Mirzapur (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Bhaukal - full transcript

Open the door!

What's taking so long, man?

What the...

Yes, sir.

What took you so long?

Sir, I'd dropped off.

Didn't you show him the papers?

What's this?

Sir, some idiot left a jerry
can on top of the carpets.

It toppled, wet the carpets,
and they all bled color.

Move it.



If you'd opened up a second
later, that guy would be dead.

Can I use the computer now?

You've been hogging it for ages.

There's work to be done.

Take it, man.

You owe me one.

Guddu.

You can feel the
electricity, can't you?

I'm gonna rip
Mirzapur's ass apart.

Guddu, my boy.

Hmm?

Every motherfucker is
gonna shit his pants.

We're not supposed to
wipe out the town,

just scare them into
buying more guns.



1, 2, 3, 4, 5...

Is it fixed, mister?

- How much longer...
- Sweety!

For you.

What's this?

Open it and see.

Am I late?

Nah, it's fine.

Rajan Mishra?

Hmm.

I'm Bablu Pandit,
this is Guddu Pandit.

Usman the butcher
must've called you.

Hmm.

Business has been down in
Mukeri Bazaar for months.

Why's that?

It's just bad luck.

I seem to get all
the fraud guns.

They explode or get jammed.

The customers keep
returning them.

And then I gotta
return their money.

Nothing I can do.

My wife.

Been married two years.

Have some!

Sorry,

we don't have traditional sweets

so she's just served sugar.

Who's in the family?

Mum and dad...

No, not yours, your
wife's family.

She's from Jaunpur, no?

Your brother-in-law too, right?

Hmm?

Yes.

Right.

We got a hold of
your call records.

You must really love chatting
to your brother-in-law.

Nothing wrong with that.

Once a week, he delivers a
trunk and takes one back.

What's in those trunks?

It's just household stuff.

These guns seem perfectly fine.

So, he gets you fraud
guns from Jaunpur

and you sell our
good guns to him.

You profit

at Kaaleen bhaiya's expense.

You have to choose n...

Wha...

What have you done?!

Too much banter,
too little time.

Kaaleen bhaiya has
given us guns...

G-Guddu bhaiya,
leave them alive.

Wait for me outside.

Please, my baby.

You let them go?

Yeah, and I got this.

What's this?

Breast milk, remember?

Made a deal with her,

she keeps pumping it
and I let them live.

Gupta!

Mail this.

Okay.

And give me the receipt.

That I will.

But, Mr Pandit,
this is Mirzapur.

You can send all the
letters you want,

but nothing's going to change.

That's the end of the ritual,
here are the offerings.

You too.

Bless you.

Bless you.

Bless you.

Bless you.

Well, what do you think?

Sir, we'll have to upgrade, restructure
the deals with the gun distributors

and update the standard
operating procedures.

It's the only way the
business will grow.

Anything else?

Yes sir, hire women
and children.

Huh?

They don't smoke,
less of a hazard.

The women will finish
their work on time too,

they'll want to get home
to their kids and chores.

And we should put up a clock.

Shift changes will
be more efficient.

Hello.

- As salaam alaikum.
- Wa alaikum salaam.

This is Maqbool's nephew, Babar,

keep him with you,
show him the ropes.

Sure.

He's useless,

couldn't even handle
school, dropped out.

Maqbool, family is family,

however disappointing they may
be you must support them.

Listen up, boy.

Yes,

If you've taken up responsibility
fulfill it faithfully.

Loyalty is all that
matters in this business.

What was your suggestion
for the gun distributors?

We need to throw them a feast.

Please stand for the hymn.

Praise the Gods!

Maqbool.

Got them all?

Yes, sir.

Maqbool bhai,

why is Kaaleen bhaiya
seating us separately?

You've been handpicked, for
a special missive from him.

What's that?

In time...

enjoy your meal first.

Listen up, fellows.

I've decided to
implement a new system.

From now on no distributor
will get a gun on credit.

Cash only.

But sir, if we pay you in cash

and these guys take cash
from us every week...

The police won't be taking
money from you anymore.

Sir!

Guptaji, finish your meal.

There'll be dessert afterwards,

we'll talk then.

Sir, what about the fraud guns?

Usman bhai, we'll figure out
something for those too.

What a spread.

Hope you had your fill, boys.

Now you see, there's a problem.

All of you have a
Jaunpur connection.

Mr Gupta, the dealers won't pay
you protection money anymore.

Kaaleen bhaiya's reputation suffers
if anyone takes money from his men

and is left alive.

But, Kaaleen...

Please rest assured, the
men will handle this.

You will get a fair
share of the gun sales.

Now, to celebrate our new deal
let's bring out something sweet.

Bablu.

Singh...

Shall I leave, sir?

Full steam ahead!

If you can imagine it,
you can achieve it.

Here you go.

Take it!

Take it!

Sir,

the guns might explode.

You're head of quality
assurance, Mr Upadhyay,

they won't explode if
you've done your job.

Pick up one of the cheaper ones.

Wait.

You're right-handed, no?

Why're you aiming
with your left hand?

How about this -

pick another gun in
your right hand.

Let's test two in one go,
much more efficient.

Here, grab another one.

Go on, aim.

Sir...

Go for it!

If you use genuine truck parts
they shouldn't explode.

And yet they do, why?

Hmm?

Investigate thoroughly,
you'll find the problem.

And until you do, this is how
we'll do our "quality assurance".

Okay?

Later, then.

Motherfuckers, do you
guys wanna have a go?

Get out, beat it!

I can't sell you the
truck parts anymore.

Can't grease my palm if I
don't have fucking hands!

The cuntflaps, they were
making me test the guns.

Thank you.

Mr Pandit, how many more
letters will you write?

The violence is getting worse, the
town will implode at this rate.

Well, who'd know
better than you?

I hear it's your boys who're
causing this whole ruckus.

You're my friend, I've
watched your kids grow up.

I hope you can stop them.

You know what I mean, right?

Back again, Munna bhaiya?

Do the honors then.

Nice, come on, bro.

You're gonna love this snack.

Subodh!

Do you want something to eat?

Your friends must be hungry.

No, Grandma, we're fine.

We're discussing some business.

You should sleep.

Okay.

Your grandma's
really fucking cute.

That's why I love her so much.

They look expensive, Golu.

Return them if it makes
you uncomfortable.

I'm not uncomfortable, I just...

you won't get it until
it happens to you.

Guddu seems serious.

I hope you are too.

Otherwise he'll be heartbroken.

I want to be serious,
but what about Papa?

If you are serious
I'll talk to Papa.

Whatever happens you
know I have your back.

Golu, duck.

Two cream sorbets.

So pretty.

The earrings or I?

The earrings, because of you.

I'm a straightforward
guy, Sweety.

I gave you a gift,
you accepted it.

This is getting serious.

So, I wanted to be
honest with you.

I'm a gangster.

I have my own reasons for that,

but if you wish to return
the earrings do so now.

I'll understand.

I'm fairly straightforward
too, Guddu.

Why should I return
the earrings?

They suit me, you
said so yourself.

Guns don't scare me. Been
around them since I was a kid.

Just...

you'll be careful, won't you?

With myself, and you.

So, you're saying I can wear the
clothes right out of the machine?

You need to dry them a bit, but
this is the top-end model.

Where's Dimpy?

She's gone to a friend's
for some notes.

You know it's not safe here
at night and you still...

Don't worry, papa.

I'd like to see someone
lay a finger on Dimpy.

Oh, yes, I'd forgotten

she's protected by Michael
and Sunny Corleone.

Papa, please stop.

We're just starting to
enjoy the fruits of...

And what will you do
with all these "fruits"?

At the end of day, you'll
still be eating bread.

Yes, but at least we can
have it with chicken.

I'm done here, sir.

Have some please.

You have it,

should I pass you the chicken?

Gonna hit 200 today.

I feel strong. Pumped.

140,

Oh man, don't start again.

142, 143, 144, 145,146, 147,

These are Mirzapur's
history-sheeters -

kidnappers,

chain snatchers,

musclemen,

thieves.

Mirzapur's most notorious.

Tell them.

Sir,

is there a problem?

We make sure to give
Kaaleen bhaiya the money

along with our loyalty.

You're loyal, that's why
we've called you here.

Look,

our job is to make homespun guns

and yours is to fire them.

Right?

If we stop making the
guns, what will you fire?

Fuck all?

And if we don't fire them then what
will you do after making them?

Fuck all.

Bravo!

So, in order to survive
we need each other.

We want to increase the
homespun gun production

so you'll have to
fire them more.

We can only fire
the guns we have

and many of us don't
even have guns.

And if we solve this
problem of yours?

Well, then...

Alright.

Take your pick.

But how do we pay for these?

They're free.

Take whatever you want.

If this is not enough,
there's always more.

Earn what you can with these.

But remember,

keep the guns firing.

Yes, sir.

Also, it's possible that the
police might apprehend you.

But you won't be
hassled, I promise you.

Yes, sir.

Later, then.

Mirzapur is quiet these days
go and make some noise.

Just watch, sir we'll be
celebrating Diwali soon.

Let's go.

Guns for free, something
you just decided?

What if it doesn't work out?

Shouldn't you have
checked with me first?

Kaaleen bhaiya was in
the loop, Munna bhaiya.

Just be patient, I'm
sure we'll get results.

Right now, we've just
increased the supply.

Once they've tasted blood,

their demands will increase,
and so will our prices.

You just tell the factory workers
to get ready for overtime.

Sir, these boys are
ruining everything.

I'm well aware, Usman.

It's Papa's call

so be patient.

Yes, sir.

I'll think of something.

Okay.

We'll speak later.

Hey, Compounder.

Hmm?

The whole town is
running amok with guns

and you're still using
that damn razor.

Munna bhaiya,

there is poetry in
the razor's blade.

The "khchh" when it
pierces skin and flesh

that's what makes the
kill visceral; real.

You're talking like
a bloody lover.

Just one, neat slice and
the magic unfolds -

spitting blood from his throat,

his mouth frozen,
unable to scream,

the blood spattering
in beautiful patterns,

death becomes poetry;
poetry becomes death.

I need to piss.

I'll be back.

I'll come too.

Bravo!

This is true friendship,

we even piss together.

Hmm.

Let's go.

But...

we'll each hold our own, eh?

Ey, motherfucker.

What the fuck, huh?

Clean this.

It's just some piss, man.

Motherfucker.

You trying to tell
me what it is?

No, no, you're overreacting.

What did you say, cuntlicker?

Munna bhaiya is overreacting?

No, I...

Go on, lick it.

Hang on

can't just piss on me and leave.

Munna bhaiya, let's fuck him up.
Here.

Do it, do it.

Be still.

Be still, it's my first time.

Hold him.

Give it to me.

I'll show you how...

on his throat, and...

You were right, Compounder

about the poetry razor shit.

Just give me the word and

I'll give you another demo
whenever you want it.

I'm your friend

a friend in deed.

Time to piss.

Listen,

come here.

You know what, Compounder?

Yes?

In all of Mirzapur, no one
knows me better than you.

Well, there was my mum...

just you now.

Don't ever fuck me over, man.

Haseena, you lead the
tranny gang, yeah?

That's why I'm asking you.

Take it, sir, I'm
not stopping you.

Dip your hand in here
and take the money.

Don't you know
begging is illegal?

Are we the only people doing
illegal things in this town, sir?

What about the rest, huh?

- Wait, sir!
- Why are you leaving?

Hire me as a constable,

I won't beg then, my
pride matters to me too.

Where are you going,
motherfuckers?

Cuntflaps.

Oh look here, Sakina, Jasmine...

Ah ha!

Hello, Bablu bhaiya,
Guddu bhaiya.

Hello.

You know us?

Anything that happens in this
town, we get to hear of it first,

our network is solid.

Of course we know you.

Here.

May God bless you.

Come Jasmine, let's go.

Here's 500.

People recognize us now, eh...

Mummy!

Yes?

What the...

we got you a washing machine
and you're not using it?

I'm washing your
father's clothes.

Why?

Because I told her to.

My clothes will not
go in that machine.

Why are you behaving
like this, Papa?

No, no.

This town might be yours

but this house is still mine.

Papa, we can't get
into this every day.

Just tell us what you
want and we'll do it.

You know what I want.

That's impossible.

At first we didn't have a choice

but now we're enjoying it.

Okay, listen...

those curtains you liked?

Hmm.

Go buy them

and tell Dimpy to
buy some new jeans.

I'll tell her I got them
otherwise she won't take them.

I wanted to talk to
you about something.

You know, the grocer

we go to for our rations?

I don't like the way
he talks to me,

there's a certain
lack of respect.

Shall we straighten him out?

Do you have your gun?

Alright.

I'll get ready.

Alright.

I'll wear that saree.

Yes.

What are you doing, bro?

She's Guddu and
Bablu's mother, man.

She has to be treated
with respect.

Yes, but you can just
chat, why the gun?

Ugh.

Because I can.

This is the good life.

Well, if it isn't my
favorite priestess...

Hmm.

Well?

How's everything going
for you, Guddu?

I'm doing great.

As for you, we'll
know soon enough.

Guddu! Guddu!

Guddu, no!

I'll smash all your fingers

and put a bullet in your skull.
Got it?

I'm not that young,
lanky Guddu anymore.

My mother warrants respect.

Hmm?

Hmm.

What the fuck is this
"priestess" nonsense?

You could've just
told me, Mrs Pandit.

I understand!

I understand, Guddu bhaiya

and your groceries for
this month are free!

For the entire year, free!

Free for life!

Hey, listen!

Even after I die the Pandit household
won't pay for groceries, understood?

Anything else I can
do, Mrs Pandit?

How much for this?

Guddu Pandit.

Bablu Pandit.

If you want to live in this town

remember these names, arseholes.

I'm telling you right now.

Mirzapur will run
at our command.

Sir, you're bleeding us dry while
handing out free guns to those goons.

Just be patient, Usman.

Your profits will
multiply tenfold.

My child!

Get out.

File an FIR for your
measly stolen belongings?

But...

It's your life, and
property, right?

Be fucking responsible for it.

Once fear grips this town

it won't be just the goons who'll need
guns. The innocent will need guns too.

Guns for attack,

guns for defence.

We'll turn Mirzapur
into America.

Come on, give me the money.

This month's crime rate
has fallen, right?

Since we don't
report any crimes.

I've been thinking,

we should get Guddu and Bablu
into the "carpet" business.

They've done good work,

the balance of brains and
brawn is productive.

May I say something,
Kaaleen bhaiya?

Hmm?

Guddu and Bablu have
shot up quickly.

I think

Munna is feeling sidelined.

Munna is an idiot,
to feel like that.

After all, eventually the
business will be his.

Easy on the chillies
next time, please.

The government will ask us to
account for every ounce of spice.

Ah, you remembered, sir.

Well, to get you to do something

I know it won't happen without
some ice-cream first.

Ugh, strawberry.

Step up from vanilla, my man.

Try it.

How is it?

Mindblowing, sir.

So, Maurya

there's bloodshed in Mirzapur

and with elections
around the corner,

Lucknow is panicked.

The bosses have commanded
you be sent to Mirzapur.

Yes, sir.

If you've got a cold,
don't have it.

Sir, we're policemen.

What's a little sweetener
here and there?

Right then.

Go, clean up the city.

Off you go.

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