Merlin (2008–2012): Season 2, Episode 6 - Beauty and the Beast II - full transcript

DRAGON: In a land of myth
and a time of magic,

the destiny of a great kingdom
rests on the shoulders of a young boy.

His name, Merlin.

Quick, my potion.

GAIUS: Lady Catrina is not
all she seems to be.

-She's a troll.
-She's not that bad.

GAIUS: Trolls are greedy and Lady
Catrina's like the rest of her kind.

She lusts after
wealth and power.

Uther's wealth and power.

CATRINA: There's more than one way
to enchant a man.

CATRINA:
I want you to have it.



I shall wear it always.

You may possess
some magic, wretch,

but you are
no match for me.

I now pronounce you
to be husband and wife.

You look positively foul.

(GRUNTS)

Does the enchantment hold?

It works a treat.

Uther is like
a puppet on a string.

(CHUCKLES)

What about the boy, Merlin?

He knows your secret.

Leave him to me.

(BOTH LAUGH EVILLY)



My Lord.

Darling, we are alone at last.

(CATRINA SNIFFLES)

What's wrong?

I'm sorry. It's not you.

I want this
more than anything.

This has been
the happiest day of my life.

Then what is it?

When I was forced
to flee my home,

the one thing I was able to take with me
was my family seal.

You showed it to me
when you first arrived.

It is the only surviving link
I have to my father

and now it's gone.

Stolen from my chambers.

Who could have
done such a thing?

Oh, no, please.
I don't want to cause any trouble.

Not on a day that should be
filled with such joy.

Catrina, who took your seal?

It was Arthur's servant.
Merlin.

Search the stables!
You, check the kitchens.

And alert the guard
on the south gate.

What's in there?

SOLDIER:
This way. Hurry up.

Where's Merlin?

Where he always is at this time,
working for Arthur.

What's this about?

We've come to arrest him,
by order of the king.

You need to get out of here.

-The King has ordered me to arrest you.
-What?

Catrina's accused you
of taking her seal.

But I didn't.

I don't want to know
and you haven't got time to explain.

If you value your life,
you'll leave Camelot right now.

(STAMMERS) She is a troll.

She's trying to set me up.

We've been through this.

I'm telling the truth.

-I saw her.
-(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

I don't care.
You need to leave, Merlin.

SOLDIER: Sire?

Go!

Go!

I fear he may've
slipped through our net.

You're very quick
to give up the chase.

That is because I know
my quarry is long gone.

How can you be so certain?

Despite appearances,

Merlin isn't stupid.
He must have got wind

that we were looking for him
and left.

Outwitting your
army in the process?

It appears so.

I thought your men aspired
to the same high standards

that my father
instilled in you.

When I led the army, they did.

We don't even know
if he's still in Camelot.

Could be anywhere.

And that's a good enough
reason to give up?

No, I'm not.

It's just that
I believe our resources...

UTHER: I've heard enough
of your excuses.

We both have.

I want the boy found.

Sire. My Lady.

(GRUNTING)

My plan to undermine Arthur
is underway.

(CHUCKLES)

Soon Uther will detest
the sight of his own son.

(LAUGHS)

(SNIFFING)

What's that then?

What is that smell.

-A treat.
-(GASPS)

(LAUGHS EXCITEDLY)

To celebrate.
Fresh from the stables.

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

Oh, Jonas, you do know
how to treat a lady.

(GRUNTS EXCITEDLY)

-(MAN WHISTLES)
-(HORSE WHINNYING)

Alert the rest of the guard!

Come with me.

GWEN:
They've found Merlin's trail.

They say he's heading
for the Northern borders.

I'm sure he'll outrun them.

What if he can't?

Uther won't
show him any mercy.

Try not to worry, Gwen.

That was comfortable.

A necessary evil I'm afraid.

They picked up
the trail that we left,

but it won't fool them for long.

-Then I'd better get busy.
-And Merlin, be careful,

the guards are still
searching for you.

(DOOR SHUTS)

(CATRINA GRUNTING)

Mistress, it is time.

(RETCHING)

Do I have to?

You must keep up the pretense.

I hate being like this.

So clean, it's revolting.

I can't keep it up,

this skin, this face.

I just want to claw it off.

Think of all the money
and the power,

soon it will all be yours.

(GASPS)

(GRUNTING)

(CATRINA GLUGGING)

(DOOR OPENS)

(SIGHS)

(INHALES DEEPLY)

There is
something important that I...

We wish you to address.

For too long,
the people have had it easy.

They've grown fat
off our indulgence of them.

-How so?
-We provide peace, protection, food.

They give us very little in return.

Most of our people are poor

they survive on the few crops
they're able to grow.

That is what they would
have us believe.

That's what I see every day.

We are introducing a new tax.

The people must pay for
the sanctuary that Camelot provides.

You can't!

Majority are barely able
to get by as it is.

Those who refuse to pay

will be arrested
and publicly flogged.

We've lived
this way for years,

you've never suggested
anything like this before.

Maybe not to you,

but the King confided in me

that he's been considering this
for some time, haven't you?

(MAGICAL TINKLE)

Yes, I have.

You are to begin
the collections at once.

(JONAS SNORING)

(CHANTS)

(MUMBLES GIBBERISH)

(JONAS CONTINUES SNORING)

MERLIN: I saw her drink
some of this potion

and a patch of troll skin
on her arm disappeared.

It must be pretty powerful magic
to physically change her like that.

Could you make a potion

that looks and tastes
the same as this?

I don't know...
Yes, I suppose so.

Without the troll magic,
it wouldn't have the same effect.

Exactly.

If I can replace this potion
with one that isn't magical...

Ah, so Catrina will
keep taking it,

but it will no longer work.

And she'll turn into a troll.

-Think you can do it?
-I don't know.

We have to make the switch
before morning

or Jonas will notice.

Then it's going
to be a long night.

My Lady.

My Liege.

I've brought you flowers.
Picked from the royal garden.

Oh. (STAMMERS)

They're lovely.

-Not as lovely as you.
-(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

(SNEEZES VIOLENTLY)

Are you alright?

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

No, I'm sorry.

I don't think I can keep
this up any longer.

-Keep what up?
-The lie.

I can't keep
pretending like this.

I'm beginning to wonder if you're really
the man I thought you were.

The man I fell in love with,

the man I married
was firm, strong.

In both mind and body.

Trust me,
I am all of that and more.

I fear for Camelot.

Arthur has not taken
after his father.

He is too weak
to make the hard decisions.

Then it is lucky
I am in such rude health.

Lucky indeed, but what if some
tragedy were to befall you.

-Let me worry about Arthur.
-No, I can't.

Your love for him has made you
blind to his faults.

I judge Arthur the same
as the rest of my men.

If he excels he's rewarded,

if he fails he is punished.

(CHUCKLES)

Well, as long as
you're sure of that.

I am.

Now let me take
your mind off this.

I promise our first night
as husband and wife

will be one to remember.

(GRUNTS)

(FARTING)

(SNIFFS)

(DOOR OPENS)

-MERLIN: What's in it?
-Nothing too potent.

-Rat's guts...
-Nice.

Toad paste.

-Take two toads, grind them up...
-I get the picture.

Horse dung,
crushed sheep's eyeball.

-Oh, lovely.
-Pond scum, three wolf spiders

and what potion isn't complete

without a dash
of sheep's brain.

Sounds delicious.

Good because you're going
to taste it.

-No way.
-It's completely harmless.

Uh, no. (SIGHS)

(MERLIN CLICKS TONGUE)

(RETCHES)

(COUGHS)

(GROANS)

That's disgusting.

Yes. To you,
but not to a troll.

I can't believe you
let me put that in my mouth.

Yes, now try the original.

Just a small amount
and be sure to spit it out.

(GRUNTS DISTASTEFULLY)

(RETCHES AND COUGHS)

Does it taste
roughly the same?

-Yes, it's horrible.
-Are you sure?

Because if there's too big a difference,
Catrina will notice.

It tastes exactly the same.

Let's hope she thinks so, too.

(CHANTS)

(DOOR SHUTS)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

(CHANTS AGAIN)

(MAN GRUNTING)

What do you
think you're doing?

He's refusing to pay the King's tax.

You ask for too much.

-I've given all I can.
-It's not enough.

Let me see.

Release him.

-The King said...
-Release him.

Give them back their money.
All of it.

I gave you a direct order.

The people cannot
afford to pay the tax.

Don't tell me you're naive
enough to take them at their word?

We have their loyalty,
their goodwill.

Do not forsake that

by making
unreasonable demands.

Is it so
unreasonable for a king

to expect his
subjects to obey him?

They'll starve.

(MAGICAL TINKLE)

Nonsense.

You've grown too soft.

Remember, these are your subjects,
not your friends.

Why can't they be both?

Because we rule the people,
not the other way around.

I think you're wrong.

I beg your pardon.

I said, you're wrong.

Without the people,
there is no Camelot.

We are as much their servant
as they are ours.

You allow him to address you
in this manner?

No, I do not.

It will not be tolerated.

You will take your men
down into the town,

and go to every house

collecting the payments
I demand!

I will not.

Get out of my sight.

How can he do this to me?
My own son.

After all the sacrifices
I've made for him.

You're tense.

Is it any surprise?

The lack of respect he shows...

Oh, I'm sorry, did that hurt?

(GRUNTS) No, of course not.

Your hands are
surprisingly strong for one so delicate.

Arthur carries a heavy burden.

It can't be easy holding
all that responsibility

at such a tender age.

I'm afraid that's the way
it has to be.

After all I cannot
rule Camelot alone.

Well, you don't have to.

You married me, remember?

(GRUNTING IN PAIN)

How could I forget?

I'm sorry, I can't.

I'm too worried about you.

With Arthur letting you down
the way he has.

How will you cope?

Like you said,
you can't rule Camelot alone.

I have you by my side.

(LAUGHS) I may be your Queen,
but I have no power.

Why not?

Well, the people wouldn't respect me
as they do Arthur.

I'm not heir to the throne.

Would it put your mind to rest
if you were?

Oh, it would,
it most definitely would.

Then you shall be.

The ceremony will take place
this afternoon.

(EXHALES)

(DOOR OPENS)

CATRINA: Jonas,

it's time for my potion.

Are your plans progressing
as you hoped?

Yes,
and not a moment too soon.

(GRUNTING)

I must admit though

that crown will
look rather fetching.

All that gold
and them lovely jewels.

(CHUCKLING)

Now would you care
to accompany your Queen?

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Come in.

Guinevere.

I saw what you did earlier.

The people owe you
a debt of gratitude.

The people owe me nothing.

My father is still going
to impose the tax.

Will he not be persuaded?

Not by me.
Can't stand the sight of me.

That's not true. The King loves you.

You should have heard the way
he spoke to me.

I'm sure he was angry,
but you're still his son.

Everyone appreciates
what you did.

They know you tried
and they won't forget that.

Maybe he's right.

One day I will be
the King of Camelot.

I cannot be a friend to the people
as well as their ruler.

That's not true and you'll prove it
when you become King.

You've a kind heart, Arthur.

Don't ever change.

Not for anyone.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

The King has sent for you.

-Father?
-I'm relaxing your duties,

-revoking your title.
-What?

We live in dangerous times.

I cannot allow you
to undermine my authority.

You've always welcomed my counsel
in the past.

You stood against me
for all the people to see.

I'm sorry. Any future grievance I
have will be held in private.

It is too late for that.

-Father...
-You are to be disinherited

with immediate effect.

You are no longer
Crown Prince of Camelot.

Sire, Arthur is your son,
your natural heir...

Gaius.

You always taught me
to be true to my heart,

that's all I've
ever tried to do.

To be the man you
wanted me to be,

someone you were proud
to call your son.

My decision is final.

Queen Catrina will be named
as rightful heir to the throne.

The ceremony will
begin forthwith.

(DOOR OPENING)

We've done it.
Catrina's drank the fake potion.

(PANTING)

What's wrong? What's happened?

Uther has disinherited Arthur
and made Catrina his heir.

So if Uther dies,
she will rule Camelot?

We are gathered here
to bear witness

to the naming of Queen Catrina

as the rightful heir
to Camelot.

Are you willing
to take the oath?

I am.

Do you solemnly swear
to govern the people of Camelot,

to uphold the laws
and customs of the land?

I do.

Will you, to your power,
cause law and justice in mercy,

to be executed in
all your judgments?

I will.

Will you, to the utmost
of your powers

-maintain the laws...
-Yes, yes.

I'm sorry,
you must let me finish.

The wording must be
exactly right to be binding.

Well, get on with it then!

I mean really, where'd you
dig up this old crone from?

She's right, get on with it.

Will you, to the utmost
of your powers...

Yes, yes, yes.

Maintain the laws
and customs...

-I will, I will.
-Of the land

and serve
the people of Camelot?

Yes! Just shut up
and give me the crown!

(ALL GASPING)

Will you just hurry up!

Catrina!

(PANTING)

UTHER: Catrina!

Catrina!

-UTHER: Whatever's the matter?
-I'm sorry.

I don't know
what came over me.

I just suddenly felt so hot.

Do you know, I think need
to be on my own.

-Are you all right?
-Yes, yes, I'm fine.

Really, thank you. I just...

(CHANTS)

(BREATHING RAPIDLY) Come on!

Come on! Open!

Let me.

What's that?

(STAMMERING)

(GRUNTING)

What's happening?

Somebody help her!

(FARTING UNCONTROLLABLY)

-You're a troll!
-(GASPING)

How dare you speak
about her like that?

What is wrong with you?
Look at the state of her!

(CATRINA HYPERVENTILATING)

I don't believe it.

(SNARLS)

She just ripped a door
off its hinges,

doesn't that
tell you something?

-Enough!
-She's a troll!

A giant, gray...

-Stinking.
-Stinking troll.

Stop it! Haven't you hurt
her feelings enough?

Insult my wife again
and it'll be the last thing you ever do.

I'm so sorry you had to
hear those terrible things.

He's just taking time
to adjust,

he'll soon get used to having
his stepmother around.

How could he compare
such beauty with a troll?

Search me, I washed my face
and everything.

(UTHER SNIFFS)

What is it?

It's just your scent, it's so

fragrant.

Well, it's mostly dung.

(CHUCKLES) And such
a sense of humor, too.

I was so blessed it was
my castle you came to

that I may look upon
this vision every day.

Well, beauty is in the eye
of the beholder.

-Then I shall behold it.
-(GASPS)

I wasn't aware we were
due to convene the council.

What's this about?

Come on. Someone speak up.

I'm afraid it's
your wife, Sire.

Yes. What about her?

It's a rather
delicate matter, Sire.

Gaius, you've been
my trusted advisor for many years,

you can speak as you will.

I don't suppose
it's escaped your notice, Sire,

but we just...

Just wanted to be make
absolutely certain

you do realize your wife
is a troll, Sire?

I beg your pardon.

That's the way
she looks to us,

what with the warts,
and the

-nose...
-And the smell.

The smell? What?

She also has
what appears to be

a set of fangs.

(LAUGHS) What?

(LAUGHS) I wouldn't really say
they were fangs,

more like tusks.

Yes, they are more like tusks.

Not that we're saying that's
necessarily a bad thing.

I just thought I ought
to point it out to you

in case it'd passed you by.

The next person
to insult Queen Catrina

will be charged with treason
and beheaded

according to
the laws of the land.

Uther must be enchanted
it's the only explanation.

Which is why we
have to find a way to break it.

You won't find anything
in your magic books,

troll enchantments
are too strong.

Then what are we going to do?

You must speak to the Dragon.

If there is a way to
break Catrina's hold on Uther,

he will know it.
But be careful.

Dragon's and trolls have been
close allies in the past.

(GRUNTING)

Oh. (SNIFFS)

Is everything
to your satisfaction?

Uh, no,

this thing's got
to go for a start.

(GRUNTING)

It's made for midgets,

too hard, too clean,
not my taste at all.

What can I get you instead?

I was walking through
the grounds this morning

and I couldn't help but notice

that your stables have
just been mucked out.

It seems such a waste
to throw away all that lovely dung.

(LAUGHING)

This isn't funny.

Oh, it is. It is.

The thought of Uther
marrying a troll.

Was it a very public affair?

Public enough.

(CONTINUES LAUGHING)

Don't laugh.

If she can't be stopped
Arthur won't become king.

Albion will never be born.

I'm sorry.
You are right of course.

How can we break
the enchantment?

These are not trifling tricks,

troll magic is very powerful.

There has to be a way.

The only way you could break
this enchantment

is if Uther were to cry tears
of true remorse.

How do we make him do that?

That I can't answer.

Uther's heart
is cold as stone.

He's never been
sorry for anything.

Thanks. I think.

Young warlock!

It was some time ago
you promised to set me free.

The help I give is
not unconditional.

(CATRINA LAUGHING GLEEFULLY)

That is for you.

Now tell them about
our plans, beloved.

We're introducing further taxes.

Sire, we can't.

The people have
given all they can.

You told me that before,

-and yet our coffer is full.
-(FARTS AUDIBLY)

Your people are
already going hungry.

Are you questioning my orders?

It's just...

If we take more
they'll starve.

(GROWLS)

Who are you to tell me
what's best for my people?

You will collect more taxes,

or you will lose your head.

(CATRINA CHUCKLES)

(LAUGHS EVILLY)
Lose your head! Lose your head!

I understand
Bayard of Mercia

wishes to honor our
marriage with a visit.

-Yes, Sire.
-Oh, good.

Now tell this Bayard
we expect gifts.

Lots of lovely shiny gold.

I think at this time,
it might be wise

(BURPS)

To respectfully decline
his offer of a visit.

Whatever for?

I'm still not sure
that we can trust Bayard.

Nonsense,
he is a friend of Camelot.

You will send our reply.

It will be an honor
to feast with him.

Honor.

The Dragon said he had
to cry tears of true remorse

to break the enchantment.

Well, that's not going
to be easy.

Uther's heart is
closed to everyone.

Not everyone.

Arthur.

Then there's only one
course of action we can take.

Uther must see his son die.

(EXHALES FORCEFULLY)

MERLIN: (WHISPERING) Arthur.

Arthur!

Who's there?

-Merlin!
-(EXCLAIMS)

You're back.

I never left.

-You mean to say...
-Yes.

You've been under there
this whole time.

No, of course not. No.

-Because if you were...
-I wasn't, I swear.

So... (GRUNTS)

Your stepmother is a troll, then.

If you say, I told you so...

I'm wasn't going to. I wouldn't.

But it's true that if you
had listened to me earlier then...

Sorry.

Gaius and I believe
your father's been enchanted.

We've found away
to break the spell,

but we need your help.

So your great
plan is to kill me.

No, well, yes...

Not exactly.

Gaius has made a potion

that gives the appearance
of death

without the actual dying bit.

It's fine, there's nothing
to worry about.

It'll only bring you
to the brink of death...

Oh. Only to the brink.

We haven't got a choice.

We have to make
your father cry.

He doesn't care
about me anymore.

Nonsense,

that's Catrina's influence.

I've known your father
for many years.

There's never been
anyone or anything

he's treasured
more than you.

It's perfectly safe,

a single drop
of the antidote

will reverse
the effects immediately.

Antidote, what antidote?

You didn't say
anything about an antidote.

I didn't think
it was important.

The potion will lower your
heart rate and breathing.

For all intents and purposes,
you will be dead.

The antidote
reverses the effects.

Yes,

if it's administered in time.

If it isn't?

You will be dead.

You just said it
wasn't important.

Um. Yeah. I suppose
it is a bit important.

GAIUS: Merlin will have
the antidote.

Once I've
administered the poison...

(STAMMERS) The potion.

He'll have half an hour
to get it to you.

Don't be late.

Am I ever?

Are you sure you want
to go through with this?

It's the only way
to save Camelot.

(BOTTLE CORK POPS)

Time to break
the bad news to Uther.

My boy...

(GROANS)

It was my fault,

I pushed you away.

(DABBING)

My son.

(GRUNTING)

My son.

Come away, there's nothing
you can do for him now.

I killed him.

-I killed my only son.
-No, no, no.

(CATRINA CHANTING)

Catrina?

Huh?

What kind of trickery is this?

(GROWLING) How I've suffered
these last weeks.

Allowing you to touch me,

having to share
a bed with you,

it's repulsive.

I know the feeling.

Ooh!

I've been looking
forward to this.

Guards!

(GRUNTING)

Seize it!

(SOLDIERS GRUNTING)

(GROWLING)

(ARTHUR GRUNTS IN PAIN)

Is that any way to treat
your dear old step-mother?

(GROANS)

(GRUNTS)

(CHANTS)

(GRUNTS) Oh!

(FARTING)

(CLEARS THROAT)

I'd like to thank you for

exposing this attack
on our state.

Once again, magic was used
to strike at the heart of Camelot.

You mean, your heart.

How many nights did you share
a bed with a troll?

Obviously,
I was under its spell.

(SNIGGERS)

I did many things that I regret.

Father, I really don't want
to know the details.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Merlin!

I want you to know
that I never doubted you.

Alright, maybe I did,
but it's your fault.

You have a suspicious look,
shifty,

like you've got
something to hide.

I'm an open book.

I don't believe that
for a second.

However I do know
that without your help,

I'd still have a troll
for a stepmother.

(SNIGGERS)

-Well, thanks.
-Yeah.

-Whoa!
-Whoa.

-What're you doing?
-I thought you were going for a hug.

No!

No.

DRAGON: Merlin.

UTHER: It was sorcery you saw,
you're certain of it?

Yes, Sire.

Send for the witchfinder.

AREDIAN: Your once noble Camelot
is rotten to the core.

Can you prove
that it wasn't you?

-No.
-My methods are infallible,

my findings incontestable.

The facts point
to one person alone,

-the boy Merlin.
-You're a liar.

Arthur,
you've got to stop this.