Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 4, Episode 6 - Father's Day - full transcript

♪ WHO CAN TURN THE
WORLD ON WITH HER SMILE ♪

♪ WHO CAN TAKE A NOTHING DAY ♪

♪ AND SUDDENLY MAKE IT
ALL SEEM WORTHWHILE ♪

♪ WELL, IT'S YOU, GIRL
AND YOU SHOULD KNOW IT ♪

♪ WITH EACH GLANCE AND EVERY
LITTLE MOVEMENT YOU SHOW IT ♪

♪ LOVE IS ALL AROUND
NO NEED TO WASTE IT ♪

♪ YOU CAN HAVE THE TOWN
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE IT ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪♪

GEE, I'M REALLY SORRY YOU MISSED
TED AND EVERYBODY, MR. CALDWELL.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT. I'LL
COME BACK TOMORROW.



ALL RIGHT. I'LL TELL 'EM.

GOOD-BYE. BYE. HIYA, MAR.

HI. OH, SOME MESSAGES FOR YOU, MURRAY.
THE DENTIST WILL SEE YOU FRIDAY AT 3:00.

HMM. STEWART PLUMBING
STILL HASN'T RECEIVED A CHECK.

MARIE CALLED AND WOULD LIKE YOU
TO BRING HOME A JAR OF MINT JELLY.

SHE'S MAKING LAMB. MM-HMM.

IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT SOMEWHERE
IN THIS GREAT LAND OF OURS...

SOMEBODY HAS A
MESSAGE THAT SAYS,

"JILL ST. JOHN CALLED. COME
ON UP. THE SKIING'S WONDERFUL."

HEY, MURR, CAN YOU EVER
REMEMBER TED MENTIONING HIS FATHER?

- CAN'T SAY THAT I DO. WHY?
- HIS FATHER CALLED
THREE TIMES TODAY.

ANY MESSAGES? OH, NO.

BUT MR. CALDWELL WAS HERE TO SEE YOU
AND TED. HE SAID HE'D COME BACK TOMORROW.

CALDWELL... HE'S ONE OF THE
NEW OWNERS OF THE STATION.



- YOU MEAN, WE'VE BEEN SOLD?
- YEAH, LAST WEEK. MONROE SOLD
US FOR FIVE MILLION DOLLARS.

FIVE MILLION. WOW,
THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY.

NOT TO MONROE. HE
PAID SEVEN MILLION.

MARY, WILL YOU BRING IN
LAST NIGHT'S PROGRAM LOGS?

YES, SIR.

ANYBODY WANT SOME ANCHOVY PIZZA?
HATE TO HAVE TO EAT THE WHOLE THING MYSELF.

- ANYBODY WANT A SLICE?
- HOW MUCH?

HALF A BUCK A SLICE.

NO, THANKS. HEY, MARY, HOW ABOUT
SOME PIZZA? ONLY 40 CENTS A SLICE.

UH, NO THANKS, TED. I COULD
GIVE YOU ONE FOR 35 CENTS A SLICE.

NO, NOT TILL THEY MAKE PIZZA OUT
OF MELBA TOAST AND COTTAGE CHEESE.

OH, HI, LOU. WANT SOME
HOT PIZZA? OH, THANKS, TED.

THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU.

UH...

TED, YOUR ANSWERING SERVICE CALLED
AND LEFT SOME MESSAGES FOR YOU.

OH, THANKS, MAR. SAY, MAR,
WHAT... WHAT DOES THAT WORD SAY?

"FATHER." "FATHER."

I DON'T KNOW ANY MR. FATHER.

NO, NO, TED. NOT "MR.
FATHER," YOUR FATHER.

HE CALLED THREE TIMES FROM GARY, INDIANA,
SAID HE WAS GONNA BE IN TOWN TOMORROW,

AND WOULD COME AND SEE YOU.

OH! WHAT HAPPENED TO TED?

I DON'T KNOW. I JUST MENTIONED THAT
HIS FATHER WAS COMING TO SEE HIM,

AND HE WENT INTO
SHOCK. OH, GOOD!

FOR A MINUTE THERE, I THOUGHT THERE
WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE PIZZA.

TED GETS A MESSAGE THAT HIS FATHER
CALLED, AND THEN HE GOES INTO SHOCK?

YEAH. WELL, IT WAS THE FIRST TIME IN
TED'S LIFE THAT HE'D HEARD FROM HIS FATHER.

HE RAN OFF WHEN TED WAS ABOUT
TWO YEARS OLD, AND NOBODY KNOWS WHY.

TWO YEARS OLD. MUST'VE BEEN
WHEN TED STARTED TO TALK.

ANYWAY, HE JUST WASN'T HIMSELF.

- YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN THE WAY
HE DID THE NEWS TONIGHT.
- HOW?

PERFECTLY!

SO, WELL, WHEN IS THE BIG
REUNION GONNA TAKE PLACE?

WELL, HIS FATHER'S COMING
TO THE STATION TOMORROW.

BOY, YOU KNOW, THAT MUST BE A TOUGH
THING TO LIVE WITH ALL THESE YEARS.

I MEAN, NEVER KNOWING
WHO YOUR FATHER REALLY IS.

YOU KNOW, MARY, I'VE OFTEN WONDERED
IF MY MOTHER IS REALLY MY MOTHER.

I MEAN, I THINK I
WAS BORN A GYPSY,

AND AS AN INFANT, WAS KIDNAPPED BY
A ROVING BAND OF JEWISH HOUSEWIVES.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER. OKAY.

HI. RHODA. MARY.

HI. I'VE GOTTA TALK TO YOU.

SURE. SURPRISE, SURPRISE!

AH, GEORGETTE! HI!
GEORGETTE, HOW ARE YA?

JUST GREAT. GEE,
YOU'RE LOOKIN' GOOD.

OH, WHAT A PRETTY
CAMEO. IS THAT NEW?

I HOPE NOT. I BOUGHT IT AT AN
ANTIQUE STORE. YOU'RE SILLY!

BYE-BYE. BYE-BYE. SEE YA.

GEORGETTE, IT'S BEEN SO LONG.
YOU LOOK DIFFERENT. WHAT'D YOU DO?

SOMETHING WITH YOUR HAIR. DID YOU
DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT TO YOUR HAIR?

WE GONNA TALK
ABOUT HER ALL NIGHT?

MARY, WHAT AM I GONNA DO ABOUT MY FATHER?
PLEASE, YOU'VE GOTTA HELP ME. PLEASE.

- WELL, TED...
- WILL YOU HOLD YOUR THOUGHT A SEC?

I'VE GOTTA CALL MY
ANSWERING SERVICE.

HE WAS SO UPSET
AT DINNER TONIGHT,

WE DROVE OFF WITH THE TRAY
STILL STUCK TO THE CAR DOOR.

COME ON. SIT DOWN.

HELLO? THIS IS TED BAXTER.

I JUST LEFT 876-4321. I'M
NOW AT 555-2312. THANK YOU.

MARY, THERE'S SOMETHING
I WANT YOU TO DO FOR ME.

I WANT YOU TO COVER FOR ME WITH LOU
WHEN I DON'T COME TO WORK TOMORROW.

WHY AREN'T YOU COMING
TO WORK TOMORROW?

BECAUSE HE DOESN'T
WANT TO SEE HIS FATHER.

ISN'T THAT AWFUL? A
PERSON'S VERY OWN FATHER.

WHY SHOULD I SEE HIM? MY OWN
MOTHER DOESN'T WANT TO SEE HIM.

SHE KNOWS HIM A
LOT BETTER THAN I DO.

BOY, WHEN I THINK
OF THOSE NIGHTS AS A

LITTLE BOY I USED TO
WALK PAST HER BEDROOM...

AND HEAR THOSE
CRIES OF SADNESS...

AT LEAST I THINK THEY
WERE CRIES OF SADNESS.

WELL, I THINK WHEN HE COMES THERE
TOMORROW, YOU SHOULD BE THERE TO MEET HIM.

- DON'T YOU, MARY?
- WELL, UH, YEAH. I GUESS I DO.

OH, YEAH? WHERE WAS MY
FATHER WHEN I NEEDED HIM?

WHERE WAS HE WHEN I WAS FIGHTING
FOR MY LIFE IN ALBANY, NEW YORK,

PLAYING UNCLE FUZZY IN THAT
SATURDAY MORNING KID'S SHOW?

"HI, THERE, BUCKAROOS!"
WHERE WAS HE THEN?

WHERE WAS HE WHEN I WAS DOING
THOSE BAND REMOTES IN ALTOONA?

"AND NOW, FROM HIGH ATOP THE
HOTEL ADAMS IN DOWNTOWN ALTOONA,

IT'S THE RIPPLING
RHYTHM OF RAY ROMERO."

WHERE WAS HE THEN?

WHERE WAS HE WHEN I
WAS PLAYING THAT CRUMMY

CLASSICAL MUSIC STATION
IN BENNINGTON, VERMONT?

"AND NOW THE THIRD MOVEMENT
OF THE FIRST PIANO CONCERTO...

BY SERGEI RACHMONOVICH."

WHERE WAS HE THEN? I JUST DON'T WANNA
SEE HIM, MARY. YOU'VE GOTTA COVER FOR ME.

BUT, TED, I DON'T THINK YOU
SHOULD ASK MARY TO LIE FOR YOU.

NO, NEITHER DO I. TED, LOOK. I
CAN UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL.

BUT IF YOU'RE NOT COMING TOMORROW,
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TELL MR. GRANT.

WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MISS
"HIGH AND MIGHTY WON'T LIE FOR A BUDDY."

THIS IS TED BAXTER. I'M
NOW LEAVING 555-2312.

I'LL NEVER BE AT
THIS NUMBER AGAIN.

MR. GRANT, UH...

MR. GRANT, YOU KNOW, MR. CALDWELL
CALLED, AND HE'S ON HIS WAY UP.

YEAH?

I THOUGHT THAT SINCE HE IS THE NEW OWNER
OF THE STATION, YOU MIGHT WANNA GET READY.

OKAY. I'M READY.

AND TED WANTS TO
SEE YOU. WHAT ABOUT?

WELL, HE GAVE ME THIS NOTE. IT
SAYS THAT HE LOST HIS VOICE. HMM?

MR. GRANT, TED'S FATHER IS
COMING TO THE STATION TODAY,

AND TED WANTS TO TAKE THE DAY
OFF SO HE WON'T HAVE TO SEE HIM.

LOST HIS VOICE, HUH?
OKAY, MARY. I'LL HANDLE IT.

TELL HARPO TO COME ON IN.

HI, TED.

WHAT?

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

EYE. LOOK?

OH. LOST. YEAH?

MY... TEETH.

NECK. THROAT.

AHH, VOICE. "I LOST MY VOICE."

OH, YOU LOST YOUR VOICE.

WELL, GEE, TED, THAT'S TOO BAD.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

EYE. MM-HMM.

SWIM.

GO. I GO. YEAH.

IT LOOKS LIKE FUN, LOU.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

I DON'T KNOW.

TED LOST HIS VOICE, AND THIS
SEEMS TO BE CHEERING HIM UP.

TED, YOU KNOW WHAT I
THINK YOU OUGHTA DO?

TAKE THE DAY OFF AND
GO SEE A DOCTOR. THERE.

MARY, TED'S NOT GONNA
BE ABLE TO DO THE SHOW

TONIGHT. TELL GORDIE
HE'LL HAVE TO REPLACE HIM.

RIGHT. AND TELL GORDIE
HE'LL BE INTERVIEWING...

THE WINTER CARNIVAL
SNOW QUEEN. WHAT A SHAME.

- AND THAT'S TED'S FAVORITE
INTERVIEW, TOO, ISN'T IT?
- MM-HMM. YEAH.

AND ALSO MAKE A NOTE TO
DOCK TED FOR A DAY'S PAY.

WAIT A MINUTE! I THINK IT'S COMING
BACK. YES, THERE IT IS. I CAN HEAR IT NOW.

THERE IT IS.

IT'S BACK. THE VOICE
OF TED BAXTER IS BACK.

HE CAN TALK AGAIN. OH, WELL. THE
LORD GIVETH, AND THE LORD TAKETH AWAY.

ALL RIGHT, TED. SUPPOSE YOU
TELL ME WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT.

LOU, I DON'T WANT TO SEE MY
FATHER. PLEASE, LET ME GO HOME.

TED, IT'S PROBABLY GONNA BE A LOT EASIER
THAN YOU THINK. WHAT IF HE DOESN'T LIKE ME?

WHY SHOULDN'T HE LIKE
YOU? HE DOESN'T KNOW YOU.

WHAT AM I GONNA SAY TO HIM?
WHAT ARE WE GONNA TALK ABOUT?

I JUST DON'T THINK I CAN GO THROUGH
WITH IT. YOU HAVE TO TALK TO HIM.

HE'S YOUR OWN FLESH
AND BLOOD. I KNOW THAT.

YEAH. IF IT WEREN'T FOR HIM,
YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE. TED...

I KNOW. HOW WILL YOUR
FATHER FEEL IF WE TELL HIM...

THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE
HIM? YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT.

GOOD MORNING.

AREN'T YOU TED BAXTER?

HERE I AM.

I'M SO GLAD TO SEE YOU!

EXCUSE ME. I'M LOOKING FOR
TED BAXTER. I'M HIS FATHER.

ARE YOU SURE?

SORRY I'M HUGGING YOU.

WELL, THIS IS A VERY NICE TOUR. THIS IS
MY DRESSING ROOM, WHERE IT ALL HAPPENS.

VERY NICE. THIS IS WHERE I COME
TO REFLECT AND CONTEMPLATE,

AWAY FROM THE OUTSIDE
TURMOIL OF THE WORLD.

YOU MIGHT, UH, SAY
THIS IS MY CAMP DAVID.

HEY. OH, YES, I KNEW THEM ALL,
THE GREAT AND THE NEAR-GREAT.

"TO MY FAVORITE NEWSCASTER, FROM
DWIGHT EISENHOWER." GOOD OLD IKE.

FUNNY, HE SPELLED
"DWIGHT" WITH TWO T's.

BOY, I NEVER
NOTICED THAT BEFORE.

WELL, THAT, UH, MAKES IT ALL
THE MORE VALUABLE, DOESN'T IT?

I'M GLAD TO SEE
YOU'RE DOING SO WELL.

IF YOU CALL BEING
WATCHED AND LOOKED UP TO

AND ADMIRED BY MILLIONS
OF PEOPLE DOING WELL,

I GUESS YOU COULD
SAY THAT. WELL, I'M GLAD.

OF COURSE, YOU DON'T JUST WAKE UP
ONE DAY AND FIND OUT YOU'RE FAMOUS.

IT ALL STARTED FOR ME IN A
5,000-WATT RADIO STATION...

IN FRESNO, CALIFORNIA,
AS A STAFF ANNOUNCER. OH.

THEN THREE YEARS IN ALBANY,

SPILLIN' YOUR GUTS OUT AS UNCLE
FUZZY TO A BUNCH OF KNOW-NOTHIN' KIDS...

WHO HAD FATHERS.

IT WAS HARD, LONG AND LONELY...

LONELY ROAD TO THE
TOP, I CAN TELL YOU THAT.

I CAN IMAGINE.

HOW LONG ARE YOU GONNA
STAY IN OUR FAIR CITY?

OH, WELL, UH... HEH! I CAN'T STAY AWAY
FROM MY BUSINESS TOO LONG, YOU KNOW, EH?

WHAT, UH, BUSINESS ARE
YOU IN? LAUNDROMATS.

- A CHAIN?
- NO, JUST ONE.

EIGHT WASHERS AND SIX DRYERS.

ON A GOOD DAY, I GUESS I CAN FLUFF
AND FOLD 1,200 POUNDS OF WASH.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. OH, YEAH.

FUNNY, ISN'T IT? YOU AND ME
SITTING HERE, TALKING FATHER TO SON?

- YEAH, IT'S FUNNY.
- HAVE YOU GOT A CAR?

YES. WHY?

YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD NEVER
PICK UP HITCHHIKERS, DON'T YA?

I NEVER PICK UP
HITCHHIKERS. OH, GOOD.

DO YOU PLAY CARDS? YES.

YOU SHOULD NEVER GET INTO
A CARD GAME WITH STRANGERS.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW ALL
ABOUT THAT. I KNOW THAT.

I SUPPOSE SOMEBODY'S
ALREADY TOLD YOU ALL ABOUT SEX.

YES. GOOD. WHO TOLD
YOU, YOUR MOTHER?

NO. I HAD TO PICK IT
UP IN THE STREETS.

OH. WELL, I'M GLAD.

I'D HATE TO HAVE YOU LEARN
ANYTHING LIKE THAT FROM YOUR MOTHER.

EXCUSE ME. CAN I ASK YOU
A QUESTION? OF COURSE.

I KNOW I ASKED YOU
THIS BEFORE, BUT...

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE MY FATHER?

I MEAN, NOTHING PERSONAL,
MIND YOU. I'M SURE.

WELL, I... I'D LIKE TO
SEE SOME PROOF.

I MEAN, ANY TOM, DICK OR
HARRY CAN COME OFF THE

STREETS AND SAY THEY'RE
MY FATHER, YOU KNOW.

HERE WE ARE. THERE.

THERE'S YOUR MOTHER, AND THAT'S ME HOLDING
YOU WHEN YOU WERE ONLY SIX MONTHS OLD.

YOU LOOK SO DIFFERENT.
YOU LOOK ALMOST LIKE ME.

WELL, IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? HOW'D YOU END
UP LIKE THIS? WERE YOU SICK OR SOMETHIN'?

NO. WELL, YOU MUST'VE DONE SOMETHING
TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK LIKE THIS.

WHAT, DO YOU DRINK A LOT?

NO. I GUESS IT'S JUST OLD
AGE CATCHIN' UP WITH ME.

YOU REALLY, REALLY
ARE MY FATHER.

YES, TED.

I'M YOUR FATHER.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

COME IN. TED, HERE'S
YOUR COPY FOR TONIGHT.

OH, THANKS, MURRAY. OH,
HELLO. I DON'T THINK WE'VE MET.

OH, MURRAY, THIS... TED'S FATHER! OF
COURSE! I WOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU ANYWHERE.

MARY? COME ON IN.

MARY, I'M GOING CRAZY.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOU GOTTA SAVE ME. YOU CANNOT
IMAGINE WHAT'S GOING ON UP THERE.

IT'S UNBELIEVABLE. THE MOST BORING EVENING
I'VE EVER HAD TO GO THROUGH IN MY LIFE.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TELL HIM YOU
DON'T FEEL WELL? MAYBE HE'LL GO HOME.

TELL WHO? I'M ALONE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF.
I MEAN, THERE'S NOTHING TO DO. I JUST...

EXCUSE ME. HMM.

MARY, EVER WONDERED WHAT
YOU'D LOOK LIKE BLONDE? FORGET IT.

WELL, MAYBE I'LL GO UPSTAIRS
AND READ MY OLD LOVE LETTERS.

THAT OUGHTA KILL A
MINUTE AND 15 SECONDS.

MARY, MY FRIEND, I HATE TO SAY
IT, BUT I'M BORED DOWN HERE TOO.

WELL, RHODA, I'M TRYING TO MAKE THIS
AS FASCINATING FOR YOU AS POSSIBLE,

BUT I'M AFRAID IT'S THE ONLY
WAY I KNOW TO SET A TABLE.

- AM I BORED. DO YOU KNOW HOW BORED I AM?
- HOW BORED ARE YOU, RHODA?

I AM SO BORED, I AM GOING UPSTAIRS
AND CALL MY MOTHER AND CHAT A LITTLE.

THAT'S HOW BORED I AM.

MARY? THERE.

HUH. MARY, MARY.

WAIT. THIS MAY BE BETTER
THAN CALLING MY MOTHER.

WHAT'S THE MATTER? MARY, YOU CAN'T
BELIEVE WHAT I'VE JUST GONE THROUGH.

- TELL 'EM, GEORGETTE.
- A LOT!

MARY, THAT WAS THE MOST PAINFUL
NIGHT I'VE EVER SPENT IN MY WHOLE LIFE.

HELLO? THIS IS TED BAXTER. I
AM NOW AT 555-2312. THANK YOU.

TED, COME ON. COME SIT DOWN.

THAT'S GOTTA BE A VERY
EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE,

SEEING YOUR FATHER
AFTER 40 YEARS.

MARY, DO YOU REALIZE THAT SOMEDAY
I'M GONNA LOOK LIKE THAT MAN?

I'M GONNA WAKE UP ONE DAY.

I'M GONNA BE A BALD, LITTLE
OLD MAN WITH A LAUNDROMAT.

NOW, TED, COME ON. NOT ALL SONS
TAKE AFTER THEIR FATHERS. THAT'S RIGHT.

AND MY FATHER'S
DULL, MARY. HE'S DULL.

THEN AGAIN, ON THE OTHER HAND...

MY OWN FATHER, MARY. ALL HE DID
WAS TALK ABOUT HIS LAUNDROMAT.

MARY, TED BAXTER'S
FATHER OWNS A LAUNDROMAT.

TED, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG
WITH OWNING A LAUNDROMAT.

OF COURSE NOT. AND BESIDES,
NOBODY'LL KNOW UNLESS HE CALLS IT...

"TED BAXTER'S
FATHER'S LAUNDROMAT."

ALL MY LIFE I THOUGHT MY FATHER RAN
AWAY TO BECOME BRILLIANT AND FAMOUS.

I ALWAYS THOUGHT
OF HIM AS BEING...

ERIC SEVAREID.

ALL RIGHT, TED. SO YOUR
FATHER ISN'T LIKE ERIC SEVAREID.

NOT LIKE ERIC SEVAREID. I WAS
CONVINCED HE WAS ERIC SEVAREID.

NOW YOU KNOW WHY MR. SEVAREID NEVER
ANSWERED ANY OF YOUR LETTERS, TED.

BOY, IS THE LAUGH ON ME. LOOK
WHAT I GOT. AW, TED. ALL RIGHT.

SO YOUR FATHER ISN'T EVERYTHING YOU
WANTED HIM TO BE. STILL, HE'S YOUR FATHER.

- PEOPLE WHO AREN'T ERIC
SEVAREID CAN BE VERY NICE TOO.
- RIGHT!

TED, COME ON. GIVE THE MAN A CHANCE.
HE MIGHT TURN OUT TO BE ONE TERRIFIC GUY.

TERRIFIC GUY, HUH? TERRIFIC GUY?

I HAVEN'T EVEN TOLD
YOU THE WORST PART YET.

HE WANTED ME TO LEND HIM
$2,000. THAT'S WHY HE CAME HERE.

HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME. ALL HE
WANTS ME TO DO IS LEND HIM $2,000.

DO YOU REALIZE HOW
MUCH MONEY THAT IS, MARY?

TWENTY HUNDRED-DOLLAR BILLS!

HELLO? OH, HELLO,
MR. BAXTER. JUST A MINUTE.

TED!

MR. BAXTER, HE CAN'T COME TO THE
PHONE RIGHT NOW. COULD I TAKE A MESSAGE?

SURE. YOU'RE LEAVING
TONIGHT ON THE 10:30 BUS.

TED, HE'S LEAVING
TONIGHT ON THE 10:30 BUS.

AND YOU'RE SORRY ABOUT
ASKING HIM FOR THE MONEY.

TED, THE MAN'S SORRY
ABOUT THE MONEY.

BUT HE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT,
BECAUSE YOU WON'T BE BOTHERING HIM AGAIN.

NEVER AGAIN.

YOU SAW HIM DO THE NEWS TONIGHT.
YOU THOUGHT HE WAS TERRIFIC.

YOU'RE VERY PROUD OF HIM...

AND THANKFUL FOR
HAVING HIM FOR A SON.

YES, I'LL GIVE HIM THAT MESSAGE.

AND GOOD-BYE TO YOU TOO, SIR.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

I'LL GO DOWN THERE AND
GIVE HIM A LIFT TO THE BUS.

TED? MAYBE ERIC
SEVAREID'S YOUR UNCLE.

SURPRISE. OH!

I DIDN'T EXPECT TO
SEE YOU BEFORE I LEFT.

WELL, WHAT KIND OF A SON
WOULD I BE IF I DIDN'T SAY GOOD-BYE?

WELL, EH, AFTER THIS AFTERNOON...
I'M SORRY I LOST MY TEMPER.

OH, NO. I UNDERSTAND. I HAD NO
RIGHT TO ASK YOU FOR THAT MONEY.

YES, YOU DID. NO, I DIDN'T!

WELL, NO, YOU DIDN'T.

IT'S ENOUGH THAT WE FINALLY
GOT TOGETHER, RIGHT? RIGHT.

SO YOU SAW MY SHOW
TONIGHT, HUH? OH, YEAH.

DO YOU KNOW, I NEVER
ENJOYED THE NEWS MORE?

WHAT PART DID YOU LIKE THE BEST?
I'D SAY THE CRISIS IN THE MIDDLE EAST.

YEAH, THAT WAS MY FAVORITE TOO.

DID YOU LIKE THE WAY I RAISED MY
EYEBROW ON THAT SUPREME COURT DECISION?

NICE TOUCH. USUALLY, I
RAISE MY LEFT EYEBROW,

BUT ONCE IN A WHILE
I LIKE TO MIX IT UP.

I THINK WALTER CONKRITE
MAY BE HEARING FOOTSTEPS.

YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT 'CAUSE
YOU'RE MY FATHER. NO, NO. I MEAN IT.

REALLY? OH, YEAH. REALLY.

DID YOU LIKE THE WAY I SIGNED OFF?
YOU KNOW, THE WAY I CLOSED THE SHOW?

AWW, I MISSED THE END.

YOU SEE, IN HERE THE TV IS
50 CENTS FOR A HALF AN HOUR,

AND I RAN OUT OF QUARTERS
JUST BEFORE THE END OF THE SHOW.

- OF ALL THE PARTS TO MISS!
- MAYBE... MAYBE YOU'D DO IT
FOR ME NOW.

- IF YOU'RE NOT TOO TIRED,
I MEAN.
- YOU REALLY WANNA HEAR IT?

PLEASE.

I'LL SIT HERE AND PRETEND LIKE
YOU'RE ON THE TV. ALL RIGHT?

HUH! OKAY.

- YOU READY?
- READY.

AND NOW, THIS IS TED BAXTER
SAYING GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD NEWS.

WHAT'D YOU THINK?

I LIKED THAT EVEN BETTER THAN
THE CRISIS IN THE MIDDLE EAST!

THANK YOU! OH, LISTEN.
I'D BETTER BE GOING.

IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU.

IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU.

WELL, BE SEEING YOU.

OH, AND, TED, IF YOU EVER HAVE A
PIECE OF BREAD STUCK IN THE TOASTER,

DON'T TRY TO GET
IT OUT WITH A FORK.

YOU MIGHT ELECTROCUTE YOURSELF.

I'LL REMEMBER.

AND WHEN YOU'RE IN A CAR, DON'T
KEEP YOUR ARM OUT OF THE WINDOW.

A TRUCK COULD COME BY AND
RIP IT RIGHT OFF. I UNDERSTAND.

WELL,

BE SEEIN' YOU. UH, WAIT. UH...

I WAS THINKIN' ABOUT WHAT YOU
ASKED ME FOR THIS AFTERNOON.

YOU KNOW, THE, UH... THE MONEY.

RIGHT. THE, UH... THE,
UH... THE, UH... THE $2,000.

I WANT TO GIVE IT TO
YOU. PARDON ME? WHAT?

I WANT TO GIVE IT TO
YOU. THE WHOLE $2,000?

WELL, A THOUSAND NOW, AND... NO, NO,
NO, NO. THE WHOLE... THE WHOLE $2,000.

NO, I CAN'T... I CAN'T... NO,
DON'T TRY TO TALK ME OUT OF IT.

I'M GONNA WRITE YOU A CHECK. I'M
TAKIN' OUT MY CHECKBOOK. NO, NO.

TAKIN' OUT MY PEN.
I'M WRITING THE DATE.

THERE'S THE DATE. NOW
I'M WRITING YOUR NAME...

YOUR NAME, ROBERT BAXTER.

ONE "T" IN ROBERT.

NOW THE AMOUNT, $2,000.

AND NOW MY SIGNATURE.

COULD I SEE THAT PHOTO AGAIN, THE
ONE OF YOU HOLDING ME AS A BABY?

NOW I'M WRITING MY NAME.

I'LL NEVER FORGET THIS.

I'LL NEVER FORGET IT EITHER.

WELL, UH, I GUESS I'D
BETTER GET MOVING, HUH?

GOOD-BYE, SON.

GOOD-BYE, DAD.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF,
TEDDY. YOU TOO.

UH, WAIT. I'LL GIVE
YOU A LIFT TO THE BUS.

YOU'RE A GOOD SON.

THEY DON'T COME ANY BETTER.

HI, GUYS. HELLO,
HELLO, EVERYBODY.

HI. HI. ANYBODY FOR LUNCH?

NO, THANKS, TED. I DON'T
WANT TO BUY ANY PIZZA TODAY.

MARY, YOU WANT TO HAVE LUNCH WITH US?
YOU ALWAYS GIVE OUR TABLE SO MUCH CLASS.

OH! WELL, THANK YOU, GEORGETTE, BUT I
CAN'T. I'VE GOT MUCH TOO MUCH WORK TO DO.

OH, MARY, WOULD YOU
PUT SOME STAMPS ON THIS?

I'M SENDING IT TO MY FATHER.
YEAH, SURE, TED. I'D BE GLAD TO.

THANK YOU. WELL, GOOD-BYE,
GOOD-BYE, EVERYBODY.

GOOD-BYE, GOOD-BYE.

THAT'S REALLY NICE OF
TED. HE SENT A PACKAGE

JUST LIKE THIS LAST
WEEK TO HIS FATHER.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF
IT'S SO NICE. I BET ANYTHING

HE'S MAKING HIS FATHER
WORK OFF THAT $2,000.

- OH, MURRAY. COME ON.
- OH, YEAH?

WELL, WHEN DID YOU LAST SEE A PACKAGE
MARKED, "AIR MAIL SPECIAL. NO STARCH."