Mister8 (2021): Season 1, Episode 5 - Komediaperjantai - full transcript

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IT'S ALIVE FILMS PRESENTS

Juho. - Tuukka.

Who do you find the most annoying?
- Sepe.

Correct answer.
- What is his Achilles' heel?

Booze.

Booze, booze.
He is a teetotalling alcoholic.

How long has he been on the wagon?
- 500 days or so.

Has he ever fallen off?
- No.

Not yet.

All recovering alcoholics
have a thing.

It is usually Jesus
or sports. Yes!



I realized that I needed
to come up with my own thing.

I thought: What about Jesus?

I don't trust him one bit.
He turned water into wine.

You can't play tricks
with an alcoholic's water.

I'll pass on Jesus.
What about sports?

You go to the gym and lift and pull
stuff for weeks on end.

It makes you feel silly.

Even sillier than when you're drunk.
It's no good.

Then one day, it came to me.

Coffee. Coffee!
That is my thing!

Coffee gives you the shakes,
much like religion.

Those fervent Jesus jitters.

You get the sweats,
like a triathlete.

That awkward sweat
between the lycra and the saddle...



And the best thing:
It is drinkable.

You can drink it.
You can knock it back.

And you stay fit.
Look at me.

I don't have to do a thing.
I'm a lean machine.

With enough joe,
everything runs through me.

What are you doing here?
Are you boys out on a date?

You're so funny!
Pietari is a friend from work.

Thank you, it was a great show.
- Thanks.

Hey, three more.
- Not for me. I don't drink.

Okay, six more then.
You are a cheap date.

Do you know the funniest bit
about your show?

The way you held the mic.
- Are you taunting me?

No, I'm serious.

When I was younger,
I went to pavilion dances.

All the tango singers
held the mic like that.

Right, funny. Look, I have to go.

Enjoy your night.
- Thank you.

We'll be drinking
all through the night!

Are we drinking through the night?
- No, we're going to bed.

Have some shots if you like.
- Okay.

Enjoy your night. Let's go.

Do you have any ibuprofen?
- No, I don't.

I guess I got too drunk last night.
- What do you mean?

I don't know.
I got somehow... too loud.

Doesn't sound too serious.
- I was just thinking.

Should I see if I could
try to do a year sober?

I won't join you.
- You don't have to.

I could get in better shape.

Actually, that's good.
I have a job for a sober person.

I'll take it.

Jenny needs a babysitter for Thursday.
You got on with the kids.

Hey... - You already promised.

You are accused of feeding
cocaine to your customers.

What are you doing?
- Many are threatening to sue.

Darius Kieras, any comments?
- Come here.

That guy is so fucked.
Too many spices mess with your head.

I'm glad I didn't eat there.
- I'm sort of bummed that I didn't.

How did he get caught?

You got a gavel!
- To put this mess in order.

Vertti, you called this meeting.

Yes, I... We've been worried.

This table is emptying
at an alarming rate. - Exactly.

This relationship took a turn
when Juho came into the picture.

First, it was Tuukka,
then Pelle, Terho and now Darius.

Is your relationship with Darius over?

Are we still together with Darius?
- Has Darius's torch been snuffed?

That is my business.

Many women date prisoners.
- Many women also date drunks.

Darius is not here,
so who gets his day?

Does Daddy want more days
to bake pies?

This is not about pies...
- What is that fucking badger?

It's a present for my daughter, okay?

I want to get to the bottom of this.
Who gets the extra day?

That is not the point.
Is this relationship working?

I'm not giving anyone any extra days.

If you are asking me
whether I'm looking for more men -

the answer is: I don't know.
Maybe.

This meeting is over
and adjourned. Thank you.

Hey, hey!

Before we lunge at each other's
throats, a few words?

Maria, see you later!
- Should we shuffle the days?

I find this situation unfair,
since Juho has two days.

What if I ask Maria to sometimes
transfer my second day to you?

The facts are: There were
seven days and seven men.

Now, four men and seven days.
Is there a problem here?

Yes, it's Juho.
- How do you respond, Juho?

I love Maria.

I think we are stressing
too much over this.

It's just a relationship.
- It's not just a relationship.

It's the perfect relationship!

If Maria leaves this relationship,
where do we find a woman like her?

Right, nowhere.
Now, you all get your acts together.

And play it cool, no matter
how much you want to complain.

And you accept the days
that Maria has given you.

Is that clear? - Yes.

Do you understand? - I do.

Vertti, wanna take these
to your daughter?

Sepe, sorry about yesterday
at the club.

I was a little...
- You're allowed to drink.

I won't judge you.

I have been thinking
that I should curb my...

It's alright.
Sorry, I need to go.

Your set was really ridiculous.
- Thanks.

THURSDAY

I could guzzle
a bottle of gin before the show.

To soothe my nerves.

I drank it in half an hour
and took the stage.

Umm... If the show had a break, -

it was clearly the time
for a pint and a shot -

and after the show I couldn't
remember a thing I had said.

Well, I'm not drinking anymore.

And I'm happy.

And I know why I made it.

I am honest with myself.

I know
I can't drink even a drop.

I am a weak person.

I struggle every day with alcohol.

Hello. Did you come to a meeting?

I didn't call ahead.
- That's okay. Sit down.

The main thing is that you're here.

Do you know the drill?

Us alcoholics talk about
drinking and giving it up.

Anonymously.
We are helping each other.

Sepe, do you want to go on?
- No, thank you.

What about you?
Would you like to share anything?

Well... I can try.

Well, my name is Juho.
- Hello, Juho.

I have a problem.

I'm afraid that my drinking is
costing me... my great love.

Good, go ahead.

I shouldn't drink, but I do.

Being drunk just feels so wonderful.

I feel like I'm happier
drunk than with my woman.

Well done, Juho.

I'm glad you came
and shared with us.

It sounded familiar, right?

It is such a cruel disease.

It will be alright.
I'm glad you are here.

How was it?
- Great, thank you.

I am really happy I came.
This could be a fresh start.

Do you have a sponsor? - No.

I don't know many people
in the city yet.

We'll find someone. - Good.

Funny thing... I do know Sepe.
- Sepe?

We've come across
each other before.

I didn't know
that we had this in common.

Right, okay...

Hey, wait a minute.
Sepe, can you come over here?

Would you be Juho's sponsor?
How does that sound?

This is a bit sudden.
- You have done so well.

It is time to increase
your responsibilities.

Okay, thank you...

I feel like I still have
my own field to plough...

You have received a lot of help,
and now you can pay it forward.

That would be great.

Of course the decision is yours,
but it is another step up.

I'm starting to feel
like I'm pressuring him.

What if he's not ready?
- Right...

No, I'm ready. I am ready.

Well done, Sepe!

Remember to exchange phone numbers.

Okay, coffee is here.
- I'll have some, too.

Seppo, can you spare a cig?
Thank you.

Thanks. See you.

Sepe, until next time.
See you later. Bye.

Bye, bye...
A nice bunch.

Was it a coincidence
that you came here?

No, it wasn't. I need help.
- I get that.

Can you help me?
- I find this weird.

I think it's good
that we know each other.

We are in a similar situation,
in more ways than one.

I had no idea about your problem.
- I'm good at hiding things.

That is true.
But I don't know...

Why should I help you?
I don't buy your story.

Oh, is that how you feel?
I understand. Ilpo!

No, wait.
- Nothing. Until next time!

Maybe we can make this work.

Can I trust you?

Are you up for this?
- Shake on it.

Okay.
- See you.

It's two weeks until my last day.
- A massive party, then.

Oh, well... The boss asked for
my thoughts on my successor.

Senni? - No, you.

Really? - You are absolutely
the man for the job.

In spite of everything?
- No, because of it.

You got me into deep shit
and almost fired.

But you came through anyway.

You are too good for this world.
- No, you are.

Thank you, Pietari.

Maria?

Just like that. Ta-dah!

Here he comes.

Hi! Here they are.
- Hello again.

Can you manage?
- What? Yes, piece of cake.

Thank you so much.
You're the best.

I don't know about that.
- Two hours will fly by.

See you later.
- See you. Play nice.

Okay, so... What do
people your age eat?

Would you like some candy?

Goddamnit!

Give me a fucking break!
- What?

This is so fucking stupid.

I thought you did well.

Can't we find some other
hobby together? - No.

Did you find out who sent the photos?
- No.

I have no idea who sent them.

Hi. Take off your shoes!

How did it go?
- Fantastic.

Hi there! Did you get lollipops?

Did you have fun? - Yes.

I love being with children.

My favourite coffee is
the basic Finnish brew -

without any barista trickery.

It needs to be the kind of
bulk-gas station-diarrhoea-joe.

And I drink it a lot.
Boy, do I drink it!

I drink so much coffee -

I add a handful of antacids
in my thermos, just in case.

I drink so much coffee,
I have a sponsor now.

It is a company that makes
adult diapers, just in case.

I drink so much coffee -

that I could piss in that coffee pot
and you wouldn't know the difference.

It even burns coming out.

I drink so much coffee
that it will kill me one day.

While I'm having a cuppa.
Oops, splat.

I will be carried out to the hearse
diapers first, cremated -

the ashes will be poured
into a filter -

and the funeral guests
will have a nice brew.

In memory of Sepe.

Thank you, guys. I'm Sepe.
That's it for me.

Any sad amateurs,
remember to come to our open mic.

Sign up in advance.

Thank you, thank you.

A damn great set.
- Thank you. It did go well.

Here are the Jägermeisters.
- I didn't order those.

Me neither.

Someone from the audience did.
Enjoy.

Thanks...

Wow.

That is something.

If you told me to get drunk,
I'd do it in a flash.

I'm not as strong as you.

FRIDAY

Hi there.
Hello there, beautiful lady.

Today, a special offer:
full service for 50 bucks.

How about it?
- A good deal. Get in.

Have some Ethiopian Robusta.
- Thank you.

Hi. - Hi.

Did you start smoking again?
- No, I'm a pyromaniac now.

I've had a few cigs now and then,
if someone has offered. That's it.

Come on, really.
- This is how it started last time.

I haven't been drinking.
- Blow.

Yes!

Good.

A little trust would be nice.

What should we do today?

I have my peer support group,
but I'm free before tonight's show.

Surprise me.
- That costs 50 bucks.

Not too bad.
- 25, 30...

Oh, it's getting cheaper?
- You can have some for a fiver.

Okay, it's my turn. So...

I'm still Juho
and I still have a problem.

I'd like to take a different
approach today. - Of course.

Hello, Sepe. Sit down.

When I first came to this group, -

I didn't know if I would fit in.

Yes, you do.
- Thank you.

Right there is fine.
Go on. - Thank you.

Since my first visit here,
I haven't been drinking -

and it's like my life
has rediscovered its meaning.

Its light, emotions, love.

Laughter, humour.

That's why I'd like to
thank you all -

for listening to me
and letting me listen to you.

I want to thank you, Ilpo.
- Thank you.

I realize
that I'm at the start of my journey.

An alcoholic is an alcoholic,
even if flambéed in cognac.

Oh well, a stupid joke.

Above all, the person
I'd like to thank most...

My spons... Sorry.

My sponsor, Sepe.

Thank you, Sepe.

Without you,
I wouldn't be here.

Sepe, later.

Give a hand to Juho.

Juho, I'm proud of you.

Juho has shown a great example
to us all.

I feel better.

Relax, it will be great.

You do your bits first
and then I'll finish with my set.

The crowd will go home happy,
that's for sure.

There's a J. Virtanen on the list.
Does anyone know them?

Hi, guys!
- Hi, Juho.

I'm so nervous.

Here's some Dutch courage.

There you go. Enjoy.

Sepe and I don't need those.
You help yourselves.

I'll go grab a seat.
The house is full, you know.

See you after the show.
- Break a leg.

Good thing you have a backbone.

Yes, and...

I'd like to thank Sepe
who made this possible -

and has basically taught me
everything about humour.

He is a funny man.

I actually met Sepe at AA.

I don't know
if it's okay to say this -

but it's a depressing bunch.
I mean, "we are".

Any alcoholics in the house?
Raise your hand.

There's one. Good.

The good thing about it
is that you kind of...

Your own problems are
put into proportion.

If I say
I drink every other day -

there is always someone
who drinks every day.

And if I say
that drinking cost me my job -

there is always someone
who lost their job, wife -

and killed a dog or something.

Sure, alcoholism is funny.

If you take alcohol
away from an alcoholic -

what is left for them?
Nothing.

You have to consider that
they have nothing without booze.

So, is it fair to encourage
them to quit alcohol?

Yes, food for thought.

Right, I'm Juho and this is
my first and last show. Thank you!

Your turn.

Well? - I don't know.

It went well. - Did you like it?
I got some laughs, but...

Open mic! Yes?

Hey, did you know that you can't
make a living doing this?

Or some really good ones can -

but the rest of us have to
find a living elsewhere.

My solution was
to become a rent boy.

Do you know what that is?
A male whore.

A fucking manwhore.

What else could
a drunk like me do, right?

I have been wondering what kinds
of people visit prostitutes.

Here or in Tallinn...
Or Thailand.

Do they like
controlling other people?

Are they just shitty...
sorry, weak people?

Or do they have daddy issues?

Or are they the kind of people
who just don't...

Who are just scared to love?

What's that?

Hey, to each and everyone of you:

Fuck you so very fucking much,
you fuckers.

Thank you.

No receipt, please.

Do you want to leave?
- Yes.

Look into Juho.

Hermanni: Hooks into Juho?

Maria: No, look into him.
I want to know everything about him.

Hermanni: Consider it done.

Translation: Liina Härkönen