Matlock (1986–1995): Season 9, Episode 8 - Dead Air - full transcript
But what if the judge
disallows the testimony?
He won't.
- What time is it?
- Nine thirty-four. Well, he might.
Judge Dreyfus has been making
some pretty off-the-wall rulings lately.
Yeah, his wife's
been cheating on him.
Let's go get a bite.
One all the way.
- One all the way. All right.
- Make it two.
And the gentleman
wants another one.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
All right, let's just
say, hypothetically,
that Judge Dreyfus doesn't
allow the testimony. What then?
He's gonna allow the testimony.
Well, what if he doesn't?
I mean, my whole case
is based on that testimony.
Well, that and Hound Dog Norris.
- Who's Hound Dog Norris?
- The other attorney.
He knows how
important the testimony is.
He's gonna be trying
to get it disallowed.
Yeah.
Judge Dreyfus' wife is cheating on
him with a washing-machine repairman.
What's that got to
do with anything?
Well, the plaintiff is an
automobile repairman.
Not exactly the same thing,
but it's close enough for
Dreyfus to rule in your favor.
- Trust me.
- I do trust you.
It's just sometimes these
theories, they're a little confusing.
Look.
Looks like she slept in
those clothes. Ha, ha.
It's 9:41.
Plenty of time.
You got mustard
all over your chin.
All over it.
My suit. My suit. Look
what you did to my suit.
- You should watch where you're going.
- My suit.
Oh, that's a suit.
- Oh, sorry about the suit.
- Did you hear that?
I heard it. Come on, we gotta
hurry. The hearing's in ten minutes.
I can't go into a
courtroom like this.
What are you talking
about? I need you there.
No, I'm going home and change.
You start without me. Talk slow.
Tipping the scales at
473 pounds, she's the
- calorically challenged woman.
- Calorically challenged woman.
Well, hi, Jill.
- Hey, let's talk about sex.
- Ooh! Our favorite subject.
- Hey, Jill, you getting any?
- As much as I can.
Aw, get out of here.
Ray, you don't know what it's like
to make love to a woman like me.
- Ooh.
- Maybe you ought to try it.
Hey, what do you say, Ray, huh?
She could show you things
you've never seen before.
Yeah, I bet she could.
Well, you're gonna have to tune in
tomorrow to find out Ray's answer.
Okay, Jill, we got a
date tomorrow at 9:35.
And in the meantime, you're
about to become the first recipient
of the all-new WFZY giveaway.
It's an official Rick and
Ray callous scraper.
That's right, Rick.
And all you aliens out there who
don't know anything about calluses
or how to scrape them, join
us at 7 a.m. for more information
from the infamous
and sometimes infantile
Na, na, na-na, na
Rick and Ray Show.
Get this thing away from me.
Only you could come up
with something that revolting.
- Achoo.
- Will you please stop that?
That's revolting.
Crisis Management,
may I help you?
Yeah. Oh, Ricky?
Ricky, she wants to know why she
can't go to the radio station with you.
Rick Hamlin.
Tonight?
No. No, I'm sick as a
dog. I'm going home to bed.
Guess who?
You could be here all day, lady.
- Hi.
- Hey, don't listen to him.
He's having a bad hair day.
No.
Yeah, next week, maybe.
Yeah, right. Bye.
- Excuse me.
- Oh, man.
Moron.
What's, uh...? What's wrong?
Why didn't you
call me last night?
I knew you were working.
Heh.
Well, I'm not working tonight,
so why don't I cook
you dinner at your place?
- Hmm?
- Well, I didn't know you could cook.
I know how to do
everything, baby.
You know what we need?
- What could we possibly need?
- Ha, ha.
I think we need a little wine.
But you said you
didn't want any wine.
That was before
when it was your idea.
- Uh-huh.
- But this time it's my idea.
I'm gonna get you some wine.
No, no, no, you
stay here. I'll get it.
Okay.
- You just relax.
- I'll try.
Here we go.
Get back in. Close
it. Lock those doors.
Ray, honey, what was that noise?
Oh, my God.
Mr. Matlock, thanks for coming.
Oh, sure.
You're not bald.
No, no, that's just
one of Ray's bad jokes.
I loved the morning you had
on that Highway Dating Game.
Boy, that was a good show.
Of course you liked that
one, that was my idea.
You wanna know what
Ray wanted to do that day?
- What?
- Male strippers.
"Hey, Ray, hello, it's radio.
You can't even see strippers."
I thought you guys liked
each other. It sounded like it.
No, we just sounded like it.
No kidding?
Acting, Mr. Matlock.
We didn't see each other,
we didn't speak to each other.
I'd say for about the last three
years we actively despised each other.
Oh. Oh, that's why the
police wanted to talk to you.
That and the fact that
somebody with a ponytail like mine
was seen running from the scene.
Well, a lot of men have
ponytails these days.
And then there was the little
matter of the callous scraper.
Oh, yeah. That thing
you had on the show.
Yeah, that was another
one of Ray's bonehead ideas.
I thought it was the stupidest
thing I ever heard of in my life,
but he goes ahead and
orders dozens of the thing.
And he has my name
printed up on one of them.
Where does it end up? Oh,
that's right, ladies and gentlemen,
right outside of Ray's
bedroom window.
- Oh.
- Yeah, wherever Ray is now,
you can bet he's
laughing his head off.
- I don't get something.
- Hmm.
If you hated each other,
why'd you stay together?
Money.
We're a team. We're
like Rick and Ray.
Separately, we're
just run-of-the-mill DJs,
but together, we got
something special.
We have something
people wanna listen to.
Alone, not much.
Whoever shot Ray pretty
much shot my career.
Well, one good thing.
At least it shows that, uh,
you didn't have a motive.
Can't say I'm glad to see you.
Mind if we come in? Thanks.
At least this time I
have my lawyer with me.
Detective Pat Poletti.
How'd you get the
orange out of your suit?
You're a police detective?
We serve and protect. Homicide.
- You recognize this cap?
- That's...
A question he won't answer at
this time on advice of counsel.
No matter. His name's
embroidered on the inside.
It was found two doors down from
Ray Wallace's place, in the garbage.
Is this yours too?
- On advice of counsel...
- It was in the cap.
So, Mr. Hamlin, I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to ask you to come with me.
- Now, wait a minute...
- Go ahead. I'll come with you.
- A little early to be drinking, isn't it?
- It's tea. Do you mind?
Oh, well, your tea's 100 proof.
Why do you always have
to stand so close to people?
You gotta hear this.
The station manager records
everything that goes on in here
before, during and after
every single broadcast.
He says he's gonna
write a book someday.
Yeah, fat chance. Guy could
barely write his own name.
Anyway, um, this
is a tape recording
of what went on in here right
after yesterday's broadcast.
Get this thing away from me.
Only you could come up
with something that revolting.
There. Did you hear that?
That was me.
I couldn't stand that
stupid callous scraper.
I threw it across the room.
- What do you think?
- What do I think about what?
I hated the callous scraper.
Why would I carry around
something I hated? I wouldn't.
I mean, it proves I'm
being framed, right?
The DA's gonna say that you
knew you were being taped
and that's why you did all those
things. We have to have more.
Well, there is no more.
Whoever killed Ray
broke in here after we left,
took one of those callous
scrapers and stole one of my hats.
Do I have an alibi? No. I was
home all night blowing my nose.
Okay, just try to take it easy.
Take it easy? I can't take...
You're looking at a guy who's gonna
spend the rest of his life in prison
- because of a callous scraper.
- All right.
Tell me everybody who was in
here when you threw that scraper.
All right. You're right.
Whoa.
Ray had some babe in
here, um, right before I left.
I didn't get her name.
Oh, oh.
I got her voice, though.
Counselor, good
to see you, I think.
When you suggested
we talk over dinner,
I kind of thought you
meant a restaurant.
Well, I kind of did.
I live here with my ma, and she's
the best Italian cook in all of Atlanta.
You keep your paws off her.
- Right this way.
- Huh.
Ah, there's my mother.
Sophia Poletti, Ben Matlock.
Sit, sit, sit.
Yeah, come in.
- Sit down. Sit down.
- Okay.
I hope you're gonna like this.
- Oh, it looks good.
- Thank you.
Mm.
Here. Eat.
- My, um, Pat tells me you're a lawyer.
- That's right.
She also says
you're a little clumsy.
- I'm clumsy? She... My suit... Yeah.
- Oh, now let's not start that again.
Ha-ha-ha. I like a man
with a little fire in his belly.
Hey, there's room
for some in there too.
Ma, the man's here
on business. Sit.
So, what did you
wanna talk to me about?
Oh. I wanted you
to hear something.
- Rick did not commit that murder.
- Oh, yes, he did.
Sure as I'm sitting
here with garlic bread.
There was somebody in
the control room... Thank you.
With Ray right after he and Rick
finished their show. A woman.
She could've picked up that
callous scraper, stolen the cap.
She knew Rick was
gonna be home with a cold.
I'm not working tonight,
so why don't I cook you
dinner at your house?
I didn't know you
knew how to cook.
Ha, ha. I know how
to do everything, baby.
Sharon Perleen. She was
with him when he got whacked.
They'd been going
out for a couple months.
You already talked to her?
Yeah, she's the one
who called the police.
If you wanna meet her, just show
up at Ray's house tomorrow at 1.
I'm releasing her stuff.
Now, eat your manicotti
before my ma has a cow.
What was she doing
at Ray's house?
They were in bed together.
Now, eat.
- Hello, detective.
- Hi. This is Ben Matlock.
He's the lawyer
defending Rick Hamlin.
Now, why would you wanna
do a thing like that, Mr. Matlock?
Ooh. Mulberry stains.
You know, you don't get
them off, they'll ruin your paint.
Mr. Matlock here is kind of an
expert when it comes to stains.
Would you mind if we went in?
This is going to be rather
painful. I'd like to get it over with.
Thank you.
Were you here the night,
uh, Ray was murdered?
We all know you read
my statement, Mr. Matlock.
After you.
It occurred to me this morning
that if I had been in the room,
I would've been killed too.
Uh, my things are in the
closet. May I get them?
Mm.
She dropped the wine
when she saw the body.
- Club soda will get that out, right?
- Mm.
- You pretty good around the house?
- Yeah.
Mm.
- Ooh, iron your own shirts.
- Yeah.
- Do, uh, some cooking, little cleaning?
- Yeah.
Me, I'm no good at that stuff.
You're the guy I've
been looking for.
Did you find the bag lady the
neighbor saw leaving the scene?
Oh, bag lady.
Well, Mr. Yates said
he saw a short woman
in a red sweatshirt
and yellow scarf.
Not exactly what I'd call
a detailed description.
You're not even gonna look for
her? She might have seen the killer.
Oh, Mr. Matlock, news flash.
- I already got the killer.
- Mm.
Uh, excuse me. Did, uh...?
Ahem. Did you see her?
- Did I see who?
- The bag lady.
Oh, no. I, to be quite honest, never
give people like that a second glance.
What do you do?
- What do you mean, what do I do?
- I mean, work.
I edit a weekly magazine.
Huh. Is it hard?
No. It's time-consuming.
Mondays and Tuesdays I
normally work till midnight.
But Wednesdays, after
we go to press, I celebrate.
That's the time that I
would spend with Ray.
That became our night.
I would spend
Wednesdays with Ray.
I thought about it all week,
just being with him.
- May I go, please?
- Yeah, yeah.
Nice-looking dame.
She's okay.
Did you ever hear of a
nightclub called Martell's?
Yeah, it's a trendy
place, anything goes.
- Yeah.
- You know.
Look at all these
credit-card charges here.
Ray, looks like he went
there Monday and Tuesdays.
Ho! When the cat's away...
- You know where it is?
- Sure. It's, uh, 19th and Adams. Why?
Look for a spot without
people in it and go.
- I hear you.
- Move along.
- Hey, what up, guys?
- What's up?
Well, hi, Sailor.
Hi.
Did you see that
wild-looking girl?
Who, her? She's a he.
- How you doing?
- Okay, I guess.
All right.
- Hey. Wow, man. Outstanding suit.
- Thanks.
Oh, Tim, this is Ben. Ben, Tim.
- Oh, hi.
- You wanna dance?
- What?
- You wanna dance?
- With you?
- Yeah.
No.
What's the matter, you
didn't like Tim? He liked you.
- What kind of place is this?
- I think you hurt his feelings.
He'll just have to get over it.
Heartbreaker.
Hey, Bobby.
Hey, Pat. What
can I get for you?
Nothing she can spill.
Not a thing. I gotta go.
But, look, this dude here wants
to ask you a couple of questions.
Do me a favor.
Tell him the truth.
What?
Uh...
You know a guy
named Ray Wallace?
You bet. Dude was
famous. Came in here a lot.
He come in by himself
or was he with a...?
The last couple of weeks,
uh, he was with the same girl.
I know her name.
Dunn, Marsha Dunn.
- Hey, Neil.
- Oh, hey, Ben.
What's going on?
Some woman either
OD'd or offed herself.
Looks like it happened
sometime yesterday.
Her name wasn't
Marsha Dunn, was it?
Yes. How did you know?
I don't know. Just lucky.
I have no idea who
Marsha Dunn is.
Why do you ask, detective?
Because there's a mulberry
tree outside of her apartment.
I beg your pardon?
And you have mulberry
stains on your car.
And she was seeing your
late boyfriend, Ray Wallace.
Really?
And because she was found
dead yesterday. Apparent suicide.
The medical examiner says she
ingested something called Darzac.
How odd.
That's what my father
used when he killed himself.
The day after your stepmother
was found shot to death.
Ancient history.
Is there a point to
all of this, detective?
Point? Oh, no.
Except the people in your
life have a tendency to die.
This magazine you edit,
it's a medical journal?
Yes, it is.
Editing all that scientific
stuff must be pretty difficult.
Not at all. Actually,
it's quite fun.
Pretty smart, aren't you?
Yes, I am.
Also pretty possessive
when it comes to men?
I am no more possessive
than the next woman.
Are you possessive, detective?
It wouldn't bother you to know
that Ray Wallace was
sleeping with someone else?
Not at all.
My relationship with Ray
was a purely physical one.
We both wanted
the same thing, sex.
Not love, not marriage,
just sex.
Haven't you ever had a
relationship like that, detective?
Where all you wanted
to do was get into bed?
You didn't answer my question.
The truth,
I encouraged Ray to
seek out other partners.
Practice makes
perfect. Don't you agree?
This free-love attitude
of yours, it's very hip.
You should be on Oprah.
That's all. You can go.
Oh, Miss Perleen.
If you, as you say, encouraged
Ray to, uh, seek out other partners,
why didn't he tell
you about Marsha?
I don't know.
That's a very good question.
Thanks for coming down.
Well, she's some piece of work.
She was toying with you.
Why?
Well, I think this whole
thing's a big game to her.
Yeah? Well, if she killed Ray Wallace,
this is one game she's not gonna win.
I take my wife to physical therapy
every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Do you always come
home at the same time?
No. Sometimes we go
to the pool afterwards
or to a movie or out to eat.
We get home at
all different times.
Does your car
make a lot of noise?
Heh, it better not.
It's brand-new.
It wouldn't make any
difference anyway.
The stereo was so loud
she couldn't have heard it.
All right, thanks,
Mr. Yates. You can go home.
Hmm.
Thank you.
How did she do it?
You think her scheme really depended
on, uh, this gentleman seeing her?
Look, she had to have known
when he and his wife were
gonna be home that night.
Wait a minute.
Stay there.
Get into bed with me.
What?
Get into bed. Come on.
- I'll be gentle.
- No.
What, do you think I'm
gonna try something?
Get in the bed.
I don't feel right about this.
You're fabulous in bed.
I'm getting up.
Ah-ah, Come on, come on.
See? That's it.
That's how she knew.
Every time Yates pulls in his
driveway, his lights shine in here.
Yeah, she sees the
light, makes some excuse
and leaves the room.
I'll kill the music.
She comes in, throws
on that disguise,
must've had it stashed
in here somewhere,
goes outside, shoots Ray,
knowing Mr. Yates would see her
and give the police a
description that fits Rick Hamlin.
Then she drops the callous
scraper, comes back inside,
takes off the
disguise, hides it,
and then she pours some wine.
That way, it looks
like she had a reason
to be in here when Ray was shot.
Then it's back to the
bedroom, sees the body,
does that Screaming
Mimi routine.
Mr. Yates comes running
and gives her an alibi.
Then after the police are gone,
she just dumps the cap and
the gun in somebody's trash.
What's up?
- Did I miss something?
- The bottle.
If they were having
wine, where's the bottle?
- Morning.
- Morning.
I'm looking for somebody.
- Oh, great.
- A woman, short, late 50s.
She wears a red sweatshirt,
a yellow bandanna.
Good luck, honey.
She was seen Wednesday night
going through the garbage cans
on the 1400 block of Forest Lane.
The man I work for is
real anxious to talk to her.
I know where she is.
Give me the money.
Okay! Okay! Wait a second!
There's something about this
woman that I didn't mention.
Something that makes her
immediately recognizable.
Whoever can tell me what
that is, gets the money.
She's a... She's got two...
Well, she probably got two heads.
She keeps all her stuff
in a double-decker
shopping cart from Value-Rite.
Bingo. What's her name?
Bea.
I know where she is too.
I know where she isn't.
Ah-ah-ah.
- Hey.
- Oh, man.
You sure you know where she is?
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
There.
- Thanks.
- Uh...
Don't tell her I sicced you
on her. She's kind of loony.
Some say she carries a ax.
I'm out here, Mr. Matlock.
Well, you got here just in time.
In time for what?
Come on in.
Would you put some
suntan lotion on my back?
Oh, well, I don't know.
They say too much sun
is not good for a person.
I know, but I love the heat.
Go ahead. Spread it all over me.
Mm.
Oh, that feels so good.
Would you spread it
on my legs too, please?
Well...
So tell me, why are you here?
Oh, I wanted to ask you about
that wine you were pouring
when Ray was shot.
Don't stop. Keep doing it.
What'd you do with the bottle?
What do you mean?
There wasn't a half-empty or empty
bottle of red wine in Ray's house,
so I wondered where you got the
wine you spilled in the bedroom from.
Now, where do you
think I got it from?
Well, there was an empty
bottle of, uh, red wine
found outside Ray's
house in the trash can,
so maybe you poured those
two glasses earlier in the day
and stashed them away someplace.
Now, why would I do
something like that?
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe you realized that
you were pressed for time.
And you had to go
out of the bedroom
and dress up like Rick and
run outside and shoot Ray
and run back in the house
and get rid of the costume,
go back in the bedroom,
all in two minutes, no more.
Heh.
Oh, so you think I shot Ray?
Well, you're wrong.
Although, you are
right about one thing.
I did pour the wine earlier that
day while I was fixing dinner.
But then when Ray came
home, we just made love.
Forgot about the wine.
Didn't you ever have
that happen to you, Ben?
Where an overwhelming desire for
sex just made you change your plans?
No, not lately.
That's a shame.
Excuse me.
This one, this one. That's a
good one. What do you think?
What do you think?
Well, hello, sailor.
- Hi.
- Nope. Never saw her.
Maybe she never came in here.
Well, if Ray and
Marsha hung out in here,
it stands to reason that
Sharon would've see them here.
Hey, I recognize those
threads. Where did you get them?
Vintage clothing.
Since you got such a
good memory, ever see her?
Well, I don't notice
girls too much.
So you wanna dance?
- No.
- Do I hear wedding bells?
- Forget it.
- Oh, come on.
- He's a nice boy.
- Forget it.
- Works steady.
- Forget it.
All right.
We can't just sit here anymore.
I've gotta do something.
Look, Judy Gale, Tim,
you take care of Ben.
Sorry.
Yeah, okay.
I'm really sorry.
Excuse me. Ahem,
ahem. Excuse me.
Look, could I have
your attention, please?
I... Excuse me, I said, could
I have your attention, please?
Hey.
Hey.
Yeah, could we drop this music?
- Well, that's more like it.
- What's going on?
- Okay, um, uh...
- What's wrong with you?
Most of you know who I am.
- No.
- One or two of you do not.
- The lucky ones.
- Ha, ha.
This from a guy that gets
his hair done at Pet World.
Okay.
My name is Lieutenant Pat
Poletti. I'm a police officer.
I'm conducting a murder
investigation, and I would like to know
if any one of you has ever
seen this lovely woman in here?
Here, pass this around,
would you? Go on.
- Pass it back here.
- Okay, pass it around, get a good look
and tell me if anyone has
seen her. Anyone at all.
Come on. Anybody
at all. Get a good look.
Don't be shy. Step right
up. Tell us all about it.
- Anyone?
- No. Sorry.
Well, maybe she wore a
disguise when she came in here.
No, I don't think so, Ben. Let's
face it, this has been a dead end.
But at least you had fun
with Tim and Judy Gale.
Oh, changed my life.
Well, I won't tell anyone.
- Ticket?
- Yup.
Do you always write down the
license-plate number on these?
Sure do.
- Do you keep them?
- Yeah.
- How long?
- Ah, a few months.
Did you ever go to a
nightclub called Martell's?
No.
- Are you sure?
- I'm positive.
Is the license-plate number
on your car LSP3A7?
Yes, it is.
Um, this parking stub
was taken, with a warrant,
from the attendant
at Martell's yesterday.
The attendants there, uh, mark down
the license-plate number on the ticket
for every car they park,
and they keep them
up to six months.
Something to do with insurance.
Would you just read the
license-plate number on this ticket?
"LSP3A7."
That's your
license-plate number.
Yes, it is.
I guess the attendant
must have made a mistake.
Or it could be
that you're lying.
It could be that you
did go to Martell's,
and that you did see your boyfriend,
Ray Wallace, with Marsha Dunn there.
And either right then or sometime
soon thereafter, you what,
decided to kill them both?
I'm sorry, Mr. Matlock, is
there a date on that stub?
Yes. "May 29th."
That explains it.
Well, my sister was in
town and I lent her my car
and she must have
gone to Martell's.
She doesn't get a chance to go
to nightclubs very much, you know.
She lives in Mason City, Iowa.
Mr. Matlock?
Oh, I have no more
questions, Your Honor.
The witness may step down.
Uh, Your Honor, uh, I have
one more witness I'd like to call,
but with the court's permission,
I'd like to wait till in the morning.
Sounds like a good
idea to me, Mr. Matlock.
Court will reconvene
at 9 a.m. tomorrow.
Why, Grandma, what
a big knife you have.
A little help here, please.
Guys?
Guys?
Hey.
Hey, a little help
here, guys. Whoa!
Now would be a good time.
Hold it! Police!
- We got her.
- You all right?
Yeah. Thank God for
modern inventions, huh?
Oh.
Well, Miss Perleen,
looks like we got you.
Let's take her to the car.
You have the right to remain
silent. Anything you say...
Yeah.
And some more for
our own prison boy.
- Eat. Eat.
- Oh.
It's awfully good
and great to be free.
Uh-huh.
Unemployed, but free.
Eat. Makes your hair grow.
- I never heard that.
- Guaranteed.
My husband, rest his
soul, passed away at 83,
ate pasta every day.
Died, had all his hair.
Yeah, he had also
arthritis, high blood pressure,
high cholesterol and bad feet.
He had his hair.
Oh.
So you bring this
homeless woman into court.
What's her name? Bea?
- Bea.
- Bea.
And this Sharon dame, she
thinks that Bea saw something
and was gonna
testify against her.
- Right? Aha.
- Yeah, yeah.
But what a plan.
You make this Perleen dame
think that my Pat is the bag lady.
Ma, could I please
have some pasta?
Why? You looked enough
like the bag lady to be her.
What a plan.
Well, it was your daughter's
plan, it wasn't mine.
- Oh, thank you.
- Oh, hey, don't get me wrong.
I love my daughter. I
do. More than life itself.
- Ma.
- Let's have a toast.
To Pat and Sophia and Ben
and freedom and pasta and hair.
- Ha, ha. Cin-cin.
- Salute.
- Cin-cin.
- There you go.
Oh, no, you don't.
Oh, Benny, now look
what you've done, huh?
disallows the testimony?
He won't.
- What time is it?
- Nine thirty-four. Well, he might.
Judge Dreyfus has been making
some pretty off-the-wall rulings lately.
Yeah, his wife's
been cheating on him.
Let's go get a bite.
One all the way.
- One all the way. All right.
- Make it two.
And the gentleman
wants another one.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
All right, let's just
say, hypothetically,
that Judge Dreyfus doesn't
allow the testimony. What then?
He's gonna allow the testimony.
Well, what if he doesn't?
I mean, my whole case
is based on that testimony.
Well, that and Hound Dog Norris.
- Who's Hound Dog Norris?
- The other attorney.
He knows how
important the testimony is.
He's gonna be trying
to get it disallowed.
Yeah.
Judge Dreyfus' wife is cheating on
him with a washing-machine repairman.
What's that got to
do with anything?
Well, the plaintiff is an
automobile repairman.
Not exactly the same thing,
but it's close enough for
Dreyfus to rule in your favor.
- Trust me.
- I do trust you.
It's just sometimes these
theories, they're a little confusing.
Look.
Looks like she slept in
those clothes. Ha, ha.
It's 9:41.
Plenty of time.
You got mustard
all over your chin.
All over it.
My suit. My suit. Look
what you did to my suit.
- You should watch where you're going.
- My suit.
Oh, that's a suit.
- Oh, sorry about the suit.
- Did you hear that?
I heard it. Come on, we gotta
hurry. The hearing's in ten minutes.
I can't go into a
courtroom like this.
What are you talking
about? I need you there.
No, I'm going home and change.
You start without me. Talk slow.
Tipping the scales at
473 pounds, she's the
- calorically challenged woman.
- Calorically challenged woman.
Well, hi, Jill.
- Hey, let's talk about sex.
- Ooh! Our favorite subject.
- Hey, Jill, you getting any?
- As much as I can.
Aw, get out of here.
Ray, you don't know what it's like
to make love to a woman like me.
- Ooh.
- Maybe you ought to try it.
Hey, what do you say, Ray, huh?
She could show you things
you've never seen before.
Yeah, I bet she could.
Well, you're gonna have to tune in
tomorrow to find out Ray's answer.
Okay, Jill, we got a
date tomorrow at 9:35.
And in the meantime, you're
about to become the first recipient
of the all-new WFZY giveaway.
It's an official Rick and
Ray callous scraper.
That's right, Rick.
And all you aliens out there who
don't know anything about calluses
or how to scrape them, join
us at 7 a.m. for more information
from the infamous
and sometimes infantile
Na, na, na-na, na
Rick and Ray Show.
Get this thing away from me.
Only you could come up
with something that revolting.
- Achoo.
- Will you please stop that?
That's revolting.
Crisis Management,
may I help you?
Yeah. Oh, Ricky?
Ricky, she wants to know why she
can't go to the radio station with you.
Rick Hamlin.
Tonight?
No. No, I'm sick as a
dog. I'm going home to bed.
Guess who?
You could be here all day, lady.
- Hi.
- Hey, don't listen to him.
He's having a bad hair day.
No.
Yeah, next week, maybe.
Yeah, right. Bye.
- Excuse me.
- Oh, man.
Moron.
What's, uh...? What's wrong?
Why didn't you
call me last night?
I knew you were working.
Heh.
Well, I'm not working tonight,
so why don't I cook
you dinner at your place?
- Hmm?
- Well, I didn't know you could cook.
I know how to do
everything, baby.
You know what we need?
- What could we possibly need?
- Ha, ha.
I think we need a little wine.
But you said you
didn't want any wine.
That was before
when it was your idea.
- Uh-huh.
- But this time it's my idea.
I'm gonna get you some wine.
No, no, no, you
stay here. I'll get it.
Okay.
- You just relax.
- I'll try.
Here we go.
Get back in. Close
it. Lock those doors.
Ray, honey, what was that noise?
Oh, my God.
Mr. Matlock, thanks for coming.
Oh, sure.
You're not bald.
No, no, that's just
one of Ray's bad jokes.
I loved the morning you had
on that Highway Dating Game.
Boy, that was a good show.
Of course you liked that
one, that was my idea.
You wanna know what
Ray wanted to do that day?
- What?
- Male strippers.
"Hey, Ray, hello, it's radio.
You can't even see strippers."
I thought you guys liked
each other. It sounded like it.
No, we just sounded like it.
No kidding?
Acting, Mr. Matlock.
We didn't see each other,
we didn't speak to each other.
I'd say for about the last three
years we actively despised each other.
Oh. Oh, that's why the
police wanted to talk to you.
That and the fact that
somebody with a ponytail like mine
was seen running from the scene.
Well, a lot of men have
ponytails these days.
And then there was the little
matter of the callous scraper.
Oh, yeah. That thing
you had on the show.
Yeah, that was another
one of Ray's bonehead ideas.
I thought it was the stupidest
thing I ever heard of in my life,
but he goes ahead and
orders dozens of the thing.
And he has my name
printed up on one of them.
Where does it end up? Oh,
that's right, ladies and gentlemen,
right outside of Ray's
bedroom window.
- Oh.
- Yeah, wherever Ray is now,
you can bet he's
laughing his head off.
- I don't get something.
- Hmm.
If you hated each other,
why'd you stay together?
Money.
We're a team. We're
like Rick and Ray.
Separately, we're
just run-of-the-mill DJs,
but together, we got
something special.
We have something
people wanna listen to.
Alone, not much.
Whoever shot Ray pretty
much shot my career.
Well, one good thing.
At least it shows that, uh,
you didn't have a motive.
Can't say I'm glad to see you.
Mind if we come in? Thanks.
At least this time I
have my lawyer with me.
Detective Pat Poletti.
How'd you get the
orange out of your suit?
You're a police detective?
We serve and protect. Homicide.
- You recognize this cap?
- That's...
A question he won't answer at
this time on advice of counsel.
No matter. His name's
embroidered on the inside.
It was found two doors down from
Ray Wallace's place, in the garbage.
Is this yours too?
- On advice of counsel...
- It was in the cap.
So, Mr. Hamlin, I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to ask you to come with me.
- Now, wait a minute...
- Go ahead. I'll come with you.
- A little early to be drinking, isn't it?
- It's tea. Do you mind?
Oh, well, your tea's 100 proof.
Why do you always have
to stand so close to people?
You gotta hear this.
The station manager records
everything that goes on in here
before, during and after
every single broadcast.
He says he's gonna
write a book someday.
Yeah, fat chance. Guy could
barely write his own name.
Anyway, um, this
is a tape recording
of what went on in here right
after yesterday's broadcast.
Get this thing away from me.
Only you could come up
with something that revolting.
There. Did you hear that?
That was me.
I couldn't stand that
stupid callous scraper.
I threw it across the room.
- What do you think?
- What do I think about what?
I hated the callous scraper.
Why would I carry around
something I hated? I wouldn't.
I mean, it proves I'm
being framed, right?
The DA's gonna say that you
knew you were being taped
and that's why you did all those
things. We have to have more.
Well, there is no more.
Whoever killed Ray
broke in here after we left,
took one of those callous
scrapers and stole one of my hats.
Do I have an alibi? No. I was
home all night blowing my nose.
Okay, just try to take it easy.
Take it easy? I can't take...
You're looking at a guy who's gonna
spend the rest of his life in prison
- because of a callous scraper.
- All right.
Tell me everybody who was in
here when you threw that scraper.
All right. You're right.
Whoa.
Ray had some babe in
here, um, right before I left.
I didn't get her name.
Oh, oh.
I got her voice, though.
Counselor, good
to see you, I think.
When you suggested
we talk over dinner,
I kind of thought you
meant a restaurant.
Well, I kind of did.
I live here with my ma, and she's
the best Italian cook in all of Atlanta.
You keep your paws off her.
- Right this way.
- Huh.
Ah, there's my mother.
Sophia Poletti, Ben Matlock.
Sit, sit, sit.
Yeah, come in.
- Sit down. Sit down.
- Okay.
I hope you're gonna like this.
- Oh, it looks good.
- Thank you.
Mm.
Here. Eat.
- My, um, Pat tells me you're a lawyer.
- That's right.
She also says
you're a little clumsy.
- I'm clumsy? She... My suit... Yeah.
- Oh, now let's not start that again.
Ha-ha-ha. I like a man
with a little fire in his belly.
Hey, there's room
for some in there too.
Ma, the man's here
on business. Sit.
So, what did you
wanna talk to me about?
Oh. I wanted you
to hear something.
- Rick did not commit that murder.
- Oh, yes, he did.
Sure as I'm sitting
here with garlic bread.
There was somebody in
the control room... Thank you.
With Ray right after he and Rick
finished their show. A woman.
She could've picked up that
callous scraper, stolen the cap.
She knew Rick was
gonna be home with a cold.
I'm not working tonight,
so why don't I cook you
dinner at your house?
I didn't know you
knew how to cook.
Ha, ha. I know how
to do everything, baby.
Sharon Perleen. She was
with him when he got whacked.
They'd been going
out for a couple months.
You already talked to her?
Yeah, she's the one
who called the police.
If you wanna meet her, just show
up at Ray's house tomorrow at 1.
I'm releasing her stuff.
Now, eat your manicotti
before my ma has a cow.
What was she doing
at Ray's house?
They were in bed together.
Now, eat.
- Hello, detective.
- Hi. This is Ben Matlock.
He's the lawyer
defending Rick Hamlin.
Now, why would you wanna
do a thing like that, Mr. Matlock?
Ooh. Mulberry stains.
You know, you don't get
them off, they'll ruin your paint.
Mr. Matlock here is kind of an
expert when it comes to stains.
Would you mind if we went in?
This is going to be rather
painful. I'd like to get it over with.
Thank you.
Were you here the night,
uh, Ray was murdered?
We all know you read
my statement, Mr. Matlock.
After you.
It occurred to me this morning
that if I had been in the room,
I would've been killed too.
Uh, my things are in the
closet. May I get them?
Mm.
She dropped the wine
when she saw the body.
- Club soda will get that out, right?
- Mm.
- You pretty good around the house?
- Yeah.
Mm.
- Ooh, iron your own shirts.
- Yeah.
- Do, uh, some cooking, little cleaning?
- Yeah.
Me, I'm no good at that stuff.
You're the guy I've
been looking for.
Did you find the bag lady the
neighbor saw leaving the scene?
Oh, bag lady.
Well, Mr. Yates said
he saw a short woman
in a red sweatshirt
and yellow scarf.
Not exactly what I'd call
a detailed description.
You're not even gonna look for
her? She might have seen the killer.
Oh, Mr. Matlock, news flash.
- I already got the killer.
- Mm.
Uh, excuse me. Did, uh...?
Ahem. Did you see her?
- Did I see who?
- The bag lady.
Oh, no. I, to be quite honest, never
give people like that a second glance.
What do you do?
- What do you mean, what do I do?
- I mean, work.
I edit a weekly magazine.
Huh. Is it hard?
No. It's time-consuming.
Mondays and Tuesdays I
normally work till midnight.
But Wednesdays, after
we go to press, I celebrate.
That's the time that I
would spend with Ray.
That became our night.
I would spend
Wednesdays with Ray.
I thought about it all week,
just being with him.
- May I go, please?
- Yeah, yeah.
Nice-looking dame.
She's okay.
Did you ever hear of a
nightclub called Martell's?
Yeah, it's a trendy
place, anything goes.
- Yeah.
- You know.
Look at all these
credit-card charges here.
Ray, looks like he went
there Monday and Tuesdays.
Ho! When the cat's away...
- You know where it is?
- Sure. It's, uh, 19th and Adams. Why?
Look for a spot without
people in it and go.
- I hear you.
- Move along.
- Hey, what up, guys?
- What's up?
Well, hi, Sailor.
Hi.
Did you see that
wild-looking girl?
Who, her? She's a he.
- How you doing?
- Okay, I guess.
All right.
- Hey. Wow, man. Outstanding suit.
- Thanks.
Oh, Tim, this is Ben. Ben, Tim.
- Oh, hi.
- You wanna dance?
- What?
- You wanna dance?
- With you?
- Yeah.
No.
What's the matter, you
didn't like Tim? He liked you.
- What kind of place is this?
- I think you hurt his feelings.
He'll just have to get over it.
Heartbreaker.
Hey, Bobby.
Hey, Pat. What
can I get for you?
Nothing she can spill.
Not a thing. I gotta go.
But, look, this dude here wants
to ask you a couple of questions.
Do me a favor.
Tell him the truth.
What?
Uh...
You know a guy
named Ray Wallace?
You bet. Dude was
famous. Came in here a lot.
He come in by himself
or was he with a...?
The last couple of weeks,
uh, he was with the same girl.
I know her name.
Dunn, Marsha Dunn.
- Hey, Neil.
- Oh, hey, Ben.
What's going on?
Some woman either
OD'd or offed herself.
Looks like it happened
sometime yesterday.
Her name wasn't
Marsha Dunn, was it?
Yes. How did you know?
I don't know. Just lucky.
I have no idea who
Marsha Dunn is.
Why do you ask, detective?
Because there's a mulberry
tree outside of her apartment.
I beg your pardon?
And you have mulberry
stains on your car.
And she was seeing your
late boyfriend, Ray Wallace.
Really?
And because she was found
dead yesterday. Apparent suicide.
The medical examiner says she
ingested something called Darzac.
How odd.
That's what my father
used when he killed himself.
The day after your stepmother
was found shot to death.
Ancient history.
Is there a point to
all of this, detective?
Point? Oh, no.
Except the people in your
life have a tendency to die.
This magazine you edit,
it's a medical journal?
Yes, it is.
Editing all that scientific
stuff must be pretty difficult.
Not at all. Actually,
it's quite fun.
Pretty smart, aren't you?
Yes, I am.
Also pretty possessive
when it comes to men?
I am no more possessive
than the next woman.
Are you possessive, detective?
It wouldn't bother you to know
that Ray Wallace was
sleeping with someone else?
Not at all.
My relationship with Ray
was a purely physical one.
We both wanted
the same thing, sex.
Not love, not marriage,
just sex.
Haven't you ever had a
relationship like that, detective?
Where all you wanted
to do was get into bed?
You didn't answer my question.
The truth,
I encouraged Ray to
seek out other partners.
Practice makes
perfect. Don't you agree?
This free-love attitude
of yours, it's very hip.
You should be on Oprah.
That's all. You can go.
Oh, Miss Perleen.
If you, as you say, encouraged
Ray to, uh, seek out other partners,
why didn't he tell
you about Marsha?
I don't know.
That's a very good question.
Thanks for coming down.
Well, she's some piece of work.
She was toying with you.
Why?
Well, I think this whole
thing's a big game to her.
Yeah? Well, if she killed Ray Wallace,
this is one game she's not gonna win.
I take my wife to physical therapy
every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Do you always come
home at the same time?
No. Sometimes we go
to the pool afterwards
or to a movie or out to eat.
We get home at
all different times.
Does your car
make a lot of noise?
Heh, it better not.
It's brand-new.
It wouldn't make any
difference anyway.
The stereo was so loud
she couldn't have heard it.
All right, thanks,
Mr. Yates. You can go home.
Hmm.
Thank you.
How did she do it?
You think her scheme really depended
on, uh, this gentleman seeing her?
Look, she had to have known
when he and his wife were
gonna be home that night.
Wait a minute.
Stay there.
Get into bed with me.
What?
Get into bed. Come on.
- I'll be gentle.
- No.
What, do you think I'm
gonna try something?
Get in the bed.
I don't feel right about this.
You're fabulous in bed.
I'm getting up.
Ah-ah, Come on, come on.
See? That's it.
That's how she knew.
Every time Yates pulls in his
driveway, his lights shine in here.
Yeah, she sees the
light, makes some excuse
and leaves the room.
I'll kill the music.
She comes in, throws
on that disguise,
must've had it stashed
in here somewhere,
goes outside, shoots Ray,
knowing Mr. Yates would see her
and give the police a
description that fits Rick Hamlin.
Then she drops the callous
scraper, comes back inside,
takes off the
disguise, hides it,
and then she pours some wine.
That way, it looks
like she had a reason
to be in here when Ray was shot.
Then it's back to the
bedroom, sees the body,
does that Screaming
Mimi routine.
Mr. Yates comes running
and gives her an alibi.
Then after the police are gone,
she just dumps the cap and
the gun in somebody's trash.
What's up?
- Did I miss something?
- The bottle.
If they were having
wine, where's the bottle?
- Morning.
- Morning.
I'm looking for somebody.
- Oh, great.
- A woman, short, late 50s.
She wears a red sweatshirt,
a yellow bandanna.
Good luck, honey.
She was seen Wednesday night
going through the garbage cans
on the 1400 block of Forest Lane.
The man I work for is
real anxious to talk to her.
I know where she is.
Give me the money.
Okay! Okay! Wait a second!
There's something about this
woman that I didn't mention.
Something that makes her
immediately recognizable.
Whoever can tell me what
that is, gets the money.
She's a... She's got two...
Well, she probably got two heads.
She keeps all her stuff
in a double-decker
shopping cart from Value-Rite.
Bingo. What's her name?
Bea.
I know where she is too.
I know where she isn't.
Ah-ah-ah.
- Hey.
- Oh, man.
You sure you know where she is?
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
There.
- Thanks.
- Uh...
Don't tell her I sicced you
on her. She's kind of loony.
Some say she carries a ax.
I'm out here, Mr. Matlock.
Well, you got here just in time.
In time for what?
Come on in.
Would you put some
suntan lotion on my back?
Oh, well, I don't know.
They say too much sun
is not good for a person.
I know, but I love the heat.
Go ahead. Spread it all over me.
Mm.
Oh, that feels so good.
Would you spread it
on my legs too, please?
Well...
So tell me, why are you here?
Oh, I wanted to ask you about
that wine you were pouring
when Ray was shot.
Don't stop. Keep doing it.
What'd you do with the bottle?
What do you mean?
There wasn't a half-empty or empty
bottle of red wine in Ray's house,
so I wondered where you got the
wine you spilled in the bedroom from.
Now, where do you
think I got it from?
Well, there was an empty
bottle of, uh, red wine
found outside Ray's
house in the trash can,
so maybe you poured those
two glasses earlier in the day
and stashed them away someplace.
Now, why would I do
something like that?
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe you realized that
you were pressed for time.
And you had to go
out of the bedroom
and dress up like Rick and
run outside and shoot Ray
and run back in the house
and get rid of the costume,
go back in the bedroom,
all in two minutes, no more.
Heh.
Oh, so you think I shot Ray?
Well, you're wrong.
Although, you are
right about one thing.
I did pour the wine earlier that
day while I was fixing dinner.
But then when Ray came
home, we just made love.
Forgot about the wine.
Didn't you ever have
that happen to you, Ben?
Where an overwhelming desire for
sex just made you change your plans?
No, not lately.
That's a shame.
Excuse me.
This one, this one. That's a
good one. What do you think?
What do you think?
Well, hello, sailor.
- Hi.
- Nope. Never saw her.
Maybe she never came in here.
Well, if Ray and
Marsha hung out in here,
it stands to reason that
Sharon would've see them here.
Hey, I recognize those
threads. Where did you get them?
Vintage clothing.
Since you got such a
good memory, ever see her?
Well, I don't notice
girls too much.
So you wanna dance?
- No.
- Do I hear wedding bells?
- Forget it.
- Oh, come on.
- He's a nice boy.
- Forget it.
- Works steady.
- Forget it.
All right.
We can't just sit here anymore.
I've gotta do something.
Look, Judy Gale, Tim,
you take care of Ben.
Sorry.
Yeah, okay.
I'm really sorry.
Excuse me. Ahem,
ahem. Excuse me.
Look, could I have
your attention, please?
I... Excuse me, I said, could
I have your attention, please?
Hey.
Hey.
Yeah, could we drop this music?
- Well, that's more like it.
- What's going on?
- Okay, um, uh...
- What's wrong with you?
Most of you know who I am.
- No.
- One or two of you do not.
- The lucky ones.
- Ha, ha.
This from a guy that gets
his hair done at Pet World.
Okay.
My name is Lieutenant Pat
Poletti. I'm a police officer.
I'm conducting a murder
investigation, and I would like to know
if any one of you has ever
seen this lovely woman in here?
Here, pass this around,
would you? Go on.
- Pass it back here.
- Okay, pass it around, get a good look
and tell me if anyone has
seen her. Anyone at all.
Come on. Anybody
at all. Get a good look.
Don't be shy. Step right
up. Tell us all about it.
- Anyone?
- No. Sorry.
Well, maybe she wore a
disguise when she came in here.
No, I don't think so, Ben. Let's
face it, this has been a dead end.
But at least you had fun
with Tim and Judy Gale.
Oh, changed my life.
Well, I won't tell anyone.
- Ticket?
- Yup.
Do you always write down the
license-plate number on these?
Sure do.
- Do you keep them?
- Yeah.
- How long?
- Ah, a few months.
Did you ever go to a
nightclub called Martell's?
No.
- Are you sure?
- I'm positive.
Is the license-plate number
on your car LSP3A7?
Yes, it is.
Um, this parking stub
was taken, with a warrant,
from the attendant
at Martell's yesterday.
The attendants there, uh, mark down
the license-plate number on the ticket
for every car they park,
and they keep them
up to six months.
Something to do with insurance.
Would you just read the
license-plate number on this ticket?
"LSP3A7."
That's your
license-plate number.
Yes, it is.
I guess the attendant
must have made a mistake.
Or it could be
that you're lying.
It could be that you
did go to Martell's,
and that you did see your boyfriend,
Ray Wallace, with Marsha Dunn there.
And either right then or sometime
soon thereafter, you what,
decided to kill them both?
I'm sorry, Mr. Matlock, is
there a date on that stub?
Yes. "May 29th."
That explains it.
Well, my sister was in
town and I lent her my car
and she must have
gone to Martell's.
She doesn't get a chance to go
to nightclubs very much, you know.
She lives in Mason City, Iowa.
Mr. Matlock?
Oh, I have no more
questions, Your Honor.
The witness may step down.
Uh, Your Honor, uh, I have
one more witness I'd like to call,
but with the court's permission,
I'd like to wait till in the morning.
Sounds like a good
idea to me, Mr. Matlock.
Court will reconvene
at 9 a.m. tomorrow.
Why, Grandma, what
a big knife you have.
A little help here, please.
Guys?
Guys?
Hey.
Hey, a little help
here, guys. Whoa!
Now would be a good time.
Hold it! Police!
- We got her.
- You all right?
Yeah. Thank God for
modern inventions, huh?
Oh.
Well, Miss Perleen,
looks like we got you.
Let's take her to the car.
You have the right to remain
silent. Anything you say...
Yeah.
And some more for
our own prison boy.
- Eat. Eat.
- Oh.
It's awfully good
and great to be free.
Uh-huh.
Unemployed, but free.
Eat. Makes your hair grow.
- I never heard that.
- Guaranteed.
My husband, rest his
soul, passed away at 83,
ate pasta every day.
Died, had all his hair.
Yeah, he had also
arthritis, high blood pressure,
high cholesterol and bad feet.
He had his hair.
Oh.
So you bring this
homeless woman into court.
What's her name? Bea?
- Bea.
- Bea.
And this Sharon dame, she
thinks that Bea saw something
and was gonna
testify against her.
- Right? Aha.
- Yeah, yeah.
But what a plan.
You make this Perleen dame
think that my Pat is the bag lady.
Ma, could I please
have some pasta?
Why? You looked enough
like the bag lady to be her.
What a plan.
Well, it was your daughter's
plan, it wasn't mine.
- Oh, thank you.
- Oh, hey, don't get me wrong.
I love my daughter. I
do. More than life itself.
- Ma.
- Let's have a toast.
To Pat and Sophia and Ben
and freedom and pasta and hair.
- Ha, ha. Cin-cin.
- Salute.
- Cin-cin.
- There you go.
Oh, no, you don't.
Oh, Benny, now look
what you've done, huh?