Miami Vice (1984–1989): Season 1, Episode 18 - Made for Each Other - full transcript
Switek and Zito use two of their favorite informants to set up a transaction with a stolen goods dealer.
♪♪
♪ The best things in life are free ♪
♪ But you can give them
to the birds and bees ♪
♪ I need money ♪
♪ That's what I want ♪
♪ That's what I want ♪
♪ That's what I want ♪
♪ That's what I wa-a-a-ant ♪
♪ That's what I want ♪
♪ That's what I want ♪
♪ That's what I want ♪
♪ Your love give me such a thrill ♪
Fresh ink makes me sneeze.
♪ But your love don't pay my bills ♪
♪ I need money ♪
♪ That's what I want ♪
This stuff is da kine, man.
♪ That's what I want ♪
♪ That's what I wa-a-a-ant ♪
♪ That's what I want ♪
You could pay off the F. B. I. with this,
and they'd never know.
We just sell it by weight.
It takes too long to count it.
Who cares?
The plates are excellent,
but the paper...
Unbelievable composition.
Spectroscopy, my friend.
- Spec what?
Molecular analyzation of matter
through laser light.
Read a book sometime.
♪ Money don't get everything
it's true ♪
♪ But what it don't get, I can't use ♪
♪ I need money ♪
♪ That's what I want ♪
♪ That's what I want♪♪
I just can't believe you're
letting Darlene move in so fast.
I'm not letting Darlene do anything.
Watch it here.
I'm not letting her do anything.
I want her to.
Oh, sure. Like the fish wants
to be hooked by the fisherman?
You know, I was hoping in my heart
that this wouldn't affect our friendship,
but I can see you're not big enough
to get over the fact that she dumped you.
Dumped me?
Is that what she told you?
There's the signal.
Hit him!
You okay, old man?
Yeah! Let's go!
We got heat!
Miami Vice!
The building is surrounded!
What's going on? I thought you said this place was safe.
- What the hell? Gasoline!
Gasoline! Artie! Artie!
- Artie, don't, man. Don't do it, man.
- Hey, Artie!
- Artie.
- Artie!
They're cops!
Carlos!
You got nothin' on me, sucker!
You got ashes!
- Hold this, Stan.
- Larry, you can't go in there!
Hey, Larry!
Larry! Lar! Larry!
Larry!
Ashes, huh? Ashes!
You all right, Larry?
Larry, are you all right?
I just burned my fingertips.
Oh, man!
What about the money? Leave it
for somebody else. Come on, man!
♪♪
What do you got there?
A souvenir.
One of Artie's masterpieces.
I'm gonna frame it for a memento.
I wouldn't. Bogus bill's bad
luck. Don't you know that?
Stan, I believe things
are either in whack or outta whack.
Right now my life's in whack.
You moved in with Darlene.
Your life's about to get out of whack.
Hey, what's that?
It's a fire. Wow.
One of my neighbors, I guess.
Huh. What's up, Chief?
Gas main exploded.
Do you know a Mr. Lawrence Zito?
My house!
Look, Mr. Zito, I'm sorry.
My house! My motorcycle.
Harry!
Gas fire... the worst.
I'm sorry, but this is all
we were able to save.
What is it? Mailbox.
What is it?
It's your gas bill.
♪♪
♪ When I walk through that door ♪
♪ Baby, be polite ♪
♪ You're gonna make me sore ♪
♪ If you don't greet me right ♪
♪ Don't you ever kiss me once ♪
♪ Kiss me twice ♪
♪ Treat me nice ♪ Looks like
Darlene can't find room for all her stuff.
This isn't Darlene's stuff.
It's my stuff.
♪♪
♪♪
Darlene!
In the bedroom!
Oh, he's gonna love this!
Oh, Stan.
Hmm?
Don't touch the hair.
Sorry.
Stan, honey bunch, I made a few
minor decorating decisions.
I hope you don't mind.
Oh, and we're gonna have to
hang your clothes in the garage.
What garage?
Larry.
- Darlene.
Well.
I wasn't expecting guests
for dinner.
Larry's house blew up.
Gas main leak.
He lost everything, Darlene.
Harry too.
That stupid fish?
Uh, I told Larry he could stay
with us for a couple of days.
Larry,
could you give us
a couple of minutes?
He can't stay here.
Why not? He's my friend!
I don't even know why you
brought him in. He's gotta stay here.
This is my first night, and I'm not even
unpacked! So what do you want me to do with him?
He's got nowhere else to go
but here! He's my friend!
Don't you even care about me? I
guess I'll park myself on Mr. Sofa.
♪ If you really want my lovin'' ♪
♪ Treat me nice♪♪
Don't you even love me?
What about me?
Here. One of the meatheads
left this in the men's room.
Aw, you shouldn't have.
We didn't.
It's for Zito. Well, if it's a house,
he's gonna be a little cramped.
I told you. You can use some of my
clothes. I'll go to a thrift shop at lunch.
Here.
What's this?
We sort of chipped in
'cause we love you. What is it?
Open it. Go. It's an
inflatable house. Come on.
How was your warehouse sting?
Nada.
We've been hearing that John
C. Costelada's back in town.
Everybody's afraid
to bite the hook.
I vaguely remember.
Fill me in.
Up until a couple of years ago, Costelada was the
master fence of stolen goods in South Florida.
I'm talking by the shipload.
- I heard he ran into some trouble in Mexico.
- He bought his way out.
He's slick as they come.
He works strictly as a broker,
so he doesn't get dirty.
We have to catch him literally taking
possession of goods he knows are stolen.
It's not gonna be an easy job.
The only way to do that
is to flip one of his retailers.
Switek and I worked him
a year ago and got zip.
- Why don't you get back on him?
- Okay.
- That's really nice.
- You like it?
- It's like a new start or something.
- It's a girl.
Harriet.
After the job we did on that counterfeiting
ring, we had a couple of slack days coming.
That was until somebody
opened his stupid mouth.
"Ah, me and Switek,
we got plenty on Costelada!"
What's the big deal? Let me try to
explain it in terms you might understand.
A new girlfriend
is like a new goldfish.
You gotta spend time with them so they
get accustomed to the bowl. You know?
I know fish move around
in the dark.
You see? That's what I don't
understand. These constant attacks.
Why don't you just face it?
She wasn't into you.
Ooh! That stings, Stan.
Miss Hair Spray 1985
was the one that got away.
I think Darlene's hair
looks great! It oughta.
People spend less time
raising their children.
For one week, and one week only,
at all Bonzo Barry stores...
Right here, right now, the right
equipment at the right price,
because Bonzo Barry has harpooned
the high cost of quality stereo.
Sorry.
I've scoured the audio and video arctic
and brought back these bargains...
at prices frozen so low you'll have to
buy them, because Bonzo Barry always...
Seals the deal!
Why should he be clapping? Because
I'll beat any deal in the Miami area.
So come on down to any one of our five... that's
right, count them... five Bonzo Barry high-tech stores.
For your stereo needs, for your video needs,
for your stereo-video needs, come on down.
Isn't that the girl we busted for
soliciting about a year ago? Don't look.
I don't know. No.
That's her, isn't it?
No.
You sure?
Right here, right now,
the right equipment.
- Definitely no.
You're positive?
I'd stake my life on it.
And remember, all Bonzo Barry
components and equipment...
are fully backed
by our very own "seal" of approval!
Okay. That's enough. We'll
splice it together. Whatever.
Excuse me.
We talked on the phone.
We're the, uh...
Discount suppliers.
Yeah, well, like I told you,
I got my own discount suppliers.
Yeah, but, uh, not like us.
We can really pull our weight.
Top of the line.
Sony, Nakamichi,
Luxman, Macintosh.
State of the art,
all factory sealed.
Eighty percent discount.
All right,
let's go back to my office,
and you can convince me.
Barry? Barry.
Not now, honey. I'm talking
some business. Police business?
What do you mean,
police business?
Well, when you're talking
with two cops,
you're usually talking
police business.
I took a bust
from these two guys!
Get out of here.
It was her.
Damn! Everything would have
worked out perfectly if she wasn't there.
It's just... Your bad luck?
Which is beginning
to get contagious.
Our best lead on Costelada
blown in 15 seconds.
What do I tell Castillo?
"We blew it, Lieutenant,
because I'm teamed up with an albatross."
There's gotta be a better way.
Anybody that's into hot properties
is gonna know about Costelada.
And who do we know
who's into hot property?
Come on, baby!
Crash and burn for the Noogman!
Rat-tat-tat-tat! Rat-tat-tat!
Come on, baby! Rat-tat-tat-tat!
Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat!
Ooh!
Damn! Five-O!
The Noogman, fearless,
faster flyin' fool! Bailin' out, Jack!
Welcome to the Noogman's
last night of single-tude, Jack!
What'd he say?
- The Noogman is getting married
on the morrow, Jack!
Flyin' the friendly skies!
Flyin' united.
Who's the unlucky lady?
Ample Annie, the mean machine.
What's up, mama?
Hardworkin' gal.
I like that.
No wonder I'm not married.
All the good women are spoken for.
So, Noog, how's the fencing business?
You got the wrong brother, Jackson.
The Noogman is one re-ha-bili-tated dude,
you understand?
Strictly "legizit."
R-E-S-P-C-P!
If 'n ever you spell it,
that's what I want.
Well, good. Then you won't mind
us taking a trip back to your place...
and check out the serial numbers
on your shower gifts.
Yeah, I've heard this rap
before, fellas.
Just run it down
and let the Noogie boogie, please?
A mover named Costelada.
John Costelada?
Man, that's one heavy dude!
Find him.
- How am I gonna find him? That's impossible. What, is you drunk?
Find him.
Hello!
Shut up!
Who's there?
Shut up!
Hi, Iz.
Switek. Zito.
¿Qué pasó, eh?
Hey, typical
establishment neglect, eh?
I offered to help these winged refugees
with their foreign language requirements.
You know, so they can get
their migration card.
And management...
Blind to the needs of
the working bird educator,
forget to leave me a key.
We already gave him
his English lesson, Iz,
in legalese.
- You have the right to remain silent!
- You have the right to remain silent!
You belong in a cage.
Not me, man. I'm no criminal.
I mean, I never been convicted.
I have a few indictments, man, but...
I'm a man of no convictions.
So, uh,
what do you want me to do?
We want you to set up Costelada.
I got 4,000 Pirelli P225s
coming out of Canada tomorrow.
I can have 'em to you by Friday.
Uh, 50, 45 and 40.
Get back to me.
Benny, what the hell's happening
with those power tools?
Johnny C., you'll laugh
when you hear where I got 'em.
I don't wanna hear where you got 'em. I
don't wanna see 'em. I don't wanna touch 'em.
All I wanna do is move 'em.
I got a guy in Pittsburgh's
calling me about 'em tomorrow.
- Zoom, zoom.
I'll get back to you. What?
- I have Mr. Rudman on line two.
Here's his file.
Jesus.
Rudman.
This is Costelada.
Mr. C., I couldn't accept
the merchandise.
They canceled the convention
at the last minute.
I hope you understand
it wasn't my fault.
Look, what I understand is, you made
a deal for 150 compact disc players...
that haven't been paid for yet.
I know. But I can't pay you
unless my customers pay me.
What I was thinking... When they
reschedule the convention, I can...
Let me tell you
what I'm thinking.
I think you got a house on 19 Parkwood
Lane with a standard alarm system.
I think your wife drives a black
touring Eldorado, license DJC 521.
I think your son's in the third grade
at Houston Central Elementary School.
Now, I want my money!
You got 48 hours!
Now you know what I'm thinking,
think about it.
I think I'm gonna
sit in the sun for a while.
I cannot relax with him
coming in and out of here.
He's going to sleep now.
Trust me.
Oh, remember, Stanley,
don't touch the hair.
Right.
♪♪
Listen to me, Stanley.
You have a great future ahead
of you. Immediate future, I hope.
No, I'm dead serious.
Zito's holding you back.
He's holding you back
from more important things.
I mean, there's no reason
you couldn't be Lieutenant Switek...
or Captain Switek...
or Chief of Police Switek.
You really think so?
Oh, absolutely.
I saw it the first moment
I laid eyes on you.
You mean, when you were
at the car wash with Larry?
And you know what happens
to police chiefs, don't ya?
Don't ya, Mayor Switek?
Larry, what are you doin'?
TV.
- T...
♪ Baby, that's my philosophy ♪
Ooh! The king!
♪ Yes, it is, now ♪
The king?
♪ It's called rubberneckin', baby ♪
♪ But that's all right with me ♪
- Hey, turn this up.
♪ Stop, look and listen, baby ♪
Come on, baby. Turn it up.
Oh, mama.
♪ Yes, it is, now ♪
How do you do that?
♪ It's called rubberneckin', baby ♪
Mama. Mmm!
How do you do that?
♪ Some people say
I'm wastin' time ♪
Oh, Mr. Mayor!
♪♪
Well, my voters call.
♪ It gives me such a glow ♪
Good night, Larry!
Good night, King.
♪ First thing in the mornin' ♪
♪ Last thing at night ♪
♪♪ This session of the city council...
will now come to order.
Ohh!
Mmm, little bitty, tiny fingers!
Oh, Stanley!
I'm just gonna be a second!
Honey? Please?
All right.
As mayor, I order you.
You ain't the mayor yet.
Almost ready, pumpkin.
♪♪ Here ya go!
Soft, just the way you like 'em.
Ohh!
I just lost my appetite.
Stan, you got any café cubano?
Don't tell me you're fine! What
the hell are you guys doin' here?
This morning I am doing
my official duty as a lawman.
I get to this loco harebrain,
and he tells me he's in charge of my case?
Your case? No,
the Noogman does not work in the shadow.
Man, who's the Captain Kirk
of this Enterprise?
The Noogman flies alone,
you dig?
Especially not with this
no-good jive Cubano echo brain!
I got a rep.
You dissin' me, man!
Am I working for him
or is he working for me, man?
You got to have organization
in a business this big.
You got your Ronald Reagan, you got your
Lee lacocca, you got your Geraldo Rivera,
and that's how you stay on top.
That's how you get the job done...
Organization, eh?
Baby, is your hair always
this pretty early in the morning?
Don't you sleep on it
at night, baby?
Don't... touch... my... hair!
Well, excuse me, baby.
Thanks a lot, Stanley!
Hey, it's time
for the Beaver, man.
Do you ever watch this? This
Eddie Haskell is really... Turn it down!
No, no, no! Wait, wait.
I seen this one before.
This is where Ward
comes down hard on the Beaver.
Well, we have a sizable
amount of loot.
What's up on Costelada?
I had to get on the Noog-line...
- I almost got killed. You know?
In other words,
you guys got squat!
Hey, Costelada's main man is this
funny little dude named Bonzo Barry.
He's got this very short show on TV.
But everybody know about that,
home! Well, we tried him.
Right.
He didn't like our approach.
Maybe you come on too strong.
What you need is a new concept.
Yes, yes.
A solid marketing approach.
Comfort, style, luxury,
and at prices you can afford.
No C. O. D. 's.
Wally, we can keep it
in the bathtub.
Well, okay, let's send for it,
but an eight-foot alligator...
You guys think this is enough stuff
to trade up to Costelada?
Frankly, no,
but we can lie a lot.
Every one of these babies represents 2,000
back at the old warehouse, right, guys?
I used to work these location
operations. You guys need any backup?
No!
I sure hope this works.
Think... positive!
Yo, man, this is supposed to be a
police operation, not a sequel to Roots.
I feel like we're doing
a remake of The Defiant Ones.
Sorry about this, guys, but it's a real pain nailing
all that surveillance equipment to the floor.
All right.
Now, we'll follow you.
Yo, how many VCR's
we got in there, Jackson?
Don't worry about that.
Just stick to the plan.
Try not to sweat too much. We put a
hundred-dollar deposit on those clothes.
Hundred dollars? How am I supposed to
come off as a businessman when you're...
cramping my style with this low
racket bracket jacket, Jackson?
Don't you ever watch
the Wall Street Weekly?
I feel totally confident.
An order like this...30 pieces...
Is really a waste of time for me.
Since you brought it over,
I'm gonna do you a favor. Do me a favor?
Who you think
you talking to, Jack?
With the numbers I'm getting, this is
just a door prize! You tell him, Noogman.
Listen, we're very
upwardly "nubile."
We was gonna turn you on to a deal
for 2,000 proton monitors.
That's right, but now I think
we'll just leave this here with you...
as a reminder of what
you might have had.
Let's book. We don't have to deal
with this. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it!
Hey, hey! Let's talk.
Two thousand monitors?
Infinity proton monitors.
Comfort, style, luxury,
and at prices you can afford.
All right, for that kind of weight,
I'm gonna have to go to my distributor,
and I can't do that without
references. References?
I got to know that you can deliver
and that your stuff's not defective.
Hey, we're no defectives. We get
none of our stuff from Communists.
I'll tell you what...
Our warehouse is on southeast 35th.
We got half of Tokyo in there.
All you gotta do is come over
and check it out. Ain't no problem.
I'll do that.
- All right.
You gentlemen check back
with me tomorrow.
I think Mr. Costelada's
gonna like you two.
All right.
Take care, man.
Lar, do you think you could sleep
somewhere else tonight?
I want to mellow out
the little woman.
No problem.
Do you ever think
about the future, Lar?
No. Career advancement,
that sort of thing?
No. I've been thinking
about it a lot lately and...
You mean Darlene's been thinking
a lot about it lately?
"Get another partner. He's holding
you back. You could be governor.
Ooh!"
She told you
you could be governor?
She only told me
I could be mayor.
They're really
freaky-looking guys,
but I figured, somebody wants to move
2,000 pieces, you oughta hear about it.
Can they deliver?
I don't know.
I mean,
they talk like big business.
Big. I mean big business.
They even gave me the address of their
warehouse. Plus, they left me 30 VCR's as a gift.
Which, of course,
I'll return if you want.
Make the deal for those monitors.
What about the warehouse?
I already checked it out.
It's floor-to-ceiling.
Okay.
I guess your life
gets out of whack sometimes.
Crazy things do happen.
Like my house blowing up.
I'm glad I got you.
Pepe, you hittin'
my bourbon bottle again?
No.
Senor Crockett.
Am I interrupting something?
Uh-uh. Harriet and I are
just having something to eat.
We're gonna let Stan and Darlene
have some time alone tonight.
How is Stan and Darlene
gettin' along anyway?
Okay, I guess.
The guy's too good.
That's his problem.
I mean, here's someone who can
crush your head in his bare hands,
and he cares that your eggs
are done just right.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
I'm just worried about him.
He's such a soft touch.
I just don't want him
to get shafted.
I don't know. I'm not a soft touch,
and I get shafted all the time.
Why don't you hang out
with me tonight?
You can stay at my place, pal.
We could introduce Harriet
to Elvis.
Uh, or maybe not.
Yeah, maybe not.
No, that's okay, Sonny.
Nah, go ahead.
You sure?
Yeah.
All right, pal. If you change your mind,
you know my number.
Yeah. Thank you.
Well, good-lookin',
tonight it's just you and me.
Oh, Stanley.
Oh, Stanley.
Oh, Stanley!
Oh, Stanley!
Oh, Stanley.
What's wrong, Stanley?
Too much beer.
You didn't drink any beer.
Oh. I...
I feel guilty about Larry,
out there all alone in the cold.
Larry? Larry?
Always Larry!
It was a thousand-to-one shot,
so we took a chance.
After our cover was blown
with Bonzo Barry,
we figured our only option
was either those guys or we fold.
That's basically it, Lieutenant.
At least Izzy and Noogie did get
us enough on Gold to roll him over...
and force an introduction
to Costelada.
We use informants
for their knowledge of the street,
not as reinforcements.
You should have asked me first.
Get them off the case.
Keep on Costelada.
♪♪
Agent said we can get the full
Disney World package for under $200.
Disney World, baby? We're talking
about our honeymoon, not Space Mountain.
Come on. Ooh, God!
The One-Stop Motel at Opa-Locka
ain't my idea of a honeymoon.
Baby, didn’t you read in the brochure?
They got mirrors, cable television.
They got water beds. They got Magic Fingers,
baby. They got free soap and towels.
I want to see Mickey!
Mmm!
She wants to see Mickey Mouse.
You want to be Deputy Dawg.
Where am I, third grade?
The lieutenant's right.
I was thinkin' maybe something was gonna get out
of whack anyway. I just don't like firing guys.
Uh... Excuse me, Iz.
Oh, the principals.
Bad news, guys.
You're off the case.
Oh, come on, man! We gotta continue
to battle against the forces of evil.
We can't go outside the department
anymore for help on this one.
Besides, it's too dangerous
for you guys.
Damn right, it's dangerous. We out there
Lone Rangerin' amongst the bad guys.
What do we get for layin' our lives
on the line for the Uncle Sam, man?
Hey, we Hispanics don't know
the meaning of danger,
but we're very familiar
with the word "compensation."
Maybe next time, guys.
Fifty bucks. Well, at least you can
buy me a wedding present.
And, uh, that's just the tip
of the ice cube.
Remember, we got a very
important meeting with Bonzo Barry.
But the supplier just left
with the supplies.
What are we gonna sell him?
I got a very big score, man.
Something I been looking
to take down for a long time.
All right! Get down.
You know it. Let's discuss it,
Jack. Let's go.
Tell you, Noogman,
this is the biggest takedown
in the "anals" of crime.
Word.
Mr. Costelada's very interested in the monitors,
but he'd like to know a few particulars.
The most particular thing is,
we sold them.
Yeah, like they say, man,
he who hesitates...
don't get any monitors.
All right. Whoa.
Now, maybe you're not familiar
with Mr. Costelada's style.
"Whoa" yourself, Jack!
Maybe you're not familiar
with Mr. Noogman's style.
You understand?
Ha, ha!
We got something bigger.
Something bigger?
Yup.
Brand-new, 18-foot, Mark 3,
air-cooled cement truck...
with three-ton capacity.
It's all yellow.
And a half a tank of gas.
All right, look, I'm gonna have to
get back to you on this.
You do that, because we've got
a lot of interested buyers.
Hurry up, Jack, or else it end up
the same way as the monitors and us...
Disappearing off
into the Noogasphere.
Yeah?
Mr. Costelada.
I met with those guys about the
monitors. I think they're full of it.
What makes you say that?
They told me they moved the monitors, and now they're
trying to sell me something about a cement truck.
Now, who the hell would steal
or fence a cement truck? Trucks?
A cement truck? Maybe they can get me
one of those 75-foot French fire engines.
They can name their price. You know how bad
I always wanted one of those fire engines?
Well, no. I guess... Uh, no.
Ever since I was a little boy,
all the other little kids used to play
with those beautiful Corgi trucks.
My parents, all they could afford
were those wooden trucks.
I hate those stupid wooden trucks.
Man, I spit on those wooden trucks.
Now, I want to see that cement truck,
and I want to see those two guys today.
Uh, I-I'll arrange it.
Damn! A cement truck.
You better hurry up, man. Coffee
break's almost over. Come on, man.
Let's get outta here! Hey, man,
this isn't exactly made by Mattel, huh?
You can't just drop in a couple
of batteries and push the button.
Come on, man. Let's go!
One small step for man,
one giant cement truck for mankind, eh?
Hey, man, you're going backwards!
Hit the brake!
Put it in first! Do
something! All right!
Come on, man. Come on!
All right, all right.
Here we go. Here we go.
Yo, man, you're dumping the cement!
My car!
Come on. Let's get out of here.
Come on!
No, man. No, man.
I thought you said
you knew how to drive!
I said I ain't got no parking tickets.
Come on,
man. Let's get out of here. Come on!
I'm scared! Come on.
Let's go. Let's go!
Man, this is like
an "abolition" derby here.
I'm scared!
Come on. Let's go!
Let's go! I'm trying to, man. I'm trying
to. All these things keep getting in my way!
You did it! You did it!
It's just like
the Industrial Revolution.
Man is destined
to conquer machine.
And sell it as soon as possible!
Whoa! The Noogman is the man!
Mr. Gold, can we have a word
with you, please?
One second. I don't know. We got to,
uh...
Hey, hey.
That's a custom lacquer finish.
It's gonna need a new coat by the time you see
daylight again. What are you talking about?
I'm talking about buying
and selling stolen goods!
Those guys that dropped off
the VCR's to you yesterday?
Those guys are cops?
Now, the way I see it, Barry,
you got two choices.
Column A: You set up Costelada
to make a buy from us.
Or Column B:
three to five for receiving
stolen property.
Hey, hey, listen, fellas. I'm basically
a good guy. I got a wife. I got a house.
You got five seconds.
One, two... Three.
- I'm just trying to run a business.
- Four.
All right. All right! He's calling me
tomorrow. I'll...I'll set up the meet.
All right, bubeleh.
You got your forwards.
You got your backwards.
You got your turn signals. You
got everything. And it's sturdy too.
Eduardo, pay 'em.
Where the hell's Billy boy?
I want to take a picture.
Don't you worry, Mr. Costelada. We'll get back
to you real soon about that fire truck, eh?
Disney World, here I come.
Mmm-mmm-mmm!
M-O-N, and you know that.
N-E-Y!
Hey, listen, also I heard about this
DC-9 that's just there for the taking.
Mr. Costelada, it's Barry Gold.
These two are cops.
Of course I miss you.
Of course I'd like to see you.
Stanley and I?
Oh, we're just friends.
Oh, Stanley. What are you
doing home so early?
Oh, Stanley! Oh, you're messing
my hair! Stanley, what are you doing?
Oh! Oh, Stanley,
this is so tawdry! I mean it.
I'll do it for you, but I won't
enjoy it. Fine. I'll make it quick.
Oh! Is the front door locked?
Bolted.
Where's Larry? He's dead. Now, look,
Darlene. This is it. Not another peep.
Yes, Stanley.
Oh! Oh!
Stan, Barry Gold called. We gotta
go. Izzy and Noogie are in deep trouble.
Costelada's got 'em.
Where?
South Beach marina.
- All right. Let's go.
But, Stanley!
This is my job.
Well, there are other jobs.
If you leave here now with him,
I won't be here when you get back!
I give you only name, rank
and naturalization number.
Nugart Neville Lamont, alias the Noogman,
alias the Cone of Silence.
That's right! We're mens of a
thousand faces, but we tell you zero.
We're very professional,
homeboy.
You're talking to a man who has withstood
the finest interrogation techniques...
Electrical, mechanical,
psychological,
philosophical, European, domestic,
commercial. Shut up, homes.
Which is why there's no need
for us to prove our valor...
by refusing to talk to you now.
I'm hip. You want me to talk,
I'll talk! I'll talk about anything!
The Noogman is known for talking
about anything or nothin' at all.
You guys got nothing to say
that I want to hear.
You're history.
Ray, cast off. Mr. Costelada,
you can't do this. They're cops.
That's right. You're under arrest.
- You too, Barry. On the floor.
Mr. Costelada, what did I do? You
introduced me to these two guys.
Now I got some serious-type
questions about you!
Uh!
We gotta call backup. There
isn't any time. We'll have to jump.
Come on, man! Look, man,
your life isn't out of whack anymore.
Come on.
Let's do it, buddy.
Because when you mess with the dudes
that got organization, man,
you got no window
of "venerability" to attack.
It's like I always said, you got your
Ronald Reagan, you got your Lee lacocca,
you got your Geraldo Rivera,
and that's all you need.
¿Qué pasó, eh?
♪♪
Where is Izzy?
What time you got, man?
He told me he'd show. I know. I got faith
in him. That's my man. He's got to show.
Come on, Izzy, Izzy! Come on! Ooh!
Where is he?
Oh! You got it?
Hey, man, you didn't tell me that pawnshop
had an alarm system. I almost got busted.
All right! Izzy came through,
and you know that...
'cause my main man
always comes through.
It's got about 14 carats,
at least.
If we're lucky,
maybe one of us will catch the bouquet.
♪♪
♪♪
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here
today to witness the joining together...
Boy, am I lucky.
That could've been me.
Thanks, buddy.
♪ The best things in life are free ♪
♪ But you can give them
to the birds and bees ♪
♪ I need money ♪
♪ That's what I want ♪
♪ That's what I want ♪
♪ That's what I want ♪
♪ That's what I wa-a-a-ant ♪
♪ That's what I want ♪
♪ That's what I want ♪
♪ That's what I want ♪
♪ Your love give me such a thrill ♪
Fresh ink makes me sneeze.
♪ But your love don't pay my bills ♪
♪ I need money ♪
♪ That's what I want ♪
This stuff is da kine, man.
♪ That's what I want ♪
♪ That's what I wa-a-a-ant ♪
♪ That's what I want ♪
You could pay off the F. B. I. with this,
and they'd never know.
We just sell it by weight.
It takes too long to count it.
Who cares?
The plates are excellent,
but the paper...
Unbelievable composition.
Spectroscopy, my friend.
- Spec what?
Molecular analyzation of matter
through laser light.
Read a book sometime.
♪ Money don't get everything
it's true ♪
♪ But what it don't get, I can't use ♪
♪ I need money ♪
♪ That's what I want ♪
♪ That's what I want♪♪
I just can't believe you're
letting Darlene move in so fast.
I'm not letting Darlene do anything.
Watch it here.
I'm not letting her do anything.
I want her to.
Oh, sure. Like the fish wants
to be hooked by the fisherman?
You know, I was hoping in my heart
that this wouldn't affect our friendship,
but I can see you're not big enough
to get over the fact that she dumped you.
Dumped me?
Is that what she told you?
There's the signal.
Hit him!
You okay, old man?
Yeah! Let's go!
We got heat!
Miami Vice!
The building is surrounded!
What's going on? I thought you said this place was safe.
- What the hell? Gasoline!
Gasoline! Artie! Artie!
- Artie, don't, man. Don't do it, man.
- Hey, Artie!
- Artie.
- Artie!
They're cops!
Carlos!
You got nothin' on me, sucker!
You got ashes!
- Hold this, Stan.
- Larry, you can't go in there!
Hey, Larry!
Larry! Lar! Larry!
Larry!
Ashes, huh? Ashes!
You all right, Larry?
Larry, are you all right?
I just burned my fingertips.
Oh, man!
What about the money? Leave it
for somebody else. Come on, man!
♪♪
What do you got there?
A souvenir.
One of Artie's masterpieces.
I'm gonna frame it for a memento.
I wouldn't. Bogus bill's bad
luck. Don't you know that?
Stan, I believe things
are either in whack or outta whack.
Right now my life's in whack.
You moved in with Darlene.
Your life's about to get out of whack.
Hey, what's that?
It's a fire. Wow.
One of my neighbors, I guess.
Huh. What's up, Chief?
Gas main exploded.
Do you know a Mr. Lawrence Zito?
My house!
Look, Mr. Zito, I'm sorry.
My house! My motorcycle.
Harry!
Gas fire... the worst.
I'm sorry, but this is all
we were able to save.
What is it? Mailbox.
What is it?
It's your gas bill.
♪♪
♪ When I walk through that door ♪
♪ Baby, be polite ♪
♪ You're gonna make me sore ♪
♪ If you don't greet me right ♪
♪ Don't you ever kiss me once ♪
♪ Kiss me twice ♪
♪ Treat me nice ♪ Looks like
Darlene can't find room for all her stuff.
This isn't Darlene's stuff.
It's my stuff.
♪♪
♪♪
Darlene!
In the bedroom!
Oh, he's gonna love this!
Oh, Stan.
Hmm?
Don't touch the hair.
Sorry.
Stan, honey bunch, I made a few
minor decorating decisions.
I hope you don't mind.
Oh, and we're gonna have to
hang your clothes in the garage.
What garage?
Larry.
- Darlene.
Well.
I wasn't expecting guests
for dinner.
Larry's house blew up.
Gas main leak.
He lost everything, Darlene.
Harry too.
That stupid fish?
Uh, I told Larry he could stay
with us for a couple of days.
Larry,
could you give us
a couple of minutes?
He can't stay here.
Why not? He's my friend!
I don't even know why you
brought him in. He's gotta stay here.
This is my first night, and I'm not even
unpacked! So what do you want me to do with him?
He's got nowhere else to go
but here! He's my friend!
Don't you even care about me? I
guess I'll park myself on Mr. Sofa.
♪ If you really want my lovin'' ♪
♪ Treat me nice♪♪
Don't you even love me?
What about me?
Here. One of the meatheads
left this in the men's room.
Aw, you shouldn't have.
We didn't.
It's for Zito. Well, if it's a house,
he's gonna be a little cramped.
I told you. You can use some of my
clothes. I'll go to a thrift shop at lunch.
Here.
What's this?
We sort of chipped in
'cause we love you. What is it?
Open it. Go. It's an
inflatable house. Come on.
How was your warehouse sting?
Nada.
We've been hearing that John
C. Costelada's back in town.
Everybody's afraid
to bite the hook.
I vaguely remember.
Fill me in.
Up until a couple of years ago, Costelada was the
master fence of stolen goods in South Florida.
I'm talking by the shipload.
- I heard he ran into some trouble in Mexico.
- He bought his way out.
He's slick as they come.
He works strictly as a broker,
so he doesn't get dirty.
We have to catch him literally taking
possession of goods he knows are stolen.
It's not gonna be an easy job.
The only way to do that
is to flip one of his retailers.
Switek and I worked him
a year ago and got zip.
- Why don't you get back on him?
- Okay.
- That's really nice.
- You like it?
- It's like a new start or something.
- It's a girl.
Harriet.
After the job we did on that counterfeiting
ring, we had a couple of slack days coming.
That was until somebody
opened his stupid mouth.
"Ah, me and Switek,
we got plenty on Costelada!"
What's the big deal? Let me try to
explain it in terms you might understand.
A new girlfriend
is like a new goldfish.
You gotta spend time with them so they
get accustomed to the bowl. You know?
I know fish move around
in the dark.
You see? That's what I don't
understand. These constant attacks.
Why don't you just face it?
She wasn't into you.
Ooh! That stings, Stan.
Miss Hair Spray 1985
was the one that got away.
I think Darlene's hair
looks great! It oughta.
People spend less time
raising their children.
For one week, and one week only,
at all Bonzo Barry stores...
Right here, right now, the right
equipment at the right price,
because Bonzo Barry has harpooned
the high cost of quality stereo.
Sorry.
I've scoured the audio and video arctic
and brought back these bargains...
at prices frozen so low you'll have to
buy them, because Bonzo Barry always...
Seals the deal!
Why should he be clapping? Because
I'll beat any deal in the Miami area.
So come on down to any one of our five... that's
right, count them... five Bonzo Barry high-tech stores.
For your stereo needs, for your video needs,
for your stereo-video needs, come on down.
Isn't that the girl we busted for
soliciting about a year ago? Don't look.
I don't know. No.
That's her, isn't it?
No.
You sure?
Right here, right now,
the right equipment.
- Definitely no.
You're positive?
I'd stake my life on it.
And remember, all Bonzo Barry
components and equipment...
are fully backed
by our very own "seal" of approval!
Okay. That's enough. We'll
splice it together. Whatever.
Excuse me.
We talked on the phone.
We're the, uh...
Discount suppliers.
Yeah, well, like I told you,
I got my own discount suppliers.
Yeah, but, uh, not like us.
We can really pull our weight.
Top of the line.
Sony, Nakamichi,
Luxman, Macintosh.
State of the art,
all factory sealed.
Eighty percent discount.
All right,
let's go back to my office,
and you can convince me.
Barry? Barry.
Not now, honey. I'm talking
some business. Police business?
What do you mean,
police business?
Well, when you're talking
with two cops,
you're usually talking
police business.
I took a bust
from these two guys!
Get out of here.
It was her.
Damn! Everything would have
worked out perfectly if she wasn't there.
It's just... Your bad luck?
Which is beginning
to get contagious.
Our best lead on Costelada
blown in 15 seconds.
What do I tell Castillo?
"We blew it, Lieutenant,
because I'm teamed up with an albatross."
There's gotta be a better way.
Anybody that's into hot properties
is gonna know about Costelada.
And who do we know
who's into hot property?
Come on, baby!
Crash and burn for the Noogman!
Rat-tat-tat-tat! Rat-tat-tat!
Come on, baby! Rat-tat-tat-tat!
Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat!
Ooh!
Damn! Five-O!
The Noogman, fearless,
faster flyin' fool! Bailin' out, Jack!
Welcome to the Noogman's
last night of single-tude, Jack!
What'd he say?
- The Noogman is getting married
on the morrow, Jack!
Flyin' the friendly skies!
Flyin' united.
Who's the unlucky lady?
Ample Annie, the mean machine.
What's up, mama?
Hardworkin' gal.
I like that.
No wonder I'm not married.
All the good women are spoken for.
So, Noog, how's the fencing business?
You got the wrong brother, Jackson.
The Noogman is one re-ha-bili-tated dude,
you understand?
Strictly "legizit."
R-E-S-P-C-P!
If 'n ever you spell it,
that's what I want.
Well, good. Then you won't mind
us taking a trip back to your place...
and check out the serial numbers
on your shower gifts.
Yeah, I've heard this rap
before, fellas.
Just run it down
and let the Noogie boogie, please?
A mover named Costelada.
John Costelada?
Man, that's one heavy dude!
Find him.
- How am I gonna find him? That's impossible. What, is you drunk?
Find him.
Hello!
Shut up!
Who's there?
Shut up!
Hi, Iz.
Switek. Zito.
¿Qué pasó, eh?
Hey, typical
establishment neglect, eh?
I offered to help these winged refugees
with their foreign language requirements.
You know, so they can get
their migration card.
And management...
Blind to the needs of
the working bird educator,
forget to leave me a key.
We already gave him
his English lesson, Iz,
in legalese.
- You have the right to remain silent!
- You have the right to remain silent!
You belong in a cage.
Not me, man. I'm no criminal.
I mean, I never been convicted.
I have a few indictments, man, but...
I'm a man of no convictions.
So, uh,
what do you want me to do?
We want you to set up Costelada.
I got 4,000 Pirelli P225s
coming out of Canada tomorrow.
I can have 'em to you by Friday.
Uh, 50, 45 and 40.
Get back to me.
Benny, what the hell's happening
with those power tools?
Johnny C., you'll laugh
when you hear where I got 'em.
I don't wanna hear where you got 'em. I
don't wanna see 'em. I don't wanna touch 'em.
All I wanna do is move 'em.
I got a guy in Pittsburgh's
calling me about 'em tomorrow.
- Zoom, zoom.
I'll get back to you. What?
- I have Mr. Rudman on line two.
Here's his file.
Jesus.
Rudman.
This is Costelada.
Mr. C., I couldn't accept
the merchandise.
They canceled the convention
at the last minute.
I hope you understand
it wasn't my fault.
Look, what I understand is, you made
a deal for 150 compact disc players...
that haven't been paid for yet.
I know. But I can't pay you
unless my customers pay me.
What I was thinking... When they
reschedule the convention, I can...
Let me tell you
what I'm thinking.
I think you got a house on 19 Parkwood
Lane with a standard alarm system.
I think your wife drives a black
touring Eldorado, license DJC 521.
I think your son's in the third grade
at Houston Central Elementary School.
Now, I want my money!
You got 48 hours!
Now you know what I'm thinking,
think about it.
I think I'm gonna
sit in the sun for a while.
I cannot relax with him
coming in and out of here.
He's going to sleep now.
Trust me.
Oh, remember, Stanley,
don't touch the hair.
Right.
♪♪
Listen to me, Stanley.
You have a great future ahead
of you. Immediate future, I hope.
No, I'm dead serious.
Zito's holding you back.
He's holding you back
from more important things.
I mean, there's no reason
you couldn't be Lieutenant Switek...
or Captain Switek...
or Chief of Police Switek.
You really think so?
Oh, absolutely.
I saw it the first moment
I laid eyes on you.
You mean, when you were
at the car wash with Larry?
And you know what happens
to police chiefs, don't ya?
Don't ya, Mayor Switek?
Larry, what are you doin'?
TV.
- T...
♪ Baby, that's my philosophy ♪
Ooh! The king!
♪ Yes, it is, now ♪
The king?
♪ It's called rubberneckin', baby ♪
♪ But that's all right with me ♪
- Hey, turn this up.
♪ Stop, look and listen, baby ♪
Come on, baby. Turn it up.
Oh, mama.
♪ Yes, it is, now ♪
How do you do that?
♪ It's called rubberneckin', baby ♪
Mama. Mmm!
How do you do that?
♪ Some people say
I'm wastin' time ♪
Oh, Mr. Mayor!
♪♪
Well, my voters call.
♪ It gives me such a glow ♪
Good night, Larry!
Good night, King.
♪ First thing in the mornin' ♪
♪ Last thing at night ♪
♪♪ This session of the city council...
will now come to order.
Ohh!
Mmm, little bitty, tiny fingers!
Oh, Stanley!
I'm just gonna be a second!
Honey? Please?
All right.
As mayor, I order you.
You ain't the mayor yet.
Almost ready, pumpkin.
♪♪ Here ya go!
Soft, just the way you like 'em.
Ohh!
I just lost my appetite.
Stan, you got any café cubano?
Don't tell me you're fine! What
the hell are you guys doin' here?
This morning I am doing
my official duty as a lawman.
I get to this loco harebrain,
and he tells me he's in charge of my case?
Your case? No,
the Noogman does not work in the shadow.
Man, who's the Captain Kirk
of this Enterprise?
The Noogman flies alone,
you dig?
Especially not with this
no-good jive Cubano echo brain!
I got a rep.
You dissin' me, man!
Am I working for him
or is he working for me, man?
You got to have organization
in a business this big.
You got your Ronald Reagan, you got your
Lee lacocca, you got your Geraldo Rivera,
and that's how you stay on top.
That's how you get the job done...
Organization, eh?
Baby, is your hair always
this pretty early in the morning?
Don't you sleep on it
at night, baby?
Don't... touch... my... hair!
Well, excuse me, baby.
Thanks a lot, Stanley!
Hey, it's time
for the Beaver, man.
Do you ever watch this? This
Eddie Haskell is really... Turn it down!
No, no, no! Wait, wait.
I seen this one before.
This is where Ward
comes down hard on the Beaver.
Well, we have a sizable
amount of loot.
What's up on Costelada?
I had to get on the Noog-line...
- I almost got killed. You know?
In other words,
you guys got squat!
Hey, Costelada's main man is this
funny little dude named Bonzo Barry.
He's got this very short show on TV.
But everybody know about that,
home! Well, we tried him.
Right.
He didn't like our approach.
Maybe you come on too strong.
What you need is a new concept.
Yes, yes.
A solid marketing approach.
Comfort, style, luxury,
and at prices you can afford.
No C. O. D. 's.
Wally, we can keep it
in the bathtub.
Well, okay, let's send for it,
but an eight-foot alligator...
You guys think this is enough stuff
to trade up to Costelada?
Frankly, no,
but we can lie a lot.
Every one of these babies represents 2,000
back at the old warehouse, right, guys?
I used to work these location
operations. You guys need any backup?
No!
I sure hope this works.
Think... positive!
Yo, man, this is supposed to be a
police operation, not a sequel to Roots.
I feel like we're doing
a remake of The Defiant Ones.
Sorry about this, guys, but it's a real pain nailing
all that surveillance equipment to the floor.
All right.
Now, we'll follow you.
Yo, how many VCR's
we got in there, Jackson?
Don't worry about that.
Just stick to the plan.
Try not to sweat too much. We put a
hundred-dollar deposit on those clothes.
Hundred dollars? How am I supposed to
come off as a businessman when you're...
cramping my style with this low
racket bracket jacket, Jackson?
Don't you ever watch
the Wall Street Weekly?
I feel totally confident.
An order like this...30 pieces...
Is really a waste of time for me.
Since you brought it over,
I'm gonna do you a favor. Do me a favor?
Who you think
you talking to, Jack?
With the numbers I'm getting, this is
just a door prize! You tell him, Noogman.
Listen, we're very
upwardly "nubile."
We was gonna turn you on to a deal
for 2,000 proton monitors.
That's right, but now I think
we'll just leave this here with you...
as a reminder of what
you might have had.
Let's book. We don't have to deal
with this. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it!
Hey, hey! Let's talk.
Two thousand monitors?
Infinity proton monitors.
Comfort, style, luxury,
and at prices you can afford.
All right, for that kind of weight,
I'm gonna have to go to my distributor,
and I can't do that without
references. References?
I got to know that you can deliver
and that your stuff's not defective.
Hey, we're no defectives. We get
none of our stuff from Communists.
I'll tell you what...
Our warehouse is on southeast 35th.
We got half of Tokyo in there.
All you gotta do is come over
and check it out. Ain't no problem.
I'll do that.
- All right.
You gentlemen check back
with me tomorrow.
I think Mr. Costelada's
gonna like you two.
All right.
Take care, man.
Lar, do you think you could sleep
somewhere else tonight?
I want to mellow out
the little woman.
No problem.
Do you ever think
about the future, Lar?
No. Career advancement,
that sort of thing?
No. I've been thinking
about it a lot lately and...
You mean Darlene's been thinking
a lot about it lately?
"Get another partner. He's holding
you back. You could be governor.
Ooh!"
She told you
you could be governor?
She only told me
I could be mayor.
They're really
freaky-looking guys,
but I figured, somebody wants to move
2,000 pieces, you oughta hear about it.
Can they deliver?
I don't know.
I mean,
they talk like big business.
Big. I mean big business.
They even gave me the address of their
warehouse. Plus, they left me 30 VCR's as a gift.
Which, of course,
I'll return if you want.
Make the deal for those monitors.
What about the warehouse?
I already checked it out.
It's floor-to-ceiling.
Okay.
I guess your life
gets out of whack sometimes.
Crazy things do happen.
Like my house blowing up.
I'm glad I got you.
Pepe, you hittin'
my bourbon bottle again?
No.
Senor Crockett.
Am I interrupting something?
Uh-uh. Harriet and I are
just having something to eat.
We're gonna let Stan and Darlene
have some time alone tonight.
How is Stan and Darlene
gettin' along anyway?
Okay, I guess.
The guy's too good.
That's his problem.
I mean, here's someone who can
crush your head in his bare hands,
and he cares that your eggs
are done just right.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
I'm just worried about him.
He's such a soft touch.
I just don't want him
to get shafted.
I don't know. I'm not a soft touch,
and I get shafted all the time.
Why don't you hang out
with me tonight?
You can stay at my place, pal.
We could introduce Harriet
to Elvis.
Uh, or maybe not.
Yeah, maybe not.
No, that's okay, Sonny.
Nah, go ahead.
You sure?
Yeah.
All right, pal. If you change your mind,
you know my number.
Yeah. Thank you.
Well, good-lookin',
tonight it's just you and me.
Oh, Stanley.
Oh, Stanley.
Oh, Stanley!
Oh, Stanley!
Oh, Stanley.
What's wrong, Stanley?
Too much beer.
You didn't drink any beer.
Oh. I...
I feel guilty about Larry,
out there all alone in the cold.
Larry? Larry?
Always Larry!
It was a thousand-to-one shot,
so we took a chance.
After our cover was blown
with Bonzo Barry,
we figured our only option
was either those guys or we fold.
That's basically it, Lieutenant.
At least Izzy and Noogie did get
us enough on Gold to roll him over...
and force an introduction
to Costelada.
We use informants
for their knowledge of the street,
not as reinforcements.
You should have asked me first.
Get them off the case.
Keep on Costelada.
♪♪
Agent said we can get the full
Disney World package for under $200.
Disney World, baby? We're talking
about our honeymoon, not Space Mountain.
Come on. Ooh, God!
The One-Stop Motel at Opa-Locka
ain't my idea of a honeymoon.
Baby, didn’t you read in the brochure?
They got mirrors, cable television.
They got water beds. They got Magic Fingers,
baby. They got free soap and towels.
I want to see Mickey!
Mmm!
She wants to see Mickey Mouse.
You want to be Deputy Dawg.
Where am I, third grade?
The lieutenant's right.
I was thinkin' maybe something was gonna get out
of whack anyway. I just don't like firing guys.
Uh... Excuse me, Iz.
Oh, the principals.
Bad news, guys.
You're off the case.
Oh, come on, man! We gotta continue
to battle against the forces of evil.
We can't go outside the department
anymore for help on this one.
Besides, it's too dangerous
for you guys.
Damn right, it's dangerous. We out there
Lone Rangerin' amongst the bad guys.
What do we get for layin' our lives
on the line for the Uncle Sam, man?
Hey, we Hispanics don't know
the meaning of danger,
but we're very familiar
with the word "compensation."
Maybe next time, guys.
Fifty bucks. Well, at least you can
buy me a wedding present.
And, uh, that's just the tip
of the ice cube.
Remember, we got a very
important meeting with Bonzo Barry.
But the supplier just left
with the supplies.
What are we gonna sell him?
I got a very big score, man.
Something I been looking
to take down for a long time.
All right! Get down.
You know it. Let's discuss it,
Jack. Let's go.
Tell you, Noogman,
this is the biggest takedown
in the "anals" of crime.
Word.
Mr. Costelada's very interested in the monitors,
but he'd like to know a few particulars.
The most particular thing is,
we sold them.
Yeah, like they say, man,
he who hesitates...
don't get any monitors.
All right. Whoa.
Now, maybe you're not familiar
with Mr. Costelada's style.
"Whoa" yourself, Jack!
Maybe you're not familiar
with Mr. Noogman's style.
You understand?
Ha, ha!
We got something bigger.
Something bigger?
Yup.
Brand-new, 18-foot, Mark 3,
air-cooled cement truck...
with three-ton capacity.
It's all yellow.
And a half a tank of gas.
All right, look, I'm gonna have to
get back to you on this.
You do that, because we've got
a lot of interested buyers.
Hurry up, Jack, or else it end up
the same way as the monitors and us...
Disappearing off
into the Noogasphere.
Yeah?
Mr. Costelada.
I met with those guys about the
monitors. I think they're full of it.
What makes you say that?
They told me they moved the monitors, and now they're
trying to sell me something about a cement truck.
Now, who the hell would steal
or fence a cement truck? Trucks?
A cement truck? Maybe they can get me
one of those 75-foot French fire engines.
They can name their price. You know how bad
I always wanted one of those fire engines?
Well, no. I guess... Uh, no.
Ever since I was a little boy,
all the other little kids used to play
with those beautiful Corgi trucks.
My parents, all they could afford
were those wooden trucks.
I hate those stupid wooden trucks.
Man, I spit on those wooden trucks.
Now, I want to see that cement truck,
and I want to see those two guys today.
Uh, I-I'll arrange it.
Damn! A cement truck.
You better hurry up, man. Coffee
break's almost over. Come on, man.
Let's get outta here! Hey, man,
this isn't exactly made by Mattel, huh?
You can't just drop in a couple
of batteries and push the button.
Come on, man. Let's go!
One small step for man,
one giant cement truck for mankind, eh?
Hey, man, you're going backwards!
Hit the brake!
Put it in first! Do
something! All right!
Come on, man. Come on!
All right, all right.
Here we go. Here we go.
Yo, man, you're dumping the cement!
My car!
Come on. Let's get out of here.
Come on!
No, man. No, man.
I thought you said
you knew how to drive!
I said I ain't got no parking tickets.
Come on,
man. Let's get out of here. Come on!
I'm scared! Come on.
Let's go. Let's go!
Man, this is like
an "abolition" derby here.
I'm scared!
Come on. Let's go!
Let's go! I'm trying to, man. I'm trying
to. All these things keep getting in my way!
You did it! You did it!
It's just like
the Industrial Revolution.
Man is destined
to conquer machine.
And sell it as soon as possible!
Whoa! The Noogman is the man!
Mr. Gold, can we have a word
with you, please?
One second. I don't know. We got to,
uh...
Hey, hey.
That's a custom lacquer finish.
It's gonna need a new coat by the time you see
daylight again. What are you talking about?
I'm talking about buying
and selling stolen goods!
Those guys that dropped off
the VCR's to you yesterday?
Those guys are cops?
Now, the way I see it, Barry,
you got two choices.
Column A: You set up Costelada
to make a buy from us.
Or Column B:
three to five for receiving
stolen property.
Hey, hey, listen, fellas. I'm basically
a good guy. I got a wife. I got a house.
You got five seconds.
One, two... Three.
- I'm just trying to run a business.
- Four.
All right. All right! He's calling me
tomorrow. I'll...I'll set up the meet.
All right, bubeleh.
You got your forwards.
You got your backwards.
You got your turn signals. You
got everything. And it's sturdy too.
Eduardo, pay 'em.
Where the hell's Billy boy?
I want to take a picture.
Don't you worry, Mr. Costelada. We'll get back
to you real soon about that fire truck, eh?
Disney World, here I come.
Mmm-mmm-mmm!
M-O-N, and you know that.
N-E-Y!
Hey, listen, also I heard about this
DC-9 that's just there for the taking.
Mr. Costelada, it's Barry Gold.
These two are cops.
Of course I miss you.
Of course I'd like to see you.
Stanley and I?
Oh, we're just friends.
Oh, Stanley. What are you
doing home so early?
Oh, Stanley! Oh, you're messing
my hair! Stanley, what are you doing?
Oh! Oh, Stanley,
this is so tawdry! I mean it.
I'll do it for you, but I won't
enjoy it. Fine. I'll make it quick.
Oh! Is the front door locked?
Bolted.
Where's Larry? He's dead. Now, look,
Darlene. This is it. Not another peep.
Yes, Stanley.
Oh! Oh!
Stan, Barry Gold called. We gotta
go. Izzy and Noogie are in deep trouble.
Costelada's got 'em.
Where?
South Beach marina.
- All right. Let's go.
But, Stanley!
This is my job.
Well, there are other jobs.
If you leave here now with him,
I won't be here when you get back!
I give you only name, rank
and naturalization number.
Nugart Neville Lamont, alias the Noogman,
alias the Cone of Silence.
That's right! We're mens of a
thousand faces, but we tell you zero.
We're very professional,
homeboy.
You're talking to a man who has withstood
the finest interrogation techniques...
Electrical, mechanical,
psychological,
philosophical, European, domestic,
commercial. Shut up, homes.
Which is why there's no need
for us to prove our valor...
by refusing to talk to you now.
I'm hip. You want me to talk,
I'll talk! I'll talk about anything!
The Noogman is known for talking
about anything or nothin' at all.
You guys got nothing to say
that I want to hear.
You're history.
Ray, cast off. Mr. Costelada,
you can't do this. They're cops.
That's right. You're under arrest.
- You too, Barry. On the floor.
Mr. Costelada, what did I do? You
introduced me to these two guys.
Now I got some serious-type
questions about you!
Uh!
We gotta call backup. There
isn't any time. We'll have to jump.
Come on, man! Look, man,
your life isn't out of whack anymore.
Come on.
Let's do it, buddy.
Because when you mess with the dudes
that got organization, man,
you got no window
of "venerability" to attack.
It's like I always said, you got your
Ronald Reagan, you got your Lee lacocca,
you got your Geraldo Rivera,
and that's all you need.
¿Qué pasó, eh?
♪♪
Where is Izzy?
What time you got, man?
He told me he'd show. I know. I got faith
in him. That's my man. He's got to show.
Come on, Izzy, Izzy! Come on! Ooh!
Where is he?
Oh! You got it?
Hey, man, you didn't tell me that pawnshop
had an alarm system. I almost got busted.
All right! Izzy came through,
and you know that...
'cause my main man
always comes through.
It's got about 14 carats,
at least.
If we're lucky,
maybe one of us will catch the bouquet.
♪♪
♪♪
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here
today to witness the joining together...
Boy, am I lucky.
That could've been me.
Thanks, buddy.