Maude (1972–1978): Season 6, Episode 10 - Businessperson of the Year - full transcript

♪ Lady Godiva was
a freedom rider ♪

♪ she didn't care if the
whole world looked ♪

♪ Joan of Arc with
the Lord to guide her ♪

♪ She was a sister
who really cooked ♪

♪ Isadora was the
first bra burner ♪

♪ Ain't you glad
she showed up? ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ And when the country
was falling apart ♪

♪ Betsy Ross got
it all sewed up ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ Right on, Maude ♪



♪ Pack up all my care and woe ♪

♪ Here I go, singing low ♪

♪ Bye-bye ♪

♪ Blue bird ♪

Hello, Victoria.

Any news from Mr. Findlay?

Oh, not yet.

But I am keeping
my fingers crossed.

Victoria, this could be
a really big day for him.

Oh, I'll keep my
fingers crossed too.

Anything to add
to the grocery list?

I'm going shopping.

I don't think so, dear.

I'll see you later.



♪ Bye-bye ♪

♪ White bird ♪

I knew if God didn't
get me, you would.

Walter?

Oh. Oh, Mr. Gorman,

I was expecting some
important news from my husband.

Oh, you have some
important news for me too?

About the new shopping center?

Oh, well, please, go
ahead tell me all about it.

- Oh, Maude.
- Uh-huh.

Here's that recipe
for duckling a l'orange.

Uh-huh.

You know, in English,

- that means orange duck.
- Right.

Because the sauce
is made from oranges.

- Uh-huh.
- You know,

it's very rich because
duck is all dark meat.

- Huh.
- I think...

they ought to cross
a chicken with a duck.

You know, so there
could be some white meat.

- Yeah.
- They could call it a dicken.

- Or a chuck.
- Yeah.

Oh. I'll bet a little chuck

could be just as
cute as the dickens.

Just a moment,
Mr. Dickens... Mr...

Vivian, can't you see
I am on the phone?

- Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.
- It's my boss...

giving me some new details

about that shopping
center that I organized.

Forgive me for
rambling on like that.

Yeah, you were
saying, Mr. Gorman?

I don't know what comes
over me sometimes.

I don't know whether I'm...
Whether I'm being thoughtless

or whether I'm just plain rude.

- Uh-huh.
- Golly,

Golly, I hope I'm
just thoughtless

because I really hate
to think of myself...

that truly... oh...

I'm sorry.

Oh, Mr. Gorman, I got...

I can't take all the credit

for the shopping center.

I... oh, I can't.

I... oh, I can't.

Super salesman?

Moi?

Oh.

Oh, Mr. Gorman,

you're making a girl blush.

No, I have a friend
here who could tell you

I'm actually blushing.

She looks just like
an orange duck.

Mr. Gorman, no, I
cannot take all the credit.

Let's just... Let's say
it was a team effort.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Bye-bye. Honestly, Viv.

I'm sorry.

Oh, that's all right.

Honey, this is
really turning out

to be a banner
day for the Findlays.

You know, I was expecting Walter

to call me with some
very important news.

Instead, it was my
boss, Mr. Gorman.

Do you know that we
rented the very last shop

in that mall just today?

Oh, gee.

Oh, Vivian, it is so gratifying.

Oh, yeah. Well,
especially when you think

that just six months
ago that was all

just a bunch of
abandoned store fronts

facing an old dirty street.

That's right.

Oh, darn it. Why
doesn't Walter call?

And what news are
you expecting from him?

What news?

The Tuckahoe League of Commerce

Annual Businessman
of the Year Award.

Oh, yes, the nominating
committee meets today.

I should know.
Arthur's a member.

That's right. And Walter stands

a very good chance
of being nominated.

You know, that means
that he could win

the Tuckahoe Businessman
of the Year trophy

for the third year in a row.

- I know.
- Vivian, that's unprecedented.

Just think. Walter could
get his third Tuckey.

Hey, you know,
that's not a bad idea.

Well, I don't understand.

A Tuckey.

You could cross a
turkey with a duck.

It was just a thought.

I'm just kidding.

Maude.

Walter.

- Maude.
- Walter.

- Maude.
- Walter.

- Maude.
- Walter.

- Maude.
- Walter.

- Oh, Maude.
- Oh, Walter.

Gee, what a nice greeting.

Arthur just gives me
a punch on the arm.

You got the nomination?

I sure did.

Oh, Walter, this is so exciting.

Who are you up against?

I don't know yet. Arthur
slipped out and phoned me

as soon as I was nominated

and he said there's
only one other nominee,

but he doesn't
know who it is yet.

Oh, I can't wait for that
banquet Saturday night.

- Three Tuckeys.
- Oh.

Maude, do you know
why this is so important?

If a man wins three
Tuckeys in a row,

they name a street after him.

- Wow.
- Oh.

That's right.

They're going to name a
prominent street after me.

Do you realize what
an honor this is?

The last time a guy
got three Tuckeys

in a row was back in 1952.

Walter, we have
a prominent street

named after a businessman?

Sure, Maude.

Who won in 1952?

JP Elm.

Oh.

He used to own

- Elm Lumber and Supply.
- Elm Lumber and Supply.

Vivian, please go and
find if Arthur is home.

- Oh, yeah.
- I got to know

who the other nominee is.

- Okay.
- Vivian, hurry.

Oh, but wait a minute.

What if... what if Arthur
took a sacred oath

and swore on the Bible
not to tell anybody?

What if he did?

Right.

Honey, what's that?

The city map.

They've already
picked out the location.

Maude, you see the
street that runs along here?

The dead end
leading to the dump?

That's gonna be
Walter Findlay Drive.

Oh, Walter. I'm so proud of you,

I could cry.

Oh, I'm so proud too, Maude.

Maybe it's because I
never had any children.

I don't understand.

Well, Maude, that's my
one bid for immortality.

See, right now I have...

nothing to carry on
the Findlay name.

Oh, Walter.

Six pieces of luggage
is hardly nothing.

I got to win,
Maude. I just got to.

Oh, Walter. Of
course, you'll win.

Who could they possibly nominate

who's done more for
this town than you have?

Remember Walter,
that it was Walter Findlay

who single-handedly got the city

to buy those
three-wheeled bicycles

for those lovely old people

up at the Mapleton
Home for the Aged.

Maude, that could
be a strike against me.

Oh, Walter, don't be silly.

You had no way of knowing
how slippery Deadman's Hill

was going to be when it rained.

I guess you're right.

It's the thought that counts.

Of course, I'm right.

Oh, Walter. I'm so proud of you

and I'm a little jealous too.

- Jealous?
- That's right.

I envy you with all your

big league business
maneuverings.

I had a little taste of that

when I was working on
the old town mall project.

Hey there, Walter.

Congratulations.

Arthur,

who's the other nominee?

So you wanna know who
you're up against, huh?

Arthur, please tell
me. I got to know.

We're dying of curiosity.

All right.

Let me give you a hint.

Who is the last
person in Tuckahoe

that you would expect
to get a business award?

You, Arthur? I'm up against you?

No, worse than me.

Then who?

You.

Me?

Maude?

They expect me to
run against my own wife

for Businessman of the Year?

Oh, Arthur, that's ridiculous.

Maude wants me to win.

Now, obviously, Maude would have

to withdraw from the contest.

Arthur, what could those guys

on the committee
have been thinking?

Give me a cup of coffee.

I'll tell you what happened.

Maude will have to withdraw.

Listen. All of us
met in this room

and we were sitting
around talking...

Maude Findlay Boulevard.

Maude Findlay Boulevard.

You hit the nail right
on the head, Walter.

The only sensible answer

is for Maude to withdraw.

Sure.

Maude, you'll have to withdraw.

Arthur, but it's still an honor.

Remember, she was the only
woman ever to be nominated.

Of course.

Listen, I think Maude
deserves a big hand

for the work she did
on the old town mall.

Arthur, let's give Maude a hand.

Right on, Maude.

Well done.

But no wife should
be silly enough

to compete against
her own husband.

I mean, that's
grounds for divorce.

Or worse.

But Arthur, all kidding
aside, and seriously,

scout's honor, normally,

I'm in favor of equal
rights for women

but this Businessman of
the Year Award is different.

It's important.

- Walter.
- Yes, Maude?

Walter.

Walter, do you still

keep your gun

downstairs in the basement?

- Yes, Maude.
- A gun?

Maude, I hope you're
not gonna be silly enough

to get upset about this.

And is the toolbox

with the gun in it

still just underneath
the workbench?

- Now, Maude.
- Hey, hey,

if you're gonna get
a gun, I'm going.

Now, just remember, you
two are still husband and wife.

My advice is shake hands

and say to each other,

"May the best man win."

Give me the key to the toolbox.

I'm going.

Come on, Maude.

It's no big deal.

I know you're flattered,

but do you really
think you deserve

the award more than me?

Why don't we just let the
award jury decide that?

Look, Walter, I know
this is important to you

but why can't it be
important to me too?

I mean, Walter, I
did a marvelous job

with that old town mall.

Maude, a lot of people are
involved with that project.

Yes, but Walter, I was the one

who insisted that we preserve

the flavor of those
historical old buildings.

You know that we rented
the last shop just today.

Walter, it was because of me

that that mall is like

taking a walk back
into the 19th century.

Like the 19th century?

Star Wars Beef Tip Shack?

What about that Western store?

Cohen's Cowboy Corral?

Don't you laugh at me, Walter.

Don't you dare laugh at me.

Maude, Arthur just told me

that you and Walter are
fighting with each other.

Walter thinks I'm
not important enough

to get the Tuckey.

He's in there laughing at me.

Maude, you cannot
let the competition

for this award
destroy your marriage.

What? Do you expect
me to withdraw?

No, no. Now, sit down here.

Sit down a minute.
I'm gonna talk to you.

Listen, Maude, do you
remember when you and I

were in college together

way back there in 1946?

Yes.

We were pretty
competitive with each other,

wouldn't you say?

Yeah, I guess,
we're competitive.

You're right.

Maude, there was something

you did to me once in college.

All in the ugly
spirit of competition

that just about broke my heart,

but I understood.

I didn't let it destroy the love

we felt for each other.

I think you know
what I'm referring to.

Of course, I do.

I've been guilty for years.

Well, I should hope so.

Vivian, I don't know
what got into me.

I knew you had your heart set on

going up to Dartmouth
for the Winter Carnival,

but when Jerry Masterson

called to invite you, I lied.

I said you were sick
and you couldn't go.

I was selfish, Vivian.

I wanted you to...

I wanted you to stay on campus

and help me study
for our French exam.

Jerry Masterson invited me

to the Winter Carnival?

Well, isn't that what
you were referring to?

The terrible thing
that I did to you?

No, I never knew he invited me.

Oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Well then, I know
what you're referring to.

It has to do with
that French exam

that I just mentioned.

Vivian, what could I do?

When Ms. Devereaux
asked me why we both

had exactly the same answers,

I couldn't lie.

I had to tell her that you

let me copy from your paper.

So what if we
both got Fs, Vivian?

That was a long time ago.

You mean I got an F
on that French exam

because you squealed on me?

Vivian, you knew that.

I never knew that at all.

Oh.

Oh, then, I know what you mean.

There was only one
other terrible thing

that I ever did and, Vivian,

I am so sorry.

I mean, I knew you were pinned

to Jerry Masterson.

I knew you were in
love with him and...

when he called and I told him

that you were too sick to
go to the Winter Carnival,

well, I will never,
ever understand

why I accepted his
invitation to go in your place.

You went to the Winter
Carnival with Jerry Masterson?

Come on, Viv. You
knew all about that.

No.

Oh.

Well, I'll tell you
the truth, Viv.

It was no big deal.

I mean, we went ice skating.

We had a few
beers and then we...

lay on our backs
and made angels.

You and Jerry Masterson

made angels in the snow?

Actually, it was on
the carpet in his room.

Vivian. Vivian.

What's wrong with Vivian?

I think she's having
a delayed reaction.

From what?

The winter of '46.

You know, Walter,
Vivian just made

a very interesting
point about the...

About the destructiveness
of competition, Walter,

right before she went to pieces

and she's right, Walter.

We can't let this silly award

eat away at our marriage.

Why not?

They're gonna name
a street after me.

And I'm going to drive a team

of well-fed horses
down that street.

That street could be the
biggest honor of my life.

You have thousands of honors.

That den in there is a
shrine to you, Walter.

Your Tuckeys,
your track ribbons,

your boxing trophies.

Walter, I am a
sensitive, feeling woman.

Don't you think I
would like a room

for my boxing trophies?

If you beat me
out for that award,

I'll be a laughingstock.

Who says? Who says?

Who says that the man has to win

and the woman
always has to lose?

That's just the
way the world is.

Not anymore.

What have you done to Vivian?

She came home
sobbing hysterically.

What have you done to her?

All right, Arthur. I
might as well confess.

We tied her to a chair

and I worked her
over with rubber hose.

Oh.

That's a joke.

Arthur, we were
having a little discussion

and Vivian became upset.

Yes, and I know what caused it.

More bickering about this

Businessman of
the Year business.

You know, Maude,
you're not exactly up

for the Nobel Peace Prize.

It is important to me, Arthur.

Sure, but don't get
carried away by it.

I mean, the only reason
you were nominated

is because the
guys figured that,

well, with all these
woman's rights junk

going around that they
would get some publicity

if they nominated a woman
for the award this year.

That's all.

You mean, they
don't think I deserve it?

You mean, I'm just a token?

Well, yes, Maudie.

I'm afraid that's the way it is.

I assumed you'd figure that out

and yet the committee
voted for you,

eight to one.

Well, I got to get
back to Vivian.

Well, I don't want that
award if it's tokenism.

It's worthless. It's degrading.

I'm with you.

That's the reason
I was the only one

who voted against
you. I'll see you.

Well, I'm so sorry.

It's so unfair.

Obviously, I'll withdraw now.

No, Maude.

I don't want you to withdraw.

Look, 10 minutes ago,
I thought that trophy

was the greatest
thing in the world,

but right now I wouldn't
accept that lousy award

if they begged me to take it.

I mean, they're not gonna
make a token out of my wife

and think they can
get away with it.

Honey, what can we do?

We can turn it down.

That's what we can do.

Turn down the Tuckey?

That's right.

Whoever wins will get up

and tell them
exactly what we think

of their dumb trophy.

Walter, that is a
marvelous idea.

Let's do it. Let's do it.

Let's like... let's make
this a real statement

on behalf of equal
rights for everyone.

Oh, Walter, are you sure?

I mean, what about your street?

Walter Findlay Drive.

Your bid for immortality?

Oh, what kind of immortality

is it when someone says

turn left off Main and take
Walter Findlay to the dump?

And now... and
now I'd like to salute

some of the people who have made

tonight's program possible.

For those wonderful cashews

that we all enjoyed
before dinner,

we wanna thank
Clyde's House of Nuts.

964 Main Street.

The flower arrangement
just couldn't have been better.

Walter, I'm so proud of us,

I mean turning down
this important award.

Yes, we're something.

You know what it
says about us, Walter?

It says that we are
perfectly matched.

We both want the same thing.

Maude, can I have
your banana cream pie?

Oh, Walter.

You had yours. This is mine.

You see, I'm right?

We both want the same thing.

Come on, Maude.
You don't want it.

You know I love
banana cream pie.

Honey, I may want it later.

Oh, Maude.

Walter, come on.

They're getting ready
to announce the award.

We'd like to say
thank you one and all.

And now, let's get
to the main event

of tonight's program.

The annual Businessman
of the Year Award.

We are proud to
say that Tuckahoe

is for equal rights.

That's right.

And one of the nominees of
tonight's award is a woman,

Maude Findlay, who helped
out with the old town mall.

And of course the other nominee

is none other
than Walter Findlay

of Findlay's
Friendly Appliances.

That's Maude's husband.

And as I'm sure you all know

that Walter has won
the Tuckey twice in a row.

He is poised on the
brink of his third victory.

And now without further ado,

let's find out who
the lucky winner is.

Here we are.

By golly, it's Walter Findlay.

Come on up here, Walter.

Darling, I love you so

for what you're about to do.

Walter, it's so brave.

It's so unselfish.

I want you all to understand

that I know this is
meant as a great honor.

I mean, it's my third Tuckey.

It's the third year in a row

that you singled me out...

My peers have singled me out

as the best among them.

But this year, there's
something different.

That's right.

This year, we're gonna
name a street after you.

Oh, yeah, that's
right, the street.

Well, I admit I've dreamed about

having that street
named after me.

It's something I
wanted very much.

I mean, a street would
make my name live on.

It would mean
that after I'm gone,

little children would say,

"Say, let's go and
play ball over on

Walter Findlay Drive."

Young lovers would say,

"The first time I kissed her

was under the sycamore tree on

Walter Findlay Drive."

Old folks would say,

"Gee, it's a nice
night for a stroll

on Walter Findlay Drive."

Walter Findlay Drive.

I accept.

I wanna thank everybody
who voted for me

and I promise to live
up to this great honor.

- Walter.
- Maude,

I know what you're gonna say.

No, you don't, sweetheart.

No, you don't. I've
made a decision.

I really don't want this pie.

You can have it.

"Maude" was
recorded on videotape

before a studio audience.

♪ Oh, yeah ♪