Melrose Place (1992–1999): Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot - full transcript

Good morning, Los Angeles.

It's 7.30 a.m.
in the City of Angels

and the temperature today
is expected in the 80's.

It's 72 degrees under sunny skies

with air quality
in the unhealthful range.

Traffic into the city is moving well
except for the 405...

Nat?

Natalie?

Nat, it's your turn
to make the coffee.

Natalie.

Nat.



Oh, God.

- Ran out of coffee?
- Natalie is gone.

- She and her things disappeared.
- Maybe she was kidnapped.

- C'mon, Matt. Who would want Natalie?
- Space aliens.

You read about it all the time.

Thank you for your help.

Give me a break, Alison.
It's 7.00 in the morning.

Jake, have you seen Natalie?

- Natalie?
- My roommate. Is she in there?

Why is it that every time
a girl doesn't show up at night,

- people think she's in my apartment?
- Is she?

No.

- Hi.
- Don't tell me. The plumbing again?

- Natalie ditched me.
- What do you mean?



She took off
and she stuck me with the rent.

- Are you sure?
- She didn't say anything to you?

The plumbing again?

Natalie moved out on Alison
in the night.

Michael, can you tell the owner
I can only pay my half this month?

I don't think so.
Was Natalie's name on the lease?

- No.
- Bad move.

Can you stall for a few days,
until I can find another roommate?

Stall? This is real life.
You just can't stall on the rent.

Look, I finally got a job
after three months, my savings are gone.

I'm living on soup
until they issue me a check.

I just don't have it.

Well, you'll just have to get it.

This is the worst thing
that's happened to me.

You should spend a night with me
at IA County Emergency,

learn some simple lessons
about real human suffering.

- Michael.
- No, no, he's right.

I'm an adult and I'm
gonna have to deal with it.

I'll have to find a roommate.
I don't know...

- I'm sorry.
- Come on back to bed, hon.

Hey, hey, Alison.

Listen, I'm running.
I'm teaching cardio-funk in ten minutes.

- But I saw the whole thing.
- You did?

Home girl snuck out
around 5.00 this morning.

- Stuck you with the rent and bills?
- Yes.

I knew it when I saw her
dragging all those suitcases.

- Why didn't you stop her?
- What was I to do, call the cops?

- It was none of my business.
- I don't understand.

We lived together three months.
Thought she was my friend.

I never trusted her.
Kept promising to take my class.

"Rhonda, I'm gonna be there,
I swear."

- Please. She would die.
- I don't know what I'm gonna do.

If I don't find a roommate
I'm sleeping in my car.

Don't worry.
Just place an ad in the paper.

A thousand people move into this town
every day.

- I hope you're right.
- Well, of course I'm right.

How do you think I ended up
living with Sandy?

Just don't be too picky
and you won't have a problem.

"Down to earth female,
professional, 23, fun and neat,

seeks other non-smoking drug-free
career-oriented female under 30

to share two bedroom apartment
in Hollywood. $400lmonth.

References a must."

It's too elitist.

"Female seeks non-smoking female,
any age

to share two bedroom apartment
in Hollywood."

God, I'm desperate.

Damn it!
Why don't you watch what you're doing?

I'm sorry!
I didn't see you.

Look, it's just a ding.

There's no such thing
as just a ding on this car.

Christ, it'll probably cost
a grand to repair.

- I am so sorry.
- Aren't you the new receptionist?

- Alison Parker.
- Oh, Hal Barber.

I know.
I've seen your name a lot here.

You've done some
incredible ad campaigns.

- I just hope I'm that good some day.
- Thank you.

Thank you.

We've never met.
I've put calls through to your office.

- None from my wife, I hope.
- I wouldn't know.

Excuse me.

I only say that because we're divorced.
Three months.

- She got the house. I got the car.
- Sorry.

D & D.

I don't think he's in yet.
May I take a message?

- I'll see you around.
- I'm sorry about the car.

No, I'm sorry.

- Kelly, you can't park here.
- I know. You guys go ahead.

- I'll be back to pick you up.
- Why?

Jake lives around the corner.

Don't you think
if Jake wanted to see you he'd call?

- You've left enough messages.
- Maybe something happened.

Like he permanently
lost your number.

David, just shut up.

I'm sick of hearing about him.
It's all you talk about.

Donna, you saw us
at my mom's wedding?

I don't think he would blow me off
without an explanation.

Well, Dylan did warn you.

I'm so sick of hearing people say,
"I told you so."

- It is my life, OK?
- Fine.

- Just go.
- Just don't strand us here.

- Good luck.
- Thanks.

- Good morning.
- Mornin'.

He's not home.

Could you tell him
that Kelly stopped by to say hello?

Sure. And how do you know Jake?

He did work on my mom's house.
We got to know each other.

And what is it that you do, Kelly?

- I'm in school.
- In college?

- High school.
- High school.

And you're a friend of Jake's.

Well, I'll be sure to tell him
that you stopped by.

Thanks.

Bye, now.

Hi.

- God, you scared me.
- Are you Alison Parker?

- Yep, maybe, who are you?
- Billy Campbell, a friend of Natalie's.

Oh, then I feel sorry for you.

- Natalie doesn't live here.
- I know. She told me she was moving.

She did? Well, how nice that her friends
got some advance notice.

That's why I'm here.

I was shooting pool,
and Natalie and I started talking.

I was telling my buddy if I didn't move
out of my parent's place

one of us was going
to have an accident.

It's been 22 years,
all the way through college

and we've had it with each other.

My insurance premiums eat up my money.
I had to make a choice.

It was live with my parents and drive,
or get my own place and take the bus.

Both of which, you'll agree,
are heinous propositions in this town.

Can you imagine if I had a date
and picked her up on the bus?

I'd take her back
to my parents' place,

where we'd end up making out
on the same narrow squishy bed

- I've kissed girls on since 8th grade.
- What is your point?

The point is, I couldn't date.
Either way, it was too humiliating.

I'm starting to feel like this
sexually repressed,

totally frustrated newt.

The other night
I was spilling my guts to my buddy

and I was dangerously close
to just emasculating myself,

and then Natalie, this dark angel,
this girl I'd never even met before,

pops in out of nowhere and says,
"I know a place that's gonna be vacant."

I was like, "Where?"
And she said, "Here."

She told me all about you,
your insane doll collection,

your claustrophobia, and the fact
that you yelp in your sleep.

Look, I don't know who you are.

I don't know what you are doing here.

But if you think for a second that
I am gonna live with some strange guy

who shows up on my doorstep
regurgitating nonsense

about girls he kissed
in eighth grade,

whose only character reference
is Natalie Miller,

who I believe to be the most evil person
ever to mess up my life,

well, you've got
another thing coming, bud.

Can I at least take a look
at the place?

- I just might fall in love with it.
- No!

What I want you to do is leave.

Fine. It probably wouldn't have
worked out anyway.

You're uptight, high-strung,
over judgmental.

It'd be like living with my mother.

That is not true.

Here. Here's my phone number.

Give me a call if you can't find anybody
or change your mind.

Yeah, don't count on it.

Excuse me.

Before you flirt with women here,

maybe you should worry about
the high school girl.

The one who's been hangin' around the
apartment waiting for you to turn up.

What are you talking about?

I don't know, what was her name?

- Was it Kimberly? Katie?
- Kelly.

- That's it. Jake, how could you?
- I didn't.

- She's not even 18.
- Listen, I didn't.

I really do believe
that you're a smart man.

Somehow I get that.
But when it comes to women,

you just don't think with your brain.

I know that from experience, remember?

- You probably don't.
- Of course I do.

First week after I moved out here

you were romancing me so hard
it nearly turned me inside out.

And then one week later I hurt so bad
from being dumped my body nearly ached.

It would have been fine for us
if I never had to see you again.

I think it slipped your mind
that I lived right next door.

What ever happened to
"Love thy neighbor?"

That's cute, Jake.

See, I can joke about it now,
cos I'm over it.

But that girl I saw today,
she wasn't joking.

She's got some serious feelings for you

and sooner or later,
she's gonna catch you at home

and you are gonna have to deal
with the consequences of your actions.

Save it for your acting classes, Sandy.

- I'm here about the apartment.
- You know, I don't mean to be picky

but my only request
was for a non-smoking roommate.

Well, I'm down to a pack a day.

This is so weird.

I had a dream
that I was living with you.

Only you were my mother,

you caught me making love
with my boyfriend.

And I felt so much anger towards you
for invading my space like that.

- Pat Mitchell.
- I'm sorry.

- I'm looking for another female.
- I will be next month.

I'm Ida Felsher.

I'm sure you were expecting
someone younger.

How's your plumbing?

- Hi.
- Hi.

The owner dropped off
this eviction notice.

Michael, you can't be serious.

Write a bad check if you have to.
Before it bounces you'll find somebody.

Bounce a check?
That's against the law.

Well, it's not grand larceny,
it's just a little floater.

Jane and I don't want to see you leave.

Look, I'll find somebody by tomorrow.

I've got a lot of possibilities
and something's just gotta work out.

- Sandy.
- Alison, hi!

What are you doin' here?
Are you on a manhunt?

No. Yes, actually, I kinda am.

Let me give you a few tips.

Tighter jeans.
A little bit more make-up.

And a lot more attitude.

No, no, I'm not on a manhunt.

No. Trust me, it really works.

I mean every man in this place
wants to sleep with me,

and beauty's only half of it.

What you've gotta do
is you gotta learn how to play a role,

and you'll become that person.

Sandy, I'm looking
for a very specific person.

Billy something.
He plays pool here.

There he is.

I've seen him here before.
He's cute.

- What's going on between you two?
- Nothing. Nothing.

I just want him to move in with me.

Well, waste no time Alison, honey.

You just better
get his name straight first.

You're making this
way too easy on me, man.

- Hi.
- No wonder.

- You know, you're just bad vibes.
- I am not.

If you're looking for clues about
your roommate, I haven't seen her.

No, I'm not.
Actually, I'm looking for you.

Let?s give it a shot.
What the hell, you know?

If it doesn't work out,
you'll move, right?

It's too late.
I already found another place.

- You didn't.
- You're right, I didn't.

- I was just testing.
- Testing?

Yeah, to see if you really want me.

- Forget it.
- I can move in tomorrow.

Fine. I'll take the morning off.

Can I bring anything? Champagne?
We can toast our new relationship.

No, Billy. Just bring the check.

Michael?

Dr Mancini.

Paging Dr Mancini.

- I have to be at work in an hour.
- OK.

- What time are you gonna be back?
- Late.

I got the night shift.

Look, I know they're killing you
and the hours are crazy,

but they're gonna be
for a couple of years.

But can't you save
a little energy for us?

Wait a second.

Are you insinuating
I'm not fulfilling my husbandly duties?

Michael, don't you get horny anymore?

- Door.
- Ignore that.

- Ignore it.
- I can't. Maybe it's important.

Damn it!

- I've got the rent.
- Congratulations.

- My check and his check.
- Oh, and who's he?

That's him. Billy!

I want you to meet Michael Mancini.

- He manages the building.
- Nice to meet you.

Good timing.

The owner wanted me
to change the locks.

Are you serious?

If you haven't realized, the man
basically lives to torment us all.

Anyway, welcome.
It's a pretty nice building.

The natives are weird,
but they're friendly.

- I'm right at home then.
- I make a few simple requests.

One, you pay your rent on time.

Two, you never knock on this door before
8.00 a.m. Unless it's an emergency.

And three, you don't pee in the pool.

Rules to live by.
Now if you'll excuse me...

He seems nice.

- He's not your boyfriend, is he?
- No!

Just checking.

- Sandy, you up?
- No.

It's almost noon.

Listen, Alison has got a new roommate.

And let me tell you,
he has got it goin' on.

- I know.
- What do you mean, you know?

You don't know nothing.
You spend so much time sleeping

with these funky shades
over your eyes,

I think I'm cohabitating
with Dracula's wife.

Get up! There's a big bright world
out there, Sandra Dee,

and you're missing the whole thing.

His name is Billy Campbell.
He's around six feet tall.

Brown hair, nice eyes and he can't
shoot pool to save his mother's life.

- How did you know all that?
- Miss Rhonda,

I've told you,
daytime is just a dress rehearsal.

Anything, and I mean anything,
worth knowing happens at night.

Excuse me.

It's OK. I was just hot.

I'm sorry, you know,
I guess I'm just nervous.

I've never lived
with a strange guy before.

Yeah, well, I've never lived
with a strange girl before.

So, have you told your parents yet?

- Not yet.
- They'll love me, I'm sure.

- It really doesn't matter.
- You can say it doesn't,

but you know deep inside,
you want their approval.

- Maybe we should talk about privacy.
- What do you mean?

Your room, my room.
Neither of us entering without knocking.

That goes without saying.

But now what happens when
I bring a babe home and you know,

- and we're going at it?
- What are you talking about?

- My social life.
- Wait a minute.

You're not gonna be bringing
girls back here, are you?

Hopefully, yeah.

- And where am I supposed to be?
- I don't know.

Maybe in your room reading?

While you and some bimbo
are going at it on my couch?

- I don't think so.
- So suddenly now she's a bimbo?

All right.

But no more than one night a week.
And that goes for both of us.

OK.

Come here.
I want to show you something.

The top two shelves are mine,
the bottom two shelves are yours.

That way there's never any confusion.

- You put your name on everything?
- Just my stuff.

What if I'm dying for peanut butter
and I'm all out?

I find it hard
to control myself around food.

Then there's a 24-hour market
up the block.

The stove is gas.
We'll split the utilities.

I can't have any
of your peanut butter?

- Even if I have a craving?
- I'd prefer if you didn't.

Let me ask you something, Alison.

- Do you take baths?
- Of course I take baths.

I don't. I take showers because
baths use up too much hot water.

It takes an awful lot of gas
to heat that water.

- What are you saying?
- You pay for your food, I pay for mine.

You pay for your hot water,
I pay for my hot water.

OK, Billy.
You can eat my peanut butter.

Just a spoonful here and there
in case of an emergency, OK?

You can have some of mine
if you run out.

- It's not that picky an area for me.
- I don't want your peanut butter.

Oh, before I forget.

Above and beyond
everything I've told you,

you've got to remember
one very important thing.

Always, always leave
the toilet seat down.

- OK?
- Cool.

Hey, Matt! Matt! Matt!

Have you seen Alison's new roommate?

- Alison's got a new roommate?
- Where have you been?

- Working.
- I know, I haven't seen you all week.

What are you doing Saturday?
We could catch a movie.

I'd love to. But I'm leading a program
over at the shelter.

"How to enjoy a drug-free Saturday."

I'm leading my own program,
"How to survive a date-free Saturday."

- What are you guys doing?
- Going bowling.

- Bowling?
- Bowling.

Most of those kids have never
picked up a bowling ball.

I think that they're gonna have a blast.
You wanna join us?

Come on. Just you and me
and 15 street kids. It'll be great.

Maybe we could get married,
we adopt all these kids.

Like Lucille Ball did in that movie.
What was it?

Yours, Mine and Ours.

That's him.
There he is. Hi, Billy.

Hi, I'm Rhonda, and this is Matt.

- Welcome to the building.
- Thanks. It's nice to be here.

- He's cute.
- Don't try it. I saw him first.

Come here.

- How's the unpacking?
- Fine. I think I got everything in.

- What exactly do you do, anyway?
- I'm a writer.

- A writer? What kind of a writer?
- A novelist.

You mean like Jackie Collins?

No, I mean like Norman Mailer.

- You don't know who he is, do you?
- Of course I know who he is.

I graduated at the top of my class
at the University of Wisconsin.

- Have you sold anything?
- What'd you say you do?

I work at D & D Advertising.

Yeah? Well, what exactly do you do
at D & D Advertising?

Basically, I assist executives.

And I serve as a conduit of information.

- And you answer the telephones?
- Basically, yes.

You took your honor?s degree
and parlayed into a receptionist's job.

- You're a dreamer.
- I'm not a dreamer.

- I'm doing it.
- Whatever you say.

Did it ever occur to you that maybe,
maybe they just hired you

because they like the idea
of a cute girl taking their messages?

I am not cute.

All right, I am cute.

But I don't think they hired me
because of my looks.

I think that's
a lousy thing to say.

But it doesn't surprise me,
coming from the next Norman Mailer,

who, incidentally, hates women.

I was just wondering.

- Kelly?
- Jake.

Why didn't you return my calls?

I left a bunch of messages.
Didn't you get them?

Yeah. I was just busy
working on this house.

Jake, if you don't want to see me,
that's something I'll have to deal with,

but don't you think you owe me
some explanation?

Three weeks ago you show up
at my mom's wedding

and you say let's try to make this work.
The next thing I know you disappeared.

I was there as your date.
I don't remember us planning our future.

- Don't say you didn't feel anything.
- What do you want me to do,

spend my summer hanging out
at the Beverly Hills Beach Club?

I don't know.

But I just wish you'd stop avoiding me,

because it's making me crazy.

- Just leave me alone, OK?
- Calm down, OK?

I was worried about you.
I thought something had happened to you.

How could you do this to me?
You know how I feel about you.

I'm sorry.

I guess I just don't know how
to deal with it.

If you think I'm just some
stupid lovesick teenager

making a fool of myself,
then just tell me and I will leave.

But if you really feel something
for me, and you're afraid

because you think you're too old
and I'm too young,

well, I don't care what anybody thinks
about us, Jake,

- and I don't know why you do either.
- I don't.

- I'm just trying to do what's right.
- What's right is what you feel.

Otherwise, you're just
lying to yourself.

Sometimes you gotta lie to yourself
to keep life running smoothly.

I see.

- I'll just go home, OK?
- OK.

- I won't bother you anymore.
- Kelly!

I hate moral dilemmas.

What's the problem, Jake?

Don't you think I'm pretty?

No, the problem is that...

...I think you're beautiful.

OK.

How about dinner tomorrow night?
Nothing fancy. Just a place I know.

Do you mean it?

Am I gonna walk out of here
and never hear from you?

No.

I don't think either one of us
is gonna get off that easy.

So, Alison,

a male roommate with nice legs.

- Girl, I think you got the right idea.
- I'm not so sure.

What's the problem?

Hair in the sink,
jockstraps on the towel rack,

and that "guy" smell that I guess
just goes with the territory.

- Sounds like paradise if you ask me.
- Would you check my make-up?

He had the mirror so steamed up
I couldn't see what I was doing.

- You look great no matter what.
- Thank you.

And leg down.

Give me arm, arm, arm.

And head, and head.

Here we go.

And rock it out.
And rock it out.

And rock it out.

Let?s kick ball change and press.

And press.

And over one, two, three, four.

And left, two, three.

Looking good, Nikki.

Work.

And switch down.

- How many?
- Two.

- Who's it for?
- You.

Yeah. Here we go.

And pump it up.
And two.

So are you getting any of this?

I'm trying.

And plie round.

- And I beat ya.
- All right.

All right, everybody,
let's warm it down now.

Follow me, and over.

Three, two, one...

Plie together.

And roll up two, three.

And breathe.

OK. Thank you.

I'll see you back here next week,
same time, same place.

Lookin' good.

You're hanging in there too.

- I haven't seen you here before.
- I'm Daniel. It's a nice class.

Thanks.
You look like you could use this.

Thanks.

- You smell good.
- Come on.

- Seriously.
- Give it back.

Not on your life. I'm taking this home
and I ain't never gonna wash it.

- C'mon.
- Look,

let me keep it
and I'll take you out to dinner.

This is beginning to sound
a little too kinky for me.

That depends on
which restaurant we go to.

Look, I don't even know you.

So get to know me.

OK.

Fine, sure. Why not?

- Friday night? Cafe Luna?
- Yeah, I know the place.

Listen, Daniel, where'd you
hear about my class anyway?

Just about every cute girl in this town
says she owes her body to you.

So I figured I'd go straight
to the source.

You know, I'm not so sure
about this after all.

Hey, wait, wait. I was kidding.
That was a joke.

That was a stupid joke.

I'm sorry.

OK, OK.

- I'll meet you there.
- All right.

- Nice class.
- Thank you.

Damn.

D & D.

Hi, call for George on three.
Thank you.

- And how's my favorite door basher?
- Hangin' in.

- And how's my account exec?
- Crazed as usual.

- Hey, you might be able to help.
- Anything.

We just got the Canyon Country
Cooler campaign.

Now the demographic we're targeting
is early 20's,

so I promise not to sue for damages
if you'll fill out this questionnaire.

I'm not gonna get
graded on this, am I?

- No, but honesty counts.
- Bye-bye.

- Jane, where are you?
- In the back.

- You gotta help me.
- What's wrong?

- This guy asked me out on a date.
- Rhonda, that's wonderful.

Wonderful? It's fabulous.

The problem is, I'm going through
my closet and it's a nightmare.

Let?s find you something.

Something I can wear and return later
for a full refund.

I didn't hear that.

If you don't like it, the tags are on it
and it's in good condition...

Thank you, you're great.

It must be great being married,
and not have to worry about dating.

It's wonderful
when I get to see my husband,

but when I'm home, he's at the hospital,
when he's home, I'm working.

Yeah, but I don't know,
you're unbelievable.

- No, no, no, you're superwoman.
- No, I'm not.

I've just made some choices,
that's all.

You gotta know how lucky you are.
You found the right person.

I don't know
if I'll find the right person.

During the day I see so many men,
driving next to me, taking my class,

and they seem so far away.
I don't know how to reach them.

Sometimes I get the urge to go up
to some guy in the market

who's next to me and go,

"Excuse me, are you him?
Are you Mr Right?"

- But I never do.
- Rhonda, it's not that complicated.

- You know, I think you just know.
- Yeah, maybe.

I see how love happens
to most couples.

Like people catching the flu
from each other.

I don't understand
how the disease is spread.

Oh, my God, this is it!

Try it on.

How can you go out with Jake
after the way he treated you?

Yours is not to understand.

Yours is to lie to my mother
about where I am.

I know, but why can't you
tell her the truth?

She wouldn't let me go.
You know that.

- Maybe she's right for once.
- Donna, what do you have against Jake?

I just don't think he's right for you.
I am entitled to my opinion, aren't I?

Yes. I don't know.

There's something about him
I can't let go of.

What?

His voice, his hands,

the way he looks at me.

Have you ever been thrilled by a guy?
Like right down to your toes.

I don't know.

I want him.

I mean, I know he's older,
but I think he needs me.

Does that sound weird?

I don't know. I guess not.

What are you doing?

Practicing.

- Practicing?
- My dance steps.

Why?

This is a little embarrassing.

You see, I don't quite support myself
with my writing.

In order to move out of my parent's
place I had to get a job.

I wanted a job
to leave my days free to write,

and give me enough money to get by.

It was really hard to find that.

Billy, what is it you do for a living?

I teach dance at Arthur Murray.

- You are a dance teacher?
- What is so funny?

I'm sorry. I guess I just don't see it.

Well, neither did I, but when
you're desperate, you're desperate.

So I went in there
and lied about my experience,

which is seventh grade cotillion
and a lot of Fred and Ginger movies.

I bought a book with the basic steps.
I'm one lesson ahead of the class.

And you think
I am wasting my education.

Actually, I was wondering
if you would practice with me.

- I don't think so.
- Why not?

Billy, I will live with you,

but that does not mean
I have to dance with you.

- Get it?
- Yeah. Is it all right?

That's good. Let?s go.

Welcome to my home away from home.

Good food. Good music.
Lousy service.

- Hi, darlin'.
- Hi, darlin'.

What'll it be for you two?
A beer and a chocolate milk?

- Just make it two chocolate milks.
- I'm just teasing.

I don't mean to be sticking my nose
in where it doesn't belong, but he's...

Sandy, give us our drinks.

We don't have chocolate milk.
That was a joke, stupid.

- I'll have a coke.
- And I'll have a beer.

It's your life.

- What's her problem?
- Got a couple of weeks?

- You know, I don't really care.
- Good answer.

- I do not believe this.
- What?

Busted.

- How did they know you'd be here?
- I told Donna where I was going

so she could cover for me
in case my mom called.

- You're keeping this from your mom?
- I have to, OK?

She would kill me if she found out.
Just wait.

Donna, come with me please.

It's just turning into a regular
sweet 16 party over here.

What can I get you boys to drink?

- Whatever's on tap.
- Ditto.

Well, I'm afraid
I'll have to see some I.D.

Two cokes.

- You're hurting me.
- What're you doing here?

- I'm just worried about you.
- Why?

He's too old for you, you have nothing
in common and you're obsessed.

I am not obsessed, OK?

What is going on between us
is something you don't understand

cos it's none of your business.

It is when I have to lie to your mother

and David has to lie to his father
about where you are.

One thing you should know
if you date Kelly,

her friends are never far behind.

There's more where we come from.

Look, I see what you guys
are trying to do.

But don't you think Kelly
can make her own decisions?

Jake, I have just decided
if you're gonna date high school girls,

I'm gonna date high school boys.

Starting with this one.

You're cute.

- Steve Sanders.
- Hi, Sandy.

- So, where y'all from, anyway?
- Beverly Hills.

Beverly Hills.
Handsome and rich.

- Is she from Beverly Hills too?
- Yeah.

Well, I do believe
I'm beginning to get the picture.

Sandy's an actress.

- Don't believe anything she says.
- Shut up, Jake.

You know, my mom's an actress.
Samantha Sanders.

Like the Samantha Sanders
from The Hartley House?

Oh, my God.

Well, I would just do anything
to meet her.

Let me give you my phone number.
Maybe you can drop by this weekend.

Kelly, what do you say
we get out of here?

Hey, guys, thanks for coming by.

Come on.

Jake, I'm sorry, really.
I had no idea that was gonna happen, OK?

You should go home
with your friends.

- What? Why?
- Because they're right.

Because you belong with them.
You don't belong with me.

- I don't wanna complicate your life.
- What about what you said?

- About not hiding your feelings?
- I'm not. I told you how I feel.

I don't think right now's
the best time to act on it.

Jake, wait!
What about everything we talked about?

Come on, Kelly, I've got
a world of experience on you.

I've got a lot of age on you.

Kelly, I have problems
that you don't even know about.

I think your friends
are smarter than we are.

And maybe they're not.

Dylan was right about one thing.

He said you had a great heart
but you didn't know how to open it up.

Maybe you think I'm just a kid, but
I thought I could help you with that.

- Michael?
- God, I'm beat.

- Hi, doc.
- Oh, thanks.

- You smell great.
- Thank you.

So, what's all this?

It's called dinner, Michael.

The time when married couples sit down
and relax over a nice meal and talk.

Where did you discover
this information?

Something told me that if we don't
spend some quality time together soon,

- we're gonna be headed for trouble.
- Are we in trouble?

I don't know.
What do you think?

Geez babe, I sure hope not.

Because when the day's stretching
to 18 hours,

and I've had my butt kicked
by every egomaniacal physician,

when I've seen so many people
turned inside out

I have trouble looking at people
without seeing their internal organs...

- I don't want to hear it.
- I'm sorry. The point is...

...when things get rough,
I think of you.

You are what keeps me
going out there.

Oh, Michael.

- Ignore it.
- Damn it.

- Ignore it.
- I can't.

Who calls at 11.00
unless it's important, Michael?

Hello?

Hi, Mr Kay.

Just a minute.

Mr Kay. Something about
a rent check bouncing.

Hello, Mr Kay.

Yeah, fine, how are you?

No, no, I didn't know that.

- Who is it?
- I don't know.

Michael, what's wrong?

His rent check bounced.

- What?
- That's impossible.

Or improbable at the very least.

Get me a cashier's check
by tomorrow morning.

Mr Kay thinks we're toying with him.

- He doesn't like to be toyed with.
- Tomorrow morning. You got it.

- OK, good night.
- Sorry.

You wrote a bad check?
How could you?

They don't pay me until next week.

I figured I could get the money
into the account to cover the check

- before the owner cashed it.
- Well, I guess you thought wrong.

Alison, it's a temporary
financial setback.

- I mean, have a little faith.
- This may come as a shock to you,

but I'm not living with you
on the basis

of your good looks
and sparkling personality.

I'm living with you because you promised
to come up with your half of the rent.

I will get you the money, OK?
It's not that big a deal.

Maybe not to you.

Because you can go back
to mummy and daddy

and your cute house in the Valley.

But when I moved away from home
to go to college it was for good.

So excuse me for taking life
a little seriously,

but if I don't pay the rent
I'm out on the street.

Alison, I'm sorry.

- But what can I do?
- You can come up with the rent.

If you don't,
I'm looking for a new roommate.

- Morning, Jane.
- Hi, Alison.

I am so sorry about last night.

- I have bad roommate karma.
- Don't worry about it.

Billy was knocking on our door at 7.00.
He promised a cashier's check today.

- He did?
- He sounded pretty anxious to stay.

Who'd want to give up
a cheap apartment with a pool?

- And a cute roommate.
- Right.

Michael wanted to apologize
for being grumpy last night.

But you have no idea
what you interrupted.

- What?
- A romantic candlelight dinner for two.

One of those rare evenings when we
finally got to spend some time together.

I'm sorry.
But Billy won't be getting off easy.

Jake! Put me down!

- What's it worth?
- Anything!

- Anything?
- Well, not anything. But...

I didn't think you were that easy.

Nailed you.

- Go!
- Come on, Jane.

Bye, guys...

"Canyon Country Coolers:
The passion starts here."

- What do you think?
- I love it.

- Does it say early 20's?
- Definitely.

The secret is the word passion.

It implies commitment,
but it also says sex.

It is amazing that you can
communicate all that in one line.

- That's what I want to be able to do.
- You will, you will.

The client's having a party tonight
to introduce a new flavor.

If you're not doing anything,
you could join me.

It would be an opportunity to meet
people from the creative side.

I would love to.
Can I go home and change?

Absolutely.
I'll swing by and pick you up.

Great!

Really?

Hurt me.

Really. What's the occasion?

I got a date.
This guy took my class, came on to me.

- How completely unprofessional.
- I know.

I shouldn't get excited, but I am.

- He picking you up?
- We're meeting at Cafe Luna.

It makes everything less risky.

- I want details.
- Honey, I am praying for details.

I love you.

- Have a great time.
- Thanks.

Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Let?s see if we can get ourselves
a real drink,

then I'll introduce you
to one of the partners.

I know I saw him
around here somewhere.

- OK, Hal.
- Yeah?

Thank you for bringing me.
This really is amazing.

It's what I dreamed
these parties would be.

Now, now, now,
it's just a product launch

for a particularly rancid flavor
of wine cooler.

I know. What can I say?
I'm easily impressed.

Darrick.

I got my MBA from Pepperdine,

now I'm doing this entrepreneur thing,
trying to make a buck.

- Good luck in this economy.
- Right?

- You're trying to start a business?
- Yeah, you could say that.

- How did you start teaching aerobics?
- I wanted to be a ballerina,

but it didn't work out.

I thought I'd be
with a company by now,

but if you don't make it by
the time you're 21, forget about it.

- But you do what you do so well.
- Well, go ahead.

No, really you do.

You're great with people.
They respect you.

They look up to you,
the guys in your class.

- You think?
- Yeah.

When they leave, I bet they go buy
the same aerobic shoes you're wearing.

- I don't know about that.
- No, I know.

You have influence over people.

When it comes to fitness you have them
right in the palm of your hand.

You know, that's why you'd be
so perfect to sell the The Source.

- The what?
- The Source.

Six tiny capsules,
taken three times a day with meals,

all natural totally potent
vitaminlherb energy storehouse.

You get 30 per cent on every sale.
Baby, you would clean up.

Well, I can't sell vitamins
to my class.

- They're not just vitamins.
- Well, whatever, I can't do that.

That's a bummer.

I thought you'd jump at the opportunity.

You don't want dessert, do you?

Thanks, Hal.
I had a really great time.

And the party was amazing.

It was great of you
to introduce me to those people.

My pleasure.

- Well, good night.
- Alison.

Did I ever mention that aside
from being smart and ambitious,

- I also find you extremely sexy?
- Trust me, I'm not.

How's about one little drink
before we call it a night?

Hal, I'm beat.
Maybe we'll have lunch next week.

I don't even get a tour
of the apartment?

- There's just not much to see.
- That's all right.

Everything I need to see is right here.

- Alison.
- Hal!

I'm very disappointed.

Hal, I thought this was business.

God, does everything
have to be business?

Look Hal, this is making me
very uncomfortable.

Now, if you don't mind,
could you please leave?

Come on, Alison.

I just introduced you to half
the creative execs in the company.

- Now...
- Now what?

Now you're blowing me off?

I thought you liked my ideas.

Alison, come on, give me a break.

Hal, I want you to leave.

- Come on, just one drink.
- I said no!

- What's going on here?
- Who's he?

- I'm her husband, slimeball.
- Oh, God.

You never told me you were married.

- You never asked.
- Where's your ring?

Shut up.
You ask too many questions, pal.

Your wife's been leading me on.

I have not!

Why don't you just
get the hell out?

Hal, I'll see you at work.

Not if I can help it.

God, I am so stupid!

Are you OK?

Fine for someone
who probably lost her job.

He can't fire you
for not sleeping with him.

I don't know.

I should've seen that coming
a mile away.

I just thought he saw
something more in me.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

It's not fair.
You know, it is not fair!

- God, I wish I could kill him.
- I would've if you'd let me.

I know.

What? What's so funny?

My husband! Couldn't you
have thought of anything else?

I don't think he thought
it was so amusing.

I'm sorry. And I do appreciate it.

It's just so ludicrous.

Give me a break. Where would you
have been if I hadn't come in?

I think I could have handled myself.

It didn't look that way to me.
I think you owe me one, Alison Parker.

Kelly? What are you doing here?

Jake, I'm sorry. This might be easy
for you, but it's not that easy for me.

Can I come in?

The minute you walk through this door,
you know what's gonna happen.

What's so awful about that?

Look, give me a little space, OK?

Just give me a little air, all right?

I've got other things on my mind
right now besides you.

- Like what?
- Like where my next job's coming from.

I don't get to hang out all summer
at the Beverly Hills Beach Club.

If I don't get a job soon, real soon,
I'm gonna be out on my ass.

It's not a pretty thing.
I've been there before.

- I know.
- No, I don't think you do.

So does this mean you're
just gonna disappear again?

I'm gonna call you, Kelly, OK?
I promise.

Don't say that if you don't mean it,
OK, Jake?

I mean it.

Just let me get my life
straightened out.

Things are tough. I don't want
to drag you down with my problems.

OK, I understand.

Do you?

Yeah, I do.

Sweet Kelly.

What do you even see in me?

A lot, I guess.

Otherwise I wouldn't be
making such a fool of myself.

You're not.

You just picked yourself a challenge,
that's all.

Good night, Jake.

Come in.

I just wanted to thank you.

I really do appreciate
what you did for me out there.

- No problem.
- And you can stay if you want.

- Well, only if you really want me to.
- I want you to.

Despite what you might think,
you can trust me.

Yeah, well, I've never had
that much luck trusting people.

But I'll try.

Thanks, Billy.

Sweetheart, are you awake?

Come on, time to get up.

Oh, honey, what is this?

That's for you.

- What's the occasion?
- You.

- What time did you get in last night?
- Late, after 3.00.

We saved somebody, though.

OK, what is it?

I'm lonely, Michael.

I thought that people got married
to avoid that.

I know. And I'm trying.

Look at this.
Fresh-squeezed orange juice,

blueberry muffin, your favorite.

- What more could you ask for?
- For our old life back.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.

- We both knew it was gonna be tough.
- I know.

But I just feel like
I'm getting in your way out here.

I love you.

All right.

Just my humble contribution
to Melrose Place.

We've been waiting for one of those.

- What's a party without a barbeque?
- Where'd you get that?

My parents' garage.

- Did you clean it?
- Yeah, I think so.

No offence, but that is disgusting.

There's grease on here
older than I am.

- So how was your big date?
- It was great.

So tell me about it.
What happened?

Why me, Matt?

I mean, I don't expect much.
Just a little, I don't know, courtesy.

- Is that too much to ask for?
- At the very least.

Rhonda, you're great.

This guy had to be an idiot
to blow it with you.

- You know what I wish?
- What?

I wish you and I could
make things work.

We love laughing
and sharing things with each other.

We both like hanging out at night.

What more could a person
want from a relationship?

A strong physical attraction.

You are gonna find somebody great.
I'm gonna find somebody great.

- You've just got to believe that.
- Yeah, I know.

I just wish it wouldn't take
so damn long.

I'm gonna kill you, Jake!

C'mon, Sandy.
Remember we used to chicken fight?

Chicken fight!

I'm gonna get you, girl!

I am the chicken fight champion
of Charleston, South Carolina.

Well, you're in IA now,
and you're dead!

Now, now, now, children.
Let?s not get crazy here!

I still don't know about that grill.

Don't worry.
You're gonna love my burgers.

It's hard to work up an appetite,
wondering whether or not I have a job.

Alison, he can't fire you
for not sleeping with him.

I mean, that would be sexual harassment.
And I was a witness.

Great, now I can hire a lawyer
with all the money I don't have.

Why don't they teach you this
in college?

OK, Alison, we're going in too!