Maude (1972–1978): Season 6, Episode 18 - Carol's Dilemma - full transcript

♪ Lady Godiva was
a freedom rider ♪

♪ She didn't care if the
whole world looked ♪

♪ Joan of Arc with
the Lord to guide her ♪

♪ She was a sister
who really cooked ♪

♪ Isadora was the
first bra burner ♪

♪ Ain't you glad
she showed up? ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ And when the country
was falling apart ♪

♪ Betsy Ross got
it all sewed up ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪



♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's ♪

♪ That uncompromisin',
enterprisin' ♪

♪ Anything but tranquilizin' ♪

♪ Right on, Maude ♪

Okay. Then it's all settled.

We'll see that new murder
mystery at the Orpheum.

Oh, good, I love Warren Beatty.

And I love Julie Christie.

Oh, and I love Paul Newman.

Paul Newman isn't in this movie.



I know, I just
like to talk about

how much I love Paul Newman.

Say, maybe Phillip
would like to come with us.

He can't. No, he's at a
football game with his father.

Vernon? Vernon took
Phillip to a football game?

Yeah. How do you like that bum?

He divorced Carol 13 years ago

and all of a sudden he starts
showing an interest in his son.

He's also showing
an interest in Carol.

He's been sending
her flowers all week

and tonight he said
he wants to talk to her

when he brings Phillip
back after the game.

- I'll get it mother.
- Okay. Honey.

Boy, I remember how charming
that Vernon always was.

That was the problem,
he was so untrustworthy.

So, unreliable but
so damn charming.

Oh, I remember the first time
Carol brought him to the house.

She was only 17,

oh, one glance at
his boyish good looks,

those soft brown eyes,

his winning smile

and he swept me off my feet.

The next thing I knew
Carol was pregnant.

Well look, we don't
wanna be late for the movie.

It says that they
don't let anybody in

after the first ten minutes.

All right, I'll just
go get my coat.

More roses from Vernon?

Three dozen this time.

The card says, "To
a beautiful lady."

I'll have to thank him
when he brings Phillip home.

Carol I look at you
looking you at these roses

and I'm worried
about what I see.

What do you mean?

Well, that little smile on your
face is exactly the same smile

you used to get when
you were a little girl

and I'd let you lick
the frosting pan.

And every time you
look at those roses

your eyes bulge out to here

and speaking of that,
must you wear that sweater?

What's wrong with my sweater?

I just put it on so I'd look
nice when Phillip gets here.

Sweaters like that, that got
Phillip here in the first place.

I'm sorry, honey.

It's just that I
remember all the hurt

that Vernon put you through.

- I know.
- And I don't want
to see you hurt again.

Honey, you're such
a pushover for him.

Look, he is a terrible father
and he was a rotten husband.

Mother, look, I
know you mean well,

but try to give Vernon a chance.

He has a terrific job now,

a sales manager
at Hunsaker Motors.

That's the biggest used
car lot in the country.

And he's even
seeing a therapist,

I think he's changed.

Oh, come on. Nobody
changes that much.

I did.

I believe in change.

Good, then go up and
change that sweater.

Look mother, aren't you
overreacting to this thing?

No, I am not.

His interest, the flowers,

the phone calls,
look I may be crazy,

I have a feeling that Vernon

just may ask you
to marry him again.

What if he does?

Oh, come on, Carol. You
wouldn't seriously consider it.

I might.

Look Carol, I am staying here

in this house with you tonight

so that you don't make
a fool of yourself again.

And you can do
something to help.

- What?
- Go up and change that sweater.

Come on, Maude, we
can't be late for that movie.

- Where's your coat?
- I'm not going.

Oh, Maude. No you have to go.

I'm sorry. I cannot
leave my daughter alone

with Vernon Traynor
it's just too dangerous.

That man can charm the
birds right out of the trees.

In fact...

later tonight when
he comes up the walk

you'll probably hear a lot of
birds hitting the pavement.

But, Maude,
everybody says this is

the best murder
mystery in years.

And they say you're on the
edge to your sit every minute.

Oh, there just so
many twists and turns

and the ending is
a complete surprise.

Doesn't it sound great, Maude?

Oh, boy the audience
just goes crazy

when they find out
that Julie Christie

is the one who
murdered Warren Beatty.

Wanna go see "Star
Wars" again Arthur?

Look, everybody have fun.

Let's go over to my house
and play bumper pool.

But don't you guys care
how the movie turns out?

Bumper pool, Vivian.

Oh, I love that.

Hello Vernon.

Hi Carol...

Why, it's Maude.

For a moment there I
thought you were Carol,

but of course you
always look so young.

You know, I remember
my friend saying,

"You made a mistake, Vern,
you should've married the mother."

You look absolutely
fabulous, Maude,

and I love what you're
doing with your hair now,

it's so becoming.

Now, Maude, what are you doing?

Oh, I thought I just heard
a bird fall out of a tree.

Where's Phillip?

Oh, he'll be in in a minute
I'm just letting him drive

my Jaguar back and
forth in the driveway.

Your Jaguar, hmm,

you must be doing
pretty well on Hunsaker.

Well it's not a new one.

It's just a '76.

But it gets me where I'm going
and Phillip is crazy about it.

Maude, I can't tell you
how terrific you look.

How do you manage to keep
your body so young and firm?

Look...

Vernon, I'm gonna
tell you right now.

It is not going to work not
on me and not on Carol.

What's not going to work?

Oh, come on,
come on, the flattery,

the flowers, the smiles.

Look, Carol is a great deal
stronger than she used to be.

She's not gonna be taken in
by a few bouquets of flowers.

That particular bouquet of
flowers was meant for you.

What are you talking about?

The card says, "To
a beautiful lady."

Well?

Oh.

I thought that shade of roses

bring would out the
laughter in your eyes.

Oh, look, Vernon, this
is not going to work.

Hi, Grandma.

Hi, Phillip.

Boy, that car is sure is neat.

I bet it cost a lot of money.

Well, I always say
why spend $5,000

on a car when for
another 10 or 12 grand

you can get something
you really like.

I think I've heard
the Shah of Iran

give that same price.

I got to tell mom
about dad's car.

- Where is she?
- She's up in her room.

Oh, wait, till I tell her. Mom.

He's quite a boy.

You've done a wonderful job
with him, Maude, you and Carol.

Well, it's mostly Carol
after all she's his mother.

Yes, of course but I
see things in Phillip

that could only come from you.

His wit, his
probing intelligence,

his keen analytical mind.

Of course, Carol is away a lot.

Phillip and I spend a
great deal of time together

perhaps some small
portion of me has rubbed off.

Oh, look Vernon, I'm
telling you right now

I am staying in this house.

I am not about to leave
you alone with Carol.

Oh, good.

Good?

Maude, I have something
special to talk to Carol about tonight

and it would be a great
help if you would stay here.

We could both benefit
from your advice.

You really want me here

when you're talking
about marriage?

You see how perceptive you are?

You know that I wanna
talk about marriage,

Maude, you are incredible.

I mean, here you are,
this attractive woman

with a brilliant mind
and yet you managed

to balance all that with a
warm and loving nature.

You're just...

a beautiful human being, Maude.

Carol, Vernon's here.
Put the sweater back on.

Here she is. Doesn't
she look wonderful?

Hello, Vernon.

Carol, you look smashing.

She still makes those
great cookies, Vernon.

Phillip is all excited
about your new car.

And he tells me you want to
take him camping next weekend.

That's right on horseback.

Actually, that's part of what
I wanna talk about tonight.

Oh, why don't you two talk

and I'll just sneak
out to the kitchen.

No, Maude I want
you to stay, please.

I meant that.

Well, all right. But
just for a minute.

What's going on, Vernon?

Okay. I'll get
right to the point.

Carol, I've been
thinking about Phillip.

I look at him and I
see a fine young man.

I want another chance to
be a small part of his life,

you know what I mean?

I know.

I wanna be there
for his first shave,

for the first time
he falls in love,

for that phone call that brings
him his first disappointment.

You can understand why I
want that, can't you Carol?

Of course, Vernon.

Mother, I'm Carol.

Well, of course, Carol.

Look, Vernon, before you go on,

I want you to know that

getting married again
is a very big step.

It demands some
long hard thinking.

I know and believe me

Veronica and I have
discussed it in depth.

Veronica?

Your therapist?

No, my fiancée,
Veronica Hunsaker.

Her dad owns Hunsaker Motors.

She's a great gal, Carol,

she's good for me.

Your fiancée, oh,

well I'm very happy
for the two of you.

Oh, Thanks. And Carol,

when Veronica and I get married,

we want Phillip to
come and live with us.

You want Phillip
to live with you?

Hey, I know this is sudden.

Look, I want you
to think about it.

Maybe you could have
an answer for me on Friday

when I come to pick up
Phillip for our camping trip.

Veronica's gonna
be coming along.

I want her to have a
chance to get acquainted

with the little guy.

Say goodbye to him
from me, will you?

So, this is why all the flowers,

the back child support,
all the attention?

Well, Carol just keep in mind

that Veronica and I can
offer Phillip quite a bit,

I mean, Dad Hunsaker's
very well fixed.

Let's try to think of what's
best for Phillip, hmm?

Maude I still can't get over
it stay as lovely as you are.

Well, Vernon has done it again.

Yup.

But at least this time
you won't get pregnant.

- Hi.
- Oh, hi honey.

Phillip home from school yet?

Yup. He's upstairs
packing for his camping trip.

Vernon's gonna be picking
him up in about 20 minutes.

Oh, Mother, I don't
know what to do.

I haven't been able
to sleep all week.

I can't make a decision.

Honey, I've been wrestling
with the same problem,

but I finally
realized one thing.

We cannot think of ourselves,

we have to do what
is best for Phillip.

And what is best for Phillip?

We poison his mind
against his father

and lock him up in the house.

Phillip has enough stuff here.

Boy, dad sure has
some great ideas.

Just imagine
camping on horseback

and he says if I like the horse,

he's gonna buy it for me.

Now, look you better be careful,

you know, you're
gonna get spoiled.

What's wrong with being spoiled?

Walter.

What? What? what?

- Are you busy tonight?
- No, why?

I'd like you to go out
and buy Phillip a Jaguar.

Are you crazy? Do you know
how much those things cost?

Walter, why spend
$5,000 for a car

when for an extra 10 or 12 grand

we can get Phillip
something he really likes.

Come to think of
it, I am busy tonight.

Cheapskate.

Mother, I am trying to
make an objective decision

and you're not helping.

I'm sorry, dear.

How can I help?

Don't you understand?

I don't know what to do.

Sweetheart, this is
why you need my help.

No, I'm the one who
has to make the decision

please just leave me alone.

Leave me alone.

Leave me alone, that's
the thanks a mother gets.

Leave me alone.

Fat chance I'll leave you alone.

Oh, Maude.

Oh, Vivian, thank
God you're here.

I need your advice.

You need my advice?

I am desperate.

Maude, you never
ask me for advice.

Vernon, wants Phillip
to come and live with him

after he and Veronica
Hunsaker get married.

Maude, I'm just so flattered
that you asked me for advice.

I never dreamed. I never
hear you say those words.

"Vivian, I want your advice."

Oh, Carol doesn't
know what to do.

I have very strong feelings,

but I don't know
whether I should interfere.

Boy, wait till Sheila Hackett
hears you asked me for advice.

Now, on a one hand I
don't wanna offend Carol,

but on the other I don't
want to risk losing Phillip.

She'll never believe it.

It is all right if I
tell Sheila Hackett?

Of course in the past I...

I have always let Carol
make her own decisions

and I'm very happy with
the way she turned out.

Maude, this is such a
proud moment for me.

Maybe this is another instance

were I should
just stay out of it

and let Carol make
her own decision

in spite of what's at stake.

Just hope I'm worthy
of the sacred trust

you placed on my shoulders.

That's it, that's the answer.

I'll stay out of it

and let Carol make
her own decision

and I know she'll
do the right thing.

Oh, Vivian, thank you.

I'm so relieved.

Maude, I got to thank
you for seeking me out

and allowing me to help
you with this problem.

Oh, Carol, Carol, I'm so
glad you came back down.

I have something to tell you.

Vivian just gave me
some wonderful advice.

Well, Mother, I have
something to tell you too.

Carol, I want you to know that
I am not going to pressure you.

Phillip is your son and
the decision is yours.

Mother and I just decided that
you should have a say in this

and Phillip is so close to you.

Oh, Mother, I need your help.

Carol, oh Carol,

I can't tell you how proud

it makes me feel
to hear you say that.

"Mother, I need your help."

Wait'll I tell Sheila Hackett.

Why did I just say
Sheila Hackett?

Mother, I realized that we
would miss Phillip terribly

if he went with Vernon,
but maybe I'm being selfish.

I mean, maybe a boy needs

the example of a man
during these years.

Oh, I guess basically it's
just up to what Phillip wants.

I'm afraid you're
right, it's up to him.

Oh, Mother, it's so scary.

What if he wants to
go live with Vernon?

Oh, honey. I know, I know.

So, long, Maude,

I'm getting out of here
before Vernon shows up.

I hate to see Phillip
going away with him.

I also hate to see the way you
women fall for his phony charm.

Come on, that
guy's a shower door,

I see right through him.

Vernon.

Walter, hello.

Where did you get that tie?

You like it?

Well, did you
pick it out yourself

or did your tailor
suggested to go

with this great sport
coat he made you?

No, I actually bought
this coat of the rack.

No, really?

Well, of course it's easy for
you to wear off the rack stuff.

You got that athlete's build,

broad shoulders, narrow hips.

Yeah. I guess I...

usually look pretty
good in clothes.

Pretty good? Are you kidding me?

Walter, that's the first thing
I ever noticed about you,

in fact I always figure it
was the terrific way you dress

along with your keen
competitive mind that made you

one of the major business
forces in Tuckahoe.

Phillip, hurry up. Your
father doesn't have all night.

Good to see you, Vernon.

Walter...

watch out for falling birds.

There they are, my two favorite
ladies in the whole wide world.

Come on now, we don't
have time for this nonsense.

Tell him what we've
decided about Phillip.

Well, Vernon, I have
thought long and hard

and I've come to a decision...

but not alone.

I was lucky enough to have the
advice and support of my mother.

Oh, Carol.

Carol, I can't tell you how

warm it makes me
feel to hear you say that.

Oh, wait'll I tell
Sheila Hackett.

Why do I keep talking
about Sheila Hackett?

Look, Carol,

before you go on,

I just want you to know
that however you decide

to handle this thing is
perfectly all right with me.

I mean I trust your
judgment completely.

I go with you 100%.

Good.

I've decided to let Phillip
make up his own mind.

That's really dumb.

I mean, what if he chooses me?

What do you mean? I thought
that's what you wanted?

Well, see, I sort of
jump the gun a little here.

Now, when Veronica said that
she'd love to have Phillip around

I thought she meant right
away as soon as we got married.

But, as it turns
out she meant later

after we get back
from our cruise.

What cruise?

Well, after we get married we're

going on a little two year
cruise around the world.

And I certainly
can't have Phillip

along on my
honeymoon with Veronica.

Oh, why not you had him along
on your honeymoon with Carol.

What a sense of humor.

Look, Vernon,
isn't it going to be

a little awkward
on this camping trip.

I mean, you've already
Phillip to come live with you

now you say Veronica
doesn't want him.

Yeah. I know, I thought of that,

but don't worry I've
come up with a solution.

I'm canceling the camping trip.

- What?
- You are what?

Well, hey, I don't want
Phillip to feel uncomfortable.

He's a sensitive kid.

Vernon, Phillip has
been looking forward

to this camping trip for a week.

I know, I know.

And that's why...

I hope you two will be gentle
when you break it to him.

Well, he loves you two,

but then of course who doesn't?

I mean you're
certainly my favorites.

- Vernon.
- You're two beautiful people.

- I love you both.
- Vernon.

Vernon. Just a minute.

Maude. I love
your hair that way.

If anybody tries to change
it, I'm gonna break his arm.

Hey, have a nice day.

He is incapable of change.

Unreliable, irresponsible.

Except for that
part about my hair,

I don't think there was one sincere,
honest word out of his mouth.

Didn't I just hear dad?

Phillip...

honey, your dad had to
cancel the camping trip.

Oh, darn.

It's because of business.

Yeah. He has to
work this weekend.

Boy, dad sure is slipping.

He usually comes up with
a better excuse than that.

Phillip, what are you saying?

Well, you know dad,

I never expect him to come
through on anything he says.

Honey, you don't?

Are you kidding?
The great charmer.

It's like all those times he
asked me to come live with him.

I know he doesn't mean it.

And besides, I'll
never leave you, Mom.

You really do know
your father, don't you?

Oh, sure, he's a great
guy and I love him.

But let's face it,

I never wanna buy
used car from him.

Well, I better unpack
some of my stuff.

Did you hear that?

Did you hear my son?

Your grandson?

He really knows how
to take care of himself.

Oh, honey, I just can't tell
you how proud I am of him.

Who are you calling?

I can't wait to tell
Sheila Hackett.

Okay, then it's all settled,

we'll go to see
that new love story

with Faye Dunaway
and Dustin Hoffman.

It's supposed to be the most
romantic picture of the year.

Hold it.

Vivian.

Have you seen the movie?

No.

Has anyone told you
about this picture?

No.

Have you read any reviews
or have been on a bus

were two people were
casually discussing the picture?

- No.
- Good.

Then that's the
one we're going to.

I don't wanna go.

But, cupcake, I thought
you loved Faye Dunaway.

I do. That's why I don't
wanna see a movie

where she dies at the end.

I thought you said you knew
nothing about this picture.

I don't, but Sheila
Hackett read the book

and she told me all about it.

I'll kill her.

I swear, I'll kill her.

- I'll kill her. Kill.
- Maude.

Kill, kill!

"Maude" was recorded on
videotape before a studio audience.

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪