Mission: Impossible (1966–1973): Season 6, Episode 15 - The Bride - full transcript

[ With Irish accent ]
YOU'RE A CHEATER!

YOU'RE A DIRTY,
FILTHY CHEAT!

I NEVER TOOK A PENNY
OF YOUR MONEY!

YOU SKIMMED $150,000
OFF THAT LAST SHIPMENT!

I GOT FRIENDS IN ZURICH
TOLD ME YOU JUST MADE

A DEPOSIT TO YOUR PERSONAL
ACCOUNT OF $150,000!

I-I SOLD SOME PROPERTY.

RICHIE, GET HIM
OUT OF HERE BEFORE I --

YOU'RE MAKING
A BIG MISTAKE.

MAYBE IN LETTING YOU
WALK OUT OF HERE.

NOW, GET OUT YOU!



IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN, JOE.

NEXT WEEK,
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO MOVE

NEARLY $8 MILLION
OF THE SYNDICATE'S MONEY

OUT OF THE COUNTRY.

NOW, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO DO IT

WITHOUT ANDERS'
DIPLOMATIC POUCH?

WELL, YOU EXPECT ME TO LET

THAT DIRTY, FILTHY CREEP
GET AWAY WITH IT?

I'LL MOVE IT!

I'LL MOVE IT, FRANK.

DON'T WORRY. I'LL MOVE IT.

GOODBYE, MR. ANDERS.

AAAHHH!!!

GOOD MORNING, MR. PHELPS.



THIS IS JOE CORVIN,

ONETIME SYNDICATE KILLER
AND EXTORTIONIST,

AND NOW AN EXPERT
IN HANDLING ILLEGAL MONIES.

THROUGH CORVIN, TENS OF
MILLIONS OF UNDERWORLD DOLLARS

HAVE BEEN FUNNELED OUT OF THIS
COUNTRY AND INTO SWISS BANKS,

FROM THERE TO BE RETURNED
AS "FOREIGN INVESTMENTS"

IN AMERICAN BUSINESS.

SO FAR, CONVENTIONAL
LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCIES

HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO STOP
CORVIN'S OPERATIONS.

YOUR MISSION, JIM,
SHOULD YOU DECIDE TO ACCEPT IT,

IS TO PUT CORVIN
OUT OF BUSINESS FOR GOOD.

THIS TAPE WILL SELF-DESTRUCT
IN FIVE SECONDS.

GOOD LUCK, JIM.

[ SIZZLING ]

[ "MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE" THEME
PLAYS ]

THERE'S STILL WORK
TO BE DONE ON IT.

I'M AFRAID
THIS HAS NOT BEEN

ONE OF MY
FAVORITE PROJECTS.

IT'S PERFECT.

CASEY.

THREE MINUTES AND
ALL VITAL SIGNS CEASE.

JIM, THE HEARSE
WILL BE OURS.

GOOD. THE ONE CERTAINTY

IS THAT CORVIN WILL USE
COLLINS' MORTUARY.

WE KNOW
THAT SEVERAL OF HIS VICTIMS

HAVE BEEN CREMATED THERE.

BOB, LET'S SEE THAT
HARRIS PICTURE AGAIN.

CASEY'S GIVING ME
THE MAKEUP TECHNIQUES.

THERE SHOULDN'T BE
A PROBLEM.

THE BONE STRUCTURE'S
THE SAME.

I'M AFRAID YOU'LL HAVE
TO SHAVE YOUR HEAD.

IT WILL GROW BACK.

WE'LL BUILD
THE HARRIS FACE FIRST,

AND THEN OVERLAY THAT
WHEN BOB MAKES THE SWITCH.

NOW, WE'VE ALREADY CONFIRMED
THAT YOUR PICTURE

HAS BEEN DELIVERED TO CORVIN
INSTEAD OF HIS FIANCéE'S,

SO EVERYTHING'S SET.

WHAT DO THE
SYNDICATE BOYS THINK

ABOUT CORVIN'S
GETTING MARRIED?

ALL THEY WANT IS A WAY
TO MOVE THEIR MONEY,

AND THAT'S WHERE WE COME IN.

WHY DID HE PICK A BRIDE
FROM THE OLD COUNTRY?

HE HATES AMERICAN WOMEN.

HE WANTED PRIME,
OLD-COUNTRY MERCHANDISE,

CONVENT-EDUCATED.

HE GOT IT AND DRESSED IT
WITH A WEEK OF PARIS COUTURIERS.

WHERE IS SHE NOW?

SHE'S ON THE RIVIERA

BEING DETAINED
UNTIL THIS IS OVER.

CASEY, CORVIN HATES
TO BE CROSSED.

DON'T WORRY, JIM.

I PLAN TO DIE ON SCHEDULE,
NOT BEFORE.

FLIGHT 4
FOR KANSAS CITY AND CHICAGO

NOW LOADING AT GATE 32.

SHE SHOULD BE OUT OF
CUSTOMS ANY MINUTE NOW.

THERE SHE IS.

LAST CALL FOR FLIGHT 12
TO NEWARK, GATE 27.

SHE'S EVEN PRETTIER
THAN THE PICTURE.

THAT'S
SOME OF MY 20,000 BUCKS

SHE SPENT ON HERSELF
IN PARIS.

KATHLEEN DEIGAN?

[ With Irish accent ]
BUT YOU'RE NOT MISTER --

NO, NO, I'M RICHIE.
MR. CORVIN IS OVER HERE.

WILL MR. P.J. CARLSON PLEASE
REPORT TO THE INFORMATION DESK?

MR. P.J. CARLSON.

KATHLEEN DEIGAN,
MR. CORVIN.

MR. CORVIN.

JOE, KATHLEEN.

I RECOGNIZE YOU
FROM YOUR PHOTOGRAPH.

YOU'RE A BIT MORE
DISTINGUISHED-LOOKING.

AM I NOW?

LET ME HAVE
YOUR BAGGAGE CHECKS.

RICHIE WILL GET
YOUR THINGS FOR YOU.

THEY'RE RIGHT THERE.

I'LL SEE YOU
BACK AT THE CAR.

GOOD. AND HOW
IS SISTER MAUREEN?

OH, VERY WELL.
THANK YOU.

SHE ONLY HAS ONE KIDNEY,

BUT SHE'S
AS FEISTY AS EVER.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE
A VERY PRETTY GIRL,

BUT I DON'T LIKE HATS
ON MY WOMEN.

YOU DIDN'T BUY A LOT
OF THEM IN PARIS, DID YOU?

NO, ONLY THIS ONE,
BUT I'LL THROW IT AWAY.

I WANT
TO PLEASE YOU, JOE.

OH!

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

OH, NOTHING AT ALL.
JUST THE ANXIETY.

MISS DEIGAN, YOU LEFT
THIS ON THE PLANE.

OH, THANK YOU.

IT'S FOR
MY QUEASY STOMACH.

THIS IS MISTER --

BEVANS.
FREIGHT SERVICES.

I HAPPENED TO BE ON
THE FLIGHT WITH MISS DEIGAN.

HE WAS VERY KIND
TO ME, JOE.

NO, THANK YOU.
IT'S ALL PART OF THE SERVICE.

FINE. WELL, RICHIE
SHOULD BE AT THE CAR.

FLIGHT 708 FROM SAN FRANCISCO
NOW ARRIVING AT GATE 16.

GOOD EVENING,
MR. MELLINGER.

I'M ON MY WAY TO
A PARTY, MR. KINGBY.

YOU CALLED AT A BAD TIME.

THERE'S NO SUCH THING
AS A BAD TIME,

NOT WHEN TIME IS MONEY.

YOU SAID ON THE PHONE
YOU WORK WITH ANDERS.

I WAS ANDERS
IMMEDIATE SUPERIOR

IN THE GOVERNMENT
FOR MANY YEARS.

IT'S ALL IN HERE.

YOUR BOYS
CHECKED IT THOROUGHLY

BEFORE THEY LET ME
IN TO SEE YOU.

DRINK, KINGBY?

THANK YOU.

OKAY, OKAY,
WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

A PROPOSITION.

HOW MUCH OF A PERCENTAGE
DO YOU PAY TO HAVE

YOUR PROFITS TRANSPORTED
ABROAD SAFELY?

YOU THINK
I'M GOING TO ANSWER

A QUESTION LIKE THAT?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
I ALREADY KNOW.

YOU PAY JOE CORVIN
10%, CORRECT?

GO ON.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
TO PAY 8%

FOR THE SAME GUARANTEES?

KINGBY, YOU BETTER
GET OUT OF TOWN

WHILE YOUR HEALTH
IS STILL GOOD.

NOW, LOOK,
I HAVE AN ATTACHé POUCH

JUST LIKE ANDERS HAD,

AND I'M OFFERING YOU
A 2% SAVINGS.

I CAN MOVE NOW,
AND YOU WANT ME NOW.

I KNOW YOU HAVE MILLIONS
OF DOLLARS JUST WAITING.

YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW TOO MUCH.

YOU TRY CUTTING IN ON CORVIN,
HE'LL PUT YOU ON A SLAB.

MR. MELLINGER,
YOU MAY BE AFRAID

OF FALLING DOWN
ELEVATOR SHAFTS,

BUT I'M NOT.

THINK IT OVER.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU ONE AND ALL.

THANKS FOR COMING.

AND NOW THAT WE'VE GOT
THE FORMAL INTRODUCTIONS

OUT OF THE WAY,

LET'S ON WITH THE PARTY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AMERICA MUST TRULY BE THE LAND
OF OPPORTUNITY, MR. TROY.

TO BECOME SO WEALTHY SO QUICKLY.

NOW, TELL ME AGAIN EXACTLY
WHAT IT IS YOU DO.

KATHLEEN.
EXCUSE US, TONY, PLEASE.

COME ALONG, KATHLEEN.

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

OUT HERE.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL, JOE.

KATHLEEN, THERE'S ONE
THING YOU MUST LEARN.

THE PEOPLE YOU MEET
IN MY HOUSE,

YOU DON'T ASK QUESTIONS.

THEY'RE
YOUR FRIENDS, JOE.

THEY'RE ALSO MY CUSTOMERS.

THEY'RE ENTITLED
TO THEIR PRIVACY.

I SEE. THEY'RE HARD MEN,
AREN'T THEY, JOE?

SOME ARE FRIGHTENING.

IT'S A HARD BUSINESS
THEY'RE IN.

SISTER MAUREEN TOLD ME
THAT YOU'RE IN BUSINESS,

BUT SHE NEVER TOLD ME
EXACTLY WHAT IT WAS THAT --

THAT YOU DO.

YOU DON'T ASK ME,
YOU DON'T ASK THEM, EVER.

IS THAT CLEAR?

I'M GRATEFUL
FOR YOUR PROTECTION, JOE,

AND I'LL TRY NEVER
TO DISPLEASE YOU AGAIN.

GOOD.

I WASN'T SURE WHETHER I'D EVER
GIVE THIS TO YOU OR NOT.

JOE!

I'VE HAD IT A LONG TIME.

I COULD NEVER GIVE IT
TO AN AMERICAN WOMAN.

YOU USE AMERICAN WOMEN.

YOU USE THEM TO...

MAY I PUT IT ON?

[ SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING ]

HI, BOYS. RICHIE.

GOOD EVENING,
MR. MELLINGER.

WHERE'S JOE?

ON THE BALCONY.
UH, HE'S WITH A GIRL.

IT'S IMPORTANT.

WON'T IT KEEP, MR. MELLINGER?
HOW ABOUT A DRINK?

NO, THANKS.

HE REALLY DIGS THE GIRL.

WAIT TILL YOU SEE HER,
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF HER?

WELL, I THINK HE OUGHT
TO STICK TO HIS BUSINESS.

KATHLEEN...

I THINK -- I THINK YOU'RE GOING
TO MAKE ME VERY, VERY HAPPY.

I'LL TRY, JOE.

THEY'RE ALL FULL OF ENVY
IN THERE.

OLD JOE CORVIN'S FINALLY GOT
SOMETHING HE REALLY WANTS.

JOE WILL COME THROUGH.
HE ALWAYS DOES.

FRANK.

SORRY I'M LATE, JOE.

FORGET IT --
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET

MY FIANCéE,
MISS KATHLEEN DEIGAN.

MR. FRANK MELLINGER,

A LONGTIME FRIEND
OF MINE.

IT'S AN HONOR,
MR. MELLINGER.

YOU'RE VERY LOVELY.
JOE, I NEED A MINUTE.

OH? UH...

MAY, WOULD YOU KEEP
YOUR EYE ON KATHLEEN

HERE FOR A BIT?

OF COURSE, JOE.

SHE'S DELIGHTFUL,
ISN'T SHE?

YES. WELL...

WHAT IS IT?

JOE,
FOR OLD TIME'S SAKE,

I WANT YOU
TO KNOW SOMETHING.

SOMEONE'S TRYING
TO MOVE IN ON YOU.

YOU'RE PULLING ME LEG.

WHO THEN?

ANDERS' OLD BOSS,
A GUY NAMED KINGBY --

8% AND HE CAN HANDLE
THE MONEY RIGHT NOW.

SOUNDED GOOD EVEN TO ME.

YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS,
FRANK.

YOU AND ME, WE'VE BEEN
FRIENDS TOO LONG.

THAT'S WHAT I WAS TELLING
MYSELF AND THE OTHER BOYS,

BUT THAT $8 MILLION ISN'T DOING
THEM ANY GOOD RIGHT HERE.

THEY WANT IT MOVED
TOMORROW NIGHT.

WHEN DID YOU SEE
THIS KINGBY?

TONIGHT.

HAS HE TALKED TO ANY
OF THE OTHER ONES?

HE'S MEETING
JIMMY LATIMORE

FOR BREAKFAST
TOMORROW MORNING, 7:30.

FOR BREAKFAST, JOE.

HE'S A VERY ENTERPRISING
YOUNG MAN.

OKAY, BUDDY, YOU DRIVE.

I'LL GIVE
THE DIRECTIONS.

JIM...

They've got him.

GOOD.

GOOD MORNING.

WHERE IS JOE?

SOMETHING CAME UP.

HE'LL BE OUT
MOST OF THE DAY.

HE SHOULDN'T HAVE
GONE OUT, NOT TODAY.

HE'LL BE BACK.

LOOK, HOW ABOUT
A CUP OF COFFEE?

I DON'T WANT ANY COFFEE!

WHAT ARE YOU
SO NERVOUS ABOUT?

WHY DON'T YOU
GO BACK TO BED?

LEAVE ME ALONE,
CAN'T YOU?!

SURE.

RICHIE, I-I'M SORRY.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

[ RINGS ]

HELLO?

WHO SHOULD I SAY
IS CALLING?

JUST TELL HER
IT'S THE AIRLINE CALLING.

IT'S FOR YOU --
THE AIRLINE.

THANK YOU.

IS THAT YOU?

I'VE BEEN HALF-CRAZY
WAITING FOR YOUR CALL.

RELAX.
I TOLD YOU I'D CALL.

I've got to see you.

Sure.

No, I mean, right now.

IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH ME.
HAVE YOU GOT ANY MONEY?

I'VE GOT SOME.

Take a cab
to the Hotel Stanley

on Fourth Avenue,
room 318.

I'LL BE THERE.

[ Receiver clicks, dial tone ]

WELL?

IT'S LIKE FRANK SAID --

NAME'S KINGBY,
ANDERS' OLD BOSS.

WHAT ELSE
DID HE TELL YOU?

WE DIDN'T GET ANY MORE
OUT OF HIM THAN THAT.

HE DIDN'T
TELL US ANYTHING.

WHAT WE GOT OUT OF HIM
WAS IN HERE.

BRING HIM AROUND.

KINGBY, DON'T BELIEVE

EVERYTHING YOU READ
IN THE NEWSPAPERS --

THAT WE'RE ALL FINE,
UPRIGHT BUSINESSMEN,

AND THAT NOBODY
GETS KILLED ANYMORE.

THEY'RE EXAGGERATING,
KINGBY.

BELIEVE ME, THEY ARE.

I HAVE A SAFE-DEPOSIT BOX,
CORVIN,

AND MY LAWYERS
HAVE A DUPLICATE KEY.

IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO ME,

THEY HAVE INSTRUCTIONS
TO OPEN IT.

I HAD MY EYE ON ANDERS
A LONG TIME,

AND I KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT HE WAS DOING.

SO, INSIDE THAT BOX

IS A LIST
OF YOUR BANKING CLIENTS

AND A FULL REPORT ON YOU.

WHAT IS IT YOU WANT?

TO DEAL.

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW
MUCH I NEEDED TO SEE YOU.

YEAH, I CAN GUESS.

YOU DON'T HAVE TIME
TO BARGAIN, CORVIN.

I HAVE A SAFE MEANS
OF MOVING

ILLEGITIMATE MONEY TO
EUROPE TODAY -- YOU DON'T.

ALL I WANT IS
HALF THE TAKE -- 5%.

AND WHAT MAKES YOU
SO GENEROUS?

WHY NOT ALL OF IT?

BECAUSE I KNOW
YOUR CLIENTS TRUST YOU,

AND THEY PREFER
TO DEAL THROUGH YOU.

SO, I FIGURED THEIR GOODWILL
IS WORTH 5%.

WHY DID YOU GO SEE THEM?

SO THEY'D KNOW,
SO THEY'D PRESSURE YOU.

LOOK AT YOUR WATCH --
YOU'VE GOT TO FIND A WAY

OF MOVING THAT MONEY
PRETTY SOON,

AND I'M THE ONLY WAY
YOU HAVE.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL GIVE
YOU $40,000 A TRIP --

THE SAME AS I GIVE ANDERS
BEFORE HE GOT SO GREEDY.

PARTNERS OR NOTHING.

I DON'T PARTNER
WITH ANYBODY, KINGBY.

AND IF YOU THINK --

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

HELLO?

YEAH, HE'S HERE.

IT'S RICHIE.

YES, RICHIE?

SHE WHAT?!

I SAID YOUR
LITTLE CONVENT GIRL

JUST GOT HERSELF A FIX.

WHERE ARE YOU NOW?

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

I'LL BE BACK.

WHAT ABOUT HIM?

HOLD HIM.

CORVIN!

YOU NEED ME.

THIS MUST BE WORTH
$100,000.

YEAH.

DON'T! DON'T!
DON'T!

IT WASN'T HIS FAULT.

I NEEDED IT.
HE JUST SOLD IT TO ME --

GET AWAY FROM ME YOU --

YOU EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN,
SO HELP ME, I'LL KILL YOU!

BUT, JOE, I LOVE YOU.

LOVE? LOVE,
YOU DIRTY, LITTLE JUNKIE?

OH, JOE,
IT WAS FOR MY PAIN.

I FELL OFF
A HORSE LAST YEAR.

THAT'S HOW IT STARTED.
THEY GAVE ME MORPHINE.

BUT, JOE, I'LL FIGHT IT.

I SWEAR,
I'LL FIGHT IT FOR YOU.

RICHIE,
GIVE ME YOUR GUN.

BRING HER ON ALONG HOME
AND WAIT FOR ME THERE.

JOE, YOU WON'T SEND ME
BACK TO EUROPE.

JOE, YOU WOULDN'T
DO THAT TO ME!

JOE, PLEASE, JOE!

COME ON.

DON'T!

SHE PAY YOU?

UH, NO.

YOU LIAR!

HMM...
I FIGURED THAT WAS IT.

YOU'RE JUST ABOUT AS LOW
AS THEY COME, AIN'T YOU?

I'M A BUSINESSMAN.

BUSINESSMAN!

WHAT OTHER KIND
OF BUSINESS ARE YOU IN

BESIDES THEM NARCOTICS?

HUH?

ANYTHING I CAN SMUGGLE --

JEWELRY,
FOREIGN CURRENCY,

COMMERCIAL DIAMONDS,
ANYTHING.

HOW DO YOU MAKE IT WORK?

MY JOB --
IT'S A GOOD COVER.

WHEN'S YOUR NEXT FLIGHT?

TONIGHT.
PARIS AND ZURICH.

LOOK, I'M GOING
TO BE OUT OF HERE.

I PROMISE I WON'T --

DON'T WORK YOURSELF UP
INTO A SNIT, BEVANS.

JUST TELL ME,
HOW DO YOU MOVE THE STUFF?

MY PERSONAL LUGGAGE.

HOW MUCH CAN YOU HANDLE
IN ONE TRIP?

THREE, FOUR SUITCASES.

WHAT ABOUT
THE CUSTOMS INSPECTORS?

I GOT FRIENDS.

OH.

BEVANS...HOW WOULD YOU
LIKE TO MAKE YOURSELF

ABOUT $40,000 TONIGHT?

$40,000?

UH-HUH.

WELL, IF IT'S
NOT TOO DANGEROUS.

NOT HALF AS DANGEROUS
AS IT WOULD BE

IF YOU TURNED ME DOWN.

HEY, THERE'S NO HURRY,
IS THERE?

HOW ABOUT HAVING
A DRINK WITH ME?

ALL RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, KATHLEEN,

THINGS AIN'T REALLY
THAT BAD.

I MEAN, I COULD EASILY
KEEP YOU SUPPLIED.

WE COULD HAVE A LOT
OF FUN TOGETHER.

I MEAN,
YOU BE NICE TO ME,

AND I COULD RETURN
THE FAVOR IN A BIG WAY.

LET GO OF ME!

JOE WOULD KILL YOU.

YOU PATHETIC,
LITTLE JUNKIE.

DO YOU THINK JOE
WOULD HAVE ANYTHING

TO DO WITH YOU NOW?

DO YOU TRUST BEVANS?

THE GREATEST TRUST
IN THE WORLD

BECAUSE HE KNOWS
WHO I AM.

DID YOU TALK
WITH THE OTHERS?

YOU'RE THE KEY, FRANK.

IF YOU'RE IN,
THEY'RE IN.

OKAY.

I'LL TELL THEM
TO HAVE THE MONEY

AT MY PLACE WITHIN
THE NEXT TWO HOURS.

RIGHT.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

HELLO?

WE WON'T NEED HIM.

RIGHT. I UNDERSTAND.

[ REWINDING ]

YOU DON'T HAVE TIME

TO BARGAIN, CORVIN.

I HAVE A SAFE MEANS
OF MOVING

ILLEGITIMATE MONEY TO
EUROPE TODAY -- YOU DON'T.

ALL I WANT IS
HALF THE TAKE -- 5%.

NOW, YOU GET OUT.

YOU BOTHER ANYBODY AGAIN,
THAT GOES TO YOUR BOSS.

WHERE IS SHE, RICHIE?

SHE LOCKED HERSELF
IN HER ROOM.

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO
WITH HER, JOE?

[ BUZZING ]

[ BUZZING STOPS ]

SURE IT'S RISKY,

BUT IF I DON'T MOVE
THAT STUFF TODAY,

I'M OUT OF BUSINESS
FOR GOOD.

BEVANS IS MY ONLY HOPE.

JOE! HELP ME!

[ GLASS SHATTERING ]

JOE!

JOE!

[ LAMP SHATTERING ]

[ SIGHS ]

SHE'S DEAD.

[ RINGS ]

HELLO?

IT'S FOR YOU. BEVANS.

HELLO, BEVANS.

IT'S AN EMERGENCY.

MEET ME AT THE AIRPORT
IN HALF AN HOUR.

I CAN
TELL YOU BETTER THERE.

THE FREIGHT TERMINAL.

ALL RIGHT.

I'M GOING TO THE AIRPORT.

WHAT ABOUT HER?

CALL COLLINS,
THE UNDERTAKER.

TELL HIM TO CREMATE HER.

TAKE A LOOK.

I JUST FOUND OUT
ABOUT IT MYSELF --

NEW SECURITY MEASURES
FOR PROTECTION

AGAINST HIJACKERS
AND TERRORISTS.

THEY'RE GOING
THROUGH EVERYTHING.

THERE'S NO WAY TO HIDE
ANYTHING FROM THEM.

HE WANTS HER CREMATED.
NO BIG DEAL.

RIGHT.

THEY WON'T EXAMINE
YOUR PERSONAL LUGGAGE.

NOTHING'S EXEMPT,
NOT THIS TIME.

[ BUZZING ]

GO.

[ BUZZING STOPS ]

YOU DON'T REALIZE
THE BIND I'M IN.

IT'S NOT GOING TO DO
YOU OR YOUR CLIENTS

ANY GOOD TO GET CAUGHT.

I'M WELL AWARE OF THAT.

I'VE GOT TO MAKE
OTHER ARRANGEMENTS.

NO, HOLD ON
JUST A MINUTE.

ARE THEY GOING TO OPEN
THAT CASKET?

NO, IT'S GOT AN
EMBASSY SEAL ON IT.

WHERE'S IT HEADED FOR?

ZURICH. THAT'S THE FLIGHT
I TOLD YOU ABOUT.

THE 6:45 TONIGHT?

WILL THE CUSTOMS PEOPLE
OPEN IT AT THE OTHER END?

THERE'S A POSSIBILITY.

UH-HUH...

YOU'RE NOT THINKING --

THAT'S WHERE
YOU'RE WRONG, BEVANS.

I'M ALWAYS THINKING.

MR. COLLINS?

YES? WHAT IS IT?

THAT RADIATOR ON THE HEARSE
IS SHOT.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

CAN CHARLIE FIX IT?

NO. BESIDES,
IT'S HIS KID'S BIRTHDAY.

YOU GAVE HIM
THE REST OF THE DAY OFF.

OH, YES. WELL,
WE'RE GOING TO NEED A HEARSE

FIRST THING TOMORROW MORNING.

CALL THE AGENCY.

TELL THEM TO DELIVER ANOTHER ONE
AND PICK OURS UP.

[ RINGS ]

ANDERSON CAR RENTAL.

YEAH, OKAY.

WE'LL SEND YOU ANOTHER ONE OUT
RIGHT AWAY.

HMM.

PRETTY.

RICHIE SAID
HE WAS GOING TO MARRY HER.

WHY NOT?
HOW DID IT HAPPEN?

OVERDOSE.

SHAME.

WHAT'S HE WANT DONE WITH IT?

CREMATION. NOTHING FANCY.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

COLLINS MORTUARY.

OH, YES, MR. CORVIN.

YES, THEY JUST
BROUGHT IT IN.

WE'RE JUST
GETTING READY TO --

NO, NO, THERE'S BEEN
A CHANGE OF PLAN.

I DON'T WANT HER CREMATED.

I'M SHIPPING THE BODY
TO EUROPE AT 6:45 TONIGHT.

I SEE. IN THAT CASE,
IT HAS TO BE EMBALMED.

NATURALLY IT HAS TO BE EMBALMED.

I'LL BE IN TO PICK OUT A CASKET.

THERE ARE SPECIAL
REQUIREMENTS NECESSARY.

HOLD ON JUST A SECOND.

I'M SHIPPING A BODY TO EUROPE
ON THAT FLIGHT 62 TONIGHT.

MAKE ALL THE ARRANGEMENTS.

WHOSE BODY?

WHO DO YOU THINK?
I DIDN'T KILL HER.

SHE UP AND DIED
AND SAVED ME THE TROUBLE.

LISTEN, COLLINS,
HERE'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO.

HARRIS, CORVIN'S
CHANGED HIS MIND.

WE'RE SENDING THE BODY
TO EUROPE.

DO THE STANDARD EMBALMING
JOB, BUT RUSH IT.

MR. COLLINS?

IN THERE.

MR. COLLINS?

THAT'S RIGHT.

GOT AN ACCIDENT CASE

A COUPLE OF BLOCKS
FROM HERE.

THE FAMILY'S
A LITTLE TOO UPSET

TO THINK ABOUT
A FUNERAL PARLOR.

THE DOC'S ALREADY SIGNED
THE DEATH CERTIFICATE.

YOU WANT THE BODY?

WHAT'S IT
GOING TO COST ME?

$50, BUT IF THE FAMILY
CHANGES THEIR MIND

ABOUT ANOTHER
FUNERAL PARLOR LATER ON,

I CAN LET YOU HAVE
$25 BACK.

YOU GUYS ARE REAL
VULTURES, AREN'T YOU?

LOOK, I CAN
JUST TAKE THE BODY

ON DOWN
TO THE CITY MORGUE.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

BRING IT IN.

GOOD DEAL, MR. COLLINS.

COLLINS MORTUARY.

I'D LIKE TO ARRANGE
A FUNERAL SERVICE

FOR MY UNCLE.

COULD YOU TELL ME
YOUR VARIOUS RATES?

NOW, THOSE FIGURES
I'VE GIVEN YOU

INCLUDE, OF COURSE,
THE USE OF THE CHAPEL.

THERE WOULD BE A SLIGHT
EXTRA CHARGE FOR AN ORGANIST.

WHERE DO YOU WANT IT?

OVER THERE.

WHAT ABOUT THE FLOWERS,
MR. COLLINS?

THAT WOULD REALLY DEPEND

ON THE DISPLAY
THAT YOU WANTED, SIR.

MR. BAKER, PLEASE, I WOULD
PREFER THAT YOU COME IN

AND TALK IT OVER WITH US.

I'M SURE WE CAN PROVIDE YOU
WITH SATISFACTORY SERVICE.

YOU WILL?
OH, THANK YOU, SIR.

WE'LL BE LOOKING FORWARD
TO SEEING YOU.

GOOD --

SIR --

MR. BAKER --

WHERE ARE YOU GOING,
HARRIS?

JUST GIVING HIM A HAND.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

GO, BOB.

[ RINGS ]

COLLINS MORTUARY.

MR. COLLINS, I'M SORRY
TO TROUBLE YOU AGAIN.

I WONDERED IF I COULD
CHANGE MY APPOINTMENT

TO 5:30 THIS AFTERNOON.

YES, I'LL HOLD ON.

CASEY?

CASEY?

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

I THINK SO.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I'LL BE THERE.

-LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
-RIGHT.

RICHIE, WHERE'S JOE?

HE'S MAKING ARRANGEMENTS.

WHAT KIND
OF ARRANGEMENTS?

I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL SET
THROUGH THAT AIRLINES GUY.

SECURITY
IS REALLY TIGHT NOW.

WE'RE SENDING IT OUT
IN A COFFIN.

WHOSE COFFIN?

THAT'S $1.2 MILLION.

AND...HERE'S
YOUR RECEIPT FOR JIMMY.

RICHIE,
I SAID WHOSE COFFIN?!

THE GIRL DIED YESTERDAY,
OVERDOSE.

KATHLEEN?

JOE MUST BE
PRETTY BROKEN UP.

SHE TURNED OUT
TO BE A JUNKIE.

SHE TOOK AN OVERDOSE.

A JUNKIE?

A GUY WAITS
ALL THAT TIME TO MARRY,

AND THEN COMES UP
WITH A DEAD JUNKIE.

WELL, SHE DID US A FAVOR.

I'M TAKING THIS
OVER TO COLLINS.

I THINK MAYBE I'LL
COME ALONG, TOO.

IS THERE ANY PROBLEM,
MR. MELLINGER?

NO PROBLEM EXCEPT THEY'RE
PRETTY CONSERVATIVE GUYS,

AND THEY MADE ME RESPONSIBLE
FOR THEIR MONEY.

SHIPPING $8 MILLION
OUT OF THE COUNTRY

IN A DEAD GIRL'S COFFIN --

I DON'T SAY IT WON'T WORK.
I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE.

HERE WE ARE, MR. CORVIN.

THERE SHOULD BE AMPLE
SPACE IN HERE.

AND IF ANYONE
SHOULD OPEN THE CASKET,

ALL THEY'LL SEE
IS THE DEAR DEPARTED

WITH HER PRETTY HEAD
ON THE PILLOW.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

EXCUSE ME.

COLLINS MORTUARY.
JUST A MINUTE.

AIRPORT FOR YOU.

THANK YOU.

HELLO?

AH, YES, BEVANS.

YOU'RE ON FLIGHT 62,
6:45 THIS EVENING.

ENTER AT GATE "E,"
SOUTH END OF THE FIELD.

NOBODY WILL BE AROUND
TO BOTHER YOU.

RIGHT, FINE. THANKS.

FLIGHT 62, GATE "E."

SORRY TO HEAR
ABOUT THE GIRL, JOE.

THERE'S OTHER GIRLS.

STAY OUT OF MY
PRIVATE LIFE, FRANK.

WHAT ARE
THE ARRANGEMENTS, JOE?

SOME OF THE BOYS WANT
TO BE REPRESENTED.

FLIGHT 62, GATE "E,"
6:45 TONIGHT.

MY PEOPLE WILL PICK
THE STUFF UP IN ZURICH.

RICHIE.

PUT WHAT YOU GOT
IN HERE.

IS SHE READY?

ALL READY FOR
THE COSMETOLOGIST.

NO, NOT THIS TIME.
SHE GOES AS IS.

LOOKS LIKE SHE'S SLEEPING.

SHE SURE WAS BEAUTIFUL.

CLOSE THE LID.

THE EMBASSY SEAL --

BETTER THAN
THE REAL ARTICLE --

AND THE SHIPPING MANIFEST,

THE PUBLIC HEALTH
CERTIFICATE,

THE DEATH CERTIFICATE.

THEM PAPERS
THE REAL McCOY, COLLINS?

NO MORE THAN USUAL,
BUT WE'VE NEVER HAD

ANY PROBLEM
WITH OUR PAPERWORK,

HAVE WE, MR. CORVIN?

ALL RIGHT, HARRIS.
THANK YOU.

I WANT RICHIE TO DRIVE.

HARRIS BETTER DO THAT.
HE KNOWS THE ROPES.

RICHIE CAN RIDE
WITH HIM.

I'LL RIDE ALONG, TOO.

OH, NO, DON'T COME
OUT TO THE AIRPORT.

WHY GET MIXED UP
IN THIS YOURSELF?

YOU'RE PAYING ME
TO HANDLE IT FOR YOU.

WE JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE
EVERYTHING GOES OKAY.

YOU KNOW THIS WHOLE THING'S
A LITTLE OFF-CENTER.

MAYBE IT'S
A LITTLE OFF-CENTER,

BUT YOU WANT THE MONEY
MOVED, DON'T YOU?

RELAX. WE'RE JUST GOING
TO TAKE A LITTLE RIDE.

YOU FOLLOW
IN THE LIMO, HUH?

YOU BETTER
HURRY IT UP, HARRIS.

THERE ISN'T MUCH TIME.

JUST ONE MORE THING
TO DO, MR. COLLINS.

EVERYTHING OKAY?

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT.
LET'S MOVE IT THEN.

GET THE COFFIN
OFF THE HEARSE.

THIS IS MR. BEVANS.

GENTLEMEN,
PLEASE STEP BACK.

LOOK OUT!
IT'S FALLING!

IT'S A DUMMY, JOE.

SOMEBODY'S IDEA OF A BAD JOKE?

WHERE IS IT, JOE?
WHERE'S THE $8 MILLION?

WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS
TOO MANY YEARS.

THIS IS A FRAME,
I TELL YOU.

LOOK, YOU WERE
RIGHT THERE WITH ME

WHEN WE SEEN THEM PUT
THE MONEY IN THE CASKET.

TONY.

TAKE CARE OF HIM,
WILL YOU?

WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT THIS?

TALK!

HE TOLD ME TO MAKE SURE
THE COFFIN GOT OFF.

THAT AND GET HIM
A COUPLE OF TICKETS.

TICKETS TO WHERE?

MIAMI.

WE'LL GO TO JOE'S PLACE.
YOU RIDE WITH ME, JOE.

HIM TOO.

[ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ]

NO.

NO, IT CAN'T BE.

JOE? JOE, WHAT IS THIS?

GOING TO GET YOURSELF
A LITTLE SUN,

WERE YOU, JOE?

FRANK, THIS IS A FRAME.

YOU KNOW ME
BETTER THAN THIS.

WHERE YOU BEEN HIDING?

HIDING? I'VE BEEN
AT THE CENTRAL HOTEL.

ASK JOE.

I DON'T --

OKAY, OKAY!
GET OUT OF HERE.

YOU AND COLLINS,
HUH, JOE?

OH, COME ON, FRANK.

I THOUGHT I KNEW YOU, JOE,

BUT THE YOUNG BROAD
GOT TO YOU, DIDN'T SHE?

NO! FRANK!

FRANK, LISTEN!
PLEASE, FRANK!

I WANT TO TALK TO HIM!

FRANK, I CAN --

AAHH!!

NOW, JOE...
WHERE IS THE MONEY?

[ "MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE" THEME
PLAYS ]