Master of None (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 10 - Buona Notte - full transcript

Just as Dev's personal life reaches a tipping point, disturbing revelations throw his professional life into turmoil, too.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
[Jeff] My name is Chef Jeff.

[Dev] And I'm Dev Shah.

[Jeff] We're good friends that love to travel...

[Dev] And to eat.

[both] This is BFFs.

[Jeff] When it's cold in New York City,

that means it's ramen season.

Today, I'm gonna take Dev

to Okonomi in Williamsburg.

Chef Katoman doles out some of my top noodles in this town.

Dev, are you hungry?

[Dev] Uh, yes, I am.

[Jeff] My man. Let's eat.

[speaking Japanese]

Wow. Okay, now this is called "Mazemen ramen."

"Maze" means "to mix."

-Right? -All right.

And the thing about this ramen

is that it is completely broth-less.

So you really have to take the chopsticks.

-And really mix it up. -I'm mixing.

See how moist it gets?

Twirling, Jeff, I think I got a-a dangerous-looking bite coming up here.

-Do you see this right here? -Mmm, mmm.

-I'm about to eat this. -Eat it.

♪ ♪


-Holy [bleep]! -Yeah.

-See? -That tasted so [bleep] good.

[laughs] We're gonna set a record on BFFs:

most curses on Food TV.

This is crazy, this is bacon?

-Oh, my God. Mmm! -Mmm.

You know what I say? I say [bleep] broth.

-Oh, come on. -I just want this.

Come on, our bleep guy's getting carpal tunnel syndrome back there.

God, Katoman, this is amazing. Thank you.


Ah, so you speak a little English?

-A little. -What's your favorite English word?



-You want to get that makeup off? -Thank you, Harold, yeah.

-Can I grab a wipe? -Yeah.

Hey, what happened to Lisa?

Uh, she took another job.

She's over on Stage 3 if you want to say hi.

Oh, you know why she left? Everything okay?

I don't know. She didn't tell me.

Oh, yeah, I forgot you just started, Harold.

My name's Graham.

I've been working here almost the entire season.

-Ohh. -Yeah.

You know, it's--it's the G and the H.

-Graham, Harold. -Harold.

-It's close. -Yeah.

In the alphabet.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

All right, well,

thanks for the wipe, Graham.


[soulful organ music]

♪ ♪


[soulful organ music over stereo]


Let me guess.

You broke up with Pino.

Everything's okay.

And we can continue having a joyous time in New York together.


I shouldn't even be here.

I'm sorry.

[Dev] [sighs] How are you feeling?

I feel shit.

I feel horrible.

I feel I'm doing something terrible behind his back.

He's a nice person. He doesn't deserve this.

You know how bad it is just

to spend time with you,

enjoy the moment, and then

go back home, lie in bed

with your actual fiancé?

You know, sometimes--

I mean, I know it-- it's gonna sound real weird, but--

sometimes, I wish he was cheating on me.

It would be so much easier to just break up.

Maybe he is cheating on you,

he's just really good at hiding it.

Let's just assume he's cheating on you.

Maybe he's sleeping with some woman named Tanya right now.

Stop it.

This is bad. It's not a game.

It's not that easy.


I wish we could have

met each other when we were both single.

[soft laugh]

'Cause you think that I would immediately say,

"Oh, my God, Dev.

Finally, I met you."

Hey, you don't think if we met each other

at a bar or something that we'd hit it off?

I don't know.

Maybe not? Maybe yes?

Who knows?

I think we would.

[in Italian] Good evening.

[in Italian] Good evening.

I'm Dev.


Pleasure, Francesca.

Pleasure, Dev.

Uhh... Do you like Italian music?

Yes, very much.

Which, the old kind?

Especially the old kind.

Ooh, nice.

Would you like to listen to a song with me?


[in English] But I choose it.

Well, okay.

[Mina's "Un Anno D'Amore (C'est Irreparable)" plays]


I know.

♪ ♪

You're supposed to ask me to dance.


Would you like to... dance?


I'm sorry, I don't speak Italian well.


[in Italian] "Would you like to dance?"

[in English] Say it.

Would you like to dance?

[in Italian] Certainly.

[woman] ♪ Si può finire qui ♪

♪ Ma tu davvero puoi... ♪

[in English] Song's really pretty.

[Francesca] Mm-hmm.

Can you tell me what it means?

[Francesca] Mm-hmm.

[woman] ♪ Se adesso te ne vai ♪

[in English] "If you leave now..."

[woman] ♪ Da domani saprai ♪

"From tomorrow you will know..."

[woman] ♪ Un giorno com'è lungo ♪

"How long is a day..."

[woman] ♪ E vuoto senza me ♪

"And empty without me."

♪ ♪

[woman] ♪ E di notte ♪

"And in the night..."

[woman] ♪ E di notte ♪

"And in the night..."

[woman] ♪ Per non sentirti solo ♪

"Tu--don't feel lonely..."

[woman] ♪ Ricorderai ♪

"You will remember..."

[woman] ♪ I tuoi giorni felici ♪

"Your happy days..."

[woman] ♪ Ricorderai ♪

"You will remember..."

[woman] ♪ Tutti quanti i miei baci ♪

"All of my kisses..."

[woman] ♪ E capirai ♪

"And you will know..."

[woman] ♪ In un solo momento ♪

"In just one moment..."

[woman] ♪ Cosa vuol dire ♪

"What it means..."

[woman] ♪ Un anno d'amore ♪

"A year of love."

[woman] ♪ Cosa vuol dire ♪

"What it means..."

[woman] ♪ Un anno d'amore ♪

"A year of love."

♪ ♪

I'm not gonna kiss you on the first dance.

I'm not trying to kiss you.

Yes, you are.


♪ ♪

[woman] ♪ Lo so non servirà ♪

♪ E tu mi lascerai... ♪

Come with me.

♪ ♪

Stay here.

[woman] ♪ Che cosa perdiamo ♪

♪ Se adesso te ne vai ♪

Just in case.

[woman] ♪ Non le ritroverai ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Le cose conosciute ♪

♪ Vissute con me ♪

♪ ♪

♪ E di notte ♪

♪ E di notte ♪

♪ Per non sentirti solo ♪

♪ Ricorderai ♪

♪ I tuoi giorni felici ♪

♪ Ricorderai ♪

♪ Tutti quanti i miei baci ♪

♪ E capirai ♪

♪ In un solo momento ♪

♪ Cosa vuol dire ♪

♪ Un anno d'amore ♪

♪ E capirai ♪

♪ In un solo momento ♪

♪ Cosa vuol dire ♪

♪ Un anno d'... ♪


[woman] ♪ ...amore ♪

[footsteps recede]

[door opens, slams shut]

You know he has a gambling problem!

Why'd you let him near those dice?

What'd you think he was gonna do?

Play Monopoly?

[Benjamin] I was just giving him a little taste, all right?

To get him through the night.

How was I supposed to know he was gonna get in some dirty cab,

and never come back?

[Zeke] But you know how the story goes.

He has a problem, Tommy!

What's it gonna take for you to say no

to your baby brother?

I got problems too, right?

I got a lot of problems, Zeke!

Baby brother this.

Baby brother that.

That's all I get.

Well, I used to be a baby brother once too, remember?

Until I saw Richie fall off the roof

of that construction site.

And I gotta see that again! And again!

And again! And again!

And again! And again!

Every night before I got to bed!

So you keep telling me, "Hey, man,

go save someone."

Well, how about somebody come

and save me?

How bout just once

[crying] somebody come and save me?

So sleep tight, asshole,

'cause the Hammond Estates

are closed.

[cheers and applause]

[Dev] Wow.

Two-man show. Three hours.

-Yeah. -No intermission.

It's an intense play.

Yeah, it's really intense. Yeah.

How do you remember all that dialogue?

Oh, man, sometimes I forget big chunks.

Like, even tonight,

that whole riff on P.F. Chang's,

I--I made that up.

Yeah, it seemed a little off-story.

-I think it worked. -Hm.

-But you like doing the theater? -Yeah, I love it.

You know, it's great schedule. Eight shows a week.

But I got my days free, so I've been

doing a lot of puzzles and, uh, watching a lot of TV.

Mm. Catch any Clash of the Cupcakes?

No. Why would I watch a show like that?

That sounds terrible.

Uh, I used to host it.

Oh. Did they cancel it

because you were bad at hosting?

No. I got a better gig.

That guy Lil' Romeo hosts now.

Oh, I know Romeo.

I played his driving instructor

in, uh, Life in the Fresh Lane.

Wow, I--I missed that one.

Oh, it was about a kid from the inner city

who moved to the country to learn how to drive.

It was fun, man.

I made up a lot of stuff on that too.

So what are you working on now?

I'm actually doing a new show with that guy Chef Jeff,

it's called BFFs.

It's like a travel show, and we just

travel around the world, eating food.

-It's great. -Mm-hmm.

-Chef Jeff? -Yeah-yeah, you know that guy?

Yeah, I heard of him. Uh.

I'd be careful with that guy.

Why do you say that?

Whatever. You're working with him.

It's none of my business.

Well, don't say some shit like that and not tell me.

What's going on? What's the deal?

All right, I've heard through the grapevine

that Chef Jeff is a little bit of a creep.

-What? -Yeah.

My wife's friend

was food stylist on, like,

Jeff's Backyard Barbeque or some show,

and she said he hit on her

and, like, every other woman on the crew.

And at one point, he crossed the line.

What happened?

Well, they were, like, shooting late one night, right?

And he offered her a ride home. And she accepted.

And the minute she got in the car, he made a move on her.

And she was like, "Hey, Chef Jeff, I'm married."

And he was like,

"You want to go home and bang that loser husband of yours?

Or do you want to spend a legendary night

at Casa de Jeff?"

-Are you serious? -Totally.

And you know the thing about it is?

Her husband? Not a loser at all.

His name is Matteo. He's a pilot.


What am I gonna do? I gotta work with this guy.

I don't know, man. That's a tough problem.

I'm glad I don't have to deal with it.

All right, man.

You got these, right?

Um, yeah.

[bell rings]

[Dev] Hey, Lisa.

Hey, Dev. What are you doing here?

What's up?

We were just shooting nearby.

I thought I'd come say hello.

-Cool. How are you? -I'm good.

You know, my skin's lost its mocha glow.

[laughs] I'm sorry, man.

I'm sure Graham will hold it down for you.

Graham sucks!

Well, he's not as good as me,

but he is a very nice guy.

Hey, there's a donut truck out front.

-You want to go grab? -Yeah, sure.


So how's the new gig?

Yeah, it's good, it's cool.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

We miss you over on BFFs.

I miss you too.


Is there a reason you quit all of a sudden?

No, I just felt like I needed a change.


-Hey, between us... -Mm?

Did--did some shit go down?

Uh, I don't know, did you

hear about some shit going down?

I mean, was there

someone maybe being a little weird...


Jeff was being a little weird with me.

-Oh, no. -Yeah.

What happened?

Well, he started off just making remarks

about how I looked.

And then it just got a little out of hand.

He started getting flirty,

asking me out for drinks.

At a certain point, I was like,

"Jeff, don't talk to me like that."

And he was like, "Ooh-whee.

She's a feisty one."

And I almost punched him in his face.


So then he cooled off a bit.

But then we're on the road,

and he'd do weird shit like slip me his room key.

And then one night he's, like,

banging on my hotel room door for, like, ten minutes.

Oh, God.

Yeah, I just--

I don't know, I didn't feel safe

working with him anymore.

Did you tell anybody?

Yeah, after the hotel thing,

I went and told Paula.

And she was like, "I talked to him.

It won't happen again."

And then like a week later,

he started saying stuff about my ass again.

When I went back to her, she was like,

"I don't know what else I can do.

He's a flirty touchy-feely guy.

That's just the way he is."


Would it help if we talked to someone above Paula?


No, it's fine, look,

I don't want to make a huge deal about it.

I'd rather just move onto this gig

and forget about it.

Which sucks because he's probably

doing fucked-up shit to other people too.

But--what am I gonna do, sue Food TV?

Have it take over my entire life?

No, I'd rather just keep it moving.



Feels kind of weird to go get donuts now.


I am game if you're game.


-Cool. -All right.

[women] ♪ This here is Raven Live! ♪

♪ Yes, it is Raven Live! ♪

♪ Get on your feet 'Cause this girl's got the heat ♪

♪ Get ready for it ♪

[female announcer] Raven is live.

Hey, y'all, I'm Raven, we're live,

and this is Raven Live!

-[cheers and applause] -[chuckles]

We have a great show for you today.

My favorite chef is gettin' live.

That's right, Chef Jeff is in the building!

[cheers and applause]

And, we have...

Why are you sitting here looking all depressed and sad?

This is Raven Live!

You need to be perked up, ready to sell this shit.

Sorry, I'll try to get perked up.


It's a good thing Raven ain't see you.

'Cause I'm trying to sign her ass.

Don't embarrass me.

[cell phone buzzes]

Oh, Lord.

Have you been on the Internet?

Since we started talking? No.

I just got a flurry of fucking emails.

Your buddy Chef Jeff is fucking pervert.


Apparently he's been harassing women for years

and now "Chef Jeff is a perv" is trending on Twitter!

Oh, my God.

Some lady that did makeup

came forward with this blog post

and then motherfuckin' flood gates opened up.

People telling all sorts of crazy-ass stories.

This fool is nasty.

Shannon, what are we gonna do?

I'm about to go on Raven Live! with this guy.

I don't know.

Does he know what's going down?

-[laughter] -Come on! Come on!

Come on, motherfucker. Huh, come on, come on.

Come on, huh?


He looks pretty damn jolly right now.

This motherfucker.

I knew he was a perv.

Shannon, I'm about to go on TV with this guy.

-What do we do? -All right, all right, listen.

You are going to calm down.

You're gonna put on a big ole smile.

And you're gonna get on Raven Live!

and get this money, you hear me?

I'ma try to get ahead of this. I got you.

But you ain't a perv too, are you?


Don't fuck with me.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to search your soul for the truth.

How long does this process take?


I'm still looking.


All right.

You on the level.

But I'm watching you.

[Jeff] Hey-hey-hey! [claps]

What up, compadre?

You ready, huh? Psyched?

I'm pumped, bro. Huh?

Let's go make this paella.



[Jeff] All right, we're gonna add a little broth.

And let that simmer for a nice, hot 20.

-[laughs] That smells amazing. -Thank you.

-Thank you. -That's--wow.

Okay, let's talk about it.

-I'm really excited about this. -Yeah.

The new show, Best Food Friends,

but it's BFFs.

-That's right. -I love it!

BFFs, that's right, thank you.

It's a whirlwind tour of, uh,

great food, great culture,

all around the world,

starring, uh, me,

and my man Dev Shah right here.

Oh, I like it, so you guys are like really best friends?

-Absolutely. -I--I--I don't know.

I mean, that's just kind of the title of the show.

My--my best friend's a guy named Arnold.

I--you know--we're just-- that's--we're just co-workers.

-[scattered laughter] -Yeah.

This guy's a real ballbuster, let me tell you something.

I love it. And this is the ad I've been seeing all over town.

I mean, you guys are all on Times Square.

-Oh, God. -There is is.

[cheers and applause]

-Oh, God. -And let me tell you something.

There is truth in advertising.

Okay, we do do everything together, it's true.

I-I don't know. We don't do everything together.

I mean, you know,

after we're done shooting,

he goes and does his thing,

I-I go and do mine. I--I don't know what he's up to.

You know, I--I really don't.

I mean, there's a-- a professional relationship

and a personal relationship.

-Yeah. -And--and there is a line.

[soft chuckle]

Oh, okay.


[cheers and applause]

-Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo! -BFFs.

-[laughs] -[cheers and applause]

We'll be right back with these guys right after this.

[women] ♪ This here is Raven Live! ♪

♪ Yes, it is Raven Live!... ♪

You're funny.

-Hey, you straight? -Yeah.

Then what the fuck is going on, man?

We're trying to promote a show here.

I--I'm sorry.

-You okay? -Yeah.

[man] Back in five, four, three,


[upbeat theme music plays]

Well, uh, we're back with--

with Chef Jeff.

You know, my--my producer talked to me

during the break, and he told me some very interesting

breaking news that I would be remiss

if I didn't bring up right now, Jeff.

I don't know if you-- if you know this,

but as of now on the Internet,

there is about 14 females

accusing you of sexually inappropriate conduct.

-[crowd gasping] -What?

[Raven] Oh, yes, Jeff, there are detailed accounts being posted

right now of you

having sexually inappropriate behavior

with fellow staff members

and guests of your show.

Would you like to respond to these allegations?

[Jeff] I don't--I don't really know what's going on right now.

Okay, I mean, I came out here to

share some delicious paella with you and your beautiful audience.

This is real issues that I'm gonna be talking about right now.

Did you think I was gonna run from this, Jeff?

Did you think I was gonna run? No.

-I-- -[applause]

We don't run here at Raven Live!

-All right, all-- -No. No.

We talk about the issues here!

-[Jeff] Okay. -[man] Get him, Raven!

[Jeff] Yeah, well, [stammers]

I think you have two paths to go down here right now, Raven.

I mean, one path will lead you to some delicious paella,

juicy lobster, from the island of Formentera, right?

-Jeff, listen, I'm just giving-- -Okay, you know what? I got it.

-No, I'm giving you... -No paella for anybody today.

...a time to respond, Jeff. Do you see this?

-[crowd booing] -Do you see what's happening?

Sorry. Good-bye, muchachos.


[Raven] Jeff!

[booing simmers]

Dev, Dev, would you like to comment on--on this?

Uh, Raven, I just want to be clear,

I--I'm learning about this with everyone else.

Um, and if Jeff did anything inappropriate,

I 100% condone that behavior.

-[crowd groans] -[woman] What?

You condone the behavior?

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I misspoke. I misspoke! Okay?

Condone means approve. I'm sorry, I'm a little nervous.

I'm saying I don't condone the behavior, okay?

I don't know anything about this.

Look, I respect women, all right?

I--I don't know what's going on. I'm not his best friend.

Uh, that's not what it says on the poster.

It specifically says,

you two do everything together.

[Dev] Come on, Raven. That's just the premise of the show.

I mean, I don't think you can see into the future.

[crowd gasps]

I know you did not just bring up That's So Raven.

I didn't mean any offense.

Look, I--I'm just gonna leave.

-Yeah, you better leave. -[crowd booing]

Get this clown out of here, Raven.

[scattered boos]

Wow. Everyone, Chef Jeff and his--

his little BFF, Dev Shah.

I can't really condone watching their show

at this point.

That's okay, we'll be right back with a live performance

from Dierks Bentley. [laughs]

[women] ♪ This here is Raven Live! ♪

♪ Yes it is Raven Live! ♪

♪ Get on your feet ♪

I'm serious.

She's putting every--hey.

Can you fucking believe this, man?

I--I--I mean, it's fucked.

I'm setting up a conference call with my PR team.

We're gonna set up some talking points for you.

Don't worry, this'll blow over.

Talking points for me? I don't want to be involved with this.

What--what do you mean you don't want to be involved?

What are you talking about?

I just got grilled by Raven

for something I had nothing to do with.

Okay, but you don't really think I did this, do you?


Hey, people on our crew have come up to me

and said you've been inappropriate with them.

[stammers] What people?

What are you talk--women?


So you're telling me none of this happened?

None of this happened.

I don't know, man. That's hard for me to buy.

I mean, why would these people make it up?

What do you mean, why, bro?

What are you, naive? Fuckin--

they want to get their 15 minutes.

Okay, they want money.

They want to bring Chef Jeff down!

Come on! Get the fuck out of here, man.

I can't even--get the f-- get the fuck out of here!

All right.


So what's gonna happen now with the show?

Probably cancelled.


[Dev sighs]

I'm so sorry.


I don't care about the show.

I'm happy when you're here.

Have you thought about everything?

Yeah, I did.

It's just, um...

It's just not easy.

[clears throat]



I don't even know how

to start this kind of conversation, um...

I have so many things in my head.

I'm still trying to figure out what--

what I think, what I want, and...


a month ago I knew everything about me

and I knew that I was going to marry Pino

and we would have kids

and we would probably

made a happy family over--

other there in Italy, in Modena.

And then I came here and--

and everything changed.

I just don't know what I want anymore.

[Dev sighs]

I don't

want to hurt you because I really,

really care about you.


Don't even bother.

Don't say it.

[breathes deeply]

I just feel used.

I did not use you.

That's what it feels like.

[Francesca] Well, but I did not.

Dev, I felt every single moment that I spent with you.

I was there too.

You're in a rough patch in your relationship.

You have your fun with me, and you're done,

and you just toss me aside.

Okay, great, so if this is what you think,

I just can-- just have to leave because--

Am I wrong?

Yes, you are wrong, obviously.

-How? -You are completely wrong.

How am I wrong?

Because it's not simple like that, and--

-It is. It is. -No, it's not.

You had your fun with me,

and now you're like,

"Oh, well, Dev,

we're just friends, so, see ya."

Don't do this to me.


Please, try to understand. Try to understand.

Try to listen.

What do I not understand?

Explain it to me.

Do you want me to explain to you that it's not easy

to pack your life

and just throw it away?

Do you think it's easy?

I don't know.

What about Mario?

What about Modena? What about the pasta shop?

What about gran--my grandmother?

What I'm going to say to them?

I'm just gonna move to-- with Dev in New York

because I had a really fun month?

So what was that fun month? Just a fun month?

Just a fun little emotional fling

to take your mind off

a--a relationship that's dying?


[Dev] Is that really fair to me?

Is it?

I will probably go now.

I feel so uncomfortable right now.

Don't go.


Dev, really.

Let me go.


[somber piano music]

♪ ♪

Hey, Dev.


Hey, Rachel.

What's up?


How are you? How is everything?

Um, things are good.

They're, uh, really good.

How are, uh, how are things with you?

They're good.

Uh, well, congratulations on your show.

I've--I've seen the posters around everywhere.

Uh--yeah, it's--it's crazy.

Hey, Rach',

we should probably get going.


Um... I'm--

I--I don't want to keep you.

Yeah, I'm sort of running late for something.


All right, it was good to see you.

Nice to see you.

Dude, I am so sorry about this.

You know, you're gonna be sad for a few weeks.

Maybe a few months,

but I promise you'll get over this.

[sighs] I know,

but I don't want to be sad.

I want to be happy.

I want to be really happy with her.

Yeah, but did you really think this scenario through?

I mean, what was gonna happen?

She was gonna break up with Pino? Move to New York?

I mean, that's so much pressure for both of you guys.

I mean, she's lived in this tiny village her whole life.

She's been with one dude.

Your relationship probably wasn't gonna be

this magical fantasy that's in your head.

It was probably gonna be a shitshow.


I just thought we'd figure it out.

[vintage R&B music playing over radio]

♪ ♪

[sighs] You know,

I don't even know if it's about her.

I just--

I miss that feeling.

When we were together, doing all that stuff...


I felt really connected to somebody.

And it felt good.

♪ ♪

Now I just feel fucking alone.

You know what you really need is a distraction,

something to get your mind off this.

So don't go home and look at

old photos and videos of us being happy together?

I would stop doing that immediately.

But what I want you to do

is go home, put on the dumbest movie you can find,

and watch that.


actually not a bad idea.

[doo-wop music plays]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

-Okay. -What are you doing?

-We're gonna take a video. -Okay.

This is for, um, it's for

Future Dev and Future Francesca.

-Ah. Okay. -Okay? Yeah?

-Put it better, like... -Okay, all right. show Washington Square Park.

-Ooh, that's good. All right. -Look at this.

-Hi, how are you guys? -Hello, future guys.

-Hope you're well. -Yeah.

[Dev] Um, we just wanted to make this video

to remind you of, um, the really fun night we had.

And I hope you guys are happy.

Yeah. Maybe you're watching this in different places

or maybe you're together, who knows, um...

[Francesca] Yeah.

[Dev] But whatever's going on, hope you're very happy.

-Yes. -Bye!


[in Italian] Fra', did you get everything?

[in Italian] I hope so...

Are you ready?

[ambient music]

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[wind moaning]

[soulful Italian music]

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