Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 5, Episode 2 - Not Just Another Pretty Face - full transcript

Mary has just started dating a ski instructor named Paul Van Dillen, who she just met by happenstance. Most of Mary's Minneapolis based friends quickly meet Paul, especially as Mary and Paul's first date is to Ted's birthday party. Although many feel this way, Sue Ann is the most direct in stating that Paul is the most gorgeous hunk of flesh she has ever met. Again, many of Mary's friends feel this way, but Phyllis is the first to say to Mary directly that she believes their relationship seems solely to be based on physical attraction since they seem to have nothing in common otherwise. Lou is more direct in his opposition to Mary and Paul's relationship. Despite being offended specifically by Lou's comments, Mary does begin to wonder if they are correct. Despite contemplating breaking things off with Paul, Paul, as the other person involved, may have some say and his own perspective on the matter.

♪ Who can turn the
world on with her smile ♪

♪ Who can take a nothing day ♪

♪ And suddenly make
it all seem worthwhile ♪

♪ Well, it's you, girl
and you should know it ♪

♪ With each glance and every
little movement you show it ♪

♪ Love is all around
No need to waste it ♪

♪ You can have the town
Why don't you take it ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪♪

[Knocking] [Phyllis]
Yoo-hoo, Mary!

- Come on in, Phyllis.
- Hi, hi.

Hi, Aunt Mary. Hi, Bess.

Mary, I have to
borrow some chairs.

Lars's Uncle Gustav
is here from Sweden.

I have the whole family in
my living room for dinner.

- Sure. Take what you want.
- I've got this
incredible headache.

Everybody's talking
Swedish down there.

It's like an Ingmar Bergman
movie without subtitles.

Any moment I expect Death to walk in and
challenge one of us to a game of checkers.

You know, Uncle
Gustav's really a lot of fun.

Yesterday we took him
to McDonald's for lunch.

He was so thrilled. He didn't
know we had 'em in America too.

I hope I get the
chance to meet him.

Well, you can come down
and have dinner with us now...

if you can borrow a
chair from somebody.

No. Thank you. It's Ted's birthday, and
we're going to a party at the Red Lantern.

Who are you going
with? Anybody I know?

No, I just met him today. Oh?

Yeah, I was in the sports department buying
Ted's birthday present, and he was there.

He's a ski instructor.
And we got to talking.

And then he bought
me a cup of coffee.

Mary, you let a strange
man pick you up?

Phyllis! Don't be silly.

I wouldn't let a man pick me up.

I picked him up.


Why on earth you'd want to go out
with a man you know nothing about...



Is this Miss
Richards's apartment?


[Mary] Hi, Paul.
I'll be right out.

She's almost ready. I'm Bess
Lindstrom, Mary's neighbor.

This is my mother,
Phyllis Lindstrom.

How do you do?
I'm Paul Van Dillen.


- [Mary] Sorry to keep you waiting.
- [Paul] Hi.

You've all met? Oh, yes.

Okay. Bye-bye. Have a good time.

Thank you. Nice
meeting you both. Oh.

Man, was he good looking.

Oh. Did you think so? Oh, yeah.

[Laughing] Hi, Sue Ann.
Oh, happy birthday, Ted.

- Oh, thank you.
- It's a book. I hope you
don't already have it.

Don't worry. If it's a
book, he doesn't have it.

Can I get you a drink, Sue Ann?
Oh, I'd love it. I'll get you one.

Happy birthday, Ted.
[Chuckling] Oh, Lou.

- You shouldn't have.
- Ted, it's just a scarf.

Well, still, I mean, it was
just the idea that you...

You went to the time and trouble
to pick something out for me.

No. Uh-uh. I didn't pick it out.
I sent some kid from the office.

Well, okay, but you were
the one that paid for it.

No, I charged it to the station.

Yeah, but still, you're the one
that wanted to get me a present.

Well, not really.
Mary talked me into it.

What the heck, Lou. It's
the thought that counts.

[Sue Ann] Oh, there's
Mary. Oh, hi, Sue Ann.

Hello, dear. Sue Ann Nivens, I'd
like you to meet Paul Van Dillen.

How are you? Hello. Oh,
Mary, what a lovely dress.

Thank you. Has it started to
rain yet? They said it would.

No. Not yet. No. Oh,
well, let's hope it doesn't.

Right. Oh, you'll
have to excuse me.

I promised Georgette I would
select the wine for dinner. Oh.

Oh, incidentally,
Mr. Van Dillen,

you are the most gorgeous
hunk of flesh I have ever seen.

Oh, there's my boss. I
want you to meet him.

Uh, Lou Grant and Murray Slaughter,
I'd like you to meet Paul Van Dillen.

How do you do?
How do you do, Paul?

Nice to see you. [Clears Throat]

Oh, and Ted Baxter,
Paul Van Dillen.

Happy birthday,
Ted. Thanks, Mar.

Boy, I bet you have to
beat 'em off with a stick.

Happy birthday. Yeah.
Thanks for coming, Paul.

Boy, I'd give my right arm
to have dimples like yours.

Oh, look, there's Georgette.

Paul, I want you to meet
Georgette. Excuse me.

I wonder what she sees in him.

Well, he's a pretty
good-lookin' guy,

you know, in a
cheap sort of way.

I wouldn't have figured he was
Mary's type. Oh, in what way?

Oh, I figure she likes guys with
more character, more intelligence.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

What makes you believe
a guy that's handsome

can't have brains
and character too?

Because if we didn't believe it,

I don't think we
could go on living.

Say, Lou, do you think
he's better looking than I am?

I'm not gonna answer that, Ted.

Come on, Lou. Just say
you don't know me, and

you saw us two
together for the first time.

Who'd you say is better looking?

Do you have to know now, or can I
wait till after the swimsuit competition?

So I just go
wherever the snow is.

Have you lived in
Minneapolis long, Paul?

No, I just moved
here a few weeks ago.

And how do you like our
weather? Is it cold enough for you?

Oh, it's more than
cold enough for me.

[Laughing] Thank you.

Doesn't he have a wonderful
sense of humor, Sue Ann?

No, but who cares?

- Hi, hi.
- Hiya. Oh, thank you, Phyl.

I'll bring the other two back tomorrow
after Uncle Gustav goes back to Sweden.

Oh, gee, I still haven't met
him. Is he having a nice visit?

Oh, yes. I think he's a
little homesick though.

Last night when he
was watching television,

he started to cry during
a Volvo commercial.

There's a little wine stain on
one of 'em, but you can't see it.

Oh, yeah. Right
there on that one.

Oh, yeah. See?
You can't even see it.

Especially when you're sitting
on it. Then you can't see it.

Well, you could turn the cushion
over. Well, either way. Sure.

Oh, something smells
delicious. What is it?

It's a Moroccan recipe.
Sue Ann gave it to me.

It's made with lamb and
olive oil and spices and grains.

I forgot what they call
it. What did she call it?

Mmm! Must be for
somebody very special.

Yeah, it is. For Paul. You
met him the other night.


You mean, that Paul?

Mary, you're seeing
him again. Mm-hmm.

Is this the first time
since Ted's birthday party?

No. No. As a matter of fact, I've
seen him, well, every night this week.

You don't say.

How surprising.

Why is it surprising?

Well, it doesn't
seem like you, Mary.

What doesn't seem like me?

Well, that you would
strike up a relationship

solely on the basis
of a physical attraction.

Phyllis, come on.

What makes you think
that our relationship...

if there is, indeed,
a relationship...

Is based solely on
physical attraction?

Mary, be honest.

Would you feel the same way about Paul if
he were balding, overweight and bowlegged?

Phyllis, that is so dumb. If he
were that, he wouldn't be Paul.

Well, I would feel the
same way about Lars...

if he were balding,
overweight and bowlegged.

Phyllis, Lars is balding,
overweight and bowlegged.

Well, that's my point. Exactly.

Don't misunderstand me, Mary.

There's no need to be ashamed
of what you feel. It's only natural.

You see a... a beautiful
flower, and you want to pick it.

You hear a beautiful song,
you want to dance to it.

You see a beautiful stream,
you want to wade in it.

You see a beautiful man,
you want to... Couscous.


Yeah, that's the name of
the Moroccan dish I'm making.

Oh, Mary. [Laughs]

Dear, funny Mary.

You know, Mary, you're not
the first woman to feel this way.

I remember when Lars
asked me to marry him.

I went to Paris
to think it over.

At the time, it seemed
like an important decision.

Anyway, on the plane,
seated next to me,

was the most fantastic-looking
man I have ever seen in my life.

I can't tell you how
beautiful this man was.

And as I was sitting there,

I asked myself this purely
hypothetical question.

What would I do...

if I had to choose
between marriage to Lars...

A man I respect and admire...

Or a sleazy affair
with this total stranger?

I looked deep into my soul.

And you know something, Mary?

I didn't know the answer.

Isn't that incredible?

Fortunately, I was
spared the decision when

I called his hotel room
and he wasn't there.

Phyllis, this isn't
like that at all.

I am not seeing Paul just
because he's a good-looking man.

It just so happens we have
a great deal in common.

Mary, how could you
have anything in common?

He's a ski instructor,
and you hate skiing.

That's not true. I
do not hate skiing.

All right. I only went once.

And, okay, I didn't
have a particularly

wonderful time, but I
certainly didn't hate it.

But why didn't you go again? Because
I knew if I went again, I would hate it.

Anyway, come on. There's
a lot more to life than skiing.

[Knocking] For
heaven's sake, there's...

There's music, theater.

There's books.

Hi. Hi.

Read any good books lately?

You remember Phyllis. Of course.

I'll get you a drink. Thank you.

Nice to see you again.

How's your daughter?


The... The young lady I
met. Wasn't she your...

Oh, that daughter. Bess.

I married very young, you know.

Uh, Phyllis, you want anything?

Oh, yes.

But a fat lot of
good it'll do me.

- Good-bye, Mary.
- Bye.

Good-bye, Paul.
Good-bye, Phyllis.

Thank you. Dinner will
be ready in a little while.

Good. You like lamb?

Terrific. I love lamb.

Good. Lamb.

You know, it's funny, Paul. We've
known each other, what, for over a week,

and I still don't know what foods
you like or hardly anything about you.

What would you like to know?

Well, uh, when you're not
teaching skiing, what do you do?

When I'm not teaching skiing...

I guess I'm skiing.

Well, no. I mean, you can't ski
all the time. Oh, sure you can.

Even when it's summer here,
there's snow somewhere else.

There's New Zealand, Chile...

I guess what I'm really
trying to find out is, um,

what you do in your spare time.

See, somebody was asking me
what you and I had in common,

and, um, well, I know it sounds silly,
but, you know, I didn't know how to answer.

I mean, I know you and I
must have a lot in common.

You know, otherwise, you
and I couldn't, you know,

like each other as much as,
you know, we so obviously do.

That's why I was, you know,
trying to find out what you like...

that I like, you know, that
would be, like, a common...

Do you like movies?

I love movies.

What's your favorite movie?

Uh, Downhill Racer.

What's your favorite? Oh.

Yeah, I guess
Gone With the Wind.

I don't think I know that one.

Say, Murray, did Mary arrange
the new pictures for my fan club?

No. She didn't get a
chance to, Ted. [Sighs]

See, I'm not sure
how to pose this time.

Hey, Murray, what sort of picture
would you like to see of me?

How about a chalk
outline on the floor?


Listen, Ted, Mary was arranging
for your pictures, but that guy Paul...

The one at the party... he
came by and they went to lunch.

- Say, what do you think of him?
- I like him. He seems like a nice guy.

Well, there's one thing about
that Paul guy that I didn't like.

Uh-huh? He's
conceited about his looks.

I'm terrific-looking too, but I
don't make a big thing of it.

I'm handsome.
That's it. I accept it.

It's something I was born with.

Just 'cause I'm
handsome and you're not...

doesn't make me a better
person than you, does it?

It's a fact of life. I can't take
the credit for my good looks.

If anybody deserves the
credit, it's the man upstairs.

He's the one who
made me what I am.

Must have been during the war,
when he had trouble getting parts.

Hiya, Mar. Hi, Paul. Hi.

Hi, Murray. Well,
thanks for lunch.

Oh, sure. How
about dinner tonight?

Oh, well, um, I'm not sure, but I think
I'm gonna have to work late tonight.

Hey, Mary, it's a very light news day. If
anything happens, I can cover for you.

Oh, terrific. Then
I can have dinner.

Oh, great. I'll see you
around 8:00 then. Okay.

Uh, Mary, when you get a chance,
could you come into my office?

Sure. Nice to see
you again, Paul.

Bye. Bye.

So long, Murray.
I'll see you, Paul.

Hey, look, I'm sorry about
opening my big mouth before.

You were trying to get out of
that dinner date, weren't you?

Yeah, but that's... that's okay.
But, Mary, I thought you liked him.

Yeah, I do.

And that's the problem.
I don't know why.

Or maybe that's the
problem. [Chuckles]

I know why.

You wanted to see me?
Oh, yeah. Uh, sit down, Mary.

Mary, I don't want you to think
I'm butting into your personal life,

nor do I want you to
resent what I'm about to say.

Well, Mr. Grant, I... I don't
want you to say anything yet.

I just want you to
hear me out. Agreed?

Okay. Okay.

Now, we've known each
other a long time, right? Right.

Please. You said you weren't
gonna say anything. I'm sorry.

Now, Mary, be honest.

If you saw me throwing my life
away on some cheap, tawdry bimbo,

you'd say something,
wouldn't you?

- Well...
- Ah-ah!

Well, that's exactly how I feel
about you and this guy Paul.

Well, Mr... Ah-ah!

Mary, you know what
you're gettin' involved with?

A commercial for
The Dry Look. Yeah.

I hate to tell you this, but
he's prettier than you are.

I am sorry, but I can't see you
making a fool of yourself like this.

Ah-ah. Mary,

Paul is not what you'd
call a Renaissance man.

I spent 20 minutes at Ted's party
teaching him how to work the cheese dip.

All right, all right. That's
an exaggeration. But face it.

There can't be anything between you
and this man but a physical attraction.

Mary, he is not for you.

Okay. Now you can
say what you want to say.

Well, Mr. Grant, all
I want to say is this.

That you have no right
butting into my personal life.

Oh... Ah!

And I resent very much every
single thing you have said.

And another thing.

You're probably right.

All chairs present and
accounted for. Thank you, Phyllis.

You know, Mary, I
love Uncle Gustav,

but I can't say I'm
sorry to see him go.

You don't know what
it's like having 10 people

in your living room
night after night...

talking about you in Swedish.

[Speaking Mock Swedish]

Phyllis, if you don't
understand Swedish, how

do you know they're
all talkin' about you?

Mary, you don't have to understand
Swedish when someone stares at you,

shakes his head and
says... [Mock Swedish] "Lars."

So, what time are you
meeting Paul? About 8:00.

Maybe sometime the four of us
could all go to dinner together, Mary.

You and Lars and me and Paul.

I mean, me and Lars and
you and Paul. Ha-ha. Fun.

No. I don't think so, Phyl. Oh?

Well, I don't think I'm gonna
be seeing Paul after tonight.


Oh, poor, dear, sweet Mary.
How could he do that to you?

Phyllis. Well, I say
you're well rid of him.

In fact, the first time I ever
laid eyes on him, I said,

"There goes the most
superficial, egotistical"...

Phyllis, he is not breaking up
with me. I am breaking up with him.

A gorgeous man like that?
Are you out of your mind?

Look, it's like what
you said the other night.

I suddenly realized that Paul and
I really don't have a lot in common,

and that the only reason I was
attracted to him was because...

he's so attractive.

Well, what's wrong with that?

I mean, excuse me for
sayin' this, Aunt Mary,

but I think you're
makin' a big mistake.

So what if you just go out with
him because he's attractive?

Men go out with women
just because they're attractive.

Nobody seems to think
there's anything wrong with that.

I mean, for thousands of years,
men have been using us women,

and I think it's about time
we started using 'em back.

Right on! [Laughs]

On the other hand, I suppose if we
just use them the way they use us,

we're really no
better than they are.

Who wants to be
better than they are?

No, Bess is right. I've gotta tell Paul
it's over, and I've gotta do it tonight.

Bye. [Chuckles] Oh.

You know, Bess, what
you've just said now...

was very perceptive, very wise,

very profound.

Reminds me of something
your grandmother always says.

What's that?

[Mock Swedish]

I understand the
food here is excellent.

Oh, it's the best
in Minneapolis.

Service is really
slow. Every time I've

been here, it's just
taken forever to get...

Would you like to order
a cocktail, sir? waited on.

Cocktail? Yes, a gin and tonic.

The lady will have a gin and
tonic, and I'll have a scotch sour.

Straight up or on the rocks?

- Straight up.
- Any particular
kind of scotch?

- Any scotch.
- Sweet or tart?

- Medium's fine.
- Medium it is.

That's really unusual. Because,
um, the last time I was here,

it must have taken at least a half
an hour to get... Excuse me, sir,

would you care to order
your drinks now? waited on.

- We've ordered.
- Sorry.

Uh, miss? Miss,
uh, could I, uh...

You know, I'm really glad we're
having dinner together tonight...

because there's something
I wanted to tell you.

I mean, I wanted to tell
you at lunch, and then I...

Here we are. Wanna taste that
scotch sour and see if it's all right?

I told the bartender medium.

It's fine.

Not too medium?

No, really, it's fine.

And, uh, my gin and tonic is fine, too,
except that it seems to be a screwdriver.

Oh, I'm sorry. I must have
picked up the wrong drink.

I'll be right back. Thank you.

Uh, miss.

Excuse me. When the waitress comes
back, could you order me a martini?

A martini? Yeah.

Very dry, with two olives. Sure.

Oh, could I have a martini,
very dry with two olives?

Oh, I'm sorry. I don't know
what's wrong with me today.

Wait. No. It's... He, uh...

That's all right. I didn't
want a drink anyway.

All right. Now, what
were you saying?

Well, Paul, what
I'm trying to say is,

I think that there is a
problem with our relationship.

You do? Why?

Because, Paul, I'm bored
whenever you talk about skiing.

And I know that you're bored
whenever I talk about anything else.

Well, why don't we just
avoid those two subjects then?

Okay, what would
you say if I told you...

that the reason I'm going out
with you is because of your looks?

What's wrong with that?

That's why I'm
going out with you.


But, Paul, if that's the reason
you're going out with me,

doesn't that make our
relationship pretty superficial?

Superficial? No.

I like you, Mary.

And if you really like someone, how
can the relationship be superficial?

Hey, you know
something? I like you too.

Then what is the problem?

Damned if I know.

To us. To us.

Thank you very much.

And you've only
had the one lesson?

Oh, you don't want to hear
about this. Yes, I do. Come on.

Well, okay. It was a... It was a
ski resort just outside the city,

and, uh, well, it
was a group lesson.

It was, uh, me,
six-year-old twins and a nun.

Well, the nun, uh,
wasn't dressed like a nun,

but, uh, the twins
were dressed like twins.

- You don't want to hear this.
- Yes, I do. Come on.

Well, after the ski instructor
gave us the fundamentals,

he had us go over
to the hill, and he...

Well, it wasn't really a hill.

They called it the Donald
Duck slope. It was...

Anyway, the twins
went right down it.

Did fine. And the
nun did terrific too.

And... And then it was my turn.

Boy, I will never forget looking
down and seeing the three of them...

down there at the bottom
of the hill cheering me on.

So, I started and I got
about two feet down,

and then I panicked,
and I stumbled,

- and I just kind of
rolled down the hill.
- [Chuckling]

And there was the ski
instructor, just shaking his head.

And the twins were snickering.

The only one who was
nice to me was the nun.

She came over, picked me up and asked
me if I thought I really had the calling.

- [Chuckling]
- Anyway, that was
my first ski experience.

Well, maybe you had
the wrong instructor.

[Chuckles] Maybe. Are
you ready to order dessert?

Uh, yes, I'm gonna have cheesecake
and coffee. I'll have the same.

Did you want the
cheesecake and coffee?

Or a caramel custard they also
have. No, maybe just some Jell-O.

Yeah. I guess maybe some Jell-O.

Do you want that with
whipped cream or without?

Uh, without. Without
whipped cream.