Misfits (2009–2013): Season 2, Episode 4 - Episode #2.4 - full transcript

(SCREAMS)

(BREAKING GLASS)

What the fuck is going on?

Since when did you run around,
jumping off buildings?

Ever since I travelled back
from the future.

- ALISHA: So, what happens now?
- SIMON: You fall in love with me.

- Am I going to die?
- I'm not going to let that happen.

You can never tell Simon I'm him.

Is this doing anything for you?

You know, I'm a guy,
we're really not that fussy.

I just think we should be mates.



You OK?

Brilliant.

Can I do anything?

- You got a spare heart?
- What?

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Well, if you're done being all superheroey
with your little clocks,

you can come back to bed.

# War, huh
Yeah!

# What is it good for?

# Absolutely nothing
Uh-huh, oh-oh

# War, huh
Yeah!

# What is it good for?

# Absolutely nothing



# Say it again, y'all

# War, huh!
Huh, look out

#What is... #

Hey.

Who's the new guy?

- What's your name again?
- It's Ollie.

Right. These are
some other young offenders.

He's going to be doing
this Community Service thing with you lot.

Are you saying he's like
a new member of the gang?

Whatever.

Look, piss off
and pick up some litter.

Hi.

(it THE RAPTURE'. Echoes)

# The city breathing

# The people churning

# The conversating, the price is what?

# The conversating

# This place is heaven

# And if you see them... #

Whatever happens, we can't let
the new guy find out about our powers.

- What do we do if he finds out?
- We kill him.

- Only joking.
- (NATHAN LAUGHS)

You're making jokes now? Excuse us.

You're creeping out of your weird
little shell - I get that, good for you -

but let's get one thing straight,
I'm the funny guy around here.

He's coming.

All right?

What did you get done for?

I was arrested for vandalizing
a coal-fired power station.

We were protesting against
CO2 emissions.

(GROANS)

(ALISHA (memes)

Have any of you
got one of these weird powers?

- What?
- What powers?

I was only asking
because I've got one.

Oh, yeah, us too.

I don't think
I was supposed to tell you that.

- What can you do?
- I can teleport. (LAUGHS)

Let's see you do it, then.

(OLLIE GASPS)

(OLLIE STRAINS)

Whoa!

(THROAT BEING CLEARED)

- Oh!
- That's shit.

You could've walked there quicker.

- Sometimes I go further than that.
- That's really impressive(!)

I honestly thought something
more exciting was going to happen.

Twat!

This is great.

So are we all right?

You know, what with me
slipping you a finger?

I don't want to think about it, all right?

Does all this get recycled?

What's with this guy?

He's fucking crazy!

(TYRES SCREECH)

Oh! Do you think
he was talking about this fella?

Where's Conti?

Oh, it's him. He's a right Conti.

Did you think I was going to let it go?
I want my money.

Give the man his money.

I haven't got your money.

Roxy?

So you're with him now?

I was still waiting for you at the church
when the cops picked me up.

Not being funny, mate,
but you're acting like a right nutter.

You're clearly suffering
from some kind of mental illness.

I want my money.

Let me talk to him.

Don't. Look, just leave it.

It's OK.

I've had some training
in conflict resolution.

This should be entertaining.

What's your name?

It's OK.

I'm not going to hurt...

(SHRIEKING AND SCREAMING)

Run!

(SCREAMING)

Run!

- On!
- Fuck!

Run!

He shot him. He shot the new guy.

We should go back for him.

He was hit in the head.

He's fucked.

Hey, no. It's OK. He's fine.
He's over there.

- I don't see him.
- What?

Oh, then that must be his ghost,
which means he's not at all OK,

on account of him being dead.

- This is messed up.
- Hey! Hey, hey, hey, new guy!

Sorry you got shot, man.

Hey, fuck you!

What was that?

He just got shot in the face,
and you're insulting him?

He made an obscene gesture.

I don't care if he's dead.
There's no excuse for rudeness.

You should rewind time.

You can save him. Go on, then.

(NATHAN SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

Well, I didn't know him.

I'm not feeling it.

Yeah, he was a bit of a twat.

There's something wrong wi' you.

Come on, seriously?
He was never going to fit in,

what with all the caring about the
environment and that. Better him than me.

You're immortal.

Better him than one of you.

# Think of your fellow man

# Lend him a helping hand

# Put a little love in your heart

# You see it's getting late

# Oh, please don't hesitate

# Put a little love into your heart

# - And the world
- The world

# Will be a better place

# - Oh, and the world
- The world

# Would be a better place

# - For you
- For you

# - And just for me
- And me

# - You just wait
- Just wait

# And see

# Another day goes by

# Still the children cry

# Put a little love into your heart

# If you want the world to know... #

You knew?

You knew it was going to happen?

Why didn't you stop it?

I can't save everyone.

That's bullshit.

If I'd have stopped it
from happening...

...someone else would've died.

(BEEPING)

The police want witness statements
off all of you.

Just try not to screw it up, yeah?
Cos I don't need them on my back.

Do you think you can manage that?

Good.

Is that it?

Aren't you going to even pretend
to be a little bit sad?

Do you know how much paperwork's involved
when someone gets shot

doing Community Service?

I've got health and safety forms
coming out of my arse over here!

So, sure, yeah, we're all very sad(!)
So there it is.

It's a cruel, senseless waste.

(SIGHS)

A young man...
taken from us in his prime,

leaving us to pick up the pieces
of our shattered lives,

knowing that he's gone forever.

(SIGHS)

So, maybe...we should have
the rest of the week off,

you know, to cry and grieve
and remember our dear friend...

- (SNAPS HIS FINGERS)
- Ollie.

Ollie! Dear, beautiful Ollie.

Heartless bastard.

We should do something...

...about the guy who shot Ollie.

So, you're talking about stepping up
to the plate and taking him down?

I really don't see that happening.

No, he's right.

Since when did you want to get involved
in anything like this?

Maybe since I got someone's brains
blown out all over my face.

If we go up against him,

one of us is going to get
our brains blown out.

We can't just pretend
that it didn't happen.

Hey! I do that all the time.

It's like the fella in the Bible -
the Good Samaritan - walk on by.

So, how are you going to feel
if we do nothing

and then we read in the paper
that he shot someone else?

Hey, I don't read the papers.

All right. So what are you two
going to do when you find this guy

and he sticks a gun to your head?

I'm glad you've got it all figured out(!)
No way you're getting involved in this.

Uh...since when did you tell me
what I can and can't do?

Since I care about whether you die or not.
You forgotten about that?

NATHAN: OK, guys, come on, seriously.

I think I speak for all of us
when I say we're lazy and incompetent.

We're practically handicapped. OK?

Leave it to the police.
They get paid to get shot.

I never thought I'd say this,

- but he's talking sense.
- Thank you.

Hey! I'm already doing my bit
to fight crime. Bosh!

It feels weird...

That's someone else's heart...

Well, it will feel strange
for a little while.

You're making the most remarkable
recovery.

How does it work?

Am I supposed to send a card
to his parents? "Thanks for the heart"?

Would you like me
to see if the next of kin

are happy for their details
to be passed on to you?

Yeah.

OK.

(BEEPING)

(GASPS)

I can't even go back and save someone
who's just been shot.

What's that about?

Am I boring you?

I'm just checking the time.

Cos you're bored?

No. Because I'm having
the time of my life(!)

- What's going on with you?
- Nothing!

- Sure about that? It seems like there is.
- Can we just leave it, all right?

Get down!

Shit.

Did he see us?

I don't think so.

- Shit!
- What's he doing?

I don't know.

Conti!

I knew we needed to do
something about him.

So this is my fault? That figures.

I didn't say it was your fault.
You're not listening to me.

Most of the time
you've got nothing to say any more.

- Oh, fuck off!
- You fuck off! I'm done with you.

Oh, shit!

Go!

- Are you finishing with me?
- Do we have to do this right now?

Yes!

Things with us...

they haven't been right
for a while now.

You're different.

You've changed.

We need to move. Come on!

(HE EXHALES)

So, I guess that's it.

I never wanted it to end like this.

Something's not right. I...

- Maybe I fucked it up.
- No.

It's me.

I'm sorry.

This heart you put in me,
there's something wrong with it.

I promise you
there is nothing wrong with it.

Take it out. I want a different one.

We don't have spares
just lying around.

People die all the time.

Look at him!

He doesn't look like he's got long to go.
I'll have his heart.

When a patient makes
a miraculous recovery,

we don't hold a big inquest.

We treat sick people,
and you're not sick any more.

Job done!

I did what you said.

I let it play out.

Me and Curtis...

...we're over.

Hi!

Hi.

Did you know him?

I've got his heart.

What do you mean?

I mean, when he died, they ripped
his heart out and stuck it in me.

Bullshit!

You OK?

Something weird's happening to me.

Seriously?

I can teleport.

I suppose that could be useful.
Beats getting the bus.

Thanks for the pyjamas.

Hope they fit.
I had to guess your size.

Always a nightmare.

I should go.

- What, are you going?
- Got my Community Service.

Er, you just told me I've inherited
the power to teleport

from the guy whose heart
was transplanted into me

and now you're going to walk off
and leave it at that. Fuck you very much!

How do you want to leave it?

The very least you could do
is ask me out for a drink.

(LAUGHS)

Hmm.

We should go away somewhere.

Where would you like to go?

I've always wanted to go to Las Vegas.

I'll take you there.

I promise.

I've got something for you.

No-one's ever given me
keys to their place before.

Now you can let yourself in.

I've got to go.

What?

Nothing.

All right, mystery man.

I'm going to be late.

(SCREAMS)

Alisha?

Hiya.

(MUSIC BLARES FROM CAR)

Look, before you hear me thinking it,
I'll just tell you, yeah?

Me and Curtis ended it last night.

You all right?

Yeah, I'm... I'm fine.

If that was me, I'd be, like,
all crying my eyes out and shit.

- Run!
- Fuck!

- (TYRES SCREECH)
- Alisha!

Kelly! Kelly!

Let her go!

You tell Conti

I want my money.

There is no Conti! There's no Conti!
There's no money, just let her go!

Tell Conti to bring my hundred grand
to the warehouse on Tipton Street.

Kelly!

Fuck!

The bloke who shot the new guy.

He was on the estate again last night.
He's still looking for this Conti.

He thinks I'm Conti.

Why does he think that?

- Because you told him I was.
- Did I?

Sorry, man.

I think they've mended it.

(CLICKS HIS FINGERS)

You want me to buy you a drink?

I have never paid for a drink
from this machine before

and I don't intend to start now.

Thank VOW!)

Huh!

Well, the bad news is,
they've fixed the vending machine.

- The guy with the red car and the gun...
- We were just talking about him.

He's got Kelly.

Oh, Jesus. He's going to shoot her
and he going to kill her.

I told you he was dangerous!

All right, everybody calm down!
Just think. Think and keep calm.

Do something, you little freak!

MAN: Conti!

He's here.

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

Oh, Jesus.
He's kicking the shit out of her!

(GRUNTING AND GASPING)

- Where's Conti?
- He's screwing your mama.

(GUNSHOT)

He's living the game.

Where did all this come from?

He was the guy in the mask.

Give me my hundred grand.

I haven't got your money, Jimmy.
(GASPS)

That's far enough.

Let me go, you dick.

Put it on.

You can shove that up your arse.

Put it on.

He's Jimmy Cisco. He spent ten years
in prison for armed robbery.

His lover and this crime boss, Conti,

they double-crossed him
on his wedding day.

Hey, watch me run over
this fat bloke.

Run, fat boy, run!

Oh, he's fucked up my car!

(GUNFIRE AND SCREAMING)

We need to play the game for real.

If we give him his money,
I think he'll let Kelly go.

So, now all we need
is a hundred grand(?)

We could a rob a bank.

- CURTIS: We'll need a car.
- Yeah, OK. Let's rob a bank.

- What's that?
- Nothing.

Really? That's funny, innit?

Because, to me, it sounded like
you were planning on robbing a bank.

No, no, no. I said, er,
"Let's have a big wank."

Communal masturbation.
The old circle jerk.

- Go and clean my car.
- I don't think cleaning your car

was what they had in mind
when they gave us Community Service.

Well, I'm a member of the community
and my car needs cleaning.

And I don't give a shit.

(TUTS)

The man wants his car washed.

(MOUTHS)

He's giving us his keys
so we can clean his car.

For fuck's sake.

We're stealing his car.
Right, yeah, I get it.

Let's go!

- What's the plan?
- I turn invisible,

I walk up to the security van
and I take the money.

Works for me.

NATHAN: Right, keep the engine running,
just in case he gets caught.

ALISHA: Nathan, stop fucking around.
Don't touch the stereo.

- (MUSIC BLARES)
- CURTIS: Turn it off, you prick!

- (MUSIC STOPS)
- NATHAN: Sorry.

ALISHA: Where is he?
He should've been back by now.

- Fuck.
- How was it?

Very easy.

A bunch of young offenders
develop superpowers,

and not one of us thinks of using them
to commit crime? Shame on us.

More wine?

Yeah, mate. Right.

It's dead fruity.

When I was in jail,
I thought about you.

That's nice.

I thought about you lying to me,

stealing my money,

screwing other men.

You want to try some positive thinking.

You know, like fields, little rabbits
hopping around and shit.

I wanted to see you die.

Have some more wine, yeah?

(TYRES SCREECH)

- What the fuck are you doing?
- I'm just having a look.

ALISHA: Do we think this is going to work?

When he gets the money,
it should be game over.

But then we beat the shit out of him
and take the money back, right?

Come on,
a hundred grand's a lot of money.

- That is true.
- Our Community Service is nearly over.

- We need to look toward the future.
- You think we should become criminals?

(HORN BEEPS)

No, we're already criminals.

I'm talking about becoming
successful criminals -

you know, the ones who make money
and don't get caught

and have girlfriends
with enormous breast implants.

I thought we'd use our powers
to help people.

Nah!

We can talk about what we're going to do
with the money after we get Kelly back.

We're...we're way out of our depth,
but that's OK, right?

We've all watched TV.
That's how you learn how to do this stuff.

Just, you know, butch it up
and play gangster. Come on.

Let's go.

(GUN COCKS)

You'd better have my money, Conti.

Kelly, are you all right?

Me arms are fucking killing me.

Slide it over.

That's just embarrassing.

Show me.

Is it true?

Is what true?

You know what I'm talking about.

Don't play games with me, Conti.

He talks this bollocks all the time.

Fat Tony says you've got
an undercover cop in your organisation.

See? That's why I don't play computer
games, cos they never bloody end.

Who's the cop?

No-one.

Fuck!

I'm going to my car to get a chainsaw

and when I get back,

you're going to tell me which one of you
is the undercover cop.

Nice one.
Brilliant fuckin' rescue(!)

No chance of a rewind, then(?)
Get your boyfriend to sort it out.

Er, he's not my boyfriend.

We've split up, all right?

So you're available?

Not to you.

Where's that prick in the mask
when we need him?

I just need to get
a bit more momentum.

Oh, yeah. Come on! Come on!

A few more swings...

and I should be able
to summersault right off the hook.

Here we go! Here we go!

Fuck off!

Why are you hanging from meat hooks?

This is some of the weird shit
I was telling you about.

Isn't that the girl
whose flat we broke into?

The new guy's heart
got transplanted into her.

She's got his power.

I guess that makes sense.

'(om!

Hi. Sorry about, er, you know...

Shitting in my bed?

Yeah. Wrong flat.

Huh.

- I think you're supposed to rescue us.
- OK.

That's the wrong chain.

- (DOOR RATTLES)
- KELLY: Get out of here!

- NATHAN: He's coming back!
- Now!

I can't just do it whenever I want.

Cos that would be
far too convenient and useful(!)

Who are you?

It's complicated.

(COCKS sum)

Hands.

(CHAINS RATTLE)

You need to tell him
you're the undercover cop.

If he kills you, it doesn't matter.

That's easy for you to say.

You're not the one who has to be
dismembered with a chainsaw.

I'm sorry you got into this.

I really hope that thing doesn't start.

(CHAINSAW WHIRRS)

(CHAINSAW PULSES)

- You're first.
- Please...

- Leave her alone!
- You can't do this!

- Don't touch her!
- Leave her alone, you fucking psycho!

SIMON: This is insane. Do something!

Wait!

All right, all right, it's me.
I'm the undercover cop.

So, fire up the chainsaw
and get with the sawing.

And I'd appreciate it
if you'd do it quickly and cleanly.

Oi!

Run! Run!

This is not real, it's just a game!

You think this is a game?

This is my life.

Oh! No!

Conti?

I'm the undercover cop.

ALISHA: No!

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

Hold on. I'll get you an ambulance.

- It has to be like this.
- Why?

So we can be together.

No. I won't let you die!

You have to...
or I'll never be this person.

I can't do this.

- (SOBS)
- It's going to be OK.

You have to do something.

There's petrol in that can.

No-one can know it's me.

Promise me you won't tell him.

Promise me.

You can't die. I love you.

I'll still be here.

I don't love him. I love you!

It's you falling in love with him
that makes him become me.

It's all coming together.

No.

Don't!

Simon!

Fuck!

Oh. . .606'.!

(SHIVERING SOBS)

(# MASSIVE ATTACK: Paradise Circus)

# Love is like a sin, my love

# For the ones that feel it the most

# Look at her

# With her eyes like a flame

# She will love you

# Like a fly will never love you

#Again... #

The computer-game guy.

They've arrested him.

That's what happens
when blokes spend all their time

playing computer games
and wanking over porn on the internet.

Right.

# ...Love is like a sin, my love

# For the one that feels it the most

# Look at her... #

ls everything all right?

# With her smile like a flame

# She will love you

# Like a fly will never love you

# Again. #

Hi.

What was that for?

(SIGHS) I'm not going to die
and I'm feeling pretty happy about it.

- Jesus!
- Sorry.

- I was just, er...
- Piss off, you pervert!

(YELLS)

The cute, smiley, popular girl...
I think she murdered me.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Jesus! She's after Barry!

Would you like to go for a drink with me?

I'd love to.

Why d'you want to know my name?

- I think you're beautiful.
- I'm not a slag.

KELLY: Why are the coppers after you?

MAN: I didn't mean to hurt him,
but I didn't mean to hurt anyone.

Especially not you.

Get an ambulance!
Get a fucking ambulance!