Master of None (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 9 - Amarsi Un Po - full transcript

When Francesca returns to New York for a month, Dev plays tour guide and finds himself caught in a whirlwind of confusing emotions.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
[dreamy romantic music]

♪ ♪

[man singing in Italian]

- [camera shutter clicks] - [man] Good, good.

[man] Yeah, that's funny. That's funny.

Mouth open?

[man] How about back-to-back, guys?

- Sure. - All right.

[man] Yeah, good, good, good. Yeah, ah, that's nice.

Jeff, have a look over your shoulder.

There we go. Look at that.

It's magic, gold dust, gold dust.

- Watch this. - Right.

Yeah, all right, guys. We got the portraits.

Let's have a little fun.

I got some props here. You guys like props?

- Uh... - Uh, no.

Oh, come on, guys, just one idea.

That's all I need, just one.

Let's give him his one idea.

- You know what? Go ahead. - I'll be right back.

I got this great idea you guys are gonna dig.

- Okay, great. - Great.

So Francesca's coming by, huh?


It's not like that.

She's engaged now. I turned it off.

Oh, you turned it off, huh?

- Yeah, we're just friends. - Okay.

Well, just be careful, okay?

I'm concerned for you.

I'll be fine.

[man] All right, guys.

[claps hands] Let's have a little fun.

All right. What the fuck is this?

[chuckles] It's a party sub.

Let's party!

Uh, Dev, let's get you inside.

Jeff, let's get you around the back, with your mouth wide open.

Take a massive bite.

Jeff, come on.

- Just one? - Yeah, come on, just one.

All right.

Come on, guys, let's give him a hand in there.

Let's get you nice, laid out on that bed of tomatoes.

- [man] Beautiful. - [Dev] All right.

[Jeff laughing] Oh, my God.

[Dev] Oh, Jesus.

That's great, yeah, mouth wide open.

- [camera shutters clicks] - [man] Wider.

Yeah, yeah... Take a big bite.

That's a really tasty sub.

[Dev] I-I really... I don't know about this, guys.

Oh, guys, it looks great, though. Come on.

No, it's terrible.

Come on, take that off.

- Get out here, Dev. - Yeah.

- All right. - Can you lift the bread up?

- Thank you. - Come on, buddy.

Right, how about this, guys?

I've got this giant bowl of spaghetti, right?

Both of you climb inside.

You pop your head out through the meatballs,

and you look to each other like,

"Hey, what's going on here?"

- No, that's... - Oh, wait, wait, wait, mock-up here.

[upbeat dance music playing over speakers]

Okay. No.

No? All right, I hear you. I hear you.

I got a really good idea.

How about we... We call it a wrap here,

we use the portraits we took earlier,

we slice up that sandwich, call it lunch, okay?

- [man] Yeah, that works. - All right, good.


- [Dev] Hey. - [Jeff] Hey.

[Jeff chuckles]

- All right. - Careful, Little D.


[Dev] Hi. Good to see you.

Good to see you, too.

Um, we just finished up.

Uh, take care, Jeff.

- See ya. Bye, guys. - Bye.

Thank you, everyone.

- [Dev] Everything all right? - [Francesca] Yeah, uh-huh.

So how is the new show going?

It's good. Um...

- We film four episodes... - Mm-hmm.

...and after this little mini premiere,

uh, we film the other 12 for the full season.

Oh. That's cool.

Yeah. So how long are you here this trip?

Um, about a month.

Ah, that's great.

Damn! Your girl fine.

You know that, right?

Got you an Indian dude. I like it.

- [Dev chuckles] - What did he say?

Uh, well, he thinks we're together.

And he's very excited that you're dating someone of my ethnicity.

- Really? This is what he said? - Mm-hmm.

- [chuckles] - [laughs]

- I love it. - [both chuckle]

- [cell phone ringing] - Oh. It's me.

- It's Pino. - Oh.

You can take it if you need to.

No, I don't want to.

- I'm mad at him. - Uh-oh.

We're arguing a lot.

- Like, a lot. - Oh.

But since we are engaged, he's just taking everything for granted.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah, I know.

Like, this trip, for example,

he's gonna be in Boston and then Philadelphia,

all those works, meetings everywhere,

and I'm gonna be on my own all the time.

Aw. Well, I'll be here.

That's true.


Um, are you guys gonna do any fun New York stuff?

Well, we're supposed to go

to this cool museum upstate.

It's called Storm King.

Have you ever been there?

No, I've heard it's great, though.

Yes, this is what I heard, too.

I can't wait.

- I have a fun trip if you're up for it. - Mm-hmm?

My friend Lawrence that worked on Clash of the Cupcakes with me

got me a parting gift...

a helicopter tour of New York City!


Yeah, you want to go?

- Can I? - Yeah.

- Can I come with you? - Yes.


I mean, I lo... I never been to a helicopter before.

Yeah, me neither. I've had the certificate forever.

- I got to use it at some point. - That would be so cool.


Oh, my God.

Can we go in?

Please? Please? Please?

Can we?

Uh, yeah, sure.

[Francesca] Oh, thank you.

[exhales deeply]


I love this place.

[laughs] Why are you freaking out?

Because I love pharmacies...

and in Italy are so tiny and old,

and here are so big, and you can have everything you need.

Look at this.

Look how many toothpastes you can have.

A lot of them.

I love it.

[gasps] Oh, miniatures.

Aw, oh, I love miniatures.

Look at this.



- Little, tiny Vaseline. - [Dev chuckles]

This is so cute.

I should take one as a gift for my friend Lucrezzia.

Kind of a shitty gift, no?

Mm, you're right.

I'm gonna take two.


[Francesca] Oh, crème brûlée flavor.

That means that when you kiss someone, you're gonna taste crème brûlée.

[Dev] Ooh.

French kiss. [laughs]

I love this place.

I just want to live here.

Can we stay here forever?

[Dev] It'd be an odd New York itinerary.

Oh, look how many medicine you have over here.

I mean, that's my paradise.

[Dev snickers]


Look how many diarrhea medicines you can have in America.

You can have the green one

or the pink one.

What's that?

Chocolate diarrhea medicine?

Means that you can eat chocolate and you're gonna stop having diarrhea?


this is an amazing time to be alive.

Especially if you're having issues with your bowel movements.

[both laughing]

Can I eat this chocolate even if I don't have diarrhea?

Wow. You really bought a lot of shit.

Well, I told you I love pharmacies.


What you doing now? You want to get a bite to eat?

No, I can't. I have to see Pino now.


But he's going to Boston on Thursday night.

So do you want to have a dinner?

Uh, sure. What do you want to eat?

Italian food.

- Ugh, you're so Italian sometimes. - I know.

What about something else?

How about, uh, tapas?

Do you like tapas?

Uh, I like eating tapas.

I like saying tapas.

I love everything about tapas.

Okay, then let's do tapas.

- Tapas night! - Tapas night!

[both chuckle]

[Latin guitar music playing over speakers]

- Hello. - Hi.

There's two of us. How long do you think the wait'll be?

It's gonna be about an hour.

And also the kitchen closes at 10:00 tonight,

so you may not even make it.

I'm so sorry.

What do we do?

I gotta have my tapas. I just gotta.

Me too.

I don't know. Should we wait?

What if the kitchen closes?

Uh, should we just go to the people and say,

"Come on, eat faster, faster"?

That's a good idea. Hold on.

Finish your food!

Sorry. Just joking.

- Sorry. - Take your time.

All right, I think we'll make it.

I have faith. I know we will.

Okay, let's put our name down for it.

What's up? Is anyone about to finish?

What about that couple over there?

Uh, I think they're ordering more.

[sighs] Those tapas-loving fucks!


Also, this Asian couple is ahead of us.

It's 9:45. We're never gonna make it.

Whoa, come on. You can't talk like that.

You got to have faith. We're gonna be fine.

- I promise, all right? - Mm-hmm.

Look at these guys. They're losing faith. They're about to leave.

- No. - Look at them. I can tell.

They're sitting there like, "Oh, I can't believe we waited this long for tapas.

I didn't even want tapas."

"What are you talking about? You're the one that suggested tapas."

"No, I suggested Thai food."

"Oh, I can't believe this. I should have never married you.

I should have listened to my father."

- [laughs] - See? They're leaving.

They're leaving. They're leaving. They're leaving.

- [gasps] - They're leaving.

They're leaving.

They left.

I told you.


- Cheers. - Cheers.

No, you have to tap first.

Cheers, tap.

And drink.

What happens if you don't tap?

If you don't tap and don't look in the eyes,

it's, like, seven years of bad sex.

Oh, no.

- You don't want that, right? - No.

What happens if you do this?



That's solo sex. [chuckles]

Seven years of fantastic masturbation.


Okay, basta, it's enough for you.

Don't drink anymore.

- You're drunk. - [Dev laughing]

- Mmm. - Mmm.

This is really good.

I told you.

Aren't you glad you expanded your culinary horizons beyond Italian?

- Yes, I am. - Mm-hmm.

You were right.

What else should I try while I'm in New York?


Indian food?

Mm, I don't really like curry.

- [clicks tongue] Racist. - I said I don't like curry food.

I didn't say I don't like curry people.

[scoffs] All right, I was kidding earlier

but the phrase "curry people"...

definitely racist.

I'm not racist.

You can't say "curry person."

I-I'm not a curry person.

I'm not defined by the flavors my people enjoy.

Okay, I didn't say...

What do you call Chinese people? Soy sauce people?

- No. - [chuckles]

I don't call them like this.

Oh. Well...

even though you are a little racist...

- [scoffs] - ...I'm glad you're here.

It's fun hanging out with you again.

Yes, it is. I missed it.

[cell phone dings]

[groans softly]

[gentle funky music]

♪ ♪

[inaudible dialogue]

- Hey. - Hmm?

Let's play a game.

Let's pretend we're a couple, but we're in a huge argument.

Uh, what do you mean?


like this, like this, like this.

I can't believe you fucked him on the Ping-Pong table!

The one I got for our anniversary, how could you?

Well, I'm sorry, but you were sleeping in our bed!

- Where are we supposed to go? - Uh, anywhere else!

Oh, really? So next time, I will do that! Thanks!

[both laugh]

All right, you do one. You start one.

- Uh, okay, okay. - Yeah.

You gave our dog a blow job?

No, I did not do that.

Yes, you did! I saw the video.

You were giving a blow job to the dog!

- No. That's too far. - Poor dog!

- Shit, I think that is him. - You can't do that.

Hey, yo! Clash of the Cupcakes rules, baby!

- Hey, can we get a pic? - Oh, shit.

- Can we get a pic? - Uh, no, I'm sorry!

Um, so sorry.

Just run away from this guy.

Those guys think I blew a dog.

- I know. - Thank you very much.

I'm sorry. I think I just ruined your reputation forever.

I'm a public figure, Francesca.

- I host a very popular cupcake show. - Now hide behind the tree.


[whispering] I think they know we're here.

It's not a very good hiding place.

I think so, too.

Hold on. Let's see if they're coming.

Okay, they're not.

I'm so sorry.

[normal voice] It's okay.

I think I won the game.

Yes, you did.

I did. I did.

[chuckles] Fun game, though.

[jazz music playing]

[Arnold] This is exciting, man.

This is scandalous.

But I got to be honest... I saw this coming from a mile away.

You guys have a connection.

[sighs] There's always been a vibe, right?

Yeah, but she's engaged.

I know.

But she doesn't seem into it, you know?

She has one foot out the door.

I mean, it's maybe not out the door, but it's near the doorway.

And when we're together, oh, it's great.

It feels so good.

There's an energy.

I felt it after the Chef Jeff dinner.

I felt it tonight.


Tonight definitely seemed more romantic than friendly.

I would play it cool for the next couple weeks

and see where it goes.

By the way, I just popped a Lunesta, so I might be a little sleepy in a bit.

- [text message horn honks] - Hold on.

- [gasps] Incoming, Francesca! - Ooh.

"I had so much fun tonight.

Thanks for a wonderful evening."

Kissy emoji.

We got kissies?

[both] ♪ We got kissies ♪

♪ We got kissies ♪

Hold on, hold on.

"I'm having a small birthday party for Pino.

Can you come?"

[clicks tongue] I don't want to go to no Pino party.

Hell no, you're not going to that party.


maybe it'd be good to go

to kind of feel out what their vibe is.

No. No. No.

You're definitely not going.

I don't understand. Why isn't it a good idea?

You're being a little baby.


[whines] "I need to be around her.

We have such good chemistry."


Number one, her bozo fiancé's gonna be there.

Number two, from now on, you're triple B...

busy, beautiful, badass.

[sighs] Fine.

"I'll try, but I might not make it."

- [cell phone bloops] - Good.

She's writing back.

She's writing back.

♪ She's writing back to me ♪

[cell phone bloops]

"Please come. I really want to see you."

Then she threw in a couple more emojis.

- What kind of emoji? - This guy.

That's huggy, bro.

Get that fucking huggy away from me.

I want kissy,

or I want red hearts only.

Ah, come on, man. Let's just go.

It'll be good to see what's up with them.

All right, I'll go with you. It's fine.

You okay?

I think my Lunesta's kicking in hard,

and I just got to take a little nap.

All right, well, I'll probably head out.


will you tuck me in?


I'm not tucking you in.

The problem is I don't have my sheets on me, and I'm cold.

Come on, man. I can't tuck you in.


maybe I can throw a little blankie on you.

[sighs] Night-night, buddy.



[sighs] I'm starting to get a little freaked out.

I think it's gonna be weird seeing her together with him.

Yeah, I told you this was a terrible idea.

But then you agreed it'd be good to check out the vibe.

That was Lunesta Arnold. You never trust that guy.

- [sighs] - By the way, thanks for that tuck-in.

- Dev, hey. - Hey, happy birthday, Pino.

Hey, thank you. Nice to see you. Ciao.

- DiGiorno. - Ciao.

So, looks like the who's who of the Northeast tile market here.

Listen, Syed Ahamed is here.

He's the marble king of the Southeast.

Believe me, he's a legend.

Uh, should I ask him about how he did the fireplace

at the Park Hyatt hotel in Shanghai?

No, maybe... I mean, it's too obvious. Everybody ask him about that.

- [Dev] Yeah, probably. - Hey, guys. Hi.

- Hi. [smooches] - [Dev] Hey.

Thanks for coming.


Come on, come on, let's have a drink.

All right.

[Pino] You know which stone you should use for your fireplace?

[Arnold] Hmm?

Black Galaxy. What do you think?

That'll be good, but he can use Carrara, too.

Carrara will look better.

[Pino laughs heartily]

- [Pino] See? He's the king, I told you. - [text message horn honks]

- [Pino] Carrara is wonderful idea. - [Arnold] That sounds really cool.

I just don't have a fireplace in my apartment.

[Pino] Oh. What a shame.

[Syed] If you don't have a fireplace, at least do your kitchen, Arnold.

[Pino] Yeah. Once he did a countertop for a football player...

- for the Miami Dolphin. Hmm? - [cell phone dings]

[Syed] We cut the island in the shape of the dolphin,

and it was very good, means, very good.

- [Arnold] Uh, I love lasers. - [text message horn honks]

[Pino] Wonderful. So?

[Arnold sighs] I'm renting right now,

and I just don't want to put a couple thousand dollars

into a dolphin-shaped countertop.

No, no, no, no, no. It's not expensive.

It's not. You know, at least you can do the bathroom countertops?


Hey! Guys.

Can I humbly request a tile-talk moratorium?

Meaning we talk about anything besides tiles for a little while?

Oh, yes, please.

- [laughter] - I'm sorry.

We brought work to the party.

It's... It's just I'm... I'm overexcited that Syed, you're here!

My friend. Great.


- Syed. - I know, I know.

- [speaking Italian] - Yeah, yeah, Si, Si.

Syed, Syed... [speaking Italian]

I'm talking in Italian with my wife.

- Sorry. - Uh...

- No, I'm not married yet. - [speaks Italian]

- My future. In the future, maybe. - Yes.

You never know with Italians, you know.

- [Pino] Maybe one day. - [Francesca] Okay.

B-by the way... Sorry.

Uh, the countertop in the bathroom, I think it's a good idea.

- Let's do it. - It's cheap, not expensive.

- What you think? - [text message horn honks]

[Arnold] Can you cut other animal shapes?

[Syed] Yeah, with the laser, we can cut anything you want.

And if you have any favorite animals, we can cut it.

[Arnold] Well, I did have a lizard named Lucien

- that might look cool there. - [cell phone dings]

[Syed] We have some green jade. We can put a lizard into the countertop.

- [Pino] Yeah. - [Syed] It would look good.

Captain's update.

Look at this.

Whoa. You guys are doing secret texts?



Is that you and her dancing?

I don't see no Pino emoji.

I just see my little bud.


Scroll down.

Oh, my fucking God.

You bopped a kissy emoji at Pino's birthday party?

Ooh, you're a bad boy.

I know.

And guess what she did after I sent the kissy.


She winked at me.

Casual wink or flirty wink?


Like this?

No, like this.

Ooh, baby!

This is huge, man.

I know.

What do you think? Should I put in a little face time now?


[sighs] Where is she?

[electronic music playing over speakers]

Fuck! She's canoodling with Pino.

Dude, triple B.

- Let's get out of here. Let's move on. - [sighs]

All right. Let's just, like, wave goodbye.

[Pino mouthing]

All right.

[text message horn honks]

[cell phone bloops]

[cell phone bloops]

[gentle acoustic guitar music]

♪ ♪

[Dev] Holy shit.

- [Francesca laughs] - [Dev] This is amazing.

[Francesca] Wow.


♪ ♪

[Dev sighs]

♪ ♪

Thanks for inviting me to this.

Thanks for coming along.


So... [sighs]

what is the Wi-Fi password?

[both snicker]


♪ ♪

[Francesca] Ah, this is awesome.

[Dev laughs]

[Francesca] Look at this.

[Dev] I never do anything.

I never go to stuff. This is great.

[Francesca] You just go to restaurant and eat.

[Dev] I know! 'Cause I'm always hungry.

[Francesca] Take a picture of me.

[Dev] All right, all right.

[Francesca] I'm gonna be underneath, okay?

[Dev] All right, okay, okay.

[Francesca] Wow.

[Dev] So cool.

[Francesca] Mm, can we stay here forever?

[Dev sighs]

I mean, no disrespect to the art, but...

the red leaves are really awesome.

[Francesca] I'm gonna give you a gift.

- Close your eyes. - [Dev] Okay.


[both laugh]

Thank you. What a nice gift.

[laughs] And ano... Another one?

- Here we go. Autumn in New York. - [both laugh]

[Francesca] One, two, three.

Uno, due, tre.

- [Francesca] How's it? - [Dev] Good. Va bene.

[Francesca] Let me see.

[Francesca] Okay, let me...

[Dev] All right, you got to clean me up.

Let me...


You look cute.

I'm gonna leave you like this with the little leaves around you.

- [Dev] Mm-hmm? - [Francesca] Then I'm gonna...

just let people think that you are my piece of art.

[Dev] All right.

[Dev] Come on! Are you racing?

[Francesca] I am racing! I'm just really, really bad!

[Dev] You're so slow!

[Francesca] No, it's just bad, see?

[Dev] Are you saving your energy for the later part?

[Francesca] Yes, I think so.

[Dev] I feel like you should probably start going now, though, no?

[Francesca] I guess you won!

[Dev] I guess I win.

I won!

[Francesca] You did!

[Dev yawns] I'm kind of tired.

Can you carry me on your shoulders for a little while?

[Francesca] No. Not at all.

And by the way, I'm the girl.

I should be carry-on, not you.

- [Dev] I'll carry you. - [Francesca] Really?

[Dev] You know what? Here, let's do it.

You don't think I can do it?

[Francesca] I think you... [grunts]

[squeals] No, don't run!


No, no, no, no, no, no! Okay, okay, okay.

You can do it. You definitely can do it.

[Dev] I told you. You didn't believe me.

[Francesca] Go! Run!

[music concludes]

[Francesca] You know what, this is the longest time

I've been without actually working in the shop with Nonna.

[Dev] Whoa.

How's it feel not to make pasta every day?



I feel so bad saying it.

Don't feel bad.

Can I ask you...

it sounds like you never really pursued the whole art history thing.

Um, why did you start working at the shop?

My mom passed away when I finished school,

so I had to help Nonna in the shop,

and I never left.


You think you could leave now?

Maybe Mario can take over. He seems ready.

- Mario? - [chuckles]

He's definitely ready to eat.



Seriously, have you ever thought about...

doing something else? Living somewhere else?

Move to New York.

Yeah, I wish,

but I have Pino with me.

I mean, unless I convince him to move over here,

I just think we're gonna start our life in Modena,

have family, kids.


- Yeah. - [breathes deeply]

Congratulations on the engagement, by the way.

- Tell you in person. - Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

He finally proposed.

Yeah. Well, how long has it been? Ten years?

Yes, ten years.


Ten years.

I mean, this is what you do, right?

After ten years that you are with a person,

you just...

you just get married.


How did he propose?

Did he pull out all the stops?

Do you know what "pull out all the stops" means?

Yes, I do.

How do you know that and you don't know what cashews are?

I don't know. I just do.

Wait. What cashews is?

[clicks tongue] They're nuts.

- They're just those curved nuts. - Okay.

- [both giggle] - Okay.

So tell me. Set the scene. What did he do?

We got candles? What's happening?

Um, he propose in the elevator.


- What? - Hey, no, it's nice.

It's... It's simple.

It's elegant. It's intimate.

Yes, just right after the grocery.


Why are you laughing for?

No, it's nice. It's very unique.


it's a good proposal.


Hey, it's not about the proposal. It's about the guy, right?

Pino is a very unique person.

He is.


[cell phone bloops]


[text message horn honks]

[wind moaning]

Can we eat something else?

We just ate pasta.

I know, but now we need a movie food.

Ooh... want to get some popcorn?

- Yes. - Mm.

[vehicle engine turns over on television]

Mm, but it's pretty bad outside.

- [woman speaks Italian in movie] - [Dev] Oof, yeah.

- [man speaks Italian in movie] - It's okay. Let's just stay in.


[woman speaking Italian in movie]

[man speaking Italian in movie]

Can I have the blanket? It's a bit cold.

Of course.

Thank y-o-o-ou.

I got to warn you, though... once you put this blanket on,

you will leave New York City and enter...




Do you like it here? It's very cozy.

Let me see.

Ah, yeah, I like Cozyville.


[cell phone alert blaring]

[Dev groans softly]

What was that?


It's an emergency alert.

"Due to blizzard conditions,

all MTA bus and subway service is suspended,

and all non-emergency vehicles must be off roads

until further notice."

How can I get home now?

I don't know.


It's too far just to walk.

And with this weather...

May I stay here?

- Yeah. - [wind continues moaning]

Uh, okay, is this a shirt from when you were really, really fat?

[Dev] No, that's Arnold's shirt.

It makes sense. You're right.

It's my new nightgown.

It looks very nice.

Thank you.

[Dev chuckles]

So I need, um, a pillow and a blanket.

Nope. You take the bed. I'll take the couch.

Why? Come on, it's your place.

You're my guest. Please.

Take the bed.

You sure?

I'm sure.

- Okay. - All right.

[Francesca] Good night!


[Francesca sighs]

I can't sleep!

Yeah, I'm not that tired. Are you?


Should we have a pajama dance party?

[upbeat music playing]

- Do you know? - Mm-mm.

Do you know how to dance the twist?

I don't know.

- No? - I don't think so.

Come on. Do you know this?

[man singing in Italian]

Do this.

You ready?


♪ ♪

Go down, go down, go down.

No, not down here, down like...

Oh, okay. Well, that's back. That's not down.

Oh, oh, you get it.

♪ ♪

Oh, you have to move the back, like this.

Yeah, twist your back.

Am I doing it right?

Kind of.

You're so cute when you dance the twist.

I'm cute when I do everything.


Go down.

- Now you have to go down. - Oh, now down?

Oh, notice you said down again. But you were wrong.

♪ ♪

Where you going? Come over... Come here.

- You ready? - Yeah.

♪ ♪


Now this way.

[speaks Italian] Do this.


[Francesca singing along in Italian]

[wind moaning]

Do you know that I've been dating Pino

since I was 18 years old?

So, technically, I've been dating him

for all my adult life.

I mean, he's the only guy

I ever been with,

like, properly been with.

- Whoa. - Yeah.

The only "Pino" you've had is Pino's?

[laughing] Yes.

You guys never took breaks or anything?

Uh, we did.

We did.

But I haven't done anything.

I'm sure he did.

- Mm. - But I don't want to know.

You have never seen another "Pino" besides Pino's?



Not even, like, by accident?

Like, you're at the spa, and you went into the wrong room

and just walked in on a roomful of "Pinos" in a steam shower?

What kind of spa you are in?

What do you mean "what kind of spa"?

That's what it's like in a spa for guys.

You know, there's just "Pinos" everywhere.

I'll change, and my "Pino" will be out, but I don't, like, leave it out there

and, like, flaunt it around everywhere in front of everybody.

Some guys are just like, "All right, I'm in a place

where my 'Pino' can be out, and it's gonna be out there having a great time."

They just don't care. It's just out, like, in my face.

I'm like, "All right, man. Let's take it easy."

Oh, okay.

So maybe you have, actually, a shy "Pino."

No, my "Pino" is not shy.

- [laughs] - He's very gregarious.

He plays tennis.

He has a poker game on Thursdays.

- He's a good guy, but... - Poker game?

He just doesn't want to be out there in the spa and around all these old guys.

[Francesca] Okay.

Old? Are they old?

[Dev] A lot of times.


All right.

Mm, but still...

One sexual partner.

And you guys are gonna get married.

That may be it, right?

You ever been...

curious what it's like to just be with somebody else?


We actually did make one of those celebrities list, you know?


Who was on yours?

Ryan Gosling.

- [Dev] Oh. - I mean...

- [Dev] Sure. - Absolutely.

Uh, Robert Redford...

when he was young.


Marlon Brando.

When he was alive, obviously.

So two of yours, you'd have to use a time machine.

That's not an ideal list.


Actually, it's not.


What about you?

[Dev] Uh, I don't know.

Come on, you never done it?

I'll... I'll make it now.

- Okay. - Let's see.

Definitely that lady from L'Avventura.

Monica Vitti.

[Dev] Mm.

Yeah, good choice.

Um, I liked the lady in 8 1/2,


Claudia Cardinale.


You like the Italians.

I like some of them.


[wind continues moaning]


- Hey. - [Dev inhales deeply]

You're sleeping on my ankles.

Oh, I'm sorry.

[chuckles] It's okay.

I'll head over to the couch.

You can sleep on the pillow if you want.

Mm, okay.

[Francesca chuckles]

Come on, it's cold outside.

You can get under the blanket.


[Francesca chuckles]



[Arnold] Oh, my God, she slept over?

[Dev] Yes! In my bed! With me!

It was intense.

[Arnold] Wow.

Forbidden love.

Arnie's jealous.

[Dev sighs] I mean, there was definitely moments

where I was like, "What is going on here?

Do I just make a move?"

[Arnold] Bro, come on, what are you doing?

She was in your bed with you.

[Dev] I know, but... she's engaged.

I'm sitting there, looking at her,

and then just staring at that gigantic engagement ring.

[Arnold] You're going on all these fake dates.

You're snuggling all over town.

How is any of that different?

[Dev sighs]

You know what it is?

This whole thing,

it's horrible.

It's causing me so much stress.

I feel it in my chest.

I can physically feel pain here.

But at the same time, it's amazing.

It's like we're living in this fantasy.

And if I make a move and it doesn't go well,

the fantasy's over.

[Arnold] Yeah, think about it this way, though.

She's leaving soon, so it's over anyways.

You might as well go for it.

[Dev] Yeah.

Maybe it's time to just go for it.

[Arnold] You're bringing her to my DJ night. That's perfect.

Have a couple drinks, do a little dancing.

You know DJ Arnie's supplying those sexy beats.

[Dev] Mm. That could be good.

Or, I mean, maybe it's better to just

have a private conversation in the apartment.

[Arnold] I like that, too.

But either way,

you got to talk to her from your heart.

I just...

I really don't know how I'd say it.

There's something going on.

I can feel it inside.

And I know you can, too.

[sighs] I know you're engaged, and everything's complicated,

but I had to say something,

'cause if I didn't, I'd regret it for the rest of my life.

Bro, that was very powerful.

If I'm Francesca, I'm giving you kissies, 100%.

Want to run it again?

No, this is getting a little weird.

Want to switch roles?

I mean, I'm not sure why, but sure.

Francesca, there's a chemical bond between us that we cannot deny.

I want to pick you up and carry you away from Pino

and toss you in the ocean

and then give you kissies.

Take my hand and come to the ocean?

Ah, I think I'm probably gonna go with mine.

[funky electronic music playing]

[indistinct party chatter]

♪ ♪

What'd you like to drink?

Um, can I have just water?

Yeah. Sure.

Staying hydrated?

I think I'm just gonna take it easy tonight.

All right.

♪ ♪

Uh, I'm gonna get another drink. Do you want one?


All right, um...

I'll wait for you here.


You seem tired. You want to... You want to grab a Red Bull?

- It'll wake you u... - No, I'm okay.

I am fine.

You normally like to dance and stuff.

I'm fine. Just stop taking care of me, okay?

I'm fine.

All right, I'm sorry.

♪ ♪

Dude, we got to talk.

Wait. Hold on one second.

[Arnold on recording] Make some noise for DJ Arnie!

- Did you have to do that then? - Yeah, I kind of had to.

Oh, dude, give me the Captain's update.

Captain's update is the ship's fucking sinking.


She's gone cold. Everything's changed.

I don't know. I think she got freaked out or something.

[Arnold] Did we not rehearse enough last night?

- Shit. Talk about something else. - Um...

So I was like, "Hey, man, this is not the iguana that you listed.

This is obviously a different lizard."

[both laugh awkwardly]

Hey, guys.

Uh, I'm a bit tired.

I think I'm gonna go back home.


Sure. All right.

[Kristy] Dev!

Hey, Kristy, what's up?

Not too much. What are you doing here?

Uh, my buddy Arnold is DJ'ing.

Arnold, this is Kristy. Kristy, Arnold.


I got to run, but you should meet up with me later.

My friend's having a party at her yoga studio.

It's their one-year anniversary.

Oh, cool.

[Arnold] Oh, my God, yoga party?

That sounds hot! You mind if Arnold tags along?

You're DJ'ing.

None of this is functional.

I had a playlist cooking the whole time.

- Text me later, okay? - All right, bye.

Uh, all right, well, um, I guess I'll see you later.

I'm probably gonna hang out with Arnold, then maybe go to this yoga thing.


Good night.

[Dev] Bye.

♪ ♪

Hey. I thought you were leaving.

Yes, I was about to leave,

but my driver went to the wrong address, so...




What's wrong with you?

I'm just... tired.

So you're tired? That... That's what it is?

Yes, I'm really tired.


Well, uh, have fun with Kristy.

Why are you saying it like that?

I don't know.

I didn't think that you would like some girl like her. I mean...

- Really? - Yeah.

Well, what kind of girl do you think I should be with?

Well, someone more charming,


less taller.

- Less taller? - Yeah.

Isn't there a word for that?


- Bravo. - [chuckles]



someone smaller...

[Francesca] Mm-hmm.

...more charming and funny.

Sound pretty great.

It is.

What if I told you I met someone like that...

but they're engaged?

Well, I would say,

it's a tricky situation...

but for both of them.


I have to go.

[Dev grunts]

[cell phone rings]



[Francesca] Hey.

Um, I'm sorry about tonight.

I need to talk to you.

Can I meet you at your apartment?

Yeah. I-I-I can be there in, like, 20 minutes.

Okay. Thanks.

All right. Bye.


[exhales deeply]

I'm sorry.

I've been acting really weird. I'm so sorry.

I'm just confused, you know?

I'm leaving soon, and...

and I can't believe it.

I'm really gonna miss you.

I'm really gonna miss you, too.

No, Dev, I'm...

really gonna miss you.

I feel sad because I don't want to leave you.

I don't want you to leave.


What are you doing?

Are you trying to kiss me?

I thought you wanted me to. I...


I thought there was something going on between us.

Do you have feelings for me?

Oh, my God, you do have feelings for me.

Oh, no!

[laughs] No!



[intense music]


[heart squishes]



♪ ♪

[motor running]


- [machine grinding] - [wailing]

I thought she actually had feelings for you.

Sorry it didn't work out.

- [Francesca laughing] - [Dev drops]

- [Dev groans] - [Francesca continues laughing]


Wow. Oh, wow.

- [soft groaning] - [laughter echoes]


[breathing heavily]


[Pino] Really? Yes, yes, yes, sir.

Of course. Of cour... Yeah, yeah, no problem.

No problem. I can come.

Okay, fantastic. We'll see you on Saturday.

Great. Ciao. Ciao. Grazie. Ciao, ciao.

[in Italian] Washington, DC, did you hear?

The distributor. He wants to meet with me. It's amazing!

[in Italian] That's great.

That's great, exactly...

What's going on?


What do you mean, "nothing"?

I tell you good news about the distributor in DC.

You say "fantastic" with an attitude. What the hell's going on, huh?

I've been feeling strange for a while...

and you haven't noticed until now.

I never realized, but I'm asking you now, what's going on?

Maybe if you tell me I'll understand.

What's wrong?

I'm scared.

What are you scared of?

I'm scared to go back home.

I love New York so much. I'm happy here.

I've seen tons of things, met tons of people.

The idea of going back to Modena, to our life, scares me to death.

I know we're leaving soon, so what does it mean...

if I'm not enthused about going back home?

What does that mean?

What does it mean? I don't know what it means.

You tell me what the fuck it means!

You're saying you want to stay in New York, not go back to Modena.

- That's not what I'm saying. - You just said that!

You said, "I want to stay in New York, I like New York, I've met so many people."

What the fuck does that mean, huh?

I don't know. I don't know.

We are supposed to go back to Modena!

We are supposed to get married! You have to...

There's the shop, and all these things. What are you saying?

I don't know.

I don't know. I don't...

What does "I don't know" mean? Sorry, but are you serious?

I don't know what I want anymore!

Did something happen?


Something happened, I know it.

Nothing happened.

Listen, stop talking shit.

Tell me the truth. I want to understand.

What happened? Tell me, try to explain.

I don't want to talk about it.

Not now.

Not like this, not now...

Nothing happened!

You don't want to talk about it, not now, not like this...

nothing happened?

What the fuck are you saying?

Do you want to tell me what's going on, please?


Don't tell me nothing happened!

Did something happen?

- No. - Do you love someone else?


Tell me the truth, Francé.


Tell me the truth.

[Pino speaks Italian]

[soulful acoustic guitar music]

♪ ♪

[soulful acoustic guitar music playing over speakers]

[text message horn honks]

♪ ♪



[soulful acoustic guitar music continues]

♪ ♪

[helicopter blades whirring]

[music fades]

Wow, this is so cool.

Look at this.

Yeah, it's nice.

Nice? I mean, it's amazing.

Come on, what's going on with you?

Dev, what's wrong with you?

What's wrong is...

I'm in love with you, and you're engaged.


I wasn't expecting you to say that.

Francesca, come on, there's obviously something going on between us, right?


What do you want me to say?

I want you to say...

that you feel the same way I feel inside

and that I'm not crazy.

Do you?

Yes! I do!


I do feel something for you.

I do like you. I probably love you.

I think of you. I dream of you.

When I'm with Pino, I wish he could be you.

But it's not. It's Pino, and I'm with him.

And I'm engaged, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Of course there is.

We can figure this out.

We can.

Francesca, it's your life.

You really want to be with Pino? Is that what you want in your heart?

You can't be lukewarm.

What's "lukewarm"?

It means not hot, not cold. It's in the middle.

I don't want to be lukewarm.


See? I just want to do this with you.

I want to laugh with you. I want to define random English words.

I-I just want to be with you.

You make me so happy, and I think I make you pretty happy, too.

These past few weeks have been so amazing.

And there's so many times I just wanted to grab you and kiss you.

You don't even know.

Well, probably I would have kissed you back.

[pilot] Hey, guys, just so you know, I can hear everything you're saying,

and it sounds like you're having a fairly intimate conversation.

Just let me know if you'd like to switch over to a private channel.

Can we go somewhere and talk?

Dev, I need you to give me time, okay?

Just give me some time.

We will talk, I promise, but give me time now.



[romantic electronic music]

♪ ♪

[man singing in Italian]