Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 6, Episode 17 - The Seminar - full transcript

Lou has decided to take Mary with him on a business trip to Washington DC to attend a two-day politics and the press seminar. Lou is excited to be able to show Mary a good time with all his old contacts from his days covering the Capitol Hill beat for the Detroit Free Press. As this trip marks Mary's first time in the nation's capital, she's excited to experience it the way Lou talks about it. Mary makes her own contacts at the seminar, they who want to take her and Lou to events where some of the most important people in national and international politics will be in attendance. But Lou, certain that his old friends will call, wants to wait for what he considers a better offer. While Mary ultimately goes off without Lou, all she can think about is that he is all alone in his hotel room waiting for people who won't call. Or will they? Meanwhile, much to Murray's dismay, Lou has appointed Ted in charge during his absence. Ted wants solely to be a figurehead boss, but comes to the realization that someone has to make important decisions while Lou is away.

♪ Who can turn the
world on with her smile ♪

♪ Who can take a nothing day ♪

♪ And suddenly make
it all seem worthwhile ♪

♪ Well, it's you, girl
and you should know it ♪

♪ With each glance and every
little movement you show it ♪

♪ Love is all around
No need to waste it ♪

♪ You can have the town
Why don't you take it ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪♪

Good morning, Mary.
Morning, Mr. Grant.

Know what I got here?

Two plane tickets.

- One has my name on it,
and one has your name on it.
- Wh-Where are we going?

[Imitating Announcer] Mary
Richards, you are going to...

You are going to-o-o...

Mr. Grant, have you been watching
a lot of daytime quiz shows? What?

Mary, what is your favorite
city in the entire world?

Paris. We're going to Paris?

Nah, nah, nah.

We're not... We're not
goin' to Paris. Um, uh...

What's your favorite
city in America?

- San Francisco!
- No, no, no.

- In the East. The East.
- In the East. Uh, New York.

- Nah. Mm-mmm.
- Philadelphia? Boston?

Washington, D.C.!
Washington, D.C.

Yeah, that's it. My favorite
city in the whole world.

When? Why? How?
We're going this weekend.

It's a special seminar
on politics and the press.

Now they asked me to take two people from
the station, so I'm picking you and me.

Oh, Mr. Grant, thank you.
That's wonderful. Yeah, yeah.

Washington, D.C. It's quite a
place. It's my old beat, you know.

Hey, that's right. Yeah, yeah. I
covered D.C. for the Detroit Free Press.

Spent three years there.
Got a million friends.

Important people too. I mean, the kind of
people that make a town like that tick...

Congressmen, senators,
judges, bartenders.

Oh, Mr. Grant, it's
wonderful, just wonderful.

What's so wonderful?

Oh, Mr. Grant and I are going
to Washington, D.C., on a junket.

I didn't know you
could get there by boat.

No, Ted. It's a press seminar.

- A freebie?
- Yeah.

Well, don't pack yet, Mary. We'll
see who's going to Washington.

Ted, you're supposed to knock.
You broke your promise, Lou.

What are you talkin' about? You know what
I'm talkin' about. You broke your promise.

You said the next time
there was a free trip,

I'd get to go, and you
broke your promise.

Lou, in the seven years that I've
known you, you may have humiliated me,

you may have ridiculed
me, you may have screamed

at me, you may have
cursed at me, but...

[Voice Breaking] you never
broke your promise, Lou.

What's the matter, Lou?
Don't you like me anymore?

[Chuckling] Oh, c-come on.


Ted. Ted!

Aw, it's you.

You... You... [Chuckles]

[Quietly] You...

You know I wouldn't break a promise
to you unless I had a very good reason.

Well, there isn't a reason
good enough. There's not?

Well, I can't think of any.

Unless, if you'd go away, you
needed somebody responsible,

level-headed, experienced,
capable and brilliant...

to take charge of the newsroom,

and you... you can't
turn to anybody but me.

- Is... Is that it, Lou?
- Uh, well, maybe.

What do you mean maybe? Is it the reason,
or isn't it? Yeah, yeah. You're right.

That's the reason. Yeah. Well,
that's... that's a very good reason.

[Muttering, Groans]
That's a good reason, Lou.

You want to make
me... a producer.

[Groans Quietly] Oh...
God bless you, Lou.

Hey, how about that?

Ted Baxter with the
Six O'Clock News,

starring Ted Baxter,

produced by Ted Baxter.

Come on, Lou. You gotta tell Murray
that you're putting me in charge.

Uh, yeah, yeah. Yeah,
yeah, I-I'll tell him later.

Tell him now, Lou. He
won't believe me. No.

You tell him, and
I'll watch his face.

[Typing] [Murmuring]

[Typing Continues]

- Uh, say... say, Murray.
- Yeah, Lou.

Ted's in charge.

Uh, what's that, Lou? I'm
sorry. I didn't hear what you said.

Louder, Lou.

Ted's in charge of the
news while we're away.

Ted who?

Oh. Oh, no. Hey,
Lou, you're not serious.

[Whispers] I had to! Lou! Why?

That's the face I wanted to see.

Found my old contact book.

We are going to
be wined and wined.

Oh, really, huh? Ah.
Don't worry about a thing.

You're gonna have the most
exciting two days of your life.

- Well, Murray,
we're on our way.
- Bye-bye, Murr. Good luck.

Bye, Mary. Good-bye, Lou.

Aren't you gonna
wish us a nice trip?


He's still upset about Ted.

Upset? Not at all.

It's amazing how calm one
gets when the end is near.

Murr. Bye.

[Lou] Bye-bye.

[Clears Throat]

[Clears Throat] May I
have your attention, please?

[Typing Quickly]

[Slows, Stops]

I know what a difficult
time this is for everyone.

Nobody was closer to
Lou and Mary than I was.

Rest assured, the torch has been passed,
the banner's been lifted from the dust,

and the ship of state is
back on its course once again.

And the clowns are
running the circus.

Hold your thought, Murray.

Now, as your leader, you'll find
that I'm firm but understanding.

You'll learn to love me and
lay down your life for me.

Carry on. He didn't say
you could use his office.

Didn't say I couldn't.

[Knocking] It's open.

Hi. Hi.

Okay. Our first night in
Washington. What are we gonna do?

I'm not sure yet.

Hasn't anybody returned any of your
calls? No, no, but... but they're gonna.

Don't worry. Don't worry. Anyway, I
was with you at the seminar all day.

They probably already
called, and I missed 'em.

Sure. They'll probably
call while we're out

to dinner, then we can
check when we get back.

- So, what restaurant
shall we go to?
- R-Restaurant?

Mary, you can go to a
restaurant in any city in the world.

Look. There are probably five terrific
parties goin' on in Washington tonight.

Now I've got some feelers out, and
we're just gonna wait until they call.

We're just... gonna wait here?

Well, this is where the
calls are gonna come.

Oh, but, Mr. Grant, I've never
been to Washington before.

It's my first night in the
capital. I'd like to see some of it.

Mary, don't worry. You're
gonna see all of it. Trust me.

[Phone Rings] Eh?
See what I mean?

Where will it be? Hickory Hill?

Georgetown? Ooh! [Chuckles]

Let us see.

Lou Grant here.

Uh, yeah, she is. Uh-huh.

- Yeah. Somebody for you.
- Oh. I asked them
to transfer any calls.

Yeah, well, try not to tie up the line
for too long. Hello? [Clears Throat]

Yes. Sure, I remember
you... At the reception.

The tall one with
all the ribbons.

Oh. Uh, just a minute.
Uh, let me just see.

Hang on. Mr. Grant. Hmm?

How would you like to go to a
party at the French embassy?

Embassy party? We're gonna
do a lot better than that. [Laughs]

Well, uh, thank you very much,

but we're gonna, uh,
be having other plans.

Yeah. But thanks anyway. Bye.

[Handset Settles In Cradle]
Never been to an embassy party.

They're dull.

Anyway, every guy
in town uses that line:

"Would you like to go to a party at the
French embassy?" [Imitates Chuckle]

- Who was that?
- The ambassador.

Well, some guys have it
down better than others.

Mary, you won't be sorry.

Trust me. Just wait till
my stuff starts comin' in.

[Phone Rings] Ah!
Yep. That's the one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lou Grant.

[Whimpers Quietly]

Uh, yeah. Just a minute.

What'd you do, write your
number on a wall someplace?


Oh, hi. Yeah. Sure, I
remember you, Phil.

Well, I don't know. Uh, we
may have plans later on. Why?

Uh-huh. Wh-Where are you now?

Okay! Listen. Why don't you
come up, and we'll talk about it.

Room 741. Okay. Bye.

What do you think this is, a bus
depot? You invite anybody up who calls?

Mr. Grant, I met him at the seminar,
and he wants to take us to dinner.

Oh, please, Mr. Grant, just
dinner, then we'll come right back,

we'll collect all your messages,
and we'll decide what to do then.

No. No. No, no, no. They'll
call here while I'm out.

And then I'll call them
back, and they'll be out.

Now we're only gonna be here
two days, and I don't want to miss it.

All right, look. Look, it's
your first night in Washington.

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna make reservations
for you and your friend...

at the best restaurant in town.

Oh, Mr. Grant.
You're gonna go...

to the Sans Souci...

That's French for
"without souci." [Laughs]

This is the place in
Washington where everybody

who is anybody goes
to be seen. Hello.

I would like a
reservation for two...

at 9:00 tonight, please.

Oh? Are you sure you
can't fit my party in...

Lou Grant? Huh?

Hey, look.

Is, uh, Maurice, the
headwaiter, still working there?


Ten years ago?


I guess he died without
mentioning how close we were.

Yeah. All right.
Yeah. Thank you.

Maurice died.

And you're worried about having
a good time tonight. [Knocking]

Aw, Maurice.

Hi, Mary. How are you? Phil.

Hi. Come on in. Thank you.

Uh, Congressman Phil Whitman,
I'd like you to meet Lou Grant.

How are you, Lou? Oh, hi.

We discovered we're neighbors:
Minnesota, Iowa. Oh, yeah.

Good to meet you, Congressman
Whitman. Call him Phil.

He's supposed to tell
me that. Call me Phil.

Well, anybody, uh...
Anybody hungry?

Starved. Good.

Uh, look, I'm expecting
some important calls, Phil.

Uh, why don't you and Mary
just go and have a good time.

Oh. That's too bad.

Well, I'll, uh, just make
reservations for us.

And, Mary, where, um... where would
you like to go? Oh, any place you say.

How about, uh, Sans Souci?

Oh, no. We can't
go there. Why not?

Well, Mr. Grant tried to get
reservations earlier. They're full.

Oh. Well, no. Sometimes you
just have to be, uh, a little persistent.

Mr. Grant was persistent.
No, I wasn't persistent.

Oh, Mr. Grant, I thought you were
very persistent. I wasn't persistent, Mary.

Hello, Gregory. Phil Whitman.
Oh, fine, thank you. How are you?

Uh, listen. I'd like dinner
reservations for two at 8:30, please.

- Right. Thank you very much.
- [Handset Settles
In Cradle]

Oh, sure, 8:30. I
was tryin' for 9:00.

[Knocking] Who is it?

[Mary] Are you decent?
Yeah, the orgy's over.

Hi. Hi.

All set for the seminar? Yeah.


How'd it go last night? Any
of your friends call back?


I don't know. I, uh... I dozed
off. Uh, how'd it go with you?

Oh, dull. It was a dull evening.

Dull people, dull conversation.
[Quietly] Yeah, yeah.

And I lost all that sleep, you
know, got in very late. Yeah.

But listen. Phil asked us to a party
at the State Department tonight,

and I think it would be
really fun if you came along.

Oh, Mary, if Phil wants to
come along, he can join us here.

You're just gonna sit here
again, wait for the phone to ring?

Well, sometimes you have to wait around
like that if you want a really good time.

You didn't listen to me last
night, and you had a dull evening.

I lied.

What? I didn't
have a dull evening.

Mr. Grant, I had one of the
most exciting evenings of my life.

What could be so
exciting in a restaurant?

Well, we sat next to
the secretary of state.

Yeah. And Phil knows him.
He introduced him to me.

And then after that, we went to a couple of
parties with some legislative assistants.

Oh, Mr. Grant, it was wonderful. And
then we drove all around Washington.

And you call that a good time?

Well, I think it's certainly on a
par with watching your phone.

Y-Y-You just do what you want.

I'm gonna stay here and wait
for my buddies to come through.

Mr. Grant, you haven't
worked here in 10 years.

I don't think any of those people
are gonna call you. I didn't...

No, I... I didn't want to say
that. I just... It just blurted out.

Because I want you to come with us
tonight so you can have a really good time.

You don't think
anybody's gonna call, huh?

Poor old Lou Grant. A
little funny in the head.

Oh, no. Huh? Goin'
back to those past glories.

Doesn't realize time
has passed him by. No...

A little cuckoo, huh, Mary? Mr. Grant,
I don't think you're a little cuckoo.

In a couple of weeks, I'll be sitting
on the curb with water in my shoes.

Water in your shoes. Uh...

You just listen to me, Mary.

Those people are gonna call.

I know it, and I bet, deep
down, you know it too, don't you?


You don't take that long and say yes.
You take that long, and it means no.

What you just gave me was a
mercy yes. I don't need that kind of yes.

I don't need that kind
of yes, just a simple

answer. Are you
stickin' with me or not?

Oh, boy, you're making
this so hard for me. Tough.

Mr. Grant, you know how
fond I am of you. Yeah, yeah.

Last night, all I could
think about was you

sitting up here in your
room alone like a jerk.

I'm sorry, but I just
think it would be unfair

to me to ruin my only
weekend in Washington...

just 'cause you're too
stubborn to have a good time!

I should have brought Ted.

I will never
forgive you for that.


Hey, I'll, uh...
I'll check that.


How do you like it?

I suggest you check
the spelling of "Australia."

This story is about Austria.

Well, then... Leave it then.


Isn't it ironic, Murray?

Lou just called from Washington.
He's having a lousy time, but look at us.

We've never had so
much fun! [Phone Rings]

Telephone, Murray. Murray,
telephone! [Continues Ringing]

I'm busy, Ted. Producers
don't answer phones.

Baxter, WJM News.

Oh, hiya, Ken. How you been,
fella? Nice to hear from you.

- Who's Ken?
- He's the head
of our film crew.

Hey, Ken, when am I gonna get to
meet that wife of yours? [Chuckles]

Well, if you ever
get married then.

- Ted.
- Look, Ken. Don't rush into marriage.

I mean, why buy the cow when you're getting
enough free ice cream to choke a horse?

- Hey, hey, hey. Keep your head, Ken.
- Look, what does he want, Ted?

Ken sure talks fast, doesn't
he? What's happened, Ted?

I don't know. He's so
excited, I can't make

heads or tails of it.
Somethin' about a fire.

Hello, Ken. Hey, this is Murray.

Yeah, uh, what's up?

Oh, I see. Well, look, uh, just sit tight
and don't worry, and I'll get back to you.

Right. What is it, Murray?

There's a four-alarm
fire right next to a

dynamite factory. Get
a film crew out there!

There's also a robbery
going on at Commonwealth

Bank on Fourth. They've
got three hostages.

- Get a film crew out there.
- Oh, Ted, we only have
one film crew.

- Well, which one should I send
the film crew to?
- The only thing to do is...



You're the producer.
[Pencil Clatters]



Uh... Uh, send it to
the robbery. Okay.

Uh, no. Make it the fire.
No, make it the robbery.

Fire, robbery. Fire, robbery. If
I guess it right, will you tell me?

I don't want any help.
Uh, send it to the fire.

- Good, Ted. That means
we lose the robbery story.
- Then send it to the robbery!

Or miss what could be the
biggest fire story of the year.

Murray, you gotta help me. I don't
know what to do. I'll do anything.

Okay, Ted. I'll tell you
exactly what to do...

for $50.

Cover anything you want!

[Knocking] Come in.

Hi. Hi.

I'm glad you're still up. What?

Well, I just wanted to say I'm
sorry you didn't join us tonight.


I'm really sorry you
didn't join me, Mary.

Would you like a
drink? No. No, thanks.

Did you have a nice
evening? Yeah, really nice.

Phil took me to a great
party in Georgetown.

I met the assistant
secretary of defense.

[Chuckles] No
kidding. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my.

So, what did you do
with yourself tonight?

Oh, couple of old
friends dropped over here.

Aw, that's nice.

Oh, I bet you had a wonderful
time seeing them again.

Yeah. Yeah, it... It
was kinda fun. Hmm.

[Chuckles] You're...

John Glenn told
the funniest story.

He was... He was on...
John Glenn, the astronaut?

Yeah, yeah. He was
getting into his spacecraft

on his first trip,
and he started...

John Glenn is an
old friend of yours?

No, no, no, no. I
never met him before.

He came with Hubert.

- Hubert?
- Humphrey.

Anyway, it was
the funniest story.

I thought Eric Sevareid
was gonna bust a gut.

He was climbin' into this space
capsule... Eric Sevareid was here tonight?

Yeah. He couldn't stay long.

He was just giving
Ethel Kennedy a lift.

I see.

Just giving Ethel
Kennedy a lift.

- Mm-hmm.
- How'd she get home?

The Fords gave her a ride.

Oh, of course, of course.

Mary. Hmm?

You... You don't believe that the
president was here tonight, do you?

Oh, of course I do believe
the president was here. Was...

Lincoln here too?

Wh-What do you think
I did, Mary, huh? Huh?

You think I made up this whole thing
just to... just to impress you? Huh?

You think I ordered up a
whole bunch of drinks...

a-a-and coffee and ashtrays
and filled 'em with cigarette butts?

Huh? Y-You think I
went through all that...

to try and make you believe that
I knew some important people?

Is that what you think?
Mr. Grant, don't you know?

It doesn't matter to me whether
or not you know important people.

Couldn't possibly make you more
important to me than you already are.

Well, I wanna
te... [Phone Rings]




Hello, Betty.

It's... It's Mrs. Ford,
the president's wife.

Huh? Huh? Oh. Oh, sure. Sure.

Uh, Mary. Mary, would you look in that
chair over there and see if there's a pipe?

It's the president's
favorite pipe, and he

thinks it might have
fallen out of his pocket.

Come on.

Well, what do you know?

My, my. What a surprise.

The president's pipe.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Betty. Yeah.

Mary found it. That's
right. That's right.

[Drawer Shuts] Uh, that's
the girl I was telling you about.


Oh, sure. Sure. Hold on.

Mary, Mrs. Ford
wants to talk to you.


Hello, Mary, this is Betty Ford.

[Studio Audience Applauding]

Hi, Betty.

This is Mary, Queen of Scots.

- Well, I have to go now.
- Well, I just want to tell you
I'm sorry we missed you.

Look, I don't know
who you are...

or how Mr. Grant got you to
take part in this childish charade...

Please just tell Lou we'll
have the pipe picked up.

Yeah. But, uh,
it's really very late,

and I'd like to get to sleep,
so I'll say good-bye now.

Oh, and incidentally, your
impression of Betty Ford...

really stinks.

Oh, Mr. Grant.


You devil, you.