Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 2, Episode 24 - His Two Right Arms - full transcript

♪ WHO CAN TURN THE
WORLD ON WITH HER SMILE ♪

♪ WHO CAN TAKE A NOTHING DAY ♪

♪ AND SUDDENLY MAKE IT
ALL SEEM WORTHWHILE ♪

♪ WELL, IT'S YOU, GIRL
AND YOU SHOULD KNOW IT ♪

♪ WITH EACH GLANCE AND EVERY
LITTLE MOVEMENT, YOU SHOW IT ♪

♪ LOVE IS ALL AROUND
NO NEED TO WASTE IT ♪

♪ YOU CAN HAVE THE TOWN
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE IT ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪♪

MURRAY, HERE'S YOUR
SOUP. OH, THANKS, MARY.

THERE'S MY SWEATER. I
KNEW I LEFT IT SOMEWHERE.



HIYA, LOU. HI. MARY.

- YES, SIR?
- WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

- AT LUNCH.
- AND WHAT TIME DID YOU LEAVE?

- UH, 12:00.
- ALL RIGHT. AND WHAT
TIME IS IT NOW?

- 12:55.
- UH-HUH.

AND I SUPPOSE YOU USUALLY
TAKE 55 MINUTES FOR LUNCH?

UH, NO, MR. GRANT. I
USUALLY TAKE AN HOUR.

EVEN WHEN IT'S FRIDAY
AND YOU STILL DON'T HAVE

A GUEST FOR SUNDAY'S
FACE THE PEOPLE SHOW?

HOW DO YOU KNOW
SHE DOESN'T, LOU?

DOES SHE? WHY DON'T YOU ASK HER?

WELL, NO, MR. GRANT,
I DON'T, BUT... GOOD.

'CAUSE THERE'S THIS NEW CITY
COUNCILMAN, PETE PETERSON.

HIS OFFICE HAS BEEN BUGGING
ME TO GET HIM ON THE SHOW.



WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT
HIM? HE'S REALLY CUTE. OH.

IF I WANTED CUTE, I'D
GET HUBERT HUMPHREY.

SEE WHAT WE GOT
ON HIM. YES, SIR.

HEY, LOU, I VOTED FOR
PETERSON, IF THAT'S ANY HELP.

THIRTY-FIVE, SINGLE, SANDY
HAIR. WHO DIDN'T VOTE FOR HIM?

RHODA, IT'S 1:00. ISN'T
YOUR LUNCH HOUR OVER?

OH, NO. MY BOSS DOESN'T
CARE IF I'M A LITTLE LATE. I CARE.

MARY, I THINK I
BETTER GET GOING.

I JUST REMEMBERED THERE'S THIS
BOSS WHO HATES IT WHEN I'M LATE.

- YOURS. BYE-BYE.
- SEE YOU TONIGHT.

BYE, RHODA.

OH. HIYA, RITA.
WAY TO GO, CHAMP.

SO WHAT DID YOU FIND
ON HIM? NOT TOO MUCH.

WELL, LOOK. WHY DON'T YOU GO DOWN TO
PETERSON'S OFFICE. SEE IF HE'D BE ANY GOOD.

PETE PETERSON, THE
NEW CITY COUNCILMAN?

YOU ACTUALLY KNOW THE
NAME OF AN ELECTED OFFICIAL?

ABSOLUTELY. I VOTED FOR HIM.
MAN'S GOT A GREAT THINK TANK.

[ Groans ] WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOU AND I VOTED
FOR THE SAME MAN.

MET HIM AT A PARTY
BEFORE THE ELECTION.

IMPRESSED ME SO MUCH, I NOT ONLY
VOTED FOR HIM, I CAMPAIGNED FOR HIM.

PETERSON'S MY KIND OF MAN.

I'LL, UH, CHECK HIM OUT.

TWICE. RIGHT.

[ Phone Ringing ]

COUNCILMAN PETERSON'S
OFFICE. CAN I HELP YOU?

YOU'RE CALLING FOR A JOB?
WE DON'T HAVE ANY JOBS.

OH, YES, I KNOW THE COUNCILMAN
TALKED A LOT DURING THE CAMPAIGN...

ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE JOBS,
BUT WHAT HE MEANT WAS...

HE WOULD TRY AND CREATE
NEW JOBS IN THIS DISTRICT.

NO, HE HASN'T.

NO, HE'S ONLY BEEN
IN OFFICE TWO WEEKS.

WHAT SORT OF WORK DO YOU DO?

YOU WERE A VIKING?

OH, A MINNESOTA VIKING!

OH, I'M SORRY YOU
PULLED YOUR HAMSTRING.

UM, WELL, LOOK, DO YOU KNOW
HOW TO DO ANYTHING ELSE?

I MEAN, DO YOU HAVE
ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?

YOU CAN DRIVE A CAR.

WELL, TERRIFIC.

I'LL KEEP MY EARS OPEN, AND IF ANY
CAR DRIVING JOBS COME UP, I'LL CALL YOU.

WHAT'S YOUR NUMBER? GOT IT.

87?

I BET YOU GET A LOT OF
CRAZY PHONE CALLS HERE, HUH?

THAT WAS A GOOD ONE. OH.

HI. I'M CHRIS WILSON.
I'M MARY RICHARDS.

CAN I HELP YOU WITH SOMETHING?
WELL, YES. I'M WITH WJM TV.

I'M HERE ABOUT FACE
THE PEOPLE. WHAT'S THAT?

WELL, IT'S A SHOW WE DO
ON SUNDAY AFTERNOONS...

WHERE A POLITICAL FIGURE, UH,
ANSWERS QUESTIONS FROM THE AUDIENCE.

HARD QUESTIONS?

WELL, YEAH, I GUESS YOU'D
CALL THEM HARD QUESTIONS.

WELL, I CERTAINLY HOPE
YOU FIND SOMEBODY.

WELL, ACTUALLY, SOMEBODY
FROM YOUR OFFICE...

CALLED US ABOUT MR. PETERSON
BEING ON THE SHOW.

I CAN GUARANTEE YOU NO ONE FROM
THIS OFFICE WOULD MAKE THAT CALL.

- I DID.
- NO.

WELL, YOU KNOW HOW HE'S ALWAYS TALKING
ABOUT GETTING HIMSELF ACROSS TO THE PEOPLE.

I THOUGHT THIS WOULD
BE A WAY. I MENTIONED IT

TO PETE, AND HE THOUGHT
IT WAS A GREAT IDEA.

OKAY, GIRLS, WE'RE ON OUR WAY.

OH, HI. I'M PETE PETERSON.
AM I YOUR COUNCILMAN?

OH, WELL, YES AND NO. PARDON?

WELL, SEE, I LIVE IN YOUR DISTRICT,
BUT I DIDN'T... VOTE FOR YOU.

GEE, THAT'S SWELL. YOU DIDN'T VOTE
FOR ME, AND YOU CAME TO ME FOR HELP?

UH, NO. GOOD. I BET I
GET YOUR VOTE NEXT TIME.

COME ON, PETE. WE'LL
BE LATE FOR THE MAYOR.

EXCUSE ME.

OH, MR. PETERSON,
I ALMOST FORGOT.

THAT MAN FROM URBAN
RENEWAL CALLED THIS MORNING.

HE'LL BE IN FROM WASHINGTON
NEXT WEEK TO LOOK AT THE SLUM AREA.

WALTER, COULDN'T WE GET THAT SLUM
AREA CLEANED UP BEFORE HE GETS HERE?

I MEAN, IT'S REALLY
A SIGHT. PETE...

[ Phone Rings ] IF WE COVER UP THE SLUM,
WE MIGHT NOT QUALIFY FOR THE LOAN.

GOOD THINKING.
KEEP IT THE WAY IT IS.

MR. PETERSON, IT'S
THE MAYOR'S OFFICE.

HAH, THE MAYOR.

THE MAYOR.

I'LL TAKE IT IN MY OFFICE.

MAYBE COUNCILMAN PETERSON ISN'T
QUITE READY FOR YOUR SHOW AFTER ALL.

- UH, WHAT SHOW?
- FACE THE PEOPLE.

FACE THE PEOPLE.
HMM, SOUNDS GOOD.

IS THAT ONE OF THOSE GAME SHOWS?

OH, NO, NO. IT'S A POLITICAL
QUESTION AND ANSWER SHOW.

HARD QUESTIONS?

YEAH, I GUESS YOU'D CALL
THEM HARD QUESTIONS.

I'M AFRAID THE COUNCILMAN IS MUCH
TOO BUSY. OH, BUT EVEN ON SUNDAY?

OH, YES, HE HAS
TO GO TO... CHURCH.

WELL, LISTEN, WE CAN TAPE
THE SHOW AT HIS CONVENIENCE.

WELL, ONCE THE COUNCILMAN GETS
INTO CHURCH, IT'S HARD TO GET HIM OUT.

BUT, UH, THANKS FOR
THINKING OF US, ANYWAY.

THAT WAS REALLY THE
MAYOR! HE CALLED ME PETE.

YEAH, HE, UH, WANTED TO KNOW WHAT I
THOUGHT ABOUT THE TEACHER'S STRIKE.

- WANNA KNOW WHAT I TOLD HIM?
- NO. TELL ME IN THE CAR.

WAIT. I MIGHT FORGET. I
TOLD HIM I THOUGHT THE

TEACHERS HAD EVERY
RIGHT TO GO ON STRIKE...

AS LONG AS THEY
DIDN'T MISS ANY CLASSES.

WELL, UH, WHAT DID YOU
WANT TO SEE ME ABOUT?

OH, WELL, I, UH...
[ Clears Throat ]

JUST, UM, DRO... DROPPED
BY TO, UH, YOU KNOW, SAY HI.

WOULD YOU LIKE A BUMPER STICKER?

UH...

GEE, NO, THANKS. I WALKED.

YEAH, TERRIFIC. I THINK
THAT'S REALLY TERRIFIC.

UH, GIRLS, WILL YOU DO ME A FAVOR?
WILL YOU GET SOME PEOPLE IN HERE?

I LIKE LOTS OF
COMPLAINTS. WALTER?

WHAT HE MEANS WHEN HE SAYS
HE WANTS MORE COMPLAINTS IS...

[ Sighs ]

OH.

MARY. DID YOU CHECK
OUT PETERSON? YES, SIR?

OH, YES, I DID, MR. GRANT. AND HE JUST...
HE WOULDN'T BE RIGHT FOR THE SHOW.

- MARY, THE SHOW
IS JUST TWO DAYS AWAY.
- I KNOW THAT.

I AM WORKING ON GETTING SOMEBODY ELSE.
I EXPECT A CONFIRMATION CALL ANY SECOND.

[ Phone Rings ] HAH. NEWSROOM.

YES, SIR. JUST A MOMENT, PLEASE.

UH, MR. GRANT, IT'S FOR
YOU. THE STATION MANAGER.

AND HE SAYS IT'S IMPORTANT.
OF COURSE IT'S IMPORTANT.

DO YOU EXPECT HIM TO SAY, "PUT
LOU ON THE PHONE. IT'S TRIVIAL"?

[ Phone Rings ]

NEWSROOM. SPEAKING.

HE CAN? REALLY? OH,
HEY, THAT'S GREAT.

OKAY, I'LL CALL YOU LATER, AND
I'LL GIVE YOU ALL THE DETAILS THEN.

AND LISTEN, THANKS
AGAIN. RIGHT. BYE-BYE.

MURRAY, GUESS WHO I GOT
TO BE ON FACE THE PEOPLE?

- THE CHIEF OF POLICE.
- THE CHIEF OF POLI...

- HOW DID YOU KNOW?
- THEY CALLED WHILE YOU WERE OUT.

HEY, LISTEN, UH, YOU SAID YOU
VOTED FOR PETERSON, DIDN'T YOU?

YEAH. YOU MIND MY ASKING WHY?

- SURE. HE WAS A MOE.
- A MOE?

- YEAH.
- UH, WH-WHAT'S A MOE?

EENIE, MEENIE, MINIE, MOE.

AND THAT'S HOW YOU VOTE?

WELL, NOT FOR THE
PRESIDENT OR SENATOR.

BUT WITH COUNCILMEN, MUNICIPAL
JUDGES AND SEWER BONDS,

I VOTE THE STRAIGHT MOE TICKET.

WELL, I THINK YOU MADE A
MISTAKE IN PETERSON'S CASE.

WHY? HE'S DEFINITELY AN EENIE.

HMM.

[ Lou ] MARY, CAN YOU
COME IN HERE A MINUTE?

YES, SIR? MARY, ABOUT
FACE THE PEOPLE.

AH, MR. GRANT, DON'T WORRY.
I GOT THE CHIEF OF POLICE.

REALLY? WELL, THAT'S
GOOD WORK, MARY.

HOW DEFINITE IS
HE? OH, IT'S ALL SET.

NO KIDDING! HEY, HE'D
CERTAINLY BE A GOOD GUEST.

WELL DONE. THANK YOU.

BUMP HIM.

BU-BUMP HIM? OFF
THE SHOW? MMM. MMM.

MR. GRANT, WHY? I MEAN,
AFTER ALL THAT TROUBLE...

BECAUSE COUNCILMAN
PETERSON'S GONNA BE OUR GUEST.

PETERSON! BUT,
MR. GRANT, I TOLD YOU...

AND THE STATION
MANAGER JUST TOLD ME...

THAT COUNCILMAN PETERSON
WOULD BE AN EXCELLENT GUEST.

- BUT HE WOULDN'T.
- THAT DOESN'T MATTER, MARY.

WHAT MATTERS IS THAT
COUNCILMAN PETERSON...

AND THE STATION MANAGER
GO FISHING TOGETHER.

- NEED I SAY MORE?
- YES. BECAUSE PETERSON JUST
WOULD NOT BE A GOOD GUEST.

I MEAN, HE ISN'T READY. THE STATION
MANAGER OUGHTA TRUST MY JUDGMENT.

I MEAN, I AM THE ASSOCIATE
PRODUCER ON THE SHOW, YOU KNOW.

[ Groaning ] MAYBE IF I WENT
TO HIM AND TALKED TO HIM.

- MARY.
- I COULD GET HIM
TO CHANGE HIS MI...

HOW DO YOU BUMP
A CHIEF OF POLICE?

GENTLY.

[ Phone Ringing ]

UH, COUNCILMAN
PETERSON'S OFFICE.

NO, NO, I DON'T THINK I
DID SPEAK TO YOU BEFORE.

YOU MUST HAVE SPOKEN TO
CHRIS. WHO'S CALLING, PLEASE?

UH, JUST A MOMENT. CHRIS?

THERE'S A MACK TRUCK
TARKIS ON THE PHONE.

THAT MUST BE MY VIKING.
THANK YOU. HIYA, TRUCK.

NO, NO JOBS YET,
BUT I'M STILL LOOKING.

HEY, LISTEN. YOU SAID YOU
COULD DRIVE. HOW ABOUT A CAB?

YOU CAN'T SHIFT?

YEAH, WELL, I GUESS THAT DOES
KIND OF NARROW THINGS DOWN A BIT.

WHY DON'T YOU GIVE
ME YOUR NUMBER?

THANK YOU. NOW, MAY I HAVE
YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER, PLEASE?

OKAY. I'LL CALL YOU
IF ANYTHING COMES UP.

BYE.

SO, THEN, WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO TONIGHT?

OH, I'LL EITHER GO OUT
WITH A FANTASTIC MAN...

TO DINNER AND A MOVIE,

OR IF I DON'T MEET ONE, I'LL JUST
GO HOME AND CLEAN THE OVEN.

LISTEN, WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER
TO MY HOUSE FOR DINNER TONIGHT?

OH, I DON'T THINK I'D BETTER.

OH, COME ON. MY MOM WOULD JUST
LOVE TO MEET YOU. WHY DON'T YOU?

OH, I'M JUST MORE
WORK FOR YOUR MOTHER.

I'M AN EXTRA PLACE AT THE TABLE.

I'M ANOTHER DISH
TO WASH. I'M WHITE.

DON'T LET THAT BOTHER YOU, BABY.

HALF THE PEOPLE IN MY
NEIGHBORHOOD ARE WHITE.

USED TO BE ALL THE
PEOPLE WERE WHITE.

HI.

HI. HI.

- HI.
- OH, NO. PETE'S GONNA BE
ON THE SHOW, RIGHT?

YEAH. LISTEN, I TRIED, BUT
APPARENTLY HE'S DETERMINED TO BE ON.

HE KNOWS MY BOSS'S BOSS,
SO HE'S ON, AND I'M SORRY.

- THIS SUNDAY?
- WELL, LISTEN, MAYBE PETE
WILL SURPRISE YOU.

WELL, I MEAN, HE
CERTAINLY LOOKS SMART,

YOU KNOW, EVEN IF HE, UH...

YOU KNOW, NOT THAT MANY
PEOPLE WATCH THE SHOW.

WELL, WHO SAYS HE HAS TO BOMB?

I MEAN, WE'VE GOT TWO DAYS.

IF WE WORK ON HIM
TONIGHT AND TOMORROW...

AND FEED HIM ALL THE
ANSWERS TO EVERY POSSIBLE

QUESTION, HE JUST
MIGHT REALLY BE GREAT.

- WELL, LISTEN,
IT'S WORTH A TRY.
- ISN'T IT, CHRIS?

AS PETE WOULD SAY, WHEN YOUR SHIP
IS SINKING AND YOU'RE TREADING WATER,

IF SOMEBODY THROWS
YOU AN ANCHOR, GRAB IT.

[ Rhoda Knocking ] MARY?
YEAH. COME ON IN.

- WELL?
- YOU LOOK GORGEOUS.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING? WHERE
AM I GOING? HERE. I'M GOING HERE.

AND YOU DRESSED
LIKE THAT? OF COURSE.

I TOLD YOU, IT'S NOT A
PARTY. I JUST WANTED YOU

TO HELP ME ASK THE
COUNCILMAN SOME QUESTIONS.

I'M GONNA ASK THAT
COUNCILMAN A QUESTION.

THAT'S WHY I'M
DRESSED LIKE THIS.

WELL, DON'T YOU THINK
THAT'S A LITTLE SPECIAL?

MARY, LISTEN. I GUARANTEE YOU...

WHEN JOAN KENNEDY MET TEDDY,
SHE WAS NOT WEARING A SWEATSHIRT.

- MAYBE SHE WAS.
- WHAT?

- I THINK THEY MET
PLAYING TOUCH FOOTBALL.
- NO KIDDING.

LISTEN, I-I'LL BE BACK.
HEY, WHO ELSE IS COMING?

- JUST THE COUNCILMAN'S STAFF.
- OH, YEAH? GIRL STAFF
OR MEN STAFF?

- GIRL STAFF.
- TERRIFIC.

[ Knocking ] HELLO.

AH, HI. JENNIFER RILEY, THIS
IS RHODA MORGENSTERN.

TO CHANGE. EXCUSE ME.

COME ON IN. THE COFFEE'S READY.

GREAT. GEE, THIS IS A
NICE PLACE. THANK YOU.

PETE'LL BE HERE IN A MINUTE,
IF HE DOESN'T GET LOST.

HE DOES THAT A LOT. [ Chuckles ]

YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN MEANING TO ASK YOU,
HOW DID YOU HAPPEN TO GO TO WORK FOR HIM?

WELL, I JUST GOT TIRED OF BEING
AN AIRLINE RESERVATIONS CLERK.

OH, IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE?

YEAH, WELL, I REALLY WANTED TO BE A
STEWARDESS, BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY.

ANYWAY, I DECIDED I WANTED
TO WORK IN GOVERNMENT.

SO I SENT OUT TWO DOZEN LETTERS OFFERING
MY SERVICES TO VARIOUS POLITICIANS,

UH-HUH. AND I GOT BACK 23
MIMEOGRAPHED ACCEPTANCES...

AND ONE BADLY TYPED
FIVE-PAGE LETTER, POSTAGE DUE.

PETE. SO I WENT
WHERE I WAS NEEDED.

OH. WELL, LISTEN, HE MUST HAVE
SOME GOOD QUALITIES. [ Doorbell Buzzing ]

I MEAN, ENOUGH PEOPLE VOTED
FOR HIM TO GET HIM ELECTED.

WELL, MAYBE EVERYBODY
JUST WANTED TO HELP HIM.

AH, CHRIS. HI. HELLO, MARY.

I WANT YOU TO MEET MY MOM,
MRS. WILSON. MARY RICHARDS.

HOW DO YOU DO? HI.

HI, CHRIS. HI, MRS. WILSON.

DID I THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR THAT
WONDERFUL DINNER LAST NIGHT?

WELL, THERE WAS THAT
HALF HOUR AT THE DOOR.

AND IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH, THE TWO
PHONE CALLS AND THE FLOWERS WERE PLENTY.

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND MY
BRINGING MOM ALONG. NO.

BUT MY BROTHER TOOK THE CAR, SO
MAMA HAD TO BRING ME OVER IN THE BUS.

- YOUR MOTHER HAD TO BRING YOU?
- I CAN'T DRIVE THAT BUS.

- YOU-YOU DRIVE A BUS?
- YEAH. THE MOUNT BETHANY
SUNDAY SCHOOL BUS.

OH. WELL, LISTEN,
SIT DOWN, PLEASE.

OH, THANK YOU. NOW,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.

I WILL JUST SIT
HERE AND KNIT. OKAY.

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME COFFEE?
THANK YOU. CREAM AND SUGAR, PLEASE.

[ Doorbell Buzzing ] OH. I'LL GET
THAT FOR YOU IN JUST A SECOND.

HELLO, MARY.

WELL, WHERE IS HE?

HE ISN'T HERE YET. AND
WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?

YOU DON'T LIKE IT, HUH?
THEN YOU'RE GONNA HATE THIS.

EVERYBODY, I WOULD LIKE
YOU TO MEET MY FRIEND...

RHODA MORGENSTERN
OF THE SENSE OF HUMOR.

HI, YOU ALL.

HI, EVERYONE.

[ Laughing ] HELLO.

HEY, THEY'RE TERRIFIC.

THANK YOU. YEAH, THEY'RE
HAVING A GREAT YEAR.

OH... ABOUT THE SAME AS LAST.

OH, YOU MEAN THE VIKINGS. YEAH.

MY FAVORITE FOOTBALL
TEAM. YEAH, MINE TOO.

RHODA MORGENSTERN
HERE. PETE PETERSON.

AH, YES. WELL, I MADE IT.

LISTEN, I KNEW THERE WAS
SOMETHING ABOUT YOU I LIKED.

AH, WHAT'S THAT? YOU'RE
WEARING A YARMULKE.

A YARMULKE?
YOUR... [ Muttering ]

OH, THE BEANIE! OH. YEAH.

WELL, I JUST CAME FROM A BAR MITZVAH.
VERY INTERESTING. IT'S A JEWISH CEREMONY.

IT'S VERY, VERY NICE. A YOUNG
BOY... YES, I KNOW. I HEARD.

MY BROTHER. I KNOW. I'M FAMILIAR
WITH IT. YEAH, IT'S VERY NICE.

- LISTEN, BEFORE WE GET STARTED,
WOULD ANYONE ELSE LIKE COFFEE?
- OH, I DON'T DRINK.

OH. WELL, THEN, WHY
DON'T WE ALL SIT DOWN?

YEAH, I'M IN KIND OF
A HURRY. AT, UH, 9:00...

I HAVE TO OPEN UP THE NEW REC ROOM
AT THE SCANDINAVIAN SINGLES CLUB.

MARY, I'D LIKE SOME
COFFEE. COFFEE.

PETE, I WANT YOU TO
MEET MY MOM, MRS. WILSON.

I VOTED FOR YOU. THANK YOU.

YOU DID?

UH, MRS. WILSON, WHAT IS IT ABOUT
MY CAMPAIGN THAT APPEALED TO YOU?

WELL, THE OTHER GUY WORE
A BEARD, AND YOU DIDN'T.

I DON'T TRUST A
POLITICIAN WITH A BEARD.

I SUPPOSE YOU WOULDN'T HAVE
VOTED FOR ABRAHAM LINCOLN?

- OF COURSE NOT. HE WAS A REPUBLICAN.
- [ Laughing ]

WELL, THE COUNCILMAN
DOESN'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME,

SO WHY DON'T WE GET
RIGHT DOWN TO BUSINESS.

MARY, WHY DON'T YOU BRIEF HIM.

OKAY. IT'S A HALF HOUR SHOW.

THERE'S A MODERATOR...
TED BAXTER.

OH, I KNOW TED. BRIGHT GUY.

ANYWAY, UH, PEOPLE COME
UP FROM THE AUDIENCE...

AND STAND IN FRONT OF THE
MICROPHONE AND ASK YOU QUESTIONS.

SOUNDS FINE TO ME. UH-HUH.

OF COURSE YOU REALIZE THE ANSWERS
TO THE QUESTIONS ARE VERY IMPORTANT.

ABSOLUTELY. I THINK PEOPLE HAVE THE
RIGHT TO EXPECT ANSWERS TO THEIR QUESTIONS.

PERHAPS WE MIGHT DISCUSS WHAT
SOME OF THE QUESTIONS MIGHT BE.

- I'VE GOT A QUESTION.
- UH, RHODA...

- COUNCILMAN,
DO YOU INTEND TO MARRY?
- AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DO.

- JUNE THE SIXTH.
- YOU'RE ENGAGED?

MM-HMM. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE
HER PICTURE? HERE WE ARE, RIGHT HERE.

YOU'RE GONNA MARRY GAIL STORM?

OH, THAT CAME WITH THE
WALLET. THERE WE ARE.

RIGHT OVER THERE. YOU KNOW,
COUNCILMAN, YOU NEVER MENTIONED A WORD...

DURING YOUR ENTIRE
CAMPAIGN ABOUT BEING ENGAGED.

UH, I NEVER HAD ANYBODY ASK
ME THAT AND GET MAD BEFORE.

GENERALLY THEY GET MAD ABOUT
GARBAGE PICKUP AND STUFF LIKE THAT.

- WHAT ABOUT GARBAGE PICKUP?
- I'M FOR IT.

YOU MEAN... YOU'RE FOR
A BALANCED PROGRAM...

OF WASTE DISPOSAL THAT IS
COMPATIBLE WITH THE ECOLOGY.

ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU MEAN? WHAT
DO YOU MEAN, ISN'T THAT WHAT I MEAN?

SHE MEANS THAT'S HOW YOU MIGHT
ANSWER THAT QUESTION TOMORROW.

OH, I DON'T KNOW IF ECOLOGY ISN'T
SOMETHING THAT JUST SOUNDS GOOD NOW...

BUT IN THE FUTURE WE MAY BE
SORRY WE GOT INTO IT, LIKE VIETNAM.

ABOUT YOUR ENGAGEMENT.

CONGRATULATIONS.

I THINK WE SHOULD GO OVER THAT
GARBAGE PICKUP QUESTION AGAIN.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I JUST ANSWERED IT.

BUT DON'T YOU THINK
IT WOULD BE BETTER IF

YOU SAID SOMETHING A
LITTLE MORE SCIENTIFIC?

WAIT A MINUTE. NOW,
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

WE'RE JUST TRYING TO
THINK OF QUESTIONS YOU

MIGHT BE ASKED SO YOU
COULD HAVE SOME ANSWERS.

I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD GO
INTO THIS HAVING THE ANSWERS.

BUT ALL POLITICIANS ARE
BRIEFED AND PREPARED.

THAT'S THE TROUBLE WITH POLITICS.
EVERYONE HAS PAT ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS.

I WANT THE PEOPLE TO KNOW
THAT I DON'T HAVE ANY ANSWERS.

UH, WHAT ARE YOU
MAKING, MRS. WILSON?

I AM KNITTING YOU A BEARD.

MR. PETERSON, WHAT
ARE YOUR FEELINGS...

ABOUT HAVING A
WOMAN RUN FOR MAYOR?

[ Peterson ] WELL, I'D LIKE
TO SEE A WOMAN'S NAME...

ON THE BALLOT NEXT YEAR.

BUT WOULD YOU VOTE FOR HER?

WELL, IT DEPENDS ON IF I THOUGHT
SHE WAS THE BEST CANDIDATE.

AND HER BEING A WOMAN
WOULDN'T PREJUDICE YOU?

I DON'T VOTE FOR RACE, COLOR,
CREED OR SEX. I VOTE FOR THE MAN.

WELL SAID,
COUNCILMAN. THANK YOU.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE FACE THE
PEOPLE RIGHT AFTER THIS ANNOUNCEMENT.

IT KIND OF MAKES YOU WONDER
IF TED ISN'T A VENTRILOQUIST.

OH, HEY, GREAT, LOOK. THE BASEBALL
GAME'S GONE INTO EXTRA INNINGS.

WELL, THEN, HEY, MAYBE
NOBODY IS WATCHING MY SHOW.

IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S GOING TO BE
ANOTHER HOT SUMMER, COUNCILMAN.

WHAT ARE THE KIDS WHO LIVE IN THE
INNER CITY GOING TO DO FOR RECREATION?

WELL, THEY COULD GO SWIMMING,
COULDN'T THEY? THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN.

MR. PETERSON, THERE ARE NO
SWIMMING POOLS IN THAT AREA.

AH. WELL, UH, WHAT DID
THEY DO LAST SUMMER?

OCCASIONALLY, THEY'D OPEN A FIRE
HYDRANT, BUT THERE AREN'T ENOUGH OF THOSE.

WELL, THE ANSWER SEEMS FAIRLY
SIMPLE... PUT IN MORE FIRE HYDRANTS.

GOOD THINKING,
PETE. OH, I-I'M SORRY.

I'M SUPPOSED TO BE PARTIAL.

[ Ted ] I SEE OUR TIME IS UP,
AND I WANT TO TAKE THIS TIME...

TO THANK COUNCILMAN PETERSON
FOR HAVING THE COURAGE...

TO COME HERE THIS AFTERNOON
AND FACE THE PEOPLE.

WELL, THAT'S THAT.

OH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

YOU'VE ALREADY
SAID IT. HE'S AN EENIE.

I THOUGHT IT WENT GREAT. DIDN'T
YOU, WALTER? NO, IT DIDN'T GO GREAT.

IT WENT HORRIBLE. HORRIBLE? DID
YOU THINK IT WENT HORRIBLE, TED?

NO, I THOUGHT IT WAS ONE OF
THE BEST SHOWS I'VE EVER DONE.

HEAR THAT? AND HE'S A
PROFESSIONAL. THANK YOU.

HEY, IT WAS REALLY SOMETHING BEING OUT
THERE IN FRONT OF THAT LIVE TV AUDIENCE,

FINDING OUT I HAD THE ABILITY TO MAKE
PEOPLE LAUGH. ISN'T IT A GREAT FEELING?

WELL, TED AND I ARE GONNA GO CHEW
THE OLD FAT. WE'LL SEE YOU LATER, OKAY?

SAY, LISTEN, WE DIDN'T GET A CHANCE
TO TALK ABOUT FOREIGN AFFAIRS.

DID YOU SEE THE BOB
HOPE CHRISTMAS SHOW?

OH, BOY, WAS THAT FANTASTIC.

HUH? BOY, THAT
HARMAN, HE'S SOMETHING.

HAR-HARMAN? KILIGROVE.

HE HIT A HOME RUN WITH TWO MEN ON IN
THE BOTTOM OF THE 11TH! THE TWINS WON!

MR. GRANT, YOU MEAN THAT YOU
WERE WATCHING THE BALL GAME?

WELL, WHO WASN'T?
HOW'D YOU GUYS DO?

OH... UH... HMM, YEAH.

NO, TRUCK, NOTHING
YET, BUT I'M STILL LOOKING.

- HI, ALL. READY FOR LUNCH?
- HI. WE CAN GO IN A MINUTE.

CHRIS, DO...

OH, MARY, I WAS... I WAS
JUST GONNA CALL YOU.

I THOUGHT MAYBE I COULD
DO YOUR SHOW AGAIN.

OH, UH, WELL, LISTEN.
WE HAVE A POLICY.

YOU SEE, THE SAME GUEST CAN'T
BE ON MORE THAN ONCE IN A YEAR.

IT'S DUMB, I KNOW, BUT...

AH, IT'S TOO BAD. I REALLY
FELT TV WAS MY BEAT.

WELL, I HAVE TO GO MAKE A
SPEECH AND I HAVEN'T WRITTEN IT YET.

I GENERALLY WRITE IN
MY CAR, BUT THE LAST

TIME I TRIED TO THINK
IN MY CAR, I GOT LOST.

- YOU KNOW WHERE MY CAR KEYS...
- I PUT THEM IN YOUR COAT.

OH, MY COAT. YOUR
COAT'S IN YOUR OFFICE.

MY COAT'S IN MY
OFFICE. THAT'S...

YOU KNOW WHAT
YOU NEED? A DRIVER.

THEN YOU COULD WRITE YOUR
SPEECHES AND NOT GET LOST.

THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. REMIND
ME TO FIND ONE, OKAY?

PETE, YOUR CAR... IS IT
STICK SHIFT OR AUTOMATIC?

- AUTOMATIC.
- I'VE GOT JUST THE GUY FOR YOU.

OH, YOU'LL LIKE HIM
TOO. HE'S A VIKING.

GOOD. A LINK TO
ANOTHER MINORITY.

[ Mews ]