Melrose Place (1992–1999): Season 4, Episode 28 - True Fibs - full transcript

♪
♪ (tense music)

(shower running)

(giggles)

Oh!
(laughs)

Who's there?
What was that?

Someone's in the apartment.
Wait here.

Like hell.

Peter.

What in God's name--

I don't believe this.

I came by to wish you
a happy birthday.



I didn't mean
to interrupt your water play.

Are you crazy? You can't sneak
into my apartment like this.

Sorry, I should
have realized

you'd already be
on to your next boy toy.

Here's your key.

Don't forget to call first.

(door closes)
Oh.

He's a smug
piece of work, isn't he?

(laughs)
Yeah.

It's complicated.

Why don't you finish
taking a shower?

Don't I owe you
a little soap job?

You go ahead--
I gotta get dressed.

"Dear Amanda,
come Hell or highwater,



I love you-- Peter."

♪ ♪

(sighs)

♪
♪ (dramatic music)

♪ I am digging in ♪

♪ Getting nothing
back from you ♪

♪ I'm kind of mad
at you ♪

♪ I just don't get it ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You have seen
much worse than me ♪

♪ Personally ♪

♪ I'm thinking ♪

♪ It must be you ♪

♪ Not picking up
what I'm putting out there ♪

♪ It must be you ♪

♪ With wires crossed
inside you somewhere ♪

♪ It can't be me ♪

♪ 'Cause I know exactly
what I want to do ♪

♪ So it must be you ♪

♪ ♪

Your father's tired
of the games, Bobby.

He knows you've been stashing
his money someplace.

Now, you're gonna
tell us where.

Guess again,
you piece of garbage.

(laughs)

I guess
it's time to die.

(gunfire)

Are you all right, Bobby?

You came back.
(laughs)

All the money in the world
couldn't keep me away from you.

I didn't want you
to face the heat...

any heat.

Is there any heat?

What?

(Bobby)
Is there any heat
in this damn place?

I'm freezing.

(sighs)

It's warm in here.

I told you, we're roommates...

nothing else.

Hm.

Thermostat's behind the fridge.

Hey.
Hi.

Thanks for meeting me.

I didn't know
where else to turn.

What's with
the secrecy, Kimberly?

I have an office.

I know, but if I keep
coming there,

then Michael's
gonna get suspicious,

and I don't want him to think
that there's anything's wrong.

Uh-huh.

Well, obviously, something is.

What's going on?

You know those mood swings
we talked about?

See, Michael and I
have to stay together this time.

It's the most important thing
in my life.

What about
the mood swings, Kimberly?

It's fine, really,
I just...

I'm feeling a little...
closed in, you know?

I don't want him to feel like--
like I'm pushing him away,

but if you could
just, I don't know,

get him out of town
for a few days,

it would give me
a chance to settle my nerves.

Really, I love him so much,
but I need some time to myself.

♪ ♪ (soft music)

Now, Kimberly, if you and
Michael are gonna stay together,

you're gonna have to, you know,
talk about things.

Peter, you know
how he is-- please?

Please, just this once?

All right.

There is this event
that just came up

he might be interested in,
but you gotta promise me

to just take your medication
and get some rest.

And you call my service
if anything happens.

I promise.

Mm.

Thank you.

I better get back
to the house.

You don't have
to do this now.

I value your work
and your insight.

Cut the crap, Amanda.

I'm just here to get
the last of my things.

For your sake, Alison,
I hope one day,

you stop feeling
sorry for yourself

and judging the people
around you.

Who knows? You might be
able to roll up your sleeves

and work for a change.

Work?

You don't have time
for work, Amanda.

You're too busy
angling, positioning,

and selling any piece of
yourself you can to get an edge.

And it's too bad because I think
you used to have talent.

Oh, well, I'm so sorry
to disappoint you.

Listen to me--
I do what I have to

to survive in a world run

by underqualified,
Ivy League male runts.

So you go on home and lick
your little wounds.

I'll stay here
and get things done.

Well, from what I hear,
those runts

are gonna kick your butt out
and put in your bedmate Billy.

I left you some boxes.

You might need them.

You always were
an amateur, Alison.

And I'll stay that way,
just as long as being a pro

is the same as standing
on Sunset Boulevard

flagging down tricks.

(scoffs)

♪
♪ (tense music)

So you're really
doing this, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, I am.

I hope
you're all right, Billy.

Hey, I'mnot the one walking out
on the job.

Don't worry about me.

Well, I do.

I'll see you.

I'm fine, Alison, okay?

I'm the one that's in the action
making things happen.

You're nowhere--
you're ridiculous.

I'm fine.

Let's go, get busy--
where's my messages?

(Jane)
I'm happy
for the free lunch,

but what's all
the mystery about?

There's no mystery-- I just
wanted to talk to you is all.

If this is a proposal,
I think we should wait.

No, it's nothing
like that.

(sighs)

Um... nah.

But I've been thinking
about you... and me--

well, my attitude
towards you.

Actually, not you,

but, um... your business.

My business?

Jane, I'm worried about you.

I've been
by the garage lately,

and honestly, you and I
both know

the phone is not ringing.

You can't
pay your cutters.

You're stalled.
Great.

First, I was just depressed.

And now, I'm suicidal.

(laughs)
Come on.

You know
you have the talent.

It's just that you need
the other half--

the business head.

Now, you know that I don't like
Richard any more than you do,

but I met with him,
and his business is dead,

and the consulting between
the two of you wasn't working.

You went to Richard
behind my back?

You weren't gonna do it.

He wants to meet with you,
talk it out.

You would be
the controlling partner.

Any other part of my life
you want to take over, Jake?

Hell, I am so incompetent,
you might as well

run the whole thing,
and-- shh.

Make sure not to say anything--
I'm too stupid to handle it.

Damn it, Jane,
I'm just trying to help.

Now, you're letting your pride
get in the way of all this.

That's right, Jake--
I do have pride.

And I thought you, more
than anybody else in the world,

would understand that.

Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi.

(Michael)
You wanted to see me
about something?

(Peter)
Yeah, Michael--
yeah, come on in, sit down.

You know, we've
always had a--

an unusual partnership...

not always on the same,
uh, wavelength.

Hey, if you're trying
to kick me outta here,

I swear, I'll sue
your ass off.

Billy, just sit down--
let me finish.

Now, I'd like to do
something to help make us

better partners, even friends.

Last week, I received this
invitation

to an event starting
in San Diego tomorrow.

A beauty pageant.

You think judging
a beauty pageant's

gonna make us better partners?

It's "Miss Health
and Fitness."

There are medical
applications, Michael.

Besides, it's a--
a bonding thing.

Um...

Hey, you know, I'm glad you're
over the Amanda obsession

and, uh, back
to being a hound, but...

you know, I'm not into strange
babes these days.

And frankly,
I don't need the temptation.

Michael!

Come on, you need
to get away.

So do I.

Now, as senior partner,
I'm telling you--

this is not a request.

It's a guy thing, huh?

All right-- all right.

But I will tell you,
senior partner--

my wife won't like this.

When she gives me grief,

I'm gonna direct
her calls to your office.

(phone rings)

(sighs)

Hey, watch out--
the pool!

Oh, I can't get my ball!

It's okay, Tyler--
We'll get it for you.

Oh, no need to worry
about my son here.

He swims like a tadpole.

I'm Laurie, by the way.

I'm Jo Reynolds--
I live here.

I got your ball.

Thanks.

We're waiting
for Sydney Andrews.

She's not home yet.

Of course, she didn't
exactly know I was coming out.

It's kind of a spur
of the moment thing.

Do you know her? I'm an old
friend from Chicago.

Yeah, I know her-- here.

Thanks-- you know, if you could
be inside the ball,

you could go anywhere--
on the ground, in the water--

Tyler, shh.

Oh, it's okay.

You could fly.
Someone big would need
to throw you.

How long you guys
been waiting?

About an hour or so,
I guess.

Well, why don't you come
to my place to wait?

Great-- it's cold out here.

No, I don't want
to put you out.

No, I'm fine, really.

And... I have
chocolate milk up there.

Mom, come on!

Okay, we'll get
our stuff, Tyler.

♪ ♪ (rock music)

(Jake)
You're kidding--
you just walked out?

Yes, and it felt
great, Jake, it really did.

I am free of all
that overheated,

backstabbing office crap.

Now all I have to do
is figure out

a way
to pay the rent.

Well, if it's not too much
of a comedown for you,

we could probably find
a shift or two for you here.

What, are you the safety net
for the whole apartment complex?

You know, to tell you the truth,
I would love it.

Great-- well,
you can follow Cindy

or one of the other girls
around tomorrow.

Thank you.

Thanks a lot.

You know,
there's a catch, though.

You can do something
for me too.

Maybe you could
talk to Jane.

Are you two having trouble?
No, not really.

But she's mad at me,
but it's not about us.

Excuse me, could we get
a couple martinis down here?

Yeah, just a sec.

Um... I'll tell you
all about it.

But I hope
you can help me out.

I'm just trying
to help her.

Okay.

You're a hell of a boyfriend,
you know that?

Yeah, I'll be
right back.
(laughs)

(dial tone rings)

Well, Sydney's
still not back yet.

It's past 9:00.

Well, Sydney normally keeps
pretty extended hours.

Yeah, you don't
have to tell me.

We used to really party
down together...

before I was
pregnant, I mean.

Maybe I should take Tyler
and just go grab a motel room.

No.

You have a great
kid there, Laurie.

You two take my bed, and I'll
sleep on the couch tonight.

No, we couldn't--
you've been too nice already.

I insist.

So get your stuff,
and head in the bedroom,

and I'll bring Tyler.

♪ ♪ (soft music)

Mm.

Are you sure
this is all right?

I'm positive.

Peter.

I'm glad I caught you.

You're the only person I know
who works as late as I do.

Well, if it isn't
the birthday girl.

You know, I'd really love
to stay and chat,

but, doggone it...

we're closed for the day.

Peter-- Peter.

(sighs)

I can't accept this.

I thought we were clear--
we're not involved anymore.

Oh, clear my butt.

Nothing's ever clear
with you.

We're involved, Amanda.

Oh, yes, we are.

And one of these days, when
you've finished playing around

with every worthless Ken doll
you dig up,

we'll be together.

You may be 80 then, but honey,
you'll be with me.

Never happen.

Why?

Because you lie to me.

Anything I do,
I do for you.

Another lie.

You love me.

No, I don't.

♪
♪ (dramatic music)

Now who's lying?

(knock on door)

Laurie!

What a surprise!

Oh, my God!

Hon, I'm sorry for showing up
out of the blue like this,

but I totally need
a place to crash.

Remember, like, you stayed
with me a few years ago?

Right, right.

Um, what about Tony?

Oh, I left Tony
for good.

Jerk probably doesn't
even know I'm gone.

Please, Syd, it's just till
I can get my act together--

a couple of weeks max.

(Tyler)
I'm hungry, I'm hungry!

Oh, my God.

Tyler, you have
gotten so big.

Syd, maybe we could come inside
and talk it over.

What's the commotion here?

Um, just an old friend...
saying hello.

Um, do me a favor.

Flip those flapjacks.

Thank you.
(chuckles)

Um, Laurie...

it's just that my place
is really tiny.

And I just got this guy
who moved in with me.

And I would love
to have you stay here,

but... I'm sure
you understand.

Sydney, you're the only
person she knows in L.A.

Where is she gonna go?

Things are really delicate
with Bobby and me right now,

and Laurie and Tyler would just
throw him right over the edge.

Sydney, you are so lame.

No, it's-- it's fine.

Me and Tyler
will just find a hotel.

No, it's not fine.

You'll stay with me
one more night.

Come on.

(door closes)

Michael, come on, relax.

Trust me, you're gonna
have a great time, all right?

I don't think so.

Hey, guys, good to see you--
how are you doing?

Good, I just wanted to thank you
so much for helping out.

Really appreciate it.
Sure, sure.

See, see, see?
Thiswasa stupid idea.

Michael, I don't
believe you, huh?

You get free booze, you're
surrounded by beautiful women,

and all you can do
is complain.

I don't want beautiful women--
I want Kimberly.

I still don't get
why she let me come so easily.

You know, maybe she has
things on her mind.

I don't--
hey, where are you going?

I'm gonna call my wife.
Michael!

(Teri)
Hi.

I'm Teri Carson, and this
is my daughter Brandi.

She was Miss Tarzana,
and the obvious choice

for Miss Health and Fitness,
Doctor... Burns.

Are you
a real doctor? My!

That must come in very handy
when you're judging

a contest like this, your
knowledge of anatomy and all.

Yeah, right.

Listen, I have to talk
to Dr. Mancini.

Didn't anyone ever tell you
that it's rude

to walk away
from a beautiful woman?

Oh, I'm sorry,
it's just that I--

You just have to scare us
up a drink

because I don't intend
to let you out of my sight.

Go do yourself some good
with the other one.

Uh...

(telephone rings)

Hello?
Kimberly?

Man, do I miss you.

Michael, I miss you too,

but I wish
you wouldn't call.

I can't stand this anymore.

Come on--
I'll tell you what.

They have alternate
judges here.

I can be home
in three hours.

Michael, I-- I really
need to be alone.

You had the whole day
to yourself.

Please, I-- I just--
I just need some space.

I'll see you
in two days, okay?

Aw, come on, Kimberly.

Bye.

Kimberly?

Oh!
Ooh.

I'm sorry.

I was hoping I could
borrow your phone.

What?

It's a local call--
I promise.

Okay, sure, but, um...

you'll have to let go
of my hand first.

(laughs)
I'm sorry.

I'm just so nervous.

I've never made
statewide before.

Have you ever seen so many
beautiful girls?

Ugh-- I don't stand
a chance.

Do you think?

Well, you're--
you're very lovely.

I'm sure you'll do fine.

Oh, that's enthusiastic.

I hope I turn on
the judges better than that.

Actually, I am
one of the judges.

(laughs)

You are?
Mm-hmm.

How embarrassing.

Uh, please forgive me.

It's all right--
it's quite all right.

Then let me pay
for the phone call.

Um-- um, excuse me.

(laughter)

You know,
drinks have been great,

but why don't I make
reservations for dinner?

Just the two of us...

so we can get to know
one another better.

Oh, but wouldn't that--
that be illegal?

I mean--
It's perfectly within
the guidelines.

Trust me.

I've done these competitions
for years--

first as a contender,
and now as a pushy stage mother.

(both chuckle)

Well, a-- actually
I'm with my partner, actually.

I'm sure
he wouldn't want you

to miss an opportunity
like this.

Like what?

A quiet, relaxed atmosphere...

where I can share with you
what Brandi is as a person

so the final voting
won't be just skin-deep.

I think that's only fair,
don't you?

♪
♪ (tense music)

Well, how about
8:00-ish for dinner?

♪
♪ (dramatic music)

(Sydney)
So you plan
to stick around L.A.

If I can find
work, yeah.

I've got a job
interview later,

and your friend Jo said
she'd look after Tyler all day.

That is great,
but you should know

Jo has kind of a kid fixation

ever since she had
to give up her own baby.

Really? Well, maybe I shouldn't
rub her nose in it then.

Don't worry about it--
She's kind of a sap.

My advice is use her
for baby-sitting

or whatever else
you can get her to do,

and she'll stop when
she's had enough.

That's usually
when I want more.

So tell me about this meatball
you're shacking up with.

He's still playing hard-to-get.

Makes me think
I'm losing my touch.

Hey, I have a little trick
you might use.

Me and Tony,
we got matching tattoos.

After that, it was
the best sex ever.

It was, like,
this whole bonding thing.

Really?

So why did you leave
the guy?

Well, I realized
what I was bonded to.

My contract still
hasn't been renewed.

Oh, I don't believe it.

You're working here?

Oh, my God.
Making an honest living.

What a concept.

Oh, you do know
your liquor.

That was a classy
comment, Billy.

So this is the rising star
you're hitching yourself to?

This is none
of your business.

Thank God for that.

(chuckles)

You were saying.

I can't get
a straight answer

out of the board
about my contract.

I think they might be grooming
a new president.

I'm sure they don't
want to lose you, Amanda.

Your record speaks for itself.

All I am
is a file record.

I can't socialize with
Arthur Field or the board,

and-- and they don't
get to know me.

So take him out
to dinner.

It wouldn't be a guy thing
like it is with you.

You're so good at it.

What you need is some innocuous
social situation,

like, you know,
a picnic or a party.

My birthday's coming up.

There you go--
you can invite the whole board.

Hell, I'll invite them
for you.

But you'd probably want
your friends at your party.

I don't have friends, Billy.

I just have enemies
and associates.

So what am I?

That's up to you.

(Tyler)
this is fun.

(Jo)
Yeah, for me too.

You know, Mom doesn't
play games like this.

Well, your mom
is working a lot

to make money to buy you
food and things.

Do you work?

Sometimes.

Do you have kids?

No.

Are you married?

No.

How come?

I guess I don't have
a lot of patience

for the way
a lot of guys are.

I'll marry you.

(laughs)

Now, you'd be
worth waiting for.

♪
♪ (dramatic music)

Michael-- hey, hey,
what's the matter?

Um, you know,
I'm just not into this.

Well, let's go--
we'll have a drink.

How about that, huh?
Does that sound good?

No, thanks-- thanks.

I'm just gonna take
a walk on the beach.

But, look, thanks anyway.

It's nice-- see you later.

Your friend looks like
he could use some company.

Yeah, his wife.

Well, thank you
for a lovely dinner.

Oh, it was my pleasure.

I'm on four.

Care to join me?

(laughs)

Well, I'm sorry.

I have to go
to bed tonight.

That's what
I had in mind.

No-- well, I don't think
that's within

the competition guidelines.

(bell rings)

What are you doing?

Use your imagination.

Mm.

Teri, I-- I'm very flattered,

but I'm in love
with another woman.

What's love got
to do with it?

Oh, no, no, hol--
Teri, hey, hey, hey.

The alarm is ringing, people are
gonna be coming any minute now.

An hour minimum.

And if we can't beat the clock,
we can have fun trying.

Mm-- mm...

I-- I'm sorry.

I'm not used to being
turned down.

Well, no one
has to know about this.

You rich doctors.

You think you control
the world.

Me? I've never had
anything but my looks.

I was this close
to a title

when I was Brandi's age,

but nobody ever
gave me a hand.

You think I don't know
how this works?

I'm laying it
on the line for that girl.

I am her ticket
to the top.

And if dinner is all
you want, mister,

then you better know this.

What happened tonight
buys your vote,

whether it was
consummated or not.

(ringing stops)

♪
♪ (tense music)

Hi.
Hi.

I was trying to figure out
how to repay you.

For what?

For borrowing your phone.

Oh, that-- that's okay.

Forget about it.
(laughs)

Well, at least take
some interest on the rental.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You're gorgeous,
but, uh, I'm taken, okay?

Okay.
Okay.

(groans)
Hey, look.

No, you look.

This is not
your responsibility.

You weren't asking for it.

You didn't do it--
I did,

and I like doing it.

Mm, I can't--
See, you just lie there...
and do nothing.

Then, you can honestly say,
"I didn't do anything."

(moans)

I-- I-- I-- don't even
want to be here.

You aren't here.

You're a figment
of my imagination.

I'm a figment of yours.

And when we wake up,
you're gonna vote for me.

Vote for me.

Vote... for me.

(Michael)
You've gotta find
my wedding ring.

(telephone rings)

Yeah, hello?

Michael, I--
I hope it's not too early.

I just, um--

I just want to tell you
that I miss you.

Oh, you do?
Yeah.

I know I told you
that I needed some space,

but it wasn't because
of you.

I'm just-- I'm going through
some changes, and--

Oh.

I wish we could just erase
the last 24 hours.

Yeah, you and me both.

So when are you
coming home?

I'm not having any luck,
Dr. Mancini.

Well, look harder!

Uh, sorry, honey--
just as soon as I can find--

I mean, soon.

Tomorrow.

I love you, Michael.

Yeah, baby,
I love you, too.

I'll see you soon, huh?

Give me that thing.

Not that thing--
give me this.

If I don't find that damn ring,
I'm a dead man.

(knock on door)
(Jake)
Yeah?

Hey.
I don't wanna go another round
with you on this.

Look, however you want
to run your business,

that's your business.
You're right.

But I shouldn't have shot
you down when you offered me

the only sensible solution
to my problem.

Are you saying
that you changed your mind?

Richard's a lousy
human being.

But as you and Alison
pointed out,

he's a damn good businessman.

And, yes, I could benefit

from some kind
of partnership with him.

The question is have
you really thought

about what this
would mean to you?

Yeah, but you'd have more time
to work on your designs,

which would make you happy,
which would make me happy.

But I'll see more of Richard
than I will of you.

I mean, how comfortable
are you gonna be with that?

I trust you.

How much more comfortable
do I need to be?

(laughs)
Okay.

I guess I'll bite
the bullet

and call my new partner.

You know, I bet you

that he could probably
wait just a few minutes.

I bet you're right.

(both laugh)

(applause)

(Emcee)
Now, before we learn
our judges' decisions

about the healthiest,
fittest girl here...

(sighs)
What?

Please tell me
you voted for Brandi.

What do you care who
I voted for, Michael?

Well, I just think we should
be in agreement on this, okay?

Michael, this isn't
team judging.

Well, damn it,
she's the most qualified.

And now,
we're to the moment

that we've all been
waiting for.

And here's the card.

The second runner-up
in the 1996

Miss Health
and Fitness pageant...

is Miss Westwood,
Bunny Stein.

(applause)

And the first runner-up,

from the San Fernando Valley,

Miss Tarzana, Brandi Carson.

♪
♪ (tense music)

You bastard.

My daughter needed this title.

Excuse me?

Now, she'll never be
Miss California.

What was that all about?

Well, I'm sure
she'll get over it!

Poor losers.

♪
♪ (tense music)

(Laurie)
Don't you ever
do that again!

Ever!

What the hell
is going on?

Look, he was playing
with your stove.

He could've burned himself.

He could've burned
the whole apartment down.

No, I couldn't.
You don't listen.

You're gonna get punished again,
do you hear me?

It's okay, honey--
don't cry.

I give up.

Look, Jo, I'm sorry
about all the noise,

but we're gonna be out
of your hair soon.

Syd said she'd help me look
for an apartment tomorrow,

if you don't mind sitting.

No. That's fine.

You bought me six--
no, seven drinks.

So I'm drunk, and you're not--
why is that?

Because I can hold
my liquor better.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

You're trying to take
advantage of me.

I resent that.

This is just good friends
going out, having a good time.

No strings attached.

Uh-huh, I don't believe you,

but I'm too drunk
to care.

Oh, look.

Tattoo parlor.

I think I'm gonna
be sick.

Oh, come on, tough guy.

At least take a look--
what do you say?

(Billy)
You're not tired, are you?

(sighs)

No.

I'm just
not in the mood.

Any particular reason?

Why are you crying?
(laughs and sniffles)

Doesn't have anything
to do with you.

You've been wonderful.

And I don't want
to burden you

with any
of my career problems.

You're not still worried about
your contract being renewed.

I mean, it's not over
till it's over.

I'll talk to the board
myself if I have to.

Absolutely not.

Well, I'm hot right now.

They can't say no to me.

Well, I'm cold.

Don't go to the wall for me--
think about yourself.

(sniffles)

(exhales)

I'm gonna watch TV.

You get some sleep.

Billy...

Promise me you won't do anything
foolish on my behalf.

I'm not gonna
promise you anything.

♪
♪ (tense music)

(groaning)

Oh, what the--

Cool, huh?
Oh!

(groans)

Oh, I don't believe this.

I'm gonna kill you.

Well, what do you mean?

They look great,
especially the spider web.

How did you do
this to me?

Well, you made it
pretty easy,

passing out and all.

I made it through
high school, the navy,

the CIA without getting
one lousy tattoo.

And now,
two nights on your sofa,

and I'm scarred for life!

Those aren't scars.

They're works of art.

I got one too.

See? Look at mine.

That's it?

I have a mural plastered
across my arm,

and you got some speck?

(laughs)
That's not the point.

The important thing is
we shared in the pain,

experienced the same thing...

bonded.

(door closes)

(door opens)

Oh, Michael.

Oh, I never should have
sent you away.

I missed you so much.

Sweetheart, there's something
I gotta tell you.

What?

I lost my wedding ring.

I was bodysurfing-- I must've
lost it in the waves.

Oh, no.
Well, we'll just go
get another one.

Oh, what the hell?
We'll both get new ones-- today.

You lost your wedding ring?

Yeah... I'm sorry.

Oh, Michael,
that's a bad sign.

It's a really bad sign.

I mean, it's like the universe
is telling us

that we're gonna lose.

Come on, don't say that.

We're not gonna
lose anything.

Hey, you and me
are forever.

(laughter)

All right,
there she goes.

All right, speech, big speech.

Um, well, I'm not gonna talk
about which birthday this is,

but I will say
it's the fifth one

I've celebrated since
joining DD.

And, um, I'm not gonna
reveal what I wished for,

but I wouldn't mind
five more.

(laughter)

Anyway, thank you all
for coming,

and dig in!

(Billy)
That was a nice speech.

Probably fell on deaf ears.

Somehow, I don't think so.

I'd like a minute alone
with the birthday girl.

Certainly.

Billy, would you?

I'll save you
the first piece.

So is this where I get
my birthday pink slip?

No, it's not the five years
that you wanted, Amanda,

but you won't be disappointed.

(laughs)
Three years.

Thank you, Arthur.

This means more to me
than you know.

Well, I'm afraid
I can't take all the credit.

Campbell threatened to quit
unless we re-signed you.

Well, I'll make sure to give
credit where credit is due.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

♪
♪ (tense music)

So good news?

I got my wish--
a new contract.

Because of you, I'm told.

Well, just consider it
a birthday present,

which you can thank me for
later at your place.

Well, actually,
I was looking forward

to going to Peter's tonight.

You're joking, right?

No.

I just put my butt on the line
for you, Amanda.

And that was totally
your choice.

Look at it this way.

I got what I wanted,
and for a couple weeks,

you got what you wanted.

I knew it.

You were using me.

Well... that's
a polite term for it.

(Matt)
No, I'm telling you,
I feel like

a 1,000-pound weight has been
lifted off my shoulders

since Alan left.

I've got my apartment
to myself,

my-- my bathroom to myself.

My-- my stress levels
reduced to nothing.

You know, when I think
about all the time that I spent

watching the clock, waiting
for Alan to get home--

pfft, what an idiot.

Now-- now,
when he doesn't call?

I don't care.

I mean, not to mention
the fact that he's been

in New York a week,
and he hasn't even bothered

to give me his number.

Do you hear yourself
at all?

What?

You have invoked Alan's name

at least 50 times
in the last 15 minutes.

(laughs)
That's not true.

Look, even if it is,
it's just because I'm over him,

and I can talk about him with
a little objectivity now.

Okay-- so tell me
this, Matt.

If you are so over Alan,

why do you need
his phone number?

It's just a matter
of common courtesy.

This was a mistake.

Check, please!

Wait a minute-- I talk
about Alan for a few minutes,

and you're ready
to call off our date?

Yeah.

Wha--

that sucks.

Here I am trying
to figure out my mistakes,

my-- my feelings, and--
just so I can have

a successful relationship,
and what do I get?

A bunch of guys who
can't deal with anything.

I mean, they just want
what they want,

and to hell
with everyone else.

You know, I oughta try
that for a while.

To hell with everyone else
except for me.

You really need to get
a hold of yourself.

Yeah, and you need
to get lost.

(doorbell rings)

I considered calling, but I
didn't want to take the chance

that you might
not see me.

Where's your sidekick?

Oh, I'm not seeing
Billy anymore.

Really?

And is that supposed to have
some effect on me?

Maybe.

Being with him made me
miss you

in a way that I--
I can't really explain.

You know, I can't
keep up with you.

You could try.

(doorbell rings)

Excuse me-- don't change
your mind while I get that.

(laughs)

Yeah?
You bastard.

You had sex
with my daughter.

Let-- let go of me! How did
you find out where I live?

What's going on?

Your friend here seduced
a 17-year-old girl--

a virgin-- and he's
not gonna get away with it.

You need to have
your head examined, lady.

My lawyers are filing suit
in the morning,

charging you with
unlawful sexual intercourse,

corruption of a minor--

You're suing me
because I didn't vote

for your daughter in that stupid
beauty pageant!

This is absurd!

If I were you,
Dr. Burns,

I'd start coming up
with a more credible defense.

See you in court.

You're nuts, lady--
you hear me?

You're nuts!

You slept
with a 17-year-old?

No!

You could see
the woman's a psychopath!

Amanda, Michael and I were
judges at a beauty contest.

I am such an idiot!

Amanda!

You're not gonna believe
this woman, are you?

I love you-- why would
I wanna be with anyone else?

The whole time I was
at this beauty pageant,

all I could think of
was you.

I can't believe that in
a moment of weakness,

I almost let myself
get sucked back

into your sick, twisted world.

Amanda, wait.

(engine starts)

Amanda!

♪
♪ (somber music)

Okay, Tyler,
it's time for your bath.

I don't want to.

Tyler, your mom says

you had to have a bath
before you go to bed.

Water scares me.

How about water with bubbles?

Yeah.
Yeah, okay.

I'll get the bubbles then
if you start to get undressed.

I'm stuck.

(laughs)
Come here.

(groans)

How di--

Ouch.

How did you get
this bruise?

I don't know.

Tyler, tell me
how you got that bruise.

I don't know-- I'm gonna
go get Buddy Bear.

♪
♪ (tense music)

♪ ♪ (rock music)