Maude (1972–1978): Season 1, Episode 3 - Maude Meets Florida - full transcript
Obsessed with hiring a black housekeeper so she can "liberate" her, Maude meets her match in Florida Evans of "Good Times" fame.
[DONNY HATHAWAY'S "AND
THEN THERE'S MAUDE" PLAYS]
♪ Lady Godiva Was
a freedom rider ♪
♪ Woo-hoo-hoo ♪
♪ She didn't care ♪
♪ If the whole world looked ♪
♪ Joan of Arc with
the Lord To guide her ♪
♪ Woo-hoo-hoo ♪
♪ She was a sister
Who really cooked ♪
♪ Isadora was the
first Bra burner ♪
♪ Ain't you glad
She showed up? ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ And when the
country Was fallin' apart ♪
♪ Betsy Ross Got
it all sewed up ♪
♪ And then There's Maude ♪
♪ And then there's Maude ♪
♪ And then There's Maude ♪
♪ And then there's Maude ♪
♪ And then There's Maude ♪
♪ And then there's Maude ♪
♪ And then there's... ♪
♪ That uncompromisin'
Enterprisin' ♪
♪ Anything but tranquilizin'
Right on, Maude! ♪
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello?
No, this is not Mr. Findlay.
It's Mrs. Findlay.
Yeah, Mr. Findlay has
a much higher voice.
Wha... Oh, fine. Then
I'll expect her soon.
Oh, by the way, what's her name?
Mrs. Evans. Thank you very much.
Thank you. Bye-bye.
Car... Oh, Phillip, is
your mother up yet?
Uh-huh.
Listen, honey, if
you're gonna go out
and play with your tape
recorder, be careful of it.
And keep your jacket
zipped up. It's chilly outside.
It's warm out. It is chilly.
Now, you keep your
jacket zipped up,
or Grandma Maude will
rip your little heart out.
Bye.
Carol!
I hear you, Mother.
Honey, I wanna get
breakfast out of the way
and the house straightened
up in 15 minutes.
Morning, Maude. Hi, honey.
Why all the frantic cleaning at
9:00 on a Saturday morning?
I'm expecting somebody,
and I don't want her
to walk into a disorderly house.
This isn't a disorderly house.
This is a dirty house.
I've been in disorderly houses,
and I know what they're like.
Be careful, Walter.
You have a long
life ahead of you,
and I'm gonna be with
you every minute of it.
Great. Coffee ready?
Yeah, it's in the
kitchen. Right.
Carol! Carol, please.
I am up to my ashtrays in grime.
CAROL: I'm coming!
Honey, I'm sorry I had
to get you up so early
on a Saturday morning,
but the agency is sending
over a housekeeper
for me to interview.
It's okay.
I was up early, anyway.
That dumb kid was
making so much noise,
he woke me up at 7.
Phillip is not dumb.
Besides, you can't
expect an 8-year-old
to be quiet in the morning.
What was he doing?
He was in his room,
practicing swearing.
You're kidding.
He was shouting obscenities
into that tape recorder
you bought him,
and then playing it back.
Oh, he was probably
checking it out.
Whatever happened to
"testing, one, two, three"?
Anyway, I stopped him.
Gently, I hope.
Of course. I told him
to shut the hell up.
Walter, you've always had a
marvelous way with children.
Well, any kid who yells dirty
words into a tape recorder
and then plays it back must
have an uncommon need
to be cursed at,
and I was delighted
to fill that need.
Listen, Walter.
Honey.
Listen.
This is your home.
And if you don't want
my daughter and
my only grandchild
living here with
us, just tell me.
And?
And I'll rip your heart out.
All right, Mother, I'm here.
Am I allowed to
have a cup of coffee
before we start work?
Oh, now, look, honey.
I know it's your day off,
but this housekeeper
is important.
So try not to remind me
of all the money I wasted
sending you through
charm school.
I was out till 4 in the morning,
you have me up at
9:00 to play house.
Where's Phillip?
He's outside playing.
With his new tape recorder.
And you should
hear what... Walter.
Uh, don't you wanna find out
who Carol was
out with last night?
No.
Who was it, honey?
The Toyota dealer?
The chiropodist?
Or the one who
said he isn't married
and I know better?
Mother, I'm not gonna sit here
while you do a number
on the men I date.
So stop asking
who I was out with,
what we had for dinner,
and did we go all the way.
Carol, I have never in my life
asked you a question like that.
Come on, where would I get
a dumb expression like that?
It's right out of the '40s.
Hey, come on,
you two, cut it out.
I mean, does every
house in America
with a mother and daughter in it
sound like this one?
What are you
talking about, Walter?
Carol and I are the envy
of every mother and
daughter we know.
How do we know that, Mother?
From all the telegrams we get.
"Dear Carol and
Maude, we envy you.
Signed, a mother and daughter."
Oh, listen, honey,
let's finish up
and straighten
up the house a bit
before the new
housekeeper gets here.
I think it's ridiculous.
Us getting the place
clean for a maid.
We do not say "maid."
We say "housekeeper."
Correction noted.
I suppose we're getting
another black housekeeper?
Well, how should I
know? I didn't ask for one.
Mother!
All right, I asked.
Yes, and you'll
spoil her to death,
and Walter will
end up firing her,
just like Marcy and Willie...
I do not spoil them.
You do, Maude.
You see black, and you melt.
It's not true.
It is.
A black maid says,
"hello," you say, "I'm sorry."
[DOORBELL RINGS]
There she is. That's
the housekeeper.
Carol, wait. Carol.
Carol, don't you
dare open that door.
Straighten up the place.
Fluff up some
pillows or something.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Be right there!
Carol, listen.
From that look on your face,
you are gonna scare
that poor woman to death.
Carol, you don't know
how frightening it is
for them to come into
a brand-new situation
in a white household.
I, for one, intend to make
her feel warm and welcome.
Well, hello.
You must be Mrs. Evans.
I hope you didn't have
any trouble finding us.
Oh, no, ma'am.
I heard you all the
way from the bus stop.
Well, may I come in?
Well, uh, of course, of course.
Come in, Mrs. Evans.
Meet my daughter, Carol.
Carol, this is Mrs. Evans.
Hello. How do you do, ma'am?
Ma'am?
Oh, did I hear you say "ma'am"?
Oh, no.
We can't have that
in this household.
No, from now on, I want you
to call her Carol and me Maude.
Now, what shall we call you?
Mrs. Evans.
I... I don't think
you understand.
She understands just fine.
May I take your
coat, Mrs. Evans?
Thank you.
Uh, Mrs. Evans, won't
you, uh, sit down?
Sit down. Would...
Would you excuse me a minute?
Uh, Carol, I just
wanted to ask you...
How do you like her?
I like her.
I mean, I love the
way she comes on.
You love the way she comes on,
but you don't see one
inch beneath that, do you?
Obviously, the poor
woman is frightened to death.
No, what you call
"coming on" is a defense.
It's her... Her way of
coping with the pain.
Mrs. Evans.
Mrs. Evans, have
you ever met someone
and instinctively
liked that person
at the very first time?
No, never.
Oh.
This is a big house you
have here, Mrs. Findlay.
Yes, but it cleans
like a small one.
Oh, now, look.
The thing that we
have to get straight
right off the bat is
that in this household,
we are all on a
first name basis.
I mean, even my
daughter calls me Maude.
Now, what's your first name?
Florida.
Florida.
Oh, you were
named after the state.
No, I was named after my aunt.
Oh, and she was
named after the state.
No, she was named
after her mother.
Oh, her mother was...
Was named after an orange.
You see...
They was picking 'em down there,
and she went into labor
right in the orange grove.
Had the baby 10 minutes later.
They was either gonna
call her Florida or Sunkist.
Now you know the whole story.
Fascinating. Fascinating.
I mean, the things that...
That come out of
your culture are so...
So rich, so... juicy.
Mmmmm-hm.
I got one about an apple
I'll tell you sometime.
I like you, Florida.
You're funny.
Thank you, honey.
You know, Florida...
You and I have a
great deal in common.
We do?
When I was young, we
were very, very, very poor.
As a matter of fact,
for the first seven years,
I had to share a
bedroom with two sisters.
That many? Mmmm-mm.
CAROL: Poor Mother.
How you've suffered.
Carol.
She's such a tease.
She has her father's dimples,
and look how she's
flashing them at me.
Shameless child.
Maude.
Oh, Walter, I'd like
you to meet Florida.
Hey, congratulations, Maude.
Eleven minutes.
That's the longest you've
kept a maid in two years.
Walter, there's a thin line
between love and hate...
and you're erasing it.
Florida.
Florida, I'd like you
to meet Mr. Findlay.
Hello. Oh, how do you do?
Florida, how nice. You
were named after the state.
Oh, don't be ridiculous, Walter.
She was named after an aunt.
Is something wrong?
I was looking for the dimples.
The dimples?
I guess they must
be someplace else.
Oh! Oh, I'm sorry,
Florida, I forgot.
Mr. Findlay isn't
Carol's father.
You see, I was married before.
A lot before.
God'll get you for that, Walter.
What is it here, um...
Just the three of
you living here?
Three and a half.
Carol's got an 8-year-old kid.
Phillip is not dumb.
And he's no trouble.
As a matter of fact, Florida,
he's responsible for
picking up his own room.
Sometimes he forgets. Forgets?
That kid served
time for littering.
They're both such teasers.
But that's family.
And, Florida, dear,
that's exactly how
I want you to feel.
Like one of the family.
I got a family.
You bet you have.
Look, Mrs. Findlay,
I really have to go,
because today I'm
my own housekeeper.
Well, Florida, the job's yours.
The agency said that you have
Monday, Wednesday and
Friday afternoons open.
And that's fine. And
the money's fine.
So, Florida, I want you to
consider this your home.
I got a home.
You can say that again.
I'll be here Monday at 1:00.
Oh, and the first week
will be on a trial basis.
Oh, Florida,
don't be ridiculous.
You're not on trial.
I know. You are.
See you Monday.
I hope you two are satisfied.
With all that quarreling
and bickering,
the poor woman doesn't
know what to think.
Mother, Florida will
survive the family.
She's wonderful.
It's your fawning over
her that's the problem.
I do not fawn.
Carol, that woman
needs our help.
She's not supposed
to need our help.
She's supposed to be our help.
Walter, Florida is not
your modern Negro.
She hasn't found
that new sense of...
Of self-respect and militancy.
Let's face it.
Walter, Florida is your
pre-liberation Southern black.
You make her sound
like a tropical fish.
You better start looking
for a new maid, Mother.
You're gonna need
one in a week. Oh?
Listen, honey.
I have Monday,
Wednesday and Friday.
I intend to treat that
woman as an equal.
Teach her a new
sense of self-respect.
By Friday, she wouldn't leave me
if her life depended on it.
Maude... how can you be sure?
Because her life
will depend on it.
Maude?
Maude!
Carol?
Phillip?
Florida?
Georgia?
Mississippi? Anybody?
Hi, Walter.
Where is everybody?
I don't know. I just
got home myself.
Will you take a look at this?
We're out of gin.
Yesterday this bottle
was almost half full.
You don't suppose
Florida's taking
a little nip on it now
and then, do you?
Shame on you.
A little gin is missing,
and just because we
happen to have a black maid,
you automatically
think she took it. Wrong.
I'd think Florida took it
if she was Snow White.
My prejudice isn't
color. It's maids.
They drink.
The point I'm making, Florida,
is that for the
first time in history,
the young blacks in the ghetto
are trying for a
bigger political voice.
Most of the kids
in my neighborhood
are trying for a hit record.
Let me take these in and
put them in the kitchen.
I'll carry mine.
I'll take it, Mrs. Findlay.
Sorry about the dirty dishes
on the coffee
table, Mr. Findlay,
but some people don't let
nobody get their work done.
Carol, Walter, isn't
Florida a dream?
Did you see the way she
just took that bag from me?
Yeah. Just like she was a maid.
Now, listen.
Walter, don't be a sore loser
just because I told you
she'd be happy here.
And by the way,
Carol, today is Friday,
and she hasn't said
one word about quitting.
And it's no wonder, Maude.
We're out of gin.
Oh, I forgot.
Florida and I had a
couple of martinis at lunch.
A couple of martinis at lunch?
You and Florida?
In most homes, the
maid drinks on the sly.
In our house, it's part
of her on-the-job training.
Oh, Miss Carol, I
forgot to tell you.
Phillip's school called.
The principal wants
to see you tomorrow.
He said something
about a tape recorder.
CAROL: A tape recorder?
Yeah, he said something
about wiping it clean
and having it impounded.
Mother, did you know
something about this?
Well... a little.
The other day, Walter
caught Phillip swearing
into his new tape recorder.
And you didn't tell me about it?
Oh, honey, all
little boys swear.
Maybe not like Phillip.
MAUDE: Walter.
No, it just didn't
seem important.
Not important?
My son takes an obscene
tape recorder to school,
you say it's not important?
Oh, Carol, please.
By the way, Florida,
why didn't you tell
me about that call?
The message was for her.
I know, but we... What
difference does it make?
We were together all day.
Well, like I said, the
message was for her.
Thank you, Florida.
It is about time someone
respected the privacy
of the individual around here.
Well, I don't know about that,
but like I said, the message...
Don't say it again,
Florida. Yeah, I know.
I'm pretty sick of
them words myself.
You are spoiling her rotten!
I am? WALTER: She is?
You are! You wanna talk
about spoiling someone,
let's talk about
you and Phillip.
What did he need with a
$49 tape recorder, anyway?
That kid is spoiled rotten.
Walter!
I said, "rotten," not "dumb."
Mother, Phillip is my son.
Please keep your voice down.
She's liable to...
I am his mother.
You're absolutely right.
I think we should have
the party on Saturday.
Still fighting
about the kid, huh?
Florida, where are you going?
To get the groceries.
So why don't you
use the back door?
Walter!
But she'll have a shorter walk.
It's closer to the car.
I know it's shorter,
but you tell that to
the NAACP over there.
Walter, I am... I am shocked!
You know that "the back door"
still has racial overtones.
Come over here,
and I'll tell you
what I do know.
I know what you know,
and it's not very much.
Maude. You goofed.
You made a big mistake.
You should never... Maude!
Sit!
You've been making
a fool of yourself again.
I beg your pardon?
He is right, Mother. Take today.
I come home, the
house is a mess,
you and Florida
aren't even here.
We were shopping, and
keep your voice down.
Any minute now
she's liable to come in.
I'm in!
Okay, you can start talking.
By the way, since when
does a maid come in
at 1:00 in the
afternoon and get lunch?
Walter, you would take
the food out of her mouth.
Yes, and the olive
out of her martini.
You always overdo, Maude.
Florida, Phillip.
It's the same thing.
Walter, where are you going?
Next door, to borrow
some gin from Arthur.
His maid only drinks tequila.
I just...
I-I don't understand
his attitude or yours.
That makes us even,
Maude. And do me a favor.
When Phillip comes in,
let me talk to him
about the tape recorder.
And another thing, Mother.
Try not to buy him a
car until he's at least 10.
Carol!
I got an announcement to make.
It's 6:00, the week
is up, and I is out.
Florida.
Florida, you can't quit.
What do you mean, I can't quit?
Are you the Mafia?
But just because
I had a few words
with Carol and Walter.
That has nothing to do with it.
It's just plain you.
Me? Me?
I must be losing my mind!
Better you than me.
Florida, don't go.
I have to catch my bus.
May I have my money?
Florida, I was
only trying to help.
All right, go.
If you don't wanna
improve yourself,
I'm not gonna try to change you.
What do you mean,
improve myself?
You wanna know?
I'll tell you.
Florida, for one week
I have been trying
to prove to you
that a black woman
can be just as proud
and just as self-respecting
as a white woman, but you
are too darn dumb to know it.
And for one week,
I've been trying
to do my work like a black woman
who is just as proud
and just as self-respecting
as any white woman,
and you are just too
darn dumb to know that!
Look, I like doing my
work, Mrs. Findlay,
but I don't like
using the front door
when the back door is closer,
I don't like drinking martinis
in the middle of the day,
and what's more, I like to eat
in the kitchen by myself.
Florida, you are a bigot!
I'm a what?
How dare you deny
me my God-given right
to be your equal.
Listen, if I'm good
enough to employ you,
I'm good enough to eat with you.
You wanna run that around again?
No, I didn't understand
it the first time.
Florida.
Oh, never mind.
No, wait!
Listen, you may be
leaving my house,
but you're not going out
through the back door.
All right, Mrs. Findlay.
Have it your way.
But the next time, do me a favor
and get yourself
a white maid, huh?
She'll be able to
use the back door,
and it'll be a whole
lot easier on her feet.
Good night, Florida.
See you Monday.
You won't see me Monday.
I'm breaking out
of here for good.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Look, honey, I want you to know
it has nothing to do with you.
But I just keep
running into problems
with white liberals
that just won't quit.
Well, you're not gonna tell me
you'd rather work for a bigot.
No, but at least they don't keep
trying to change you.
They just hate you as you is.
Florida, you're okay.
[CHUCKLES]
I really wish you'd stay.
I kinda like you too, honey.
You're groovy.
Maybe I could make
Mother understand.
Oh, Walter.
If I die before my time,
it won't be from drinking.
It'll be from running around
looking for something to drink.
Walter, Florida's
leaving for good.
Oh, I'm really sorry
about that, Florida.
I kinda like your style.
Don't you think if Florida
agreed to stay a while,
you and I could get
Maude to change?
Not Maude. Maude won't change.
And I want you to
know something, Florida.
I like her style too.
CAROL: As a
matter if fact, Florida,
you and my mother
are not that unalike.
Oh... Look, why don't
you two hang loose.
Let me see if I
can't fix up things.
[DOOR CREAKS]
I was just checking to
see if I didn't leave nothin'.
You didn't leave nothin'.
How can you be sure?
Listen, Florida,
since you're still here
not looking for anything...
I've been sitting
here thinking, and...
Well, if you'd like to
stay, I'll let you work
as long and as hard as you want.
You mean that?
I mean you can
work your butt off!
Good!
Now, you be here
Monday at 1 p.m.,
and start with the
bathrooms and bedrooms.
I always start with the
kitchen and downstairs.
No, it's always
best to start upstairs.
It's best to start downstairs.
Upstairs. Look, you
telling me, woman?
This is my career!
You just an amateur.
But honey, it's...
It's my house.
And mine to keep clean!
Look, I ain't never
trained no boss before,
but you either gonna
do what you do good,
and let me do what I do good,
or else that's that.
Do the things you do good.
See you Monday.
Going out back doors,
one of the things
I do real good.
Carol?
Walter!
And you said I
couldn't keep a maid.
♪ Whatever Maudie wants ♪
♪ Boo-ba-dee-ya Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
♪ Maudie gets ♪
♪ Do-da-dee-yoo-do-do ♪
♪ And, little man Little
Maudie wants you ♪
Wait a minute, don't take this
as a review of
your voice, Maude,
but it's good to
hear you singing
around the house again.
Joy reigns again
at the Findlays.
It must be your
success with Florida.
Well, I must say
that I... Mother.
What would you say if I told you
that Walter and I
were responsible
for Florida staying?
I'd say... "Liar,
liar, house on fire."
♪ Whatever Maudie wants ♪
♪ Boo-ba-dee-ya Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
♪ Maudie gets ♪
[♪♪♪]
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
ANNOUNCER: Maude was recorded
on tape before a live audience.
♪ And then There's Maude ♪
♪ And then There's Maude ♪
♪ And then There's Maude ♪
♪ And then there's... ♪
♪ Right on, Maude! ♪
♪ Right on... ♪
THEN THERE'S MAUDE" PLAYS]
♪ Lady Godiva Was
a freedom rider ♪
♪ Woo-hoo-hoo ♪
♪ She didn't care ♪
♪ If the whole world looked ♪
♪ Joan of Arc with
the Lord To guide her ♪
♪ Woo-hoo-hoo ♪
♪ She was a sister
Who really cooked ♪
♪ Isadora was the
first Bra burner ♪
♪ Ain't you glad
She showed up? ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ And when the
country Was fallin' apart ♪
♪ Betsy Ross Got
it all sewed up ♪
♪ And then There's Maude ♪
♪ And then there's Maude ♪
♪ And then There's Maude ♪
♪ And then there's Maude ♪
♪ And then There's Maude ♪
♪ And then there's Maude ♪
♪ And then there's... ♪
♪ That uncompromisin'
Enterprisin' ♪
♪ Anything but tranquilizin'
Right on, Maude! ♪
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello?
No, this is not Mr. Findlay.
It's Mrs. Findlay.
Yeah, Mr. Findlay has
a much higher voice.
Wha... Oh, fine. Then
I'll expect her soon.
Oh, by the way, what's her name?
Mrs. Evans. Thank you very much.
Thank you. Bye-bye.
Car... Oh, Phillip, is
your mother up yet?
Uh-huh.
Listen, honey, if
you're gonna go out
and play with your tape
recorder, be careful of it.
And keep your jacket
zipped up. It's chilly outside.
It's warm out. It is chilly.
Now, you keep your
jacket zipped up,
or Grandma Maude will
rip your little heart out.
Bye.
Carol!
I hear you, Mother.
Honey, I wanna get
breakfast out of the way
and the house straightened
up in 15 minutes.
Morning, Maude. Hi, honey.
Why all the frantic cleaning at
9:00 on a Saturday morning?
I'm expecting somebody,
and I don't want her
to walk into a disorderly house.
This isn't a disorderly house.
This is a dirty house.
I've been in disorderly houses,
and I know what they're like.
Be careful, Walter.
You have a long
life ahead of you,
and I'm gonna be with
you every minute of it.
Great. Coffee ready?
Yeah, it's in the
kitchen. Right.
Carol! Carol, please.
I am up to my ashtrays in grime.
CAROL: I'm coming!
Honey, I'm sorry I had
to get you up so early
on a Saturday morning,
but the agency is sending
over a housekeeper
for me to interview.
It's okay.
I was up early, anyway.
That dumb kid was
making so much noise,
he woke me up at 7.
Phillip is not dumb.
Besides, you can't
expect an 8-year-old
to be quiet in the morning.
What was he doing?
He was in his room,
practicing swearing.
You're kidding.
He was shouting obscenities
into that tape recorder
you bought him,
and then playing it back.
Oh, he was probably
checking it out.
Whatever happened to
"testing, one, two, three"?
Anyway, I stopped him.
Gently, I hope.
Of course. I told him
to shut the hell up.
Walter, you've always had a
marvelous way with children.
Well, any kid who yells dirty
words into a tape recorder
and then plays it back must
have an uncommon need
to be cursed at,
and I was delighted
to fill that need.
Listen, Walter.
Honey.
Listen.
This is your home.
And if you don't want
my daughter and
my only grandchild
living here with
us, just tell me.
And?
And I'll rip your heart out.
All right, Mother, I'm here.
Am I allowed to
have a cup of coffee
before we start work?
Oh, now, look, honey.
I know it's your day off,
but this housekeeper
is important.
So try not to remind me
of all the money I wasted
sending you through
charm school.
I was out till 4 in the morning,
you have me up at
9:00 to play house.
Where's Phillip?
He's outside playing.
With his new tape recorder.
And you should
hear what... Walter.
Uh, don't you wanna find out
who Carol was
out with last night?
No.
Who was it, honey?
The Toyota dealer?
The chiropodist?
Or the one who
said he isn't married
and I know better?
Mother, I'm not gonna sit here
while you do a number
on the men I date.
So stop asking
who I was out with,
what we had for dinner,
and did we go all the way.
Carol, I have never in my life
asked you a question like that.
Come on, where would I get
a dumb expression like that?
It's right out of the '40s.
Hey, come on,
you two, cut it out.
I mean, does every
house in America
with a mother and daughter in it
sound like this one?
What are you
talking about, Walter?
Carol and I are the envy
of every mother and
daughter we know.
How do we know that, Mother?
From all the telegrams we get.
"Dear Carol and
Maude, we envy you.
Signed, a mother and daughter."
Oh, listen, honey,
let's finish up
and straighten
up the house a bit
before the new
housekeeper gets here.
I think it's ridiculous.
Us getting the place
clean for a maid.
We do not say "maid."
We say "housekeeper."
Correction noted.
I suppose we're getting
another black housekeeper?
Well, how should I
know? I didn't ask for one.
Mother!
All right, I asked.
Yes, and you'll
spoil her to death,
and Walter will
end up firing her,
just like Marcy and Willie...
I do not spoil them.
You do, Maude.
You see black, and you melt.
It's not true.
It is.
A black maid says,
"hello," you say, "I'm sorry."
[DOORBELL RINGS]
There she is. That's
the housekeeper.
Carol, wait. Carol.
Carol, don't you
dare open that door.
Straighten up the place.
Fluff up some
pillows or something.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Be right there!
Carol, listen.
From that look on your face,
you are gonna scare
that poor woman to death.
Carol, you don't know
how frightening it is
for them to come into
a brand-new situation
in a white household.
I, for one, intend to make
her feel warm and welcome.
Well, hello.
You must be Mrs. Evans.
I hope you didn't have
any trouble finding us.
Oh, no, ma'am.
I heard you all the
way from the bus stop.
Well, may I come in?
Well, uh, of course, of course.
Come in, Mrs. Evans.
Meet my daughter, Carol.
Carol, this is Mrs. Evans.
Hello. How do you do, ma'am?
Ma'am?
Oh, did I hear you say "ma'am"?
Oh, no.
We can't have that
in this household.
No, from now on, I want you
to call her Carol and me Maude.
Now, what shall we call you?
Mrs. Evans.
I... I don't think
you understand.
She understands just fine.
May I take your
coat, Mrs. Evans?
Thank you.
Uh, Mrs. Evans, won't
you, uh, sit down?
Sit down. Would...
Would you excuse me a minute?
Uh, Carol, I just
wanted to ask you...
How do you like her?
I like her.
I mean, I love the
way she comes on.
You love the way she comes on,
but you don't see one
inch beneath that, do you?
Obviously, the poor
woman is frightened to death.
No, what you call
"coming on" is a defense.
It's her... Her way of
coping with the pain.
Mrs. Evans.
Mrs. Evans, have
you ever met someone
and instinctively
liked that person
at the very first time?
No, never.
Oh.
This is a big house you
have here, Mrs. Findlay.
Yes, but it cleans
like a small one.
Oh, now, look.
The thing that we
have to get straight
right off the bat is
that in this household,
we are all on a
first name basis.
I mean, even my
daughter calls me Maude.
Now, what's your first name?
Florida.
Florida.
Oh, you were
named after the state.
No, I was named after my aunt.
Oh, and she was
named after the state.
No, she was named
after her mother.
Oh, her mother was...
Was named after an orange.
You see...
They was picking 'em down there,
and she went into labor
right in the orange grove.
Had the baby 10 minutes later.
They was either gonna
call her Florida or Sunkist.
Now you know the whole story.
Fascinating. Fascinating.
I mean, the things that...
That come out of
your culture are so...
So rich, so... juicy.
Mmmmm-hm.
I got one about an apple
I'll tell you sometime.
I like you, Florida.
You're funny.
Thank you, honey.
You know, Florida...
You and I have a
great deal in common.
We do?
When I was young, we
were very, very, very poor.
As a matter of fact,
for the first seven years,
I had to share a
bedroom with two sisters.
That many? Mmmm-mm.
CAROL: Poor Mother.
How you've suffered.
Carol.
She's such a tease.
She has her father's dimples,
and look how she's
flashing them at me.
Shameless child.
Maude.
Oh, Walter, I'd like
you to meet Florida.
Hey, congratulations, Maude.
Eleven minutes.
That's the longest you've
kept a maid in two years.
Walter, there's a thin line
between love and hate...
and you're erasing it.
Florida.
Florida, I'd like you
to meet Mr. Findlay.
Hello. Oh, how do you do?
Florida, how nice. You
were named after the state.
Oh, don't be ridiculous, Walter.
She was named after an aunt.
Is something wrong?
I was looking for the dimples.
The dimples?
I guess they must
be someplace else.
Oh! Oh, I'm sorry,
Florida, I forgot.
Mr. Findlay isn't
Carol's father.
You see, I was married before.
A lot before.
God'll get you for that, Walter.
What is it here, um...
Just the three of
you living here?
Three and a half.
Carol's got an 8-year-old kid.
Phillip is not dumb.
And he's no trouble.
As a matter of fact, Florida,
he's responsible for
picking up his own room.
Sometimes he forgets. Forgets?
That kid served
time for littering.
They're both such teasers.
But that's family.
And, Florida, dear,
that's exactly how
I want you to feel.
Like one of the family.
I got a family.
You bet you have.
Look, Mrs. Findlay,
I really have to go,
because today I'm
my own housekeeper.
Well, Florida, the job's yours.
The agency said that you have
Monday, Wednesday and
Friday afternoons open.
And that's fine. And
the money's fine.
So, Florida, I want you to
consider this your home.
I got a home.
You can say that again.
I'll be here Monday at 1:00.
Oh, and the first week
will be on a trial basis.
Oh, Florida,
don't be ridiculous.
You're not on trial.
I know. You are.
See you Monday.
I hope you two are satisfied.
With all that quarreling
and bickering,
the poor woman doesn't
know what to think.
Mother, Florida will
survive the family.
She's wonderful.
It's your fawning over
her that's the problem.
I do not fawn.
Carol, that woman
needs our help.
She's not supposed
to need our help.
She's supposed to be our help.
Walter, Florida is not
your modern Negro.
She hasn't found
that new sense of...
Of self-respect and militancy.
Let's face it.
Walter, Florida is your
pre-liberation Southern black.
You make her sound
like a tropical fish.
You better start looking
for a new maid, Mother.
You're gonna need
one in a week. Oh?
Listen, honey.
I have Monday,
Wednesday and Friday.
I intend to treat that
woman as an equal.
Teach her a new
sense of self-respect.
By Friday, she wouldn't leave me
if her life depended on it.
Maude... how can you be sure?
Because her life
will depend on it.
Maude?
Maude!
Carol?
Phillip?
Florida?
Georgia?
Mississippi? Anybody?
Hi, Walter.
Where is everybody?
I don't know. I just
got home myself.
Will you take a look at this?
We're out of gin.
Yesterday this bottle
was almost half full.
You don't suppose
Florida's taking
a little nip on it now
and then, do you?
Shame on you.
A little gin is missing,
and just because we
happen to have a black maid,
you automatically
think she took it. Wrong.
I'd think Florida took it
if she was Snow White.
My prejudice isn't
color. It's maids.
They drink.
The point I'm making, Florida,
is that for the
first time in history,
the young blacks in the ghetto
are trying for a
bigger political voice.
Most of the kids
in my neighborhood
are trying for a hit record.
Let me take these in and
put them in the kitchen.
I'll carry mine.
I'll take it, Mrs. Findlay.
Sorry about the dirty dishes
on the coffee
table, Mr. Findlay,
but some people don't let
nobody get their work done.
Carol, Walter, isn't
Florida a dream?
Did you see the way she
just took that bag from me?
Yeah. Just like she was a maid.
Now, listen.
Walter, don't be a sore loser
just because I told you
she'd be happy here.
And by the way,
Carol, today is Friday,
and she hasn't said
one word about quitting.
And it's no wonder, Maude.
We're out of gin.
Oh, I forgot.
Florida and I had a
couple of martinis at lunch.
A couple of martinis at lunch?
You and Florida?
In most homes, the
maid drinks on the sly.
In our house, it's part
of her on-the-job training.
Oh, Miss Carol, I
forgot to tell you.
Phillip's school called.
The principal wants
to see you tomorrow.
He said something
about a tape recorder.
CAROL: A tape recorder?
Yeah, he said something
about wiping it clean
and having it impounded.
Mother, did you know
something about this?
Well... a little.
The other day, Walter
caught Phillip swearing
into his new tape recorder.
And you didn't tell me about it?
Oh, honey, all
little boys swear.
Maybe not like Phillip.
MAUDE: Walter.
No, it just didn't
seem important.
Not important?
My son takes an obscene
tape recorder to school,
you say it's not important?
Oh, Carol, please.
By the way, Florida,
why didn't you tell
me about that call?
The message was for her.
I know, but we... What
difference does it make?
We were together all day.
Well, like I said, the
message was for her.
Thank you, Florida.
It is about time someone
respected the privacy
of the individual around here.
Well, I don't know about that,
but like I said, the message...
Don't say it again,
Florida. Yeah, I know.
I'm pretty sick of
them words myself.
You are spoiling her rotten!
I am? WALTER: She is?
You are! You wanna talk
about spoiling someone,
let's talk about
you and Phillip.
What did he need with a
$49 tape recorder, anyway?
That kid is spoiled rotten.
Walter!
I said, "rotten," not "dumb."
Mother, Phillip is my son.
Please keep your voice down.
She's liable to...
I am his mother.
You're absolutely right.
I think we should have
the party on Saturday.
Still fighting
about the kid, huh?
Florida, where are you going?
To get the groceries.
So why don't you
use the back door?
Walter!
But she'll have a shorter walk.
It's closer to the car.
I know it's shorter,
but you tell that to
the NAACP over there.
Walter, I am... I am shocked!
You know that "the back door"
still has racial overtones.
Come over here,
and I'll tell you
what I do know.
I know what you know,
and it's not very much.
Maude. You goofed.
You made a big mistake.
You should never... Maude!
Sit!
You've been making
a fool of yourself again.
I beg your pardon?
He is right, Mother. Take today.
I come home, the
house is a mess,
you and Florida
aren't even here.
We were shopping, and
keep your voice down.
Any minute now
she's liable to come in.
I'm in!
Okay, you can start talking.
By the way, since when
does a maid come in
at 1:00 in the
afternoon and get lunch?
Walter, you would take
the food out of her mouth.
Yes, and the olive
out of her martini.
You always overdo, Maude.
Florida, Phillip.
It's the same thing.
Walter, where are you going?
Next door, to borrow
some gin from Arthur.
His maid only drinks tequila.
I just...
I-I don't understand
his attitude or yours.
That makes us even,
Maude. And do me a favor.
When Phillip comes in,
let me talk to him
about the tape recorder.
And another thing, Mother.
Try not to buy him a
car until he's at least 10.
Carol!
I got an announcement to make.
It's 6:00, the week
is up, and I is out.
Florida.
Florida, you can't quit.
What do you mean, I can't quit?
Are you the Mafia?
But just because
I had a few words
with Carol and Walter.
That has nothing to do with it.
It's just plain you.
Me? Me?
I must be losing my mind!
Better you than me.
Florida, don't go.
I have to catch my bus.
May I have my money?
Florida, I was
only trying to help.
All right, go.
If you don't wanna
improve yourself,
I'm not gonna try to change you.
What do you mean,
improve myself?
You wanna know?
I'll tell you.
Florida, for one week
I have been trying
to prove to you
that a black woman
can be just as proud
and just as self-respecting
as a white woman, but you
are too darn dumb to know it.
And for one week,
I've been trying
to do my work like a black woman
who is just as proud
and just as self-respecting
as any white woman,
and you are just too
darn dumb to know that!
Look, I like doing my
work, Mrs. Findlay,
but I don't like
using the front door
when the back door is closer,
I don't like drinking martinis
in the middle of the day,
and what's more, I like to eat
in the kitchen by myself.
Florida, you are a bigot!
I'm a what?
How dare you deny
me my God-given right
to be your equal.
Listen, if I'm good
enough to employ you,
I'm good enough to eat with you.
You wanna run that around again?
No, I didn't understand
it the first time.
Florida.
Oh, never mind.
No, wait!
Listen, you may be
leaving my house,
but you're not going out
through the back door.
All right, Mrs. Findlay.
Have it your way.
But the next time, do me a favor
and get yourself
a white maid, huh?
She'll be able to
use the back door,
and it'll be a whole
lot easier on her feet.
Good night, Florida.
See you Monday.
You won't see me Monday.
I'm breaking out
of here for good.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Look, honey, I want you to know
it has nothing to do with you.
But I just keep
running into problems
with white liberals
that just won't quit.
Well, you're not gonna tell me
you'd rather work for a bigot.
No, but at least they don't keep
trying to change you.
They just hate you as you is.
Florida, you're okay.
[CHUCKLES]
I really wish you'd stay.
I kinda like you too, honey.
You're groovy.
Maybe I could make
Mother understand.
Oh, Walter.
If I die before my time,
it won't be from drinking.
It'll be from running around
looking for something to drink.
Walter, Florida's
leaving for good.
Oh, I'm really sorry
about that, Florida.
I kinda like your style.
Don't you think if Florida
agreed to stay a while,
you and I could get
Maude to change?
Not Maude. Maude won't change.
And I want you to
know something, Florida.
I like her style too.
CAROL: As a
matter if fact, Florida,
you and my mother
are not that unalike.
Oh... Look, why don't
you two hang loose.
Let me see if I
can't fix up things.
[DOOR CREAKS]
I was just checking to
see if I didn't leave nothin'.
You didn't leave nothin'.
How can you be sure?
Listen, Florida,
since you're still here
not looking for anything...
I've been sitting
here thinking, and...
Well, if you'd like to
stay, I'll let you work
as long and as hard as you want.
You mean that?
I mean you can
work your butt off!
Good!
Now, you be here
Monday at 1 p.m.,
and start with the
bathrooms and bedrooms.
I always start with the
kitchen and downstairs.
No, it's always
best to start upstairs.
It's best to start downstairs.
Upstairs. Look, you
telling me, woman?
This is my career!
You just an amateur.
But honey, it's...
It's my house.
And mine to keep clean!
Look, I ain't never
trained no boss before,
but you either gonna
do what you do good,
and let me do what I do good,
or else that's that.
Do the things you do good.
See you Monday.
Going out back doors,
one of the things
I do real good.
Carol?
Walter!
And you said I
couldn't keep a maid.
♪ Whatever Maudie wants ♪
♪ Boo-ba-dee-ya Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
♪ Maudie gets ♪
♪ Do-da-dee-yoo-do-do ♪
♪ And, little man Little
Maudie wants you ♪
Wait a minute, don't take this
as a review of
your voice, Maude,
but it's good to
hear you singing
around the house again.
Joy reigns again
at the Findlays.
It must be your
success with Florida.
Well, I must say
that I... Mother.
What would you say if I told you
that Walter and I
were responsible
for Florida staying?
I'd say... "Liar,
liar, house on fire."
♪ Whatever Maudie wants ♪
♪ Boo-ba-dee-ya Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
♪ Maudie gets ♪
[♪♪♪]
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
ANNOUNCER: Maude was recorded
on tape before a live audience.
♪ And then There's Maude ♪
♪ And then There's Maude ♪
♪ And then There's Maude ♪
♪ And then there's... ♪
♪ Right on, Maude! ♪
♪ Right on... ♪