Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 6, Episode 2 - Mary Moves Out - full transcript

After receiving a letter from Phyllis in San Francisco telling of her new life, Mary feels like she's in a predictable rut as she has nothing new to report back to Phyllis. To get out of her rut, Mary even contemplates leaving WJM news despite loving her job. Mary's complaining about her life starts to get all her friends feeling depressed. Ultimately it is some not so advice from Ted that gets Mary thinking about what she needs to do. When she makes what she believes is an exciting change, she has to do one thing on her own to make it a "Mary" reality. Meanwhile, Georgette is planning on taking a vacation to Rome, about which Ted isn't too happy.

♪ Who can turn the
world on with her smile ♪

♪ Who can take a nothing day ♪

♪ And suddenly make
it all seem worthwhile ♪

♪ Well, it's you, girl
and you should know it ♪

♪ With each glance and every
little movement you show it ♪

♪ Love is all around
No need to waste it ♪

♪ You can have the town
Why don't you take it ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪♪

Where do the asparagus tips go?

Oh, Georgette, why don't
you leave that till later? I'll do it.

It's okay, Mary. I
do it every Saturday.

I know where everything goes except
asparagus tips. You never buy those.

Oh, yeah. Well, every couple of years,
I pick up a can to see if I still hate 'em.

That's what I like about you,
Mary. You're so fair minded.

Hey. I got a letter from
Phyllis in San Francisco.

I really miss Phyllis.

Of course, I never knew her
very well. Maybe that helps.

Oh, boy.

[Laughs] Typical Phyllis.

This house sure seems empty
with both Rhoda and Phyllis gone.

When I used to drop in for a visit,
there was always someone here I knew.

If you leave, I may have to
stop coming here altogether.


Oh, boy. Good old,
Phyllis. She says, last

week, she went swimming
with a bunch of seals.

She must really miss Lars.


Wow. She says she's got a
job, she's making new friends,

and she's dying to find
out what's new with me.

- Oh, boy.
- Wait till she hears about
the asparagus tips.

Gee, is that depressing? It
was bad enough with just Rhoda.

Now I've got two friends
telling me about their new lives,

their new jobs, new friends.

And here I am...
With old Georgette.

Oh, no, Georgette.
I didn't mean that.

You and I are in the same boat.
We're both still doing the same things.

I'm not, Mary. I'm
going to school at night.

I'm learning to speak Italian.

Hey, Georgette, that's
terrific. Why Italian?

Because on my vacation,
I'm going to Rome.

It's a place I've
always wanted to go,

ever since I saw a picture
of it on a Jerry Vale album.

Oh, Georgette, that's
sensational. I know.

Ted's furious. He's
afraid I'll come back...

earthy and voluptuous
and full of pinch marks.

Well, I have to go do
my homework, Mary.

- Arrivederci.
- Bye.

And don't worry, Mary. I
don't think you're in a rut.

No, Georgette. Wait. I
didn't say I was in a rut.

I mean, I just said that,
compared to some of my friends,

my life hasn't changed that
much, but I never said I was in a rut.

That's what I said,
Mary. You're not in a rut.

Yeah. Well, if you don't think I'm
in a rut and I don't think I'm in a rut,

why are we both standing here
discussing whether or not I'm in a rut?

I don't know.

But at least it gave you something
different to do for a change. Bye.

Yeah, well, it's true, Murr.

I mean, everything in
my life is so... predictable.

Ah, take it easy, Mar. See,
like... I knew you were gonna say...

You always say,
"Take it easy, Mar."

Well, what do you expect? You've
been carrying on ever since you came in.

You didn't even ask me how
my weekend was. [Laughs]

Don't you see, Murr? I always ask
you how your weekend was on Monday.

I know. And it's nice to have
someone take an interest.

[Sighs] How was
your weekend, Murr?

The usual.

I mean it, Murr. Everything
in this newsroom is just...

the same, day in, day out.

For example, it's
Monday, so Mr. Grant will

walk in the door with
a terrible hangover...

and say he wants
to be left alone.

Good morning, Mr. Grant.
Mary, I don't wanna see anyone.

So big deal? Who
wants to see him anyway?

She does. "Morning,
people." Morning, people.

Hey, this is getting spooky.
And she'll ignore what I tell her.

- Mary, is Lou in his office?
- Yes, he is, but he doesn't
want to be disturbed.

Thank you, dear.

Hi, guys. Hi, Ted.

Say, listen, Mary...
If anyone wants you,

you'll be in your dressing room with
Georgette answering your fan mail.

- Mary, you interrupted me.
- Oh, sorry, Ted.

[Clears Throat] It's all right. What I was
gonna say was... exactly what you said.

Exactly. And I, of course, will
say there is no fan mail today.

You'll say, "Why not?" And Murray
will say some kind of joke like,

"Because your fan died, Ted."

I don't have to
take that from you.

And pretty soon,
Georgette will come in...

Wait a minute. This
is easy. I can do it too.

Georgette will come in and
say, "Good morning, everybody."

Buongiorno a tutti.

Everybody, Lou was so excited
about my wonderful news,

and I know you all will be too.

I have just been offered my
own fried chicken franchise.

Isn't that glorious?

By the end of next
summer, people in 26 cities

will be able to look
out their windows...

and see Sue Ann's big
pink bucket in the sky.

Well, there's
something new for you.

Come on. It's happening
to her and not to me.

Oh, come on, Mary. Everybody
feels in a rut now and then.

- Why don't you go talk to Lou?
- Because that's what
I always do.

I always talk to Mr. Grant.
It's part of my rut.

Well, this time, I'm not
gonna talk to Mr. Grant.

[Lou] What?

Mr. Grant, could I talk
to you for a minute?

Mary, did you ever feel so rotten
that you'd have to rally to die?

Um, no. No, I
haven't. Mr. Grant...

They oughta raise the
legal drinking age to 70.

Yes, sir.

Mr. Grant, I'm
bored with my job.

[Groans] Mary, don't play games
with me. I don't feel like games.

You want a raise, just
come out and say it.

Oh, no. No, Mr. Grant.
It's not the money.

Good, because you're not getting
another raise. We can't afford it.

No, the salary is
fine, Mr. Grant. It's...

It's my life that bores me.

Your life bores you?

Well, I realize that sounds like
a dumb thing to say. [Groans]

It's just that I've
done it all before.

I come to the
newsroom, I do my job.

Which is a good job. I realize
that. I'm not saying that it's not.

You're not getting
a raise, Mary.

It's just that maybe I've
been a newswoman long

enough. Maybe it's time
to try something else.

- How big a raise
you trying for?
- I'm not, Mr. Grant. I'm...

I'm just saying that if I left
WJM and tried something new,

I might find I really like it.

No, I wouldn't like it.

Being in television
news is what I've always

wanted to do all my life,
and I'm very happy here.

I've been talking like an idiot.

Thank you for being so
understanding and patient.

All right. Ten bucks
more a week, but that's it.

Morning, Murray.
Oh, morning, Ted.

Hey, Murray. Can I ask you a
question? Yeah. Go ahead, Ted.

Okay, here's the problem.

Let's assume that you've had...

a long and satisfactory relationship
with a member of the opposite sex.

Suddenly, she decides she has to
leave the country. What would you think?

I don't know, Ted. Did
Georgette get you in trouble?

Come on, Murray. Be serious.

I mean, why does she
wanna go to Rome?

I mean, what has Rome
got that's so special?

Lots of things, Ted. For
instance, the Colosseum.

No. Georgette hates sports.

I know why she wants to go to
Rome. I've seen those movies.

Oh, what kind of movies? La
Dolce Vita... that kind of movies.

I know what they
do in Rome all day...

Orgies, with whips and midgets.

I don't believe
this conversation.

Ted, Rome is the
Eternal City. Since when?

I'm telling you, Murray. This
is what comes of women's lib.

They're all going crazy these days. You
don't know what they're gonna do next.

Good morning,
everybody. Hi, Murr. Hi, Ted.

Wow. What a day, huh?
Just enough zip in the

air to make you really
wanna get to work.

So what's new?

Nothing. No.

- What were you guys
just talking about?
- [Both] Rome.

Oh. Well, that's not new.

Old. Ancient. Very old.

[Clears Throat]

Morning, Mr. Grant.

[Chuckles] Hi.

- Well, what do you think?
- About what?

About my hair.
Come on, you guys.

Blonde, isn't it?

Uh, Mary, I'll tell
you what I think.

I think it looks
absolutely fantastic.

Mary, you never looked
better in your whole life.

And you know something else? It
proves something very important.

It proves you're not in a rut.

Because nobody in a rut would ever have
the guts to dye their hair like you did.

[Ted] Hear! Hear!

Thank God! Whew.

Now, Mary, you
mustn't feel depressed.

Everyone feels in a
rut from time to time.

Even I do.

And if I can be
bored with my life,

Lord knows how you
must feel about yours.

You know, dear, the first thing we're going
to have to do is decorate your apartment.

You mean, redecorate.

Oh. You mean it's
been done before?

Well, don't feel bad. I
mean, what can one expect...

when one rents a
furnished apartment?

Sue Ann, all of the
furniture here is mine.

I knew that, Mary. I was just
trying to give you a graceful way out.

You see, dear, an apartment should express
the personality of whoever lives there.

Well, take mine, for example.
The minute you walk in,

the decor says "Sue Ann Nivens."

Right. Early American.

Poor Mary.

Poor dear, sweet, adorable Mary.

If it makes you feel better to spew
forth your filthy venom, go right ahead.

[Doorbell Buzzes]

Hi, Mary. Hi.

Well, well. What
brings you two here?

We decided to stop
by to cheer you up.

But I hope you're not too gloomy,
because we can only stay a few minutes.

She's gonna decorate
her apartment. Aren't we?

Well, I don't know if
I'm gonna redecorate.

Maybe move a few things around.

Good idea. We'll all pitch in.

Except me. I'm not
lifting things. All right, Ted.

I could lie and say
I've got a bad back.

But I don't. I just
don't feel like lifting.

All right, Ted.

He really does have a bad back,
Mary, but he hates to admit it.

He thinks it's more
manly to be rude.

Mary, to begin with, let's put
this couch someplace else.

All right. Someone
wanna give me a hand?

- I will, Mary.
- I'll guide you.

Bring it around. Watch it. Don't
hurt yourselves. Take it easy.

Girls, I have a
work tip for you.

Sailors and men
on chain gangs...

often sing when doing
heavy work to keep a rhythm.

Did you ever know
anyone on a chain gang?

No, dear.

But I have known
my share of sailors.

You know something?
This isn't helping.

You mean we broke
our backs for nothing?

No. I mean it's not my
furniture that needs rearranging.

It's my life. My life is dull.

How do I change that?

You wanna change your life, Mary?
I'll tell you how to change your life.

I've known you for six years now. I
know exactly what's wrong with your life.

You wake up. You eat breakfast.

You drive to work. You
say hello to your friends.

You work at your job.

You go to lunch.
You work some more.

You say good-bye to your
friends. You drive home.

You have dinner. You sit down.

You watch television.

You read a magazine,
and you go to sleep.

Am I right?

If you wanna change
your life completely, this

is what you've gotta
do starting tomorrow.

Wake up! Eat your breakfast!

Drive to work! Say
hello to your friends!

Work at your job. Go to
lunch. Work some more!

Say good-bye to your
friends. Drive home.

Have dinner. Sit
down. Watch television.

Read a magazine!
And go to sleep.

You know something?

Ted, that was absolutely
wonderful. I mean, it was profound.

And you're absolutely right. It's
not what you do. It's how you do it.

No, no, no, Mary.
That's not what I said.

What I said was...

Wake up! Eat your breakfast!

Drive to work!

Morning, Murray. Oh, hiya, Lou.

What are you doing? I'm just trying to find
the most interesting item to put on top,

so Mary'll have something, you
know, exciting to start her day.

Murray, we don't run this newsroom for
the purpose of keeping Mary entertained.

We're all professionals here.

We have jobs to do... exciting
or dull... and we do them.

We don't have time for games.
What do you think of that?

It's nice. Uh, what
does the card say?

It says:

"Dear Mary, Thanks
for everything.

From the Hells Angels."

That oughta give her a laugh.

Morning, people. [Both] Hi.

Ooh, what beautiful flowers.

Is it Mary's birthday,
or did somebody die?


We just wanted to brighten
up the office a little for Mary.

- She's been kinda
depressed lately.
- Oh.

Flowers aren't what Mary needs.

I know what Mary needs.

What? What Mary needs is a man.

What are you talking about?
She goes out with plenty of men.

I'm not talking plenty of
men. I'm talking plenty of man.

A different kind of man than
Mary has ever known before...

One who would bring
out the animal in her.

Anybody ever bring out
the animal in you, Sue Ann?

If they did, it probably
turned out to be a rabbit.

Well, believe me, people. What
Mary needs is someone virile,

someone dominant,
someone totally masculine.

Someone who will
sweep her off her feet...

and carry her away in his arms.

Sorry, I don't lift things.

Hey, you know
something? I just figured out

why we're having
trouble convincing Mary...

that life in this
newsroom isn't boring.

It's because it is boring.

It is? Yeah. I mean, I'm bored.

What do I do all day?

I go in there and I take the
news out of that doohinkey.

And then I rewrite
it on this doohinkey.

And then I turn on
that doohinkey...

and watch it come
out of that doohinkey.

You know, I know just
how you feel, Murray.

Oh, sure. When I first
began as a news announcer,

I felt kind of important that I was telling
the people that a war was declared...

or a town was flooded or a
murder had been committed.

But then I realized... I was
just reporting these events.

I couldn't take credit for them.

I mean, an idiot
could do what I do.

I'm so bored, I'm just
gonna let that pass.

I know. I know.

Oh, some people think my life is a
mad whirl. But let me tell you something.

Doing a cooking show
can drive you up the wall.

This week, I'm doing
my tribute to the egg.

I've boiled eggs, fried eggs,

scrambled eggs, coddled eggs.

I've... I've done eggs Benedict,
eggs Florentine, eggs diablo.

I'm going crazy.

I mean, how many things
can you do with an egg?

Especially during
the family hour.


Let's face it.

Life is a bore.

You're born, you die,

and everything in
between is nothing but filler.

Hey, everybody. I've got wonderful
news. Wonderful and exciting news.

I have finally, finally
made a change in my life.

I'm moving to a new apartment.

And it's fantastic. It's
got a swimming pool

and a tennis court,
and it's just beautiful.

I am moving! Isn't that great?

Yeah, that's great. Yeah.

Well, uh, here we
are, Miss Richards.

Uh, here's your keys. I... I hope you're
gonna like it here. Oh, I'm sure I will.

Now, if there's anything you
need... I mean, if you're in trouble...

Don't hesitate to call me.

I'm always around,
except Sunday.

That's when I take my
wife to visit her mother.

It's usually 6:00 or 7:00 before
we get back from the cemetery.

Her mother's dead.

Yeah, I sort of figured.

I'd appreciate it if
you'd try not to call me...

between 2:00 and 4:00
in the afternoon. All right.

That's when I take
my nap. Uh-huh.

Of course, if it's an
emergency, that's different.

Well, what would you
consider an emergency?

Well, remember when the
Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor?

- Uh-huh.
- Well, that was close.


[Doorbell Rings]

Hi there.

- Say, you're new, aren't you?
- Yes, I am.

Uh, my name is
Gordon. Jim Gordon.

I live two flights up. Uh-huh.

Uh, the Muzak was
playing in the elevator...

and I didn't have
anybody to dance with.

[Laughing Loudly]
[Chuckling Quietly]

Say, uh, listen.

They're opening a brand-new
restaurant across the street.

Why don't you come
and have a little dinner

with me? It's a great
way to get acquainted.

- Um, look, Mr. Gordon...
- Uh, Jimbo.


Uh, don't take this personally,
but before I moved in here,

I specifically asked if
this was a singles' place.

- I didn't want that.
- Who's single?

Uh, say, you haven't
told me your name.

That's right.

I have an awful lot of
unpacking to do, so...

You need any help? No, I don't.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
I bet I can guess your name.

It's Marilyn, right? No.

- Maxine?
- No.

Mavis? No. Uh-uh.

M-Marta? No. If you'll
please excuse me.

Uh, uh, Molly? Mona? No. Mm-mmm.

Mommy? Madeline?



[Doorbell Rings]

Who is it? It's Lou.

[All] Surprise!

We thought we'd give you a
little housewarming. Mr. Grant.

Sue Ann! Oh, Mary!

Hiya, Mar. Murray. Georgette.

Hi there. Ted. Jimbo.


You guys! Hey, it's a
great apartment, Mar.

Isn't it? Yeah. We thought we'd
celebrate by having a little drink...

and then taking you out
to dinner. Oh, how nice.

Mary, I love your apartment.

Che bellezza!

That means... Who cares?

Hey, what a great balcony. You
could sunbathe in the nude out there.

Well, I don't think so, Ted. There's a
whole building full of people right there.

So you'll do it at night.

Nice kitchen. Nice.

You got your stove
here, your icebox here...

and your garbage disposal there.

Gee, I'm disillusioned. Somehow, I
never pictured Mary as having garbage.

Oh. Mary, you have another room.

Yes, I have my very own bedroom.

You don't how tired I was getting of
opening and closing that convertible sofa.

Now I've got my own
bedroom. It's so exciting.

Oh, if you think it's exciting now,
wait till you get a bed in there.

Hey, let's have the champagne.

Well, I hope you brought
glasses. My stuff hasn't arrived.

Oh, yeah. All right,
I'll tell you what.

We'll go to dinner.
While we're out, we'll pick

up some glasses and
have a drink afterwards.

Okay, great. Look, I tell you.

Why don't you guys go ahead
downstairs? I'll meet you there.

There's just, uh,
somethin' I wanna do alone.

[Ted] Okay, great apartment. Great
apartment, Mary. Good luck, Mar.

Just love it. It's a great
place. Really. Great.

I just love what you've
done with it, Mary.

Everything okay?

Oh, yeah.

I just, uh, wanna get the feel of my
new place alone for a few minutes.

I understand.

[Door Closes]


I... don't like it.

Boy, that was a
great dinner. Mmm.

And I must say, Georgette,
I was really impressed...

with the way you gave the
entire order to that waiter in Italian.

Yeah. Wong Li Chin
was pretty impressed too.

You feeling better about
the apartment now, Mary?

Oh, yeah. Much better.

I guess it's only natural
to move into a new place...

and feel that way
about your old place.

I remember I felt that way about my old
place when I moved from my old, old place.

But with all you guys here, it's
beginning to feel like home already.

Amid pleasures and palaces...

- Wherever you may roam...
- Be it ever so humble...

Here's to Mary's new apartment.