Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 2, Episode 2 - I Am Curious Cooper - full transcript

Although she has never met him, Mary is attracted to Lou's friend, Mike Cooper, based on the several telephone conversations she's had with him. Apparently, Mike feels the same way about Mary. Before Mary is about to ask Lou to set the two of them up, Lou, who considers Mike, a high powered lawyer, to be the most eligible bachelor in Minneapolis, tells her he has a rule about not setting up his friends. After thinking about it, Lou changes his mind as he believes Mike and Mary are right for each other. On Mike and Mary's first date in which Lou acts as chaperon, Lou does whatever he can to ensure that Mike and Mary hit it off. After several dates, Mary comes to the conclusion that as nice a man as Mike is, there is no romantic spark between the two of them, their awkwardness with each other manifesting itself in always talking about how great a guy Lou is. Although somewhat hurt that Mike also feels the same about her, Mary is relieved that she need not hurt Mike in turning him down. The problem becomes how they will tell Lou that they are not a match made in Lou heaven.

♪ WHO CAN TURN THE
WORLD ON WITH HER SMILE ♪

♪ WHO CAN TAKE A NOTHING DAY ♪

♪ AND SUDDENLY MAKE IT
ALL SEEM WORTHWHILE ♪

♪ WELL, IT'S YOU, GIRL
AND YOU SHOULD KNOW IT ♪

♪ WITH EACH GLANCE AND EVERY
LITTLE MOVEMENT YOU SHOW IT ♪

♪ LOVE IS ALL AROUND
NO NEED TO WASTE IT ♪

♪ YOU CAN HAVE THE TOWN
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE IT ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪♪

[ Ted ] AND SO THE STATE
LEGISLATURE PASSED A BILL...

TO BOLSTER MINNESOTA'S
SLACKING TOURIST TRADE.



THE GOVERNOR'S
EXPECTED TO SIGN THE BILL,

JUST AS SOON AS HE RETURNS
FROM HIS FISHING VACATION IN CANADA.

NOW LET'S HEAR THE
LATEST BALL SCORES FROM

WALLY ARNOLD AND THE
SPORTS. POINT TO WALLY.

NO. NO! DON'T SAY,
"POINT TO WALLY."

[ TV Off ] POINT TO WALLY!

[ Phone Ringing ]

NEWSROOM.

WELL, HIYA, STRANGER. GEE, I HAVEN'T
HEARD FROM YOU IN A LONG TIME.

OH, REALLY? TELL ME ABOUT IT.

UH-HUH. UH-HUH.
YEAH. [ Chuckles ]

HEY, YOU DIDN'T
HAPPEN TO WORK IN ANY

BUSINESS DURING THAT
BUSINESS TRIP, DID YOU?

OH, NO, NOT TOO MUCH. THINGS ARE
PRETTY SLOW AROUND HERE. OH, YEAH?



DOES ANYONE HAPPEN TO
REMEMBER THIS MORNING'S MEMO...

ABOUT PERSONAL PHONE CALLS
DURING BUSINESS HOURS? [ Laughing ]

MURRAY? WELL, HOW CAN WE FORGET?

IT ISN'T OFTEN YOU'LL SEE
THE WORDS "DON'T," "NO,"

"NOT NEVER" AND "FORBID"
IN THE SAME SENTENCE.

IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITES. AS
A MATTER OF FACT, I SAVED IT.

MARY?

UH, JUST A SECOND. MY BOSS IS
STANDING HERE STARING AT ME. YES, SIR?

I WAS JUST WONDERING IF YOU'D MIND
STEPPING INTO MY OFFICE FOR A MINUTE.

YES. WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED
WITH YOUR CALL, OF COURSE!

I'M FINISHED. IT'S FOR YOU.

IT'S YOUR FRIEND, MIKE COOPER. HE CAN'T
REMEMBER WHERE THE CARD GAME IS TONIGHT.

I BETTER TAKE THAT IN MY OFFICE.

HE'LL BE RIGHT
WITH YOU. BYE-BYE.

HEY, MURRAY, DO YOU
HAPPEN TO KNOW MR. COOPER?

NO, I NEVER MET
HIM. WHAT'S HE LIKE?

I DON'T KNOW. WELL,
I DO, BUT I DON'T.

UH, BUT... WELL, IT'S
HARD TO EXPLAIN.

NO, IT ISN'T. YOU DO, BUT YOU
DON'T, BUT YOU DO. I UNDERSTAND.

MURRAY, COME ON, REALLY.
WHAT I MEAN... I JUST...

I'VE NEVER MET HIM IN PERSON.
I'VE ONLY MET HIS VOICE.

- WELL, WHAT'S HIS VOICE LIKE?
- INTERESTING.

BE PREPARED TO BE DISAPPOINTED.

WHEN I FIRST CAME TO THIS STATION, THERE
WAS A GUY THAT SOUNDED GREAT ON THE PHONE,

BUT WHEN I MET HIM, HE TURNED
OUT TO BE A COMPLETE AND UTTER DUD.

WHO WAS THAT? HI, GUYS.

SPEAK OF THE DUD.

SAY, MAR, YOU KNOW THAT, UH, RATING
GRAPH THAT YOU'VE BEEN WORKING ON?

THE ONE THAT SHOWS HOW WELL
WE'RE DOING AGAINST THE COMPETITION?

YES, TED, I HAVE IT. HERE
IT IS. THE RED LINE IS US.

HEY, WE'RE ON TOP! [ Chuckles ]

NO, UH, TED... [ Soft Whistle ]

WHO BELIEVES IN THOSE
DUMB RATINGS ANYWAY?

THE PEOPLE ON THE TOP.

SAY, UH, TED, DO YOU HAPPEN TO
KNOW MR. GRANT'S FRIEND, MR. COOPER?

COOPER, COOPER, COOPER.

THREE COOPERS
AND YOU'RE OUT, TED.

WAIT A MINUTE. THAT'S
LOU'S FRIEND, ISN'T IT?

UH, YEAH. YEAH.

WHAT'S HE LOOK LIKE? WELL, I DON'T
KNOW. THAT'S WHY I'M ASKING YOU.

MAR, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
GIVE ME A BETTER HINT THAN THAT.

I DON'T KNOW IF SHE'S OVER 5'5".

I DON'T PAY ATTENTION
TO STUFF LIKE THAT.

YEAH, YOU BET SHE'S ATTRACTIVE.

STUFF LIKE THAT I
PAY ATTENTION TO.

LISTEN, WE GOT A LITTLE
RULE AROUND HERE.

WE NEVER INDULGE IN PERSONAL
PHONE CALLS DURING BUSINESS HOURS.

CAN WE GET THIS CONVERSATION
BACK TO BUSINESS? GOOD.

NOW, THE POKER GAME
TONIGHT IS AT WALTER'S PLACE.

8:30. AND IT'S YOUR
TURN TO BRING THE DIP.

[ Buzzing ]

YES?

THERE WAS SOMETHING I WANTED
TO SEE YOU ABOUT. WHAT WAS IT?

UH, THAT I SHOULDN'T MAKE
PERSONAL PHONE CALLS.

OH, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

- IS THERE SOMETHING ELSE
I WANTED TO SEE YOU ABOUT?
- UH, WELL, NO.

YES. I WAS CURIOUS.
UH, MIKE COOPER...

OH, NO, YOU DON'T. I'M NOT
FIXING YOU UP WITH MIKE COOPER.

I DIDN'T SAY THAT I WANTED
TO BE FIXED UP WITH HIM.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH MIKE COOPER?

WELL, HE'S, UH...
EVERYONE'S CRAZY ABOUT HIM.

HE'S A BIG LAWYER. HE
MAKES $50,000 A YEAR, AND...

MARY, YOU QUIT PUMPING
ME. I'M NOT PUMPING YOU.

I JUST ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT HE
SOUNDED VERY NICE ON THE PHONE.

WELL, LET'S KEEP IT THAT WAY.

WELL, SURE. UH, LET'S
KEEP IT THAT WAY.

OKAY. OKAY.

I'LL TELL YOU WHY.

THEN YOU'LL KNOW WHY
I DON'T FIX PEOPLE UP.

WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE,

I HAD A BEST FRIEND
NAMED WARREN TUCKER.

TUCK AND I WERE THIS CLOSE.

THEN I FIXED HIM UP
WITH A GIRL I KNEW.

I FIGURED THEY'D HIT IT
OFF REAL GOOD. MM-HMM.

BUT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT.

THEY GOT MARRIED. UM...

DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY THAT IT
DIDN'T... IT WAS A ROTTEN MARRIAGE.

IF I HADN'T MEDDLED AND
GOTTEN THOSE TWO TOGETHER,

WARREN TUCKER MIGHT
BE A HAPPY MAN TODAY.

MARY, I CAN'T RUN THE RISK OF
MESSING UP MIKE COOPER'S LIFE...

BY INTRODUCING HIM TO YOU.

WELL.

THANKS A LOT.

[ Knocking ]

IT'S ME. HI.

MARY, YOU KNOW THE BEST
THING ABOUT GOING ON A DIET?

GOING OFF A DIET. [ Chuckles ]

THIS WILL BE THE FIRST FOOD
I HAVE HAD IN TWO WEEKS...

THAT IS NOT GREEN
AND LEAFY. [ Chuckles ]

JUST HANG IN THERE, KID.
WHEN THE BUZZER GOES OFF,

THE LOBSTER IS READY. MMM.

WHAT'S IN THERE? TEN
THOUSAND CALORIES...

SCREAMING TO GET OUT AND
GET INTO MY BODY. OH, RHODA.

THERE HAS GOT TO BE A
BETTER WAY TO CELEBRATE

LOSING WEIGHT THAN
STUFFING YOURSELF.

[ Timer Buzzing ] AH,
THERE'S THE LOBSTER.

[ Knocking ]

BOY, HE REALLY WANTS TO
GET OUT OF THERE, DOESN'T HE?

ANSWER THE LOBSTER,
AND I'LL ANSWER THE DOOR.

[ Knocking ]

MR. GRANT. HI, MARY.

UH, COME IN.

I HOPE I'M NOT GETTING
YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF DINNER.

UH, NO. DINNER IS SERVED.

WELL, NOT IN THE
MIDDLE... YET. UH-HUH.

- RHODA, YOU KNOW MR. GRANT.
- OH, SURE. HIYA, LOU.

HI.

UH, WOULD YOU LIKE
SOMETHING TO EAT?

YEAH, THAT'D BE NICE.

GOT ANY SCOTCH? UH, SURE.

YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT
ANYTHING TO GO WITH IT?

YEAH, MAYBE I'D BETTER.

PUT A LITTLE ICE IN IT.

THIS IS CERTAINLY AN
UNEXPECTED PLEASURE.

WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE TONIGHT?
I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU, MARY,

BEFORE I WENT TO MY
POKER GAME TONIGHT.

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING? MAKING A DRINK.

THAT'S NOT HOW YOU MAKE A DRINK.

GIVE ME THAT. HERE'S
HOW YOU MAKE A DRINK.

WHAT DO I DO WITH
THIS? POUR IT IN THERE.

NOW YOU'VE GOT IT.

WELL. WELL, WELL, MR. GRANT.

MARY,

I STARTED THINKING ON THE
WAY TO MY CARD GAME TONIGHT.

WELL, I SAID A VERY FOOLISH
THING AT THE OFFICE TODAY.

OH? WHAT FOOLISH THING
WAS THAT, MR. GRANT?

I WAS BULLHEADED,
SELFISH, INSENSITIVE.

- YOU KNOW HOW I AM.
- OH, YEAH.

MARY, I'M GONNA
BREAK MY RULE FOR YOU.

- WHICH RULE?
- MY "NOT FIXING PEOPLE UP
WITH MIKE COOPER" RULE.

- WHO'S MIKE COOPER?
- MIKE COOPER IS PROBABLY...

THE MOST ELIGIBLE
BACHELOR IN THE TWIN CITIES.

HE'S A BIG LAWYER,
HE'S AVAILABLE,

AND MARY'S HAD HER
EYE ON HIM FOR A LONG

TIME, AND THAT'S WHY
I'M GONNA BREAK MY RULE.

MR. GRANT, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO BREAK YOUR RULE. HEY, HEY.

I DIDN'T DO ALL THIS THINKING AND COME
ALL THE WAY OVER HERE TO BREAK MY RULE...

JUST SO YOU CAN TELL
ME NOT TO BREAK MY RULE.

I CAME HERE TO BREAK MY RULE,
AND I'M GONNA BREAK MY RULE.

LOOK, BOTH YOU AND MIKE ARE A
COUPLE OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE.

AND, WELL, IT JUST FEELS RIGHT.

LIKE ME BEING SINGLE.

LOOK, YOU, ME AND MIKE WILL
HAVE LUNCH TOGETHER TOMORROW...

JUST TO GET ACQUAINTED, OKAY?

OKAY.

THANKS FOR THE MEAL.

DON'T GET UP. BYE-BYE, GIRLS.

GOOD-BYE, MR. GRANT.
SO LONG, LOU.

MARY, TOMORROW WEAR
YOUR PURPLE DRESS.

UH, MY PURPLE DRESS? WHY?

YOU KNOW.

WH... DON'T YOU THINK
IT'S-IT'S A LITTLE, UH...

RIGHT.

- MARY COOPER.
- OH, COME ON, RHODA.

IT'S JUST ANOTHER BLIND DATE.
PROBABLY NOTHING WILL COME OF IT.

REALLY? RHODA COOPER.

LUNCHTIME.

ANYONE WANNA JOIN
ME FOR TERIYAKI? MAR?

THANKS, TED. I'D LOVE TO, BUT
I'VE GOT A DATE FOR LUNCH. OH.

HOW ABOUT YOU, MURRAY? YOU IN THE MOOD
FOR A LITTLE TERIYAK-ER-REENY FOR LUNCH?

THERE AREN'T ANY JAPANESE
RESTAURANTS AROUND HERE.

I KNOW THAT. CHEF LEROY MADE
SOME BEEF TERIYAKI ON HIS SHOW TODAY.

CAN'T YOU SMELL IT?
IT'S IN ALL THE HALLS.

OH, GEE, TED.

I'D LOVE TO JOIN YOU, BUT,
UH, I BROUGHT MY LUNCH TODAY.

OH. OH, THAT'S OKAY. THAT MEANS
THERE'LL JUST BE MORE FOR ME.

[ Chuckles ]

WELL, I THINK I'LL
TAKE MY LUNCH BREAK.

I'LL BE AT BILL'S BIG BURGER
IF ANYONE WANTS ME.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU
BROUGHT YOUR LUNCH. OH, NO.

I ALWAYS KEEP A DUMMY
LUNCH FOR WHEN TED ASKS ME.

I'LL SEE YOU, MAR.

WHAT'S THAT BIG STINK IN
THE HALL? BEEF TERIYAKI.

CHEF LEROY COOKED
IT ON HIS SHOW TODAY.

BOY, THAT LEROY.

ONE TIME HE MADE
CORNED BEEF AND CABBAGE,

AND THEY HAD TO EVACUATE
THE WHOLE BUILDING.

MARY? YES, SIR?

YOU'RE NOT WEARING
MY PURPLE DRESS.

OH, YEAH, I KNOW.
IT'S IN THE CLEANERS.

BUT... WELL, ISN'T
THIS ONE OKAY?

YEAH, BUT IT JUST ISN'T
THE PURPLE ONE, THAT'S ALL.

[ Ringing ]

NEWSROOM. YES. YES, I WILL.

I'LL HAVE HIM CALL. NOT AT ALL.

THAT WAS MR. COOPER'S OFFICE. THEY
WANT HIM TO CALL AS SOON AS HE GETS HERE.

AND WHY ARE YOU
STRAIGHTENING MY DESK? HUH?

OH. WHEN MIKE GETS HERE, I DON'T
WANT HIM TO THINK YOU'RE SLOPPY.

OH, MR. GRANT. IT'S JUST
A GET-ACQUAINTED LUNCH.

THERE'S NO NEED TO...

UH... MIKE!

SURPRISE ME, WILL YOU? HUH?

UH, WELL, HERE SHE IS.

MARY RICHARDS.

MARY, THIS IS MIKE COOPER.

MIKE COOPER, THIS
IS MARY RICHARDS.

HI. HI.

OH, YOUR OFFICE CALLED. THEY'D
LIKE YOU TO CALL THEM RIGHT AWAY.

YOU CAN USE MY PHONE
RIGHT IN HERE, MIKE. EXCUSE ME.

RIGHT IN HERE, PAL.

WELL, HOW DO YOU
LIKE HIM SO FAR?

- WELL, HE-HE'S, UH, VERY...
- OH, YOU'RE DARN RIGHT, HE IS.

AND BY THE WAY, MARY, YOU
CALLED HIM "MR. COOPER."

- MIKE.
- RIGHT.

THE LINE WAS BUSY.
I'LL CALL THEM LATER.

LATER MEANS FROM
HIS CAR. OH, COME ON.

THE MAN HAS A PHONE IN HIS CAR.

HOW MANY GUYS DO YOU KNOW WHO
CAN MAKE A CALL FROM THEIR CAR?

MY COUSIN CAN. HE'S
PROBABLY A BIG LAWYER TOO.

NO, HE'S A BIG COP.

WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU
KIDS LIKE TO HAVE FOR LUNCH?

I'LL LEAVE THAT UP
TO YOU. ALL RIGHT.

YOU DECIDE, MIKE. COME ON.

YOU KNOW, IT'S THE
STRANGEST THING.

EVER SINCE I GOT
OFF THE ELEVATOR,

I'VE HAD THIS CRAVING
FOR BEEF TERIYAKI.

I THINK I'LL HAVE THE
TEMPURA LUNCHEON.

GOOD. I'LL HAVE THE SUKIYAKI.

OKAY. UH... [ Japanese ]

- WHAT?
- I'LL HAVE BEEF TERIYAKI.

- YOUR ENGLISH IS MUCH BETTER.
- THANK YOU.

I WAS TRYING TO IMPRESS
YOU. HOW AM I DOING?

IT SOUNDED VERY GOOD
TO ME. HALF WAY THROUGH,

I REALIZED I'D NEVER BE ABLE TO
ORDER THE WHOLE MEAL IN JAPANESE,

BUT IT WAS TOO LATE
TO TURN BACK. [ Laughing ]

WHAT A GUY!

GEE, THIS IS A FUN PLACE TO EAT.

BET YOU DIDN'T EVEN THINK I
COULD FIND A JAPANESE RESTAURANT.

I THINK THE LONG
DRIVE WAS WORTH IT.

WHAT TOWN ARE WE
IN, ANYWAY? YOKOHAMA.

- WHAT A GUY!
- WHEN YOU KEEP SAYING,
"WHAT A GUY,"

I FEEL LIKE I'M ON
DISPLAY OR SOMETHING.

WHY DON'T WE CHANGE THE
SUBJECT? LET'S TALK ABOUT MARY.

THEN YOU CAN SAY, "WHAT A GIRL!"

WHAT A GUY!

SO, MIKE, UM, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

IS SHE EVEN NICER THAN YOU
PICTURED HER ON THE PHONE?

NO. BUT I PICTURED
HER PRETTY GOOD.

WAIT TILL YOU SEE HER
IN HER PURPLE DRESS.

MARY, UH, WHAT DO
YOU THINK OF MIKE?

UH...

THIS ISN'T GONNA BE AN EASY
LUNCH. I THINK YOU MAY BE RIGHT.

SOMETHING WRONG? WHAT'S WRONG?

LOU, EVERYTHING IS
FINE, IF YOU'D JUST RELAX.

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. OKAY.

I'LL RELAX, AND I
WON'T SAY ANYTHING.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN
YOU WON'T SAY ANYTHING?

WE DON'T WANT YOU TO JUST
SIT THERE AND NOT SAY ANYTHING.

MR. GRANT, WE WANT
YOU TO SAY SOMETHING.

I WANT YOU TWO TO
TALK. GO AHEAD, TALK.

UM...

SO, UH, MIKE, YOU'RE A LAWYER.
THAT MUST BE FASCINATING.

YEAH, IT REALLY IS. I LOVE IT.

COURTROOM DRAMA IS SO
INTERESTING. YEAH, IT MUST BE.

I HAVEN'T BEEN IN A
COURTROOM IN THREE YEARS.

LAST TIME I WAS IN A COURTROOM, I
WAS FIGHTING MY OWN SPEEDING TICKET.

I LOST.

ANYBODY AT THIS TABLE HAVE BLACK
FOUR-DOOR SEDAN IN PARKING LOT,

LICENSE M-R-V-291? ME.

YOUR CAR IS RINGING.

SO WHAT TIME IS
MIKE PICKING YOU UP?

OH, I DON'T KNOW. ABOUT
TEN MINUTES, I GUESS.

LOOK, MARY, I'M DEPRESSED
BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A DATE.

YOU'RE DEPRESSED BECAUSE
YOU DO. IS THERE ANY HOPE FOR US?

I'M NOT... REALLY DEPRESSED.

I'M JUST NOT... REALLY EXCITED.

OH, ONE OF THOSE, HUH?

YEAH. AND IT'S REALLY TOO
BAD. HE'S SUCH A NICE GUY.

CHARMING. HE'S WITTY. IT'S JUST
THERE'S NOTHING BETWEEN US.

- NOT EVEN A WALL, HUH?
- NOTHING.

THE WORST PART OF IT IS THAT
ALL DAY LONG AT THE OFFICE,

MR. GRANT IS GIVING ME
LITTLE WINKS AND SMILES,

LIKE HE KNOWS
SOMETHING'S HAPPENING.

AND THE ONLY THING
THAT'S HAPPENING IS...

NOTHING'S HAPPENING.

I THINK YOUR PROBLEM IS
MR. GRANT. HMPH. I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.

EVERY TIME MIKE AND I
ARE OUT, THE CONVERSATION

ALWAYS WORKS ITS WAY
AROUND TO MIKE SAYING,

"GEE, LOU SURE IS A GREAT GUY."

AND I ALWAYS COUNTER
WITH, [ Chuckles ] "HE SURE IS."

AND WE END UP SPENDING THE REST OF
THE EVENING TALKING ABOUT MR. GRANT.

MARY, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
IF JUST ONCE YOU AND MIKE...

DON'T EVEN TALK ABOUT MR. GRANT?

OR MENTION HIS NAME?
OR THINK ABOUT HIM AT ALL?

THAT MIGHT BE A
LITTLE DIFFICULT. WHY?

'CAUSE WE'RE HAVING
DINNER AT MR. GRANT'S.

[ Chuckling ]

THAT LOU SURE IS A GREAT
GUY, ISN'T HE? OH, HE SURE IS.

WOULD YOU LIKE A CUP OF
COFFEE? YEAH, THAT'S FINE.

YOU KNOW, YOU'VE REALLY
FIXED THIS PLACE UP NICE.

OH, THANK YOU.

LOU'S FIXED HIS PLACE
UP NICE, HASN'T HE?

YEAH. HE... HE SURE
IS A... GREAT GUY.

[ Door Opens ]

YEAH, HE SURE IS.

MARY, UM,

LOU'S TAKEN QUITE AN
INTEREST IN US, HASN'T HE?

OH, YES.

SOMETIMES I THINK THAT, UH,

HE'S TAKEN MORE OF AN INTEREST
IN US THAN WE HAVE IN EACH OTHER.

HOW WE GONNA TELL
HIM? UH, TELL HIM WHAT?

THAT YOU HAVE NO MORE
INTEREST IN ME THAN... OH, NO.

I-I WOULDN'T SAY... W-WAIT...
WAIT A MINUTE. I HAVEN'T FINISHED.

THAN I HAVE IN YOU.

OH. NOW, DON'T GET ME WRONG.

YOU'RE A PRETTY,
ATTRACTIVE, INTELLIGENT GIRL,

BUT... YOU'RE NOT MY TYPE.

[ Chuckles ] WELL.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW? [ Laughs ]

KIND OF A RELIEF, ISN'T IT?

YEAH, IT IS.

HEY, MIKE? YEAH?

WHY AREN'T I YOUR TYPE?

I LIKE KIND OF AN OLDER WOMAN.

MORE SEASONED, MORE, UH, MEAT
AND POTATOES. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YOU'RE MORE LIKE, UH...
YOU'RE LIKE DESSERT, SEE?

- A FLUFFY DESSERT.
- I'M NOT FLUFFY.

YOU ARE IN YOUR PURPLE DRESS.

THANK YOU.

HEY, YOU KNOW THIS IS THE
LONGEST CONVERSATION WE'VE HAD...

SINCE I'VE KNOWN YOU WHERE
WE DIDN'T MENTION LOU GRANT?

YEAH, HE SURE... HE SURE IS.

HE SURE IS.

MARY, WE'VE GOT TWO OPTIONS.

WE ARE GONNA HAVE TO TELL
HIM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE...

THAT WE ARE NOT
INTERESTED IN EACH OTHER...

OR WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET MARRIED
JUST TO KEEP FROM HURTING HIS FEELINGS.

BOY, IT'S GONNA BE
REALLY HARD TO TELL HIM.

I THINK THE EARLIER WE
DO IT, THE EASIER IT'LL BE.

- OH, YEAH. IT HAS TO BE RIGHT AWAY.
- FIRST THING TOMORROW MORNING?

PERFECT. I CAN'T BE THERE.

- I HAVE TO GO TO COURT.
- I THOUGHT YOU SAID
YOU NEVER WENT TO COURT.

I GOT ANOTHER SPEEDING TICKET.

GOOD MORNING, MURRAY.
GOOD MORNING, MAR.

- IS MR. GRANT IN YET?
- NO.

I CAN TELL BECAUSE MY
FEET ARE UP ON MY DESK.

GOOD MORNING. NOW HE'S IN.

GET HOME OKAY?

UH, YES. GOOD.

M-MR. GRANT? HUH?

COULD I SEE YOU
FOR A MINUTE? SURE.

WELL, NO, UH... IN THERE. SURE.

YOU KNOW, MARY, EDIE THOUGHT YOU
AND MIKE LOOKED PERFECT TOGETHER.

AND BELIEVE ME, SHE KNOWS.

SHE KNOWS.

- HEY, WHAT ARE YOU TWO
DOING TONIGHT?
- NOTHING.

GOOD. WHY DON'T THE TWO
OF YOU JOIN US... THE REASON...

WE'RE DOING NOTHING IS
THAT MR. COOPER AND I...

- MIKE.
- NO! MR. COOPER.

- YOU AREN'T HAVING YOUR
FIRST FIGHT, ARE YOU?
- NO, MR. GRANT.

IT'S NOTHING AS SERIOUS
AS ALL THAT. GOOD.

WE'RE JUST NOT SEEING
EACH OTHER ANYMORE.

- WHAT?
- MR. GRANT,

IT JUST DIDN'T WORK
OUT BETWEEN US.

- THERE WAS... NO MAGIC.
- MAGIC?

WHAT DO YOU WANT HIM TO
DO? PULL A RABBIT OUT OF A HAT?

NO, MR. GRANT. DO
SNAPPY CARD TRICKS?

NO, MR. GRANT. MAKE YOUR
LITTLE HEART GO PITTY-PAT?

THAT'S IT.

MR. GRANT, WHAT I'M
TRYING TO SAY IS THAT...

WHEN I'M OUT WITH
MR. COOPER ON A DATE,

IT'S... IT'S LIKE
BEING OUT WITH YOU.

SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT?

LET ME PUT IT ANOTHER WAY.

I THINK THAT ONE OF THE REASONS
THAT YOU LIKE MR. COOPER SO MUCH...

IS THAT HE'S SO MUCH LIKE YOU,
WHICH IS WHY I LIKE HIM SO MUCH.

BUT I JUST DON'T FEEL
ANY ATTRACTION FOR HIM,

JUST LIKE I DON'T FEEL
ANY ATTRACTION FOR...

UH, LET ME PUT THAT ANOTHER WAY.

NO, YOU PUT IT ENOUGH WAYS.

MARY, YOU DON'T
SEEM TO UNDERSTAND.

I DON'T DO THIS.

I BROKE THE RULE FOR YOU.

I WENT OUT ON A
LIMB FOR YOU TWO.

AT LEAST YOU COULD GIVE
THAT LIMB A CHANCE TO GROW...

AND TO BLOSSOM...

BEFORE YOU GO UP
THERE AND HACK IT OFF!

MR. GRANT, I DIDN'T HACK
IT OFF. I GAVE IT A CHANCE.

GIVING IT A CHANCE
TAKES TIME, MARY.

MRS. GRANT AND I HAVE BEEN
GIVING IT A CHANCE FOR 26 YEARS.

AND WE KNOW THAT ONE OF
THESE DAYS IT'S GOING TO WORK OUT.

I WISH YOU WOULDN'T GET SO
EXCITED. OF COURSE I'M EXCITED.

YOU JUST SAID MY BEST FRIEND
ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU. NO.

YOU DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND.
HE DOESN'T CARE MUCH FOR ME EITHER.

- WHAT?
- HE SAYS I'M NOT HIS TYPE.

OH, WHAT DOES HE KNOW?
GET HIM ON THE PHONE.

- MR. GRANT...
- GET HIM.

- OH. HELLO.
- I SAID ON THE PHONE.

I THOUGHT YOU HAD TO BE
IN COURT. I PLEADED GUILTY.

IT'S QUICKER. WELL, DID MARY...

UH, HE TOOK IT BAD.

JUST TELL ME ONE THING.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER?

JUST ONE THING. HUH?
SHE'S TOO FAT, LOU.

LOU, LOOK, WE
APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN,

BUT TAKE MY WORD FOR IT,

AS A FRIEND AND A LAWYER,
IT JUST DIDN'T WORK OUT.

- WAS IT SOMETHING I DID?
- OH, NO, MR. GRANT.

YOU DID EVERYTHING
YOU COULD. MORE.

I DID TOO MUCH,
DIDN'T I? IT'S MY FAULT.

WILL YOU STOP WHIPPING
YOURSELF? IT'S OVER. IT'S ALL OVER.

ARE YOU SURE YOU TWO KIDS
KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING?

HAVE YOU THOUGHT IT OVER? THIS
IS A BIG DECISION YOU'RE MAKING.

WE'RE GROWN-UPS.

THEN YOU'RE NOT MAD AT ME OR
ANYTHING, HUH? OH, MR. GRANT, NO.

- WE THOUGHT IT WAS VERY SWEET OF YOU...
- SWEET?

THAT'S RIGHT,
LOU. DON'T FIGHT IT.

YOU ARE SWEET. OH, CUT IT OUT.

I, UH, GUESS YOU WON'T BE
ABLE TO USE THESE THEN, HUH?

OH.

TWO TICKETS TO THE HOCKEY GAME.

- ISN'T THAT...
- SWEET.

OH, THEY'RE JUST A
COUPLE OF FREE PASSES.

NOW WHAT AM I GONNA
DO WITH THEM? HEY, MIKE.

YOU WANNA GO WITH ME? SURE.

WE CAN GO OUT AND GET A
FEW BELTS BEFORE THE GAME.

WE DON'T EVEN HAVE TO
GO OUT BEFORE THE GAME.

I'VE GOT BELTS RIGHT
HERE IN MY OFFICE.

WE DON'T EVEN HAVE TO
GO TO THE GAME AT ALL.

- HEY, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
- LISTEN, I'VE GOTTA GO TO WORK.

WELL, UH, I'LL BE
TALKING TO YOU.

I'LL BE LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

YEAH.

HERE, MARY. YOU TAKE THESE.

YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO GO IN THE FIRST PLACE.

ALONE?

CALL MY WIFE. SHE'S
PROBABLY NOT DOING ANYTHING.

OH!

[ Ringing ]

NEWSROOM.

WELL, HIYA, STRANGER.

I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM
YOU IN A LONG TIME.

HOW YA BEEN? [ Chuckles ]

OH, NOT TOO MUCH. THINGS
ARE PRETTY SLOW AROUND HERE.

COME ON, COME ON, COME
ON. LET ME TALK TO HIM.

JUST A SECOND. THERE'S SOMEONE
HERE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.

IT'S MY FATHER.

[ Meows ]