Mind Your Language (1977–1986): Season 2, Episode 5 - Don't Forget the Driver - full transcript

Come on Ranjeet, it's your turn.

I'm thinking what I'm
going to be doing.

You have been thinking for
five minutes.

Patience

We are playing scrabblo
not patience.

- What do you want Su Lee?
- 18

okay, here we go.

18.19.20.

Full cycle to win.

Very good. Bravo.

Right. It's your turn now Zoltan.



Hey. Atenci?n. Zoltan's turn.

It's all right. You throw

I'm no bad. What you want

5.

- You are getting better.
- Yes?

- You are starting to hit the board.
- Good.

What happened?

You are supposed to throw it
forward not to the backwards.

Where is it?

It's alright. I see it.

Oh me.

It's a good thing you
were wearing a

turban Ranjeet otherwise it would

have gone straight through
your head.



Oh, blimey! You wouldn't
have felt it.

You will feel my first in a moment.

Come on Ranjeet.

I'm still thinking.

Yeah, sikhs are slow thinkers.

Shut up man.

We must have time limito. Come.

Oh, I'm getting a good one. Sugar.

No goodo.

Quel idiot! Sugar is not
spelled S-H-U-G-A-R.

I think you are mistaken.

You damn fool. Everybody know
sugar is spelled with two Gs.

We win! You want game juan?

We no have time. Mr. Brown he
will be here pretty pronto!

You frighten you lose?

I bet you blind folded.

Let's see you get double the
top with Your eyes closed.

Easy. Easy.

Closed.

One, two,

Jamila.

Who did this?

Me. I was trying to get
that in top.

Looks like you get it
in the bottom.

Are you hurt Sid?

Huh?

Are you hurt?

You bend down and
you'll find out.

- What is going on in here?
- Not a thing.

- A dart game.
- I beg your pardon.

Sid was us telling how he
used to dart playing.

Well in future Sidney, kindly remember that
the students have more important

things to do, did you get my point?

Yeah, and his point as well.

- Good heavens!
- What's the matter?

This door is full of holes.

Maybe it's a wooden worm.

Wood worm.

Yeah, it's alright.

Yes. I just had a telephone
call from Mr. Brown.

He says he Would be along later.

Apparently, he is tied
up at his flat.

Oh, blimey. Shouldn't we be
going to untie him?

I was speaking metaphorically.

It is better you speako English.

Silence. Now Mr. Brown
may put up With

you stupid remarks
but I assure you

Will find me a very
different kettle of fish.

Excuse me please, what is mean
kettle of fish?

You'll find out. Now, until Mr. Brown

Arrives, I intend to find out what
sort of progress you are making.

You, how are you doing?

How are you doing?

Very pleased, thank you.
How are You doing?

I'm inquiring about your English.

Your English

No, no, Hungarian.

You're hopeless.

No, no, look Hungarian.

Sit down.

Thank you.

You. Give me the present
of the verb to move.

You know it not?

Well, of course I know it.

Oh good, then you can me tell?

It is not my place to tell you anything.

Okay, then you can tell me not.

- You!
- S?, se?ora.

What is a comma?

Por favor.

What is a comma?

Comma is when you are
unconscious.

That's a coma. A comma is
a Punctuation mark.

Oh, it's alright.

I don't think Mr. Brown is
teaching you anything.

Master is teaching us
very much English.

When I am arrived, not one
body is understand

me, now everybody is understand
every thing I am speak.

I see. Well, then in that
case, if someone

will stop you in the street
and ask you the time

what would you say?

That's wouldn't help them!

Oh yes, in my street, it's
all Indian peoples.

Silence. You!

Yes please.

Give ma a collective noun
for a collection of ants.

Aunties.

Not aunts. Ants. Insects.
What is a lot of ants?

A damn nuisance.

Have you never heard of swarm?

Yes please. England call
Pakistan a swarm.

Silence.

Oh sorry I'm late Miss Courtney.

So am I! I have just been seeing
how your students are getting on.

- Well, I think they're progressing.
- Yes, but in which direction?

What have you been saying?

Nothing, she is asking some
questions and we are telling

her some answers.

Well, that explains it.

Are you going away?

Only for one night. I'm having my flat
painted that's why I can't sleep there.

You're having your bed painted also?

No, just I can't stand the
smell of fresh glass paint.

Where would you be
sleeping tonight?

I'll probably stay at the YMCA.

Hey, much better that the YWCA.

I suppose any of you have a
spare room, do you?

It would give me much
pleasure for you

to Share my humble house,
but unfortunately,

my cousin and his
family and also his

cousin and his family
are staying with me.

You've got two families
both living in one house?

Two families both living in one room.

You are very welcome to come
and Stay with me.

Have you got a spare room?

No. But I have a very big bed.

Well, thank you for the offer but
I thing it'd better be in the YMCA.

- You can with me stay.
- Don't tell me you've got a very big bed also?

No. I have a small bed, better much.

Okay, you stay with us.

Who's Huss? Us?

Me and Giovanni.

Sure we've got a room.

I didn't know you share a flat.

Yeah, I had to leave my other place.

I had a big fight with the
neighbor because of the noise.

What noise?

Every night after mid night
guitar practice For one hour.

- Surely you can ask them to stop.
- No.

- Why not?
- It's me who practice the guitar.

And you still practice the
guitar, do you?

- No, finish guitar.
- Thanks goodness for that.

Now I practice the drums.

What?

That's ajoke. I don't practice
anything. What do you say?

- Will you stay with us?
- Well, I am

Okay, you stay. Hey,
why don't we have a party.

That's a good idea.
Everybody comes.

I'll bring a bottle.

Yeah, make it sure
it's not empty.

I'll bottle bring.

We'll get us a pizza.

Chicken curry.

Fried rice.

Chapati and popadoms.

Ensalata.

Guiash.

German sausage.

Paella a la valenciana.

Duck.

Quiche Lorraine.

I make you suki-yaki.

We'll give you a night
you'll never forget.

That's what I'm afraid of.

Well, come in professor.

Oh, thank you.

This is the hall, this is the
kitchen, this is

my bedroom, Max's bedroom, this
is the Living room, and this

And that's my bedroom.

No, that's the bathroom.

Oh, where am I sleeping?

You sleep here on the sofa.

Sure, it's very comfortable.

What was that?

What was what?

That awful noise.

It's only a train.

Only a train! This is worse then
the Waiting room of waterloo station.

Don't worry, you'll get used to it.

They only run every ten
minutes After rush hour finish.

I'll never get to sleep
through all that noise.

We'll give you cotton ball
to put in your ears.

Well, I would need it.

Hey, we better go get the drinks.
You wanna come with us professor?

Well actually I'd like a bath
if that's alright with you?

Okay, we'll be back in 10 minutes.

I left them here on the table.

Where is professor?

- Well he said he was going to have
a bath. - - Okay, come on. Alright.

Just a moment.

Hello! Max! Giovanni!
Anybody there?

The sergeant! Yes madame!
A burgaler. Don't panic.

Stay where you are and I'll send
a police car around right way.

- He's trying to pick next door's lock.
- Don't worry, I'll sort him out.

Oh, I do hope this sort of thing
doesn't happen often.

I only moved in here yesterday.

Stand back, I'm going out there.
George, you stay with Mrs. Partridge.

Alright, come quietly.

- Oh, look you're making a mistake.
- Could be.

No but I'm staying here
with a friend.

What's the address?

I don't know. I've never
been here before, you see?

I see.

Look there's a perfectly
simple explanation

Well, why don't we come
down to the station

And tell it to the perfectly
simple sergeant.

Hey, the professor is not out here.

He is not in the bathroom.

Well, he's not out the either.

Maybe he decided to sleep
at YMCA after all.

No, his bag is still there.

He said he was gonna have a bath.

Oh blimey, maybe he has
gone down the plug hole.

A Japanese philosopher has said:
When the person

is not here,
he must be somewhere else.

We know he's somewhere
else, but somewhere where?

Hey, what's the matter?

It's Mr. Brown.

- What about Mr. Brown?
- He's gone.

Gona?

Ten minutes he was here,
now he's gone.

He is not dead, he is vanished.

- Alright, what's your name?
- Jeremy Brown.

- Brown?
- Yes.

I suppose that'll make a
change from a smithor

Jones.
Now, according to P.C. Barnes,

- you were caught breaking and entering.
- I was not breaking and entering.

- Were you picking the lock?
- Yes, but

- Do you live there?
- No, but

Charge: Breaking and entering.

Look, you're making a
terrible mistake.

That's what criminals said.

I demand to see my lawyer.

Sid, they've not nabbed you
tonight as well.

Is he one of you accomplicies?

No, I know him. He can voter for me.

He is in a state he ever can't
vote for his own mother.

- What has he done Barnes?
- Drunk and disorderly.

- Pardon?
- Drunk and disorderly.

So am I.

Sergeant, he is the care taker at the
school where I teach.

He will tell you who am I.

You, do you know this man?

He's a cop.

Sid, it's me, look! Tell the
sergeant who I am.

Charlie Frenzbaf.

What?

Never tell him your own name son.

Oh, take him away. Bring
him back when he's sober.

I'll be your sweet heart.

Now, Mr. Brown or Frenzbaf or
whatever you call yourself

- Brown
- Professor

Max! Giovanni! Thank goodness
you're here. Look, tell

this, tell this sergeant who am I.

He's Mr. Jeremy Brown.

He teach us to speak the English.

Do you live in 6 Windsor road?

Sure we do. What happened?
Where have you been?

Well, I've got locked out on your
balcony and your

and your Public spirited
neighbor thought I was

a burglar and called the police.

So you were telling
the truth, hum?

And I have a good mind to
see you for false arrest.

If you do so, there'll be a
charge of asault and battery.

I haven't asaulted anyone.

No, but I should go now
before I do.

Hey, everybody.
We found Mr. Brown.

Now we all have a party.

Hey where is all the food?

We saved you a piece of quiche.

Oh good.

Blimey, actually I can do
with the drink.

No drink.

No drop?

S?! One drop!

Don't worry professor. I'll
fix everything for us.

Max, go.

Okay, I'll go get some beer.

Then we'll all have a party.

No, not all of us. I've
made a date with Danielle.

We are going to have a dance.

Enjoy yourselves.

We must also be go.

Yes

Master, Ali will let me
watch his television.

Yes, we don't want to
Starkers and Cruch.

Jolly good. See you at school time.

Bye everybody.

Thousands apologies.

Why? What have you done?

Nothing. It's what time are
you going to be doing?

What are you going to be doing?

Take Ingrid for a show.

We're going to see Sweedish film.

It's being all about
Sweedish Nopal.

I think you mean Noble.

That is correct. You'll be
excusing us please!

Yeah, certainly. Have a good night.

Don't tell me you two are
going to the pictures too!

No, not so. See Lee and me
go to bedo

Not together, I'm going home
to read a little red book.

I go sleep home.

Too much saki.

Too much saki.

Hope you had a pleasant night.

That's going to be a
sleeping party.

Not to worry. Now we got
plenty of beer for five.

You have even more for three.

Oh not you too Anna.

Yeah, us too. I help Zoltan
mid home walk.

Good morning.

Good night.

Alright then, we are three.

Okay everybody hey,
where is everybody?

- They all went out.
- We've got such nice friends.

Hey, why don't we go down
to the disco?

Yes, it's a good idea. And we
will pick up a couple of birds.

I don't want to pick up a
couple of birds.

Professor is right.
We don't want to

pick up a couple of birds,

we'd pick up three birds.
One each.

Now you two go on.

Why don't you want to
come with us?

Well, I feel tired and wounded. I think
I'll just turn in for the night.

You sure now?

Yeah, but don't let that stop
you from going.

Okay.

I'll just get ready for bed.

And you'll find some blankets
in the cupboard

Any cotton balls?

In the bathroom.

Thank you, see you tomorrow.

Why is he shouting?

I don't know.

You want a beer before we go?

Sure!

It's stuffy in here! That's better.

Nice party!

Fantastic. You know Max?
I really fancy that Ingrid.

Yeah, you fancy anyone.

That's not true, is it?
I don't fancy you.

Hey, our lights just gone out.

Mr. Brown must wanting
to sleep.

We better go to the disco.

Okay.

It's locked.

Hey, professor.

The house was very quiet,
nothing could be

heard. Yet the old lady could
almost feel a

sense of heaving. She listened,
the silence was

opressive. Suddenly there
was a knock at the

window.

Yes, sergeant. Oh, it's not
you again ma'am.

Are you sure it's not the
same fellow? There are

two fellows? Look, I suggest
you just sit there and

wait, go around and see a
neighbor and wait till

the constable arrives, okay?

Coming!

Oh please excuse me, the front
door was open. I did knock.

Oh sorry, I was a sleep.

There are burglars on my balcony.

Are you sure?

Yes, I saw their evil looks.
They might be opening my

doors now.

The front window wasn't locked.

Oh I see alright leave it with me.
I'll go see what they're up to.

Do be careful!

Yes!

What are we going to do?

Break the window.

Max! Giovanni!
What are you doing here?

You locked us out.

Yeah, we knocked on the
window next door

and the woman screamed
and ran away.

She thought you were burglars.

Come on, get inside.

Just a moment. I'll go
get the beer.

No, no, no. I'll go get it.
You stay here.

Alright. Turn around.

Now are you sure you don't
mind me staying

Here for the night?

Not at all sir. I think it will be
safer for both

Right. At least I'll get
some sleep.

Good night sir!

Good night.

Who's that?

It's you Mr. Brown.
Let's sing a song!