Maude (1972–1978): Season 2, Episode 14 - The Office Party - full transcript

It's Christmas and Walter decides to throw his employees a party at the house. Walter is so happy at how tight knit he and his people are, not unlike another business that's shut down because of a union strike. But during the party Maude learns that his people have decided to join a union and Maude thinks it's great. When Walter learns of this, he feels betrayed. He decides to fire them.

(music playing)

♪ Lady Godiva was
a freedom rider ♪

♪ She didn't care if the
whole world looked ♪

♪ Joan of Arc with
the Lord to guide her ♪

♪ she was a sister
who really cooked ♪

♪ Isadora was the
first bra burner ♪

♪ Ain't you glad
she showed up? ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ And when the country
was falling apart ♪

♪ Betsy Ross got
it all sewed up ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪



♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's... ♪

♪ That uncompromisin',
enterprisin' ♪

♪ Anything but tranquilizin',
right on, Maude ♪

♪ And a Happy New Year ♪

♪ We wish you a
Merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a
Merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a
Merry Christmas ♪

♪ And a Happy New Year ♪

Beautiful!



Hey, let's have
a song for Walter.

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

Guys, cut it out, come on.

Oh, cut it out, will you?

To Walter Findlay,

the greatest, I mean, the
greatest boss in the world.

(cheering)

Look gang, gang,

you're making it
very tough on me

because I have an unhappy
announcement to make.

You're all fired.

Unless you get over
to that punchbowl

and refill your glasses.

Oh, you dirty dog.

Now, you all heard
what Walter said,

come on, finish that
eggnog on the double.

You're all behind schedule.

Last time, this year, four of
you were passed out already.

(laughing)

To Maude Findlay,

the greatest boss'
wife in the world.

Thank you, thank you.

No, no, no. We thank
you for having us

to your lovely home again.

It's my pleasure.

Where else would Walter's
wonderful associates

have their office party?

No, you belong here in
the warmth of our home,

drinking festive eggnog
out of our best Steubenware.

So, enjoy yourselves.

Come on, get over
and get yourself a drink.

What a showoff.

Go ahead, get yourself a drink.

Maude, is this our
best Steubenware?

We don't have any Steubenware.

Margaret, dear,
more hors d'oeuvres?

Oh, thank you.

It's a wonderful party.

Oh, you know, I don't know why
we always wait until Christmas

to get together
with you and Fred.

Now, we must have you
over to dinner some evening.

We'd love that.

Fine, what night
would be convenient?

Like I told you last
year, any night is fine.

Has it been a whole
year since last Christmas?

Well, this year we're
definitely going to get together.

As a matter of fact, I'm going to have
Walter arrange it with Fred right now.

Oh, Walter, honey.

Darling, we must have Fred
and Margaret over to dinner.

We sure do.

What night is
good for you, Fred?

- Any night.
- Anytime, Maude.

Then it's all arranged.

We'll, see you then.

More hors d'oeuvres, people?

Thanks, Maude.

Oh, oh, here, Florida dear.

Merry Christmas, Mrs. Findlay.

And the very same to you.

Who are you?

Oh, I guess you don't
recognize me out of uniform.

I'm Henry Peterson,
your mailman.

Oh, the mailman.

Of course, won't you come in?

No, no, no. No, no, thanks.

Look, I know this
is not my usual hour,

but my wife and I
are driving to Jersey

to be with her sister
over the holiday.

.and I won't be
stopping by tomorrow.

Oh, well, you
came about the gift.

Well, you won't be
seeing me tomorrow.

Oh, then, I'm so glad you
came tonight, Mr. Peterson.

You know,

one of the great
joys of Christmas

is being able to give gifts

to those who have given so unselfishly
of themselves throughout the year,

but just because my husband pays
you a salary out of his federal taxes

doesn't mean that you have to
come laden down with gifts for us.

Yeah, but Mrs.
Findlay, you don't.

Just leave our
presents in the car

and be assured that your
sincere wish for a Merry Christmas

is really all Mr. Findlay
and I could ask for.

And the very same to you.

You having fun? How are you?

- Oh.
- Great, Maude.

Oh, Harriett, you look
lovely in that dress.

Why, thank you, Mrs. Findlay.

Oh, come on now, Harriett.

The matchbook covers
and the paper napkins

do not say Mr. and Mrs. Findlay.

They say, Walter and
Maude. And so, should you.

All right, Maude.

That's much better, Harriett.

Walter, did you see how I made Harriett
feel that we're not just employers,

but that we're friends
on a first name basis?

I think you made her
feel uncomfortable.

Oh, nonsense, Walter. I want
everyone to call me Maude.

But I don't think she wants
everybody to call her Harriett.

Her name's Helen.

- Charlie.
- Huh?

We're gonna tell Findlay
now while we're all here.

Oh, it might spoil
his Christmas, Gus.

This is no time to tell Walter that
his employees are gonna join a union.

Who cares about
Findlay's Christmas?

The union comes first.

But this is a social evening.

Charlie, either you're
with us or you're against us.

I say we tell him now.

Florida, dear. I'll
help you clean up

so that you can leave by 8:00.

I know you wanna be with
your own family tonight.

Although, Florida.

In a way, this is your home
and we're your family too.

Well, it must've
been an oversight.

- What?
- I didn't see my name
on the napkins.

Florida, your name is
engraved in our hearts.

We love you.

And that's why we understand why
you wanna be with your own family

on Christmas Eve.

It's been a habit ever since
the missionaries converted us.

Florida, come on, this is your
Christmas as much as it is ours.

You know, when Jesus was born

and all those people came
and gathered around the manger,

three wise men came
and gathered around also.

And, Florida,

one of those wise men was black.

Probably the one that
cleaned up after the gathering.

(doorbell ringing)

Now, excuse me, that's probably
the garbage man with more gifts.

Okay. Okay.

If you're too chicken
to tell him, I will.

Listen, let's ask
Maude's opinion.

Merry Christmas, Maude.

Why would you want to ask her?

How are you, Chris?

Carol. Chris is here.

Everybody, everybody, everybody.

I want you to meet Chris,
my daughter's intended.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

Oh, that face.

That baby face, I could
just squish it to pieces.

Hey, Maude, the
guests. You have guests.

Look at what Santa brought you.

- Hi, Chris.
- Hi.

Listen, I really wanted
to come wrapped as a gift

but the way your
mother tweaks me,

I was afraid she'd
ruin the wrapping.

Hey, Phillip.

Have you practiced
your Christmas carols?

Yep.

I hope the people
give me lots of money.

Phillip, we don't sing
Christmas carols to make money.

Jesus taught us to sing
out of love for the goodness

and the kindness and
the spirit of brotherhood

in the hearts of our
fellow human beings.

And speaking of human beings,

honey, don't go into
any strange houses.

And if they give you
candy, don't eat it.

You never know
what they put in it.

Mother, I don't think
Jesus taught us that.

Jesus was born in Bethlehem.

Not in New York.

Have fun.

I don't understand you.

Why you ask her? She's his wife.

Maude, can I ask your advice?

Well, of course.
About what, Charlie?

Well, there's something
we want to ask Walter.

But I figured we
should ask you first

because, well, I wouldn't wanna
spoil that wonderful guy's Christmas.

What is it, Gus?

Tell her, Charlie.

Well, we all had a meeting
a couple of days ago.

And we decided to unionize.

Our little store is finally
big enough to be unionized?

That's wonderful. Oh, Gus.

You thought Walter
would be upset?

Walter? The staunchest
union man in the world?

Oh, Charlie, Gus.

This will be
Walter's biggest thrill

since the lettuce pickers
won that toilet in the fields.

Ho, ho, ho.

(all cheering)

Merry Christmas.

Ho, ho!

I just came down
from the North Pole.

Hark, do not you hear
my reindeer on the roof?

Dressing up like Santa Claus?

Isn't that kind of hokey
even for Mr. Findlay?

Florida, they've
come to expect it.

It's traditional. Like
his Easter Bunny suit.

Okay. Okay.

Now, look, before I
pass out your bonuses.

I want you to know,

what an honor it is for
me to be your employer.

Oh, what the heck am I
talking about, not employer.

You're my friends.

That's right, we are.

And this isn't liquor talking.

- No?
- No. Because I'm off the booze
as you know.

Oh.

But I am high, I'm high
on love for you guys.

And that's why writing out
your bonus checks every year

is one of the big
joys of my life.

Yay!

What a guy.

We're all family at
Findlay's Friendly Appliances

with a great
one-to-one relationship,

if you have a beef,

we talk about it and
we settle it, right, Fred?

Right.

We work together.

Not like Barkley's which
had to shut down six weeks

because of a strike, right, Gus?

Right.

But we at Findlay's Friendly
Appliances take pride

in our true team spirit.

- Honey, before you finish.
- I just wish.

- there's something that I.
- that the bonuses were
larger this year.

Oh, sweetheart.

Your associates have a
wonderful surprise for you.

Oh, you bunch of guys,

honestly, I didn't
expect anything.

Your friendship is
the only gift I want.

Oh, no, sweetie.

This is a different
kind of gift.

This is something priceless.

For crying out loud, I told you.

No gift. And what do you do?

You turn right around and
buy me something priceless.

Pay attention, everybody.

Walter, come stand in
front of Gus and Charlie.

Tell him, Gus.

Tell him, Charlie.

Well, we all had a meeting
a couple of days ago.

And we decided to unionize.

(laughing)

I love him, I love him.

You bunch are always
up for some sort of joke.

(laughing)

No, darling, no.

Walter, this isn't a joke.

- They joined a union, right?
- Right.

Isn't it marvelous?
Okay, everybody,

♪ Solidarity forever ♪

Wait a minute.

(whistles)

Hold it.

What's come over you people?

Ten minutes ago,

you were singing "For
He's a Jolly Good Fellow."

We still think you're a
jolly good fellow, Walter.

That's right.

Only now, we'll have
a right to vote on it.

Walter, isn't it wonderful?

Honey, this is the
American dream.

Just think of it, Walter.

That little tiny business
that you started years ago

selling door-to-door
from the back of your car

has grown and grown,
until now, Walter.

You're big enough to
be called management

and they are
labor. Up the union!

Up the union!

Up the union, right, Walter?

I'll go along with
the "up" part.

And I thought we were family.

I told you, you shouldn't
tell him, Charlie.

I don't know what came over.

Walter? Walter, come back down.

Oh, it must be
some sort of a joke.

We don't know about you,
Walter, but we're going to have fun.

Now, everybody, around the
piano. Come on, fun, fun, fun.

Back to the Christmas carols.

♪ Over there, over there ♪

Oh, no, no. It's
Christmas, "Jingle Bells."

♪ Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ♪

♪ Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪

♪ In a one horse
open sleigh, hey ♪

(Maude) Walter, come
back down to your friends.

Huh, friends.

Oh!

Hi, Walter.

Well, I guess it's time to go
down and get the bonus, huh?

I think you already got yours.

Merry Christmas, Mr. Findlay.

The hell with Christmas.

Walter Findlay. It
is Christmas Eve,

you're supposed to be a
merry jolly Santa Claus.

And look at the
way you're acting.

You're a disgrace
to the uniform.

They just went ahead and joined
a union without even asking me.

Not one word.

That's what really hurts, Maude.

They stabbed me in the back.

Walter, nobody
stabbed you in the back.

Honey, all they did was
join a union. That's their right.

And I'm all for it.

Et tu, Maude?

Yes, Walter, et me.

And et all of them, huh?

Nine ets, Walter, the
vote was unanimous.

And they call that
democracy in action, huh?

Some democracy.

They didn't ask me to vote.

Of course, not, Walter.
You're management.

What a rotten thing to say.

In our store, we're
all management.

That's been the
spirit behind our store.

Look, Walter Findlay, I am not
going to let you make a fool of yourself.

Now, I expect you to go
down and talk to those people.

They are our guests, Walter.
And they're your employees.

And finks.

Look, Walter. If you don't
go down and talk to them,

I'm gonna go down and
talk to them in your place.

Go ahead, talk to them.

Fine, I will.

Wait a minute.

What are you gonna say?

Well, I'll start out
by explaining to them

why their bonuses
are so small this year.

And then, I'll show them the slides
of our vacation on the French Riviera.

I'll go, I'll go.

♪ La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la ♪

I guess I shouldn't
have told Walter tonight.

The union is more
important than Walter.

We got to be firm.

And anyway, who
cares what he thinks?

Oh, hi, Walter.

Hey, gang. Walter is here.

(cheering)

Hey, Walter.

You're not really
mad at us, are you?

Walter mad at you?

Tell them, Walter.

I'm mad at you.

(laughing)

Well, I am mad at them, Maude.

All right, look, everybody.

I just can't afford union
problems right now.

The economy is strapped,

my business is strapped.

I'm strapped.

The caviar is served.

(laughing)

Why didn't I let her
go home to her family?

Now, look.

If you were working
for a big factory,

well, then, you
would need a union.

But Findlay's Appliances

is just small potatoes.

I mean, you're
not like employees.

You're my close friends.

I mean, look at you

drinking out of my
best Steubenware.

Steubenware? Wasn't I with you

when you got these
at the gas station?

You see how close you all are,

you even go shopping together.

Look, Walter. What's all this?

From now on, it's Mr. Findlay.

And furthermore, our dinner date

with you and your wife is off.

It is not.

We made a date for
some time next year,

and we're going to keep it.

Look, gang.

The union is gonna
come between us.

It'll ruin the old team spirit.

For instance, you know how
it is when we're working late

and we decide to all pitch in

and work sometimes till midnight

- to get the job done?
- Yeah.

Well, that'll all change now

because the
union won't allow it.

Oh, that'll ruin
the team spirit.

No, it won't. Walter.

All you have to do is
pay us time and a half.

Get the hell out of my house.

(Maude) Walter.

Go upstairs and get your coats,

and get out of my house.

You heard me.

Come on, get out of here.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

You can't leave like this.

Come on.

Where is the Christmas spirit?

One more step, Edna,
and I'll deck your halls.

Walter doesn't know
what he's saying.

Actually, it's all my fault.

You know, he
always gets like this

when I let him eat cheese
balls during the night.

I don't know, Mrs. Findlay.

Maybe we better, you know.

Yeah, Charlie knows
when he's not wanted.

Oh, please. Oh, come on.

Margaret, Harriet, come
on, you're all our dear friends.

Oh, Roger, please, don't go.

My name is Max.

Oh, lovely name. You're
married to Harriet, aren't you?

Her name is Helen.

Well, you make a lovely
couple no matter who you are.

For the last time now,

come on. Get your coats

and get out of my house.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

Merry Christmas, Walter.

- Arthur.
- Yeah.

I think we're standing
under the mistletoe.

That's right.

Cut it out, Arthur.

Look, everybody. I swear to you,

when Walter thinks this over,

he'll laugh about everything.

Oh, Fred, look, Charlie, Gus.

You haven't even
finished trimming the tree.

Come on now, Roger,
play the piano please?

Harry, why don't you and
Edna go back upstairs?

Now, wait a second,
wait a second, Maude.

I don't want them in my bedroom.

Then use the
closet like last year.

Have fun, enjoy
yourselves, it's a party.

That's right, Florida.

Pass around more hors d'oeuvres.

Come on, let's
sing "Jingle Bells."

♪ Jingle bells ♪

♪ jingle bells, jingle... ♪

Come on, everybody, join in.

♪ Oh, what fun it is
to ride in a one... ♪

Louder, Florida.

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪

♪ Jingle all the way. ♪

Not a problem. Then, we'll
have our party in the kitchen.

Good. Closer to the food.

Hey, what's going
on here, Walter?

My employees
are joining a union.

What? At Christmastime?

That's downright un-American.

Hey, Walter, Walter.

I'm really sorry.

I tried to tell
them not to do it,

but those hotheads
wouldn't listen to me.

Good old Gus.

Well, I told him off.

How do you like that?

My own people joining a union.

Walter Findlay.

Walter, what are
you doing in here?

Hi, Viv. Your
friends are out there.

Tell him, Arthur.

Take your head out
of the sand, Maudie,

Walter's right.

That's the trouble
with America today.

There's no rugged
individuals anymore.

Everybody has to
have an organization,

a group, a union.

Nobody has the
guts there to go alone.

I was saying that just last week

at the American
Medical Association.

That must've been a
captive audience, Arthur,

500 sitting ducks
listening to one quack.

That's all right, Maudie,
go ahead and make fun.

Let those poor
people join a union.

All they'll know is
strike, strike, strike.

You know what I'd do if I
were in your place, Walter.

I would fire the lot of them.

Oh, sure.

On Christmas Eve,
just like Scrooge.

Scrooge was a grossly
misunderstood man.

And so am I, and
that's what I'm gonna do.

- Oh, Walter.
- I'm gonna fire the lot
of them.

Except for Gus,

I've always taken
good care of them.

And look how they repay me.

You have always
taken good care of them.

Walter, did you hear
what you just said?

You have always
taken good care of them.

You don't understand, Maude.

It's like I've grown
up with these men.

We call each other
by our first names.

I know their wives
and their children.

When they've had
financial difficulty,

I've lent them money.

Yes, I've always
taken good care of them

just like they were
my own family.

Oh, Walter. Well, don't you
see what you're acting like?

A benevolent despot.

Walter, your feelings are hurt

because you think of
yourself as the big daddy.

Oh, Walter, those are
men and women out there.

They have their own
futures to worry about,

they're not your children.

- Now, Maude.
- Walter,

let your children go.

That's a good idea, Maude.

That's what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna let them go
with two weeks notice.

Everybody, come
on, pay attention.

Max, give me a fanfare.

Where's Gus?

Charlie, Fred, get over here.

I've got something
very important to say.

- What?
- And I want everybody

- to pay close attention.
- Ho, ho,

ho, ho, ho.

Merry Christmas,

I just came down
from the North Pole.

Hark, do you not hear
my reindeer on the roof?

Maude, what are
you trying to do?

You think of yourself
as a big daddy, Walter,

I'm gonna show you

what a big daddy
really looks like.

Now, everybody,
here are your bonuses.

Merry Christmas bonuses.

Oh, Edna.

Here's something to put in
your stocking besides Harry.

And for all of you
on this Christmas Eve

the happiest of all holidays.

Big daddy has
a very special gift

for all his little kiddies.

He's giving you your freedom.

That's right.

Big daddy has
just fired everybody

except Gus.

Gee, Walter, I don't
think we should fire them.

Oh, shut up, Gus.

I'm sorry, everybody.

But Maude's right.

I guess I was acting
like a big daddy.

I never quite realized the
power I had in my hands

to make everybody's
Christmas miserable.

Well, I guess if I can fire you

because my feelings are hurt

or maybe I do need protection.

So, go ahead, have your union.

Do you really mean that, Walter?

Yes, I really
mean that, Charlie.

But that doesn't
mean I'm gonna like it.

Walter, Walter,
I'm so proud of you,

come on, Christmas
carols, everybody sing.

♪ We wish you a
Merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a
Merry Christmas ♪

(door bell rings)

♪ We wish you a
Merry Christmas ♪

♪ And a Happy New Year ♪

Oh, hi, Mrs. Findlay.

It's me again.

Hello, you again.

I was on my way to Jersey

and I happen to drop
by the post office.

Where I saw a package
for you from Tiffany's.

And I just wanted to make sure

you got it okay.

It was marked fragile.

(rattling)

And a very same to you.

♪ We wish you a
Merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a
Merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a
Merry Christmas ♪

♪ And a Happy New Year ♪

(music playing)

♪ Oh, yeah! ♪

Maude was recorded on
tape before a live audience.

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪

♪ And then there's... ♪

♪ Right on, Maude ♪

♪ Right on, Maude ♪

♪ And then there's Maude ♪