Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 4, Episode 4 - The Lou and Edie Story - full transcript

Lou is three and half hours late coming back from lunch, in the process missing an appointment. He implies that he didn't actually eat, but makes up an excuse regarding his whereabouts and the reason for being so late. He finally confides in Mary and Murray that because things have been bad between himself and Edie, they have been going to see a marriage counselor. Lou doesn't like the outcome of the process: the counselor is suggesting a trial separation. As such, Edie is planning on moving out of the house. Leading up to her leaving, the gang at the office don't know what to say to Lou. Before she leaves, Lou tries to understand why she feels the need to leave.

♪ WHO CAN TURN THE
WORLD ON WITH HER SMILE ♪

♪ WHO CAN TAKE A NOTHING DAY ♪

♪ AND SUDDENLY MAKE IT
ALL SEEM WORTHWHILE ♪

♪ WELL, IT'S YOU, GIRL
AND YOU SHOULD KNOW IT ♪

♪ WITH EACH GLANCE AND EVERY
LITTLE MOVEMENT YOU SHOW IT ♪

♪ LOVE IS ALL AROUND
NO NEED TO WASTE IT ♪

♪ YOU CAN HAVE THE TOWN
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE IT ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪♪

MR. CHARNEY, I'M REALLY SORRY...

THAT MR. GRANT'S A LITTLE LATE.



I MEAN, I JUST DON'T
UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED.

HE'S BEEN AT LUNCH FOR
FOUR AND A HALF HOURS.

- TED, DO YOU KNOW WHERE
MR. GRANT MIGHT BE?
- 'FRAID NOT, MAR.

MR. CHARNEY HAS BEEN
WAITING TO SEE HIM...

ABOUT THAT OPENING FOR
A VOICE-OVER ANNOUNCER.

VOICE-OVER ANNOUNCER, EH?

THAT'S A PRETTY IMPORTANT
JOB AROUND HERE, YOU KNOW.

YOU'D BE THE ONE TO SAY...

[Deep Voice] "AND NOW, HERE'S
TED BAXTER WITH THE NEWS."

[Hoarse Voice]
YES, THAT'S RIGHT.

I'M REALLY LOOKING
FORWARD TO INTRODUCING YOU.

YOU KNOW, MR. CHARNEY, I
REALLY THINK IT WOULD BE BETTER...

IF YOU CAME BACK
SOME OTHER TIME.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT. I CAN WAIT.



AH! HERE HE IS NOW,
BACK FROM LUNCH AT LAST.

MARY, COULD YOU GET ME
SOMETHING TO EAT? I'M STARVED.

UH, MR. GRANT?

UH, MR. CHARNEY HERE HAS
BEEN WAITING TO SEE YOU,

AND, UH, I DIDN'T KNOW
WHERE TO REACH YOU.

OH. WELL, WHERE
I WAS... I WAS OUT.

WELL, IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER
WHERE YOU WERE, LOU. RIGHT, MARY?

OH, RIGHT. RIGHT, SURE. IT
DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I EVEN
BROUGHT IT UP. [Chuckles]

SO ANYWAY, MR. GRANT, THIS IS
MR. CHARNEY. HOW YA DOING, CHARNEY?

WELL, ACTUALLY,
WHERE I WAS... I, UH...

I WAS... AT THE BARBER'S.

YEAH. I WENT TO
THE BARBER'S TODAY.

THE BARBER'S? OH, SURE. YEAH.

SURE. A GUY GOES TO THE BARBER'S,
AND, UH, THAT'S WHERE A GUY GOES.

[Giggling]

YOU DIDN'T GO TO
ANY BARBER TODAY.

WHAT WAS IT, LOU? A LITTLE
LOVE IN THE AFTERNOON?

IF YOU WENT TO THE BARBER TODAY, HOW
COME I DON'T SEE ANY TALC ON YOUR NECK?

- ANSWER ME THAT, HUH?
- TED, I REALLY DON'T...

FURTHERMORE, I DON'T SEE ANY
LITTLE TINY HAIRS ON THE COLLAR.

WHERE ARE THOSE LITTLE
TINY HAIRS ON THE COLLAR,

MR. "WENT TO THE BARBER TODAY"?

[Chuckles] I FEEL
LIKE COLUMBO HERE.

TED, GET AWAY FROM ME.

I WENT TO THE BARBER'S TODAY, AND I
DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE ABOUT IT.

OH, SURE, LOU.
[Mary] UH, MR. GRANT.

MR. CHARNEY. OH.

MR. CHARNEY, I'M SORRY ABOUT
KEEPING YOU WAITING HERE.

YOU SEEM FINE FOR THE JOB... IN
FACT, YOU'RE PROBABLY PERFECT,

- SO WHY DON'T YOU
START TOMORROW?
- [Hoarsely] WONDERFUL.

JUST WONDERFUL. THANK YOU.

- [Mouthing Words]
- COMING, MR. GRANT.

I'M SURE HIS VOICE
WILL GET BETTER.

AW, I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT THAT.

LOOK, MARY... I
WASN'T AT ANY BARBER.

BUT IT WASN'T WHAT
TED THOUGHT EITHER.

OH, MR. GRANT, I KNEW IT WASN'T.

NO. IF IT WAS THAT, IT
WOULDN'T TAKE FOUR HOURS.

WOULD YOU, UH, LIKE
TO TALK ABOUT IT?

YEAH, MAYBE I HAVE TO TALK
ABOUT IT... BUT NOT TO YOU.

MAYBE TO MURRAY, 'CAUSE
IT'S A MAN-TO-MAN THING.

OH, MR. GRANT, YOU KNOW, THAT WHOLE
THEORY OF MAN-TO-MAN IS JUST DUMB.

YEAH? YOU AND I HAVE
CONFIDED IN EACH OTHER.

I'VE TOLD YOU THINGS.
YOU'VE TOLD ME THINGS.

NO, I NEVER TOLD
YOU ANYTHING THIS BIG.

WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES
IT MAKE HOW BIG IT IS?

BECAUSE YOU NEVER
TOLD ME ANYTHING THIS BIG.

NO, MARY, TO
EVEN IT UP A LITTLE,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
TELL ME SOMETHING BIG.

WELL, MR. GRANT...

AND IT WON'T WORK IF YOU'RE
CALLING ME MR. GRANT. CALL ME LOU.

WELL, UH...

WOULD THAT BE JUST FOR THE
PURPOSE OF THIS CONVERSATION?

OR FOR, YOU KNOW, ALL TIME?

I'LL DECIDE LATER.

THINK YOU CAN, MARY?

CALL YOU... NOT
MR. GRANT? MM-HMM.

UH, SURE. WELL,
I'M GLAD IT'S OKAY.

OH, YEAH. IT'S
OKAY TO SAY... IT.

REALLY, MARY?

REALLY, LOU.

CALL ME MR. GRANT. THANK YOU.

MAYBE, UH, MAYBE YOU
BETTER SEND MURRAY IN HERE.

I CAN'T TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS.

MR. GRANT, I REALLY
WANT TO TRY TO HELP.

OKAY.

BUT YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME
SOMETHING TO BREAK DOWN THE BARRIER...

SOMETHING SO INTIMATE...

THAT IT'S HARD TO
EVEN THINK ABOUT,

MUCH LESS TALK ABOUT
TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING,

MUCH LESS YOUR OWN BOSS,
WHO YOU HAVE TO FACE EVERY DAY.

WELL, IF IT'S THE ONLY WAY.

SOMETHING INTIMATE?

YEAH. YEAH. OKAY. OKAY.

UH... OKAY. OKAY. UH...

ABOUT A MONTH AGO, I
CAME HOME FROM WORK...

AND IT WAS, YOU
KNOW, REALLY LATE,

AND I WAS EXHAUSTED. MM-HMM.

AND I FOUND, UNDER MY DOOR,
A NOTE FROM RHODA SAYING...

COULD SHE PLEASE SEE ME RIGHT
AWAY, THAT IT WAS IMPORTANT.

WHAT I DID WAS,

I PRETENDED THAT I
HADN'T SEEN THE NOTE.

THAT'S NOTHING,
WHAT YOU JUST SAID.

BELIEVE ME, IT'S NOTHING.

IT'S BORING.

THAT'S NOT AN INTIMATE THING.

IT'S NOT A GETTING-CLOSER THING.

IT'S NOTHING. COMPLETELY
NOTHING. WELL...

OH, MAYBE IT'S, UH, I
GRANT YOU, A CRUDDY THING.

SHAFTING A FRIEND LIKE THAT.

BUT MARY,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
TELL ME THE REAL STUFF...

A REALLY INTIMATE THING.

BUT MR. GRANT, BY
"AN INTIMATE THING,"

THE ONLY THING I CAN
THINK OF THAT YOU MEAN...

MURRAY, MR. GRANT WOULD LIKE
A WORD WITH YOU FOR A MINUTE.

MARY... COME ON. HEY.

SIT DOWN.

YEAH, LOU? CLOSE
THE DOOR. HAVE A SEAT.

NOW YOU'RE BOTH HERE, THERE'S
SOMETHING I WANT TO TELL YOU.

FIRST OF ALL, AS YOU KNOW,

I DIDN'T GO TO THE BARBER.

WELL, HOW ABOUT THAT?

SEE, UH, WHERE I WENT
WAS, UH, WELL, UH...

THINGS HAVE BEEN GETTING
PRETTY BAD WITH, UH, EDIE AND ME,

SO, WELL, UH,

WE'VE BEEN GOING TO A
MARRIAGE COUNSELOR.

OH, MR. GRANT.

A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR? OH, LOU.

YEAH. WELL, I JUST
WANTED TO TELL YOU,

AND SO NOW I'VE TOLD YOU.

OH, AND I'M GLAD YOU DID.

JUST WANTED TO
GET IT OFF MY CHEST.

AND... AND YOU
KNOW, I FEEL BETTER.

JUST LIKE THEY SAY... JUST BY GETTING
IT OFF MY CHEST AND EVERYTHING.

HEY, BOY, WHAT A DIFFERENCE.

LISTEN, I CAN'T... I CAN'T
THANK YOU ENOUGH.

THANKS. THANKS.

YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO
TALK ABOUT IT A LITTLE MORE?

NO, NO, I DON'T NEED TO.

IT ALL STARTED
TO HAPPEN ABOUT...

ABOUT FOUR MONTHS AGO.

WELL, MAYBE FOUR... FOUR
AND A HALF MONTHS AGO.

ON A SUNDAY.

YEAH.

LISTEN, I WANNA THANK YOU AGAIN.

IT REALLY HELPED.

YEAH, IT DID. MR. GRANT, IF
YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT,

YOU KNOW, A LITTLE
LATER, I'LL BE AROUND.

SO WILL MURRAY. YEAH. [Buzzes]

YEAH. WHAT?

WAIT! WAIT. [Grunts]

I'LL BE RIGHT OUT.

EDIE IS OUT THERE.

RIGHT NOW. OKAY. OKAY.

WE'RE ALL GOING TO
ACT VERY NATURALLY.

IF IT COMES UP,

WE WILL SAY THAT WE WERE
ALL IN HERE TALKING ABOUT, UH,

A NEWS SHOW...

OUR NEWS SHOW. INSPIRED, LOU.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY...
EVERYBODY VERY NATURAL NOW.

OKAY? LET'S WALK OUT.

WAIT, WAIT!

WHO'LL GO FIRST? WELL...

OKAY, OKAY. OKAY. LET'S
JUST DO IT THE WAY IT IS,

UH, SO IT'LL LOOK NATURAL.

MURRAY, MARY AND
ME. BOY, GIRL, BOY.

[Whispering] OKAY.

[Murray] EDIE.
HELLO, MRS. GRANT.

[Edie] HELLO. [Ted] LOU,
YOU LUCKY BUM, YOU.

EDIE, IF YOU EVER
DECIDE TO DITCH THIS GUY,

YOU KNOW WHO'S
WAITING IN THE WINGS.

THE OLD SILVER FOX
HIMSELF. [Chuckles]

OKAY, TED. HI, EDIE.

LISTEN. STRANGER
THINGS HAVE HAPPENED.

YOU MAY JUST DECIDE TO KICK
THIS BUM OUT. WHO NEEDS HIM?

OKAY, TED, THAT'S ENOUGH.

REMEMBER, EDIE...
I'LL BE WAITING.

WELL, IF THAT DOESN'T KEEP
THEM TOGETHER, NOTHING WILL.

AW, COME ON NOW, MAR. YOU
GONNA TAKE THIS TEST OR NOT?

YES. I SAID I WOULD. OKAY.

"HOW ROMANTIC ARE YOU?"
QUESTION NUMBER ONE.

"IF YOU WERE SHIPWRECKED
ON A DESERT ISLAND,

"WHO WOULD YOU
WANT TO HAVE WITH YOU?

"'A, ' A CHEF,

'B, ' A SHIPBUILDER,
'C, ' A SONGWRITER?"

- A SHIPBUILDER.
- I'M GONNA PICK THE CHEF.

AW, COME ON.

RHODA, ARE YOU GONNA TAKE
THIS TEST SERIOUSLY OR NOT?

I AM TAKING THE TEST SERIOUSLY.

IF THE CHEF IS GOOD ENOUGH, PEOPLE WILL
HEAR ABOUT HIM AND THEY WILL COME TO US.

RIGHT.

[Arrhythmic Knocking]

- WAS THAT A KNOCK?
- I DON'T KNOW. WAS IT A KNOCK?

I COULDN'T TELL. I
COULDN'T TELL EITHER.

[Lou] IT WAS A KNOCK.

MR. GRANT. [Slurring]
HELLO, MARY.

RHODA. HI, LOU.

I DON'T WANNA
INTERRUPT ANYTHING.

NO, NO, YOU'RE
NOT. WE'RE JUST...

GO ON WITH WHAT YOU WERE DOING.

DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION TO ME.

CAN I TAKE YOUR COAT? NO.

GO ON.

IT'S NOTHING. I SAID GO ON.

OKAY, UH... QUESTION NUMBER TWO.

"IF YOU WERE HAVING A MAN OVER
FOR DINNER FOR THE FIRST TIME,

"WHAT WOULD YOU SERVE?

"FRANKS AND BEANS,
BEEF STROGANOFF...

OR PRESSED DUCK?"

FRANKS AND BEANS.

HAVE YOU TAKEN THIS
TEST BEFORE? HE'S QUICK.

I OBVIOUSLY HAVE
HAD A... A FEW DRINKS.

I'VE GOT TROUBLES.

ARE YOU JUST GONNA SIT
THERE AND DO SOME STUPID TEST?

MR. GRANT, YOU DID
TELL US TO... OH, BOY.

SOME LIFE, HUH?

OH, MR. GRANT. SOME LIFE, HUH?

YEAH. IT SURE IS.

IT'S... SOME LIFE.

DOES SHE KNOW WHAT I
MEAN WHEN I SAY "SOME LIFE"?

WELL, ACTUALLY, LOU,

MARY HERE TOLD ME
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT IT.

EVERYTHING.

MR. GRANT, I KNOW HOW
YOU RESPECT PRIVACY,

YOU KNOW, BUT I FIGURED
THAT WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE,

AND THERE'S NO REASON
TO KEEP ANY SECRETS.

NO, NO. IT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.

WE'RE ALL FRIENDS. WE
SHOULD HAVE NO SECRETS.

RHODA, BY THE WAY...

MARY WAS HOME LAST MONTH WHEN
YOU LEFT THE NOTE UNDER THE DOOR.

SHE JUST PRETENDED SHE WASN'T.

UH, MARY, RHODA,

DID YOU EVER GO TO A
MARRIAGE COUNSELOR?

NO.

NOT ME. [Chuckles]

WELL, WE SHOW UP AT THE
MARRIAGE COUNSELOR'S AROUND NOON.

THE COUPLE AHEAD OF US IS A
BASKETBALL CENTER AND HIS WIFE.

I KNOW WHAT THEIR PROBLEM IS.

HE'S TWO FEET
TALLER THAN SHE IS.

THAT MAN ISN'T GONNA HELP THEM.

ANYWAY, WE SIT DOWN
IN THE WAITING ROOM,

AND I SAY, "EDIE?"

AND SHE SAYS, "WHY DON'T
WE WAIT TILL WE GET INSIDE?"

SO THEN WE GET INSIDE.

SHE POURS OUT OUR
GUTS TO HIM FOR AN HOUR.

YOU KNOW WHAT BOTHERS ME?

MY MARRIAGE
COUNSELOR ISN'T MARRIED.

NEVER HAS BEEN.

AND, YOU KNOW, THEY WANT YOU
TO TELL WHAT'S EVER ON YOUR MIND,

SO I TOLD HIM IT SORT OF
BOTHERED ME THAT HE ISN'T MARRIED.

AND HE MADE A LITTLE JOKE.

HE SAID, "YOU DON'T
HAVE TO BE A WHALE...

TO WRITE MOBY DICK."

SO THAT'S MY LIFE NOW, MARY.

FORTY DOLLARS AN
HOUR, AND HE TELLS ME...

HE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A WHALE.

MR. GRANT, THESE MARRIAGE
COUNSELORS REALLY DO GET RESULTS.

NOT THE ONE I WANTED.
EDIE'S MOVING OUT.

- WHAT?
- MM.

EDIE'S MARRIAGE COUNSELOR...

THINKS WE SHOULD
TRY A TRIAL SEPARATION.

- OH.
- YOU KNOW,

I WAS SITTING
ALONE, HAVING A FEW,

AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF,

"WHAT ARE YOU SITTING HERE
FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF FOR?

GO GET A WOMAN'S POINT
OF VIEW. GO SEE MARY."

I WAS EVEN HOPING
YOU'D BE HERE, RHODA.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU WERE NO HELP AT ALL.

LOOK, I SHOULDN'T
TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE.

WE GOT A LOT TO DO. LET'S
GO BACK TO WORK. SURE, LOU.

SHE'S LEAVING TONIGHT.

TONIGHT? OH, LOU.

WELL, WHAT CAN I SAY, LOU?

WHAT CAN I SAY? YEAH.

I MEAN, WHAT CAN YOU SAY
TO A MAN AT A TIME LIKE THIS?

I DON'T KNOW.

THERE'S NOTHING TO
SAY, LOU. NOTHING TO SAY.

YEAH. YEAH.

WELL, LOU, I JUST
WANTED TO... SAY THAT.

THANKS, MURRAY.

HI, GUYS. HI, TED.

SOMETHING'S HAPPENING
HERE. I CAN TELL BY YOUR FACES.

I HATE IT WHEN EVERYBODY KNOWS
SOMETHING AND I DON'T KNOW IT.

- WHAT IS IT?
- YOU WANT TO KNOW
EVERYTHING, TED?

EDIE'S LEAVING ME TONIGHT, TED.
OKAY, NOW YOU KNOW EVERYTHING.

OH, LOU. LOU, LOU.
WHAT CAN I SAY?

WHAT DID YOU SAY, MURRAY?

I SAID THERE'S NOTHING TO SAY.

THERE'S NOTHING TO SAY, LOU.

I MEAN, NO ONE CAN TRULY TELL HOW
ANOTHER PERSON'S REALLY FEELING.

ALL I'M SAYING, LOU, IS THAT IF YOU
NEED A PAL TO TALK TO, I'LL BE THERE.

OKAY. OKAY, THANKS.

EVEN IF IT'S AFTER HOURS.

EVEN IF IT'S IN THE
MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT...

3:00, 4:00, 5:00, 5:30.

OH, IF IT'S SOME LITTLE
THING RELATED TO WORK...

OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT,
FRANKLY, THAT'S ANOTHER STORY.

THEN I'D JUST AS SOON YOU
WAIT TILL I COME INTO THE OFFICE.

LET'S NOT TAKE
ADVANTAGE. OKAY, BIG FELLA?

I-I WISH I COULD THINK OF
SOME MAGIC SOLUTION FOR YOU...

SOME WAY TO WORK IT OUT.

WELL, MURRAY, WHAT DO YOU AND
MARIE DO WHEN YOU HAVE A PROBLEM?

DO YOU FIGHT? DO
YOU TALK IT OUT?

NO. WHAT DO YOU DO?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO...

WELL, LET'S JUST SAY...

WE GO TO BED INCREDIBLY EARLY.

WOW, MURRAY. TALK ABOUT
STILL WATERS RUNNING DEEP.

THAT'S GREAT, MURRAY.
SO IT'S STILL THE SAME?

NO. IT'S BETTER, LOU. BETTER.

THAT'S... THAT'S GREAT, MURRAY.

THAT'S JUST WONDERFUL.

[Lou] HI, MARY. HOW
DOES THE FILM LOOK?

OH, GREAT. HEY, HOW COME
YOU GUYS ARE HERE SO LATE?

WELL, I'M LEAVING NOW.

UH, LOU, UH, WHEN IS EDIE, UH...

OH, WHEN I GET HOME FROM WORK.

WE MADE A DEAL THAT SHE'D
WAIT TILL I GOT HOME FROM WORK...

SO I WOULDN'T HAVE TO COME
HOME TO AN EMPTY HOUSE.

WELL, LOOK, I'M GONNA BE
HOME ALL NIGHT TONIGHT,

- SO IF...
- THANKS, MURRAY.

GOOD NIGHT, LOU. GOOD
NIGHT, MARY. GOOD NIGHT.

HEY, MR. GRANT, DO YOU WANNA...

GO GET A DRINK OR
SOMETHING BEFORE YOU LEAVE?

OH, NO. NO, THANKS, MARY.

I, UH... I GOT SOME
WORK TO CATCH UP ON.

A LOT OF REALLY IMPORTANT STUFF.

WELL, YOU KNOW...

THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
I'M GONNA DO THAT TOO.

CATCH UP ON SOME WORK AND STUFF.

HEY, YOU'RE NOT
STAYING ON MY ACCOUNT?

I... NO! [Chuckling] NO.

NO, I'M STAYING ON
MY OWN ACCOUNT.

SAY, LOU. [Clears Throat]

CAN I SPEAK TO YOU ABOUT
SOMETHING, MAN-TO-MAN? YES, TED.

IT OCCURRED TO ME, LOU,
THAT I SAID SOMETHING BEFORE.

I DON'T KNOW IF IT CAUSED ANYTHING.
I WAS JUST KIDDING AROUND, SEE.

BUT AS A JOKE, I SAID TO EDIE...

THAT IF SHE EVER
DECIDED TO LEAVE YOU,

THAT I'D BE THERE,
WAITING IN THE WINGS.

WHAT'LL I DO IF SHE CALLS, LOU?

HONEY?

SORRY I'M LATE, EDIE.

ROTTEN DAY AT THE OFFICE.

HELLO, LOU.

I FROZE UP SOME
DINNERS FOR YOU, LOU.

THEY'RE IN TINFOIL
IN THE FREEZER.

ALSO, I LEFT THE ADDRESS AND THE
NUMBER OF THE HOTEL I'M GOING TO...

- ON YOUR DRESSER.
- RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.

AND WHEN I MOVE TO AN APARTMENT
I'LL SEND YOU THE NEW NUMBER.

- RIGHT, RIGHT.
- AND I DIDN'T TAKE
THAT BLUE SUITCASE AFTER ALL.

THOSE LITTLE THINGS BROKE
WHEN I TRIED TO FASTEN IT.

WHAT LITTLE THINGS?
THOSE LITTLE THINGS...

YOU KNOW, THOSE THINGS YOU
FASTEN IT WITH. WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?

THOSE "CLICKY"
THINGS. THEY BROKE.

THOSE CLICKY THINGS HAVE
NO BUSINESS BREAKING. LOU...

AND ANYWAY, WHY
ISN'T THERE A NAME...

FOR THOSE CLICKY
THINGS IN THE FIRST PLACE?

WHY IS IT NECESSARY
FOR A GROWN MAN...

TO HAVE TO GO AROUND SAYING
WORDS LIKE "CLICKY THINGS"?

IF YOU'RE ANGRY
AT ME, JUST TELL ME.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO KEEP
GOING ON ABOUT THE SUITCASE.

ANGRY? AT YOU?

BECAUSE YOU'RE LEAVING?

OH, COME ON.

I'M NOT ANGRY AT YOU.

IT'S PERFECTLY UNDERSTANDABLE.

YOU WANNA TRY YOUR
LITTLE EXPERIMENT.

WHY SHOULD THAT MAKE ME ANGRY?

- BUT YOU ARE ANGRY, LOU.
- EDIE, I'M NOT ANGRY.

I'D TELL YOU IF I WAS ANGRY.

WHY SHOULD THAT MAKE ME ANGRY?

LOU, IF YOU'RE NOT ANGRY,
WHY ARE THERE ORANGE PITS...

ALL OVER YOUR ARM?

PITS.

DAMN PITS ANYWAY.

WHY DO THEY MAKE THINGS
WITH PITS IN THE FIRST PLACE?

THEY... THEY DON'T
SERVE ANY PURPOSE.

CHERRIES, WATERMELONS,
TANGERINES, ALL OF 'EM...

THEY CAN ALL GO TO HELL.

GO TO HELL, ORANGES.

HALF THE TIME,

ALL YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT
WHEN YOU'RE EATING THEM...

IS IF YOU SHOULD
SPIT THE PIT OUT...

OR IF YOU SHOULD STORE THE STUPID
THING IN ONE PART OF YOUR MOUTH...

WHILE YOU'RE EATING
WITH THE OTHER PART.

YOU CAN'T EVEN CONCENTRATE ON
WHAT YOU'RE EATING, HALF THE TIME.

LOU... AND EVEN AFTER YOU
FINISH EATING THE DAMN THING,

THEN YOU HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT
WHERE YOU'RE GONNA PUT THE PIT.

LIKE, IF YOU PUT IT IN AN
ASHTRAY, IT'S DISGUSTING...

AND ASHES GET ALL OVER IT.

AND IT DOESN'T EVEN
LOOK LIKE A FRUIT ANYMORE.

LOOKS LIKE SOME
FURRY, GRAY, DEAD THING.

THAT'S EVEN MORE DISGUSTING.

HOW CAN YOU LEAVE ME, EDIE?

HOW CAN YOU DO IT?

LOU, IT'S NOT YOU. IT'S ME.

I'M 45 YEARS OLD, LOU.

YOU ONLY GO AROUND
ONCE, AND I WANT MORE.

"YOU ONLY GO AROUND ONCE"?

THAT'S A BEER COMMERCIAL, EDIE.

YOU TELLING ME YOU'RE LEAVING
ME FOR A BEER COMMERCIAL, EDIE?

- LOU...
- EDIE, YOU'RE WALKING OUT THAT DOOR,

AND I STILL HAVEN'T
FIGURED OUT WHY.

LOU, I WISH I COULD TELL YOU
IT WAS SOMETHING YOU DID...

WAS SOMETHING I DID...
BUT IT ISN'T THAT EASY.

WHEN I MARRIED YOU,
I WAS 19 YEARS OLD,

AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE
MOST WONDERFUL MAN I EVER MET.

I STILL THINK SO.

BUT I WANT TO LEARN MORE
ABOUT THE REST OF ME...

NOT JUST THE PART
THAT'S YOUR WIFE.

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT I'D DO
WITH A WHOLE WEEK TO MYSELF.

WHAT I'M LIKE WHEN I'M
SCARED AND DEPRESSED,

AND I DON'T HAVE YOU TO
MAKE IT ALL RIGHT AGAIN.

I MAY HATE IT, AND
I MAY SCREW IT UP,

BUT I WANT TO HAVE
TIME TO GET TO KNOW...

EDIE McKENZIE GRANT.

YOU KEEPING THE GRANT?

I'M KEEPING THE GRANT.

- YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET
NEW STATIONERY.
- RIGHT.

IT WAS NOT SUPPOSED
TO TURN OUT THIS WAY.

I HAD IT ALL FIGURED OUT.

SEE, THE WAY IT GOES IS,

YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND,
AND YOU DON'T LEAVE.

I CAME CLOSE, LOU.

I CAME SO CLOSE.

I LOVE YOU, EDIE.

I LOVE YOU, LOU.

AND LISTEN, EDIE.

IF YOU PLAN TO COME
MARCHING BACK TO ME,

I'M WARNING YOU... I'LL...

TAKE YOU RIGHT BACK.

[Knocking] YEAH?

SO, MR. GRANT, WE'RE
ALL KIND OF WONDERING.

HOW'S IT GOING?

NOT BAD, NOT GOOD.

EDIE'S COMING OVER TUESDAY. WE'RE
GONNA TALK. SHE SOUNDED FINE ON THE PHONE.

BUT I'M NOT GETTING
MY HOPES UP. PASS IT ON.

[Mews]