Merlin (2008–2012): Season 3, Episode 3 - Goblin's Gold - full transcript
Merlin accidentally releases a malicious goblin from a secret chamber and it casts a spell on Uther, making him lose all his hair. Gaius and Merlin try to catch it but it inhabits Gaius, possessing him and making him rude and greedy, selling bogus potions in exchange for gold. Before Merlin can act, the goblin, speaking through Gaius, denounces him as a sorcerer and he is imprisoned. Arthur believes in Merlin's innocence but he is turned into a donkey after confronting the possessed physician, and Merlin, helped only by Guinevere, must bring Gaius close to death so that the goblin will leave him and can be recaptured.
'In a land of myth
and a time of magic
'the destiny of a great kingdom
rests on the shoulders
of a young boy.
'His name...
'Merlin.'
Yes.
Gaius asked me to fetch a book...
The Bestiary of Gwilym of Cambria.
The Bestiary?
I haven't seen that for many years.
It will be somewhere in
the East Wing. I have no idea where.
East...
is that way.
Yeah.
Great.
GROANING
BANGING
GROANING
Onluc scrin!
Booo!
Are you going to say something,
or shall I?
You can speak?
You're a sharp one.
Ooh, aaah.
I can't tell you how good it feels
to be able to do that. And that.
And this.
Ssshhh!
I have been squished
and squashed inside that box
for more than 50 years.
Time to have some fun. Woo-hoo!
There you go!
Look, have fun, quietly...
Very quietly.
Uh-oh.
No! You are going to get both of us
into serious trouble.
Oh... Oh... Oh!
Oh, dear. What a shame. Never mind.
Right. That's it.
You're going back in that box while
I work out what to do with you.
Oh. All right.
If I really must.
WHIMPERS
In.
Oh.
Ha, ha!
Fooled you!
Stop messing around!
FOOTSTEPS
CRASHING
GOBLIN LAUGHS
Oooh!
Nah... Nah... Nah...
Maybe?
Nah.
Nah.
Nah.
(Got you!)
GROANS
SILENCE
BUZZING
No!
Bull's-eye!
Someone's going to see you!
Really?
I'm just having a little tidy up.
You want to get rid of all of this.
Nasty mess up here.
Nobody's had a brush up here
for years.
Look at it. It's all old.
Right, that's enough. I'm off.
Found it.
Ah.
BANGING
No!
No, no, no.
No! No!
None here.
Oh!
None under here either.
Merlin!
I really hope for your sake you have
a good explanation for this.
I do have a good explanation.
I'm spring cleaning.
It isn't spring,
and it certainly isn't clean.
That's because
I've only just started.
DOOR CREAKS
You wait until I've finished.
You'll be able to eat your dinner
off the floor.
Not that you'd want to.
BANGING
What was that?
Why don't I go and see and you can
make yourself comfortable.
Nearly, nearly.
Nearly, nearly,
nearly, nearly, nearly.
GOBLIN SNIFFS
Oh. No!
CLEARS THROAT
I'm really not sure it suits you,
Merlin.
That's it.
It seems you have
unleashed a goblin.
I know that face.
It's not good, is it?
Goblins are the most
mischievous of creatures.
Mischievous, and dangerous.
It didn't seem dangerous.
Believe me, Merlin.
Goblins will stop at nothing to
get their hands on the one thing
they value above all others. Gold.
DOOR OPENS
You're needed for a matter of great
urgency and extreme delicacy.
What is it?
It's my father.
I should warn you.
If you value your lives,
do not even think about laughing.
Father?
I'm behind the screen.
Only an enchantment could cause
Uther to lose his hair like that.
I have no doubt
that goblin is to blame.
We must catch it
before it does any real damage.
Did you see Uther's face?
Merlin, what do you think Uther
will do to the person responsible
for releasing the goblin?
We need to catch it.
How do we do that?
We need to set a trap.
And for that, we need gold,
and plenty of it.
GENTLE SNORING
Who's there?
(Oferbraedels ahreos!)
Oh! Oh!
Uh!
Oh! Oh!
Oh!
Guards!
Oooh!
Oh! Lovely gold.
Oh.
Oh.
Ah!
Oh!
Ohhhh! Ohhhh!
Oh! Ah!
Arghh!
BUZZING
Gaius?
Did you see where it went?
You let it escape, you stupid boy!
And now you just stand there like
a sack of potatoes! Go after it!
Go! Shoo!
Shoo!
I've searched the entire palace.
There's no sign of the goblin
anywh... What happened?
It's that pesky goblin!
You let it escape,
and it's ransacked my premises.
You've got some cleaning up to do.
Clean, clean!
Where are you going?
I am going to the tavern.
You never go to the tavern.
Then I shall see
what I've been missing.
CHANTING
Shall we arm-wrestle, or do
you require a moment to recover
what little strength you have?
HE BURPS
Oh...
You look terrible.
How much did you drink last night?
You don't look so good yourself.
What's your excuse? What?
Ssshhh!
Too much talking.
I have a head like
the inside of a drum,
and a mouth like a badger's armpit.
Eugh. A badger's armpit?
Make yourself useful.
Go to the market
and fetch my breakfast.
Away. Go!
HE BURPS
Mmm...
Gaius.
Yes, yes. What is it?
I couldn't sleep last night.
My healing bracelet has been stolen.
Oooh. A tragedy and travesty.
Whoever stole it should be hanged,
flogged and hanged again!
I was hoping you could give me
a sleeping draft.
A sleeping draft? Can't you
count sheep like everyone else?
Why are you bothering me
with such things? Shoo.
I don't know why
you are being like this.
I'm the King's ward,
and you shall do as I ask.
Ooooh.
Shall I now?
I can see deep into your heart.
And it's cold.
Cold as stone.
You play at being Uther's
loving ward, you play it so well.
You fool him, but you don't fool me.
You would see Uther dead
and Camelot destroyed.
Why would you say such a thing?
Because it is the truth.
There is evil in your heart.
I don't know what has come over you.
You were always
such a good friend to me.
I see the truth frightens you.
It's you that frighten me.
Do you not want your sleeping draft
after all, Lady Morgana?
One moment.
Sweet dreams.
Do come back and see me, any time.
Say aaahhh oooh aah ooh
ahh ooohh.
Aaahhh oooh aah ooh ahh ooohh.
He is certain to die.
Oh! I don't feel like I'm dying.
If you value your life,
you won't say another word.
It could kill you instantly. Sssh.
I believed he had a broken rib.
A broken rib that has become
infected, with a most severe
and terrifying infection
that can only be
treated by this remedy.
Alas, it's very expensive.
We do not have any money to spare.
In that case your husband will die
and you will spend
the rest of your life
in poverty and misery,
before dying a lonely, cold death,
which is no less than you deserve.
HE TRIES TO SPEAK
What can I do for you?
It is more a question
of what I can do for you.
It seems you are developing
the symptoms already.
The symptoms for what?
For a most severe and terrifying
infection
that is sweeping
through Camelot like a plague.
I haven't heard anything
about an infection?
That's because those who catch it
are immediately struck dumb.
Fortunately I have developed
a very effective cure.
Which is yours
in exchange for a gold coin?
Very funny.
Is it?
I don't hear anyone laughing.
You've never charged me
for remedies before?
Then I have clearly been a fool.
Do you wish for a cure,
or do you wish to walk around
with a face covered in boils
and your nose dripping with snot?
Boils?
Big, pussy boils.
Bigger than you've ever seen.
I'll fetch a coin.
Come on. Come on.
I haven't got all day.
A most wise decision.
You're sure this treatment
will work, Gaius?
I am quite certain of it, my Lord.
Is it really necessary
to slap my head like that?
Completely and utterly necessary.
We must restore
the circulation to the scalp.
You wish your hair
to grow back, my Lord?
Get on with it then.
Mmm...
You're the goblin!
Have you lost your mind?
No, but you have.
Or at least it's been taken over.
Don't be ridiculous.
I know Gaius as well I know myself
and you're not him.
You've got me.
How do you like my new body?
It's a bit old and creaky,
but it's ever so much fun.
It's not yours. It's Gaius'.
What have you done with him?
He's still in here somewhere.
Gaius has done you no harm.
Leave him.
All right, you've convinced me.
On second thoughts...
I think I'll stay where I am.
I like it in here.
The freedom. The gold. The beer.
Did I mention the gold?
If you hurt Gaius...
..I will kill you.
You'd be killing him!
You see the problem?
I'm him. He's me.
We're all jumbled up in here!
There have been instances
of vandalism around the palace,
and thefts.
I myself was a victim.
Unfortunately,
the thief managed to elude me.
FARTING
SHE GASPS
FARTING
Double the guard.
I want the perpetrator found.
HE FARTS
Yes, my Lord.
HE FARTS AGAIN
The council is dismissed!
FARTING CONTINUES
Now!
Gaius, is there anything
you can do to treat this?
HE FARTS AGAIN
FARTS ECHO
Tell me you didn't think
that was funny?
Not even a little bit?
A teeny, weeny bit?
If you carry on like this, you'll get
Gaius killed. You underestimate me.
I have cured Uther of his farting
and his baldness.
He is, he tells me,
forever in my debt. I am a genius!
This has to stop.
I see no reason why.
Now if you're quite finished,
I am going to the tavern.
Bord, wipstand hine!
Well, well, well.
So you have a secret
of your own, Merlin.
Leave his body...
..or you will regret it.
Your magic may be powerful,
but I have an advantage.
What's that?
I can hurt you...
Culter, ic pe hate!
..whereas you cannot hurt me,
without hurting Gaius.
I won't rest until I have found a way
to force you out of Gaius' body.
Ah, Gaius. I have been meaning
to come and see you.
I've got this terrible pain
in my leg.
It is hardly surprising when
it has to support that enormous gut.
Lose some weight, fatty.
Arthur?
Arthur...
I have to talk to you.
Arrest him.
What?
Arthur? What are you doing?
Is it true
that you are responsible for the...
afflictions that I and other members
of the court have suffered?
What?!
No.
Gaius. I found this in your room.
It's a book of spells
and enchantments.
He's lying.
That's not Gaius.
What are you talking about?
He's been possessed by a goblin.
He is reduced to making
the most desperate
and ridiculous accusations.
You seriously expect me
to believe that Gaius is a goblin?
It's controlling him.
Gaius is still in there...
..somewhere.
Do you have any proof
of these accusations?
No!
I fear that magic has corrupted you.
It pains me
more than I can tell you.
I really doubt that.
My Lord, I have been
harbouring a sorcerer. For that,
I offer the most sincere apology.
You were not to know, Gaius.
He has fooled us all.
It's not me that's fooling you.
Silence!
You've been found guilty
of using magic and enchantments.
In accordance with our laws,
you will pay with your life.
Take him away.
You clumsy oaf!
Gaius, I will pretend
that I didn't hear that.
Are you deaf as well as stupid?
I am a Knight of Camelot,
and you will show me some respect.
You are a fool
and I will show you none.
You will learn some manners,
or I will teach you some.
You may be old
but I cannot let this pass.
Arm yourself.
I'm just a foolish old man
who's had far too much to drink.
Please accept my apologies.
A flagon of ale for my friends!
Then I accept your apology.
Gaius...
My apologies again.
I don't know what came over me.
It is forgotten.
Caega, cum her!
BELLS TOLL
Argh!
Shh.
Merlin has escaped.
It seems he somehow managed
to obtain a set of keys. Escaped?
How was this allowed to happen?
Incompetence!
I didn't mean to speak
out of turn, My Lord.
Gaius is right.
This is unacceptable.
The guards should be punished.
I will see to it personally.
Search the town. I want Merlin found.
Yes, sire.
We need to force
the goblin out of Gaius.
And how do we do that?
I don't know.
I'll try to sneak back to Gaius'
chambers, may be I can find something
in one of his books. What can I do?
We need to convince Arthur.
Maybe if you speak to him,
he might listen to you.
No, I can't. Why?
After what happened in the Council
yesterday I can't ever look
Arthur in the face again.
I know, it's embarrassing.
It's more than embarrassing, Merlin.
I cannot face him, ever.
Come on, Gwen. It's not that bad.
All girls do it, don't they?
Not in public, and certainly not
in front of the man
they have feelings for.
You still have feelings for Arthur?
Not that it matters now,
because he will never be able
to look at me in the same way again.
Gwen, if Arthur likes you,
he likes you...
Warts and farts and all.
Merlin, I haven't got any warts!
Then you'll talk to him?
KNOCK AT DOOR
Ah, Gaius. Come in.
I believe you wanted to see me?
I wanted to thank you in person.
It can't have been easy for you,
exposing Merlin like that.
My loyalty to Camelot
and your father comes first.
Much appreciated. I should also
thank you for ridding me of
the most incompetent, rude and lazy
servant Camelot has ever known.
I am just sorry that you had to
suffer his ineptitude for so long.
When we catch him,
you'll see him hang.
Ah...
I shall look forward to that.
Is something wrong?
The Gaius I know would never
look forward to seeing Merlin
hang, no matter what he'd done.
Merlin was telling the truth.
HE MOANS
Arthur?
Arthur. It's Guinevere.
Can I come in?
Arthur?
Arthur?
Uh!
What's happened to you?
HE BRAYS
HE WHIMPERS
Did Gaius do this to you?
He's a goblin.
You poor thing.
HE SIGHS CONTENTEDLY
HE BRAYS
Sorry.
Merlin's working on a plan.
We'll figure out what to do.
Stay here.
Arthur's a donkey?
He has the ears of a donkey,
and the voice.
He's braying.
He's braying?
Wow.
It's not funny, Merlin.
No, no, of course not.
Arthur, with the ears of a donkey.
What's funny about that?
He just looked so pitiful.
I have never seen
Arthur look like that.
Did you find anything?
I think so.
If the host body dies,
the goblin dies with it.
So if Gaius is dying, the goblin
will be forced to leave him.
You want to kill Gaius?
Just briefly.
Once the goblin's out of Gaius
we have to trap it
in a box lined with lead,
the only container
that will hold it.
Where do we get a box
lined with lead?
Leave that to me.
Offeall aestel!
Ow!
It is the same for all of us
who were in tavern last night.
That is most unfortunate.
Please. Can you treat it?
The infection has no cure.
The itching will become
almost unbearable.
Itching? There is no itching.
There will be, soon enough.
Itching so severe it has been known
to drive men to madness.
Gaius, please.
There must be some remedy.
We will pay whatever it takes.
Hurry up.
I'm doing my best.
Gaius normally deals with
anything to do with poisons.
As soon as the goblin's out of Gaius,
you must give him the antidote.
We only have a few seconds
or Gaius will, you know, die.
He's coming!
Ah!
That's disgusting.
You've poisoned me!
You've poisoned Gaius!
Leave his body while you still can.
BUZZING
Give him the antidote!
Get back in the box.
You'll have to catch me first!
Let me out.
I promise I won't do it again.
I don't know which one's
the antidote. Which one is it?
I don't know.
He's dying!
I think it's this one.
This one!
Are you sure that was the antidote?
No.
Gaius!
Come on!
Please, come on,
you stubborn old goat!
Who are you calling an old goat?
You mean to tell me
it was you who was responsible
for the baldness, the flatulence,
the boils and Arthur's donkey ears?
I fear I was, my Lord.
Or at least the goblin was,
while I was possessed by it.
Magic has the power to corrupt
even the most honourable of men.
Indeed, though I must assure you
that Merlin was entirely innocent.
Then he is pardoned.
BANGING AND MOANING
May I suggest that is kept
where no-one will ever open it.
See that it's placed in the vaults.
Gaius...
Do you know who was responsible
for releasing the goblin
in the first place?
I'm afraid I've no idea, my Lord.
GOBLIN MOANS
Now.
Secure it now.
My Lord.
Guinevere.
The events of the last few days...
I think it would be best if we...
never spoke of them.
I don't even know what events
you're referring to.
Quite.
It's been entirely...uneventful.
I need to train my men.
I must see to these sheets.
SWORDS CLATTER
I see you've been busy
undoing the goblin's magic.
As usual, I'll get
no thanks for it whatsoever.
Seeing as releasing the goblin
was entirely your fault, Merlin,
I am not sure
you deserve any thanks.
Arthur doesn't know that.
For your sake,
you better hope it stays that way.
HE BRAYS
Merlin...
Just one more day.
HE CLEARS THROAT
It's too good.
The melee is the ultimate test
of strength and courage.
Are you sure we're talking
about the same thing?
I'm Gwaine.
The man saved my life, Gaius.
That serving boy is onto us.
Merlin should be back by now.
I think they mean
to kill Arthur in the melee.
527
00:43:00,042 --> 00:43:03,082
and a time of magic
'the destiny of a great kingdom
rests on the shoulders
of a young boy.
'His name...
'Merlin.'
Yes.
Gaius asked me to fetch a book...
The Bestiary of Gwilym of Cambria.
The Bestiary?
I haven't seen that for many years.
It will be somewhere in
the East Wing. I have no idea where.
East...
is that way.
Yeah.
Great.
GROANING
BANGING
GROANING
Onluc scrin!
Booo!
Are you going to say something,
or shall I?
You can speak?
You're a sharp one.
Ooh, aaah.
I can't tell you how good it feels
to be able to do that. And that.
And this.
Ssshhh!
I have been squished
and squashed inside that box
for more than 50 years.
Time to have some fun. Woo-hoo!
There you go!
Look, have fun, quietly...
Very quietly.
Uh-oh.
No! You are going to get both of us
into serious trouble.
Oh... Oh... Oh!
Oh, dear. What a shame. Never mind.
Right. That's it.
You're going back in that box while
I work out what to do with you.
Oh. All right.
If I really must.
WHIMPERS
In.
Oh.
Ha, ha!
Fooled you!
Stop messing around!
FOOTSTEPS
CRASHING
GOBLIN LAUGHS
Oooh!
Nah... Nah... Nah...
Maybe?
Nah.
Nah.
Nah.
(Got you!)
GROANS
SILENCE
BUZZING
No!
Bull's-eye!
Someone's going to see you!
Really?
I'm just having a little tidy up.
You want to get rid of all of this.
Nasty mess up here.
Nobody's had a brush up here
for years.
Look at it. It's all old.
Right, that's enough. I'm off.
Found it.
Ah.
BANGING
No!
No, no, no.
No! No!
None here.
Oh!
None under here either.
Merlin!
I really hope for your sake you have
a good explanation for this.
I do have a good explanation.
I'm spring cleaning.
It isn't spring,
and it certainly isn't clean.
That's because
I've only just started.
DOOR CREAKS
You wait until I've finished.
You'll be able to eat your dinner
off the floor.
Not that you'd want to.
BANGING
What was that?
Why don't I go and see and you can
make yourself comfortable.
Nearly, nearly.
Nearly, nearly,
nearly, nearly, nearly.
GOBLIN SNIFFS
Oh. No!
CLEARS THROAT
I'm really not sure it suits you,
Merlin.
That's it.
It seems you have
unleashed a goblin.
I know that face.
It's not good, is it?
Goblins are the most
mischievous of creatures.
Mischievous, and dangerous.
It didn't seem dangerous.
Believe me, Merlin.
Goblins will stop at nothing to
get their hands on the one thing
they value above all others. Gold.
DOOR OPENS
You're needed for a matter of great
urgency and extreme delicacy.
What is it?
It's my father.
I should warn you.
If you value your lives,
do not even think about laughing.
Father?
I'm behind the screen.
Only an enchantment could cause
Uther to lose his hair like that.
I have no doubt
that goblin is to blame.
We must catch it
before it does any real damage.
Did you see Uther's face?
Merlin, what do you think Uther
will do to the person responsible
for releasing the goblin?
We need to catch it.
How do we do that?
We need to set a trap.
And for that, we need gold,
and plenty of it.
GENTLE SNORING
Who's there?
(Oferbraedels ahreos!)
Oh! Oh!
Uh!
Oh! Oh!
Oh!
Guards!
Oooh!
Oh! Lovely gold.
Oh.
Oh.
Ah!
Oh!
Ohhhh! Ohhhh!
Oh! Ah!
Arghh!
BUZZING
Gaius?
Did you see where it went?
You let it escape, you stupid boy!
And now you just stand there like
a sack of potatoes! Go after it!
Go! Shoo!
Shoo!
I've searched the entire palace.
There's no sign of the goblin
anywh... What happened?
It's that pesky goblin!
You let it escape,
and it's ransacked my premises.
You've got some cleaning up to do.
Clean, clean!
Where are you going?
I am going to the tavern.
You never go to the tavern.
Then I shall see
what I've been missing.
CHANTING
Shall we arm-wrestle, or do
you require a moment to recover
what little strength you have?
HE BURPS
Oh...
You look terrible.
How much did you drink last night?
You don't look so good yourself.
What's your excuse? What?
Ssshhh!
Too much talking.
I have a head like
the inside of a drum,
and a mouth like a badger's armpit.
Eugh. A badger's armpit?
Make yourself useful.
Go to the market
and fetch my breakfast.
Away. Go!
HE BURPS
Mmm...
Gaius.
Yes, yes. What is it?
I couldn't sleep last night.
My healing bracelet has been stolen.
Oooh. A tragedy and travesty.
Whoever stole it should be hanged,
flogged and hanged again!
I was hoping you could give me
a sleeping draft.
A sleeping draft? Can't you
count sheep like everyone else?
Why are you bothering me
with such things? Shoo.
I don't know why
you are being like this.
I'm the King's ward,
and you shall do as I ask.
Ooooh.
Shall I now?
I can see deep into your heart.
And it's cold.
Cold as stone.
You play at being Uther's
loving ward, you play it so well.
You fool him, but you don't fool me.
You would see Uther dead
and Camelot destroyed.
Why would you say such a thing?
Because it is the truth.
There is evil in your heart.
I don't know what has come over you.
You were always
such a good friend to me.
I see the truth frightens you.
It's you that frighten me.
Do you not want your sleeping draft
after all, Lady Morgana?
One moment.
Sweet dreams.
Do come back and see me, any time.
Say aaahhh oooh aah ooh
ahh ooohh.
Aaahhh oooh aah ooh ahh ooohh.
He is certain to die.
Oh! I don't feel like I'm dying.
If you value your life,
you won't say another word.
It could kill you instantly. Sssh.
I believed he had a broken rib.
A broken rib that has become
infected, with a most severe
and terrifying infection
that can only be
treated by this remedy.
Alas, it's very expensive.
We do not have any money to spare.
In that case your husband will die
and you will spend
the rest of your life
in poverty and misery,
before dying a lonely, cold death,
which is no less than you deserve.
HE TRIES TO SPEAK
What can I do for you?
It is more a question
of what I can do for you.
It seems you are developing
the symptoms already.
The symptoms for what?
For a most severe and terrifying
infection
that is sweeping
through Camelot like a plague.
I haven't heard anything
about an infection?
That's because those who catch it
are immediately struck dumb.
Fortunately I have developed
a very effective cure.
Which is yours
in exchange for a gold coin?
Very funny.
Is it?
I don't hear anyone laughing.
You've never charged me
for remedies before?
Then I have clearly been a fool.
Do you wish for a cure,
or do you wish to walk around
with a face covered in boils
and your nose dripping with snot?
Boils?
Big, pussy boils.
Bigger than you've ever seen.
I'll fetch a coin.
Come on. Come on.
I haven't got all day.
A most wise decision.
You're sure this treatment
will work, Gaius?
I am quite certain of it, my Lord.
Is it really necessary
to slap my head like that?
Completely and utterly necessary.
We must restore
the circulation to the scalp.
You wish your hair
to grow back, my Lord?
Get on with it then.
Mmm...
You're the goblin!
Have you lost your mind?
No, but you have.
Or at least it's been taken over.
Don't be ridiculous.
I know Gaius as well I know myself
and you're not him.
You've got me.
How do you like my new body?
It's a bit old and creaky,
but it's ever so much fun.
It's not yours. It's Gaius'.
What have you done with him?
He's still in here somewhere.
Gaius has done you no harm.
Leave him.
All right, you've convinced me.
On second thoughts...
I think I'll stay where I am.
I like it in here.
The freedom. The gold. The beer.
Did I mention the gold?
If you hurt Gaius...
..I will kill you.
You'd be killing him!
You see the problem?
I'm him. He's me.
We're all jumbled up in here!
There have been instances
of vandalism around the palace,
and thefts.
I myself was a victim.
Unfortunately,
the thief managed to elude me.
FARTING
SHE GASPS
FARTING
Double the guard.
I want the perpetrator found.
HE FARTS
Yes, my Lord.
HE FARTS AGAIN
The council is dismissed!
FARTING CONTINUES
Now!
Gaius, is there anything
you can do to treat this?
HE FARTS AGAIN
FARTS ECHO
Tell me you didn't think
that was funny?
Not even a little bit?
A teeny, weeny bit?
If you carry on like this, you'll get
Gaius killed. You underestimate me.
I have cured Uther of his farting
and his baldness.
He is, he tells me,
forever in my debt. I am a genius!
This has to stop.
I see no reason why.
Now if you're quite finished,
I am going to the tavern.
Bord, wipstand hine!
Well, well, well.
So you have a secret
of your own, Merlin.
Leave his body...
..or you will regret it.
Your magic may be powerful,
but I have an advantage.
What's that?
I can hurt you...
Culter, ic pe hate!
..whereas you cannot hurt me,
without hurting Gaius.
I won't rest until I have found a way
to force you out of Gaius' body.
Ah, Gaius. I have been meaning
to come and see you.
I've got this terrible pain
in my leg.
It is hardly surprising when
it has to support that enormous gut.
Lose some weight, fatty.
Arthur?
Arthur...
I have to talk to you.
Arrest him.
What?
Arthur? What are you doing?
Is it true
that you are responsible for the...
afflictions that I and other members
of the court have suffered?
What?!
No.
Gaius. I found this in your room.
It's a book of spells
and enchantments.
He's lying.
That's not Gaius.
What are you talking about?
He's been possessed by a goblin.
He is reduced to making
the most desperate
and ridiculous accusations.
You seriously expect me
to believe that Gaius is a goblin?
It's controlling him.
Gaius is still in there...
..somewhere.
Do you have any proof
of these accusations?
No!
I fear that magic has corrupted you.
It pains me
more than I can tell you.
I really doubt that.
My Lord, I have been
harbouring a sorcerer. For that,
I offer the most sincere apology.
You were not to know, Gaius.
He has fooled us all.
It's not me that's fooling you.
Silence!
You've been found guilty
of using magic and enchantments.
In accordance with our laws,
you will pay with your life.
Take him away.
You clumsy oaf!
Gaius, I will pretend
that I didn't hear that.
Are you deaf as well as stupid?
I am a Knight of Camelot,
and you will show me some respect.
You are a fool
and I will show you none.
You will learn some manners,
or I will teach you some.
You may be old
but I cannot let this pass.
Arm yourself.
I'm just a foolish old man
who's had far too much to drink.
Please accept my apologies.
A flagon of ale for my friends!
Then I accept your apology.
Gaius...
My apologies again.
I don't know what came over me.
It is forgotten.
Caega, cum her!
BELLS TOLL
Argh!
Shh.
Merlin has escaped.
It seems he somehow managed
to obtain a set of keys. Escaped?
How was this allowed to happen?
Incompetence!
I didn't mean to speak
out of turn, My Lord.
Gaius is right.
This is unacceptable.
The guards should be punished.
I will see to it personally.
Search the town. I want Merlin found.
Yes, sire.
We need to force
the goblin out of Gaius.
And how do we do that?
I don't know.
I'll try to sneak back to Gaius'
chambers, may be I can find something
in one of his books. What can I do?
We need to convince Arthur.
Maybe if you speak to him,
he might listen to you.
No, I can't. Why?
After what happened in the Council
yesterday I can't ever look
Arthur in the face again.
I know, it's embarrassing.
It's more than embarrassing, Merlin.
I cannot face him, ever.
Come on, Gwen. It's not that bad.
All girls do it, don't they?
Not in public, and certainly not
in front of the man
they have feelings for.
You still have feelings for Arthur?
Not that it matters now,
because he will never be able
to look at me in the same way again.
Gwen, if Arthur likes you,
he likes you...
Warts and farts and all.
Merlin, I haven't got any warts!
Then you'll talk to him?
KNOCK AT DOOR
Ah, Gaius. Come in.
I believe you wanted to see me?
I wanted to thank you in person.
It can't have been easy for you,
exposing Merlin like that.
My loyalty to Camelot
and your father comes first.
Much appreciated. I should also
thank you for ridding me of
the most incompetent, rude and lazy
servant Camelot has ever known.
I am just sorry that you had to
suffer his ineptitude for so long.
When we catch him,
you'll see him hang.
Ah...
I shall look forward to that.
Is something wrong?
The Gaius I know would never
look forward to seeing Merlin
hang, no matter what he'd done.
Merlin was telling the truth.
HE MOANS
Arthur?
Arthur. It's Guinevere.
Can I come in?
Arthur?
Arthur?
Uh!
What's happened to you?
HE BRAYS
HE WHIMPERS
Did Gaius do this to you?
He's a goblin.
You poor thing.
HE SIGHS CONTENTEDLY
HE BRAYS
Sorry.
Merlin's working on a plan.
We'll figure out what to do.
Stay here.
Arthur's a donkey?
He has the ears of a donkey,
and the voice.
He's braying.
He's braying?
Wow.
It's not funny, Merlin.
No, no, of course not.
Arthur, with the ears of a donkey.
What's funny about that?
He just looked so pitiful.
I have never seen
Arthur look like that.
Did you find anything?
I think so.
If the host body dies,
the goblin dies with it.
So if Gaius is dying, the goblin
will be forced to leave him.
You want to kill Gaius?
Just briefly.
Once the goblin's out of Gaius
we have to trap it
in a box lined with lead,
the only container
that will hold it.
Where do we get a box
lined with lead?
Leave that to me.
Offeall aestel!
Ow!
It is the same for all of us
who were in tavern last night.
That is most unfortunate.
Please. Can you treat it?
The infection has no cure.
The itching will become
almost unbearable.
Itching? There is no itching.
There will be, soon enough.
Itching so severe it has been known
to drive men to madness.
Gaius, please.
There must be some remedy.
We will pay whatever it takes.
Hurry up.
I'm doing my best.
Gaius normally deals with
anything to do with poisons.
As soon as the goblin's out of Gaius,
you must give him the antidote.
We only have a few seconds
or Gaius will, you know, die.
He's coming!
Ah!
That's disgusting.
You've poisoned me!
You've poisoned Gaius!
Leave his body while you still can.
BUZZING
Give him the antidote!
Get back in the box.
You'll have to catch me first!
Let me out.
I promise I won't do it again.
I don't know which one's
the antidote. Which one is it?
I don't know.
He's dying!
I think it's this one.
This one!
Are you sure that was the antidote?
No.
Gaius!
Come on!
Please, come on,
you stubborn old goat!
Who are you calling an old goat?
You mean to tell me
it was you who was responsible
for the baldness, the flatulence,
the boils and Arthur's donkey ears?
I fear I was, my Lord.
Or at least the goblin was,
while I was possessed by it.
Magic has the power to corrupt
even the most honourable of men.
Indeed, though I must assure you
that Merlin was entirely innocent.
Then he is pardoned.
BANGING AND MOANING
May I suggest that is kept
where no-one will ever open it.
See that it's placed in the vaults.
Gaius...
Do you know who was responsible
for releasing the goblin
in the first place?
I'm afraid I've no idea, my Lord.
GOBLIN MOANS
Now.
Secure it now.
My Lord.
Guinevere.
The events of the last few days...
I think it would be best if we...
never spoke of them.
I don't even know what events
you're referring to.
Quite.
It's been entirely...uneventful.
I need to train my men.
I must see to these sheets.
SWORDS CLATTER
I see you've been busy
undoing the goblin's magic.
As usual, I'll get
no thanks for it whatsoever.
Seeing as releasing the goblin
was entirely your fault, Merlin,
I am not sure
you deserve any thanks.
Arthur doesn't know that.
For your sake,
you better hope it stays that way.
HE BRAYS
Merlin...
Just one more day.
HE CLEARS THROAT
It's too good.
The melee is the ultimate test
of strength and courage.
Are you sure we're talking
about the same thing?
I'm Gwaine.
The man saved my life, Gaius.
That serving boy is onto us.
Merlin should be back by now.
I think they mean
to kill Arthur in the melee.
527
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