Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 7, Episode 12 - Ted's Temptation - full transcript

♪ Who can turn the
world on with her smile ♪

♪ Who can take a nothing day ♪

♪ And suddenly make
it all seem worthwhile ♪

♪ Well, it's you, girl
and you should know it ♪

♪ With each glance and every
little movement you show it ♪

♪ Love is all around
No need to waste it ♪

♪ You can have the town
Why don't you take it ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪♪

Oh. Oh, good morning, Mar.

Coffee. Hot coffee.



- Hey. What's the matter?
- Seventeen degrees out,

and the heater in
my car passed away.

- I'm sorry to hear that.
- Oh, that's good.

Do you think anyone would
mind if I warmed my feet in it?

Good morning. Oh, hi, Lou.

Morning.

Murray. Huh?

What would you
do if you were me...

and you had to choose
someone from the newsroom...

to go with you to the
broadcasters' convention?

Lou, you're kidding. Uh-uh. I just
found out from the station manager.

That's this weekend...
In California.

Hollywood, to be exact. I heard,
yesterday, it was 85 degrees.

Oh. Somewhere in the world
it's 85 degrees. [Lou] Mmm.



Well, Murray, who should
I choose to go with me?

Uh, well, uh, gee, uh,
Lou, that's pretty tough.

Uh, well, I think you
should be as impartial...

as is humanly possible. Yeah.

Consider everything. Uh,
and when you're through,

pick the person
with the least hair.

Sounds fair to me.

Mr. Grant, I would be perfectly
willing to shave my head.

[Laughs] I'm only teasing, Mary.

I have here in my little palm...

three tickets for an all-expense-paid
weekend in Los Angeles.

One for you... [Gasps]

one for Murray and one for
me. Hey, Lou, this is sensational.

I can't wait! We'll leave
Friday night right after the news.

Where we going, Lou?

Oh. Hi, Ted.

Where we going? [Chuckles Nervously]
Hey, everybody. Look who's here.

Lucky Ted! [Chuckles]
Yeah. Lucky Ted.

Why am I lucky? You're lucky
because, uh, you don't, uh...

You don't have to
come with us to, uh,

hot, damp, sticky, smoggy L.A...

to be at some stupid
broadcasters' convention.

Oh, no, no, no, Lou.
Lou. Lou, you promised...

the next time there was a freebie that I
would go, and this is the next time, Lou.

[Lou] Oh, Ted, come
on. Nah, you don't want...

Lou, you promised.
Don't break your promise.

Please.

You're right. I promised.

Okay, Ted. Here's my
ticket. I hope you're happy.

[Ted, Chuckling] Thanks, Lou.

Hey.

Won't that be fun?
The three of us?

Uh, yes, operator, I'd
like to call Minneapolis.

Uh, the area code is 612.

Uh, the phone
number is 555-3727.

Yes, I'll hold.

What are you doing, Ted?
Taping up the keyhole.

I don't want anybody
peeking while I'm undressing.

Ted, Mary's in that room.

All the more reason. Who knows how
long she's been waiting for this chance?

Oh, hi, Marie.

Now listen, honey. I want you to
kiss all the kids good night for me.

Yeah. And, uh, lock all the
windows before you go to bed at night.

Yeah. And, uh... Well, look. If you hear
any noises, call me. I'll come right home.

Good night, honey.

You homesick already,
Murray? I am not homesick.

Look. Just because a guy calls his
family doesn't mean he's homesick, Ted.

All it means is that he's concerned.
There's nothing wrong with that.

You mind leaving a
little room for me? Sorry.

[Knocking] I'll get it.

Oh, hiya, Mar. Hi!

Murray, say hello
to Whitney Lewis. Hi.

This is Murray
Slaughter, our writer. Hi.

Hi. Nice to meet you. This is
Ted Baxter, our anchorman.

How do you do?

Hi. Whitney's a
freelance writer.

She's covering the convention
for one of the L.A. papers.

Yeah, I was hoping
to be able to talk you

guys into giving me an
interview this evening.

[Mary] Isn't that
great? Hey! Terrific!

I'm doing an article about the
headaches of putting on a local news show.

Well, if anyone knows about those,
I do. Right. He's one of our biggest.

Why don't you two meet us in the lounge,
and we'll do the interview over a drink?

Oh, great. We'll be
there in a couple of

minutes. I still have a
few pictures to unpack.

Well, nice to meet
you. Yes. Thank you.

I'll be looking
forward to it. Right.

Ooh, boy.

Even the writers
out here look healthy.

Murray. What?

That woman wants me.

What are you talking about, Ted?

Whitney is hot to trot. [Laughs]

Hey, Ted, you're nuts.

Murray, when she shook my
hand, she gave a little extra squeeze.

And you know what that means.

Sure. She wants to pump
some blood to your brain.

I'm telling you, she wants me.

Oh, boy. Hey, Ted.
Will you do me a favor?

Listen. I want you
to close your eyes...

and try to form a mental
image of that girl in your head.

This a game? Yeah.

You got it? Oh, yeah.

Good. Now, I want you to
form a mental image of yourself.

You got it? Good.

Now, I want you to put those
two mental images together...

and tell me honestly, Ted,

what is wrong with that picture?

There's absolutely nothing
wrong with that picture.

No, wait a minute. Now there is.

Georgette just walked
into it with her lawyer.

♪♪ [Band: Jazz]

Yeah, well, I miss
you too, honey.

And I... I love you very much.

Look. If she starts to cough
again, call me. I'll come right home.

[Kisses] Good-bye.

My cat has a fur ball.

I'm sorry. I guess we're
a pretty dull interview.

♪♪ [Ends] Oh, no. Not at all.
I've got a lot of good stuff here.

I almost forgot the
funniest story of all.

Murray, you remember the
time the film car broke down...

and we couldn't get to the story, so
we had to send the crew on the bus?

I remember that.
It was hilarious.

Yeah? What happened?

Well, that was it.

We... We couldn't get
the, uh... the crew to...

Well, you know, I guess it's just
funny compared to the other stories.

Well, like I said, I've got
a lot of good stuff here.

I, uh... I just have a few more
questions I'd like to ask Ted.

Sure.

Ted, how did you
become an anchorman?

It all started in a small 5,000-watt
radio station in Fresno, California.

♪♪ [Resumes] Mary,
would you like to dance?

Murray, I would like to dance
even if there were no music.

Good. If you had said no, I would
have danced alone. Excuse us.

Oh, sure. You were saying, Ted.

Well, actually, when I first started, I
had no idea of becoming a TV newsman.

I wanted to be a disc jockey.

What made you change your mind?

God.

I had this dream where he told
me I was too good looking for radio.

Well, he's right.

You are an attractive man.

Thanks.

Well, you don't want to
argue with the big guy.

Listen, Ted. Would
you be available...

for an in-depth interview while
you're out here this weekend?

In depth? Yes.

Uh, maybe tomorrow, someplace
where we'd have less distractions.

Someplace where I could really
get to know Ted Baxter, the man.

Okay.

But not in the morning.
I may go to Disneyland.

Tomorrow night
will be just fine.

Fine. Fine. Where?

Oh, I don't know.
How about your room?

My room?

I think, that way, we'd
both be less inhibited.

I'd like to find out what
makes Ted Baxter tick,

what he thinks about,
what turns him on.

Well, I can tell you right
now what turns him on.

What?

It's the way you've got
your hand on his knee.

♪♪ [Band Continues]

Isn't that funny? [Chuckles]

I didn't even realize I had my
hand on your knee. [Chuckles]

Well, you do.

In fact, it's still there.

Is it? Uh-huh.

Either that, or
my leg's on fire.

Well, to tomorrow then?

Yeah, right.

To what I think
may be the most...

memorable interview either one
of us has ever had. ♪♪ [Ends]

[Applause] How's it going?

Oh, just fine. Ted and I are
going to get together tomorrow...

and finish what we started here.

Murray. Yes?

She wants to
interview me... in depth.

You won't need your
scuba gear for that one.

Well, excuse me. I'm sure
you're all exhausted from your trip.

And there's a few people
with the convention...

I still have to interview
before it gets too late.

So I'll say good night. I'll
be in touch with you, Ted.

Mary, thanks for everything.
Oh, thank you. It was our pleasure.

Good night now.
[Both] Good night.

Gee, she's nice,
isn't she? Yeah.

Nice? That woman just hit
on me, Mary. Hit on you, Ted?

She's warm for my form.

Ted, you're crazy. He told
me the same thing in the room.

You guys don't believe me?
That woman wants my body.

Ted, if she was a grave robber,
she wouldn't want your body.

[Laughing]

That's not funny, Mary.

And I'm not lying.

I'd tell you what she said, but I'm
afraid to say it in mixed company.

Okay, Ted. What did she say?

She said she...

wanted to interview
me in my room.

Tell her what that
means, Murray.

It means she doesn't want
to be seen with you in public.

Okay, wise guy.
She touched my knee.

Oh, Ted. Come on.
People touch people.

It doesn't necessarily
mean anything.

Mary, wise up.
This is Hollywood.

Wild parties, orgies, whips.

People don't come here just
for the oranges, you know.

You know what
your trouble is, Ted?

You believe all those
things about Hollywood.

Trust me. It's just a
town like any other.

The people are no different
here than any other place.

Yeah. I guess you're right.

Excuse me, sir. Yeah?

Would you like to dance?

[Rings]

Ted Baxter, anchorman.

Hi, Ted. Oh, hi, Whitney.

I was just leaving the
hotel to go home, and, uh,

I wondered what time you
wanted to meet tomorrow night.

Anytime you say.

Let's make it early, huh? Say,
uh, around 8:00, if it's no problem.

No problem. I'm all yours.

That's what I was hoping for.

Oh, yeah. Right.

Murray, she's
hitting on me again.

Ted. Ted, if you don't go to
sleep, I'm gonna start hitting on you.

I don't know what
it is about you...

that attracted me
to you so quickly.

Maybe it's that fantastic
silver hair of yours.

Murray, she's a hair freak.

Well, if you get a
skin freak, wake me.

Listen. Listen. Uh... [Sighs]

I'm sorry. I... I couldn't hear
you. I was clipping my toenails.

What I was trying
to say, Ted, is that...

as soon as I met
you this evening,

I knew right away I felt
something special for you.

And, uh, seeing as
how we had so little time,

I thought I should let
you know how I felt.

Uh, excuse me. Someone's
knocking on the door.

Ted, what is it? Shh. Come on.
Come on. Whitney's on the phone.

Oh, Ted. Really. Shh!

Uh, that was just the maid.
She wanted to turn my bed down.

Ted, I don't know how anybody
could turn down your bed.

I think you're the most
exciting man I've ever met.

See you tomorrow. Good night.

[Line Clicks]

Gee!

You guys thought I was crazy,
huh? You heard her, Murray.

That beautiful woman wants
me. What do you say now?

There is no God.

Come on, Murray.
Don't leave me alone.

I'm sorry, Ted.
I've gotta get home.

You can't be that homesick
that you can't stay one more day.

It has nothing to do with
homesick. It's an emergency.

My kid's hamster is lethargic.

The only reason I told Whitney it was okay
to come tonight was 'cause you'd be here.

- If you go,
who's gonna save me?
- Save you from what?

From myself. You're a man. You
can understand what I'm going through.

I want to be true
to Georgette, but...

how many times
in a man's life...

does he get a shot
at a girl like Whitney?

May never happen again.

Sure never happened before.

I know that may come
as a shock to you, Murray.

I know you figure a guy
as good looking as me...

has probably got chicks
crawling all over him, but,

for some strange reason,
it never happened to me.

Closest I ever came to...

having a beautiful girl go for me
was when I was in high school.

Mona Esposito.

A good-looking girl.

Fantastic.

One night, I mustered up enough
courage to ask her to go for a drive.

Took her up this dark,
deserted road, and,

when we were in the middle of
nowhere, I pulled over to the side...

and I told her we
were out of gas.

- What happened?
- Nothing.

By the time I got back
with the gas, she was gone.

Mary.

I'm leaving now. I, uh,
just want to say good-bye.

Oh, right. Yeah. Okay. See
you at the office on Monday.

I wouldn't leave
if I didn't have to.

No, no. Of course not.

Hope your hamster feels better.

Mary, make him stay. Ted, look. I
already told Marie I was going home.

I'll see you Monday. So long.

Give me some advice, Murray. How
can I tell Whitney I'm not interested?

What are you asking me for?

I had a hard enough time telling
that guy I didn't want to cha-cha.

Good-bye.

Mary. Mary, don't
leave me alone.

Ted, I'm sorry, but I
have a dinner date.

I don't know if I can
resist temptation. I'm

not sure how I'm gonna
behave with Whitney.

Ted, I can't believe
what I'm hearing.

Well, I can't help it,
Mary. I'm a weak person.

And she's a really beautiful
woman. Really beautiful, Mary.

Now, don't take this the wrong way,
but she makes you look like a dog.

Oh! I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Mary. But remember,
you... You introduced me to her.

If anything happens, it's your fault.
Ted, what do you want me to do?

Save me from myself. Tell me
how wrong it will be. Oh, Ted.

Mary, really lay
it on me. Please.

All right. It would be bad.

Really bad. Despicable.

Probably the worst thing
you ever did in your life.

And you'll burn in hell.

You're gonna have to do
a lot better than that, Mary.

No, wait a minute.
Just-Just-Just one more thing.

What would you do if you were married
and something like this happened to you?

Ted, I don't know. Mary,
please. What would you do?

All right. All right. If I were married and
some man made the kind of advances...

Oh, no, no, no. Not...
Not just some man.

Let's say it was Robert Redford.

Robert Redford?

Right. By the way, Mary, Whitney
also makes him look like a bowwow.

All right, Ted. All right. Even
if it were Robert Redford,

I'm sure I would just
tell him straight out.

I would say, "Robert"...

It has to be Robert Redford?

Right. And he's telling
you he wants you,

he needs you.

He starts nibbling on your ear.

Gives you little bites
on the back of the neck.

What would you do then?

Who did you say
I was married to?

See? It isn't easy, is it?

Aw, Ted, come on. [Knocking]

- Who is it?
- It's Whitney, Ted.

Mary, it's her.
Please. What'll I do?

Ted, I can't be your
conscience for you.

You're just gonna have to be a
man and do what's right. Okay, okay.

I'll be a man. I'll do what's right.
Just do me one favor. What?

Listen at the keyhole.

And if you hear me
starting to enjoy myself,

wait 10 minutes, then
break the door down.

Hi.

[Gasping] Hi.

Oh. Great threads.

Ready for our interview?

Oh, sure.

Can I go get you a typewriter?

You know that
won't be necessary.

[Yelps]

[Gasping] Excuse me.

Uh, I've got someone here in
the next room I have to check on.

He's got a high fever.
Almost as high as mine.

Ted! For crying out loud!

Relax, Mary. I've already
got more than I can handle.

Ted. You get out
of here this instant.

She kissed me, Mary. I'm a
weak person. Please, help me.

I love Georgette, but that girl
in there could kiss for a living.

- Ted, if you really love Georgette...
- I do. I do.

Then just tell her you're sorry.

Tell her you have an important
business appointment...

in half an hour. Where?

I don't know where, Ted. It
doesn't matter where. Anywhere.

Okay. Okay. Business...
Business appointment anywhere.

Okay.

Is everything okay?

Fine. Fine.

I just remembered that
I have a very important

business engagement
in a half an hour.

Oh. Can't you break it?

Well, I... I'm afraid not.

I mean, business is business.

Well, okay.

If that's the way it has to
be, that's the way it has to be.

Yeah. Well, that's the way it
is. I mean, that's the way it goes.

What are you
gonna do? [Chuckles]

I mean, that's... that's the
way the cookie crumbles.

[Chuckles] Well, I'd
better check on my

friend. It's time to take
the thermometer out.

Mary. It worked.

Good. I told her I had a business
appointment, and she bought it.

Fine. Fine. Naturally, she was
disappointed. What woman wouldn't be?

Ted, if you don't mind, I am trying
to get dressed. Oh. Right. Right.

Mary, thanks.
I'm really grateful.

I'll do the same for you if
Robert Redford ever gets the hots.

Hi.

You're not feeling well?

Oh.

Oh!

You did say we
only had a half hour.

[Exhales]

Excuse me. I think
my friend is dying.

- Ted!
- Yes?

What about me?

Oh, I'm sorry. My-My-My
friend can't have any visitors.

That's not what I meant, Ted.

Hey. Whitney, there's
something I've gotta tell you.

Yes, Ted?

I mean, you're...

You're a... a beautiful woman,
and I appreciate the fact that you're...

You're attracted to me.

I... [Gasping]

I'm... I'm a married man.

And... And I have
a wonderful wife.

And I lo... lo... lo...

And I love... love her more than
anything else in the whole world.

[Sobbing]

I can't make whoopee with you.

I wish I could, but I can't.

I can, you know, but I can't.

You have no idea how
much I wish I could.

But I... I made a
vow to be faithful,

and I'm... I'm not gonna break
that vow for any woman, even you.

You know, Ted,
you're quite a guy.

Yeah. I'm quite a guy.

[Sniffs] You're not
mad at me, are you?

No, Ted.

[Exhales]

Well,

it was nice meeting
you, Whitney.

And it was nice doing
whatever it was we didn't do.

Listen. I... I'll
never forget tonight.

I... It'll remain something
very special to me always.

And you're a wonderful woman to
be so... so kind and understanding.

And... And if you're
ever in Minneapolis,

please stay away from my house.

[Sobbing]

Mary. Everything's fine.
Straightened out. Perfect.

Good. Good. Ted, uh,
I'd like you to meet Jim

Sutton. This is Ted
Baxter, our anchorman.

- Hi.
- Hi.

You're going out with one of
the greatest ladies in the world.

She's sweet.
She's kind. Helpful.

A real angel.

Thanks, Mary. Oh,
Ted, don't mention it.

I'll see you in the morning.
There's just one more thing.

Yes, Ted? If Whitney comes
back, can I sleep with you tonight?

Oh. Oh. What he means...

[Mews]