Masters of Sex (2013–2016): Season 3, Episode 3 - The Excitement of Release - full transcript

Previously on Masters Of Sex...

They've invited us to dinner.

They're very nice, the Edleys.

He's a big guy,
a former football player.

What do you want from me?

I just want you to be
aware of all the things

you've ruined for me
because you don't remember.

You know what, mom?

You're the last person who gets
to lecture me on anything.

A pregnant, unwed woman

cannot be the standard bearer
for the cause of--



Cause of sexual enlightenment,

yes, Bill, I realize that.

You have made that very clear.

This is not a traditional
marriage she's proposing.

Simply an arrangement
to give your child legitimacy.

It's about legitimizing
your partnership, too.

Perhaps it's your
ambivalence that's the problem.

That you live in a constant
state of apology

to your children.

What-- what
if you showed this baby

that you were choosing
to pursue your passion,

not over him, but for him?

You parented this book,
Virginia--

Half you, half me,
and now here it is.



"Dr. Masters
and Mrs. Johnson herald

what is truly
a Copernican revolution

in the study
of human sexuality."

"The American Medical Journal."

And that's after the grilling

Buckland put us through
in Boston.

Copernicus?

Why doesn't he just compare us
to Jesus himself?

"The Journal
For American Gynecology" says

our book is highly recommended,

as does
"American Endocrinology,"

"The Easton Review."

Buckland uses the word
"brilliant" three times.

Did you see that?

- Four times.
- Four times.

And then goes on, "Well,
I will not hazard an answer

to the question posed
on the cover of 'Time Magazine, '

after reading
'Human Sexual Response, '

I can confidently say
even if God is not dead,

Dr. Freud certainly is."

But we killed Freud.

But we knew that years ago.

You haven't...

tried to touch me
in almost a year.

Well, no,
eight months, Virginia,

and I wanted to--
You know that.

I didn't care
that it was George's baby.

I cared.

But... now the baby is here.

And all traces of George
have gone.

Yeah.

That was easy.

No, I want to see you.

You can see me well enough.

Eight months
is a long time, Virginia.

I know.

Have you...
Have you missed this?

Of course I have.

It's just...

Your body...

It...

It never quite feels exactly
like itself...

afterwards.
I mean, eventually, it does.

Usually after six weeks.

Often, you can resume sex
after six weeks,

you're now at eight.

And your body is...

Not like itself.

...perfect.

She usually falls back asleep.

Do you remember that?

I know!
I would like to do that!

Oh, Bill!

How is that project of yours
coming along?

Study, right?

A study that's now a book.

I wrote a book.

My nephew wrote a book.

He said it all
just sort of came to him.

Is that how it was for you,
Bill?

No.
Can you excuse me?

Oh.

I already did it.

What?

I have to get home.

I'm sure he's going crazy.

In fact, he showed me
three apartments just today.

Joy, that is a really big step.

Two of them are
the size of postage stamps.

I told him that I'd make
a decision by week's end.

We talked about this, Libby--
Our dissatisfaction.

Yes, it was just talk, Joy.

But if I don't do something
about this now, then I'm just...

That's all it will ever be,
just talk.

Bill.

I should probably be going.

Bill can walk you home,
if you like.

I'm right next door.
Don't be silly.

Congratulations on the book,
Bill.

I'm gonna pick up a copy
tomorrow in broad daylight

were even babies
and churchgoers can see me.

Call you tomorrow, Libby.

I thought
the Grape Boycott Committee

met on Thursdays.

It does.
Tonight was book group.

Ah.

I just found out that Joy
is talking about leaving Paul.

And not just talking,
actually looking at apartments.

Well, Paul seems nice enough--

Although we hardly know them.

Actually, I've gotten
to know Joy quite well

since they moved in.

Obviously, my mistake was giving
her "The Feminine Mystique."

I simply said
it was an interesting book,

I never told her it was
an instruction manual.

David Buckland says

we've written the most important
medical book of the decade.

Reshaped the entire field.

Do you think I should tell him?

David Buckland?

No, Paul,
that his wife is leaving him!

Is...
Is that a serious question?

Well, she said
she won't say anything

until her bags are packed.

She says he'll just try
to convince her to stay,

which is exactly
what he should do.

Or maybe you could say that you
overheard the two of us talking,

and tell Paul.

Paul from next door?

I've exchanged four words
with the man.

Yes, but I've shared
three dinners

and one neighborhood pot luck.

And if Paul found out
that I wanted to leave you,

wouldn't you want to know?

Libby, people fantasize

about all sorts of things
that they never do--

This... this is
a preposterous conversation.

And I'm hungry.

The Chinese menu
is in the top drawer.

They deliver until 10:00.

Doctor?

Good morning.

Good morning, may I help you?

"Post Dispatch," "Star Times."

Dr. Masters?

Hi, I've just read your book.

Really?
Are you a physician?

Ronald Sturgis.

No, I'm with the Committee
For Decency.

I've come to tell you
that Hell is a real place.

No worse
than St. Louis in August.

Well, we have God to thank

that Washington University
fired you

before you had the chance

to corrupt your students'
minds with this filth.

What did you say?

I said it's a miracle
you're no longer a teacher,

no longer a in a position to
peddle smut to our young people.

"Know ye not
that the unrighteous

shall not inherit
the kingdom of God?

Now be not deceived-- Neither
fornicators nor idolaters,

nor adulterers, nor feminists,
nor homosexuals, nor thieves--"

What if he had a knife?

He didn't have a knife.

Well, he had something,
'cause you're white as a ghost.

I'm not frightened,
Betty, I'm thinking.

Fine, but while you cogitate,

we're hearing
from every John Birch nut job

with a library card and a stamp.

This one thinks
you work for Red China.

This one thinks the book
is the work of the Antichrist,

and now they're showing up
at our front door?

Lester, wake up.

How many medical students
are there in the US?

30,000 maybe?

I, uh...
I'm not sure.

Well, that's 30,000 copies
of our book

just waiting to be sold.

It could be a textbook.

The standard textbook
on the subject.

We could start
at Washington University,

where the study was born,
after all,

and where we thank them
extensively

in our acknowledgments,

in spite of their abysmal
treatment of us and the work.

But it's the logical
jumping-off point.

Then we could branch out into
schools all across the Midwest.

Build momentum.

Do medical schools
even have courses on sex?

And we'll convince them
that they should.

I hate to rain
on your ticker-tape parade,

but selling medical textbooks

isn't exactly
a get-rich-quick scheme.

It might take some time, yes.

Or you could skip
all that busy work

and take on an investor.

Don't look at me like
I'm the old ball and chain.

You know that we paid
for the research

from the fertility
and gyno patients.

So if you want the research
to be self-sustaining,

and you're certainly making lots
of noise like you do,

then you need
a dedicated source of funding.

That means an investor.

Oh, now's not the time
for an investor.

Now is the perfect time
for an investor--

With the publicity
from the book?!

No, the book just needs
to find the right audience.

The money
will take care of itself.

Get me the Dean of Curricular
of Washington University

on the line and Virginia and I
can set up a meeting

as soon as possible.

You're going to sell
Wash U on the sex class?

No, but Virginia could
sell an airplane to the Amish.

Where is Virginia?

She called in this morning.

There's a problem
with her daughter.

It's not the colic again.

No, not Baby Lisa,
her other daughter.

You're late,

so we're going to have
to discuss this

on the move, Mrs. Johnson.

We're not that late.

This is not the first time

we have spoken
about Tessa's behavior.

I'm doubly disappointed
on the lack of improvement.

Although, truth be told,

students with divorced parents
often act out like this.

Well,
that would not apply to Tessa,

since Mr. Johnson and I
are married.

Remarried as of two months ago.

They don't technically
live together.

That is not the case.

Whatever
your arrangement, you're here

because Tessa skipped her
afternoon classes two days ago,

then showed up yesterday
with a forged note-- again!

I'm considering all disciplinary
action, including barring Tessa

from tomorrow night's
homecoming dance.

I know your work keeps you
very busy, Mrs. Johnson,

but please remember
children learn by example.

What did I tell you
about skipping class--

That Sister Annabelle's
watching you like a hawk!

You have to admit,
I've got your signature down.

And I would appreciate

you not spreading
around the fact

that your father and I
don't live together.

It might give people
the wrong impression.

What would
the right impression be?

It's nobody's business, Tessa.

Well, grandma thought
I made the whole thing up.

Wait!
You spoke to grandma?

You know
grandma and I are close.

She said if she were my age and
her whole school had found out

that her mom had written some
sex book, she'd skip class, too.

What are you talking about?

You have no idea, do you?

The nightmare my life has become
since your book came out.

No one will sit near me
at lunch.

People scribble
disgusting things on my locker.

When I walk in a room, people
whisper, "There's Tessa Johnson,

the girl whose mom watches
people have sex all day."

Why didn't you
talk to me about this?

Talk to you when?
You have me three nights a week,

and when I am there,
you're busy with the baby.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Are we not supposed
to mention the baby, either?

In the second half of the
course, then, the focus shifts,

gradually to metabolic and
glandular changes to the body

during sex.

Of course, ultimately,
concludes with geriatric sex.

Do you have any questions?

Well,
it's certainly impressive work

that you and your partner
have done, Dr. Masters.

I only wish that I had been here
during your tenure.

I could have learned so much.

Thank you.
I-- I appreciate you--

Although... I'm not sure
Wash U is any more ready now

for an entire course on sexual
response than they were then.

But I'll run it by my colleagues
and get back to you.

We'll call you.

Well... thank you,

uh, for making the time
to see us.

I'll await your call.

Until then, I-- I hope
we've... aroused your curiosity.

If nothing else.

Well, I wouldn't put it
in a stand-up routine,

but it was not a bad joke.

It wasn't meant to be a joke.

Well, it was, and it worked.

How exactly did it work, Lester?

He didn't agree to the course.

He's obviously considering it.

Well, if he was sold,

he would have said yes
right there in the room.

It's over?
In 20 minutes?

Would you give us
a moment, Lester?

Well, what happened?
What did he say?

He said
he would give us a call.

Oh.

Well, maybe we should make
a longer presentation next time.

Next time?
Oh, there'll be no next time.

There's right now and there's
too late, those are the options.

Bill, I heard about
this meeting 30 minutes ago.

I raced here from the office.

Maybe if you'd been
at the office on time.

I got called
from Tessa's principal

at 7:00 AM--

I understand
you have a lot on your plate,

but, honestly, Virginia, if you
can't commit to this schedule--

Of course I can commit.

I'm here, right now, committed.

And what happened this morning,

I can assure you,
will not happen again.

Are you ready for chapter four?

"This localized area of...
bulbar vasocongestion

contracts strongly
in a recurring pattern

during the orgasmic expression."

Translation?

When a girl starts...
you know...

I don't think
that I do know, actually.

When a girl has an
orgasm, it feels really good.

Really?

And then
after she has the orgasm,

obviously, she has a lot
of bulbar vasocongestion.

Have you read "The Story Of O"?

It's French,
so all of the characters

are going all the way,
all the time.

Andy Zeitlin,
his mom has a copy.

His mom is a... nympho.

You know what a nympho is,
right?

It's when a girl
really likes sex.

All girls really like sex.

How do you know that?

You... you've done it?

Haven't you?

Yeah.

Definitely.

Anyway...
What happens next?

Oh, yeah.

All right, "Chapter Five,
The Clitoris."

Mrs. Johnson.
I've read your book.

Have you?

Congratulations
on all your success.

My goodness,
what are we celebrating?

Apparently, Hef isn't above

shameless and much-appreciated
gift giving.

Hugh Hefner sent us champagne?

I still don't understand

why he wants to invest
in our research.

It's not just Hef.

I told you, the phone has been
ringing off the hook.

I've got this big-shot perfume
guy from New York who wants in.

Some millionaire from Tucson.

Makes electric hand massagers.

A hand massage company?

And who says a girl

only uses a hand massager
on her hands?

They're eager to meet,

can't wait to put their money
where our mouth is.

Anyway, it's gotta be this week,

'cause Hef's back to Chicago
on Friday

for the playmate pajama party.

I'm not interested in pajamas.

We need to focus
on the textbook.

Oh, because everybody
knows there's a fortune

to be made in medical textbooks.

Because our book

could change the face
of medical education.

And yet here we are, as always,
quibbling over money.

If people want
to throw money at us

because they believe
in the work we're doing,

we could at least listen, right?

Let Betty and I meet,

and you and Lester can stay
with the textbook.

Oh, you're gonna meet
potential investors?

You can barely keep up
with the work as it is.

It's not a problem, Bill.

Betty and I can handle it.

And I will rededicate
myself to the book,

despite the fact that that means
long days and sleepless nights,

since I don't sleep anyways

with my screaming kids
and morbidly grumpy wife.

It's Jane, Lester.

Oh, is it?

'Cause it's certainly not
the Jane I fell in love with.

Oh, it's most definitely Jane.

Look who it is.
It's Jane!

I am...
so sorry to interrupt

your mentally stimulating
and fulfilling day,

but this morbidly grumpy
housewife

is taking a little time away
from spit-up and dirty diapers

to bring her husband a homemade
turkey sandwich and a Twinkie.

We're always so happy
to see you, Jane.

But we made this plan
together, Joy-- weeks ago.

I know,
but tonight's the only night

that's good for the realtor.

Goodness,
I feel like this realtor

has taken over our lives.

Okay, I'm sorry, Libby.
I didn't mean to upset you.

I'm not upset.

We just have leaflets to pass
out before the Boycott

and another book to pick out
before the next book group

and we have things
that we started together, Joy.

I simply mean if Cesar Chavez
can walk 300 miles

to the California
state capital--

You can walk, too, Libby.

Walk away, I mean.

Walk away from my life?

Like you?

Don't be silly.

If you're unhappy
in your marriage.

Because I complain
about Bill's hours?

Everyone complains, Joy.

Plus, I have children.

And I'm not unhappy.

No, of course not.

And you have
so much ahead of you

with Bill's book being released.

And, I mean, he's being written
about in "Time Magazine,"

for crying out loud.

I can't imagine what it's like
to share in all that with him.

When Paul first fell in love
with me,

I'm not exaggerating, Lib,

when I say that
all the girls were jealous.

I had landed the most beautiful
boy, the all-state quarterback,

and not only that,

the boy who wanted to write
the great American novel

and move to Morocco.

Paul had so many dreams.

But that was a long time ago.

And Paul, I mean,
he's a good teacher,

a fine coach, a nice husband.

But not one of those dreams
has come true.

And I don't see that changing.

Which means the rest of my life

is this straight, flat highway
right into the sunset.

I will go with you tomorrow
night to pass out leaflets,

I promise.

Just come with me to see
the apartment tonight.

Please?
I know you don't approve.

I could use a friend, anyway.

Sorry I'm late.

Staying for dinner, Joy?

Actually,
Joy and I already ate.

Um, we have Boycott work
to do tonight.

I did make a casserole
for you and Paul.

For?

I invited Paul
over to join you.

We thought you could
keep each other company...

and give you a chance to talk.

St. Louis threatening.

Back to throw.

He's got a man
on the sidelines,

batted out of bounds.

Incomplete.

Well, I--
I saw an article in the paper

about your book.

Something about sexual...

"Human Sexual Response."

That's it.

Uh, in fact,

I-- I still have quite
a lot of work to do tonight.

You know, those academic
books can really sell,

especially if you get them
onto a curriculum,

get the medical schools
to use them as a textbook.

Yeah, that's exactly
what I'm trying to do.

Yeah. Well, I look forward
to reading it.

Although, I don't know.

Doesn't sound like
the kind of title

a married man should have
on his bookshelf.

Actually, we think of the work

as a way to strengthen marriage.

Dissatisfaction in the bedroom

is one of the leading causes
of divorce.

No kidding.

Well, luckily, Joy and I

have never had any trouble
in that department, so...

He's back to throw again.

- He's got a man on the side.
- Jesus.

Anderson left the receiver
wide open.

It's like déjà vu.

This is just like a game

I played against
Washington State once.

You played college ball?

Yeah,
about a thousand years ago.

I was quarterback in Nebraska.

Paul Edley, you're--

You're...

That Paul edley, yeah.

Washington State game.

That-- that was
the 1949 Rose Bowl.

It was.
And by the fourth quarter,

my two best receivers were
headed to the emergency room.

So we're fourth and goal,

I don't know,
40 seconds on the clock...

And down by six.

That's right,

and the second I got the snap,
all I could see was red.

I mean, my offensive line
was Swiss cheese.

These guys were pouring in.

I had maybe three seconds
till I was down.

Next thing I know, I look up,

and I'm standing
in the end zone.

You had
to run the ball yourself.

Yeah, sometimes, that's...

that's the only way.

I want to show you something.

1933 football star set,
mint condition.

It took me two years to put
this whole collection together.

Hmm.

Those look, um...
those look pretty great.

Look at this.

Ah, yeah.

Ed Weir.

Captain
of the 1923 Nebraska team.

He was.

Oh. George Wilson--
"Wildcat" Wilson.

Yep.

37 career touchdowns
in college ball,

then he goes on to win
the NFL championship in '28.

Yeah, I did love the Wildcat.

Yeah.

I have to say I'm not much
of a card collector,

but it's clear
this is quite the set.

Um...

Ernie Nevers.

Hmm.

Single greatest fullback
in the history of football.

Oh.
I don't know about that.

Paul, I do know.

One of the older boys in school,

he said he would give this one
to me for $5.00.

Well, it might as well
have been $500.

And I got my pal Wally to go in
on it with me.

It took me and Wally
a month of shoveling driveways

to scrape together the money.

Then at the last minute,
Wally pulled out.

Oh.

I spent another month
and a half in the snow,

trying to make up
the difference.

Well, you know, it's like
we were saying before--

Sometimes you gotta...
you gotta do it on your own.

Right?

I-- I didn't know!

Hello?

I have a cheeseburger
from D&W, no less.

I already ate dinner.

A bag of potato chips?

That's not dinner, Tessa.

Grandma called-- again.

She wants you to call her back.

I also made
a little stop at Vandervoort's

on my way home.

Grandma bought me a dress just
like that for my homecoming.

It's pretty.

And do you have a date
for tomorrow night?

It's not that kind of dance.

That's not what
Sister Annabelle said.

I saw on the school bulletin

that they were looking
for parents to chaperone,

so I called Sister Annabelle,
and--

- You didn't.
- I did.

I thought about what you said,
and you're right.

Between Lisa and everything

that's been going on at work
lately,

I think it's a good idea for us
to spend more time together.

Oh, my God.

That hardly sounds like,

"Oh, my God, I'm so excited."

You're kidding.

The second you walk in that
school, everyone's gonna say,

"Look, there goes the sex mom."

Our entire school
knows who you are.

You're infamous now,
so if you're going, I'm not.

All right, well...

If you don't want to go
to the dance,

then there's no reason
to keep the dress, is there?

I got calls back

from Illinois, Indiana,
and Wisconsin.

They're open to discussing the
book as a potential textbook,

but they do want to hear
about it from you.

Washington University?

Yeah.
They haven't called yet.

We could try calling them.

Didn't you wear
that same tie yesterday?

My wardrobe options
are limited at the moment.

It's not like I'm gonna be
sleeping at the office forever.

Here's hoping.

I've got our investor meeting
set up for tonight, Virginia,

since the earliest
Hef could do was 9:00 PM.

Turns out
he's a bit of a night owl.

Is tonight not good for you?

No, tonight's fine.

I might have to rearrange
a few things,

but I said I would be there,
so I'll be there.

Which calls would you
like me to return?

Your hands are full.
I'll take care of it.

Hello, this is Dr. Masters.

Yes, Bill Masters.
I'm calling to speak to...

Dr. Swanson.
Bob Grayson.

Is Dr. Stern available?

I was impressed, Dr. Kraft,

by your symposium
on ovarian torsion.

...your seminar
on endometriosis.

...study on fibroids.

So did you see the review?

The write-up
in the "Scientific--"

Oh, this is the first call
I'm making.

The first medical school...

Isn't it time a medical school
jumps on board?

A comprehensive course
on the physiology...

Sexual response...
Sexual response...

Sex. Human sexual...

Sex. Hello?

The book, a textbook.

Using the book as a textbook.

It would not be
a how-to course, no.

Well, you wouldn't want
the University of Minnesota...

Kansas City...
Chicago beating you to...

The cutting edge...
Cutting edge...

That is exactly
where Ohio State should be.

All right, we'll be in touch.

And, well, my hope is at least
I've aroused your curiosity.

I hope I've aroused your
curiosity, if nothing else.

Excellent.

Our publisher will be in touch
to set up the order.

Any more calls?

Toledo and Madison.

How about
Washington University?

Not a peep.

Get Wash U on the line.

Okey-doke.

Never mind,
don't get Wash U on the line.

Okay.

Hello, Barton.
I'm sorry to stop by like this.

I tried to call, but...

Oh, no, I've been out.

To what do I owe the pleasure?

Well, I wanted to bend your ear

about Washington University.

Honey, did we
already open the wine?

Oh, I didn't know
we had company.

So last night when I told
you not to go to the dance,

you completely refuse.

And then today, you called
Sister Annabelle out of the blue

and told her
you changed your mind?

Well, you made it very clear

that I would embarrass you,

and that is the last thing that
I want to do-- embarrass you.

You have work, don't you?

Tessa.

I have some meetings
that came up, yes,

but that is not why I cancelled
the chaperoning.

But even if I had,
I don't understand

what you're getting
so worked up about.

'Cause I wanted you
not to go to the dance

because I asked you
not to go to the dance.

Not because of work.

Well, now you're just
being deliberately difficult.

I will pick you up at 10:00.

And don't forget, you're staying
at your dad's tonight.

And, honey, you look...

...pretty.

I also have a berry cobbler,

so I hope everybody
saved plenty of room.

Oh!
Before I met Judith,

I didn't know it was possible

to go up two pants sizes
in one meal.

He's always teasing me,
this one.

So how did you two...

Oh, Judith lives upstairs.

Used to run into each other
in the elevator.

Every time she saw me,

I had a grocery bag
full of frozen dinners.

One night, the doorbell rang,

and there she was--
With homemade lasagna.

You had a question
about Wash U?

Uh, yes.
So I've been...

I've been talking
to medical schools

about using our study
as a textbook.

I had... an encouraging meeting

with Dean Snyder at Wash U,
but... I haven't heard back.

I can ask around,
if you'd like.

I'm sure Chancellor Fitzhugh

has mixed feelings
about the book.

I wouldn't know.

I don't remember the last
conversation I had with Fitzhugh

that lasted longer than
a "How are you" in the hall.

When I came back to Wash U,
I gave up the provo job.

Couldn't wait to get back
to doctoring.

Now I come in at 7:00,
I leave at 5:00.

And the best part is,

I'm done toadying up
to the likes of Fitzhugh.

You should be done, too.

I'm not toadying.

Oh, but you'll be doing
plenty of that, and more,

if you're trying to get
your book in there.

Wash U is where the...
It's where the study started.

It's also where you were fired.

Your book is a success, Bill.

You don't need to tilt
at windmills anymore.

Wash U is the number-one
school in the Midwest.

I spent 15 years there.

My practice got them
national attention.

Wash U is where the book
belongs, Barton.

I do know Fitzhugh

is hosting a faculty
cocktail party tonight.

I had no intention of going.

So I figured
who doesn't like roast beef?

- Am I right?
- Right!

So your partner is
the doctor of the operation,

and that makes you...

I'm the psychologist.

Oh,
so you're both head doctors.

You do the big head,
he does the little guy!

Shalimar.
A classic.

Named after an emperor's wife.

Actually, named after a garden

the emperor built for his wife.

Now, you, on the other hand...

are a little harder to pin down.

Well, actually,
I don't wear perfume.

It makes me queasy when I eat.

Allow me to introduce
the Velvet Touch--

Electric Heated
Hand Massager 3000.

This little baby is guaranteed
to cure migraines,

cramps, muscle spasms.

It also helps, or so I'm told,

in relieving certain
pelvic pressures.

So what makes someone
in the perfume industry--

Flavors and fragrance industry,

and it's not just perfume.

We also do food additives,
soaps, hand lotions.

My error entirely.

So what makes someone

in the flavors
and fragrances industry

interested in sex research,
Mr. Logan?

Well, as a doctor,
I'm sure you know--

I'm not a medical doctor.

My degree is in psychology.

With your science
and my engineering,

we could completely
revolutionize

the electric hand-massaging
industry

from top to bottom,
pun intended.

There are two questions

that have puzzled me
in my entire career.

I think maybe we can answer
those questions together.

And what might
those questions be?

What is the smell of sex?

And how do we get it
in a bottle?

If you got caught having sex,

first you'd be whipped publicly.

Then you'd be taken to another
location and whipped again.

After your second infraction,
it was a hot iron to the face.

God bless the pilgrims.

First in a long line
of self-righteous schoolmarms

appointing themselves the moral
guardians of the free world.

But you are going
to change all that.

One centerfold at a time.

I detect a little
skepticism in your voices.

Well,
you're sitting with a shrink

and a student of human nature,
let's say.

So skepticism
is our bread and butter.

Besides,
I doubt this is the first time

that someone has questioned
the sincerity of a man

whose employees wear
fuzzy ears and cottontails.

This? This is all just
candy coating on the Aspirin.

We're both offering
the same medicine here,

only I know how
to get folks to take it.

"Human Sexual Response"
has already sold 4,000 copies.

And I sell
4 million magazines a month.

I know science is expensive.

I have a foundation

ready to provide whatever
financial support you may need.

Well, I'm still--
Still not exactly clear

on what it is you expect
from us in return.

Well, you have sterling reviews

from the
"American Medical Journal."

I wouldn't mind a little of what
you have rubbing off on me.

So I'd like to feature you and
Dr. Masters in the magazine.

I'd like to get your names

on the quarterly report
of my foundation.

Changing the world
can be a lonely business.

Why not do it together?

Why not, indeed.

Dallas.

Sorry.
The capital of Texas is Austin.

No, you're wrong.

I will drink anyway,

but only because
I'm a good sport.

Mmm!

- Alaska.
- Juneau.

Oh!

I-- I feel like
I'm drinking by myself.

Well, you sort of are.

How do you remember all those?

My dad traveled
when I was a kid.

I...
I used to tell him how...

I hated how I never knew
where he was.

And so he put a map on my wall.

And ever time he'd go on tour,

he'd put pins in the places
he was going.

Um...
the thing is...

I haven't done a lot with girls.

You probably know a lot more
about this stuff.

So I know more.

Well...
Would you teach me?

You know, show me what to do?

Only that thing
that we shouldn't do.

What do you mean?
Why not?

It-- it's that time
of the month.

Where?
You don't seem to be...

Oh, when a girl
can get really pregnant.

And you don't have a rubber.

Next time.
We'll plan ahead.

Well, you can't just
leave me like this.

I mean, you have to do
something.

Oh.

No.
Not with your hand.

Try that other thing.

You know, what girls do
with their mouth.

I-- I don't...
I don't want to do that.

Why not?
You said that you know.

I-- I don't know.

It's in your mom's book.

Jesus, don't be such
a prick tease.

Come on.
With your mouth.

No, no, no!

Oh!

Sorry.
Did I pull your hair?

Barton!
I see you brought a guest.

Well, Bill had a craving
for rubber chicken.

I said I know just the shindig.

I'm glad to run into you, Doug.

There's an opportunity
I'd like to discuss.

Yes, Dean Snyder

mentioned you stopped
by the campus.

Wash U has the chance
to be one of the first schools

in the country to offer
a stand-alone course--

Using your book
as the textbook.

Yes. I could send a copy
on over to you, if you'd like--

No, no need, Bill.
I read your book.

You have?
What do you think?

Would you get me
a gin and tonic, Barton?

What are you drinking, Bill?

I'm fine, thanks.

Beefeater and plenty of ice.

It's quite an achievement,
your book.

Although it's still about sex,

it's still graphic,
still controversial.

You behaved badly, Bill,
in my hospital.

You lied to your superiors,

you abused your authority,
embarrassed me.

God knows you pulled the wool
over Barton's eyes

all these years.

And Barton is a fine doctor,

but he has a tendency
to show poor judgment--

And not just
in his professional life.

You try to ignore gossip,

but when you hear the same rumor
year after year...

Obviously,
Barton did the right thing,

walking away
from the provost job.

Don't kid yourself.

He fought tooth and nail
to hold onto that position.

And, frankly, that queer
is lucky to have a place

in the university at all.

Jesus, you are still
a smug, small-minded bureaucrat.

I'm smart enough
to know when something's rotten.

Barton Scully
with his disturbing rumors,

Bill Masters
with his smutty book.

Well, at least I've been able
to rid Washington University

of one of you.

They're out of beefeater,

so I got Plymouth instead.

Another gin and tonic, please.

For heaven's sake, Bill,

you're the one asking a favor
from Fitzhugh,

then you spit
in the man's face?!

I mean, how many times

are we gonna have the chancellor
show us the door?

What the hell's
the matter with you?!

What's the matter with me?

I'm not the one who's fetching
drinks for Doug Fitzhugh

like some goddamn serving boy!

You know what you need to do?
You need to come work for me.

I mean it.

I need someone to manage
my fertility practice,

my OB patients, even perhaps
bring some patients of his own.

That's... that's what
we need to do, together.

I'm flattered, Bill.
But I'm happy where I am.

But you shouldn't be.
He--

They do not
appreciate you there.

I don't think that's true.

They listen to rumors.

I really do need
to be getting home.

To Judith?

You...
you must wonder...

what on earth--

This is why you need to
come work for me, because...

I do not wonder about Judith,
about any of it.

I know.

And it doesn't matter to me.

Come where you're wanted,
Barton.

Where you're respected.

Tessie, I wasn't that late.

My meeting just went on and on.

Well, did you at least
have a good time?

Did you meet any nice boys?

I was the last one
waiting tonight.

So was what you were doing
so important

that you had to embarrass me
like that?

Tessie, that's not--

I am so sorry.

I really am.

Still sleeping in the doghouse?

Uh, only
for the foreseeable future.

Tell me that's not
all hate mail.

It's all hate mail,
but then this morning,

I got curious, opened one up,

it was a Lutheran pastor
from Minnesota

asking for advice on how to talk
to his congregants about sex.

Who knows how many like that
are just sitting there,

waiting to be read.

Don't look at me,
I'm really busy.

With work and kids
and the she-wolf,

I don't have time
to sort laundry,

much less read 300 letters
a day.

Let me tell you
something about your wife.

She's not a she-wolf.
She's bored-- out of her skull.

She's too smart
to be scraping applesauce

and wiping snot all day.

The crazy, she should throw out,

the good ones,
she should write back.

We'll pay her 5 bucks a bag.

Hey, Tessa.

Sorry about the schnapps.
Don't feel bad.

The same thing happened
to me a couple weeks ago.

I threw up
all over my cousin's dog.

Anyway, I had a really
great time with you.

We should do it again.

I'd love to.

We were prepared
to recommend Dan Logan,

the perfume manufacturer.

Flavors and fragrances.

Flavors
and fragrances manufacturer.

But that was before we met Hef.

Turns out Hugh Hefner comes
with a built-in audience--

Four million subscribers.

Not to mention a ton of cash.

I would like to take
Mr. Hefner's name

out of consideration.

What?
Bill, we just told you--

Hugh Hefner stands
for everything

that we're trying
to get away from.

- Sex?
- Titillation.

He believes
in the work that we are doing.

He's using us

because we're the "good
housekeeping" seal of approval.

Once he has our names
in his magazine, suddenly,

he's not just peddling
girlie photos,

he's a high-minded academic.

But where does that leave us

when we're squeezed in between
Miss July and Miss August?

We've killed ourselves
to convince

the medical establishment that
what we are doing is legitimate.

And they are convinced.

We couldn't have more
glowing reviews.

It's not enough.

Hugh Hefner
is the obvious choice, Bill.

Nobody else even comes close.

Why do people kiss?

How did that start?
It's baffling, isn't it?

How does putting your lips
on someone else's lips

serve any evolutionary purpose
at all?

Smell.

Lips, tongue-- incidental.
It's all background noise.

It's what's happening
right here.

Smell tells us
everything we need to know.

We can smell if someone is sick.

It's not a good idea.

We can smell if a woman is
ovulating-- very good idea.

We can smell fear.
We can smell revulsion.

We can smell... desire.

Now, this perfume
does not smell like desire.

Mnh-mnh.

It smells like
a bouquet of fresh flowers,

which is telling us what,
exactly?

The only thing
this perfume is telling us

is that it smells nice.

I'm not very interested in nice.

I'm interested in a fragrance
that says "I want you.

Go to bed with me,
you can't live without me."

Well, uh, smell
is one of the disciplines

we're hoping to explore in
the next phase of our research.

That's why when we began
discussing a potential investor,

Mrs. Johnson and I
immediately agreed

that you were the right
man for the job.

If you'll excuse me,

I will get started
on the paperwork.

What's the story?
Married, single?

Mrs. Johnson?

Mm-hmm.

Is uh, married, yes.

Is it
interesting reading at least?

I have plenty to do,
Lester, I don't need a hobby.

$5.00 a bag isn't a hobby.

I got paid $35 to be a banana

in that Chiquita commercial.

Granted,
that was a long time ago,

and I had to wear that suit.

Look...
Answering the hate mail

is not the most lucrative job
in the world,

but let's face it,
you sitting at home all day

with our sweet but screaming
kids is never gonna work.

You're too smart for that.

And who knows?

Maybe you'll find someone
who's more confused than we are.

I think I already did.

Debbie from Des Plaines.

"Dear Dr. Masters
and Mrs. Jonathan."

You have to admit,
that's a pretty promising start.

"I cannot stop thinking about
the wickedness of your book.

The pictures come into my head,
and they will not leave me--

Men and women
in all their nakedness.

Hands reaching, groping,
skin quivering with lust,

yearning to be touched.

A whispering so close
to your ear

that you can feel the hot breath
tingle down your spine--"

This does not mean
that I forgive you.

I didn't ask you to forgive me.

Well, I don't.

Well, then, good.

Hello?!

Joy?

Joy?

Hello?

Paul.

Sorry, your car is running.

Oh, thank you, I...
I didn't realize.

Is everything all right?

Oh, it's, uh, it's...
it's Joy.

She... she collapsed.

And I took her in, and they're
calling it a brain aneurysm.

Uh...

Where is she now?

She's at the ICU,

and she's gonna be there
for a while.

She's gonna be all right?

Well, the extent
of the brain damage,

the doctor said,
isn't clear yet.

But it's, um, uh...

"Catastrophic" was the word
they kept using.

She's going to make it, the
doctor said, is the good news.

That's...
That's the good news.

I'm sorry.

Who goes somewhere
where they're not wanted?

You're wanted.

Here.

I'll be right back.

No, no, no, stay, stay.

She'll go back to sleep
in a minute.

♪ What the world needs now ♪

♪ is love, sweet love ♪

♪ it's the only thing ♪

♪ that there's
just too little of ♪

♪ is love, sweet love ♪

♪ no, not just for some ♪

♪ but for everyone ♪

♪ Lord, we don't need
another mountain ♪

♪ there are mountains
and hillsides ♪

♪ enough to climb ♪

♪ there are oceans and rivers ♪

♪ enough to cross ♪

♪ enough to last ♪

♪ till the end of time ♪

♪ what the world needs now ♪

♪ is love, sweet love ♪

♪ it's the only ♪