Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 2, Episode 3 - He's No Heavy... He's My Brother - full transcript

♪ WHO CAN TURN THE
WORLD ON WITH HER SMILE ♪

♪ WHO CAN TAKE A NOTHING DAY ♪

♪ AND SUDDENLY MAKE IT
ALL SEEM WORTHWHILE ♪

♪ WELL, IT'S YOU, GIRL
AND YOU SHOULD KNOW IT ♪

♪ WITH EACH GLANCE AND EVERY
LITTLE MOVEMENT YOU SHOW IT ♪

♪ LOVE IS ALL AROUND
NO NEED TO WASTE IT ♪

♪ YOU CAN HAVE THE TOWN
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE IT ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪♪

"THE... COLDEST..."

[ Sneezes ]



AHHH. "NOVEMBER 21st...

IN TWIN... CITIES' HISTORY."

AND THE AIR-CONDITIONING IS ON.

WELL, THE HEAT WAS ON FOR A
WEEK IN AUGUST. IT EVENS OUT.

WILL YOU CHECK THE PREVIOUS LOW IN
GORDY'S WEATHER BOOK FOR ME, PLEASE?

YEAH.

"THE COLDEST NOVEMBER
21st IN TWIN CITIES' HISTORY."

"THE PREVIOUS... LOW..."

"MINNEAPOLIS. NOVEMBER 21,
1929. ONE DEGREE BELOW ZERO."

- AHHH.
- NOW, WAIT! SAINT PAUL
HAD A TWO BELOW.

OH, THOSE PEOPLE ARE SO
COMPETITIVE OVER THERE.

HEY, GORDY, WHAT'S YOUR
LATEST TEMPERATURE READING?

TWENTY MINUTES AGO
IT WAS UP TWO DEGREES.

WELL, WHAT DOES
THAT MAKE IT NOW?



101. I'VE BEEN RUNNING
A FEVER ALL DAY.

WELL, THAT'S ONE
WAY OF KEEPING WARM.

AND THAT'S ANOTHER WAY.

MR. GRANT?

HOW'D THE STAFF MEETING GO?

UH-HUH.

- THEY WOULDN'T LET ME
HAVE MY HELICOPTER.
- YOUR HELICOPTER?

YEAH. THEY TURNED DOWN MY REQUEST FOR
A HELICOPTER WITH A LIVE TV CAMERA IN IT.

ONE OF THOSE STATIONS OUT IN
CALIFORNIA HAS ONE, AND IT'S TERRIFIC.

THEY SCOOP EVERYBODY
DURING ALL THOSE BIG

DISASTERS THEY HAVE OUT
THERE. EVEN THE NETWORKS.

WELL, IT SOUNDS GREAT,
BUT, YOU KNOW, HOW MANY

BIG DISASTERS DO WE
HAVE HERE IN MINNEAPOLIS?

HI, GUYS. OH, NICE TIMING, TED.

MARY, I WANT YOU TO READ THIS.

AH. "TO ALL PERSONNEL.
SUBJECT: VACATIONS.

IT HAS BECOME NECESSARY TO INAUGURATE A
NEW VACATION SCHEDULING POLICY BECAUSE...

LAST YEAR, 90% OF ALL
EMPLOYEES TOOK THEIR

VACATIONS DURING THE
SAME TWO WEEKS IN JULY."

NO. WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT?

UH. "HENCEFORTH, AN EMPLOYEE'S
VACATION TIME WILL BE DETERMINED...

BY THE DATE OF HIS
ORIGINAL EMPLOYMENT."

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT ABOUT THE WOMEN?

THE SAME THING APPLIES, TED. OH.

"THE EMPLOYEE MUST TAKE HIS..."
OR HER... "VACATION WITHIN FOUR..."

[ Whistles ] "WEEKS OF THE ABOVE
MENTIONED DATE OR FORFEIT IT."

THAT'S THE DUMBEST
THING I EVER HEARD.

IT'S ABSOLUTELY
RIDICULOUS. I WON'T DO IT.

YEAH. "THIS RULING, OF COURSE, DOES NOT
APPLY TO DEPARTMENT HEADS, PERFORMERS...

AND THOSE EMPLOYEES
COVERED BY UNION CONTRACTS."

- WELL, IT'S NOT SO BAD.
- YEAH, WHO CARES?

UH, MR. GRANT, WHO
DOES THIS COVER?

IN THIS DEPARTMENT? YEAH.

YOU.

SWELL. DO YOU, UH, HAVE ANY IDEA
OF-OF WHEN I STARTED WORKING HERE?

- OH, I GUESS ABOUT A YEAR AGO.
- MM-HMM. IT WAS A YEAR AGO
LAST WEEK.

- HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.
- I HAVE TO TAKE MY VACATION IN
THE NEXT 3 WEEKS OR LOSE IT.

WELL, HAVE A NICE TIME.

OH, BOY. WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO
GO DURING A RECORD COLD SPELL?

HOW ABOUT "HAVAII"?

I WENT THERE ONE WINTER,
HAD A WONDERFUL TIME.

OH, WHERE DID YOU STAY, TED?

WELL, IT WAS A PRETTY EXCLUSIVE
PLACE. I DON'T THINK THEY'D LET HER IN.

WHAT WAS THE NAME OF IT, TED?

WELL, THE, UH, HONOLULU VIE.

OH.

IS THAT "VIE" AS IN WAIKIKI,
OR "VIE" AS IN VIE-M-C-A?

WHO STAYS IN THEIR ROOMS? YOU'RE
ALWAYS OUT ON THE BEACH ANYWAY.

WELL, I COULDN'T AFFORD HAWAII
ANYWAY. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO.

I JUST THOUGHT OF
SOMETHING, MARY. WAIT.

ACTUALLY WINTER
VACATIONS AREN'T TOO BAD. I'VE

BEEN TAKING THEM MYSELF
THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS.

YEAH. WHERE DO
YOU GO? SAINT LOUIS.

SAINT LOUIS? WHEN
YOU GO IN THE WINTER...

YOU CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE
OF THE OFF-SEASON RATES.

WHY WOULD ANYONE
WANT TO GO IN THE WINTER?

IT'S BETTER THAN GOING
IN THE SUMMER. AHHH.

TA-DA! HOW'D YOU LIKE
TO HAVE A TAN LIKE THAT?

BIG DEAL.

JACKIE, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

PUERTO LORENZO IN MEXICO.

OH, WELL, THAT'S THE MOST
GORGEOUS TAN I'VE EVER SEEN.

IT'S REAL TOO.

THE TROUBLE IS I'M AFRAID
I'M GONNA LOSE IT IN A HURRY.

WHY? WORKING IN THE DARKROOM,

YOU WON'T GET AS FADED AS YOU WOULD
IF YOU WORKED IN THE LIGHT ALL THE TIME.

I NEED A VACATION... HE ALMOST
MADE SENSE TO ME THAT TIME.

I GUESS, UH, THIS PUERTO LORENZO
PLACE IS PRETTY EXPENSIVE, HUH?

NO, MY GIRLFRIEND AND I HAD A DOUBLE ROOM
FOR ONLY $12 A DAY. THAT'S ALL IT COST US.

WELL, THAT... SOUNDS PERFECT.

IT DOES. I THINK I'LL GO
THERE ON MY VACATION.

I'LL BE ABLE TO... BRUSH
UP ON MY SPANISH.

TED, IT'S HARD FOR ME
TO BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN

SPEAK SPANISH WHEN YOU'RE
BARELY FLUENT IN ENGLISH.

OH, REALLY? LISTEN TO THIS.

[ Spanish Accent ]
SENORITA, HOW ARE YOU?

FINE, THANK YOU.

TED, THAT'S NOT
SPEAKING SPANISH.

WELL, SHE UNDERSTOOD
ME, DIDN'T SHE?

[ Knocking ]

HI, KID. HI.

AHHH. I GOT YOU YOUR
COCOA. AH, THANK YOU.

HERE. HEY, RHODA?

HOW'D YOU LIKE TO GET OUT OF THE
COLD? MARY, I AM OUT OF THE COLD.

AND I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR
LETTING ME STAND HERE IN THE WARM.

I MEAN, OUT OF THIS
MINNEAPOLIS WEATHER.

LEAVE? WHEN IT'S ONE
BELOW ZERO? NEVER.

WHAT?

MARY, I CAME TO MINNEAPOLIS
BECAUSE OF THE COLD.

I FIGURED IF I WAS
FROZEN, I'D KEEP BETTER.

I MEAN, ANY STATE WHERE
THE STATE FLOWER IS AN ICICLE...

I JUST FOUND OUT THAT I GOTTA TAKE MY
VACATION IN THE NEXT COUPLE OF WEEKS.

YEAH? I ALWAYS TAKE MY
VACATIONS IN THE WINTER.

LESS COMPETITION AT
THE BEACHES. YEAH, RIGHT.

THERE'S THIS GIRL AT THE
STATION WHO JUST GOT

BACK FROM A PLACE WHERE
IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER...

THE BEACHES ARE WARM AND
SUNNY AND THERE ARE PALM TREES,

AND THE PEOPLE THERE SPEAK
HARDLY ANY ENGLISH AT ALL.

IT'S CALLED MIAMI BEACH.

DOES THIS LOOK LIKE MIAMI BEACH?

YEAH. I REMEMBER HER.

SHE'S THE LADY THAT PLAYED
CARDS WITH MY MOTHER BY THE POOL.

RHODA, THAT HAPPENS
TO BE AN AZTEC SUN GOD.

YOU PUT STRETCH PANTS
AND WEDGIES ON HER...

AND YOU GOT THE LADY THAT
PLAYED CARDS WITH MY MOTHER.

MARY, WHERE IS THIS PLACE?

IT'S IN A PLACE... IT'S
PUERTO LORENZO, MEXICO.

AND THE GIRL AT THE STATION JUST GOT BACK
FROM THAT PLACE WITH THE MOST GORGEOUS TAN.

WOW. MEXICO, HUH? YEAH.

I'LL SEE IF I CAN GET OFF WORK.
IS THE WEEK AFTER NEXT OKAY?

TERRIFIC. I'LL CALL A
TRAVEL AGENT TOMORROW

AND GET HIM WORKING ON
THE ARRANGEMENT, HUH?

OKAY. THIS IS GONNA BE FUN.

YEAH. HEY, MAR, DO
YOU SPEAK ANY SPANISH?

- NO, JUST A LITTLE FRENCH. HOW ABOUT YOU?
- TWO YEARS OF HEBREW.

FRENCH AND HEBREW IN MEXICO.
IT'S GONNA BE A WEIRD VACATION.

[ Laughs ]

MAR, I WANT YOU TO CALL LOS
ANGELES AND SEE IF YOU CAN GET...

THAT'S RIGHT, UH, THE PLAYA HOTEL
IN, UH, PUERTO LORENZO, MEXICO.

AND, UH, WE WANT A DOUBLE ROOM.

AND I UNDERSTAND THAT
THE, UH, RATE IS, UH, $12 A DAY?

GOOD. YES, I'LL
HOLD. YES, MR. GRANT?

THAT STATION WITH THE HELICOPTER
IN LOS ANGELES. I WANT YOU TO CALL...

UH, P-U-E-R-T-O L-O-R-E-N-Z-O.
UH, THE PLAYA HOTEL.

P-L-A-Y-A. THANK YOU.

HE'S LOOKING IT UP.

WONDERFUL. W-O-N-D-E-R-F-U-L.

I'LL GET LOS ANGELES FOR YOU.

UH, NO. NOT FOR
YOU. FOR MY, UH...

BIRTH CERTIFICATE FROM MY VISITOR'S
VISA? GEE, I DON'T KNOW WHERE MINE IS.

WHILE I TRY AND LOCATE
IT, UH, WHY DON'T YOU

GO AHEAD AND WORK ON
GETTING RESERVATIONS?

OKAY. BYE.

YOU CALLING LOS ANGELES FOR ME?

- UM. MY MOTHER.
- I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HER.

WELL, I'LL JUST BE A...
HELLO, MOM? HI. MARY.

FINE, THANK YOU. MY
MOTHER. OF COURSE.

AND YOU? GOOD.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE
MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE IS?

I NEED IT IN SORT OF A
HURRY SO I CAN GO TO MEXICO.

NO, MOM. I'M NOT
GETTING MARRIED.

NO, RHODA AND I, WE'RE GONNA GO THERE
ON OUR VACATION. YOU THINK YOU CAN FIND IT?

[ Phone Ringing ]
GOOD, UH, IT'S JUST...

MURRAY, COULD YOU GET THAT? I'M
ON LONG DISTANCE WITH MY MOTHER.

I'D LIKE YOU TO LOOK FOR IT
WHILE I WAIT. YEAH, RHODA ON TWO.

HI. YEAH, I GOT THE TRAVEL
AGENT WORKING ON IT RIGHT NOW.

LUNCH? UH, YEAH, I
GUESS SO, IF WE HURRY.

HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT NEW LITTLE
MEXICAN RESTAURANT THAT JUST OPENED?

YOU KNOW, WHERE THE NEW
LITTLE HUNGARIAN ONE JUST CLOSED.

GOOD. OKAY, I'LL SEE
YOU THERE IN 15 MINUTES.

BYE-BYE.

HELLO, MOM? ARE YOU THERE?

[ Phone Ringing ] I GUESS
SHE HASN'T FOUND IT YET.

NEWSROOM. TRAVEL AGENCY FOR YOU.

HI. DID YOU GET
THE RESERVATIONS?

BOOKED UP? OH, NO. WELL, WHAT'S
THE EARLIEST YOU CAN GET US IN?

LATE MAY.

NO, UH, I GUESS NOT. NO,
THANK YOU... ANYWAY. GOOD-BYE.

GEE, THAT'S TOO BAD.
SOUNDED TERRIFIC.

DON'T FORGET YOUR MOTHER. AH.

HELLO, MOTHER?
YOU COULDN'T FIND IT?

THE LITTLE BRACELET
WITH "BABY RICHARDS" ON IT?

NO, DON'T BOTHER TO SEND IT, MOM. I
DON'T THINK I'M GOING TO MEXICO AFTER ALL.

[ Phone Ringing ] UH, HANG
ON A MINUTE, MOM, WILL YOU?

NEWSROOM. HELLO, MARY?

BUENOS DÍAS.

OH, BUENOS DÍAS, HERNANDO.

OH, NO, I'M NOT
HERNANDO. I'M GUSTAVO.

HERNANDO QUIT AND WENT BACK TO
MEXICO. MINNEAPOLIS IS TOO COLD FOR HIM.

IS THIS AUTHENTIC MEXICAN FOOD?
I WANT TO TRY THE REAL THING.

OH, EVERYTHING WE SERVE
IS AUTHENTIC MEXICAN.

GOOD.

UH, DO YOU OWN THIS PLACE?

YEAH, I JUST OPEN A WEEK AGO. RIGHT NOW I
DO EVERYTHING. THE COOKING, WAIT TABLES.

YOU SEE, THE MEXICAN POPULATION
IN MINNEAPOLIS IS VERY SMALL.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, NOW
THAT HERNANDO'S GONE, I'M IT.

WELL, MY GIRLFRIEND AND I ARE TAKING
A VACATION TO MEXICO JUST NEXT WEEK.

AND, UH, WE WANTED TO TRY SOME
OF YOUR GENUINE MEXICAN CUISINE.

"EL ZAPATO ROJO."

ZAPATO. A WORD I
KNOW. I SAW THE MOVIE.

WITH MARLON BRANDO.

- VIVA ZAPATO, RIGHT?
- OH, THAT'S ZAPATA.

"ZAPATO" MEANS SHOE. "EL
ZAPATO ROJO," THE RED SHOE.

OH, THAT'S AN UNUSUAL
NAME FOR A RESTAURANT.

THERE MUST BE AN
INTERESTING STORY BEHIND THAT.

NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

HI. OH, HI, MAR.

BUENOS DÍAS. HI.

OH, MARY, I CAN HARDLY WAIT
TO TRY SOME OF THESE THINGS.

HEY, WHAT DO YOU RECOMMEND? THE "ENCHILADAS
RANCHEROS" OR THE "CHILI VERDE"?

WE'RE NOT GOING TO MEXICO, RHODA.
I COULDN'T GET THE RESERVATIONS.

I'LL HAVE A CHEESEBURGER.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I
SWITCHED MY VACATION FROM

JUNE TO DECEMBER, AND
YOU SAY WE'RE NOT GOING.

I'M SORRY, BUT THAT PUERTO LORENZO PLACE
WAS ALL BOOKED UP. THERE'S ONLY ONE HOTEL.

OH, RHODA. OH, IT'S OKAY, MAR.

I ALWAYS WANTED TO SPEND
MY VACATION IN MY ROOM.

OH, COME ON. DON'T MAKE IT WORSE.
LOOK, WE'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.

UH, UH, PARDON ME. UH, SINCE I WAS
EAVESDROPPING, I COULDN'T HELP OVERHEARING.

YOU WANT TO GO TO PUERTO
LORENZO? CAN YOU GET US IN THERE?

NO. BUT I KNOW OF A BETTER PLACE DOWN
THE COAST. NOT RUINED YET BY YOU TURISTAS.

SAN LEON. I CAN GET YOU IN
THE HOTEL THERE, IF YOU WANT.

OH, WELL, UH, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH, BUT I DON'T THINK SO.

WHAT? UH, WE'RE-WE ARE ACTUALLY
THINKING OF ANOTHER PLACE.

- WHAT OTHER PLACE?
- RHODA...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I
COME BACK WHEN YOU DECIDE.

HE COULD GET US IN
THAT PLACE, AND YOU'RE

GONNA TURN HIM DOWN?
WE'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN HIM.

YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN
TO TRUST PEOPLE.

- BUT WE DON'T KNOW HIM.
- HOW WELL DID YOU KNOW
THAT TRAVEL AGENT, HMM?

I GOT HIS NAME OUT
OF THE PHONE BOOK.

HEY, GUSTAVO, ARE YOU
LISTED IN THE PHONE BOOK?

OH... NOT YET.
I'LL BE NEXT WEEK.

GOOD. IT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

UH, GO AHEAD AND TRY AND
GET US IN THAT PLACE, HUH?

OKAY, I'LL GIVE YOU A CALL WHEN I MAKE THE
ARRANGEMENTS. WHAT'S YOUR PHONE NUMBER?

555-2312.

OKAY, I'LL CALL YOU WHEN I
FIND OUT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

UH, RHODA, IF YOU'RE SO TRUSTING, UM,
HOW COME YOU GAVE HIM MY PHONE NUMBER?

YOU CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL, MAR.

HEY, MAR, LISTEN TO THIS ONE.

"WHITE CORAL SANDS KISSED
BY THE WARM, TANGY SURF.

"BALMY BREEZES GENTLY
WAFT BLUE AND VELVET NIGHTS.

ALL THIS CAN BE
YOURS FOR ONLY..."

GEE, YOU THINK WE WOULD'VE HEARD
FROM GUSTAVO BY NOW, WOULDN'T YOU?

"CARIBBEAN CRUISES
FOR SWINGING SINGLES.

"CRUISES LEAVING NASSAU, 20
CARIBBEAN ISLANDS, ALL MEALS INCLUDED,

- $100..."
- PERFECT.

"A DAY."

WELL, JUST KEEP LOOKING. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO
TURNED ME ON TO THIS VACATION IN THE SUN.

YOU AND YOUR... FRIEND GUSTAVO.

AW, HE WAS JUST TRYING TO IMPRESS
YOU, MARY. DON'T YOU KNOW THAT?

[ Phone Ringing ] WHEN HE
FINALLY GETS AROUND TO CALLING,

HE'LL PROBABLY SAY,
"I'M SORRY I COULDN'T GET

THE RESERVATIONS, BUT
WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO OUT?"

HELLO?

OH, HELLO. UH, BUENAS, UH,
NOCHES TO YOU TOO, GUSTAVO.

YOU GOT... THE RESERVATIONS?

WELL, NO, IT'S JUST THAT
WE HADN'T HEARD FROM

YOU IN-IN A COUPLE OF
DAYS SO WE FIGURED...

WELL, NO, NO, WE
HAVEN'T MADE ANY PLANS.

OH, WELL, THAT SOUNDS PERFECT.

OH, GUSTAVO, THIS WAS
SO NICE OF YOU TO DO. I...

GEE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT
TO SAY TO SAY THANK...

UH... YOU KNOW, IF THERE'S EVER
ANYTHING THAT-THAT I CAN DO, UH...

WE'LL STOP IN AND SEE YOU
AND THANK YOU IN PERSON.

ADIOS, UH, TO YOU TOO.

SEE, WHAT'D I TELL YOU, MAR? YOU'VE
GOT TO LEARN TO TRUST PEOPLE.

SAY, MAR, UH, WOULD YOU TELL THE
CATERER TO GET HERE ABOUT 12:45?

UH, THE CATERER?
OH, Y-YOU MEAN, THE...

THAT'S RIGHT. THE
CATERER. UH, AT 12...

45.45. YES, I'LL CALL HIM.

UH, WHAT'S THIS
CATERER BUSINESS?

I AM BEING INTERVIEWED BY THE
TV EDITOR OF THE TIMES HERALD.

I THOUGHT INSTEAD OF SOME NOISY RESTAURANT,
IT WOULD ADD A TOUCH OF CLASS...

IF I HAD LUNCH CATERED
IN MY DRESSING ROOM.

HMM. MARY, WHEN YOU SPEAK TO
TED'S CATERER, WOULD YOU ASK HIM...

TO STOP BY THE DRUG COUNTER AND
SEE IF MY PRESCRIPTION IS READY YET?

[ Laughs ] YEAH.

OH, SAY, LOU... WHAT?

THE TV EDITOR OF THE TIMES
HERALD IS COMING FOR BRUNCH. YEAH?

I WAS WONDERING IF YOU MIGHT
GET ONE OF THE STAGEHANDS...

TO SET UP A TABLE AND SOME
CHAIRS IN MY DRESSING ROOM.

SURE, TED. AND MAYBE I COULD PUT ON A
WHITE COAT AND PRETEND I'M YOUR HOUSEBOY.

YOU'RE KIDDING, AREN'T
YOU? WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I DON'T KNOW. WITH
YOU, IT'S SO HARD TO TELL.

SINCE I'M GONNA BE
GONE ALL NEXT WEEK,

I'VE ORGANIZED EVERYTHING THAT
I'D ORDINARILY BE DOING. MM-HMM.

I'VE GOT THE PROGRAM LOGS FOR
THE WEEK HERE. AND YOU CAN SEE...

OVER IN THIS COLUMN ARE THE
COMMERCIAL BILLINGS. UH, MARY...

UH, THE TIMINGS... I DON'T HAVE TO
BE TOLD HOW TO READ A PROGRAM LOG.

DO YOU REMEMBER WHO
TAUGHT YOU TO READ A

PROGRAM LOG WHEN YOU
FIRST STARTED ON THIS JOB?

UH, YES. MURRAY.

THAT'S BECAUSE I TOLD HIM TO.

WHO DO YOU THINK TAUGHT MURRAY
TO READ A PROGRAM LOG CORRECTLY?

ACTUALLY, MARY DID. THE WAY
YOU SHOWED ME WAS WRONG, LOU.

[ Clears Throat ]

I'LL, UH, JUST GO CHECK ON
TED'S TABLE. UH, THANKS, MAR.

UH, EXCUSE ME. HMM?

IS MISS RICHARDS HERE?
YEAH, SHE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

OH, I'LL TAKE THAT,
FELLA. THAT'S MINE.

NO. THIS IS FOR MISS RICHARDS.

NO, IT ISN'T. IT'S FOR ME.

THAT'S NOT FOR YOU.
WILL YOU GIVE ME THAT?

YOU JUST BLEW YOUR TIP, FELLA.

YEAH, A WHOLE DIME
RIGHT DOWN THE DRAIN.

SAY, TED, I-I DON'T THINK THAT'S
FOR YOU. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
SAW A BOX LUNCH GIFT WRAPPED?

YOU SHOULD'VE SAID SOMETHING.

[ Speaking Spanish ]

OH, GUSTAVO. OH, HI, MISS
RICHARDS. HOW ARE YOU?

OH, FINE. TODAY'S MY LAST
DAY BEFORE THE VACATION.

OH, GUSTAVO... HE
WAS THE NICE MAN WHO

ARRANGED FOR RHODA
AND ME TO GO TO SAN LEON.

HE OWNS THAT NEW MEXICAN
RESTAURANT DOWN THE STREET.

NO KIDDING? LAST TIME I HAD NEW MEXICAN
FOOD WAS WHEN I WORKED IN ALBUQUERQUE.

[ Spanish Accent ] I MUST COME THERE
AND HAVE DINNER SOMETIME. CIAO!

MISS RICHARDS... OH, MARY.

MARY. UM, I WAS WONDERING SINCE,
AH, I DID A SMALL FAVOR FOR YOU,

IF YOU COULD DO A
SMALL FAVOR FOR ME?

WHAT FAVOR?

COULD YOU TAKE THIS AND DELIVER IT
FOR ME WHEN YOU GET TO SAN LEON?

WELL, I...

IT WILL ONLY TAKE A FEW
MOMENTS OF YOUR TIME.

WELL, I... YES, I GUESS I COULD.

GRACIAS, MARY. WHEN
YOU GET TO SAN LEON,

GO TO NUMBER 26 CALLE WARREZ.

UH, 26 CALLE WARREZ.

ASK FOR A MAN NAMED LOPEZ.

[ Mary ] LOPEZ.

TELL HIM YOU WILL LIKE TO KNOW
WHERE PILAR IS LIVING. PILAR.

WHEN YOU GET TO THAT ADDRESS,
ASK FOR PILAR. AND ONLY PILAR.

ONLY PILAR.

HAND HER THIS
PACKAGE AND SAY, UH,

"GUSTAVO SAYS TO THINK OF HIM
WHEN YOU LIGHT WHAT'S INSIDE."

WELL, WHA-WHAT IS... WHAT'S
THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

SHE'LL KNOW.

GRACIAS, MARY. HAVE A
PLEASANT WEEK. GOOD-BYE.

WELL, I-I CERTAINLY
DON'T THINK THAT, UH...

OKAY, WHERE IS IT?

THERE.

SO LET'S OPEN IT.

RHODA, WE CAN'T OPEN IT.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE, IT'S SOMEBODY'S PRIVATE
PACKAGE. IT'S PRIVATE. MARY...

IF THEY OPEN THIS AT CUSTOMS AND FIND
YOU-KNOW-WHAT IN THERE, WHAT THEN?

RHODA, THEY DON'T TAKE THAT
KIND OF STUFF INTO MEXICO.

MAYBE THEY'RE RUNNING
OUT. I'M GONNA OPEN IT.

BUT, RHODA, GUSTAVO JUST WOULDN'T
ASK US TO DO ANYTHING ILLEGAL.

MARY, YOU HAVE GOT TO
STOP TRUSTING PEOPLE.

THEY'RE GONNA KNOW WE OPENED IT.

I'M VERY GOOD AT
THIS. ALL MY LIFE,

I'VE BEEN OPENING MY PRESENTS
EARLY AND THEN WRAPPING THEM AGAIN.

[ Gasps ] JUST AS I THOUGHT.

WHAT?

RHODA, THAT'S JUST THE
STUFF THEY PACK THINGS IN.

WELL, THAT'S WHAT I
SAID. JUST AS I THOUGHT.

AHA.

AHA.

YOU FEEL A LITTLE
SILLY NOW? UH-HUH.

SOUVENIR OF
MINNEAPOLIS, SAINT PAUL.

SKYLINE OF MINNEAPOLIS...
ON ONE AND THE, UH...

[ Together ] SKYLINE OF
SAINT PAUL... ON THE OTHER.

RHODA, DON'T READ THE NOTE.

I WOULDN'T DO THAT. GOOD.

IT'S IN SPANISH. I WISH
I KNEW WHAT IT SAID.

IT SAYS, "ARE YOU SATISFIED?"
NOW, WILL YOU PLEASE REWRAP THAT?

MARY, DON'T GET EXCITED.
THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

BEFORE I WAS A WINDOW
DRESSER DOWN AT THE STORE,

I WAS A PACKAGE WRAPPER
AT CHRISTMASTIME.

I WAS THE FASTEST
ONE THEY HAD. [ Knocking ]

- WHO IS IT?
- GUSTAVO.

HOW FAST ARE YOU?

OH, NOT THAT FAST.

OH, JUS-JUST A
MOMENT... UH... TITO.

UM, HIDE! UH... IN
THE KITCHEN. NO.

[ Whispers ] GET IN THERE.

MAYBE I SHOULD GO
THERE... JUST... NO, WRAP.

[ Clears Throat ]

OH, WELL, WELL. UH, GUSTAVO.

I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU, BUT I
WANTED TO CATCH YOU BEFORE YOU LEFT.

UH-HUH. I NEED THE PACKAGE.

OH. UH, WELL, I'VE ALREADY,
UH, PACKED IT AWAY...

I-IN MY, UH, LUGGAGE.

I'LL, UH, HAVE TO... UNPACK
IT. UH, WON'T YOU COME IN?

OKAY.

SO, UH, HOW ARE THINGS
AT THE, UH, RESTAURANT?

OH, WE'RE STILL SLOW,
BUT PICKING UP. UH-HUH.

UH-HUH. IT CERTAINLY IS A LOVELY
PLACE YOU HAVE THERE. JUST LOVELY.

[ Exhales ] HEH.

THE PACKAGE?

AH, YES, YES. IT'S,
UM... IT'S IN THERE.

I-I'LL GET IT.

YOU KNOW, GUSTAVO, RHODA AND I ARE
SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS TRIP. I JUST...

I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW MUCH WE APPRECIATE
ALL THE TROUBLE YOU WENT TO FOR US.

[ Whispers ] THE PACKAGE.
THE PACKAGE. YES.

I'LL JUST, UH, SEE IF
YOUR PACKAGE IS READY.

IN MY LUGGAGE, I MEAN.
OF COURSE. [ Laughs ]

IF YOU'LL JUST EXCUSE ME...

[ Laughs ] LUCKILY IT,
UH, WAS RIGHT ON TOP.

OH, GUSTAVO, I'M... SO
EMBARRASSED. I OPENED IT.

NO! I OPENED IT.

HI, GUSTAVO. IT'S JUST THAT I
THOUGHT THERE MIGHT BE SOMETHING...

ILLEGAL.

OH, NO. NO, NOT ILLEGAL.

NOT ILLEGAL. NOTHING. NO.

IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE
NOW. Y-YOU DON'T HAVE TO DELIVER IT.

THIS ISN'T GONNA AFFECT
OUR RESERVATIONS? OH, NO.

UH, LISTEN, GUSTAVO. WE
REALLY DON'T MIND TAKING IT.

UH, THIS WAS GOING TO BE
A GIFT FOR... CÓMO SE DICE...

UH, UH, FIANCÉE?

- THAT'S RIGHT... FIANCÉE.
- SHE'S GETTING MARRIED.

TO YOU? NO.

NOT YOU.

I-I CAME TO MINNEAPOLIS TO START
MY BUSINESS AND THEN SEND FOR PILAR.

BUT TODAY I GOT A LETTER FROM MY
BROTHER SAYING THAT PILAR CANNOT WAIT.

OH, GUSTAVO. IT'S ALL RIGHT. AT
LEAST SHE'S MARRYING A NICE GUY.

BOY, YOU SURE
DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE.

HOW CAN I? HE'S MY BROTHER.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. I THINK I'M
GONNA SEND THE PACKAGE ANYWAY.

IF YOU DON'T MIND?
NO, NOT AT ALL.

I'M JUST... I'M JUST
GONNA CHANGE THE CARD.

"DEAR PILAR, THE
TWO AMERICAN GIRLS...

"WHO ARE DELIVERING
THIS WEDDING GIFT...

"ARE MY NEW
AMERICAN... GIRLFRIENDS."

"EAT OUT YOUR HEART."

HI, MAR. HI.

WELL, HERE...

MY, UH, PARENTS GAVE
THIS TO ME AS A... PRESENT.

SO DID MINE.

TELL ME, UH, WHAT ELSE ARE YOU
TAKING THAT'S NICER THAN WHAT I GOT?

AH-HUH. SHALL WE GO?

I BET YOUR BATHING SUITS
ARE CUTER THAN MINE TOO.

OH, RHODA. THEY ARE
NOT. BIKINIS, RIGHT?

YES.

MINE WILL LOOK LIKE SWEAT
SUITS WITH SHORT PANTS.

[ Mews ]