Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 6, Episode 8 - Mary's Delinquent - full transcript

Mary is producing a public service spot regarding juvenile delinquency for the Big Sisters organization. In discussing the issue with Ted who is the spokesperson for the spot, Mary decides to volunteer to act as a big sister, despite not having much experience in dealing with young women with troubled lives. Sue Ann also decides to volunteer to be a big sister solely to increase her chances of winning the Twin-Cities TV Woman of the Year award for which she's been nominated. As her little sister, Mary ends up getting fifteen year old Francie Stevens, who is on probation for a shoplifting conviction. Despite things between them not starting off too well, Mary and Francie ultimately bond. However, some issues arise concerning Francie possibly continuing her criminal ways about which Mary and Francie will have to come to some quick understandings. Meanwhile, while answering what she believes is an innocent question from Gus the director, Mary ends up buying a helicopter for the station.

♪ Who can turn the
world on with her smile ♪

♪ Who can take a nothing day ♪

♪ And suddenly make
it all seem worthwhile ♪

♪ Well, it's you, girl
and you should know it ♪

♪ With each glance and every
little movement you show it ♪

♪ Love is all around
No need to waste it ♪

♪ You can have the town
Why don't you take it ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪♪


Lou, it's none of my
business, but, uh...

It's a little early to be
drinking scotch, right? Right.

[Laughs] But
I'm not drinking it.

I have a toothache.

And a dentist... A
man with a degree...

Instructed me to take some
scotch and hold it on my tooth.

That is not drinking scotch.
This is drinking scotch.

Ahh! Lou, I'm glad I caught
you before you left, because...

Wait a minute. I'm not finished.

You asked me a question.
I'm giving you an answer.

Notice the difference now.

This is not drinking scotch
at 9:00 in the morning.

See? I'm holding it on my
tooth to reduce the pain.

How can you do that and talk?

I must've swallowed it.

I gotta get to the dentist's.

Lou, I gotta ask you something.
Anything you have to ask, ask Mary.

Whatever she says goes. When
I'm not here, she's in charge.

And I'm going to the best
dental appointment in my life.

Hi. Hiya, Gus.

Come on, will you, Ted? I'm
trying to make up my mind.

If you want in on the football
pool, you gotta do it now.

There are only two squares left.

[Groans] Oh, no, please.
Not the football pool.

Guys, I've got work to do.
Okay, I'm in. How much?

Fifty cents apiece.
I'll take one.

Ted, it's a lousy 50 cents.
Go crazy. Take both of them.

You're talkin' a
whole dollar, Murr.

It only takes one square to win.

Luck, be a lady tonight. Daddy
needs a new pair of shoes.

Eenie, meenie, miney, moe;
William, William Trimble-toe.

Wire, wire, limber lock,
three geese in a flock;

one flew east, one flew west,
one flew over the cuckoo's nest.

My mother told me, O-U-T
spells "out," you dirty dishrag you.

I'll take this one.
It's about time.

[Chuckles] I only did that to get
your goat, Mary. Did I get your goat?

- Yes, Ted, you got my goat.
- I got her goat, Murr.

Oh, Ted, wait a minute. You got a public
service spot. Let me give you the copy.

What is it this time?
T.B., V.D... what?

It's the Big Sisters Association
for juvenile delinquents.

Sorry, Mary. I only do diseases.

It's a very worthy cause. It's
helped a lot of troubled kids.

It's not gonna kill you to
donate a little free time.

Oh, yeah? What are you doing?
I don't see you donating any time.

I'm producing the spot.
Oh, big deal. Big contribution.

If you really thought
it was worthwhile,

you'd be out on the
streets helping those kids.

Well, Ted, as a
matter of fact, I've been

thinking seriously about
getting a Little Sister.

Thinking seriously, Mar? Yeah.

Well, now I've been thinking seriously
about becoming a plastic surgeon...

so that I can help tattooed
people start a new life.

You know something?
You're right.

I'm gonna stop talking about it, and
I'm gonna start doing something about it.

I'm gonna call the
Big Sisters today.

You are? Because of what I
said? I talked you into it? Yes, Ted.

Gee. You have no idea
what that means to me.

I mean, I... Nobody
ever listens to me.

Sometimes when I say something
in a room, nobody listens.

But that's all changed now.

You have no idea how... how
good that makes me feel, Murray.



Look, are you really serious about
this Big Sister thing? Yeah. Why?

Well, not that you wouldn't
be a good influence on the kids,

it's just that taking in a juvenile
delinquent might be a lot to handle.

- I know.
- But, Mary, these girls
have been around.

You don't know what kind
of trouble they've been in.

Some of these girls may
have, uh, dated heavily.

Murr, what are you trying to
say... that I haven't lived enough,

that I'm too naive
to be a Big Sister?

Let's face it, Mary. You are not what
I would call an experienced woman.

[Chuckling] Murray.

You have no idea how
experienced or inexperienced I am.

I mean, sure, true, I'm not
what you'd call a wild woman,

but I'm hardly innocent.

I've been around.

All right, I might not have been
around, but I've... been nearby.

Okay, Mar.

I just wanted you to know
what you were getting into.

Hi, Mary. Hi, Murray.
[Both] Hi, Gus.

Hey, guys, we gotta get
movin' on this helicopter deal.

I mean, holy cow. If we
don't buy that baby soon,

we're gonna miss out on the bargain
of the century. Yeah, we got your memo.

When I was directing
for Channel 6,

having our own helicopter
was the greatest...

For forest fires,
floods, tornadoes.

Without aerial shots,
those things are a disaster.

You really think it's a good
deal, huh? Are you kidding?

Holy smoke. Helicopters
sell for 150,000.

We can get this one for 95.

Hello. I'd like to talk to someone
about the Big Sisters program.

I just wanna know... don't you think
it's a good idea to get a helicopter?

Hello. My name is... Mary, in
a few years, it'll pay for itself.

What is it, Gus?

Do you agree
about the helicopter?

- Yes, certainly we should
have a helicopter.
- Terrific.

Hello. My name is Mary
Richards, and I'd like to

talk to somebody about
getting a Little Sister.

Right. Listen, um,

I think I should mention that I haven't
had a whole lot of experience in this area,

and I was sort of wondering
if-if you had a girl...

who hasn't done, uh...

Well, a girl, you know,
who hasn't been...

Listen, would you have a
girl who's just sort of cranky?

Murray, I have the
greatest news in the world.

I have just been nominated
Twin Cities TV Woman of the Year.

What year?

I have to send them a résumé.

I was hoping someone would type it
for me. Come on, Sue Ann. You can type.

I know, but it's so difficult with
these fantastically long nails.

Gee, I always thought
they were retractable.

I don't suppose
you could help me?

Sue Ann, I have to
get this story finished.

Oh, at least look it
over, couldn't you?

After all, you're a writer.

You have a way with words.

You have such a facile
command of the language.

You really know how to sling it.

Uh, let's see.

"Celebrity Chairman
of the Junior Red Cross.

Volunteered 120 hours to
the Baptist Youth Fellowship."

I didn't know you did that.

Neither did the Baptists.

Let's see.

What other unselfish things
have I done to aid mankind?

Did you include the time
the Shriners were in town?

Oh, Murray. I'm gonna
let that remark go now...

and then hurt you
very deeply later.

Hi, Sue Ann. Oh,
Mary, I am so sorry.

I don't know how they could have
passed you over. Maybe another year.

Sue Ann has been nominated
for TV Woman of the Year.

And you weren't.

Well, congratulations, Sue Ann.

Are you bitter? No.


So, how did things
work out at Big Sisters?

Terrific. They put you through
a kind of screening process,

and I guess I passed,
'cause I've got a Little Sister.

- Oh? What's she like?
- Well, we were just
sort of introduced.

We didn't get a
chance to talk too much.

But she's 15, bright,
cute as a button...

and out on probation
for shoplifting.

What was the name of this
group, Mary? The Big Sisters.

Big Sisters? That'd be the perfect
thing for me to do to clinch the award.

And I'd be wonderful at it. I had an
ideal relationship with my own sister.

And it wasn't easy. Naturally,
she resented being the ugly one.

I had to mention the
Big Sisters, didn't I?

Now, because of me, some
poor underprivileged kid...

is gonna be forced to
learn how to cook a quiche.

Hey, Mary, we got it!

Hey. Got what? The helicopter.

Thanks for the
go-ahead. Smart move.

Mary, you really bought
it? That was a big decision.

Wait a minute. Only Mr. Grant
can make a decision like that. I...

Lou said you were in charge,
and you said get a helicopter.

- I was in charge?
- Yeah. Didn't you know?

Lou had to go to the
dentist's this morning.

Gus, I had no idea.

You asked me if I agreed that we
should get a helicopter, and I said yeah.

That was an opinion, not a
decision. Mary, the deal's been made.

You got yourself a whirlybird.

A helicopter? What's
Mr. Grant gonna say?

I don't know. You wanna fly
over to his dentist's and find out?

I really love what you're doing
to your new apartment, Mary.

But it's funny. The last time I was
here, the ceiling seemed higher.

That's probably because you
weren't standing on a chair then.

You're probably right.

Let's see. Yeah.
Yeah, I think that's even.

Feels even.

Thanks, Mary. You're welcome.

Anything I can help with
before Francine comes?

No, no. Everything's
fine... except me.

To tell you the truth, I'm
not quite sure how to act.

I've never had a
sister. Neither did I.

And I was lonely, so I
made up an imaginary sister.

Dottie... she taught
me how to tap-dance.

I wonder what ever
happened to her.

[Doorbell Rings]

Francie, hi. Come on in. Hi.

Francie, this is
Georgette Franklin.

This is Francie Stevens.
Hi. Nice to meet you.

I guess I'd better be going,
Mary. No. Hey, don't rush off.

Thanks, but Ted and I are
going to the movies this afternoon.

I have to go home
and make the popcorn.

Oh. Well, have fun.

Good-bye, Mary. Bye, Francie.

Well, hope you didn't have
any trouble finding the place.

I tried to call to see
if you needed a ride.

- My probation officer
dropped me off.
- Mr. Cooper. Very nice man.

He's a creep.

Well, how about some
lunch? You like hamburgers?


Can I fix you something
else? I've got tuna fish.

Ah. Chicken salad.
And I've got frozen pizza.

Got any grass?

I've got sardines.

Well, we can have lunch later.

So. So you're in high school.

Yeah. You like it?

Oh, it's better than having a
lit cigar stuck up your nose.


- I'll bet... I'll bet
you were a cheerleader.
- Still shows, huh?

Probably dated
the football captain.

Oh, well, no. He was
only the quarterback.

- Made good grades too, right?
- Yeah. Uh, I was terrible
in math.

Yeah, I know your type.

Never late, never absent.

Never getting loaded,
never getting busted.

A real Susie Cream Cheese.

Francie, could I
make a suggestion?

- What?
- Knock it off.

Look, I know it may not seem that you
and I have a lot in common, you know,

but, uh, why don't
you give it a chance?

- You might even
get to like me.
- Compared to what?

A lit cigar up your nose.

Okay, let's give it a try.
Okay. [Knock On Door]

Surprise! Sue Ann.

Isn't it wonderful?

I have a Little Sister too.

And mine's black.

She's very quick, isn't she?

- This is Celestine Watkins.
- Hi, Celestine. I'm Mary Richards.

This is Francie
Stevens. [Both] Hi.

Oh, you girls should
have a lot in common.

She's a delinquent too.

Celestine and I were just on our way to
the movies. Would you care to join us?

Well, maybe some
other time, Sue Ann.

See, Francie and I were just
kind of getting to know each other.

What a good idea.
We'll do that too.

Celestine, can I get you
something? No, thanks. I have these.

Hey, you want some?
Sure. I love reds.

- [Stammering] Uh...
- I'm sorry. Would you like some?

Listen, um, girls, what you do on
your own is one thing, you know.

But when you're here, I'm afraid
I'm gonna have to put my foot down.

I'm sorry, but, uh, I just
don't go for that kind of thing.

You don't go for Tic Tacs?

Yeah, well, you know, maybe...

Hi. Oh, hi.

I was just trying to type
you a thank-you note...

for letting me hang out
here the last few days.

I'm just sorry I didn't get a chance
to spend more time with you.

What with my boss out with
a sick tooth and everything,

I've really had my hands full.

Hey, Mar, did you hear? I
won the pool! Where's Murray?

He'll be back in a few minutes.

Hi, Francie. Hi.

Francie, I've been meaning
to give you a little advice.

Just because you've been in trouble,
there's no reason to be ashamed.

Everybody deserves
a second chance, so...

So make the most
of it. [Chuckles]

Because it may
not seem like it now,

but there are
wonderful years ahead.

For example, just think, in three or four
years, you'll be old enough to date me.

I'll try and remember
that, Mr. Baxter. Good.

I'll see you tonight
at 7:30, right, Mary?

Right. See you
then. Okay, bye-bye.

Hey, I was just lookin'
at your helicopter, Mary.

Gus, will you please
not call it my helicopter?

They said they were gonna
bring it over later this afternoon.

Where do you wanna
keep it? I don't know.

Can't it just hover? [Laughing]

Hey, Murray. Murray,
where's my money?

In my top left-hand drawer, Ted.

Is that "camera
left" or real left?

Left, Ted.

It's not here, Murray. What do you
mean it's not there? It's gotta be there.

I just put it in
there before lunch.

It's not there.

- Somebody stole my money.
- Oh, Ted, that's ridiculous.

Oh. Oh, I know
what you're thinking.

Well, you're just wrong.

Francie doesn't steal
money from desks.

She happens to be a shoplifter.

Mijote. Mijote, mon petit
cassoulet tranche de jambon.

If you speak French
to food, it tries harder.

Would you like to say something?

I don't think so.

The salad looks bad, Mar.

How can it look bad, Sue
Ann? Everything's fresh.

[Laughing] Mary.

Mary... naive, out-of-it Mary.

"Bad" is a hip way
of saying "good."

Everybody knows that.

For instance, if
I liked that outfit,

I'd say "Those threads are bad."

Get it? Sure.

Sue Ann, your
show is really bad.

Oh. Thank you, Mary.
That's very sweet of you.

Oh, Celestine and I are
having such fun together.

Last night, we went to a double
feature... Shaft and Super Fly.

Oh, it was wonderful watching
them stick it to the honkies.

You know, it's just too bad
that Francie isn't sharing...

some of her cultural and
social upbringing with you.

Oh, silly me. But of course
she is. She stole Ted's money.

Sue Ann, you don't know that.

Mary, just because
you blew it with Francie,

- you don't have
to take it out on me.
- I didn't blow it with Francie.

I'm just trying to figure out how
I'm gonna ask her about the money.

Well, you don't have
to worry about it.

I know the perfect
way to ease into it.

No. Sue Ann, please, it's between
Francie and me. I really don't...

Nonsense, Mary. Let me help you.

They always relate better to
people closer to their own age.

[Doorbell Rings]

Come in.

Hi, Sue Ann. Hi,
Mary. [Mary] Hi, girls.

Okay, everybody, à table.

Mmm! Smells wonderful.
What are we having?

Soul food... collard greens,
black-eyed peas and ham hocks...

and a béarnaise sauce that
makes the whole thing palatable.

Say, I have an idea. While
we're having our salad,

why don't we play a
marvelous game I know?

It's called I Confess.

Sue Ann, I really
don't think that...

The object of the game is to
tell something that we've done...

that we now regret.

Who'd like to go
first? Celestine.

[Sighs] Well, okay.

I lied to you.

See? This is just the
kind of thing we're after.

Now, what was the lie?

Well, I lied to you when I said that
the kids thought that your show...

was the hippest
thing since Soul Train.

Well, that's all right,
dear. I don't mind.

We all boogie to a
different drummer.

Oh, I love being a Big Sister.

All right, Mary, it's your
turn. I don't wanna play.

Oh, Mary, come on.

Just tell something that
you did that you now regret.

Okay. I bought a
helicopter without knowing it.

That was dumb, Mary. Thank you.

Uh, now it's your turn, Sue Ann.

All righty.

Well, I guess it's no secret
that I was a child prodigy.

I was reading cookbooks at two.

I started pickling at six.

When I was 12, I was
quite heavily into sauces.

By my 13th birthday,

I wanted to bake
my first walnut cake.

But we didn't have any walnuts.

So I went down to
Mr. Mac's grocery store,

and I stole a whole bag of them.

Oh, the next day, I was so
ashamed, I... I went back to confess.

But it was too late.

Mr. Mac had died
during the night.

And I just know it was God's way of
punishing me for taking those walnuts.

Now, Francie,
dear, it's your turn.

I don't wanna play. I
think it's a stupid game.

All right, dear. Then
why don't we just chat?

Francie, did you steal the
money out of Murray's desk?

Sue Ann!

Well, how else are
you going to find out?

She wouldn't play the game.

Francie, I'm sorry about
this stupid game. I really am.

Look, the thing is, some money
was taken out of Murray's desk,

and I want you to know that I
don't believe that you took it.

Mary, I... Sure, sure.

A lot of people figure that because
a kid's been in trouble before,

she'll be in trouble again, and I
want you to know I set them straight.

- What are Big Sisters for, huh?
- Mary, I think there's
something I should...

You and I said we'd trust each other,
and I want you to know I do trust you.

I'm not gonna let anyone accuse
you of something you didn't do.

- Mary, I took the money.
- Who else?

Well, do I call the fuzz or not?

No, Ted. Francie gave
me the money. Here it is.

Yeah. Fifty dollars.

So, she stole it, huh? Yes, Ted.

I was right, huh? Yes,
Ted, you were right.

You were wrong.
Yes, Ted, I was wrong.

I was right, and you were wrong. Yes,
Ted, you were right, and I was wrong.

You were wrong, and I was right. Yes,
Ted, I was wrong, and you were right.

All right, all right, Mar.
Let's not dwell on it.

It's kind of interesting... I sit
here, I don't make a lot of money,

but I see a lot of
life passing me by.

And some weeks,
I'd prefer money.

Hi. Hi. More life.

Can I speak to you for a
minute, Mary? Yeah, sure.

Sure. Come on.
We'll go in here. Okay.

Mary, the most wonderful
thing just happened.

Yeah? Great. What?

Well, I just stole
this outfit. Look.

Francie, how is that wonderful?

Well, I feel really
terrible about taking it.

I mean, I must be
making progress.

Dear, we're going to
have to have a little talk.

See... Hi, Mr. Grant. Do you
remember what I said to you last night?

- Aren't you gonna ask me
how I am?
- How are you, Mr. Grant?

Not tops.

I have you in my chair, a kid
in my office, a hole in my gum...

and a helicopter in
my parking space.

- [Stammering]
- That's not tops, Mary.

We're gonna get out
of here right now. No.

But, Mr. Grant, we have something
to talk about. In front of me.

Yeah, but what we have to
talk about is, uh, kind of private.

Nobody's going anywhere.
What's going on around here?

Mary, that's okay. I don't mind
him knowing I shoplifted this.

Are you crazy, kid?

You know what they'll do to you if they
catch you? It could ruin your whole life.

Now listen to me. You're gonna
have to cut this stuff out because...

Who is she? Does
anybody know her?

Yes, Mr. Grant, I do. She's my Little
Sister from the Big Sisters Association.

I guess that's enough.

Now look, you're gonna have
to take that outfit back now.

You know what "now" means? It
doesn't mean you walk back to that store.

You run. Run, run, run.

Well, Mr. Grant, I was
just about to tell her that.

Now listen, kid. Nobody
had to tell you that.

You don't go telling people
you stole something...

if you didn't expect
to have to take it back.

I... Boy, I... I would
never have thought of that.

You know, Mr. Grant,
you are really impressive.

It's the Novocaine.

Francie, uh, would you like me to
go with you when you take it back?

No, thanks, Mary.
I'm gonna do it myself.

I'm gonna pay my dues.

Pay your dues. Good,
good, good. Okay, bye-bye.


Well, how hard can it be to
take something back, right?

You just... [Sniffles] just walk in,
say "I'm sorry. I made a mistake.

I don't need this. I don't
want this. Please take it back."

Good, Mary. Now just remember
that when you take back the helicopter.

You see this hole in my gum?

This hole cost me 200 bucks.

And another 40 for the liquor.

It must have been martinis. I
think you got an olive stuck in there.

That's great. Bye-bye.
[Sighs] What a relief.

They took the outfit
back, they're not

gonna press charges,
and Francie feels fine.

And we have peace in
our time. [Mary Sighs]

You know something? This
Big Sister program really works.

Of course. It's just like I
told them in that promo.

"The more confused
and immature a person is,

the easier she's influenced
by someone else."

People! What do you think?