Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 5, Episode 1 - Will Mary Richards Go to Jail? - full transcript

♪ Who can turn the
world on with her smile ♪

♪ Who can take a nothing day ♪

♪ And suddenly make
it all seem worthwhile ♪

♪ Well, it's you, girl
and you should know it ♪

♪ With each glance and every
little movement you show it ♪

♪ Love is all around
No need to waste it ♪

♪ You can have the town
Why don't you take it ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪♪

[Knocking] Come in.

Mr. Grant, I need your
approval on these...



Mr. Grant, you don't
usually drink before the show.

- This is Irish coffee.
- Come on. There's no coffee in there,

there's no whipped cream... and
it's not Irish whiskey, it's scotch.

Well,

that's the last time I'll ever
get a recipe from that bartender.

- Why are you drinking?
- This is medicinal.

I think my glands
are swollen. Feel 'em.

Hmm? Oh.

Excuse me.

You know, I think they are
swollen. It's probably nothing.

I was with my grandson the
other day, and he has the mumps.

And I never had 'em. You know what can
happen when a grown man gets the mumps.

I mean, it can affect his
ability... Oh, yes, I know.

I mean, he can become...
Yeah, right, right. Right.



I mean, he can still...
Yeah, I know! I know he can.

How do you know?
Uh, Reader's Digest.

You know, you really
ought to see a doctor.

Yeah, well, I made an appointment,
but now I'm not sure I really wanna go.

They got this new guy
filling in for my regular doctor.

- So what's the difference?
- Well, my old doctor knows me.

Took me 20 years
to break him in.

He doesn't tell me to lose weight.
He doesn't tell me to exercise.

He doesn't tell me to
cut down on my drinking.

He's a good doctor.

Mr. Grant, come on.
None of that matters.

You really have
to go to a doctor.

If a man gets the mumps, you
know, he can become... I know.

Very much. I know!

I'm telling you, she
was holding him like this!

Ted, please. It's been a
lovely evening. Don't spoil it.

Mr. Grant, don't you worry about
the show. I'll handle everything.

You just get to
the doctor. Doctor?

Well, Mr. Grant thinks
he might have the mumps.

Oh. That's why you were
feeling up Lou's throat.

Well, I'll see ya
tomorrow, I hope.

What's Lou so worried
about? He'll be fine.

And even if he does
have the mumps, so what?

Who cares if you're
out of gas when you

never take the car out
of the garage anyway?

Uh, excuse me. I'd like to talk to
whoever's in charge of the news.

Oh, he just left. But I'm his
associate producer. Can I help you?

Uh, I think so. It
is rather important.

I wonder, uh... Could
we discuss it in private?

Uh, well, sure. Yes,
we can go right in here.

[Door Closes] Well, I guess I
better go down to the studio.

[Chuckles] You
know, it's a funny thing.

I've been doin' the
news for eight years now,

and I still feel as
nervous and petrified...

as I was opening
night! [Chuckling]

[Voice Deepens] Of course,
I'm perfect once I'm on.

Right before, I feel a
little sick to my stomach.

That's funny. I don't feel that
way till after you're on the air.

[Chuckles]

[Ted] Consists of
equal opportunity's role...

Thank you.

Well, thank you. Thank
you, thank you! [Chuckling]

I just... I don't know how
to thank you. Except to...

say that I've already said
that. Well, uh, good-bye.

Good-bye. And thank you!

I haven't heard that many
thank-yous since my honeymoon.

And they were all mine.

Murray, how much time do we
have left on the air? Uh, 12 minutes.

Okay, read this. I
just typed it up. This

could be the biggest
exclusive WJM ever had.

Hey, this is dynamite. Uh-huh.

A half million dollars in graft?

Yes, and we've got the
documents right here to prove it.

That man is a bookkeeper for
one of the companies involved.

If the grand jury's on this case,
why doesn't he go see them?

Because he's afraid
of losing his job. Oh.

Murray, do you think we should
put it on tonight? You bet! It's terrific.

Okay, yeah. I mean, it came
from a really good source.

I'm gonna get it to
Ted right now. Yeah.

From the horse's mouth
to the horse's... Murray!

And this note for pretty
Twin Cities colleens.

The chamber of commerce announces
they are beginning to take applications...

for the queen of the Winter Carnival,
so all you pink-nosed little snowbunnies...

[Clears Throat] Mary, can't
you see I'm doing the news?

- [Mouthing Words]
- Read it?

[Chuckling] All right.
[Mouthing Words]

Out loud!

[Chuckling]

Well, why didn't you say so?

[Clears Throat] WJM
has learned exclusively...

that at least one-half
million dollars in graft...

was paid out in connection with
the U.S. 721 Highway project.

Furthermore, WJM
has in its possession...

documented proof of these charges,
which will be handed over to...

the federal grand jury
investigating this matter.

Now, back to the real news.

As I was saying...

Can you tell us how you
first came into possession...

of these rather
startling documents?

Oh. Yes, it's my job.

I'm a newsman, and I sniff
around and I smell a story,

and I scratch and I dig
till I find a bone of truth.

Next week, we're gonna teach
him to roll over and play dead.

[Lou] Mary, could you tell me
where the latest... Oh! Say, Lou.

Come on over here. [Chuckles]

Guys, I want you to meet the producer
of the Six O'Clock News, Lou Grant.

Now wait a second.

You guys have the
mumps when you were kids?

Ted, I don't have the mumps.
It's just a stupid little sore throat.

Well, it's just too bad you
couldn't be here last night...

when you had that
stupid little sore throat,

while we were busy
scooping the free world.

[Camera Shutter Clicks] Couldn't
have done it without you, Lou.

Even though we
did do it without you.

All right, that's
all. [Chuckling]

Listen, while we're
passing out the kudos,

I want to introduce you to Mary
Richards and Murray Slaughter.

That's them over there.
That's Mary and that's Murray.

Well, Ted, I think
we have everything.

Well, it's always nice to
talk to fellow newsmen.

Thanks for the interview, Baxter.
And, uh, fellow news chicks.

Well, I think I handled
that rather well, don't you?

Excuse me, Mr. Baxter.
Oh! [Clears Throat]

Well, it all started at a small,
5,000-watt radio station...

in Fresno, California. I'm
not a reporter, Mr. Baxter.

I'm Special Agent Harrison
with the Department of Justice.

Oh, well, you... you came here to
pick up those documents I uncovered?

Mary, this gentleman is here
to pick up those documents.

Yeah, I have them
right here. Here you are.

Here you are. Thank you.

First, I'd like to ask a
few questions. Shoot.

Would you tell me who, uh,
gave you these documents?

Well, sure. Those
documents... Hold it!

Ted, you don't have to answer
that question. You're a newsman.

All right.

I'm a newsman. I don't
have to answer that question.

Yeah, you don't have to tell me, but then
you're gonna have to tell the grand jury.

Here's a subpoena ordering
you to appear tomorrow.

[Gasps] Ted.

The First Amendment guarantees
the freedom of the press.

You don't ever have to reveal
your source, even to a grand jury.

Right. I don't have to ever reveal
my source, even to a grand jury!

True. But you can
go to jail if you don't.

[Shudders] Ted... Shut up, Lou!

Gimme a break, copper!

I don't know who the
source is. I only work here!

I mean, I stand in front of the camera, and
I read whatever they put in front of me.

Half the time, I don't
even know what it means.

Then who was it here that
did receive the documents?

She did.

May I? Yeah, sure.

Mary, remember, you're a newsman.
You don't have to reveal your source.

Al? Harrison.

We're gonna need another
subpoena for a Miss, uh...

Look, here's the thing.

You see, the person who gave me the
documents asked me to keep it a secret.

You know, so giving me a
subpoena isn't gonna do any good.

Because you can't tell a secret,
right? I mean, a secret's a secret.

It's Richards. Mary Richards.

Hi, guys. Where's Mary?

You didn't leave her, did you?
She's coming in her own car.

What happened when she
testified? Oh, I don't know.

We testified separately.
I gotta tell you guys,

it's a great experience appearing
before a federal grand jury.

First they take you into this waiting
room, and they bring you coffee.

What about Mary?
She didn't want any.

Then, since we had
to testify until lunch,

well, they took us across
the street to this restaurant.

Where I had the best
prime ribs of my life!

That lawyer the station was gonna
send, did he get there? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

- Well, was he any help?
- He's the one who told me
to have the prime ribs.

Then I went back and testified.

They asked me what my name was
and what I did. What'd you tell them?

I told them I was the best
darn newsman in all of America.

- You didn't.
- I had to. I was under oath.

And then they just asked
me where I got the documents.

I said, "Mary gave them to
me," and they thanked me.

And to top it, Lou, they give you
$20 and 10-cents-a-mile transportation.

I socked 'em for
800 miles! [Laughing]

They didn't even bat an eye!

Sort of gives a guy faith in the
whole system of American justice.

Oh, Mary. Hey, what
happened? Tell us.

Well, it-it's hard to know where
to start. Start from the beginning.

Well, uh, I got there
and they asked me...

who gave me the documents, and
I... I told them I couldn't tell them that.

And then they took
me to this judge's

office, and he asked
me why I wouldn't tell,

and I said that, as a newsman, I
just felt I couldn't reveal a source.

- Uh, wh-what did the judge say?
- Well, he was a very nice man.

He said he respected my opinion,
a-and that if he had a daughter,

- he'd like her to be just like me...
- [Lou, Ted Chuckle]

- Did he say anything else?
- Yeah.

He said that, if I didn't
change my mind by Monday,

he's sending me to jail.

Oh, Mary, honey.

Can I ask you a
question? Uh-huh. Yeah.

Did anybody say anything
about my mileage?

No, she's still
sticking to it, Sue Ann.

They had another hearing, and
if she doesn't tell them by tonight,

they're gonna come and
arrest her. Poor, dear Mary.

But I understand. I know what it's
like to take a stand for a principle.

I remember when a
sponsor came to me...

demanding that I incorporate their
product in my Thanksgiving special.

They cajoled me, they
intimidated me, they threatened me.

But I took a firm stand on
the principle of artistic integrity,

and told them to take their frozen
giblets and ram them right up their nose.

Hi. Mary! Dear.

Dear, I want you to know...

when you get
out... If you get out...

I will be right here to help you find
your way back into decent society.

Thanks, Sue Ann. That
makes me feel a lot better.

Who are you spending your
last evening of freedom with?

Uh, no one.

Well, I won't allow
it! Uh, no. Sue Ann...

Plenty of time for solitary
when they throw you in the hole.

Now, would you like me
to come over there alone,

or would you like more of your
friends? Friends. More. More friends.

Many. Wonderful idea, Mary.

We'll make it a party! Now
you leave everything to me.

We'll have a prison motif. We'll
serve our drinks in little tin cups,

and everyone can
bang them on the table.

Oh, this is gonna
be so much fun!

Come in.

Could I see you for a minute?

[Grunts] Mr. Grant,

if I don't change my mind, and
tell them what they want to know,

I'm going to jail tonight.

And I just wish I could be
sure I'm doing the right thing.

Mary.

I can't tell ya what to do.

I can only tell
you what I think.

I think it's a reporter's
job to inform the people.

But if a reporter can be forced to reveal
his confidential sources of information,

he can't do that job, because
his sources will dry up.

And pretty soon, there won't
be any information worth printing.

The whole concept of freedom
of the press will be destroyed.

And with it, democracy...

As you and I know
it, and cherish it.

But don't let that
influence you.

Well, I'll just... I'll just
have to go to jail, that's all.

It's the right thing. It's
the honorable thing.

It's the only thing. [Chuckles]

There's just one problem.

[Crying] I don't want
to go to jail, Mr. Grant!

I'm afraid to go
to jail! I know.

I've never been
to jail, Mr. Grant.

I never even had
to stay after school!

Murray? No thanks, Sue Ann.

[Sighs] Mary?

Uh, yeah, I... [Mumbling]

Gee, Sue Ann, it sure was a
good idea having this party...

to cheer Mary up.

I know! [Laughing]

Well, I guess I'd
better pack my things.

- Mary, do you need any help?
- Oh, no thanks, Georgette.

I'm just gonna take a toothbrush.
I understand they supply the rest.

Mary, dear...

I don't like to criticize
you at a time like this,

but everyone is taking
their cue from you.

Now, if you don't have a
good time, no one else will.

So, hold your head up,

put a smile on your face,
and don't be such a drag.

I'll see what I can do.

Murray, how long are they
going to keep Mary in jail?

[Sighing] Well, till she tells
them what they wanna know.

And when is she gonna tell
them what they wanna know?

- She's never gonna tell them.
- Oh.

Maybe she should
take another toothbrush.

Well, I'm all ready to go.

- Mary?
- All ready to go!

That's the spirit!
Now, come on, people.

We came here to
cheer Mary up. [Laughs]

Let's have some
fun! What'll we do?

[Clears Throat] Oh, I know.
Ted could do his impressions.

[Chuckles] No, I don't
wanna do my impressions.

Come on, Ted. Well, all
right. If everybody insists.

[Clears Throat] You
gotta guess who this is.

[Imitating James Cagney]
All right, you-you dirty rats!

[Giggling]

There's more. There's more.

[Resumes As Cagney] I'm not gonna eat
this slop. Mm-mmm. I'm bustin' outta here.

Mm-mmm. [Chuckling] Who is that?

Sue Ann's first husband?

[Laughing]

Ah!

Bald people are always so jolly!

[Doorbell Buzzes]

So. [Chuckles]

Hello, Miss Richards.
Mr. Harrison.

- This is Mrs. Langdon.
- [Clears Throat] Hello.

Well, I'm-I'm all ready.

It's all right. Take your time.

What prison will
you be taking her to?

Well, for tonight, she'll be
kept at the county jail downtown.

Well, shall we go? Sorry, but
we're gonna have to put these on.

Handcuffs? Sorry,
but it's procedure.

Yeah, that's a good idea. She
might decide to overpower you.

[Sighs] Well...

- Good-bye.
- Oh, good-bye, Mary.

And don't worry about your
plants. I'll come and water them...

and talk to them every day.

But I won't tell them where
you are. I'll make something up.

Thanks, Georgette.

Good-bye, dear. [Sobs]

Um... Thanks.

Well, you know
how I feel. [Sighs]

Mary.

I... I got you these
cigarettes. Take 'em.

But, Ted, I don't smoke.

I know. But you gotta have
'em to bribe the screws.

No offense.

We're gonna get ya out. I know.

We're gonna fight this thing,
and we're gonna win it. Right.

Look out for yourself. I will.

Right in here. Y-You sure I
couldn't have my overnight bag?

Sorry.

It's just that it had my
toothbrush and toothpaste in it.

I just hate to wake up in the
morning without brushing my teeth.

You know, that taste in your
mouth when you first wake up?

Ever since I was a little girl,
I just couldn't do anything...

until I brushed my
teeth! [Chuckling]

So... [Clears Throat]

I guess we're gonna be roomies.

- My name's Mary Richards.
- Hi. I'm Sandra Dee,

and this is Annette Funicello.

[Chuckling]

- She's Sherry. I'm Kim.
- Oh.

So, what are you in here for?

Oh, I fell in love
with a cop. [Chuckles]

How 'bout you? Yeah,
what'd they get you for?

Impersonating a Barbie doll.

[Laughs]

Now, well, okay.

I'm going to sleep.
Which bunk you want?

- I don't care where I sleep.
- I know. That's why you're here.

Well, listen. I'll take the
top bunk. I don't mind.

Really. I don't. I don't
mind. [Clears Throat]

It's my first time in prison. Oh,
yeah? You coulda fooled us.

Wh-What I mean is, you'll have
to excuse me for talking so much.

It's just that, when I get
nervous, I-I tend to babble on.

So, you know, I'm sorry if I'm
bothering you here. [Chuckles]

If you want me to stop,
just, you know, let me know.

Because otherwise, I'll just, you
know, keep right on talking. [Chuckles]

I know it's kind of a silly thing,
but, you know, it's just this...

way I have of
unwinding, so, you know...

Yow! Good night!

[Sherry] Nighty-night.

What's the matter? Don't ya like
your breakfast? Oh, no, it's not that.

Until I brush my teeth in the
morning, I don't feel like doing anything.

I know it sounds silly...

What did you say your
name was? Uh, Mary.

Mary. I know you're
probably not a bad kid,

and this must be a very
trying experience for you.

But if you mention your
toothbrush one more time,

I'm gonna spit up.

Right in here.

I've seen some tough-looking chicks
in here, but this one takes the cake.

Mr. Grant!

[Chuckling] Hi, Mary. They
told me I couldn't have visitors.

Hey, Mary. I haven't been a newsman for 30
years without knowin' how to pull strings.

Oh, this is Kim and
Sherry. It's okay. It's okay.

Um, would you ladies
excuse us for a second?

Oh, certainly. Come on.
Let's go over to your place.

Uh, so. What you been
doin'? Oh, nothing much.

Yeah. Uh, listen, Mary.

I've been thinking it over,

and you've gotta tell them
what they wanna know.

What? Yeah, listen, there
are a lot of people out there...

A lot of people who
believe that a reporter...

has no more right than anybody
else to withhold evidence.

Is that what you believe?

Yes. Now I do. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Uh, Mary, I want you
to reveal your source.

Okay, you look me in
the eye and say that.

Mary, I want you to
reveal your source.

You're looking me in the nose.

Look, it's not what I believe
in anymore that's important.

It's you. You're in jail.

Uh, you're in jail.

I just can't take it. I
can't handle it anymore.

Oh, Mr. Grant, everything's
gonna be all right.

Sure. That's easy
for you to say.

But my lawyer's already
working on the appeal.

I'll be out on bail
in a few days.

I mean, they can't
keep me in here forever.

What, a day, a couple...
Maybe a week? That's all.

I, uh... I just wish I
hadn't talked you into this.

Oh, but you didn't! Huh?

Mr. Grant, I didn't come to see
you to find out what you had to say.

I already knew what you had
to say. And I needed to hear it.

You wanna look me in
the nose and say that?

Really.

I... I feel just like I feel when one
of my daughters makes me proud.

I could... What?

Nothing. No, come on.

You were gonna
say something. What?

Hug you.

Oh... Nah, I'm not a hugger.

[Chuckles]

Listen. I don't get it.

You work for a news show, and you
wouldn't say who gave you a story,

and that's why you're here? Yes.

In other words, they put you
in jail just for doin' your job?

Yup, that's right. Same as us.

Well, good-bye. Yeah,
kid. It was nice meeting you.

Yeah. Take care
of yourself. I will.

You too.

Don't worry. We'll bake ya a
cake, and we'll put a toothbrush in it.

[Laughing] [Cackling]

Don't worry about
her. She'll be all right.

I just heard her lawyer's
posted bail. She'll

probably be out of here
in three or four hours.

Three or four hours? Oh,
we'll probably be back by then.

[Mews]