Maude (1972–1978): Season 5, Episode 6 - Walter's Crisis: Part 3 - full transcript

Walter's depression of his loss of money and work continues. Since he is unable to sleep, he takes a sleeping pill, but then swallows more pills than necessary for sleep.

Last week, on Maude.

What about the job?

Walter, I'm sorry. I
thought you knew.

I don't have any jobs
open at my place.

What are you talking about?

Well, frankly,

I was looking for

- a much younger man.
- Younger man.

Aww, the poor guy.

Don't you say that
in front of Walter.

If there's one thing he
doesn't want, it's sympathy!



Now he's home and he's happy

and let's just let
him sleep it off.

- Maudie, I'm not
sure that he's drunk.
- Oh, come on, Arthur.

Now, Maude, I didn't smell
any liquor on his breath

and I didn't like the
way his eyes looked.

Carol, tell Vivian to hurry
upstairs with that coffee!

That's it, come on.

Walter, how could
you do this to me?!

Come on, boy! Come
on, we're gonna wake him.

Oh, Walter, please
don't leave me!

Come on! Wake
up! Come on, Walter!

(music playing)

♪ Lady Godiva was
a freedom rider ♪

♪ She didn't care if the
whole world looked ♪



♪ Joan of Arc, with
the Lord to guide her ♪

♪ She was a sister
who really cooked ♪

♪ Isadora was the
first bra burner ♪

♪ Ain't ya glad she showed up? ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ And when the country
was falling apart ♪

♪ Betsy Ross got
it all sewed up ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ Right on, Maude. ♪

(Nurse) Alright, I'll
hold, but please hurry.

Excuse me. I'm
Mrs. Walter Findlay.

My husband came here last
night. He's a patient of Dr. Harmon's.

I was told if I came back this
morning at 8:00 I could see him.

It's 8:00 right now.

Nurse, this is important.

So is this.

Nurse, you don't understand.

My husband took an
overdose of sleeping pills.

He almost died. I haven't even
seen him yet. I'm terribly worried.

I'm very worried
about my husband, too,

he's terribly sick.

I'm trying to get him
some decent care!

Can't you get him in here?

He is in here.

I'm trying to get
him a private room.

- Ah.
- Yes?

Well, let me know as
soon as you can, eh?

- Now, what's the name?
- Walter Findlay.

29A. He's conscious now.

Thank you. Oh, tell me, what's
wrong with your husband?

He checked in yesterday
with a case of the shingles.

Now he's in intensive care.

Intensive...

I had no idea shingles
could be that serious!

They're not.

A nurse gave him
the wrong medication.

That is terrible!

I know, but I can't blame her.

I've made the same
mistake myself.

Walter?

Walter, darling.

Are you feeling better?

Arthur should be
here any minute.

He says you're fine.

And you look fine.

Now, there's nothing
like a good night's sleep.

I mean...

I mean you needed the rest.

Arthur says you're fine.

Oh, I said that, didn't I?

Well...

anyway, darling. It's certainly
good news for all of us.

They think I'm crazy here.

Walter! Nobody
thinks any such thing.

Yes, they do! They
think I'm crazy!

(Maude) Oh, Walter.

Yesterday, I said to myself,

"Here I am, worrying
about being bankrupt.

Worrying because
I can't find a job.

Worrying because there's
no hope for the future.

Why the hell am
I killing myself?"

That's when I
decided to kill myself.

Oh, darling, I understand.

You do, but they don't.
They think I'm crazy.

Honey, do you remember
that joke about the motorist

who was changing a tire
outside the mental hospital?

No.

Well, this motorist was changing
a tire outside a mental hospital

when he took off three of the bolts and
they rolled right down into a sewer drain.

The man stood there and he goes,
"Oh, good Lord, what am I gonna do now?"

When suddenly, an inmate

from the other side
of the fence said,

"Hey, Mister, why don't you take

one bolt from each of
the other three wheels?"

Well, the guy was
amazed, you know?

He said "Excuse me, but what
are you doing in a mental hospital?"

So the inmate said "Well, I'm
here because I'm crazy, not stupid."

(laughing)

What's that got to do with me?

You're here because
you're stupid, not crazy.

Darling, look what
I've brought you.

Your favorite candies,
chocolate covered cherries.

Good. Feed me one.

Here, darling, open
the box, Walter.

No, Maude! Feed me one.

Walter, you're
acting like a little boy.

That's because I'm crazy.

Walter, you stop that. I really
don't want to hear that again.

Would you pull down
the blanket for me?

Of course, darling. It's so warm
in here, all you really need is...

These cherries
aren't the ones...

that you normally get, but I think
you'll like them. They're Fanny Farmer.

I didn't have time
to go to K-mart.

- Maude.
- Yes, dear?

I know it's none
of my business, but

am I strapped to the bed?

Well...

yes.

How about another cherry?

Maude, this is the
rubber room, isn't it?

Honey, you know what you
need? You need some light in here.

Today is one of the most
beautiful days we've had... I think...

Cuckoo's nest, isn't it,
Maude? The nutsy ward!

Now, where did you get
a crazy id... ea like that?

Well, look at me! Anybody
wearing this much leather

should be on a motorcycle!

Darling, look, Arthur explained
to me that so many sleeping pills

can have terrible after effects.

Darling, he probably just wanted to be
sure that you wouldn't go into convulsions.

Darling, these restraints are
simply a safety precaution.

- Is that all?
- Well, of course that's all.

Darling, you're in a hospital.

The only thing that anybody cares
about in here is your well-being.

I mean, all the doctors
and nurses ever think about

is the best possible
care for the patient.

Time for your medication.

Over my dead body!

- Wait a minute,
is this Findlay?
- Yes.

Oh, well, I guess
these aren't for him.

What are they?

Sleeping pills.

This is just what we
were talking about!

Funny, isn't it. (laughs)

A riot, yes.

Joke's on me! (laughing)

Maude, get me out
of here! I want out!

- Get me out of here!
- Please, darling, calm down.

Hello, Maudie!

- Hello, Arthur.
- Good morning, Walter.

Well!

You gave us quite
a scare last night.

Arthur will you get
these straps off me?

Oh, of course, old buddy.

- You don't need those anymore.
- You see.

Uh, Maude, would you
hold that for me, please?

As a matter of fact,

why don't you read it?

Are those my release papers?

No, no, no. Your release
papers are out at the desk.

Those are just some forms from
a friend of mine, a Dr. Bob Slager.

- Dr. Slager, huh?
- Yeah.

What kind of doctor is he?

From this, I'd say he's
a very good doctor.

He is.

One of the best in his field.

But what's his field?

Well, he's an
expert on this stuff.

Arthur, when you go to the
office, what does it say on his door?

The same thing it says on my
door, "A medical corporation."

- Arthur!
- Alright, alright, Walter.

He's a psychiatrist.

- And you want me to go see him?
- Well, not exactly.

I talked your case over
with Dr. Slager, and...

well, he feels it
would be best for you

to go downtown for a
few days of observation.

- That's what
the papers are for.
- Where downtown, Arthur?

The Jordan Mental Health Center.

Mental health center?!

Come on, Arthur! I may
be stupid, but I'm not crazy!

(laughs)

Walter, this is just routine.

Look, if you came home now,

you'd be facing the same
problems that got you in here.

You're just not ready to deal
with them on your own yet.

Maude, will you tell him?

You don't want me
in some booby hatch!

You want me home
with you, right?

Maude?

- Darling, it's only
for 72 hours.
- (Arthur) Yeah.

Oh, that's great.

My wife and my best
friend think I'm nuts.

Well, I'm not going!

- No, no, I'm not!
- Now, Walter!

No! No! No! I am not going!

Walter, you'll like
the Jordan Center.

It's just like this
hospital, lovely facilities,

very competent staff.

Mr. Findlay, do I give
you your enema now?

He's here because he's
stupid, not constipated!

What are you afraid of, Maude?!

I may make another attempt?

Don't worry. Remember,
I'm Walter Findlay!

I failed at business,

I failed at getting
myself a job,

I couldn't even
kill myself right!

(yelling) Will you
stop it, Walter!?

Stop it! Please!

(crying) Please! Please! Please!

Maude... okay.

Okay, Okay.

Maude.

All right, I'm
convinced. I'll go in.

Do I sign the commitment
papers with a pen or finger paints?

Come on, Walter.
It's not a commitment.

You're simply
volunteering for treatment.

Great. Listen, it
could be the best thing

that ever happened to
me. I could learn a trade.

Leather craft!

I could make my own straps
with my initials on them, "CW."

Crazy Walter!

All in all, I'd say he's
taking it pretty well.

Yep, watch out, love,
hot stuff behind you!

Since when is fruit
punch been hot stuff?

Who said anything about punch!

(laughing)

Oh, Mrs. Naugatuck,
this looks wonderful.

I really didn't expect you
to prepare such a feast!

Well, it's a special occasion.

Mr. Findlay's been
gone a whole week

and I want to show
him how we missed him.

Besides, I don't expect they
fed him too well at that loony bin.

Mrs. Naugatuck, the Jordan Mental
Health Center is not a loony bin.

Now, when Walter
walks through that door,

I do not want any references
made to screwy or loony or crazy.

- Do you understand?
- Yes.

And get those
nuts off the table.

I'm sorry I snapped.

Oh, it's just that I'm so nervous.
I haven't seen Walter in a week.

Didn't you go to visit him?

No, Dr. Slager asked me not
to. They discourage visitors.

That's a good idea.
Poor Mr. Findlay.

He wouldn't like
strangers staring at him

just because his
phone's off the hook.

Bert, that is exactly the kind
of remark I do not want to hear!

I don't want any talk
like this in front of Walter.

And get rid of
the fruitcake, too.

- Hi, Mother.
- Oh, Carol,

you're home early from
work. That's wonderful, dear.

And... I stopped by the
drug store and picked

up the electric razor
you wanted for Walter.

Oh, thank you,
darling. Thank you.

Carol, are you
sure this is safe?

Of course it's safe! What can
he do with an electric razor?

Couldn't you get one
with a shorter cord?

Mother, you're being silly.

I can understand you
hiding the knives and the pills,

- but this is going too far.
- Oh, you're probably right.

It's just that I've never been
through anything like this before.

I don't know what I'm
gonna say to Walter.

What if he's changed?

It'll be all right, ma'am.

Of course it will.

How much can he
change in a week?

And that's another thing.

Why did they keep
him a whole week?

He was only supposed
to be there for three days.

Oh, Carol, I've just missed
him. I've missed him so.

Poor, sweet Mr. Findlay.

You never know how
much you miss a man

until he snaps his twig.

Mrs. Naugatuck, please! I do
not want to hear remarks like that!

How many times
do I have to tell you?!

And do we really
need those bananas?!

- Maude! Good news! Good news! Hi, Carol!
- (Carol) Hi, Viv.

Arthur called just a few minutes
ago and he said Walter is just fine

and it should be
only a few minutes

before they're here from
the... you know where.

Vivian, there's
no need to be coy.

I mean, it's no secret.

Oh, well, from
the insane asylum.

Vivian, it is not
an insane asylum.

It is a mental health center.

Is everybody in this house
determined to drive me up the wall?

Mother, look, there
are too many of us here.

We're just making you nervous.

Now, why don't we all leave
so you can be alone with Walter?

No, no, I want you to stay.

I really don't wanna
be alone with Walter.

I mean, it's gonna
be so awkward at first.

I understand, Maude.

And when Walter gets here,
we won't leave your side.

Here's the cake!

(talking all at once)

That looks scrumptious!

Oh, Walter's really
going to love it, I know!

Hey, everybody,
guess who's here!

(talking all at once)

Walter, I missed you so!

Oh, you look wonderful!
How do you feel?

Oh, I feel great. It's so
good to see everybody!

- Carol!
- Walter!

- Vivian!
- Walter!

Walter, you're the
picture of mental health.

Thank you, Vivian.

Mrs. Naugatuck!

- Bert!
- Mr. Findlay, good to see you!

- Philip.
- Aww, grandpa!

Come here and look at all this great
food Mrs. Naugatuck made for you!

Oh, food. I just ate.

Arthur, he looks wonderful.

Why did he have to
stay there a whole week?

Maude, I'm afraid
we have a problem.

- What problem?
- Maude, come here!

Look at this beautiful cake!

I know, darling!
It's your favorite,

- German chocolate.
- Now let's all have a piece.

Now, you're the party boy,
Walter, so you cut the cake.

Well, to tell the truth,
I'm really not that hungry,

but everybody else go ahead.

Ah, Mrs. Naugatuck, would you
spoon up some cake for everybody.

Maude, could I see you alone
for a minute in the kitchen?

Alone?

Yes, I want to be
alone with my wife.

Come on, Maude.

I'll be alone in the
kitchen with Walter.

I have something very important to
tell you and I hope you understand.

(Vivian) Ah, Mrs.
Naugatuck forgot the coffee.

(talking all at once)

You see, while I was away
I had a lot of time to think.

(all) ♪ For he's a
jolly good fellow ♪

♪ Which nobody can deny. ♪

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

I'm not a jolly good fellow!

Last week I took an
overdose of sleeping pills

and for the last seven days
I've been in a mental hospital.

And this is not a
welcome home party!

I'm going back to the
hospital at 9 o'clock tonight.

Maude, that's what I was
trying to explain to you.

I'm sorry.

I... just don't think I'm...

ready to come home yet.

I'm going upstairs to...

pack a few things
to take back with me.

(Carol) Mother.

Folks, can I talk to
Maudie alone, please?

- Sure.
- Oh, sure.

Arthur, why does
he have to go back?

He doesn't, and
that's the problem.

What is the problem?
What is the problem?!

There's nothing really
wrong with Walter.

He just is running
away from responsibility,

and the Jordan Center's
the perfect place to do it.

No pressures, no demands...

What... tell me what do
I have to do to stop him?

Maudie, somehow, we have to
find a way to make him believe

he has some small
value in this world.

That his life means something!

Well, tell me, Arthur! What
do I have to do to show him?!

I'm sorry, Maudie.
I wish I knew.

I talked to Dr. Slager.
He's an expert in the field.

I'm afraid even psychiatrists
don't have any simple answers.

Well, I'm not psychiatrist,
I'm no expert, I'm just his wife,

but I know one thing, Arthur.

I love him and I will not
live my life without him!

Oh, Carol, I feel so useless.

Arthur, you've done all you can.

But it's not enough!
Here I am, a doctor,

a highly trained
man of medicine,

and I can't even do a
thing to help my best friend.

I feel so...

inadequate.

Sometimes I think I should
just pack it all in and give up golf.

What?

Well, I can't give up medicine.
It's the only thing I know.

But I feel I should
give up something.

Maude,

I, uh...

I'm sorry I broke
it to you that way.

- It's just something that...
- Please, Walter.

I understand.

- You do?
- Of course I do.

Oh, what a relief.

Maude, that place is
doing wonders for me!

I'll level with you.

In a way

I'm really ready to come out,

but I'm afraid to, you
know what I mean?

Walter, nobody understands
fear better than I do.

Maude, you're the greatest!

Tell me now, Walter. What
do they wear at the center?

Oh, just casual clothes.

It's really good for me there.

- Excuse me dear,
is this too dressy?
- That's fine.

I feel I'm getting in
touch with myself there

and creating a whole
new space for me.

Do they give you night clothes?

You bring what you want.

And for the first
time in my life,

I can hold myself
up to a strong light

and see who I am.

Walter, do they
have a pool there?

No.

No, I suddenly feel free
to ask the big questions.

What are you?

What are you looking for?

What are you searching for?

What are you packing for?

I'm going back with you, Walter.

Come on, Maude.

No, Walter, if all you need
to get in is fear, I qualify.

Maude, be serious.

Honey, I am serious.

You're running
away from life, Walter,

which means you're running away
from me and that scares the hell out of me.

But you're not afraid like I am,
Maude. You're strong. You're stable!

Stable? I'm stable?

Walter, does this look like
something a stable person would do?

Walter, I have hidden every
sharp object in the house.

Paring knives, carving knives,
can openers, even the fondue forks!

How about this for stability?!

Two mukluks
filled with every pill

in our medicine cabinet.

I need you, Walter. I
need you desperately.

I need you, too.

It's not like I'm leaving you.

I never even thought
about it like that.

You mean so much to me.

It's just that...

Walter, I'm a very
selfish person.

You mean everything to me.

Walter, when we found out you were
an alcoholic, I wanted to run away,

but I didn't. I was selfish.
I had to have you with me!

And when I was running for
office and we were separated,

I couldn't stand
being apart from you.

I was selfish! I
had to have you!

Walter, after all we've
been through together,

this... this whole...

This whole business with the
bankruptcy should be a piece of cake!

You don't see it that way, then
I'm gonna have to be selfish again.

I'm not gonna let you share
your life with anyone else.

If I can't have you here with
me, I'll have to go there with you.

Maude, stop packing.

Stop packing.

This time, I'll be selfish.

I'm staying here.

Walter, do you really mean it?

Yes, I do.

I never knew you
needed me so much.

Oh, Walter.

Besides... (laughing)

if we were to go down
there and tell them the story,

they'd think we were beyond
help. We'd never get in!

(laughing)

But, Maude, I'm still afraid.

Oh, darling.
Everybody is afraid!

We just said it out
loud to each other.

Walter, you're gonna make it.

I know you will.

You really have
faith in me, don't you?

Oh, darling, all the
faith in the world!

Ooh, whiskers.

Yeah, I need to shave.

And after you finish shaving,
why don't you come downstairs?

We'll have some
coffee and fruitcake

and nuts and
bananas and crackers...

(music playing)

(vocalizing)

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ And then there's... ♪