Maude (1972–1978): Season 4, Episode 4 - Maude's Big Decision - full transcript

When Maude decides to pull herself out of the election to help Walter with his alcoholism, he discovers he is being selfish and decides he wants her to continue her run for office.

♪ Lady Godiva was
a freedom rider ♪

♪ She didn't care if the
whole world looked ♪

♪ Joan of Arc, with
the Lord to guide her ♪

♪ She was a sister
who really cooked ♪

♪ Isadora was the
first bra burner ♪

♪ Ain't ya glad she showed up? ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ And when the country
was falling apart ♪

♪ Betsy Ross got
it all sewed up ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ Right on, Maude. ♪



Mother! Mother, where are you?

Mrs. Findlay! Mrs. Findlay!

Where could she be? It's
7 o'clock in the morning.

I don't know.

The bed hasn't been slept in.

She's not any
place in the house.

Oh, the last time I saw her

was when she came in
at 2 o'clock this morning.

You were up at 2
o'clock this morning?

Oh, I just happened
to be here at the bar.

She had a date with
Senator Myers last night,

did he bring her home?

Yes, but they were so late

that your mother
suggested he stayed over.



I made up the sofa
for him in the den.

Well, did anything happen
at the Harmon's party

last night that could
have upset her?

Let me think now.

Your mother was
dancing with the Senator,

and everything was going fine,

until Mr. Findlay arrived
with a young girl called Kathy.

He was wearing a big smile,

and she was wearing no bra.

Which accounted
for his big smile.

Well, Mother and Walter
have been separated

for three weeks.

Now, if she was
there with the Senator,

why should she mind if
Walter shows up with a girl?

She didn't.

She took it right in her stride.

And Mr. Findlay
started drinking.

Walter went off the wagon?

And the next thing,

he gets hold of a bottle
and he leaves with the girl.

Oh, he was ever so tiddly.

Then Dr. Harmon went after him

to keep an eye on him.

But he was a trifle tiddly, too.

Mrs. Findlay was worried.

So she and the Senator
went to Mr. Findlay's apartment

to see if he'd got home safe.

But they found something
they didn't bargain for.

Apparently, Mr. Findlay
had taken that gorgeous girl

back to his apartment.

And when Mrs. Findlay got there,

there were the two of
them in bed together.

She must be devastated.

She must be so depressed.

♪ I am woman, hear me roar ♪
Hi!

♪ In numbers too big to ignore ♪

♪ And I know too much
to go back an' pretend ♪

I'll get the coffee.
You get the straitjacket.

♪ And I've been down
there on the floor ♪

♪ And no one's gonna
keep me down again ♪

Mother. Mother!

Mother, ever since you decided
to run for the State Senate

and Walter walked out on
you, you've been so upset!

Carol, honey, it doesn't matter.

It's over.

When I walked into
that apartment last night

and found Walter in bed with...

Carol, Walter
and I are finished.

Over! Through!

So I've decided to
paint the entire house.

♪ I am strong ♪

♪ I am invincible ♪

Mother. Mother,
have some coffee.

- Mother.
- I love this color.

I found it in the garage.

It's the new me, Carol.

Bold, independent,
sort of a brash olive

with just a hint
of the old west.

I call it Lorne Greene.

Maybe you're right, a
cup of coffee wouldn't hurt.

♪ Cupa cupa cupa
cupa cup... boy! ♪

Mother, I have never
seen you this way...

Bug off, Carol!

Cream?

Thank you.

- Mother, you're angry...
- I said, bug off!

Mrs. Naugatuck, why don't you
see if the Senator would like a cup.

He's in the den. I'm
sure he's up by now.

Well, I'll finish
my painting later.

I have to watch myself
being interviewed

on the Good Morning
Tuckahoe show in 45 minutes.

And then I have a very
busy day of campaigning.

Mother, can't you see
you're at your breaking point?

Breaking point?

Carol, my breaking point
hasn't even been tested yet.

Good morning, all.

Testing one, two, three.

Maude, I know how upset you are

over Walter falling
off the wagon,

and I didn't want you to
have to carry the extra burden

of worrying about
Arthur getting drunk

and staying out all night,

and so I brought you some
wonderful news about Arthur.

Please, I don't wanna
hear it. Not one word.

I don't even want you
to mention his name.

Oh, Maude.

If I thought you
really meant that.

Anyway,

Arthur called me this morning
at 5 o'clock from the hospital.

It seems he'd gotten an
emergency call on his beeper.

And he pulled himself
together and rushed over

to the operating room
and removed a gallbladder!

Isn't that amazing?

And he'd no sooner gotten
removed one rubber glove

then... then his
beeper beeped again,

and... and guess
what he removed then?

The other rubber glove
he left in the first patient.

- No.
- No?

An appendix.

From a complete stranger.

Oh, he is such a saint.

Look, Vivian, I am very sorry.

I am terribly, terribly busy.

Oh, I'll have this sponged
off in a jiffy, Senator.

There's an old
bathrobe of Mr. Findlay's

in the cupboard there.

I spilled coffee on his pants,

and he's got an important event

in Washington this afternoon.

Oh.

Nothing hurts a Senator's
credibility more than wet pants.

Why is it I can never find
anything when I want it? Never!

Mother, what are
you looking for?

Oh, that Italian phrase
I was going to use

at the Daughters of Italy
luncheon this afternoon.

It's, uh,

Buona fortuna e
eben mangiare a tutti.

And it means good luck
and good eating to all.

Buona fortuna...

How am I going to
remember that, Carol?

I'll just... I'll have
to say viva le pope.

Mother, I think you should
skip campaigning for today.

Please, Carol, Carol! I
don't wanna hear anymore.

I don't want any of your advice.

I mean, why don't you
just get off my back?

- You wanna know why?
- Yes, I do!

Because you're my
mother and I love you!

Oh, honey.

Honey, I'm so sorry.

Oh, Carol, when I walked
into that apartment last night

with Senator Bob and
found Walter in bed with that...

That girl,

after only three
weeks of separation,

and the fact that he's
drinking again just kills me.

Oh, Carol, I love Walter
so much and I hate him!

Aww.

Uh, uh, excuse me.

Uh, I have just remembered
something that I have to do

in my own home.

Mother, you knew this wasn't
gonna be easy when you started.

Career versus marriage never is.

Walter isn't against
my career, Carol.

He's against my
career in Albany.

You know, selling
the store, and...

just dragging along.

Will you stop defending him

and stop assuming all the guilt?

Look, Walter walked out on you

because of an
inconvenience to him.

- Oh, come on, Carol.
- Mother.

Yes, it's a severe
inconvenience,

but that's all it is,
is an inconvenience.

And he's making
you feel guilty when...

When he's the one who
refuses to even compromise.

And the whole time he's carrying
around this big banner that says,

"If you don't do it my
way, Maude, 100%,

then you don't love me."

Well, Walter has to meet
you half way, doesn't he?

He has to give a little.

I mean, it isn't that what an
honest relationship is all about?

Oh, you know, Carol,
there's something

I've been wanting to
say to you for years.

Something, something
I feel I can tell you now.

What?

Buona fortuna e
eben mangiare a tutti.

Oh, oh.

Oh, what a night!

Aww.

Boy, what a night?

Kathy?

Oh, listen, about
last night, Kathy.

You see I really love my wife.

Kathy.

Please.

Kathy, wake up!

Not tonight, Vivian.
I got a headache.

Thank God, Arthur, it's you.

Walter?

Oh, right.

Ah!

Oh, boy!

You feel this
miserable and guilty

after spending the night
with another guy is ridiculous.

I'm such a stupid jerk,

drinking again after two years.

Arthur, what's this?

Huh?

That's Kathy's shoe.

What happened
to the rest of her?

I don't know,
maybe we drank her.

No, I remember now.

Just before she
called us drunken bums

and left us at that bar,

I traded shoes with her.

Thank heavens, I
thought to call Vivian

when I woke at
5:00 this morning.

I told her I was at
the hospital, operating.

I think I gotta freshen up.

Yeah, good luck. I'll
make some breakfast.

Breakfast?

What you'll have?
Chili or tuna fish?

Dumb, Walter Findlay.

Stupid, Walter Findlay.

Idiot, Walter Findlay. Yes?

Don't stupid, idiot
Walter Findlay.

Vivian, what are you doing here?

Never mind that. I've
just been to see Maude

and you'll be glad to
know that she's just sick

over what you've done.

Just sick!

You know, you could
learn a lesson from Arthur.

While you were out
carousing around with that

teenage twinkie,

do you know where Arthur was?

At the hospital.

Removing gallbladders
and appendixes,

and all kinds of
icky little things.

My God!

She's still here?

I don't want to see her.
I don't want to see her.

Her, who?

I refuse to be
exposed to that tramp

who spent the
night here last night.

Vivian!

My God, the two
of you shared her.

And I thought Maude
was the only one

with something to worry about.

Maude? What does
she know about this?

Oh, she was so
worried about you,

she came over here last night

and found you in bed
with that young lady.

Vivian, that was no lady,
that was your husband.

Kathy didn't come home with us.

Oh, Maude.

Oh, Maude thought
I was in bed with...

- Oh, my God, poor Maude.
- Now, Walter, listen...

Why do I do everything wrong?

Why do I have to hurt her?

I deserve to be
kicked like a dog!

She actually did it.

Now you go over and
apologize to her this minute!

She actually did it.

You actually kicked him.

Vivian, I'm ashamed of you.

Is that all you
men are good for,

just feeling sorry
for yourselves?

You're ashamed of me?

Well, fickle, fickle
go sit on a pickle!

Now, just one moment, Vivian!

I woke up here at
5:00 in the morning,

I didn't know where I was.

I smelled a lot of alcohol

and I just assumed
I was in the hospital.

I'm gonna see Maude.

And if I have to get
her to forgive me,

I have to be calm and rational.

More calm, more rational.

Please, Walter, please!

I just don't want
to talk about it!

Maude, for crying out loud,
will you please listen to me?

Now, come on, I want
you to listen to me.

I came all the way
over here to tell you.

That wasn't Kathy
in bed with me,

I was sleeping with Arthur.

God, Walter, what
a burden you are.

Maude, nothing happened.

Absolutely nothing!

Maude, I would be no
more unfaithful to you

than you would to me.

Excuse me, Maude.

This is really funny.

I mean, no sooner do
you use the word unfaithful,

then out comes
Senator Bob from our den

wearing your bathrobe
and without his trousers.

I mean, it's true that I have
a perfectly good excuse

just the way you did but...

What an riotous coincidence?

It sure is.

I spent the night with
a man, and so did you.

It's not funny, Walter.

I'll drink to that.

Walter, I know what
this looks like, but it's...

Listen, Walter.

Senator Bob spent the
night in the den, on the sofa.

Mrs. Naugatuck accidentally
spilled some coffee

on his trousers, that's all.

I mean, you certainly
don't think that

there's anything going
on between Bob and me.

I mean, come on,
Walter, that's silly.

That's silly. Maude and me.

That's ridiculous.

I mean, it's absurd. I
mean, it is crazy. I mean...

All right, you've
made your point!

Your trousers are
out in the kitchen.

I don't like that guy.

Oh, come on, Walter.

Why must you drink?

Who wouldn't want to drink?

Look what you put me through
with your dumb campaign.

I mean, but I must realize
that a big-time politician

like Maude Findlay doesn't
have any time to feel guilty

about the damage she causes.

Oh, come on, Walter,
that's bull and you know it.

Walter, any honest relationship
calls for give and take.

Can't you give a little, Walter?

Maude, when you're up in Albany

making life better
for everybody,

just remember a
small-time appliance dealer

back in Tuckahoe,
every once in a while

because that's one
life you really fouled up.

Walter, please don't.

- Walter, please.
- Leave me alone.

Please, Walter, please!

All right, Walter, you win!

You win.

You win.

I'll quit the race.

But I have to be
honest with you, Walter.

It'll be a long time
before I set down

anything gently in this house.

Oh, Maude,

that's how you feel now.

But you'll get over it.

You'll see, we'll work it out!

Oh, Vivian, Arthur!

Maude's not gonna
run for the Senate,

she's staying home, and so am I.

Let's celebrate.

I'll get some ice
and fix you a drink.

Maude, really?

If I don't, Walter will
drink himself to death.

Oh, but Vivian, it is so unfair.

It is so damned unfair!

Maudie, listen.

If you're dropping
out of the race

just because Walter has
slipped in his drinking again

you're making a big mistake.

Arthur, a Bloody Mary.

No thanks, Walter.

Remember, Walter's
an alcoholic, Maudie.

You're not responsible for that.

You have got to
detach yourself with love

because if he wants to drink,

he'll find an excuse
no matter what you do.

Arthur, in my head I know that,

but in my heart I love him.

I... I can't see him just
end up in the gutter.

♪ Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah ♪

♪ Zip-A-Dee-A ♪

Oh, I'll just go in and break
the news to Senator Bob.

Great!

Well,

Walter, I guess this
solves your problem.

Maude made her decision.

What do you think
of her decision?

I think it suck scissors.

Come on, Arthur, a
little drink to celebrate.

I won!

Won?

Won what?

Happiness through blackmail?

You know, you're like a baby,
throwing a temper tantrum.

Everybody has to
give in to Walter Findlay

because he's an alcoholic.

I don't like you very
much right now, Walter.

Mother! Mother, come on!

Walter!

Hey, Carol, I got
something to tell you.

No, later. Mother has
to watch herself on TV.

- Where is she?
- In the kitchen.

Mother!

Mother, come on,
everybody! Mrs. Naugatuck!

Come on! Come on!

It's time for Good
Morning Tuckahoe!

You were quoted as
saying that even though

you're running for
the State Senate

you have your eye
on the Presidency?

Oh, no, no, I was misquoted.

No, what I said was,

"I have my eye
on the President."

That's funny.

We understand
that the latest polls

have you gaining
rapidly on your opponent

for the Democratic
primary, James Kunkel.

How would you explain that?

Very simply, the emergence
of women in our society.

For as... as New Woman
magazine so aptly puts it,

"Jack and Jill went up the
hill to fetch a pail of water,

"Jack fell down
and broke his crown

"and Jill went on to
complete the assignment,

"much to the great
admiration of her employer.

"And excelled in
all future endeavors

"far exceeding the
expectations of all those

who assumed she
had no capacity."

Oh, I love it!

I love it.

About being a housewife,
running for political office,

are you happier this way?

How can you define happiness?

It's...

It's a feeling that
we women have

for each other because we know,

in our own special
way, that we are freer

than we have ever been before.

By free, I mean, free to do

and to be whatever we want.

It's... it's so exciting...

Oh, Mother, you're marvelous.

I love the life that I led
before I entered the race.

I love being a homemaker.

I loved raising a child.

And... I'd like to think
that I was successful at it.

But I don't know, now I...

I have a chance
to achieve what I...

What I feel I'm capable
of achieving in life.

To be effective.

- Isn't that a marvelous word?
- Hmm.

Because,

I don't know...
If you don't strive

then the door to life
remains forever shut

and that person just wanders

through the rest of
her life wondering

what might have happened

if she had walked
through, you know.

And I walked through.

I opened that door.

So, no matter what
happens, win or lose,

I can never regret that.

Now, let's ask a few
practical questions.

Do you believe in
higher taxes for the State?

Oh, in matters of taxes,
I'd like to quote something

from a speech I
made just last week.

The matter of higher taxes

is one that everyone
would like to avoid.

Oh, she gives me goose bumps.

Maude, what are you doing?

Fixing you breakfast.

Maude, you were
wonderful on that TV show.

You're lighting up
the whole screen.

I've never seen you so...

So live, so vibrant,

so damn happy.

Would you like
bacon with your eggs?

- Yes.
- You got it.

Maude,

you win.

Maude, I know when
I'm up against something

that I shouldn't fight.

You mean, you
don't want the bacon.

Will you pay attention
to me. I said, "You win."

Run for the State Senate.

Look, Walter, is this
some kind of a joke?

I'm serious, Maude.

I want you to run.

Walter, for three
weeks you have told me

how you would not quit your job,

and... and sell the store

and... and move
to Albany with me.

Short of that, you would
not permit my being in Albany

five days a week with
you here in Tuckahoe.

Walter, I... I'll never forget
the crushing pain I felt

when you walked out of this
house telling me that you...

You absolutely would
not tolerate a part-time wife

and you slammed
the door in my face.

That isn't just like you, Maude.

You take one little thing I say

and stretch it all
out of proportion.

You mean to tell me
you've changed your mind

in two and a half minutes?

How much booze
have you had, Walter?

Maude,

I need you.

It's not because of the booze.

I beat that before
and I'll beat it again.

Maude, I need you because...

I so dreadfully miss you.

Look, Walter...

Maude, sit down
and listen to me.

- Honey, are you sure?
- Maude, I want you to sit...

- Because I think you should...
- Maude! Sit!

I mean it.

I mean...

I'd rather have a
part-time wife who's happy

than a fulltime wife who's...

Listen, if I learn to live
with federal income tax,

I can learn to live
with a State Senator.

Though both ideas depress me.

Oh, Walter, I mean, after...

After all this time
and all this arguing,

how can I be sure
that you mean this?

Maude, I want you to run.

You really do mean it?

Walter, stand.

Oh, honey, I love you!

I love you!