McGee and Me! (1989–1992): Season 1, Episode 9 - 'Twas the Fight Before Christmas - full transcript
(intense music)
(Christmas music)
(board cracking)
(whistle blowing)
(blink, blink)
(motor rumbling)
(horn blowing)
(snow splatting)
(swoosh, swoosh)
(wall bursting, cow moo)
(slurping)
(ice cracking)
(splashing)
(teeth chomping)
(snow splatting)
- Uh yeah, whatever.
- [Nicholas] Without
a doubt, the best time
of the year is Christmas.
I mean what other
time of the year
do you get peace
on Earth, presents,
and excused from class
for play rehearsals.
(chattering)
- Look at the waist
line on this thing.
I mean I've heard of baggy look
but I look like a
big overgrown raisin.
- Ho, ho,
ho
- [Nicholas] Once
again, it was time
for the Eastfield Tradition's
of Christmas Pageant
and this year our
part of the program
was the nativity.
It was great.
- Where are my wonderful,
majestic wise men?
- [Nicholas] Over
here, Ms. Harmon.
Although participation
is what you might call
required, no one really minded.
In fact, everyone
kind of enjoyed it.
- What are you
looking at, flake?
- [Nicholas] Well,
almost everyone.
- Don't we look, uh,
don't we look precious.
- Oh man, that does it.
- [Male] Look out!
(comical music)
- Boy, if these guys don't
get their act together
we'll have to carry the whole
show ourselves, huh, Mona?
(squealing)
Hey, it's tough trying to
find sheep this time of year.
- Ho, ho, ho!
- Ho, ho (coughing).
- Look, just wave
and smile a lot.
- [Nicholas] Boy,
I wonder if this
is why actors are
called stuck up.
- That's great, Martin.
The more of your face
you cover, the better.
- Hey man, why aren't you
wearing your hat thing?
- Yeah!
- You morons think I'm
actually gonna do this junk?
You two clowns will be
the only guys out here
once the curtain goes up.
- The script calls for
three wise men, Mr. Cryder,
and come Friday, three
wise men we will have
unless you wanna
be the first person
in the history of Eastfield
to take my class
three years in a row.
- Hey, hey, that's
like black mail.
- That's right, Merry Christmas.
- [Nicholas] Okay,
it's true that Derrick
had never been known
as the happy hood
unless he'd just
finished socking someone
but this time, he
seemed worse than ever,
like he really hated all this.
I mean how could a
guy hate Christmas?
(festive music, ringing bell)
(music box plays)
- That's my mom's
favorite Christmas carol.
This is my gift for her as soon
as I get the rest
of my allowance.
- Come on, how about a
little Christmas cheer?
It's freezing outside.
That's why Santa's
got a red nose.
I say we get on out of
here, take off somewhere.
(laughing)
- Hey you, stop!
Where are you going with that?
Come back here!
You stay out of my
shop, you thieves!
You hear me, you're
a bunch of thieves!
Don't come back
here, you thieves!
- Man, that guy's
headed for trouble.
- [Nicholas Voiceover]
I guess I always
thought Derrick would end
up in real trouble one day.
In fact, I kind
of counted on it.
But now I couldn't believe
it was really happening.
- [Mom] Hey, hey, hey,
save some for the tree.
- What do you mean?
We have a living Christmas tree.
(laughing)
- Go ahead, laugh all you want.
As soon as I find the
loose bulb on this puppy
you're all gonna need shades.
(laughing)
- Hey, you'd better be careful.
- No problemo, what you got here
is a few a scatterfranz with
a poly-nine skrill blatz.
- Yeah, that's what
I was gonna say.
- So I just reversed
the gyro-stabilizers
and it's showtime.
(electrical zapping)
- Well, how's that
scatter fratz?
- Go peddle your eggnog.
- Well, here's the
official first batch
of Christmas cookies.
- Oh, look at these.
- Here it is.
Alright, okay
everybody, get ready.
We're talking
serious light show.
(electrical zapping)
(laughing)
I'll get the fuses.
Hang on, it won't
take me a minute.
- David, wait a minute.
This is kind of nice, you know?
Firelight, candles
and everything.
- Yeah, I planned it this way.
Kind of an old
fashioned Christmas.
- Come on, daddy.
Why don't you help me
wrap these presents?
- Okay, keep talking,
I'll find you.
- This is how I
remember Christmas
when I was a little girl.
- Right.
Popcorn fresh from
the microwave.
(laughing)
- Here's the manger.
- Hey.
You know, for the last
couple of weeks around here
you've been practically
on the ceiling
leading the Christmas cheer.
Anything wrong?
- No, I'm fine.
It's just funny.
This is such a great
time of the year.
Everywhere you look, you know,
you see people celebrating
Christmas and stuff.
- There's nothing wrong
with that, is there?
- It's just too bad not
everybody can enjoy it.
- But they can, you know that.
Christmas is what
God's love is all about
and everyone can experience it.
They can.
Everyone from poor
ragged shepherds
to rich and powerful kings
to conniving thieves.
- Thieves?
- Absolutely.
Remember the thief on the cross
and how Jesus loved
him and forgave him.
- Yeah, but--
- Mom.
- What's up, squirt?
- I can't find the
other wise men.
- Ah, well I'm sure
he's here somewhere.
- What if he's lost?
- Ms. Harmon said
to bag the beard.
- Great.
- Remember everyone,
it's Christmas time
so let's really show a
lot of Christmas spirit.
Now quiet down and
let's try it once again
and Philip, remember,
lots of enthusiasm.
- [Philip] We're glad you came,
you and the misses,
to see Eastfield's Pageant,
Traditions of Christmas.
So sit back, relax,
and enjoy our show.
Merry Christmas to all
and to all ho, ho--
(owwwwwww.........)
(screaming)
(boxes falling, boards cracking, crashing)
- Alright everybody.
Let's take five.
(creaking... crash....)
Let's make that 10.
- Don't worry, Ms. H,
we'll settle him down
and be ready to go
again in no time.
- Thanks Bob, no hurry.
(lighthearted comical music)
- No cause for alarm,
it's not for certain.
I just thought
you ought to know.
- So you're telling me we
don't have a third wise man.
- No, I didn't
say that for sure.
I just think you need to know
that Derrick is having
some very serious problems
at home right now.
- I'm sorry to hear that.
Is there anything we can do?
- Well, we'll try to
get together and ...
(fluttering)
- So, what do you think, kid?
- Very nice.
This is a non-stop
flight I hope.
(fluttering)
- I mean what should
we do about Derrick?
- I don't know.
Maybe someone
should talk to him.
I mean, find out
what's really wrong,
that kind of thing.
- What are you gonna say?
- Me?
What could I tell him?
- It's Christmas, you'll
think of something.
- I don't even know where he is.
- You could always start
off by checking his home.
- Oh, come on, his home?
Absolutely not.
I'm not about to go
to Derrick Cryder's.
- [Nicholas Voiceover]
Well, I guess you could say
it was time I found out
what it really meant
to tell someone what
Christmas is all about
and no one needed to
know more than Derrick.
- [Male] I've head just
about enough of you!
(face slap)
Get out of here!
- What are you doing here?
I said what are you
doing here, squid?
- Look, I ...
We all missed you
today at rehearsal
and I just thought I'd
stop by on my way home.
(horn honking)
Okay, maybe that's
not the real reason
but yeah, it's part of the,
are you okay?
- Why'd you really come here?
- It's Christmas.
(horn honking)
- What?
- You know, Christmas,
it's supposed
to be a time to care
about other people
and that's the whole
reason for Christmas
in the first place, right?
'Cause God loved us, and,
you know, sort of.
Stuff.
- Let's go Cryder, we
ain't got all night.
Well, well, well.
What do we got here?
(tense music)
So, you wanna take
your pet freak along?
- He's just a kid from
a stupid school play.
- What?
- [Cryder] Forget it,
come on, let's go.
- Nice dress.
- Ray.
- I don't know
who your friend is
but you better
tell him if I ever
see his sweet little face again
I'm gonna have to
kick it all the way
to the other side of town.
You got that?
- Yeah.
Come on, my dad might come out.
- Ciao, chicken.
- Listen, Martin--
(horn honking)
- [Nicholas Voiceover]
Finally it was the night
of the big performance
and I guess you
could say that I
was pretty nervous
about remembering my lines.
The school was all
decorated and it seemed
like just about everybody
in Eastfield was there,
everybody except
our third wise man.
(chattering)
(laughing)
- I'll be right back.
Nicholas.
- [Nick] Oh hi, dad.
- Hi, it's all set.
Here's your allowance.
After the performance
I'll take the rest
of the family out for some
ice cream or something.
That way you can go
and get the music box.
Mom'll never know a thing.
But come straight home.
- Sure dad, thanks.
- Break a leg, guys.
- What?
- It's like good luck.
- It's like a
possibility in this show.
(festive piano music)
- [Philip] Glad you came,
you and the misses,
to see Eastfield's Pageant
Traditions of Christmas.
- Glad you could make it.
- Yeah well, somebody said you
were giving fewer quizzes
the rest of the semester so--
- That's blackmail.
- [Philip] And to all, ho, ho, ho.
(laughing)
(clapping)
- Nick's next.
- Well let's watch.
(solemn Christmas music)
- That night, some
shepherds were in the fields
outside the village guarding
their flocks of sheep.
Suddenly an angel
appeared among them
and the landscape shone bright
with the glory of the lord.
They were badly frightened
but the angel reassured them,
don't be afraid, he said,
for I bring you the most
joyful news ever announced
and it's for everyone.
The Savior, yes, the Messiah.
The Lord is born
tonight in Bethlehem.
How will you recognize Him?
You will find a baby
wrapped in a blanket
lying in a manger.
Then the angel was joined
by a vast host of others,
the armies of
heaven praising God.
Glory to God in the
highest heaven, they sang.
Peace on Earth for all
those pleasing him.
- I'll get you a bag.
- Where were you, wuss?
Huh?
You know I need a
little twerp to slide
underneath the gate
at the warehouse.
Man, huh, where, where?
- Ray.
- You wanna play acting
with that stupid little
rich friend of yours?
Listen man, I let you tag along
even though you're a dumb punk
but now you start hanging
out with that little geek.
What do you, you think
you're too good for us?
Huh, is that it?
- I just want out, Ray.
- You want out, you want out?
Okay man, get out.
But let me tell
you something, man.
I ever see you or that
dumb little punk again
and you're history, you got me?
You got me, man?
(dramatic music)
(tires screeching)
♪ And a Happy New Year
(singing Christmas carols)
- Well, well, well,
look who we got here.
Drive up the street
and pull over.
(Car Door Shutting)
(dramatic music)
(music box playing)
- [Male] Hey kid, I'm
gonna call the cops!
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
- Why did you, I mean,
I don't understand.
- I don't really know either.
Maybe I'm just
starting to see things
different.
I gotta go.
- Derrick.
Thanks.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
- [Nicholas Voiceover]
That Christmas,
- [Nicholas Voiceover]
That Christmas,
Derrick Cryder changed
Derrick Cryder changed
and somehow, that made Christmas
seem more real than ever.
It's like no matter who you are
or what you have to
offer, God sent His Son
so that all of us
could know His love
and that's what
Christmas is all about.
(gentle music)
- And God bless us everyone.
(Slow Christmas music)
(moves into upbeat
Christmas music)
(Christmas music)
(board cracking)
(whistle blowing)
(blink, blink)
(motor rumbling)
(horn blowing)
(snow splatting)
(swoosh, swoosh)
(wall bursting, cow moo)
(slurping)
(ice cracking)
(splashing)
(teeth chomping)
(snow splatting)
- Uh yeah, whatever.
- [Nicholas] Without
a doubt, the best time
of the year is Christmas.
I mean what other
time of the year
do you get peace
on Earth, presents,
and excused from class
for play rehearsals.
(chattering)
- Look at the waist
line on this thing.
I mean I've heard of baggy look
but I look like a
big overgrown raisin.
- Ho, ho,
ho
- [Nicholas] Once
again, it was time
for the Eastfield Tradition's
of Christmas Pageant
and this year our
part of the program
was the nativity.
It was great.
- Where are my wonderful,
majestic wise men?
- [Nicholas] Over
here, Ms. Harmon.
Although participation
is what you might call
required, no one really minded.
In fact, everyone
kind of enjoyed it.
- What are you
looking at, flake?
- [Nicholas] Well,
almost everyone.
- Don't we look, uh,
don't we look precious.
- Oh man, that does it.
- [Male] Look out!
(comical music)
- Boy, if these guys don't
get their act together
we'll have to carry the whole
show ourselves, huh, Mona?
(squealing)
Hey, it's tough trying to
find sheep this time of year.
- Ho, ho, ho!
- Ho, ho (coughing).
- Look, just wave
and smile a lot.
- [Nicholas] Boy,
I wonder if this
is why actors are
called stuck up.
- That's great, Martin.
The more of your face
you cover, the better.
- Hey man, why aren't you
wearing your hat thing?
- Yeah!
- You morons think I'm
actually gonna do this junk?
You two clowns will be
the only guys out here
once the curtain goes up.
- The script calls for
three wise men, Mr. Cryder,
and come Friday, three
wise men we will have
unless you wanna
be the first person
in the history of Eastfield
to take my class
three years in a row.
- Hey, hey, that's
like black mail.
- That's right, Merry Christmas.
- [Nicholas] Okay,
it's true that Derrick
had never been known
as the happy hood
unless he'd just
finished socking someone
but this time, he
seemed worse than ever,
like he really hated all this.
I mean how could a
guy hate Christmas?
(festive music, ringing bell)
(music box plays)
- That's my mom's
favorite Christmas carol.
This is my gift for her as soon
as I get the rest
of my allowance.
- Come on, how about a
little Christmas cheer?
It's freezing outside.
That's why Santa's
got a red nose.
I say we get on out of
here, take off somewhere.
(laughing)
- Hey you, stop!
Where are you going with that?
Come back here!
You stay out of my
shop, you thieves!
You hear me, you're
a bunch of thieves!
Don't come back
here, you thieves!
- Man, that guy's
headed for trouble.
- [Nicholas Voiceover]
I guess I always
thought Derrick would end
up in real trouble one day.
In fact, I kind
of counted on it.
But now I couldn't believe
it was really happening.
- [Mom] Hey, hey, hey,
save some for the tree.
- What do you mean?
We have a living Christmas tree.
(laughing)
- Go ahead, laugh all you want.
As soon as I find the
loose bulb on this puppy
you're all gonna need shades.
(laughing)
- Hey, you'd better be careful.
- No problemo, what you got here
is a few a scatterfranz with
a poly-nine skrill blatz.
- Yeah, that's what
I was gonna say.
- So I just reversed
the gyro-stabilizers
and it's showtime.
(electrical zapping)
- Well, how's that
scatter fratz?
- Go peddle your eggnog.
- Well, here's the
official first batch
of Christmas cookies.
- Oh, look at these.
- Here it is.
Alright, okay
everybody, get ready.
We're talking
serious light show.
(electrical zapping)
(laughing)
I'll get the fuses.
Hang on, it won't
take me a minute.
- David, wait a minute.
This is kind of nice, you know?
Firelight, candles
and everything.
- Yeah, I planned it this way.
Kind of an old
fashioned Christmas.
- Come on, daddy.
Why don't you help me
wrap these presents?
- Okay, keep talking,
I'll find you.
- This is how I
remember Christmas
when I was a little girl.
- Right.
Popcorn fresh from
the microwave.
(laughing)
- Here's the manger.
- Hey.
You know, for the last
couple of weeks around here
you've been practically
on the ceiling
leading the Christmas cheer.
Anything wrong?
- No, I'm fine.
It's just funny.
This is such a great
time of the year.
Everywhere you look, you know,
you see people celebrating
Christmas and stuff.
- There's nothing wrong
with that, is there?
- It's just too bad not
everybody can enjoy it.
- But they can, you know that.
Christmas is what
God's love is all about
and everyone can experience it.
They can.
Everyone from poor
ragged shepherds
to rich and powerful kings
to conniving thieves.
- Thieves?
- Absolutely.
Remember the thief on the cross
and how Jesus loved
him and forgave him.
- Yeah, but--
- Mom.
- What's up, squirt?
- I can't find the
other wise men.
- Ah, well I'm sure
he's here somewhere.
- What if he's lost?
- Ms. Harmon said
to bag the beard.
- Great.
- Remember everyone,
it's Christmas time
so let's really show a
lot of Christmas spirit.
Now quiet down and
let's try it once again
and Philip, remember,
lots of enthusiasm.
- [Philip] We're glad you came,
you and the misses,
to see Eastfield's Pageant,
Traditions of Christmas.
So sit back, relax,
and enjoy our show.
Merry Christmas to all
and to all ho, ho--
(owwwwwww.........)
(screaming)
(boxes falling, boards cracking, crashing)
- Alright everybody.
Let's take five.
(creaking... crash....)
Let's make that 10.
- Don't worry, Ms. H,
we'll settle him down
and be ready to go
again in no time.
- Thanks Bob, no hurry.
(lighthearted comical music)
- No cause for alarm,
it's not for certain.
I just thought
you ought to know.
- So you're telling me we
don't have a third wise man.
- No, I didn't
say that for sure.
I just think you need to know
that Derrick is having
some very serious problems
at home right now.
- I'm sorry to hear that.
Is there anything we can do?
- Well, we'll try to
get together and ...
(fluttering)
- So, what do you think, kid?
- Very nice.
This is a non-stop
flight I hope.
(fluttering)
- I mean what should
we do about Derrick?
- I don't know.
Maybe someone
should talk to him.
I mean, find out
what's really wrong,
that kind of thing.
- What are you gonna say?
- Me?
What could I tell him?
- It's Christmas, you'll
think of something.
- I don't even know where he is.
- You could always start
off by checking his home.
- Oh, come on, his home?
Absolutely not.
I'm not about to go
to Derrick Cryder's.
- [Nicholas Voiceover]
Well, I guess you could say
it was time I found out
what it really meant
to tell someone what
Christmas is all about
and no one needed to
know more than Derrick.
- [Male] I've head just
about enough of you!
(face slap)
Get out of here!
- What are you doing here?
I said what are you
doing here, squid?
- Look, I ...
We all missed you
today at rehearsal
and I just thought I'd
stop by on my way home.
(horn honking)
Okay, maybe that's
not the real reason
but yeah, it's part of the,
are you okay?
- Why'd you really come here?
- It's Christmas.
(horn honking)
- What?
- You know, Christmas,
it's supposed
to be a time to care
about other people
and that's the whole
reason for Christmas
in the first place, right?
'Cause God loved us, and,
you know, sort of.
Stuff.
- Let's go Cryder, we
ain't got all night.
Well, well, well.
What do we got here?
(tense music)
So, you wanna take
your pet freak along?
- He's just a kid from
a stupid school play.
- What?
- [Cryder] Forget it,
come on, let's go.
- Nice dress.
- Ray.
- I don't know
who your friend is
but you better
tell him if I ever
see his sweet little face again
I'm gonna have to
kick it all the way
to the other side of town.
You got that?
- Yeah.
Come on, my dad might come out.
- Ciao, chicken.
- Listen, Martin--
(horn honking)
- [Nicholas Voiceover]
Finally it was the night
of the big performance
and I guess you
could say that I
was pretty nervous
about remembering my lines.
The school was all
decorated and it seemed
like just about everybody
in Eastfield was there,
everybody except
our third wise man.
(chattering)
(laughing)
- I'll be right back.
Nicholas.
- [Nick] Oh hi, dad.
- Hi, it's all set.
Here's your allowance.
After the performance
I'll take the rest
of the family out for some
ice cream or something.
That way you can go
and get the music box.
Mom'll never know a thing.
But come straight home.
- Sure dad, thanks.
- Break a leg, guys.
- What?
- It's like good luck.
- It's like a
possibility in this show.
(festive piano music)
- [Philip] Glad you came,
you and the misses,
to see Eastfield's Pageant
Traditions of Christmas.
- Glad you could make it.
- Yeah well, somebody said you
were giving fewer quizzes
the rest of the semester so--
- That's blackmail.
- [Philip] And to all, ho, ho, ho.
(laughing)
(clapping)
- Nick's next.
- Well let's watch.
(solemn Christmas music)
- That night, some
shepherds were in the fields
outside the village guarding
their flocks of sheep.
Suddenly an angel
appeared among them
and the landscape shone bright
with the glory of the lord.
They were badly frightened
but the angel reassured them,
don't be afraid, he said,
for I bring you the most
joyful news ever announced
and it's for everyone.
The Savior, yes, the Messiah.
The Lord is born
tonight in Bethlehem.
How will you recognize Him?
You will find a baby
wrapped in a blanket
lying in a manger.
Then the angel was joined
by a vast host of others,
the armies of
heaven praising God.
Glory to God in the
highest heaven, they sang.
Peace on Earth for all
those pleasing him.
- I'll get you a bag.
- Where were you, wuss?
Huh?
You know I need a
little twerp to slide
underneath the gate
at the warehouse.
Man, huh, where, where?
- Ray.
- You wanna play acting
with that stupid little
rich friend of yours?
Listen man, I let you tag along
even though you're a dumb punk
but now you start hanging
out with that little geek.
What do you, you think
you're too good for us?
Huh, is that it?
- I just want out, Ray.
- You want out, you want out?
Okay man, get out.
But let me tell
you something, man.
I ever see you or that
dumb little punk again
and you're history, you got me?
You got me, man?
(dramatic music)
(tires screeching)
♪ And a Happy New Year
(singing Christmas carols)
- Well, well, well,
look who we got here.
Drive up the street
and pull over.
(Car Door Shutting)
(dramatic music)
(music box playing)
- [Male] Hey kid, I'm
gonna call the cops!
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
- Why did you, I mean,
I don't understand.
- I don't really know either.
Maybe I'm just
starting to see things
different.
I gotta go.
- Derrick.
Thanks.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
- [Nicholas Voiceover]
That Christmas,
- [Nicholas Voiceover]
That Christmas,
Derrick Cryder changed
Derrick Cryder changed
and somehow, that made Christmas
seem more real than ever.
It's like no matter who you are
or what you have to
offer, God sent His Son
so that all of us
could know His love
and that's what
Christmas is all about.
(gentle music)
- And God bless us everyone.
(Slow Christmas music)
(moves into upbeat
Christmas music)