Midsomer Murders (1997–…): Season 15, Episode 1 - The Dark Rider - full transcript

(THUNDER)

(RATTLING)

(NEIGHS)

Aaagh!

(BARKS)

(NEIGHING)

Geoffrey.

Geoffrey.

Died around midnight.
Cause of death...

Long fall, landing on head.

How very scientific.
It's self-evident.



If it's all right with you,
I'll do a full before finalising.

So what happened?

Man fell from the roof
of Quitewell Hall.

What was he doing on the roof
in the middle of the night?

The only witness,
Toby DeQuetteville,

said he saw a grey horse riding
away just after the old man fell.

And who was out riding
in the middle of the night?

In a very aggressive
electrical storm.

Don't know, sir.
But apparently, he had no head.

(BANGS TRAY)

I beg your pardon?

Witness said the horserider
had no head.

Drunk or stoned?
I was on duty, sir.

And he saw a headless rider.



That's not remotely suspicious,
is it?

No, sir.

We'd better get up there. Who is he?

Bentham DeQuetteville, brother of Sir
Ludovic DeQuetteville of Quitewell Hall.

Toby! Toby, the sign's twisted.

Sorry, darling?

The sign is twisted.

Oh, no.

I'm sorry. I just er...

Bit upset.
Of course.

We all are. Have to keep going
though, don't we?

Simon. Simon. You are holding
the ladder, aren't you?

You're absolutely right
about what you said.

Atta boy.
I didn't mean to...

The police will be here soon.

Can we put these up?

(SHOUTING)

Yee-ha!

Whoa!

Julian, for God's sake!

Have a wonderful day, won't you,
ladies and gentlemen.

Remember the coach leaves at four
sharpish.

You'll find the facilities inside.

Julian, remember they pay the bills.
Yeah, yeah.

And you've damaged the wheel again.
Just having a laugh.

Today of all days.

Betty, Bentham was my uncle.

Not yours. Mine.

And he was a proper DeQuetteville.

Not some jumped-up colonial blow-in.

So why don't you keep your sanctimonious
little opinions to yourself?

I do apologise for my husband.

It's your problem, Diana.

I married the nice one.

Morning, Ludo, Isabel.

Oh, God, it's ugly Betty.
Izzy!

Take no notice.
I don't.

Got a big crowd coming this week
for the battle.

Oh! Go the Cavaliers!

Death to the Roundheads!

Healthy and Safety have
said that if it descends to

its usual drunken brawl
they'll ban it next year.

Nonsense. They wouldn't dare.
Local tradition!

Come on, we've got massive debts.

We've got to encourage every penny
through the gates.

You're such a boring nag.

The police will be here soon.

Why?

To investigate Bentham's death,
I imagine.

Probably think you gave him a shove.
He fell.

Probably had a few.

You like horses, sir?

No.

Nasty brutish creatures.

They always tread on me.

Modest little place.

An Englishman's castle is his home.

Been saving that one, have you?

For years, sir.

I wish you'd saved it a bit longer.

Hello. Diana DeQuetteville.

How do you do?

Simon, is that straight?

Check it's aligned.

Ow.
All right, baby brother?

Cops want to talk to us.

Why?
I don't know. Maybe it's their job.

Keep your trap shut about
the family business, all right?

What family business?

Exactly.

And leave the idiot here.

Don't call him that.
What else should I call him?

We're in the library.

I'm sorry if we sound callous,
but we didn't like Bentham.

Total misery.

Spat at the visitors.
Smelled of boiled cabbage.

And his death hasn't really
increased his charm at all.

Jones.
Right.

Mr Toby... Mr Toby...

Last night, you told me...

you were...

I was taking the dog out for a walk.

Slash.

And... I heard these cries.

I came running round the corner.

And there was poor Uncle Ben.

You know, awful.
You saw a grey horse riding away.

I did, yeah.

And you say the rider had no head.

God.

Er... Well, yeah.

He was a bit...

headless.

And as your uncle died,
he said the name Geoffrey.

Toby?

I might have misheard that.

He was on the ground. You know...

I don't know really.

And Geoffrey...

Is there a Geoffrey in the family?

I can't think of a Geoffrey.
Can you, Izzy?

Geoffrey...

No. There's a Rupert in Norfolk.

Mind you, he's pretty dead as well.

Isn't he, Betty?
Mm.

There's a mark here.

An arc of a small wheel.

Presumably attached to the bottom
of these bookshelves.

So sharp he'll cut himself.

Ah, a priest's hole.

May I?

A headless horseman.

Riding a grey horse.

Called Geoffrey.

Geoffrey DeQuetteville.

1605-1645.

He's been dead 400 years.

What happened to his head?

He lost it at the Battle of Naseby.

Charging cannon.
Another damn fool.

This family is a procession
of idiots through the ages.

But why your reluctance to share this
fascinating piece of family history?

There's this damn silly family
legend, isn't there?

Whenever Geoffrey is seen riding around
on his horse, pointing at someone,

it means that someone
is going to die.

Imminently.

There's been a lot of funny stuff
going around here of late.

No, there's not.

I saw the lady of the lake.

And I heard the chap in the cellar.
You did not.

I did! This place
is chocker with ghosts.

It is not.

It is!
Ludo!

If we could just stick to the point
for the moment.

Has this horse thing
ever actually happened before?

Has the myth ever become the reality?

(SLAMS DOOR)

And that young man was?

That's my son.

That's Simon DeQuetteville.

And his particular problem would be?

A few years ago, Toby's first wife
Angela was killed in a riding accident.

Simon was with her.

He got this idea that there was
a headless horseman involved.

So we shoved the painting in there
to stop it upsetting him.

He's going to get a lot better.

You know, it...
When his mind can cope.

He's going to get a lot better.

And he's going to come back to us.

You know... Just like new,
right as rain.

You really mustn't let it
get you down, darling.

I don't.

The remains of a torn flag.

Is that what got him up here?

What have you got down there?

A lot of gravel.

There's wheel tracks,
but nothing horsey.

OK, get digging.

Who owns a grey horse? Who benefits
by Bentham's death?

Are you sure we're not just dealing
with a bunch of nutters, sir?

Not relevant, Jones. Probably true.

But not relevant.

(WHISTLING)

Testing!

(CANNON)

Every damn year, every damn month
they do something.

Take this.

Deliberately corrupt history.

I've got to do something.

I'll ask them over.
Waste of time.

It was Naseby.

They never got over Naseby.

There's no grey horse
in the DeQuetteville stable.

And no-one really stands to benefit
from Bentham's death.

He was the younger brother so
he didn't have much of his own.

And the family?
High-level source, my gran,

says the whole family are
total nut-jobs owing to

hundreds of years of
inbreeding with their cousins.

I love your gran.
She's right though.

Betty is the first time they
married out of their class for ages.

Also, the DeQ's have
been having an ongoing

row with their neighbours,
the Fleetwoods.

Who they fought in some battle during
the Civil War, whenever that was.

1642-1651.

Wow, that's some row.

The Fleetwoods are
saying their lives are

being ruined by the
noise from Quitewell.

The DeQ's say 'Tough.'
The Fleetwoods say 'We'll sue.'

And so it goes on.

(GALLOPING)

Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome.

See, he was born with an extra
connection in the heart

that allows the electrical signals

to bypass the atria-ventricular node

and move from the atria to the
ventricles faster than usual.

Which means?

It eventually disrupts
the co-ordinating movement

of the electrical signals through the
heart, leading to cardiac arrest.

Death.
That's what I just said.

So he wasn't pushed.

It's a highly unlikely coincidence.

Thank you.
So it was an accident, then.

Jones, a headless horseman
was also present.

Probably frightened him off the roof.

Accident? I don't think so.

Can we get some speed up on this?

He hates accidents.
Makes him feel superfluous.

Sasha!

Looking gorgeous as ever.

Tell me, why don't you leave
geeky boy and run off with me?

So sorry to hear about your uncle.

Harry's in his games room.
Why don't we go through?

Oh, goody. Harry's playroom.
What fun.

Oh, wow. Wow!

You see, this is what
really happened at Naseby.

Harry, you never change, do you?
Still as boring as ever.

Your Geoffrey committed his entire
cavalry wing, there,

to defeating John Fleetwood's
foot brigades, there.

Leaving himself with nothing in
reserve for when we came back at him.

No wonder he got his head blown off.

When you put it like that -
Shut up, moron.

Do you want to tell us
what we're doing here?

I have a life waiting
outside, you know.

We need a buffer zone between us.

So we want to buy
Long Meadow off you.

You what? Why on earth
would we do that?

Easier to stage the battles
and the rock concerts.

1812, cannons and fireworks.

Zumba.
Harry's coming out in hives.

Boo-hoo.

Seriously, you've got as much chance
of getting your mitts on the meadow

as the Roundheads do of defeating
the Cavaliers next Sunday.

Goodbye.

Toby.

You're on.

I'm on what?
Let's make it a wager.

If the Roundheads win,
you give us Long Meadow.

Sasha.
But we always win.

Remember? We've got the bigger
blokes. We've got the cavalry.

So put your money
where your mouth is.

I think you've spent too
long in Harry's playroom.

Turned you bonkers.

Goodbye.

So you won't even bet
on a dead cert.

Are you wimpy, DeQuetteville?

All right, why don't you put
your money where your mouth is.

How much?
The current value of the meadow.

Sash.
I don't think...

Toby.

OK, you're on.

Easy money.

Make my day.

If you cancel, we still win.

I'll have our lawyer
email you the deal.

I look forward to it.

Harry.

Come on. I don't have all day.

What have you done?

Don't worry, darling.
I'll sort this. I'll see you later.

OK?

Sasha! Sasha!

Hi.

Toby? I thought you'd gone.

Julian was driving into town
and he sort of...

He dumped me, to be honest.

Hop in and I'll drop you off.

Would you?

Thanks so much. Bye!

Hiya.
What did they want?

Nothing. Well, something...

You'll never guess what.

They wanted to buy Long Meadow.
You said no?

Well, yes. Sort of.

Sort of what?
Er...

I said no. But Julian...

You know Julian. He just sort of...

It's silly really.

He sort of...

bet Long Meadow on the result
of the battle.

I'll kill him.
They can't win.

Don't be cross. They never win.

I don't suppose the bet
was Sasha's idea?

You know what? Now you mention it,
I think it was.

I don't think it was Harry's...

Give me the strength!

Amanda.

Sasha, how lovely to see you.

Very beautiful.

You too.
Don't start.

God forbid.

We all do what we have to do.
Absolutely.

And you do it so well.

So be happy for me.

I want to hire your entire stables
for the day on Sunday.

Serious stuff.

All your horses will have suspected
equine flu on Sunday.

What are you up to?
Being mean to Julian.

And have a chat
to all your horsey chums.

Same deal.

No-one rents to the DeQ's.

Bye.

Didn't you do the Civil War
at school?

Roundheads, Cavaliers, Cromwell.

Execution of Charles I.

History.
Yes.

But it wasn't exactly yesterday.

So please, miss, could
you answer the question?

OK, come here.

The Roundheads won at Naseby.

But the DeQuettevilles, who were
Royalists, Cavaliers,

have never really liked that result.

So when they bung on their battle
re-enactment,

they fix it
so that the Cavaliers win.

They did have the nicer gear.

They ain't gonna win this year.

How come?

I am going for historical accuracy.

You?
Yes.

The new secretary
of the Historical Society.

I'm gaining the respect of my staff.
Oh, now just hang about there.

What?
Turf!

Turf what?
You are encroaching on mine.

I'm investigating a particularly
weird death up there.

What's that got to do with me
and my history?

I don't know. I just don't like it.

Gut feeling, is it, sir?
Do not mock.

We are in a much smaller
community now.

We're bound to overlap sometimes.

Live with it.

And please don't involve the dog.

Lovely morning.

Nice view.

You haven't seen any headless
horsemen hanging around, have you?

Don't joke. Could be you next.

Thanks for your concern.

If I see any bogeymen,
I'll hunt them down.

Do Betty at the same time.

Oh, be nice.

In a couple of years, she'll have
transformed this place.

Then we can bin her.

What have I got?

Four Aussies waiting at the station.

You're late.

That's part of my charm.

(LAUGHS)

All right, Samson, let's go!

Come on! Out of the way!

Trot on!

Come on, Samson!

Trot on.

Whoa!

Samson, let's have you!

Whoa! Whoa!

I saw you!

I'll find you! You don't frighten
me. You're pathetic!

Smacked himself on
an overhanging branch.

Oak.
How do you know that?

Seven years of training, thank you.

On an overhanging oak branch, then.

Unlikely. Health and Safety don't
allow overhanging branches any more.

Someone hit him with an oak branch,
then.

It's a big branch.

Look at the strike area.

Face to chest.

That's like a whole tree hit him.

Let's trace his steps.

Shall we?

We just cannot afford
to cancel battle day.

We've lost a son.

Surely you can break step
for a few days.

Think of Geoffrey DeQuetteville.

He kept going.
He was trying to save the monarchy.

Not run a panto.

Battle day is our biggest earner.

There's Julian's bet.
Exactly.

If we cancel,
we will lose Long Meadow.

So please, everyone.

You're looking very plain
and pasty today.

Thank you, Izzy.
I knew you'd come through.

And do try to lose some weight.

What have you got?

Marks from a chain or something.

OK.

Someone suspended a big log
up there on chains.

Anchored it to this tree.

Then, when the victim
came down the lane,

cut the rope,
which released the log.

Swung down and smacked him
square in the chest.

But if he was going to the station
down there,

why did he turn up here?

The wheel tracks down
on that last bend

suggest that he was
sliding the carriage.

So he was going at quite a lick.

Was he chasing someone?

Headless?

Diana said he would chase him
if he saw him.

If Julian was pursuing someone,

and that someone led him
to this place...

Where he could get clobbered.

Then whoever he was chasing
must have moved pretty

quick to get into position
to unleash the log.

Right.
Unless...

Unless...

There were two of them.

Right. Yeah, yeah.
Must have been two of them.

Exactly what I was thinking.

It was!

Where have you been?
I was ringing you.

Workshop.

Have you heard the news?

What news?
Julian.

He's dead.

What?

How?

Some sort of accident
in his carriage this morning.

I'll be in in a minute.

Are you all right?

Bit of a shock.

Can you call Sasha, please?
Thank you.

Maybe we could talk
somewhere more private.

These people have come to see us
abut our daily business.

We're the animals in this zoo.

And Betty Boop would kill us
if we disobeyed orders.

I'm not going outside again ever.

OK.

It appears Julian might have been
the victim of foul play.

I knew it! I said it!

He's after us.
Who's that, sir?

Geoffrey, of course.
Don't be so feeble.

This way!

Julian didn't need ghosts
to kill him.

Plenty of real-life volunteers.

A lot of local husbands
for starters.

Really? Julian...

Oh, absolutely. Mad shagger.

His seed rarely fell
on stony ground.

Izzy, please.

And his twin, Toby?

Younger by only ten minutes.

But totally different personality.

Toby gets on with everyone.
Thick as two planks, of course.

But very nice.

So is there anyone
in particular who...

Geoffrey, I told you.
He's after us all.

You're gibbering!

I'm not going out there ever again.

I'm not even going near that window.

LMF!

LMF?

Lacking moral fibre.

The men in this family. Pathetic.

It's only the women who have balls.

Are you OK to answer some questions?

Yes. Whatever happens in this
family, we plough on.

We pause for a moment of grief
or reflection.

Betty, I'll have her
sent to the salt mines.

Was everything OK between you
and your husband?

Sorry, it's a standard enquiry,
I'm afraid.

I need to establish
the relationship.

Julian was a slut.

Uh-huh.

I'm sorry, but in this family,
we don't beat about the bush.

Half the village children look
remarkably like my late husband.

You didn't have any children
together.

I think I might have noticed that.

Yeah.

I don't want you to get the
impression that I didn't like him.

No, of course not.
He was just bad boy.

I'll miss him.
I'm sure, Mrs DeQuetteville.

It would have been
Lady DeQuetteville one day.

Sorry?

Don't tell me you haven't followed
the inheritance line.

Bentham's gone. Now Julian.

So when Ludo dies, it
will be Sir Toby and Lady

Betty lording it about
all over the place.

She'll really have crawled her way
out of the colonies then.

I don't suppose there will be much room
for widow Diana round the inglenook.

Hang on. Jules gave me a hard time,
yeah.

But he was still my brother.

He was my twin brother.

Actually, he did a lot
of good things too.

So where were you this morning, sir?

Oh, I um... have been all over
the place this morning.

I ran some errands.

Um... And I was tinkering around
with this old...

thing.

Of course, you're next in line
to inherit, aren't you?

Has something happened to Daddy?

When Sir Ludovic eventually dies.

Oh, God.

You really had me there.
What did you...

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I suppose I will.

But truth be told, I hate all that
being a sir stuff.

Running this place.

I'm not really very good
at that kind of thing.

A bit... socially... clumsy.

And um...

Nightmare.

I'm sorry. I'm a bit, you know...

Did your brother have
any obvious enemies?

You're joking, aren't you?

Anyone in particular?
Well...

The Fleetwoods. They live just
across the field over there.

Family history feud.

Been going back yonks.

Yonks? Yonks?

Sounds like a cartoon.

What did you get?

His gestures were inward. He touched
his face. He put objects between you.

Does that mean he's lying?

It means he's nervous.

A common occurrence in people being
questioned by the police?

Yes.

That psychology degree of yours
is really useful.

It can also help me to spot
a chippy detective sergeant.

You go and have a chat
with the Fleetwoods.

I'll ask about the horses too.
Good. Keep it moving.

Make sure you stay with the plan,
OK, guys?

Hey, Ben.

How's it going?

It's good.

The blue flags are where
the Royalists are halted.

And the red flags mark the advance
path of the Roundheads.

Of course, it isn't really Naseby.

But it will be a sort of generic
Civil War battle.

Did they bully you into doing this?

No.

It's getting the school and the
community pulling together.

A bonding exercise.

So you've never attended
one of these before?

No.

Boss knows what you're doing,
does he?

I am an autonomous unit, Ben.

I don't have to check in with my
spouse every time I take a breath.

Yes, he knows.

Good luck with the local...

Locals.

Thanks.

Obsessive compulsive. At least
it keeps him calm for a while.

The accident to his mother.

What happened?

No-one's sure.

Simon and Angela went for a ride
along Badger's Ridge.

A few hours later, Simon returns,
leading his mother's horse

with her body slung across the
saddle, just like a Western.

A grey horse?

Yeah. It was sold
after the accident.

There were no reported ghosts at
Quitewell until about six years ago.

Really?

You took over as estate manager
six years ago.

Your point being?

Did you invent the headless horseman,
Betty?

You're wasted here.

There were stories about the Dark Rider,
as he was known, from the Twenties.

Housemaid stuff.

So when I found the headless Geoffrey
portrait, I revived the story.

Freshened it up a bit.

Supplemented the spook inventory with a
lady who walks on the lake at full moon,

and the skeleton found in the walls
of the cellar.

To what end?
Make money.

Mystery murder weekends.

Spooks, ghostly tales,
dark spooky things.

It's all essential.

So to add a little credence
to your ghosts,

you set up the sighting
of the headless horseman.

No, no, I did not!

There haven't been
any sightings.

It's just this daft family
jumping on their own bandwagon.

But your husband said
he saw the headless

rider the night
that Bentham died.

Toby is a DeQuetteville.

Suggestible.

Why did you marry him?

Offensive question.

Often asked.

Toby may not be the sharpest tool
in the box,

but he loves me.

Unconditionally.

Like a Labrador.

And that is enough for me right now,
thank you very much.

(CLATTERING)

Simon, what is it?

Did you see anything?
No. Neither did he.

Waterloo. Cannae.

Naseby?

Yes.

Yes. Are you a battles man?

No, sir.
But I've heard how the Fleetwoods

beat the DeQuettevilles
at Naseby.

And... you're still a bit upset
with each other.

How would you like to live
next to that funfair?

It's absolute hell.

I'm hypersensitive.

My skin reacts to stress.

How extreme are these arguments
with your neighbours?

Only verbal. I'm not a violent man.

All I want is peace and quiet.

Do you keep a grey horse?

No.

Yesterday morning, at the time of
Julian's death, you were...

Here. Figuring out how
much the Brazilian

floods would up my
coffee futures.

Right.

It's not a moral position.

All this is just applied mathematics.

It will run its course
whether I'm involved or not.

Anyone with you when you were
applying your mathematics?

Sasha was in and out.

Cleaning woman.

I don't know. I wasn't setting up
an alibi, was I?

No, we don't have a grey.

Do you know anyone who has?

Next door used to have one.

I didn't see it.

Out here.

Look, they probably sold it.

It was Angela's.

She was riding it when she was
thrown five years ago.

Were you out riding yesterday?
Along the Ridge.

Any witnesses?

I met up with Amanda Harding.

From the livery stable?
Yes.

Friends, are you, with Amanda?

Yes. We go back a long way.

Who do you think might have wanted
to kill Julian?

Take your pick. He was an arrogant
man that preyed on women.

God knows what they saw in him.

He won't be missed.

His wife misses him.
Phh!

Believe me, Diana will soon be out
there scouring the waterfront.

In fact, if I were a landed gent
round here,

right now I'd be pulling
up my drawbridge

and filling my moat
with alligators.

That's a bit strong.

Women know women.

Damn and blast.

(NEIGHING)

Morning.
Diana!

May I?

Please.

What are you doing?

Wars of the Roses.

I'm...

sorry about Julian.

I'm sure you were devastated.

We had our differences but I...

Do you want to win the battle?

I thought, with Julian's death,
it would be cancelled.

And you'd win by default.

Betty wouldn't allow that.

So...

What?

I could bring you a lot more
than Long Meadow.

I don't understand.

What if you owned both estates?

And how would I achieve that?
The usual way.

Marriage.

To the right... person.

He was there. I was inside.

And he was pointing at me.

A bit churned up here, sir.

You see? You see?!

It's the ghost of Geoffrey.
I'm a goner!

Sir Ludovic, if his horse was real,

there's a good chance
the rider was real too.

No, no, it's Geoffrey.
And he's coming for me!

Today, sir, with the battle on,
you go inside.

I will. I will.

I'm not going anywhere.

No fear.

Oh, boy.

Any spare uniforms on the doors.

And keep digging on Betty.

She's not real family but she seems
to be the only one with brains.

And let's find this damn grey horse.

TANNOY: Hello, ladies
and gentlemen.

Welcome to the annual
Quitewell battle day.

(WHISTLING)
Ow!

Andy!

Can you fix that?

How's it going?
Great.

Great. Chronic.

So you're going to be here, are you?

In open view.

Yep.

You know there's a murderer about.
I had heard.

So I was wondering whether...

What?

How can I put this?
Carefully, if I were you.

I have a major job on.
I have to find this person.

It's bad enough that the place
is crawling with visitors,

without having my wife here as well.
Just stop.

I mean, really!

What do you think I'm going to do?

Get on the PA and say,
'Sorry, there's a baddie

about so I'm off home.
You just carry on.'

Why did you even bother?

God knows.

Thank you for trying.

(WHISTLING)
Andy!

Sir.
What have you found on Betty?

Interesting snippets.

She used to work for the Norfolk
branch of the DeQuettevilles.

Managing the estate up there.

Why did she move here?

Something to do with
a Rupert DeQuetteville.

Funny business?
Probably not too funny.

He died. He was 81.

Of natural causes?

No, he fell off a horse.

There's a surprise.

Have you found this grey yet?
No.

It's not with either family
so I'm checking around the area.

Keep me posted.

Hi, Jonesy.
Hey, Amanda.

What brings you here?

I'm looking for a horse.

Their day off.

Aren't they the cavalry
for the DeQ's?

Not this year.
Why not?

Julian never paid me for last year.

Oh. Do you have a grey?

No.

Who has round here?

Don't know.

I could ask.
Yeah, thanks.

How close are you
to Sasha Fleetwood?

What kind of question is that?

It's a murder enquiry.
I have to ask personal stuff.

Connections, motives.

Sasha and I were at uni together.

Good friends.

No...

Um...

Don't even go there.
It's totally irrelevant.

We were two smart girls
with similar ambitions.

Which were?

To use our brains
to get us a good life.

Sasha's got there whilst I'm still up
to my eyebrows in debt and horse dung.

Any other connection
with the DeQuettevilles?

Julian.

Did he pass your way?

How likely is that?

(CHEERING)

Are you coming to the battle?

No. The fuzz want me to stay here.

Geoffrey.

I said no drinking
before we've won the day.

And we'll not fail!

You few. You happy few!

You band of brothers!

Cry God for Harry!

England and St George!

(CHEERING)

Charles I not Henry V!

I know that.

(CHEERING)

Total travesty.

I'll see you later.

♪ TRUMPET FANFARE

(CHANTING)

Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to the Quitewell battle day.

As I'm sure you all know,

there were no actual Civil War
battles in Midsomer.

So what we're doing today is
re-enacting some of the battle tactics

employed by the opposing armies

at the Battle of Naseby.

The Cavaliers are mustered
at the north end of the meadow.

While the Roundheads
are at the south end.

The object of the exercise

is for each to capture
the other's battle standard.

We at Causton Historical Society

have instructed the commanders to
follow our historically-based plans

and make the afternoon
a learning experience...

Fire!

No! No!

No, not yet!

Strike now!

The Roundheads aren't ready!

Present arms!

What about the cavalry?

Amanda says all the horses are sick.

She and Sasha
are as thick as thieves.

Toby, wake up! We need to win this!

Hey, capture the colours!

Up the Roundheads!

Charge your pike!

(CHEERING)

Go the Cavaliers!

Death to the Roundheads!

The Fleetwood foot to the right.

The right.

Not my right, your right!

That's wrong!

Keep to your flagged areas.

(KNOCKING)

Oh, it's you!

You frightened the life out of me!

Hang on. I'll let you in.

As you can see, the 12-foot pikes
are topped by metal points.

And have a small leather
band round them to

stop blood running down
onto the user's hands.

Where did you go, then?

(SCRAPING)

I don't believe this!

It looks like the Cavaliers have
captured the Parliamentarians' colours.

Which is not how it happened!

Oh, yes, it is!
No, it isn't!

So if you Cavaliers would mind sticking
to the plan and just back off,

I would be very grateful!

What's this? Who the hell are they?

Who are you?

Betty?

There seems to have been a serious
reversal of fortune here.

Obviously some foreign
mercenaries have

been brought in from
somewhere by someone.

Not that I would know
or any historian would know.

Or anyone would even care.

(WHISTLING)

You had to watch one elderly man.

I want full reports by 10AM!

Cheers.

He wouldn't have known
what had hit him.

Actually, he may have done.

It hit him full in the
face, so presumably,

he was looking up at the time.

So why didn't he get out of the way?

What sort of effort would it take
to dislodge a gargoyle?

It depends how secure it was
in the first place.

If you wanted to know
whether it was a big

strong man or a delicate
little lady, it...

Depends how secure it was
in the first place. Thank you.

Poor Daddy.

I loved him so much.

We had our moments
but I loved him so, so much.

I'm sorry to put you through this.
We understand.

Excuse me.

Anything?

We looked at dozens
of video phone cameras.

They're pointing at the main entrance.
The family's nowhere to be seen.

The Fleetwoods? Get their statements.

Simon, shall we have a little chat?

Simon. Go with the man here.

That was quite a stunt.

Your own army.

Necessary.

So you won Long Meadow.

I guess so.
Darling, a man has died.

I'm not sure -
See what the lawyers have to say.

Sasha!

So where were you both?

I came inside.

Not interested
in all that stupid nonsense.

Even with such a potentially
important outcome?

Someone would have told me
the result eventually.

I was getting my troops in order.

It's not my damn fault if the
DeQuettevilles start killing each other.

We won.

Do you understand sociopathology?

The roots of empathy?

In relation to?
Women.

They can be very singular
in their wants.

Don't ever want to get in their way.

Simon, I'm just a policeman,

but in my line of work I tend
to come into people's lives

when they are at their most
vulnerable and confused.

Sort of where you are now.

So I want to help you
as much as I can.

But mainly, I need to apprehend
a murderer.

I don't know what you know.

I don't know what's in your head.

I don't know what you've done.

Have you done something
I should know about, Simon?

Maybe it was an accident.

Maybe he went out for a breather...

And a gargoyle that has lived
on the roof for 500 years

suddenly decides this is a good
moment to come crashing down?

Probably not an accident, then.

I think someone he knew and trusted
called him outside.

Then rushed up to the roof and dumped
the gargoyle on his head. Fast.

Or, Jones...

He got his accomplice
to do the gargoyle bit.

And we're back to the pairing theory.

So who are the pairs?

Betty and Toby.

Toby's useless.

But Betty isn't.

Harry and Sasha.

Both motives aplenty.

Diana and...

Diana.

We need to find two people who were
missing from the battle area.

I'll keep checking videos
for the event.

And I will go home and sleep on it.

In the morning, wake to find
that my finely-tuned brain

has solved it all and written up
all the reports.

Easy for some.

So we've lost Long Meadow as well.

No. Harry just phoned.

Says he won't be calling in
the debt.

I bet that thrilled Sasha.

Obviously stood up for himself
at last.

He's a decent man.

He's not. Not at all.

He's pathetic.

Diana.

Try not to be such
a despicable tart.

I beg your pardon?

My son was barely cold before you were
over the wall like an alley cat on heat.

I beg your pardon.

For goodness sake. Why do we imagine our
domestic staff are all blind and deaf?

They aren't.

They have big ears.
And bigger mouths.

It's all over the village.

I was trying to save Long Meadow.

You were trying to
save yourself from the

penury that is about
to consume you.

And serve you right.

Don't push me, Izzy.

I know the big secret
in this family.

Which one?

You know damn well which one.

Don't you worry.

We're the king's men.

We'll show them.

Total maniacs!

They didn't want an organiser.

They just wanted to set me up
and humiliate me.

All of my staff know
what a farce it turned into.

But was it not a much more
historically accurate farce?

Do you want to die right now?
No, I'm serious.

You were visibly in charge.

A figurehead in the community.
As intended.

Your historical will prevailed.
You won.

They will see that.

You reckon?
Sure.

So long as you get your story
in first.

What are you looking for?

The way into Simon's head.

Being struck dumb
through shock or trauma

for more than a short
period of time

is statistically very unlikely.

He hasn't said a word for five years.

So?

So is he avoiding facing reality or is
he playing us for a bunch of plonkers?

You're the psychologist.

Mm, but I'm not a psychiatrist.

He's already seen two of those.

They didn't get anywhere.

They both used the term idiopathic.

Which means -
They haven't got a clue.

Exactly.

Good old Long Meadow.

Still with us after all these years.

When we were younger,
on summer nights...

Daddy would let Julian and me
camp out here.

All right for some.

We'd count the stars
until we fell asleep.

You do like it here,
don't you, Betty?

Not so brilliant today.

Not today. Obviously not today.
But...

Otherwise, you do like it?

You wouldn't leave us? You wouldn't
move on again, would you?

I'm...

Toby?

Toby?

What?

(MUMBLES)
Toby?

What?

Toby!

It was Geoffrey!

He was pointing at me!

Geoffrey!

He's going to kill me, isn't he?

Thank you.

He's going to kill me next.

I would like you to stay
in this room only.

Eat here, sleep here.

We'll have an officer outside the
door and another outside the window.

Is that really necessary?

Mummy!

Come on, Toby.
Pull yourself together.

Try to be a man.

Just this once.

What was all that man stuff about?

It might have been another quite
interesting little piece.

Of what?
I'm not sure yet.

I could be wrong.
Surely not.

Let's be proactive.
Let's poke the hornet's nest.

I'll irritate this lot. You go to the
Fleetwoods and ask awkward questions.

About what?
Horses. Keep after the grey horse.

It's got to be somewhere.
Sir.

Lady Isabel, what did you mean by
saying Toby should be a man for once?

You seemed to be making
some sort of comment there.

Stating the obvious.

Toby is a big drip.

Wet as a flannel.

As opposed to Julian.

Julian was an awful man.

But yes, he was a man.

You're being somewhat elliptical.

Only if you're a bit dim.

You certainly look dim. But
I've heard you're quite sharp.

Now please excuse me.

I have to arrange these
flowers for my husband.

Whom you so successfully failed
to protect.

There will be a full inquiry.

That should perk him up.

What do you want now?

I was wondering how things went
with Harry next door.

Yes, yes, I know.
All over the village.

Don't you start.

Any particular reason
for your... generosity?

Inspector,

a woman's sexuality is
a gradually diminishing asset.

I was giving mine one last shot

at getting me a bit of security
for my more... interesting years.

Didn't work.

Harry is besotted with that ghastly
wife of his.

And your offer of Quitewell Hall
itself?

How could you engineer that?

When your husband died, you were
out of the line of succession.

You didn't have any children.

No.

I didn't.

Thank you.

Everything OK?
Yes, sir.

No-one in or out.

Keep me posted.

(POLICE RADIO)

Got it. Thanks.

(PHONE)

Hello.

Oh, hello, you. What's up?

Get out of there!

And you definitely
don't have a grey.

No.

Are you a good rider, sir?

OK. Not as good as Sash
and her chums.

Chums?
The girls.

Sophie, Jenny, Amanda.

Amanda Harding?

Mm. Sometimes.

Close, are they?

Used to be. Amanda's been a bit more
distant in the last few years.

Why is that?

She...

harboured a strong affection for
someone who eventually decided

they didn't want to jump
that particular fence.

Amanda's got a grey.

I think. She used to have anyway.

Thank you, sir.

Lost something?
You lied to me.

No, I didn't.
You said you don't have a grey.

I don't.
Did you have one?

I want to see your books. Right now.

(MOTORBIKE)

Whoa! Whoa!

What are you doing here?

Heading for the mill.
The grey's up there.

All roads leading to Badger's Mill!

A man on a motorcycle, dressed
in black, carrying a shotgun.

All cars!

Eye holes.
But no current occupant.

(RATTLING)

Well, there's not a surprise.

Care to tell us what you were
doing here, Mrs Fleetwood?

Harry and I were thinking
of buying the place.

I was just checking it out.

Really?
Yeah.

And this headless horseman gear
was just lying there?

Yes.

And a bloke just happened to come by
and fire a shotgun through the door

at what he presumably thought
was the headless horseman.

Looks like it.

While the whole thing
was being filmed.

Sasha Fleetwood, I am arresting you
in connection with the murders

of Julian DeQuetteville and
Sir Ludovic DeQuetteville.

No, no. I am not the murderer.

Really?
Yeah.

Then maybe if you are so innocent,

you should tell us what you were
really doing here,

why you were filming the proceedings,

and who the gun-happy gent
on the bike was.

OK?

Simon DeQuetteville.

Yes, meet us at Quitewell Hall.

This still doesn't show who it is.

I didn't reckon on the helmet.

OK, from the top.
Why the headless nonsense?

Originally, I just set out
to freak old Ludo.

Make him terrified of the supposed
ghost and sell us the whole place.

They were driving poor Harry insane.

He couldn't work.

So your major asset was in danger.
My husband!

And Harry was a party to all of this?

No!

I helped him make his
models before, so it

wasn't too difficult
to create the torso.

Then I went riding by Quitewell
trying to spook everyone.

You certainly managed with Bentham.

That's when it all went wrong.

I was really shocked.

I didn't want anyone hurt.

But you kept doing it.

No, I stopped immediately.

Then started again.
I was given no choice.

I was being blackmailed.

When Julian was killed,
I was an accessory to murder.

(SIREN)

Gardens, outbuildings!

He's 21, dark hair!

What is going on?

Simon! Where's Simon?

He went to his room early.
He likes to watch telly up there.

Go left!

Which is his room?
Just ahead.

He always locks his door.
He's terrified of the dark.

Simon! Simon, are you in there?

No sign.

Dark.
God, not in there!

Stay back! Simon!

Give me that. Call an ambulance.

I'll do it. I'll... do it.

Simon?

I'm going to cut through these ties.

This might be a bit of a shock
just for a second.

Simon, are you OK?

Hey!
Jones!

Jones, back off!

Simon, Simon.

Listen to me.

I am on your side.

I am your friend.

No-one is going to hurt you.

It's all right.

We know the truth. You and me.

Trust me, Simon.

Can you do that? Can you trust me?

As your friend.

Medics.

So who put you in there?

Any idea?

Medics are on their way, sir.

Mr Toby here was going to help them.
I was just opening the gate.

Smart thinking.

Thank you.

And how are you today
after yesterday's shock?

Yeah, I'm fine, thank you.

And how are you, Betty?

I -
She's fine. Everyone's fine.

Just get on with it.
Lady Isabel,

would you mind sitting down
and shutting up just for once?

So you're still feeling a bit upset,
are you, Betty?

Obviously. Who wouldn't be?

Just as well you have Toby.

Yes.

And Toby, you have Betty.

Best thing that ever happened to me.

At last, someone who would
accept you for what you were.

She...

She never said I was silly
or anything.

Diana, stay.

The headless horseman ghost story.

You never did believe it, did you,
Toby?

Yeah, I did actually.

No, I don't think so.

You knew that ghosts don't ride
around on recognisable horses.

And you knew where that grey
came from, didn't you?

Amanda Harding's livery.

So it was very easy for you to find
out who she'd sold it to.

Sasha Fleetwood, wasn't it?

I didn't know.

We have Sasha safely in our custody.

Unharmed.

Right.

You made a deal with Sasha,
didn't you?

When she dropped you off here
the other day.

The thing is, Sash,
I know you're the headless horseman.

And you are going to be in
a lot of trouble.

Unless you do exactly as I say
and only when I tell you.

And then you threatened to expose
her as the cause of Bentham's death.

This is crazy. I wouldn't do that.

Why would I do that?

Because you wanted
something which entailed a

considerable culling of
your family members.

I saw you!

I'll find you!

Toby?
It's nonsense, Betty.

It's total nonsense.

But you still had a way to go.

Your father.

(KNOCKING)

Oh, it's you! You frightened
the life out of me!

Hang on, I'll let you in.

So you enticed your father
out of the house.

While you raced up to the roof and
dislodged one of the old gargoyles.

Me?

This chap's mad. I mean...

I saw the rider.

He pointed at me.
Pointed directly at me!

Yes. Sasha realised that she was now
under serious threat.

So she deliberately made a final
appearance

to provoke you into going after her.

Called you when you were in here.

Right?

We must meet. Come to Badger's Mill.

I think you're forgetting
that I was in here.

I was in here. I was surrounded
by all your blokes.

I was under lock and key.

So, you know... I mean...

Toby, every priest's hole
has two exits.

I knew that you could get out
and I could follow you.

But it was very clever of you to go
next door and take Harry's bike.

I didn't think of that.

Betty, you can't believe a word
this man says. It's like a fantasy.

At the mill, Sasha filmed you
trying to shoot her.

This was to be her insurance.

They were so mean to me.

When I was younger,
Julian and Daddy.

So mean. Julian...

And Daddy let him, so...

And Julian even slept
with your first wife.

Toby!

I was never very good at the
fathering thing, was I?

So Julian said he'd sort it.
Angela didn't know.

God!

As Julian's son, Simon was the
rightful heir to Quitewell.

So you had to put him on ice.

What would keep Simon in a permanent
state of trauma?

Being locked in the dark, being
trapped in the priest's hole.

With Geoffrey.

Oh, God!

And what was it all for, Toby?

Why?

Yes, it was for Betty.

The only person who had ever
shown you any respect,

any tenderness.

You were terrified
that she would leave you.

So you felt that you had to give her
everything possible to make her stay.

You had to make her Lady Elizabeth
DeQuetteville of Quitewell Hall

and she would stay forever.

Ah, Toby.

You did it all for love.

I wasn't leaving.

I married you.

You won't leave us, will you?

Will you?

Mummy?

Um...

Um...

I...

I...

I...
Simon.

I think I missed a few points there.

Could you go through it again,
please?

There's a report just came in.
Oh, yes?

Three people claimed they saw the
headless horseman in the last half hour.

What's that about?

That is a sense of community, Jones.

One goes mad, they all go mad.

It's a wonderful little world
out here.