Masters of Horror (2005–2007): Season 2, Episode 7 - The Screwfly Solution - full transcript

These subtitles are intended for the
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The screwfly. Tiny,
seemingly innocuous,

but a deadly menace to
men and cattle alike.

This vicious pest lays
its parasitic larvae in

cuts and open wounds,
often with fatal results.

In the 1950s, screwflies
killed over $2,000,000

worth of livestock
every single year.

Then, scientists bred
millions of male screwflies,

exposed them to sterilizing x-rays,

and released them into the wild to mate.

The result?



A shattered reproductive cycle,
a dwindling population,

and within a few generations,
the near eradication of the species.

Morning, Joe.

Looks like it's going to be a hot one.

Hot one already.

Would you like a lemonade if I fix some?

Nah. That's awfully sweet of you.

I'm just fine, thanks.

No trouble.

Thanks just the same.

I'm fine.

Mr. Spriggs.
Officers.

What can I do for you?

Well, sir, we had a call
that there was a...



Would you mind if we had
a quick look around?

Please do.

I apologize for the mess.

I was just tidying up.

You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can and
will be used against you.

How about it, Joe?

What the hell happened here?

I told you. It was the lord.

The lord came and spoke to me.

He spoke to you?

What did he say?

He said, "Joe, clean up this place."

That's all I'm doing.

Poor old Joe.

What?

Women's shelter.

This is shelley.

It's the third time, Brenda.

This can't go on.

You know it can't.

The kids need their father.

The kids do not need to see their
mother looking like this.

I have no one... no one
to turn to but you.

We'll always be here,

but the shelter is a stop-gap solution.

You need to make a real change.

Your sister in Florida, didn't
she offer to let you stay with her?

I can't get a hold of her.

What do you mean?

I called. Nick answers.

He says she's out.

I ask where. He says he doesn't know.

I asked him to have her
call me and he said he would,

but she never calls.

The thing that scares me,

her daughter lives there in town.

I was worried, and so I called her.

And?

And her husband answered,

and he said the same thing.

He said she was out.

I asked him where and
he said he didn't know.

This has been going on for a week.

Now, scientists say that if
global warming continues to accelerate,

the penguins could be
extinct within 50 years.

And in Saudi Arabia yesterday,

150 women were publicly executed for
violations against so-called sharia law.

Now in a similar incident
last week in Iran,

Figures.

A hundred and fifty women dead,
and penguins get top billing!

I just wish we could nuke
those fucking ragheads.

- Don't say "ragheads!"
- Don't say "fucking!"

I can't help it. I mean,

why do they have to hate on women?

They can't control their own urges, Amy,

so they try to control us instead.

It's hardwired.

Women nurture, men destroy.

Bella, that is steaming sexist bullshit.

My husband has just spent five
months in Colombia trying to

Oh, he's one of the rare good ones.

It's a "welcome home" party.

Do you think we could just go two
hours with no gender wars, please?

I love your husband.

He's a much better feminist than you are.

Never surrender.

... over 100 members of a religious group
calling itself The Sons of Adam

rallied to support two men
accused of killing exotic dancers.

Reverend Randy cooney called the
two men "martyrs of conscience."

Oh, good God. There's
your fucking ragheads!

... coincidentally where other
women have been recently found dead.

Jacksonville, Florida.

That's weird. My client was
just today saying that she...

Daddy's home!

Amy.

Oh, my God. You're almost as tall as...

Alan.

You are so beautiful.

Hey, Uncle Barney. Welcome home.

Woman, fetch my pipe and slippers!

You pig!

I haven't wanted to kill
you for five months!

So, keep the calendar clear.

We're all invited back in
February, the whole family.

- Why?
- My God, you didn't tell them?

Apparently, we've been
awarded some sort of medal.

It's the highest honor they
ever bestow on a civilian...

- Of foreign extraction.
- On Tuesdays and Thursdays!

Right.

Your brilliant father - and I - are
helping them eradicate

a very nasty pest
called the cane fly.

So um, what does it do?

It flies in your ear, or up your
nose, and lays its eggs in your head.

Oh, like Alien.

Exactly like Alien.

And when those larvae hatch,
they're very hungry,

and they start to eat your

Oh, Barney! Jesus.

Come on.

More dessert, anyone?

No thanks.

So, what's the gimmick this time?

We cooked up a little enzyme that
interrupts the male reproductive routine.

Disseminated how?

Crop dusters.

With what effect on the
other indigenous species?

It's not a pesticide, Bella.

It's cane fly specific. It has
no effect on other species.

Really?

Well, let's say I'm mother nature,

and let's say I've created
the cane fly for a purpose

to keep us humans out of the rainforest.

So now the cane fly is gone
and we start clear-cutting

the trees to make
room for beef cattle.

And suddenly thousands of species are dead,

deprived of their natural habitat.

Bella, we're talking about
an extremely lethal pest.

Really? Well,

if you're a polar bear and your ice
flow is melting, maybe we're the pest.

Speak for yourself, darling.

Look, we mess with nature
simply because we can,

and it will come back on us.

And, yeah, sometimes I
do wish we would wipe

ourselves out before we
destroy the entire planet

excuse me.

Oh, I'm really sorry,
but I have to take this.

Wow, she's bugging tonight.

Good old Bella, the only epidemiologist
who roots for the disease.

I'm afraid I have to do you the favor of
cutting this delightful evening short.

That the was the national institutes of
health. I'm on a plane in the morning.

What's going on?

Bird flu has finally arrived.

Whole town's going under quarantine.

What town?

Jacksonville, Florida.

Good night, honey.

Barney, I'll see you at the office.

No bullshit. What's really happening?

It's classified, Barney.

If I tell you, I am in deep, deep trouble.

Well, in that case, I should
really buy you a drink.

A double.

Jacksonville, Florida, that's so bizarre.

What are the odds?

Mom, dad, look!

A falling star.

You better make a wish.

What did you wish for?

I can't tell you. It's a.

Oh, hey!

I guess this means
I don't get my wish.

That depends entirely
on what you wished for.

All right, come on, kid. It's
time for you to go to bed.

I already got my wish.

Hey, Nicole.

They're doing it.

What are you doing?

I'm smelling you.

I haven't smelled you in five months.

God, I missed you.

I would go to the shelter
and talk to the women there

and I could just feel
myself turning into Bella.

Looks like I got back just in time, huh?

Were you surrounded by native girls?

Oh, yeah, and they were all 19.

I had to teach them all to wear shirts.

We are so lucky, Alan.

When I'm with you, it's like the
whole ugly world just goes away.

Jesus! What the holy
hell are they thinking of?

And just which one are you?

Doctor what?

Dr. Bella Sartiano,
national institutes of health.

Step out of the vehicle, please.

I'm here on orders
from Washington, D.C.

You have no authority
to detain me here.

Do you understand the
situation here, ma'am?

As of this afternoon,
we have 1,100 homicides.

That's why I'm here.

All of them women like you.

Major, I am an epidemiologist.

I need to take blood samples,
air samples, water samples.

We're talking murders, not diseases.

The two are related.

What do you think, 1,110 women
all got a little too mouthy?

We'll see that you're comfortable.

Oh, how chivalrous.

The soldier who killed the stripper,

is he still in your custody?

Mr. mayor.

Father.

Private, this is Dr. Sartiano.

You're to answer her questions.

Cooperate with her in any way
she requires. Do you understand?

I don't owe her any explanations.

Private, it would be
in your best interests

sergeant, thank you.

You're the one who killed the dancer.

Well, ma'am,

I can't say for certain who killed who,

but I did my bit.

Do you regret it?

I regret being in here.

Did you know this street
preacher, this Rodney Bearden?

Never saw him before that night.

Sure noticed him, though.

An oddball, kind of stood out.

In what way?

Seemed unusual, that's all.

Fella goes to a titty bar and
tries not to look at the girls?

Kept fiddling with
something in his hand

clutching at it, and he's
bleeding all over his napkin.

It was barbed wire.

So anyway, fauna, she gets
right up in his grill.

She's giving him a really good show.

You know, I think she
took him as a challenge.

You knew her name?

Yeah.

You went there often.

They said you were
something of a regular.

Yeah.

Well, I can understand about Rodney,

why he did it, but I don't
understand about you.

I didn't either, at the time.

But I know now.

The spirit of God had entered me.

It cleansed me.

At long last, it made me right.

See, in the garden, man lived in
a state of innocence and bliss.

Then woman arrived,

the temptress, and wrecked God's plan.

But woman was part of God's plan.

It's in the Bible.

"Male and female created he them."

Even the devil quotes scripture.

Before this happened.
No, no.

I understand why they
sent you down here,

and I'm not falling for it.

I know your kind.

It's what you lure them with, isn't it?

Those big old titties of yours.

Get them hard.

And then you climb right
on top of your sloppy

sergeant?
I know what you are!

Well, the first one is your
standard Evangelical crank.

The second one's never
cracked a Bible in his life.

It's like this psycho religion
just jumped into his head.

You said, what, 1,100 dead?

In Jacksonville, Barney.

The nih is tracking half
a dozen other outbreaks

Pensacola, Baton Rouge, Houston.

Let me guess.

Austin, El Paso, scottsdale

Jesus, Barney, how did you

Tucson, San Diego.

Not Tucson or San Diego.

They'll be next.

I'm looking at a map, Bella.

It's a straight fucking line.

What are you saying?

30 degrees north, due west of
Aqaba, Jordan and shiraz, Iran.

The horse latitudes.

The intertropical convergence zone.

Bella, what kind of religious mania
follows an airborne disease vector?

I'll tell you this, Barney.

Something is fucking
with their chemicals,

and whatever it is is
triggered by sexual arousal,

just like your bugs.

Reading the book, I see.

What do you think of it?

It's interesting, sir. It's, um.

It's deep.

Have you ever seen an angel, sergeant?

No, sir, I haven't.

Let me tell you, they're not
at all what you would expect.

Dr. Sartiano, did you
find what you needed?

Yeah, thank you.

Mr. mayor, have a look at this.

New Delhi.

A raft of corpses in the river.

So many the boats couldn't pass.

All women.

It's not just here.

It's global.

Something's happened.

Something glorious has happened.

I took care of that for you.

She was one of those crypto-females.

That's the worst kind.

You'll need to dispose of her.

Yes, sir.

Right.

Agent Keane, FBI.

What's this about?

Sir, there's a flight leaving in one hour.

We very much need you to be on it.

What's this about?

Dr. Bella Sartiano told
us you had information

that could be of
vital importance

Bella?

When was this?

About 10 minutes before she died.

This is the normal mating
ritual of the spruce Budworm moth.

Now, watch what happens when we
introduce the enzyme we developed.

You see, the male and
the female connect as before,

but the turning instinct of the
male has been artificially blocked.

He doesn't know how to do it.

He's trying to mate with her head.

Needless to say, the pregnancy rate
in the moth goes drastically down.

Well, gentlemen, I enjoyed the show,

but I have to wonder what
this bug pornography

has to do with our
current predicament.

Well, sir, we believe
that the recent events in

Jacksonville, shreveport,
El Paso, scottsdale

and elsewhere may be the
direct result of a deliberate

attempt to tamper with the
human reproductive cycle.

So you're suggesting that
this enzyme of yours

somehow escaped into
the human population?

No, it's tailored to one species.

To work on us, someone would have
to design a human specific version.

In humans, as in most mammals,

male sexual urges are very
closely linked with aggression.

Now, somehow, someone has figured out
a way to erase the distinction.

Bioterror. But who?

That religious cult, sons of Adam.

No, no religious cult has the
technical know-how to do this.

The religion, gentlemen, is not a cause.

It's a symptom.

This phenomenon is spreading
along a standard disease vector,

and it's very contagious.

The idea of attacking women.

Sounds to me like islamic fundamentalists.

Obviously we haven't made ourselves clear.

We don't think that this is rooted
in some hostility toward women.

We think that this is a concerted
attempt to exterminate the human race.

You're not making any sense.

Whoever's behind this
would have to be suicidal.

It's happening, sir.

And until we can figure
out a cause and a cure,

we have to begin the immediate
evacuation of the female population.

Meaning what?

Meaning any woman who's living south
of the 35th parallel is in grave danger,

and we have to put them all in camps.

And we should be in immediate
mass production on two drugs:

Depo-lupron and depo-provera.

Now, wait a minute.
You're talking about...

Chemical castration.

Mandatory for military,
rescue workers, law enforcement,

and highly recommended
for everybody else.

Let me be blunt, sir.

I'm a married man.

I have a daughter,

and I am a potential murderer.

So are you, so are you, and
so is everybody in this room.

Well, I will not ask our
brave young men to stand

in line for some shot that
takes aw their manhood.

There's got to be some alternative.

There is.

Actual castration.

But we can't take another busload.

Well, we don't have enough beds now.

Did you try Lansing?

And how about flint?

Fine, we're just going to have to make do.

Yeah, all right.

Where's this batch from?

Alabama.

Do you know where we can get a
couple hundred spare blankets from?

You know, Anne, all those months I
thought you were normal and I was odd.

But now you see, don't you?

I'm the normal one.

I was the normal one all along.

Hey, ma'am.

Show is your tits, ma'am.

I'll show you mine!

So they're going to stay with us.

Oh, not in my room.

Look, honey, they've been
through terrible things.

We're up north, we're safe,
so we have to help.

I know, but why can't they
just stay in the guest room?

Hey, ladies!

Amy, we need to talk
about the way you dress.

No, no, no. They're just creeps.

Nice ass!

Amy! Jesus Christ.

What's wrong with you?
Get in the car.

Hey, lady. Come on.

Learn how to drive, bitch.

Mom, did you just see that?

Switch number three to
pheromone 2-6-niner Alpha.

Number six gets a little trouser twinge
every time the bodybuilders come on.

Better keep an eye on that one.

Just as soon as I can, honey.

If there's any reason for you
to be scared, I'll let you know.

Yeah, I love you, too.

Kiss her for me, okay?

Anne?
She's scared.

Every time a guy looks at her sideways

what did you tell her?

I told her not to be paranoid.

Yet.

I mean, we haven't had a
case north of St. Louis.

What?

Indianapolis?

Just came in.

Indianapolis is likely,
Cincinnati is confirmed.

Alan, they need you, too. Go home.

Okay, just for a while, maybe.

You can work out of
the Ann Arbor lab.

We'll shoot you the test
results as soon as we get them.

Okay.

Do you want the shot?

No. No, I'm okay.

I've been taking prolactin every day.

How's that working?

I haven't jumped the cleaning lady yet.

Did you take the shot?

The young men I'm attracted to usually
can beat the hell out of me as it is,

but yes, I did take the shot.

I'm sure we'd know if we
were starting to show symptoms.

If anyone knows what to look for. Right?

I'm sorry, sir. The 4:40 is
full. It's already closed out.

I need to be on that flight.

Well, you're late.

I can try to squeeze you
in on the 9 a.m. tomorrow.

Please, I'm with the centers
for disease control.

We're trying to keep this
fucking thing from spreading.

- I need to be on that flight!
- Sir...

What don't you fucking understand?!?

I'll get my supervisor.

Are there any all-female flights?

We have the seats, ma'am,
but it is a mixed flight.

The next all-female
flight is tomorrow.

We'll wait.

We'll take it. We'll take it.

C.D.C.?

Let go of me!

I told you, that plane is full of men!

Give me my gun!

I want my gun!

Dr. Elsteen.

Sir, do you know the
way back to the garden?

We land at 6:12, so
I should be home by 7.

Can't wait to see the two of you.

I love you, baby.

Thanks.

Good night.

Good night, daddy.

What happened?

Did you see what happened?

This is not my problem, man.

I'm just trying to take a fucking piss!

She's dead!

Stupid bitch.

Clear the aisle. Everyone, please.

Stay in your seats with
your seatbelts fastened.

We're about to make our descent
and I need everyone to remain calm.

Shut up, will you? Shut the fuck up!

Ma'am, please!

Control yourself!

You're upsetting everyone!

Thank you.

Christ! Buckle the fuck up!

Hello.

Honey.

Oh, baby. God.

Amy, it's daddy.

Where are you?

I'm at the airport.

Are you all right?

It was a. Strange flight.

I'm so happy to hear your voice.

Amy's here. Let me put her on.

No, Anne. Listen to me.

I'm not coming home yet.

I'm going to the lab.

When will you be home?

I'm just fixing dinner and Amy's...

I'm not coming home.

- Let me talk to him.
- Two things.

I want you and Amy to pack your bags,

get in the car,

and go as far north as you can.

- But what about...?
- I mean now, Anne.

And the other thing...

I want you to get a gun.

- Honey, I can't...
- If you see me,

if I come to the
house before you leave,

if I try to follow you,

I want you to shoot me.

Understand?

Do you understand?

So it's... it's here already?

I love you, Anne.

Don't.

I've always loved you,

but the next time I see you,

I won't be me.

Now let me say good-bye
to my daughter.

Daddy.

Why is mom crying?

When are you coming home?

Not bad. One out of how many?

Your turn.

Look, this is so stupid.

It's not like I'm going to go out
and hunt down some little animal.

I'm not worried about little animals.

Don't pull the trigger,
just squeeze it really gently.

Good.

Good.

Don't ride the brake, honey.

Left foot stays on the floor.

That's what I'm doing.

Gas and brake is the same foot, then

How about this?
You drive.

Look, you have to learn.

Six months ago you
couldn't wait to start.

All you do is criticize.

You keep telling me I have to grow up,

but you treat me like an infant.

Sorry.

Look, we're not going home, are we?

Everything was so normal back there.

Nicole and Linda, they
message me every night.

The homecoming dance is in two weeks.

You know, if we go back,
I'm gonna need a new dress.

God, will you just say it?

You want me to be a grown-up,
then treat me like one.

We're not going home.

Here's the turn.

Amy, stop the car.

What is it?

I think there's someone
in Uncle Barney's cabin.

It's daddy!

Amy, no! Wait! Amy!

Amy, wait!

Oh, daddy, we missed you so much.

Amy!

Oh, no. It's okay, mom.

Everything's okay.

We can go home now.

Alan?

We had a little breakthrough,

Barney and I.

We think we can get it under control.

Is that true?

Well, then why haven't I
heard that from Barney?

I don't know.

I thought he would have called you.

He told you we were here?

Why wouldn't he?

Amy, step away from your dad.

No! What are you doing?
Are you crazy?

Dr. Brazelton can't answer the phone now.
Barney

please leave a message.

Barney, it's Anne. Please
call me immediately.

Alan's here.

Why didn't you call me?

I wanted to see you. In person.

I haven't seen you for weeks.

Anne, I'm just here to take you home,

that's all.

Look, I'm going with daddy.

There's nothing you can do about it.

It's okay, daddy. Let's just go.

Let's just get out of here.

Alan, let go of her!

Alan, listen to me!

It's Amy. It's your daughter!

It's Amy!

Oh Christ.

What are you waiting for?

There's a first aid kit under the sink.

Daddy!
Get away from him!

Get in the car!

No! No!

How could you do it?

You know, he did nothing wrong.

He was just trying to communicate.

And now, thanks to you, he's probably
bleeding half to death on the floor.

Amy, you do not comprehend what's going on.

Oh, I don't comprehend?

I don't comprehend?

He said they had a cure.

A cure!

If you just listen to him.

Now it's probably lost forever.

There is no cure, Amy.

He was... what?

Amy, understand something.

Your daddy told me what
might happen to him,

and he told me what I would
have to do if it did.

The man I shot was not daddy.

The man who pushed you out of
the way so that I could do it,

that was daddy.

And he did that because he loved you.

And I did what I did because
thank you, mommy.

Is that what you want me to say?

Amy, what are you doing?

Amy!

Amy!

Amy, honey!

It's okay. It's all right.

I brought you some ice.

Now, stay still.

I was having a dream.

I know.

Where am I?

The hospital.

Amy.

He was there.

He was there!

That's over now.

We have to get you out of here.

How did I get here? I don't.

I brought you three days ago

and I'm afraid things
have deteriorated.

What's that?

Just a little five
o'clock shadow, young man.

That'll do for government work.

Do you think you can throw
on a pair of pants?

Okay.

Come on.

Close your eyes.

Close your eyes and follow me.

Thus do I commend thee
to our lord of earth,

our lord Jesus Christ,
preserver of all mercy.

Thus do I commend thee to
our lord of earth, our lord

Jesus Christ, provider of
all mercy and judgment.

Barney, I can't.

Shut up, and keep moving.

Touchdown in the third quarter.

Too bad you can't see that. Heck!

Damn!

You can practically hear the
bones crunching on that one.

You still watching that broken TV?

Ned, give up on that TV.

It's older than you.

Hey, y'all hear the news?

Skagway is now a liberated zone.

Hey, it gets better.

Billy here saw an angel of the lord.

That's right, two of 'em.

I followed a deer down to the creek
by humpback rock, and there they were.

What did they look like, Billy?

They got a glow to them.

They didn't look anything
like their pictures.

Fine young man.

I think you ought to buy him a beer.

Now, I don't know about that.

One to a customer, sir.

I need it. I'll pay.

Smart people shop for
winter before winter.

I got what I could.

They wouldn't sell me much.

Did anyone notice?

I just put my head down
and didn't say too much.

Here you go. You drink this.

I'm gonna go and build a fire.

Don't. It will attract the hunters.

Barney, we can't go like this all winter.

In December, it gets down to 30 below.

I won't make December, Anne.

Barney.

Got to face facts.

You got to keep going.

So long as you're living,
the human race has a chance.

I need you. I need you,
Barney. I can't do it alone.

It's okay, sweetheart.

I'm an old man.

I'm ready.

I only wish I knew who did this to us.

You really believe that?

You believe this was deliberate.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I do.

Someone watched us.

Saw the worst in us...

And decided the world would
be a nicer place without us.

Maybe it will be.

Like Bella said,

the earth's a garden,

and we're the pest.

Well, somebody finally
called in the exterminator.

Damn it, ned! You want to watch TV?

Sit down and watch it! That's all
the picture you're going to get.

You can't see nothing!

Hi, boys.

Where's Billy?

You looking for something?

Ammo.
Gone.

Fish hooks.

I'll see what I got in back.

It's a bitter thing, Carl.

I just can't grasp it.

I mean, I understood the
need for Janet, but this.

Don't blame yourself.

Remember Abraham and Isaac.

It's the lord's will.

40.

Oh, she sees us, all right.

Missy!

Can we help you?

Are you in need of some
automotive assistance?

Come on now, missy!

Don't be a tease. We
ain't gonna hurt ya!

Yeah, much.

Missy?

Where you at, missy?

Cut the dogs loose.

You can run all night!

"His throne is like a flaming fire,"

the wheels of it.

Like a burning fire.

A swift stream of fire
issued forth from before him.

Like Bella said,

the earth's a garden,

and we're the pest.

Well, somebody finally
called in the exterminator.

Make a wish.

You better make a wish.