Mind Your Language (1977–1986): Season 1, Episode 6 - Come Back All Is Forgiven - full transcript

- Good evening Mr. Brown
- Good evening Gladys

You'll get me shot!
They're for her ladyship

She won't miss one

- ls the old dragon in?
- Yes the old dragon is in

- Oh, good evening - I'll take that

Are we economising on biscuits, Gladys?

I'll get you some more

- I don't think she likes
me - She doesn't like anybody

- By the way, many happy returns of the
day - How did you know it was my birthday?

I saw your date of birth last
week in her ladyship's ledger

- Accidentally of course - Oh, of course



You haven't told anyone
else it's my birthday, have you?

No, not a soul

Quick please! Teacher coming

- Good evening - Ready. Von, two, tree

Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday Mr. Brown!
Happy birthday to you

- Wasn't that nice?
- Hadn't told a soul, eh?

Well I might have mentioned
it to one or two people

Thank you all for your good wishes

- We are wanting to show our
appreciation - That's very kind of you

- And we are all buying you a
little present - What? Oh, no

- You shouldn't have - But we already have

May your shadow never diminish

- Thank you! Can I open it now? - Yes please



It is something for you
to be using every day

- A pen, very nice - It is what
you are calling a waterfall pen

- A waterfall pen? - That is correct

- Ah, you mean a fountain pen
- A thousand apologies for my ignorance

Excuse me

- What for you buy a pen?
- For the birthday

- I buy the pen - I am not
knowing what you are buying

You take your pen and change
for something else

No, it's you who must be
changing! Teacher prefer my pen

How you know?

Mr. Brown, my pen is much better

- It write underwater
- I'm sure that's very useful

My pen is writing in different colours

Look, I'll tell you what I'll
do! I'll take both pens

After all, two pens are better than one

- Excuse please - Yes Taro

Three pens better than two

- You haven't? - Yeso

I'll tell you what! Rather
than show any preference

It might be a good idea if you all
exchanged your pens for something else

Thank you

- Por favor? - Yes Juan

- Felicidades en su cumplea?os
- Por favor, Pardon?

- Happy bornday - Birthday

- S?, s? - Thank you

- I wonder what this is
- Pluma estilogr?fica

- Yes what's that? - A pen

Oh dear!

- I change? - Yeah I think so...
but thank you

- Happy birthday professori
- Thank you Giovanni

For you!

Well at least, it's not a pen

- It's a salami! Mucha garlic, very
strong - Yes, I can smell that! Thank you

- Excuse me please! Many happy
returnings - Thank you Ali

I am buying for you nothing at all

Oh well, never mind

- But I am giving you this - A card?

Oh no, inside you will be
finding a gift voucher from Arrid's

- Harrods? - Yes please

You can be buying
anything whatsoever you are wishing

- Anything? - Oh yes

From Harrods of Knightsbridge?

No please Arrids of Camden!

Abraham Arrids! Second hand
shop! Nothing over a pound

Oh well thank you Ali

Yes Jamila

- Hoppy - Happy, yes

- Bertday - Well done! Thank you

Very nice

Holly

- Holly? - Holly

Holy

- Worn by Gaai - Gaai? A holy monk?

No Gaai!

Holy Cow

And now it's my turn
to give you something

Yes Danielle

But first, I wish you happy
birthday like we do in France

Quiet! Quiet!

San you... Thank you Danielle

- And I have something else
very French - Thank you

- Eau de toilette! Merci
beaucoup - Je vous en prie

It is a pleasure for me
to give you something

Excuse me please!

What is the nature of the gift you
are receiving from Danielle?

Eau de toilette! Toilet
water! You put it on your face

Oh blimey!! You are putting water
from the toilet on your face?

- No Ali, not that kind of
toilet water - Jelly good

May the spillit of universal
blotherhood descend upon you

- I'm sure it will - Boo to lead evely day

- I hope it's a good read
- The best! Thoughts of Chairman Mao

- Very uprifting! Lifting
- Personarry autoglaphed

- By Mao? - By me

- Now is me - Yes Anna

I haf made for you a grosse apfel strudel

- Very grosse! Dane - Bitte

Thank you all for you generous gifts

But I really think we ought to
get on with our lesson

Now, this week we are going to
look at the vowel sounds

- Anybody know what a vowel
sound is? - Yes please

- It is rumbling tummy
- Ali, vowel not bowel

- Sorry please - There are
five vowels in the alphabet

- A, E, I, O, U - A, E, I, O, U

Firstly, we will take the letter A

This can be pronounced in three
different ways! It can be Ay, A, or AH

Ay, A, or Ah

- Excuse me - Yes Max?

I am not understanding
how can a A be a R?

It isn't the letter R, but
sometimes it is pronounced AR

Dio Gratios, what a language!

I'll give you some examples! Let
us take the word FAT

- Now that has a flat A sound! AH - AH

Good

But if we add an E to the end of fat

- What do we have? - Fatty

No Giovanni, Fate

Does anybody now what
the word fate means?

- Por favor - Yes Juan

- Two fate - Two fate?

Si se?or, one right fate, one left fate

No Juan, those are feet

Perd?n

Now moving on to the E! The letter E is
usually pronounced ''eh'' as in bet, set, get

But there are of course
exceptions to the rule!

For example, FETE is also pronounced Fete

Si se?or, one right fete, one left fete

- No, no Juan - No?

- Those are feet, I told you
before - It's alright, it's alright

Let's move on to the letter I which
is usually pronounced I or IH

Can anybody give me an
example of the IH sound?

How would you pronounce FIT?

- Feet - Si se?or, one right feet,
one left feet

- No Juan - No?

- Imbecile - Imb?cil t?

If you want to argue, argue in English

- Go back to ltaly you Italian
spaghetti - You big spanish omellette

Excuse me, her ladyship wants
to see you in her office

Thank you Gladys! I'll be in in a moment

Maybe she's gonna give
you the birthday present

Yes and maybe the pope is getting married

He is? I never read that

It was a joke

Look I'll be as quick as I can

Meanwhile, if you all
turn to page eighty three

And study the sentences giving
examples of various vowel sounds

Giovanni, would you take charge of
the class while I'm away?

Sure

Allow me

O, I'm in charge! Who wants the vino?

Enter

- You wanted to see me Miss Courtney? - Yes

- I understand it's your birthday
- That's correct! Another milestone

Personally, I don't believe in
celebrating birthdays

I fail to see how the passing of
years can be an occasion for rejoicing

No of course! You're right I suppose

Now Mr. Brown! When you commenced teaching
here, I said I'd give you a month trial

- Yes - That month is now up

And I feel it's only fair to you to put
an end to your worry about the future

That's very kind of you Miss Courtney
and I assure you, you won't regret it

I know I won't

Miss Hardacre will start on Wednesday

- Miss Hardacre? - Yes

She will be taking over your class

You remember I did tell
you I prefer women teachers

You mean I've got the push?

Let's just say we no
longer require your services

I feel that Miss Hardacre will
be much more suitable

Well in that case, I suggest you get Miss
much suitable Hardacre to take over tonight

Because I'm going home

- You can't just walk out
like that? - Oh yes I can

I won't say it's been a
pleasure because it hasn't

All I can say is ''In lndia you'd be sacred''

10 p.

Okay, I stick

Pontoon, five card tricks only

- What you got? - Queen
of heart, Jockey of spades

You should not be playing the cards! You
should be learning the English

Anna is right! You should
be improving your mind

You can improve my mind
anytime! How about tonight?

We have the meal, a couple of glass
of vino, then back to my place to make love

- That is not improving the mind
- No, but it's very good for the body

Teacher is coming!

Would you all pay attention please! I have
something rather important to tell you

I'm afraid that Miss Courtney has
terminated my engagement

- That is very big surprise to me
- Yes it was a bit of a shoc to me as well

We are not knowing that you
and Miss Courtney were engaged

You don't understand

I mean to coin a phrase
I've been given the boot

Si se?or, one right boot, one left boot

No Juan, can't you understand! I've
been fired - I've been given the bullet

Santa Maria! She tried to shoot you?

No, I've been dismissed

- Dismissed? - Yes

- You are reaving us? - I'm afraid so

Mais c'est incroyable,
c'est formidable enfin!

- Why you leave? - Miss
Courtney doesn't think I'm suitable

We go speak to her

I'm afraid that speaking to
her won't do any good at all

O.K. We twist her arms a little bit

Yes, we tell here if she not
let you stay, we work her over

You'll do nothing of the sort! We
don't have Mafia tactics in this country

Vat is going to happen to us?

Another teacher will be taking
over the class! A Miss Hardacre

- I'm already not liking her -
It's not fair! On your birthday

As they say in France, ''C'est la vie''

Well, I've enjoyed meeting you all

I wish you all every success with
your studies in the future

- Good bye Su Lee
- Velly solly to roose you

- Jamila - Good efening

Anna!

- Max - Goodbye Mr. Brown

Taro!

- Good lucko - Thano

- Juan - Adi?s amigo

Ranjeet

- I am wishing you, all you're
wishing yourself - Thank you

- Giovanni - It's very sad

Please Giovanni you mustn't be upset

I can't help it! I'm emotional

Oh blimey, you are starting
me off now you damn fool

Come on Ali, it's not the end of the world

- Goodbye - Goodbye

Danielle!

There will always be a place
for you... Right here...

That's very kind of you

Well, goodbye everybody! Than
you for your presents

Good luck

- I thought you'd gone
- Just collecting my things

- Goodbye - Goodbye

Now, as you are no doubt aware Mr.
Brown is no longer with us

It is making us very sad

I've telephoned your new teacher, Miss
Hardacre and she will be arriving shortly

In the meantime, I shall take the class

Now then, let's see
how you're progressing

You, with the turban

- What is this? - Pencil

- It's not a pencil
- It is looking like a pencil to me

Let's try again

- What's this? - A finger

- Did Mr. Brown teach you anything?
- Yes please

He is making us work like the clippers

- Clappers - Clippers or clappers

We are working very hard

We are all very sad he has gone

Quiet now! Quiet!

It's really no concern of yours

I'm sure you'll find Miss
Hardacre more than efficient

After all, a woman can
do everything a man can do

- Not everything
- I'm speaking academically

Excuse me Miss Courtney! There's a
person out here who wants to see you

- What sort of person? - I'm not sure

- Miss Courtney? - Yes

Hardacre!

Oh, I thought they were
sending me a woman

I am a woman

I do beg your pardon! It must've been...

Perhaps you'd like to come to my
office to have a cup of coffee

No, no time for coffee!
We must get started

Crack the whip, show them who's
boss! Keep them on their toes

And by the look of them, they need it

Beautifully put!

- But I think we ought to have a
little chat first - Very well

In the meantime, you can
go on studying your books

Don't talk! Sit still,
I'll be back immediately

Oh blimey, what a funny
woman we are having

I don't think I am going
to like this new teacher

- I go home - I go home too

What is the use of going home? You
cannot learn the English at home

- Maybe I find a way - There is no way

I'm thinking if we make new teacher
go, perhaps Mr. Brown is coming back

- How we make new teacher go? - Very easy

That's not good! We get
the blood all over the class

Much better we push her out of the window

It is looking like we
are being stuck with her

We must do something

- It is duty to obey erected
authorities - Not so

- Raws are made to be obeyed
- Not if laws is bad law

- Principals action unjust - He's right

But what do we do?
There's nothing we can do

- Hey, I got an idea - What idea?

- We have a strike
- Yeah, let's have the strike

What is a strike? Does this
mean we are going to be fighting?

No, no, no! A strike!
It's like a big onions

- Vat onions? - The trade onions

Excuse please! I am thinking your
strike not going to be woring

- What we are needing is to be revolting
- And I'm thinking you are already revolting

You are asking for kick up the Khyber!

Hey, lets not quarrel among ourselves

- I know, why don't we have a
sit out? - You mean a sit in

- Much better adopt poricy of
non coopulation - Por favor?

When new teacher alives in crassloom we
no co-opulate! Known as passive lesistance

For once, Japan and China in
agreement! We no speako to new teacher

I like it! We keep the traps shut

Silenzio, understand?

- Si, no speak - Not a word

- That's right - Se?ora, she comes

I'm your new teacher!
My name is Miss Hardacre

And I've come to drum English into
your respective alien heads

And you're here to learn, understand? Good

I'd have to take your names

You, what's your name?

Are you deaf?

You, your name?

You, name?

I see

Well, I don't know how long you
think you can keep this up

But I assure you, you won't
make any difference to me

I'm just gonna sit
here until somebody speaks

You've squashed my apple strudel!

I think I've got most of it off now

- I'll be sending the bill of
course - I thought you might

If you don't mind, I'll
have that cup of coffee now

So sorry, I'm afraid I've drank it all!
You'll find the tea room down the corridor

Tea room! Tea room!

You surely don't expect me to queue
up with all the students! Oh no, no, no

While I'm teaching here, I take my
coffee in your office! Black, no sugar

And while I'm here, I'll just
look through your prospectus

From the little I've seen, you could
do a great deal of reorganisation

- Who is it? - It's me Gladys
with the coffee and biscuits

Come in

- You look a bit harrassed - I am harrassed

- It's that new teacher, isn't it? - Yes

The foreign students haven't
spoken a word since Mr. Brown left

As a result, Miss Hardacre is spending her
time reorganizing the entire school

She's already reduced two
other teachers to tears

And caused the caretaker
to hand in his notice

It's only a matter of
time before she takes over my job

Why don't you get rid of her and
as Mr. Brown to come back?

- I can't do that - Why not?

Not after dismissing him! I have my pride

Mind you if he asked to come
back, I'd be only too happy to accept

- As to come back? - We miss you

Loo, when I got your
message to call here

- I thought it was something
serious - But we are serious

If you asked Miss Courtney she's
gonna have you back

No, I'm sorry! It's out of the question!
If she wants me back, she'll have to ask me

Now, if that's all, I'll say goodbye

Mr. Brown please

- I was just seeing somebody - I was
just going to look in on your old class

- I was wondering - I was wondering

- Sorry - After you

No, no, no after you!

Well I was just wondering whether
you'd consider coming back

I was just going to ask if there
was any chance of me coming back

- That's settled then - I thought
you preferred women teachers

I do, but Miss Hardacre was more
masculine than most men I've met

- Well, you want the job
back or don't you? - Yes

Good, you've got it

We win, we win! Mr. Brown is coming back

If you'd all sit down! We've a
lot of catching up to do I'm afraid

Excuse please! Before we are doing that
we are all changing your birthday pens

And buying you other gift from Arrods

- The Camden Arrods you mean?
- Oh yes indeed

- Here you are - Thank you! A wallet

A wallet? I've got a wallet

I've got a wallet too