Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 6, Episode 5 - Ted's Moment of Glory - full transcript

Ted is dropping hints to Mary and Murray that he is taking a trip to New York, about which they don't really care. When Mary eventually does ask Ted about the trip, he proudly announces that he has been asked to audition for a new game show. In their general well wishes, Mary, Murray and Lou, who don't give it much thought, are certain it will not amount to anything. Georgette, on the other hand, is secretly afraid of Ted getting the job, and forgetting his Minneapolis life, including her. But after the on-camera audition, complete with contestants and a live studio audience, Ted doesn't hear from the producers for weeks, which Mary tries to break gently to him that it probably means he didn't get the job. When Ted eventually hears from the producers, he is ecstatic that he is offered the position. As Lou and Mary prepare for Ted's departure, which primarily focuses on finding his replacement, they both can't help but lament his departure. Lou and Mary will have to decide if Ted means more to them than they would like to admit and more to them than what is generally his motivators in life, namely fame and fortune, to try to get him to stay.

♪ Who can turn the
world on with her smile ♪

♪ Who can take a nothing day ♪

♪ And suddenly make
it all seem worthwhile ♪

♪ Well, it's you, girl
and you should know it ♪

♪ With each glance and every
little movement you show it ♪

♪ Love is all around
No need to waste it ♪

♪ You can have the town
Why don't you take it ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪♪

Morning, Mar. Hi, Murr.

Hey, what you lookin' for? Oh,
just some kind of offbeat character...

we might be able to
use as a feature tonight.

- Oh, any luck?
- No. So far, the best
I can come up with is a man...

who can play "The Flight of the Bumblebee"
by hitting his head with a wet spatula.


Hi, guys. [Both] Hi, Ted.

Uh, listen, Murr, about
tonight's rundown... Excuse me.

Do you know how long it takes to
fly from Minneapolis to New York?

About two hours, I think. I was
thinking... Do you know how long...

it takes to get from the airport in
New York to the center of New York?

About three-quarters of an
hour, I think. I was thinking...

Do you know any good hotels in
New York, any good restaurants...

or any good shows
to see in New York?

Are you by any chance
going to New York?

Boy, try to keep a
secret around here.

As long as the cat's out of the bag, I
might as well tell you the whole story.

I've been asked to go to New York to
audition for host for a big new game show.

- You're kidding.
- No.

Host of a game show? I wouldn't
wish that on my worst enemy.

All the luck in the world, Ted.

- You wanna know
how much the job pays?
- Not really.

But, Ted, it's not
that I'm not interested,

but you already make
a lot more than I do.

Yeah, a lot more.

It's a little depressing to hear that
someone you know... And respect.

That someone you know is
earning more money than you are.

Ted, I don't want
to discuss salaries.

It's nobody's business
how much anybody makes.

You're right. It's nobody's
business that I make $750 a week,

and you only make $280 a week.

And he only makes $275 a week.

Uh, 215, 187. [Chuckles] 187.50.

Oh, you're right, Mary.

It was foolish and insensitive of
me to even bring up the subject.

You think a guy that's gonna be
making a thousand dollars a week...

would have more brains
than to... [Mock Laugh]

What makes you so sure they're
gonna choose you for the job, Ted?

Oh, come on, Murray. They
have to. With Ted's intelligence,

they're certainly not gonna ask
him to be a contestant. [Chuckles]

Thanks, Mary. There's
no point in being modest.

I know they're gonna choose me. I
got a feeling that I'm gonna get lucky.

I only had this feeling three
times before in my life...

Once when I won
the football pool,

once when I won a
color TV in a raffle...

and on my 43rd
date with Georgette.


Oh. I gotta break the
bad news to the big fella.

I hate to do this. It's gonna
break the big lug's heart. Eh.

Lou, I've got
something to tell you.

Better brace yourself, Lou.

I've been asked to go to New York
to try out for host of a new game show.

I know this may come
as a shock to you,

but if I get it, I'm afraid it means
I'm gonna have to leave WJM News.

Oh. Lots of luck,
Ted. Any calls, Mary?


Look how he hides the pain.

Georgette, would you
like some more buttermilk?

No, thank you. I've
already had two glasses.

I really appreciate your
inviting me over to brunch, Mary.

Oh. It's lonely with Ted gone.

Georgette, he's only
been gone a few hours.

Yes, but, with Ted, a few
hours can seem like a lifetime.

I know. I know.

Everything was really
delicious, Mary. Thanks.

I especially loved
the mushroom omelet.

You make it exactly
the same way I do.

Oh, really? Yes. You'll have
to give me the recipe sometime.

- Mary, I really need help.
- What's on your mind?

- It's not gonna be easy, Mary.
- Georgette, what is it?

It's something I can't discuss.

Well, Georgette, if you can't
discuss it, then how can I help you?

I told you it wasn't
gonna be easy.

Okay. I tell you what. Why
don't you just say it straight out?

Just... [Mouthing Words]

I have an impure thought, and
I'm ashamed of myself for having it.


When I dropped Ted off
at the airport this morning,

I wished him good
luck with his audition.

But down deep, do you
know what I was really hoping?

I was hoping he'll
fall on his keister.

Please forgive my language.
It's just the buttermilk talking.

Mary, if Ted gets
this audition...

and goes to live in New
York, he'll forget all about me.

Oh, Georgette. Uh-huh.

After two weeks there, he'll have Barbara
Walters breaking down his bedroom door.

I can't believe that.

Neither could I
when Ted told me.

Mary, what am I going to do?

Well, in the first place, you're gonna
stop feeling guilty about the way you feel.

I mean, Georgette, I've
known you for three years.

I think I can honestly say you have
never had an impure thought in your life.

And in the second place, I really don't
think you have anything to worry about.

I mean, Ted is a very...
[Clears Throat] talented man.

But New York is
highly competitive.

I don't think Ted has
a chance of making it.

With the quiz show or
with Barbara Walters?

You're on horse number
1, you're number 2,

and you, Mrs. Franklin,
are on horse number 3.

Okay, everybody, we're ready
to do the next audition tape.

- Uh, Ted Baxter?
- Yo.

Hi. How are ya? Hello. Hi.

All right, Mr. Baxter. Here are
the names of the contestants...

and some jokes which
our five writers have done.

Five writers? Wow. This
really is the big time, isn't it?


Boy, if I had jokes like this on the
news, I'd have been a star long ago.

Have you got any
questions? Uh... Oh, yes, uh...

Who decides whether or
not I get the job? I do. Why?

Oh. No reason. Just asking.

Hey, I like your jacket.

Thanks. Nice shirt. Smart tie.

Ted, you want to take
your place? Yeah, right.

Okay, places,
everybody. Great shoes.

Ted Baxter audition, take one.

Ladies and gentlemen,
it's time now to play...

50,000 Dollar Steeplechase.

And here, coming around the
home stretch and the clubhouse turn,

is your quizmaster, Ted Baxter!

[Applause] ♪♪ [Game Show Theme]

♪♪ [Ends] Hi. Hi.

I'm Ted Baxter, and welcome to
the 50,000 Dollar Steeplechase.

Now, today we're
gonna have fun, fun, fun!

Remember, this is a horse race,
so pick your favorite and root 'em in.

Get as excited as you
like. Shout. Scream.

Kiss the woman in the
next seat if you feel like it.

Of course, if it's your
wife, just shake hands.

[Laughs] Shake hands.

All right. Some of you
are gonna win a lot of cash,

so, for heaven's sake,
don't throw it away.

Who knows? Someday, it
may be worth something.

[Laughs] Shake hands.

All right. Now let's meet our
contestants before they get saddle sores.

Number one: Elliot Jensen
from Denver, Colorado.

- Let's hear it for Elliot.
- ♪♪ [Flourish]

How you doing,
Elliot? Good, Ted.

Welcome to the show, Elliot. All right
now. What do you do in Denver, Elliot?

I own a filling station,
Ted. A filling station, huh?

What a coincidence.
So does my dentist.

Nice to meet you.

Hey! Number two: Mrs. Charlotte
Gruen of Pasadena, California.

[Applause] Hi, Mrs. Gruen.

Welcome to the show.
Good to have you here.

Listen, Mrs. Gruen. It says
here that you teach swimming.

Is that right? That's right.

Well, stick around.
After the show,

maybe you and I can go
into a few dives. [Chuckles]

[Laughs] All right.
Number three:

Mrs. Joyce Franklin of
Cape Cod, Massachusetts.

Let's hear it for Mrs.
Franklin. [Applause]

How you doing, Mrs.
Franklin? Welcome aboard.

Listen, I understand you're
married to a fisherman.

Is that right? That's right.

I'll bet when you go to bed, you tell
him, "Not tonight. I have a haddock."

[Laughs] Okay,
but enough frivolity.

It's time to play 50,000
Dollar Steeplechase.

Now, on each of your
horses, you'll find a little button.

Now, as soon as you know the answer
to a question, you just press your button.

[Bell Rings]

♪♪ [Call To The Post]

[Horse Whinnies]

All right! [Laughs]

Now remember, whoever presses first
will get a chance to advance his horse.

Are we ready, contestants?

Ready. Ready.

Okay. Are we ready,
Ginger? Ready, Ted.

♪♪ ["William Tell Overture"]
All right. We're off and running.

Here's the first question.
True or false? ♪♪ [Ends]

Hubert Humphrey was once
vice president of the United States.

♪♪ [Call To The Post]

- Mrs. Gruen.
- True.

You're right!

♪♪ ["William Tell
Overture"] [Applause]

All right! Isn't this exciting?

Boy, this is really fun. Okay, now
the next question. True or false?

[Applause] All right!

Yes. Yes, you're
right, Mrs. Franklin.

It took Michelangelo four
years to paint the Sistine Chapel.

Good thing he didn't have
to use two coats of paint.

Okay, now.

Wow. We're right
down to the finish line.

How about this? It's neck and
neck. Boy, isn't this a great game?

All right now. Next question.

True or false?
Charlotte Brontë...

is the author of
Wuthering Heights.

Gosh, this is exciting.

I can't stand it.

Remember, you have only five
seconds before the gate closes.

♪♪ [Call To The Post]

All right. Mrs. Gruen
has blown her bugle.

Now, if she gives the right
answer, she wins the race.

But remember, Mrs. Gruen,
you're in a penalty situation,

which means that if you
give the wrong answer,

your horse breaks its leg
and you have to shoot it.

All right now. What is
your answer, Mrs. Gruen?

False. I think it
was Emily Brontë.

Did you say false?

- You're right! You're absolutely right!
- [Screams, Laughs]

♪♪ ["William Tell
Overture"] [Applause]

Your horsey has crossed to win
the trophy. Isn't that wonderful?

Okay. Your horse
is lucky. [Laughs]

Thank you. All right.

Thank you. Her horsey
crossed the finish line.

Thank you very much. You did a
very nice job. Oh. Thank you very much.

We still have some other people to
see. We'll be in touch with you next week.

Oh, that's all right. I
understand. No rush.

[Lights Click Off]

Right. I will. Okay. Bye.

Oh, Mary, was that call for me?

No, Ted. [Sighs]

Ted, you know, it's been almost two
weeks since you went to that audition.

Don't you think it's about time you maybe
face the fact that you didn't get the job?

I got the job,
Mary. I got the job.

Aw. I'm sorry.

Who am I kidding? I-I didn't get the
job. They'd have called me by now.

Why didn't they hire
me? I was wonderful in it.

Maybe they're anti-Semitic.

Ted, you're not Jewish.

I know, but I
didn't tell them that.

Oh. Oh.

I know why I didn't get the job.

- I just wasn't good enough.
- Oh, Ted, come on.

It's no disgrace to audition for
something and be turned down.

I'm sure that Laurence Olivier
has been turned down for things.

I didn't know he did game shows.

I thought he just
did commercials.

Oh, Mary, I wanted
to do that job so bad.

Aw, Ted, you didn't. Yes, I did.

No, you didn't. Think about it. I mean,
some of those game shows are so silly.

- The idiotic rules.
- Oh, no, Mary. It's not idiotic.

It's a wonderful game.
It's like a real horse race.

I loved that game, Mary.

But, Ted, I mean, the
contestants made to look ridiculous.

The silly costumes. Oh, no, no.

They didn't look
ridiculous at all.

They just wore little jockey
hats and sat on wooden horses.

It was all very dignified, Mary.

I'd put my own
mother on that horse.

For the right price, you'd put
your mother under a horse.

Oh, Ted.

Come on. Think about
it. Even if they picked

you for it, you wouldn't
go to New York.

You couldn't leave
us. This is your home.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

[Scoffs] What do I want
to go to New York for?

This is where my friends are...
the people that I want to be with.

People that love me,
that I love. You're right.

[Rings] Newsroom.

Yes. Just a minute. Ted!

New York. Maybe this is
my ticket out of this dump.

Hello? Yes.

What? All right. I understand.

Right. Okay. Well, thank
you very much. Good-bye.

I got the job!

I got the job! Ted!

Oh, Mary! Mary,
Mary! That's wonderful!

Murray, I got the
job! I got the job!

Lou! Lou!

Ted, why are you trying
to lift me off the ground?

I got the job, Lou. Oh. Okay.

[Laughs] I got the
job! I got the job!

Mr. Grant. Huh?

I have terrific news. I just
talked to Warren Jessup,

and his contract with Channel
6 is up at the end of this month.

He is very interested
in coming over to WJM.

Hey! That's great! That calls
for a drink. What are you having?

- Uh, scotch and soda.
- Two scotch and sodas, please.

Boy. Warren Jessup. Yeah.

He's terrific. He's about the
best anchorman around town.

I'll bet he'll really
boost our ratings.

Yeah. We could just have
Andy fill in till he's free.

Right. Warren is so bright
and personable. Mmm.

I just know, with him, we can put
on a show we'll really be proud of.

Absolutely. Here you are.

Okay. To the new WJM News.



Do you feel as rotten as I do?

Why, Mary? Why?

For seven years...
Let's be honest now...

We've all been dreaming
of the day Ted would leave.

Finally, here it is, the night of Ted's
last newscast, and we're all miserable.

Why? I know. I know. I
can't figure it out either.

You know, when I was
a little kid, I had this...

little wart on my index finger.

You had a wart?

Yeah. It really used to
embarrass me, you know. Yeah.

I never knew where
to hide my hand.

I used to put it behind my back,
stick it in my pocket, behind my head...

It really drove me crazy. Mmm.

Anyway, one morning I woke
up, and the wart was gone.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I-I know what
you're trying to say.

Right. If I didn't miss that
wart, why should I miss Ted?

Look, Mr. Grant. I know all
about Ted's shortcomings...

How he's driven us
bananas over the years.

I'm aware of all that, but...

is it possible... I mean, is it
just possible that, deep down,

underneath everything,
we really... like Ted?


All right, I admit it.

I'm gonna miss him.

Well, why don't you tell him
that? Maybe if you did, he'd stay.

Oh, I don't know what
to say to him. Just...

tell him you like him.

[Murmurs] That he's a good guy.

Tell him how lonely and empty...

the newsroom is
gonna seem without him.


Maybe you're right, Mary.

Maybe I should talk to him.

Okay. Okay.

Why don't you go on
upstairs. I'll just finish my drink.


You know, funny,
isn't it? [Chuckles]

Who ever thought I'd be pleading
with Ted Baxter to stay on at WJM?

[Grunts] I-I guess he's not
the world's worst anchorman.

I mean, he's no Walter Cronkite, no
John Chancellor, no Harry Reasoner.

But he's got something that
they don't have... unpredictability.

Oh, sure, you know
when you watch him...

that he's gonna put
his foot in his mouth.

But the thing you can
never figure out is...

how he's gonna get the
other one in there with it.

[Mouths Words]

So, this is Ted Baxter
saying good night,

good news and good-bye.

Gee. Ted Baxter's
last newscast for WJM.

Yeah. Oh, hi, Georgette.

Hi, Mary. What you got there?

I have to bring it
down to Ted's car.

It's some things he wants
to take to New York...

to remind him of all the
wonderful times he had here.

Oh, how nice. You know, things
like pictures, letters, awards.


Pencils, paper
clips, ballpoint pens,

lightbulbs. I guess I got
everything, Georgette.

Uh, you wanna
put this in there too?

Okay, Ted. I'll meet
you down in the car.

Okay. Bye, Mary. Bye, Murray.

[Murray] Bye, Georgette.

[Sighs] Well, this is it.

Ted Baxter's farewell.

But unlike General Douglas
MacArthur, I shall not return.

Gee, Ted, the folks on Bataan are
really gonna be choked up about that.

Well, I... I better get going.

Georgette's waiting
for me. Well, aren't you

gonna stay and say
good-bye to Mr. Grant?

I got too many things to do.
I'll just call him from the airport.


I just want you to know I appreciate
everything you've done for me.

'Cause the words you
wrote made me what I am.

Gee, Ted. I
feel... four feet tall.


Oh, Ted.

Good-bye, guys.


Stay. What?

What did you say, Lou?

Lou? Did... Did
you say something?

Yeah. I said stay.

Gee. That's one of the nicest
things anyone ever said to me.

I'd like to stay, Lou. I-I love it
here, but... but this is my big chance.

For what, Ted?

So you can go to New York
and become a quizmaster?

Is that what you want people to
say when you walk down the street?

"There goes Ted Baxter.
He's a quizmaster."

[Chuckles] It's
not that bad, Lou.

Just the way you say it makes
it sound terrible. Oh, yeah?

Then you say it, Ted. Say,
"Ted Baxter is... a quizmaster."

Ted Baxter is... a quizmaster.

You see?

Ted, you have to do
what you think best.

But I want you to know that
I will always think of you...

as a newsman.

You mean that, Lou?

You always served the
people by broadcasting

the truth. You should
be proud of that.

Oh, sure, there are lots of other jobs
that pay more, that are less demanding.

But they contribute nothing toward
the public's well-being or understanding.

A newsman's life has meaning.

You were following in the tradition
of men like Charles Collingwood,

Elmer Davis and
Edward R. Murrow.

There's no finer way a man
can spend his life than that.

Ted, you were part...

of a great profession.

You were something...
very special.

Something... very, very special.

You were a newsman.


Can I use your phone, Lou?


Mr. Hillman, please.

Hello, Mr. Hillman?

Uh, this is Ted
Baxter, Minneapolis.

I... wanna thank you
for offering me the job,

but I've been thinking it
over, and I've decided that I...

wanna stay here in the newsroom.

What? Really?

He's offering me
another $200 a week, Lou.

You're a newsman, Ted. Yeah.

A newsman. Mr. Hillman,
listen. I'm sorry.

It has nothing to do with money.

[Choking] Well...
Another $500 a week, Lou.

A newsman, Ted.

[Crying, Whimpering]

I'm sorry, Mr. Hillman.


$750, Lou.

[Whispers] A newsman.

A newsman.


Mr. Hillman, I'm sorry.

I've made up my mind.

Good-Good luck on your show.

Thanks a lot. Good-bye.

[Exhales, Whimpers]

[Exhales] I'm a newsman,
aren't I, Lou? A newsman?

Yes, Ted. You're a newsman.

And a darn good one too.

I never said that.

[Ted On TV] An international
incident was narrowly averted today...

when a Russian fishing
vessel agreed to withdraw...

from Norwegian
territorial waters.

Speaking of fish,

I'll bet when the captain of that
Russian vessel goes to bed tonight,

his wife is gonna tell him,
"Not tonight. I have a haddock."