Maude (1972–1978): Season 6, Episode 16 - Maude's Foster Child - full transcript

♪ Lady Godiva was
a freedom rider ♪

♪ She didn't care if the
whole world looked ♪

♪ Joan of Arc with
the Lord to guide her ♪

♪ she was a sister
who really cooked ♪

♪ Isadora was the
first bra burner ♪

♪ Ain't you glad
she showed up? ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ And when the country
was falling apart ♪

♪ Betsy Ross got
it all sewed up ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪



♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's... ♪

♪ That uncompromisin',
enterprisin' anything ♪

♪ But tranquilizin',
right on, Maude ♪

Victoria.

Yes, ma'am?

Why are you dressed like that?

This is a very special day.

You know, I bought you that lovely
Ethiopian outfit for the occasion,

I thought certainly
you'd have it on by now.

I'm not going to wear it.



I'm not an Ethiopian.

Well, what difference
does that make?

I'm not a football player
but I still wear pantyhose.

Well, you're closer
to a football player

than I am to an Ethiopian.

Yes, but you are
closer to unemployment

than I am to a football player.

Oh, Victoria, come on.

I know how proud you are
of your West Indian heritage.

I'm not asking you to
pretend you're Ethiopian.

The outfit is just symbolic.

Honey, you know,

I've been supporting
my Ethiopian foster child

for over 20 years and today

I'm finally going to see
him for the very first time.

And I wanna be sure that
he feels completely at home.

Should I put a bone
through my nose too?

Victoria, would you?

Hello?

Hello? Darkest Continent Cafe?

Yes, I understand that you serve

authentic African cuisine.

I was wondering if you
could tell me what they eat

in Ethiopia.

Ethiopia.

Ethi... I mean,

do you remember Mussolini?

Ah, yeah, well,

remember, Mussolini sent
the Italian army over there

thinking it would be
a breeze to conquer

but little plucky Haile Selassie

rallied his small
army of warriors

and well, he pretty
darn near threw out

those arrogant, inept Italians.

Yeah, isn't that
an inspiring story?

Your name is
Gino Balducci and...

Yes. Well... hello?

Hello? Hello?

Fascist.

Victoria, do you know
what they eat in Ethiopia?

White missionaries.

White missionaries.

A wisp of humor
from the kitchen.

You know, there are other places

to stick a bone besides a nose.

Maude, Maude, I'm
leaving for the airport

to pick up Ito.

Ito, Ito Scungaree.

Oh, Scunga, Scunga.

Oh, my foster child has
such an exotic name,

Scunga, Scunga.

Just sounds so African.

Scunga, Scunga.

Omgawa. Simba.

- You called, ma'am?
- Oh, shut up, Victoria.

Maude, how am I
gonna recognize Ito

at the airport?

Walter, it's simple.

Take the snapshot with you.

Oh, this picture
of Ito was taken

when he was seven years old.

Walter, how much can he
have changed in 23 years?

A lot.

Unless he turns
out to be a pygmy.

Unless he...

God, will get you
for that, Walter.

And if ours doesn't,
the pygmy god will.

And they have a lot of those.

Okay, okay, I'm going.

Oh, Walter.

Walter, do you
think he'll like it here?

Do you think he'll like me?

Oh, Maude, of
course he'll like you.

You've been sending the
orphanage money for him

since he was a little kid.

I know but a lot of people
support foster children.

Yeah?

How many people
find a black minister

who gets his congregation
to pay the plane fare

to bring their kid to
the United States?

That's true.

Now because of you, Maude,

the reverend is even gonna
find Ito a home and a job.

I mean, look at all
you've done for that kid.

I did all that, didn't I?

You sure did.

Now, in some ways
I'm a hell of a woman.

Oh, God you're lucky to have me.

You're right.

He'll love it.

Scunga.

Scunga, Scunga. Oh.

Oh, hello, Maude.

- Hey, Maudie.
- Oh, hello, Viv, Arthur.

Hey. What's that?

Say, Maudie, that's a
very good likeness of you.

Just gray up the
hair a little, you got it.

You know, Arthur, if
there really is a pygmy god,

he's going to bite
you on the ankle.

Oh, Arthur, stop it.

It hardly looks
at all like Maude.

Thank you, Vivian.

Oh gosh, aren't you excited?

It must be so wonderful
to have a foster child.

Oh, it is, Vivian, it is.

You know, there's
something so gratifying

about knowing that
somewhere a child has hope

because of your contribution.

You know, you and Arthur
should really help support

a foster child from one
of those poor countries.

Oh, sure, you
wooly-headed liberals

are always sending your
money to foreign countries,

never thinking of America.

Well, I believe in America.

Well, great, if
you feel that way

then why haven't you
helped support a poor family

right here in America?

What, those welfare chiselers?

Arthur, not all are poor
people are on welfare.

You're a doctor, why
don't you help some pauper

who just paid his medical bill?

Arthur, that's an idea.

We can adopt one
of your patients.

Reverend Buick, come right in.

Remember my neighbors,
Dr. and Mrs. Harmon?

Hello, Reverend,
nice to see you.

Doctor.

I wanted to stop
by, Mrs. Findlay,

before the banks closed.

I have a check here for $214.

That's the last of the money
my congregation owes you

for Ito's plane
fare from Ethiopia.

How can I thank you, Reverend?

When I first approached you

about helping me bring my
foster child over here from Ethiopia,

I never dreamed you'd
end up sponsoring him

and paying the whole
$1,800 plane fare.

$1,800?

Reverend, that's a lot of
money for a small church.

Yes, it is a lot of money.

That's why we talked the bank

into giving us a loan
on our church bus.

Reverend, you put up your
church bus as collateral?

Yes.

And now, of course we
have one little problem.

Oh, what's that?

We have to go out and get a bus.

But of course we have an
excellent gospel choir in our church

and it attracts big
crowds on Sundays

and everybody
chips in a little bit,

eventually, we should
make the money back.

Mrs. Findlay, I'll come back

and see Ito just as we planned.

Splendid.

Well, it's nice to see
you again, Reverend.

I'm gonna call the airport

to see if the plane is on time.

- Oh, Doctor?
- Yeah.

I've been having some
difficulty in getting a job for Ito.

I was wondering
if you could help.

Oh, no trouble at all.

I'll speak to four
of my colleagues

at the hospital.

Oh, you can get him
a job at the hospital?

No, the five of us
own a carwash.

Oh, well. Yes.

I'll see you all later.

Oh, Doctor, if we
ever do buy a bus,

we'll send it to your carwash.

Sure. It's on me.

That's exactly where
I intend to drive it.

Arthur, do you realize
what you just did?

Sure.

I offered to get an
unskilled foreigner

a nice job in our carwash

and that Reverend got huffy.

Get him, teeny, tiny, pygmy god.

Get him.

Hello.

I was wondering
if you could tell me

what they serve for
dinner in Ethiopia.

What?

Well, isn't this
Congo Bill's Delights?

It is, but you're a
massage parlor.

Sorry.

Victoria, you look stunning.

Oh, Walter is going to be
here with Ito any minute.

I know he'll feel right at
home when he sees you.

I still don't like it.

Ito is from Ethiopia,
I'm from the West Indies,

why should I have
to dress like this

just because I'm the only
one in this house who's black.

Maude, He's here.

- He's here?
- Yes, Maude but...

He's here. Where is he?

Where is he? Where
is my Ito Scungaree?

Maude, he's bringing
in the rest of his stuff.

Maude, I think you may be
in for a little disappointment.

Oh, Walter, don't be silly.

I've waited too long
for this moment.

Oh, Walter.

Just think, 23 years ago,
a little Ethiopian orphan

cried out for help

and I happily answered that cry.

My hands crossed an ocean

and helped a child
in a little country

that had been ravaged
by the Italian invaders.

Walter, after all this
time, this little black boy

is going to come
through that door,

a strong, proud, black man.

Mama mia.

Oh.

I'm so glad to see you.

Who are you?

You don't recognize
your foster bambino?

My, my, my fost...

But, but you're not black.

You're, you're Italian.

What happened to
my Ito Scungaree.

That's me.

Benito Scungaree.

Mama mia!

Mama, why you not
happy to see me?

Well, you know how it is, Ito,

kids never turn out the
way you expect them to.

Walter, please, if I
want a comedian,

I'll adopt Chevy Chase.

It's not that I'm
not glad to see you,

it's just that I'm,
I'm surprised.

I mean, you look
so, so much darker

in this snapshot you sent me.

That's not me.

That's my friend Leroy Selassie.

That's me.

What's you?

Thatsa.

Whatsa?

There, that's my hand
on Leroy's shoulder.

Would you believe it?

For 20 years, I've
been supporting a hand.

Now time to meet
your foster where is he?

This is he, Victoria.

I'm pleased to meet you.

- You're Ethiopian?
- Si.

- Are you Ethiopian?
- No.

I'm Swedish.

Mama mia, let's sit
down and get acquainted.

Oh, Ma, what a beautiful house.

You see, on the
way from the airport,

Ito told me that his father
was in the Italian army

and he stayed in Ethiopia

and he brought
over an Italian wife

and eventually they had Ito.

But when his parents died,

he wound up in the orphanage.

Oh.

Oh.

Uh, what happened
to your parents, Ito?

They was killed,

rhino accident.

A rhino accident?

They forget the first
rule of the jungle,

never stand between two rhinos

in the mating season.

Ito, I feel terrible
about your parents.

I'm really awfully sorry,

but I hope you realize what
you've been doing with me,

for 20 years, you have
been deceiving me.

- But what I do?
- Oh, don't give me

that big innocent, what I do?

- You know what you do.
- What?

Oh!

For 20 years now we've
been exchanging letters,

all you ever talked
about was Ethiopia.

You never once
were honest enough

to mention the fact
that you're Italian.

So, you never tell
me you was tall, eh?

Look, I'm only
writing about Ethiopia

because that's all
you've asked me about.

Ito, you're missing
the whole point.

For 20 years I thought I was
supporting a black orphan.

Maude, look on the bright side,

he may not be black,

but he is an orphan.

I find no comfort
in that, Walter.

Ito, this is nothing personal

but you've caused a
great many problems

for a great many people.

Mi scusi, you know,
capisco, I'm no understand.

A black minister put
his church into debt

in order to pay
for your plane fare.

As a matter of fact the
church the church choir

is going to do a concert
to try to raise the money

- to repay it.
- Concert?

I'm a singer.

I'm-a have a beautiful voice.

I'm-a sing African folk songs

about the primitive
beauty of the jungle.

♪ Born free ♪

♪ As free as the grass grows ♪

♪ As free as the wind blows ♪

♪ Born free to
follow your heart ♪

Ito, Ito, Ito.

Much as I love the lions,
this is no time for singing.

Well, where is he?

We saw the, the car
out in the driveway.

Hello, there. Where is Ito?

Tell him his aunt Vivian
is dying to meet him.

Aunt Vivian? That's Aunt Vivian?

Oh, I got so
beautiful Aunt Vivian.

Why is this man
holding me so tight?

Because this is Ito,

only his real name is Benito
Scungaree and he's Italian.

All right Ito, you
can let go now.

Oh, no. That's all right.

I just wondered why?

Italian? I thought your foster
child was from Ethiopia?

Arthur, he is from Ethiopia,

but his parents were Italian.

Oh.

Then he isn't black.

Arthur, you see, this
is why you're a doctor,

nothing escapes
that trained eye.

Oh, I imagine Reverend Buick

is going to be surprised.

Surprised? Surprised?
He's going to kill me.

He's not about to pay to fly an
Italian over here from Ethiopia.

He can bring one in
by bus from Jersey City.

Look, I'm-a cause
too much trouble.

I think the best thing is

I find some way to
get back to Ethiopia.

And someday I'm-a pay
you back all your money.

When I'm-a a great singer.

Well, as we say in Ethiopia,

Arrivederci.

Ito, wait, wait.

Look, I, I admit
I'm very unhappy

about the ways
things have turned out,

but for over 20 years now
you've been my foster son

and you're still my foster son.

I don't care what color you are,

you're welcome to
stay in this house.

Well, mama knows best.

Where's my room?

Walter, I think the
room over the garage

would be perfect for Ito.

Would you show him where it is?

Come on, Ito.

♪ Born free ♪

♪ As free as the grass grows ♪

♪ As free as the wind ♪

He has a very nice voice.

Great. He can sing at my funeral

once Reverend
Buick hears about his.

That's Reverend Buick.

Where in Tuckahoe can I find

two rhinos in heat?

Oh, Reverend,
ladies, come right in.

Thank you, Mrs. Findlay.

Ah, Reverend, good to see.

I'm sure you and Maude
have a lot to talk about

and frankly, I don't wanna
get in the middle of this mess.

I'm taking my
wife out to dinner.

Oh, oh, I feel like
spaghetti and meatballs.

- Yeah.
- Oh, gosh.

I'm sorry, Maude.

Mrs. Findlay,

these ladies are the finest
singers in our gospel choir.

This is Rachel Winters,

Jessica Franklin,

and her sister-in-law Aretha.

Aretha Franklin, now that
is certainly a famous name.

It should be, she's been
singing in our choir for 16 years.

Oh, oh, Reverend,

I, I suddenly feel so,

so inadequate.

Oh, you shouldn't.

It was your encouragement
that made it possible for us

to reach out our
hands to a black brother

in another land.

Reverend, may I speak frankly?

Yes, Mrs. Findlay?

Reverend, you and I

have always
thought exactly alike.

We have both always
fought for equality.

We both feel that
men are brothers,

that all men are the same color.

- Is that true?
- No.

Nobody's ever
mistaken me for white.

No. What I mean is, of
course there is black and white,

but really what is
black and white?

A police car.

And they've never
mistaken me for white either.

Has Ito gotten here yet?

Yes, he has.

Maude... oh, hi, Reverend.

Oh, Mr. Findlay.

I'd like you to meet these
ladies from our choir.

Look, Reverend, I have
to say something to you.

You and your congregation
have acted in good faith.

I think it's only fair that
you get the same treatment.

Before you meet Ito,

there is something
that I wanna tell you.

♪ Born free ♪

♪ As free as the
grass grows, as free...

Would you believe
that's a jungle folk song?

♪ And to follow...

Mama mia, what a beautiful room.

It's not like my old room at
the orphanage, you know.

Orphanage? Who is he?

He?

This young man is
one of nature's oddities.

He is a rare Ethiopian-Albino.

With an Italian accent?

That is what makes him so rare.

You don't mean...

I'm afraid I do.

Don't tell me he's...

Yes, I'm afraid he is.

Are you trying to say that we...

I'm afraid we did.

What kind of fraud
do you call this?

I'm afraid so.

Oh, Reverend, can he help
it if he's of Italian descent?

Can he help it if
he's an orphan?

Can he help it if
we made a mistake?

This boy was born in Ethiopia.

He was raised in Ethiopia.

He is Ethiopian.

If I'm not Ethiopian,

my name is not Benito Scungaree.

Shut up your mouth.

You do understand, Reverend?

Surely, my dear lady,
you can appreciate

how embarrassing
it must be for me

to try to explain
to my congregation

how a well-intentioned
white lady

talked me into paying $1,800

to bring that man to America.

Reverend, Reverend,
certainly they'll understand.

Understand?

Understand?

You are looking at 200
years of being doped

by the white man.

Who has sold us
hair straightener,

skin whitener,
watered down whiskey,

and a lifetime repayment loan.

We've been sold all the
white man's inferior goods

and inferior bads including

separate but equal,
"Amos and Andy"

and the notion that we
make good pushers, pimps,

cotton-picker, shoeshine boys,

but, Mrs. Findlay,

in all these years,

no one to my knowledge
has ever tried to sell us

an Italian for an Ethiopian.

Wonderful, wonderful.

Now, I have finally seen

real humanitarian
religion in action.

This is the wonderful
man of the cloth

that I respected so.

This is the man who
has always fought

against prejudice
and never practiced it.

Well, I'm going to give you back

that check that you
brought me earlier

and I am also going to
write out a check right away

for the remainder of
the 1,800 I owe you.

- Maude, we can't afford that.
- I don't care.

We'll mortgage the
house, we'll sell the car,

we'll borrow from friends,
we'll do whatever we have to do.

I refuse to owe one
red cent to this man

who claims to be
a servant of God.

I supposed I spoke too soon.

The pressures of trying to
raise large sums of money

and the prospect to
facing my congregation

made me forget what I am.

Doing the work of
our Lord is not easy.

I even have problems
with my choir.

- Serious problems?
- Yes.

Our lead tenor went with
Gladys Knight to be a Pip.

Hey, I'm-a sing in your choir.

Thank you.

But I don't think people
will pay good money

to hear our church choir sing,

"Come on to my house."

You want a gospel?

Hey, I was raised in
a religious orphanage.

Sisters, listen.

Praise Him.

♪ Praise Him ♪

♪ Praise him ♪

♪ Praise Him in the mornings ♪

♪ Praise him in the noon today ♪

♪ Praise Him ♪

♪ Praise him ♪

♪ Praise him when
the sun goes down ♪

What do you say, Mrs. Findlay?

We split the mistake down
the middle and go 50/50?

Reverend, I would say
you got yourself a deal.

♪ Praise him ♪

♪ Praise him when
the sun goes down ♪

♪ Why don't you
come in His house ♪

♪ Why don't you
come in His house? ♪

"Maude" was recorded on
videotape before a studio audience.

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪