Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 2, Episode 22 - You Certainly Are a Big Boy - full transcript

♪ WHO CAN TURN THE
WORLD ON WITH HER SMILE ♪

♪ WHO CAN TAKE A NOTHING DAY ♪

♪ AND SUDDENLY MAKE IT
ALL SEEM WORTHWHILE ♪

♪ WELL, IT'S YOU, GIRL
AND YOU SHOULD KNOW IT ♪

♪ WITH EACH GLANCE AND EVERY
LITTLE MOVEMENT YOU SHOW IT ♪

♪ LOVE IS ALL AROUND
NO NEED TO WASTE IT ♪

♪ YOU CAN HAVE THE TOWN
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE IT ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪♪

ANYBODY HOME? HELLO?

UH, HELLO.



THIS IS GONNA SEEM
LIKE A STRANGE REQUEST,

BUT I'M AN ARCHITECT, AND I'VE BEEN
DOING SOME SKETCHES OF THIS HOUSE.

AND I WONDERED IF YOU'D BE KIND ENOUGH
TO LET ME COME IN AND LOOK AROUND INSIDE?

WELL, UH, YOU MEAN...
MY APARTMENT?

IF IT'S NOT A LOT OF TROUBLE.
NOBODY ELSE SEEMS TO BE HOME.

WELL, NO. NO
TROUBLE. COME ON IN.

WELL, THANK YOU. I, UH,
CERTAINLY DO APPRECIATE THIS.

WELL, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO EXCUSE THE MESS. MESS?

OH, YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT IS PRETTY NEAT, ISN'T IT?

I GUESS THAT'S JUST A REFLEX.

MY NAME'S MATT BRYAN.
UH, I'M MARY RICHARDS.

I GUESS YOU KNOW THAT THIS HOUSE IS A
FRANK REICH? A FRANK LLOYD... WRIGHT?

UH, NO, NO, NO, NO.
FRANK "REI-CHHH."

"REI-CHHH." RIGHT.



UH, THE TWO WERE OFTEN
CONFUSED, BUT, IN FACT,

FRANK REICH DIED IN 1936
OF ACUTE FRUSTRATION. OH.

BUT HIS HOUSES WERE
PRETTY FAMOUS, HUH?

OH, VERY FAMOUS. BECAUSE
THEY WERE SO UGLY.

OH. I-I DON'T MEAN TO
SAY THAT THIS IS UGLY.

NO, I THINK THAT YOU'VE
FIXED THIS UP VERY NICELY.

WOULD IT BE OKAY IF I JUST MADE
A COUPLE OF QUICK SKETCHES?

YEAH, SURE. IS THIS FOR A MAGAZINE OR
SOMETHING? NO, IT'S JUST FOR MY FILES.

YOU SEE, I'M THINKING OF WRITING A
BOOK CALLED HUMOR IN ARCHITECTURE.

OH. IF IT'S ALL RIGHT, I'LL
JUST SKETCH MY WAY AROUND.

AND MAYBE YOU CAN PRETEND THAT
I'M NOT HERE, HUH? OH, YEAH, SURE.

UH, W-WOULD IT BE ALL RIGHT IF I
TALK WHILE YOU'RE DOING THAT?

SURE, BY ALL MEANS. YOU KNOW,

THIS IS ONE OF THE LAST OF REICH'S
HOUSES STILL STANDING IN MINNEAPOLIS.

WHAT DID THEY DO,
TEAR THEM ALL DOWN?

NO, THEY MOSTLY FELL
DOWN ALL BY THEMSELVES.

NO, REALLY.

WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT. YES,
THEY DID TEAR THEM DOWN.

AND WHAT DID THEY REPLACE THEM
WITH? HIGH-RISES AND OFFICE BUILDINGS.

- UH, COULD I SEE
WHAT YOU'RE DOING?
- SURE.

HEY! THAT'S ME.

SON OF A GUN! HOW
DID THAT HAPPEN?

YOU KNOW, IT REALLY IS PRETTY
GOOD. WELL, HERE. YOU CAN HAVE IT.

OF COURSE, IF I EVER
HAVE TO REFER TO IT,

I'LL HAVE TO COME BACK
AND TAKE ANOTHER LOOK.

WELL, I-I'D BETTER PUT MY GROCERIES
AWAY. THE FROZEN STUFF WILL THAW.

I'LL GET OUT OF YOUR
WAY FOR A MINUTE.

- OH, WELL, NO. UH, THAT'S...
- UH, TELL ME, IS THIS BALCONY SAFE?

YEAH, I GUESS IT'S PRETTY SAFE.

UNLESS YOU FALL OFF. [ Laughs ]

[ Phyllis ] MARY? YEAH.

WATER. HIYA, MAR.

WATER. WELL, WHAT
HAVE YOU TWO BEEN UP TO?

IT'S WHAT WE'VE BEEN DOWN TO.

THE BASEMENT. WHAT FOR?

OH, RHODA NEEDS MORE
STORAGE SPACE... [ Panting ]

I TOLD HER SHE WAS
WELCOME TO USE YOURS.

MARY! MARY, I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO BREAK THIS TO YOU, BUT, UH,

YOU'VE GOT A PEEPING
ARTIST ON YOUR BALCONY.

NO, HE'S AN ARCHITECT. HE'S JUST MAKING
A COUPLE OF SKETCHES OF THE HOUSE.

FROM DOWN HERE
HE LOOKS GORGEOUS.

[ Phyllis ] DON'T YOU THINK
YOU OUGHT TO CHECK WITH...

THE MANAGER BEFORE
YOU DO ANYTHING DRASTIC.

[ Mary ] OH, NO. HE'S JUST
INTERESTED IN THE HOUSE...

AND WANTED TO
MAKE SOME DRAWINGS.

FROM THERE HE
LOOKS GORGEOUS TOO.

COULDN'T YOU JUST LOCK THE
WINDOWS AND KEEP HIM OUT THERE?

I'LL HELP YOU FEED
AND WATER HIM.

HAND ME A COOKIE,
WILL YA? THANKS.

[ Knocking ]

SHE'S NOT SO DUMB. SHE
REALLY DID LOCK HIM OUT THERE.

OH, COME ON. THAT
DOOR ALWAYS JAMS.

OH! WHOO.

BOY, IS THAT COLD! YEAH.

I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO
FINISH. MY FELT TIP FROZE UP. OH.

UH, PHYLLIS LINDSTROM, I WOULD
LIKE YOU TO MEET MATT BRYAN.

[ Together ] HOW DO YOU DO? OH!

PHYLLIS LIVES DOWNSTAIRS, AND,
UH, THIS IS RHODA MORGENSTERN.

SHE LIVES UPSTAIRS. I DIDN'T
REALIZE THERE WAS A FOURTH FLOOR.

THERE ISN'T, BUT I
LIVE UP THERE ANYWAY.

IF YOU'D LIKE TO SEE WHAT
I'VE DONE WITH MY APARTMENT...

MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO SKETCH IT? THANK YOU,
BUT I'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO THE OFFICE.

OH. UH, I-I DIDN'T FINISH.

MAYBE, UH, SOME OTHER TIME I
COULD, UH, COME BACK MAYBE...

OH, YEAH, MAYBE COME
BACK AND, UH, FINISH.

YEAH, AND NEXT TIME I'LL
BRING A BOTTLE OF WINE.

OH, GREAT. NICE
MEETING YOU, LADIES.

SO LONG, MATT. I'LL GIVE
YOU A CALL, MARY, OKAY?

OKAY... WAIT, YOU
DON'T HAVE MY NUMBER.

OH, YES, I DO. I SKETCHED
YOUR TELEPHONE.

YEAH.

YES, MATT. THE HOUSE
IS STILL STANDING.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT, I'LL
SEE YOU IN A LITTLE WHILE.

GOOD-BYE.

HEY, MURRAY. HMM.

GUESS WHO DESIGNED THE
HOUSE I'M LIVING IN. WHO?

- FRANK REICH.
- OH, FRANK LLOYD WRIGHT?

NO, THAT'S WHAT I
THOUGHT AT FIRST TOO.

I'VE HEARD OF THAT
GUY. YOU HAVE?

WHO HAVE YOU HEARD OF,
TED? FRANK LLOYD WRIGHT.

ONE OF THE WRIGHT BROTHERS.

YEAH, ORVILLE AND FRANK LLOYD.

WHO COULD EVER FORGET THEM?

NO, TED, I'M TALKING ABOUT AN
ARCHITECT NAMED FRANK "REI-CHHH."

REICH? RIGHT. HE DESIGNED
THE OLD HOUSE I'M LIVING IN.

[ Laughs ] BIG DEAL.

GIVE ME A MODERN
APARTMENT BUILDING ANY DAY.

YEAH. YOU SHOULD SEE TED'S
PLACE. REALLY SOMETHING.

FLOODLIGHTS OUT FRONT.
SPARKLE STUFF IN THE STUCCO.

PLASTIC PALM TREES.

IT'S... REALLY SORT
OF SPECIAL. MMM.

HEY, GANG, HOW ABOUT... HOW
ABOUT A LITTLE LUNCH-A-RINO?

OH, I GOTTA-[ Mumbles ]

MURRAY? NO, I'M ON A DIET.

HOW ABOUT YOU, MAR? THANKS, TED,
I'D LIKE TO, BUT I HAVE A DATE FOR LUNCH.

WHO WITH, MAR? UH, AN ARCHITECT.

THAT'S WHY ALL THE
SUDDEN INTEREST, HMM?

PERSONALLY, I DON'T
CARE FOR... ARCHITECTURE.

UH, MARY, WHAT'S YOUR ARCHITECT'S
NAME? I HOPE IT ISN'T FRANK "REI-CHHH."

UH, NO, NO. IT'S MATT BRYAN.

- I THINK I DID
A STORY ON HIM ONCE.
- YEAH?

YEAH. ISN'T HE INTERESTED IN
PRESERVING OLD HOUSES OR SOMETHING?

- THAT SOUNDS LIKE MATT.
- I WROTE A BIG FEATURE
ON THIS ORGANIZATION...

HE STARTED TO
SAVE OLD BUILDINGS.

AH. MARY, PULL THE
MATT BRYAN FILE.

MATT BRYAN? UH-HUH.

WELL, THAT'S THE MOST
FANTASTIC COINCIDENCE.

MURRAY AND I WERE JUST
TALKING ABOUT MATT BRYAN.

IT'S NOT A COINCIDENCE.
I HEARD YOU.

THAT'S WHY I TOLD YOU
TO PULL HIS FILE. OH.

BROWN. BRYAN.

MATT.

HERE YOU GO, MR. GRANT.

I DON'T WANT THAT. WELL,
WHY'D YOU HAVE ME PULL IT THEN?

BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU'D BE
INTERESTED IN LOOKING AT IT.

OH, NO.

THERE'S PROBABLY SOME
GOOD STUFF IN THERE.

YEAH, WELL, THANK YOU,
MR... PERSONAL STUFF.

NO, I... I-I REALLY... I
DON'T THINK THAT...

HMM. MATT BRYAN.

MATT BRYAN. HMM.

BORN APRIL 3, 19... [ Laughs ]
HE'S ALMOST AS OLD AS I AM.

IS HE? UH-HUH.

PRETTY GOOD PICTURE OF HIM TOO.

BUT I GUESS YOU WOULDN'T BE
INTERESTED IN... THAT KIND OF STUFF.

RIGHT.

[ Clears Throat ]

I'LL JUST, UM,
REFILE THIS FOR YOU.

BOO!

OH! [ Laughs ]

MATT, HI. HI.

WELL, I'M, UH, ALMOST
READY FOR LUNCH. GOOD.

I'LL JUST REFILE THIS
STUFF AND WE CAN GO.

HEY! JUST A MINUTE. I'LL
GET IT. NO, NO. PLEASE.

I GOT IT. I GOT IT.
NO, D-DON'T BOTHER.

SAY, THIS IS A
RUGGED-LOOKING INDIVIDUAL.

THAT'S A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE.

YEAH, WELL, UH... YOU
SEE, I WAS, [ Clears Throat ]

JUST DOING, UH, SOME RESEARCH FOR A
DOCUMENTARY WE'RE THINKING OF DOING...

ON, UH, FAMOUS
MINNEAPOLIS ARCHITECTS.

WELL, I'LL JUST, UH, REFILE THIS
WITH THIS OTHER RESEARCH STUFF.

UH, HELLO. MATT BRYAN.
OH, HI. I'M LOU GRANT.

AND, UH, THIS IS
MURRAY SLAUGHTER. HI.

WELL, I GUESS WE CAN GO
HAVE OUR OL' LUNCH-A-RINO.

SO LONG. IT'LL HAVE
TO BE A FAST LUNCH.

THEY'RE POURING THE FOUNDATION
FOR A BUILDING I DESIGNED,

AND I HAVE TO HURRY OVER
THERE BEFORE THE CEMENT DRIES.

OH, WHAT FOR? I, UH, ALWAYS
LIKE TO PUT MY FOOTPRINT IN IT.

HE REALLY LOOKS
GREAT, DOESN'T HE?

YEAH, HE SURE DOES.

WHO?

THE GUY MARY'S INTERESTED IN.

WHO?

THE GUY SHE JUST
LEFT WITH. MATT BRYAN.

IS HE BETTER LOOKING THAN ME?

NO, TED. NOBODY'S
BETTER LOOKING THAN YOU.

HEH. GOOD.

I FEEL LIKE "MIRROR,
MIRROR, ON THE WALL..."

- HOW OLD IS HE?
- FORTY-FOUR.

FORTY-FOUR? HMM.

OH, I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
HE LOOKS INCREDIBLE.

HE'S THE YOUNGEST-LOOKING
44 I EVER SAW.

GUESS HOW OLD I AM.

WELL, I'M PREMATURELY GRAY.

I HOPE I LOOK THAT
GOOD WHEN I'M HIS AGE.

MURRAY, YOU DON'T LOOK THAT GOOD
NOW. WHY SHOULD IT GET ANY BETTER?

HEH-HEH.

FORTY-FOUR. HE JUST
DOESN'T LOOK THAT OLD.

THAT'S NOT OLD! I'M 46.

HE'S... 44. YOU'RE 46. MM-HMM.

GEE, WE'D BETTER WARN MARY WHAT
HE'S GONNA LOOK LIKE IN TWO YEARS.

- [ Knocking ] MARY?
- AH, RHODA, THANK GOODNESS.

WHAT? MY ZIPPER'S
STUCK. CAN YOU UNZIP ME?

OH, SURE. OH. I HAVE THIS
TERRIBLE FEAR THAT SOMEDAY...

MY ZIPPER'S GONNA BE STUCK AND
THERE'LL BE NOBODY HERE TO UNZIP ME.

AND I'LL HAVE TO CALL THE FIRE
DEPARTMENT TO GET ME OUT.

WAIT A MINUTE. WOULD
YOU STAND STILL A MINUTE?

ONE THING ABOUT DRESSING WINDOW
DUMMIES. THEY NEVER WALK AWAY FROM YOU.

I'M SORRY. IT'S JUST THAT MATT'S
GONNA PICK ME UP IN A FEW MINUTES.

I DON'T WANNA BE LATE. THERE.

THANKS. YOU'RE GOING
OUT WITH HIM AGAIN?

YEAH, WELL, IT'S JUST OUR SECOND
DATE. YOUR SECOND DATE TODAY.

MARY, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO TELL ME...

WHAT A MAN'S WALLET IS DOING ON
YOUR DRESSER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO.

I DON'T WANT TO. OH, COME ON.

A WHOLE WALLET. THE MOST I
EVER GOT WAS CAB FARE HOME.

IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK,
RHODA. MATT AND I HAD

LUNCH TODAY AND HE
HAD TO LEAVE IN A HURRY.

AND HE FORGOT HIS WALLET
ON THE CASHIER'S COUNTER.

YOU CAN REALLY GET TO KNOW A LOT
ABOUT A GUY BY READING HIS WALLET.

HEY, COME ON. THAT WOULD BE LIKE
SOMEBODY GOING THROUGH YOUR PURSE.

IT'S TOO LATE, MAR. I'VE ALREADY GOTTEN
INTO IT AND I JUST CAN'T PUT IT DOWN.

OH, HOW CUTE. TSK. WHAT?

IT'S A PICTURE OF MATT WITH
A VERY TINY BASEBALL PLAYER.

YEAH? LET ME SEE. OH, YEAH, I THINK
THAT'S HIS SON. OH, ISN'T HE DARLING?

I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO BREAK THIS TO YOU,

BUT WHERE THERE'S A SON,
QUITE OFTEN THERE'S A MOTHER.

AND EVEN A WIFE SOMETIMES.

I'M PRETTY SURE THAT MATT'S
DIVORCED. HE TELL YOU THAT?

NO, BUT ON HIS DRIVER'S
LICENSE WHERE IT SAYS

"MARRIED," IT'S BEEN
CROSSED OUT SO YOU...

UH-HUH. MM-HMM.

[ Clears Throat ] WELL, I JUST WANTED TO
MAKE SURE THAT NOTHING WAS MISSING.

NO GOOD, MAR.

SO, HE'S GOT A KID? LOOKS
LIKE HE'S ABOUT NINE YEARS OLD.

[ Doorbell Buzzes ] AH!

I'M NOT READY...

MATT, I'LL ONLY BE
A... UH, MISS RICHARDS?

YES?

MY FATHER GOT STUCK ON THE JOB
AND HE ASKED ME TO PICK YOU UP.

YOUR... FATHER?

YEAH, UH, I'M MATT
BRYAN. JUNIOR.

WELL, WELL. YOU, UH,
CERTAINLY ARE A BIG BOY.

UH, WELL, W-WON'T YOU
COME IN? THANK YOU.

MATT, UH, BRYAN, JR., I'D LIKE
YOU TO MEET MY FRIEND, RHODA...

MORGENSTERN. MORGENSTERN.

RHODA IS MY BEST
FRIEND. [ Laughs ]

I'M SORRY! IT'S JUST
THAT I'M SO SURPRISED.

I-I PICTURED YOU ABOUT,
UH, N-NINE YEARS OLD.

WELL, I WAS, ABOUT 15 YEARS AGO.

- LAST TIME WE SAW YOU,
YOU WERE ABOUT THIS BIG.
- I BEG YOUR PARDON?

OH, IT WAS A PICTURE IN YOUR
FATHER'S WALLET. YEAH, RIGHT HERE.

I HAVE IT. HE LEFT IT
TODAY WHEN WE HAD LUNCH.

I CAN SEE WHERE YOU
GOT CONFUSED ABOUT ME.

MY FATHER LOOKS PRETTY
MUCH THE SAME AS HE DID.

I GUESS IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY.
YOU OUGHTA MEET MY GRANDFATHER.

I'D LIKE TO.

DAD WOULD'VE CALLED YOU HIMSELF, BUT
HE'S UP IN A BUILDING UNDER CONSTRUCTION.

- THEY HAVEN'T PUT
THE PHONES IN.
- ARE YOU AN ARCHITECT TOO?

YEAH, I WORK FOR MY FATHER.

I'M ALSO DOUBLE-PARKED OUTSIDE SO
I'LL WAIT FOR YOU IN THE CAR. ALL RIGHT?

- OH, SURE. I-I'LL JUST BE A SECOND.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.

YEAH. BYE, MATT, JR.

MARY, WHAT A CUTE BOY!

RHODA, I GOT NEWS FOR YOU.
THAT'S A GROWN MAN. YEAH.

YOU KNOW, SOMETHING
JUST OCCURRED TO ME.

I AM ONLY ABOUT SIX
YEARS OLDER THAN HE IS.

AH, WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?
MATT AND I ARE JUST DATING, RIGHT?

OH, MARY, WHEN YOU'RE
OVER 30 AND, UH, STILL SINGLE,

THERE'S NO SUCH
THING AS "JUST DATING."

UNLESS YOU'RE GIDGET.

WELL, I ALWAYS SAID WHEN I GET
MARRIED, I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A SON.

YEAH, BUT THIS SON IS OLD
ENOUGH TO HAVE A SON. YEAH...

WELL, I ALWAYS... WANTED
TO BE A GRANDMOTHER TOO.

YEAH. YEAH, PHYLLIS, MATT AND
I ARE STILL SEEING EACH OTHER.

OH, UH, LAST NIGHT HE TOOK ME TO
SEE A PLAY AT THE GUTHRIE THEATER.

WELL, I-I... I REALLY DON'T
KNOW HOW IT'S GOING.

WE ONLY GO PLACES
WHERE WE CAN'T TALK.

YEAH, I'LL HOLD.

PHYLLIS...

I THOUGHT YOU
WERE... YES, I WAS.

BUT YOUR PROBLEM... IS TOO BIG
TO TALK ABOUT ON THE TELEPHONE.

[ Pants ] PHYLLIS, WHAT PROBLEM?

THAT HE DOESN'T WANNA
TALK ABOUT MARRIAGE.

NO, PHYLLIS, I DIDN'T SAY HE
DOESN'T WANNA TALK ABOUT MARRIAGE.

I SAID HE DOESN'T
SEEM TO... WANNA TALK.

MARY, WHEN THEY DON'T
SEEM TO WANNA TALK,

MARRIAGE IS WHAT THEY'RE
ALWAYS NOT TALKING ABOUT.

HOW WELL I REMEMBER IT...

EVERY TIME I EVEN GOT CLOSE TO
THE SUBJECT OF MARRIAGE WITH LARS,

HE DIDN'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT.

HE STILL DOESN'T
WANNA TALK ABOUT IT.

WELL, PHYLLIS, I DON'T
WANNA TALK ABOUT MARRIAGE.

MARY, WHY NOT?
WELL, BECAUSE I...

I DON'T KNOW HIM. WHAT DO
YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW HIM?

OKAY, PHYLLIS. LET ME GIVE YOU AN
EXAMPLE OF A TYPICAL EVENING WITH MATT.

HE PICKS ME UP. WE GET
INTO HIS CAR. IMMEDIATELY,

HE PUTS A CASSETTE
INTO HIS TAPE DECK.

USUALLY, A BROADWAY
SHOW. WE SORT OF HUM

ALONG WITH THAT UNTIL
WE GET TO THE THEATER.

WHICH IS JUST BEFORE THE CURTAIN
GOES UP. SO AGAIN, WE DON'T TALK.

AFTER THE PLAY, HE
TAKES ME TO A LOUD PLACE

FOR A DRINK WHERE IT
IS IMPOSSIBLE TO TALK.

THEN HE BRINGS ME HOME
AND WE SAY GOOD NIGHT.

OH!

IF LARS AND I COULD ONLY
COMMUNICATE LIKE THAT AGAIN.

YOU KNOW, ONE TIME HIS TAPE DECK
WAS BROKEN AND WE HAD TO REALLY TALK.

I DON'T MEAN JUST WORDS GOING
BACK AND FORTH. I MEAN, REALLY TALK.

- I THOUGHT, "BOY, WE HAD
FINALLY MADE A BREAKTHROUGH."
- AND... THEN WHAT HAPPENED?

HE WENT TO CHICAGO.

WELL, LARS GOES TO SAINT PAUL.

YEAH, BUT I THINK MATT WENT TO CHICAGO
BECAUSE HIS TAPE DECK WAS BROKEN.

WHEN HE GOT BACK, IT WAS
FIXED. AND WE WERE BACK

TO THE ORIGINAL RECORDING
OF MAN OF LA MANCHA.

OH, I LOVE THAT SHOW!

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE
GONNA HEAR TONIGHT? OH, PHYLLIS.

HOW ARE YOU AND MATT
GETTING ALONG THESE DAYS?

OH, FINE, I GUESS. HE
LEFT FOR CHICAGO AGAIN.

OH. YOU KNOW, I CAN'T
GET OVER HOW GREAT

MATT LOOKS FOR A GUY
WHO'S ALMOST LOU'S AGE.

YEAH, WELL, HE REALLY
WORKS AT IT. HOW DO YOU MEAN?

PROBABLY... HE WATCHES HIS DIET.

YEAH. HE EATS, BUT, YOU KNOW, ONLY
THE RIGHT FOODS, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

NOTHING WITH SUGAR OR STARCH.
NO FATS OR CARBOHYDRATES.

THAT LEAVES... CELERY.

LISTEN, ANYBODY CAN LOOK YOUNG.

BUT I LIKE THE RESPECT THAT COMES
WITH THAT WELL-SEASONED LOOK.

IN FACT, WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL,
THE TEACHERS USED TO CALL ME "SIR."

[ Mary ] WELL, MATT... HI,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I'M REDESIGNING AN OFFICE ON THE TENTH
FLOOR, AND I JUST DECIDED I'D DROP BY.

OH, THAT'S NICE.

I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY BOSS,
LOU GRANT. THIS IS MATT BRYAN, JR.

OH, HI. AND MURRAY SLAUGHTER.

HOW ARE YOU? HI. MARY, I'M
GOING TO AN EARLY LUNCH...

BEFORE TED COMES IN AND
ASKS ME TO GO TO LUNCH.

LISTEN, SPEAKING ABOUT LUNCH, DO
YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY TOO?

UH, WELL... UH, SURE,
YEAH, I GUESS I CAN.

I JUST HAVE TO RUN THIS OVER TO
MIMEO. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. ALL RIGHT.

YOU JUST MAKE
YOURSELF AT HOME. OKAY.

ANYTHING I CAN HELP
YOU WITH, YOUNG FELLA?

UH, NO, THANK YOU. I'M JUST WAITING
FOR MARY. WE'RE GOING TO LUNCH.

OH.

YOU, UH, PROBABLY
KNOW I'M TED BAXTER.

- THE ANCHORMAN.
- OH, YES. I'M MATT BRYAN.

NICE TO MEET
YOU, MATT. [ Laughs ]

YOU'RE... MATT BRYAN? YEAH.

THE ARCHITECT? WELL, YEAH.

THEY WERE RIGHT.

ABOUT WHAT? YOU'RE IN
INCREDIBLE SHAPE. HOW DO YOU DO IT?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND. WHAT...
WHAT MONTH WERE YOU BORN IN?

UH, SEPTEMBER.
OH, THAT EXPLAINS IT.

I'M EIGHT MONTHS
OLDER THAN YOU ARE.

SHALL WE SIT THERE? YEAH.

HI, MARY. CAN I GIVE YOU YOUR
CHECK NOW? BEFORE WE ORDER?

I WAS JUST GOING ON MY COFFEE
BREAK. YOU DON'T NEED A MENU, DO YOU?

UH, MENU, NO. THE WHOLE THING IS
INDELIBLY ETCHED IN MY BRAIN. OH, GOOD.

I THINK I'LL HAVE THE
GARDEN-FRESH CHEF'S SALAD BOWL...

WITH CRISPY CROUTONS
AND TANGY BACON BITS.

AND YOU? I'LL HAVE A
CUP OF PIPING HOT COFFEE.

RIGHT.

IS THAT ALL? OH, I
HAD A LATE BREAKFAST.

IF YOU HAD A LATE BREAKFAST, HOW
COME YOU INVITED ME TO AN EARLY LUNCH?

UH, WELL, I... I JUST
WANTED TO TALK.

BOY, SOME COFFEE BREAK. NOBODY
EVEN LEFT ME A NEWSPAPER TO READ.

- SO?
- SO...

MY FATHER AND I
HAD SORT OF A FIGHT.

OH, T-THAT'S TOO
BAD. WHAT ABOUT?

WELL, MAINLY ABOUT YOU.

OH, I'M SORRY. IT'S
HARD NOT TO LISTEN.

WOULD YOU MIND IF I ASKED
YOU A PERSONAL QUESTION?

CAN I HEAR THE QUESTION
BEFORE I ANSWER THAT QUESTION?

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT MY FATHER?

UH, WHY?

WELL, YOU SEE, I LIKE YOU.

WELL, THANK YOU,
MATT. I LIKE YOU TOO.

LISTEN, UH, SHOULDN'T WE
TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE?

NO, MARY. MARY, IT'S OKAY.

OH, I'M SORRY. I'LL GO SEE
IF I CAN FIND A NEWSPAPER.

MATT, WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT?

MARY, YOU'VE GOT MY FATHER ON THE RUN. HE'S
NOT IN CHICAGO. HE JUST TOLD YOU HE WAS.

- WHAT?
- YEAH, A-AND HE WASN'T
THERE LAST WEEK EITHER.

- WELL, WHY?
- HE'S AFRAID.

- OF ME?
- OF YOU,

OF LOVE, OF
MARRIAGE, OF DIVORCE.

BOY, HE SURE WORKS
FAST. NO, NOT REALLY.

HE GETS NERVOUS WHEN HE
GETS ATTRACTED TO SOMEBODY.

YOU SEE, HE THINKS THAT
ATTRACTION LEADS TO LOVE,

AND LOVE LEADS TO MARRIAGE,
AND MARRIAGE LEADS TO DIVORCE.

SO NOW THE ONLY GIRLS HE SEES
ARE THE ONES HE DOESN'T LIKE.

WELL, I DON'T THINK HE
LIKES ME ANYMORE. WHY?

BECAUSE HE JUST WALKED IN.

OH, UH, HI, DAD. HELLO.

THEY TOLD ME AT YOUR OFFICE
YOU'D PROBABLY BE HERE.

IS THERE ANYTHING GOING ON
THAT I SHOULDN'T KNOW ABOUT?

WHAT? NO. NO, WE'RE JUST HAVING
LUNCH. WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN US?

NO, BUT I'D BE HAPPY
TO REPLACE YOU.

OH. YEAH, I HAVE A LOT OF
THINGS TO DO ON THE TENTH FLOOR.

GOOD. WELL, UH, HANG IN THERE.

WELL, ALL I COULD FIND
WAS YESTERDAY'S SPORTS...

OH, I MISSED
SOMETHING, DIDN'T I?

OH.

SO, UH... HOW WAS CHICAGO?

OH, IT WAS FINE.

NO. NO, I DON'T KNOW HOW
IT WAS. I DIDN'T GO THERE.

LISTEN, I THINK I'VE GOTTA BE
FAIR WITH YOU. YOU SEE, I'VE...

I'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF THINKING. A LOT
OF THINKING ABOUT US AND OUR RELATIONSHIP.

AND IT'S OCCURRED TO ME, YOU SEE, THAT I'M
VERY MUCH ATTRACTED TO YOU AND... AND...

MARRY ME.

UH, NO. NO?

NO, I-I HAD THE, UH,
GARDEN-FRESH... THE, UH, PIPING, UH...

OH, RIGHT, RIGHT. I'M SORRY.

MATT, I CAN'T MARRY YOU. YOU AND
I... DON'T EVEN KNOW EACH OTHER.

WELL, OF COURSE WE KNOW EACH...

WE DON'T, DO WE?

[ Chuckles ] I'M JUST NO
GOOD AT THIS ANYMORE.

I'VE BEEN RUNNING FOR SO LONG,
I-I GUESS I STOPPED TOO QUICKLY.

DIDN'T I? YEAH, I THINK YOU DID.

UH, I THINK THERE HAS TO
BE SOMETHING IN BETWEEN-...

MAN OF LA MANCHA AND
"WILL YOU MARRY ME?" [ Laughs ]

RIGHT, RIGHT. WELL,
NOW, LOOK, WHY DON'T WE

START TALKING AND GET
TO KNOW EACH OTHER NOW?

YEAH, I'D LIKE THAT.

THEN WILL YOU MARRY ME?

ONCE I BUILT MY FIRST
TREE HOUSE, I KNEW I

WAS EITHER GONNA BE
AN ARCHITECT OR TARZAN.

[ Laughs ] OH, UH, TED?
HAVE YOU MET MATT BRYAN?

OH, YES. WE'VE MET. WE HAVE?

- YOU'RE... MATT BRYAN?
- YES.

THE ARCHITECT? YES.

- YOU JUST HAD LUNCH WITH MARY?
- YES.

OH. OH, THAT'S IT. YOU SHAVED
YOUR MOUSTACHE. [ Laughs ]

IT'S... IT'S HARD TO
EXPLAIN ABOUT TED. HE'S...

[ Mews ]