Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 2, Episode 17 - The Slaughter Affair - full transcript

♪ WHO CAN TURN THE
WORLD ON WITH HER SMILE ♪

♪ WHO CAN TAKE A NOTHING DAY ♪

♪ AND SUDDENLY MAKE IT
ALL SEEM WORTHWHILE ♪

♪ WELL, IT'S YOU, GIRL
AND YOU SHOULD KNOW IT ♪

♪ WITH EACH GLANCE AND EVERY
LITTLE MOVEMENT YOU SHOW IT ♪

♪ LOVE IS ALL AROUND
NO NEED TO WASTE IT ♪

♪ YOU CAN HAVE THE TOWN
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE IT ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪♪

THE DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC SAFETY
EXPECTS A RECORD NUMBER OF ACCIDENTS...

OVER THE COMING
HOLIDAY WEEKEND...



DUE TO CROWDED
HIGHWAYS AND ICY STREETS.

SO WE AT WJM-TV URGE YOU TO
DO YOUR BIT AND DRIVE CARELESSLY.

DID I REALLY HEAR THAT, OR
WAS IT JUST MY IMAGINATION?

[ Groans ] HEAR WHAT?

WELL, IT MUST'VE BEEN MY IMAGINATION.
DID I HEAR WHAT I JUST HEARD?

YEAH, I THINK YOU DID.

FIVE, FOUR, THREE,
TWO... [ Ringing ]

THAT'LL BE FOR ME.

YES, SAM? YES, I HEARD THAT.

NO, NO, WE'RE NOT ADVOCATING
RECKLESS DRIVING, SAM.

NO, NO, IT'S JUST THAT BAXTER'S
MOUTH IS ACCIDENT-PRONE.

YES, SAM. YES, I DO PLAN
TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

YES. RIGHT NOW. YES, SAM.

[ Replaces Receiver ]



THANKS, LOU. GOOD
SHOW TONIGHT, GUYS.

SEE IF YOU CAN READ THIS.

"YOU'RE FRIED."

YOU'RE FIRED!

WHAT-WHAT FOR? BECAUSE
YOU CAN'T EVEN READ THIS!

THAT SEEMS LIKE A
PRETTY SMALL THING...

DID YOU HEAR WHAT YOU
SAID IN YOUR SIGN-OFF?

WELL, I WASN'T PAYING MUCH
ATTENTION. I'LL LOOK AND SEE.

"THE DEPARTMENT OF
PUBLIC SAFETY EXPECTS A

RECORD... OVER THE
COMING HOLIDAY WEEKEND...

"DUE TO CROWDED...

WE AT WJM URGE YOU TO DO YOUR BIT
AND DRIVE CARELESSLY." YOU DID IT AGAIN.

HE DID IT AGAIN. I COULD
GIVE HIM TEN SHOTS AT IT,

BUT YOU'D STILL SAY "CARELESSLY"
EVERY TIME, WOULDN'T YOU?

WELL, SURE. THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS.

IF IT'S WRONG, IT'S NOT
MY FAULT. IT'S MURRAY'S.

[ Softly ] YOU'RE
HIRED. I'M HIRED?

YOU'RE HIRED. NOT SO FAST, LOU.

YOU JUST FIRED ME. YOU WANNA HIRE
ME, IT'LL HAVE TO BE FOR MORE MONEY.

- MORE MONEY?
- THAT'S RIGHT.

BUT FIRST YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO SAY, "I'M SORRY, TED."

I'M SORRY, TED. ALL RIGHT,
NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT MONEY.

HOW MUCH? YOU HUMILIATED
ME IN FRONT OF MY STAFF, LOU.

YOU SAID HARSH,
UNCOMPLIMENTARY THINGS...

WHICH ARE UNFOUNDED AND
UNCALLED FOR... HOW MUCH?

TEN BUCKS A WEEK BE OKAY?
THANKS, LOU. YOU GOT IT.

THAT WORKED OUT
PRETTY GOOD, EH, GUYS?

MURRAY! COME INTO MY OFFICE.

SIT DOWN, MURRAY.

I'M ALREADY SITTING...
SIT DOWN, I SAID!

SURE, LOU.

DID YOU JUST YAWN AT ME?

NO, I JUST DIDN'T YAWN AT YOU. I
TRIED TO YAWN AWAY FROM YOU.

- YOU MISSED.
- I'M SORRY, BUT...

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
WHEN YOU FEEL A YAWN COMING ON.

YOU DON'T WANNA YAWN,
AND YOU TRY NOT TO YAWN.

YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE,
DON'T YOU? YEAH, A YAWN.

YOU SEE? YOU JUST DID
IT YOURSELF. MURRAY!

WHY ARE WE WASTING MY TIME
TALKING ABOUT YOUR YAWNS?

I JUST HAD TO APOLOGIZE
TO TED OUT THERE.

I DON'T LIKE TO APOLOGIZE
TO TED. I LIKE TO CHEW TED OUT.

AND I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN I CHEW
TED OUT AND FIND OUT I'M WRONG.

- AM I BORING YOU?
- [ Yawning ] NO, NO, NO.

WILL YOU STOP THAT!

I JUST TOLD YOU, WHEN
YOU TRY TO STOP, YOU CAN'T.

IF I CAN STOP, YOU
CAN STOP. I'M STOPPING.

SEE? NO YAWNING.

AND THE NEXT TIME YOU MAKE
A MISTAKE ON BAXTER'S COPY,

I'LL DOCK YOU THE EXTRA
MONEY I HAD TO PAY HIM.

OKAY, THAT'S ALL. YOU
KNOW, THAT'S TERRIFIC, LOU...

THE WAY YOU CAN JUST
NOT YAWN LIKE THAT.

JUST TAKES WILLPOWER,
THAT'S ALL. JUST LIKE THAT.

JUST LIKE THAT.

EVERYTHING OKAY?
YEAH, SURE. FINE, THANKS.

GOOD NIGHT, MARY. MURRAY.
GOOD NIGHT, MR. GRANT.

GOOD NIGHT, LOU.

IT WON'T HAPPEN
AGAIN, LOU. I KNOW!

YOU KNOW, I DON'T
BLAME LOU FOR BEING MAD.

I DON'T KNOW HOW A MISTAKE
LIKE THAT EVER GOT ON THE AIR.

IT WAS MY FAULT, MURRAY. I DIDN'T
HAVE A CHANCE TO CHECK YOUR COPY.

YOU'VE BEEN CHECKING MY COPY?

WELL, I WASN'T GONNA SAY
ANYTHING ABOUT IT, BUT...

WELL, OKAY, NOW THAT NOBODY HAS MENTIONED
IT, FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF WEEKS...

I CANNOT ONLY SEE THAT SOMETHING IS
BOTHERING YOU, MURRAY... I CAN READ IT.

YOU MEAN YOU'VE BEEN
COVERING FOR ME, MARY?

WE'VE ALL BEEN
COVERING FOR YOU, MURR.

USUALLY I MANAGE TO CATCH TYPOS, BUT
ONCE IN A WHILE SOMETHING SLIPS BY ME.

I'M NOT PERFECT, YOU KNOW.

DON'T TAKE IT TOO HARD.

YOU DO A GOOD JOB IN OTHER WAYS.

SEE YOU MONDAY, ALL.

TO HAVE TO TAKE THAT FROM
HIM, AND TO KNOW HE'S RIGHT.

HEY, MURRAY, SOMETHING
IS BOTHERING YOU, ISN'T IT?

WHY DO YOU SAY THAT? WELL, IT'S
NOT JUST THE MISTAKES IN YOUR COPIES.

YOU JUST... YOU DON'T SEEM
YOURSELF. YOU SEEM TIRED.

YEAH, WELL, I GUESS
I AM A LITTLE TIRED.

HEY, LOOK, I'M SORRY. I
SHOULDN'T BE PRYING LIKE THIS.

YOU AND I ARE GOOD FRIENDS, AND IF
YOU WANNA TELL ME SOMETHING, YOU WILL.

IN THE MEANTIME, IT'S
YOUR PROBLEM, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

IT-IT ISN'T ANY, YOU KNOW,
KIND OF TROUBLE AT HOME, IS IT?

OH, NO. AS A MATTER OF FACT,

MARIE AND I ARE GONNA CELEBRATE OUR
TENTH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY IN TWO WEEKS.

HEY, TERRIFIC. WHAT
ARE YOU GONNA GET HER?

WELL, I ALWAYS BUY
HER SOMETHING BIG,

BUT SHE'S SO PRACTICAL SHE ALWAYS
RETURNS IT AND GETS SOMETHING SMALL.

SO I THOUGHT THIS YEAR, I'D JUST GET
HER SOMETHING SMALL TO BEGIN WITH.

- OH? WHAT?
- A COMPACT CAR.

A CAR?

YEAH. I'VE BEEN MOONLIGHTING AT NIGHT
TO TRY TO COME UP WITH THE DOWN PAYMENT.

- MAYBE THAT'S WHY I'M SO TIRED.
- MURRAY, YOU GOT ANOTHER JOB?

FOR A MONTH NOW. I THINK
IT'S CATCHING UP WITH ME.

I THINK IT'S WINNING.

YEAH, BUT I GUESS IN A WEEK,
I'LL HAVE THE DOWN PAYMENT.

AND IN TWO WEEKS, I'LL HAVE
ENOUGH TO BUY A TANKFUL OF GAS.

WELL, WHAT'S THE JOB,
ANYWAY? UH... WHAT?

I SAID, WHAT'S THE NEW JOB?

WELL, I'M TEACHING BASIC
NEWSWRITING IN NIGHT SCHOOL.

HEY, MURRAY, I DIDN'T
KNOW YOU COULD TEACH.

WELL, NEITHER DID I, BUT
I ALWAYS WANTED TO TRY.

LISTEN, YOU CAN COUNT ON ME
TO COVER FOR YOU. THANKS, MARY.

AND I KNOW YOU CAN COUNT ON TED.

I'M AS GOOD AS "FRIED" ALREADY.

[ Knocking ] [ Rhoda ] MARY?
ARE YOU ASLEEP YET?

NO, RHODA. JUST A SECOND.

HI. I GOTTA TELL YOU
WHO I SAW TONIGHT.

OH? WHO? DO YOU HAVE
SOME HOT... ANYTHING?

UH, COFFEE. OH, THAT'S GREAT.

YEAH. SO, UH, WHO
DID YOU SEE TONIGHT?

WELL, I'LL GET TO THAT. FIRST,
LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY DATE.

DO YOU REMEMBER THAT
COMPUTER TECHNICIAN...

THE ONE WHOSE HANDS WERE
PROGRAMMED FOR TOUCHING AND GRABBING?

YEAH, I THINK SO.
THE ONE YOU SAID YOU

WOULDN'T GO OUT WITH
AGAIN IN A MILLION YEARS?

YEAH, WELL, IT'S AMAZING HOW
FAST A MILLION YEARS CAN GO BY.

SO IS THAT WHO YOU'RE
GONNA TELL ME YOU RAN INTO?

NO, NO, I'M COMING TO THAT. FIRST, LET ME
TELL YOU WHERE HE TOOK ME ON THE DATE.

GET THIS... A DRIVE-IN MOVIE.

RHODA, WHO GOES TO A
DRIVE-IN MOVIE IN THE WINTER?

HE DOES.

HE FIGURES IF YOU
GET COLD ENOUGH...

[ Chuckling ] MR. SUBTLE.

MARY, SIX TIMES HE PRESSES
THE RECLINING SEAT BUTTON.

I FIND MYSELF LOOKING UP AT THE
ROOF OF THE CAR INSTEAD OF THE SCREEN.

- WHAT'D YOU DO?
- I CALLED A CAB.

SO YOU TOOK A CAB HOME
FROM A DRIVE-IN MOVIE?

YEAH. HOW ABOUT THAT?

ANOTHER FIRST
FOR THE KID, RIGHT?

BUT LISTEN. I GO IN THE
CAB, I GIVE THE ADDRESS,

AND THE DRIVER GRUNTS AND STARTS
OFF WITHOUT EVEN GLANCING AROUND.

I MEAN, HE JUST
LOOKS STRAIGHT AHEAD.

ALL I CAN SEE ARE THESE EYES
STARING AT ME IN THE REARVIEW MIRROR.

MARY, WHOSE EYES WERE THEY?

UH, RHODA, WHOSE EYES WERE THEY?

WELL, I'M COMING TO THAT.
SO AS WE'RE DRIVING ALONG,

I QUICK REMEMBER WHAT
MY MOTHER ALWAYS TOLD ME:

WHEN YOU GET IN A CAB, ALWAYS
CHECK THE LITTLE PICTURE OF THE DRIVER...

AND MEMORIZE HIS HAT
NUMBER IN CASE YOU HAVE

TO IDENTIFY HIM IN A
POLICE LINEUP, RIGHT?

- YEAH.
- WHICH I DID.

I MEMORIZED THE PICTURE AND THE NUMBER,
WHICH BRINGS ME TO WHO I SAW TONIGHT.

OH, GOOD.

- 9-3-6-2-8.
- OH, RHODA!

THE DRIVER WAS MURRAY.

MURRAY? MY MURRAY?

YEAH, FROM THE
NEWSROOM. UM, WOULD YOU...

WELL, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
MURRAY'S TEACHING AT NIGHT.

YEAH? WELL, TELL HIM THE
ASHTRAYS ARE FULL IN HIS CLASSROOM.

MURRAY DRIVING A CAB. WELL, DID
YOU SAY HELLO TO HIM OR ANYTHING?

OH, NO. IT WAS OBVIOUS THE MAN
WAS EMBARRASSED TO HAVE ME SEE HIM.

SO I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. WELL,
I WONDER WHY HE DIDN'T TELL ME.

I DON'T KNOW, MAR,
BUT I'LL TELL YOU.

I FEEL VERY BAD ABOUT THE WHOLE
THING. BAD ABOUT WHAT? SEEING HIM?

NO. NOT TIPPING HIM.

COURSE OF HABIT.

HUH. THAT'S... MARY.
HOW ABOUT SOME COFFEE?

OH, NO, THANKS.
IT KEEPS ME AWAKE.

MARY, WILL YOU GET THESE
REVISED FIGURES TO SALES? YES, SIR.

SAY, LOU, WHILE WE'RE AT IT, I'D
LIKE MY DRESSING ROOM PAINTED.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "WHILE WE'RE AT
IT"? I MEAN ABOUT LAST FRIDAY NIGHT.

YOU KNOW, THAT LITTLE TALK
ABOUT THE APOLOGY AND THE RAISE.

WELL, I DECIDED I WANT MY
DRESSING ROOM PAINTED.

NO. FOR ME TO GIVE
YOU ANYTHING ELSE,

MURRAY'S GONNA HAVE TO
MAKE ANOTHER BIG MISTAKE,

SO THAT I MAKE A BIG MISTAKE
AND FIRE YOU FOR HIS MISTAKE.

BUT MURRAY'S NOT GONNA
MAKE ANOTHER MISTAKE.

AND IF I FIRE YOU, THE NEXT
TIME IT'S NOT GONNA BE A MISTAKE.

DID I SAY GOOD MORNING, LOU? GOOD
MORNING, MARY. GOOD MORNING, TED.

GOOD MORNING, TED.
GOOD MORNING, MURR.

SPEAKING OF "GOOD
MORNING, MURR," WHERE IS HE?

UH, YOU MEAN MURRAY? UH-HUH.

OH, UH, WELL, MURRAY IS,
UH, JUST, UH, DOWN THE HALL.

UH, DOWN THE COLD HALL. COLD.

MURRAY, YOU'RE LATE!
YEAH, I KNOW, LOU. I'M SORRY.

AND DON'T START THAT AGAIN!

MARY. OH, THANKS.

MARY, LOOK, I GOTTA TALK TO YOU
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.

ABOUT RHODA RECOGNIZING YOU? WHY
DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE DRIVING A CAB?

[ Indistinct ] I KNOW.

WELL, I TOLD MARIE I WAS
TEACHING NIGHT SCHOOL,

AND IT JUST SEEMS
SIMPLER IF I TOLD EVERYBODY

THAT SO SHE WOULDN'T
FIND OUT BY MISTAKE.

WELL, BOY, YOU SURE PICKED A
TOUGH WAY TO EARN EXTRA MONEY.

I'LL SAY. I WAS
ROBBED LAST NIGHT.

WHAT? YEAH, RIGHT AFTER
RHODA GOT OUT OF MY CAB.

OH, MURRAY. THAT'S
NOT THE WORST PART.

I HAD TO GO TO THE POLICE
STATION TO FILE THE REPORT,

WHICH MADE ME LATER
THAN USUAL GETTING HOME.

AND I COULDN'T CALL AND
TELL MARIE WHERE I WAS...

[ Door Slams Shut ] WELL, YOU
SHOULD'VE TOLD HER ANYWAY. NO.

I WAS AFRAID SHE'D
GET UPSET AND MAD...

BECAUSE I WAS TRYING TO MAKE THAT EXTRA
MONEY FOR HER PRESENT AND MAKE ME STOP.

SHE'D BE WORRIED I WAS GONNA GET
ROBBED OR SOME SILLY THING LIKE THAT.

- DID I JUST SAY
WHAT I JUST SAID?
- YES, YOU DID.

WELL, ANYWAY, SHE WAS WORRIED
BECAUSE I WASN'T HOME ON TIME.

SHE CALLED THE NIGHT SCHOOL, AND
THEY SAID THEY NEVER HEARD OF ME.

SO SHE FOUND OUT YOU
WERE DRIVING A CAB ANYWAY.

RIGHT? WORSE THAN THAT.

MARIE DOESN'T BELIEVE I WAS
DRIVING A CAB AT ALL THESE NIGHTS.

MARY, MARIE IS CONVINCED...

THAT I AM HAVING AN
AFFAIR WITH SOMEONE.

OH, WELL, THAT IS WORSE.

WITH YOU.

OH. MORE WORSE.

YOU AND ME... HAVING
AN AF... AN AFFAIR?

OH, MURRAY, DID YOU TELL
MARIE HOW ABSOLUTELY RIDIC...

HOW UNLIKELY THAT IS?

SURE. SO I TOLD HER...

I WAS DRIVING CABS AT
NIGHT TO MAKE EXTRA MONEY.

AND SHE SAID, "WHAT DO WE
NEED THE EXTRA MONEY FOR?"

I JUST COULDN'T TELL HER.

WELL, MURRAY, I
THINK YOU SHOULD. NO.

THEN QUIT THAT OTHER
JOB. GIVE HER THE CAR...

WHEN YOU'VE SAVED ENOUGH
FOR THE DOWN PAYMENT.

BUT MURRAY, PLEASE, TELL MARIE
YOU AND I ARE NOT HAVING AN AFFAIR.

HAVE YOU HEARD THE
LATEST SCUTTLEBUTT?

NO. WHAT IS THE LATEST
SCUTTLEBUTT, TED?

MARY AND MURRAY...
THEY'RE NOT HAVING AN AFFAIR.

NO KIDDING?

TWO PEOPLE IN THIS NEWSROOM
ARE NOT HAVING AN AFFAIR?

MMM. GOT ANY MORE
BOMBSHELLS LIKE THAT?

[ Muttering ] I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T
REALIZE YOU WERE BUSY.

I'M NOT, I'M NOT. COME
IN, COME IN. [ Clears Throat ]

WELL, UH, MR. GRANT, I WAS JUST
WONDERING IF IT WOULD BE ALL RIGHT...

IF I LEAVE BEFORE THE
SHOW IS OVER TONIGHT.

SEE, I HAVE SOMETHING SORT OF
PERSONAL TO TAKE CARE OF. [ Clears Throat ]

BUT IF YOU SAY THAT
IT'S NOT ALL RIGHT,

THAT-THAT WILL BE ALL-ALL RIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW, LOUIS. A LOT OF PEOPLE
SEEM TO BE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU LATELY.

ONE OF THESE DAYS, I'M GONNA ASK
TO LEAVE THE SHOW BEFORE IT'S OVER.

[ Chuckling ]

YOU KNOW, I JUST MAY
TAKE HIM UP ON THAT.

GO AHEAD. MURRAY AND I
WILL HOLD DOWN THE FORT.

THANK YOU.

ANYTHING ELSE?

WELL, IT'S ABOUT
THE MURRAY PROBLEM.

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
THERE IS A MURRAY PROBLEM.

- BUT MR. GRANT...
- NO, NO, NO. YOU HANDLE IT, NOT ME.

BUT THAT'S WHAT
I'M TRYING TO DO.

FINE, FINE. YOU JUST
GO AHEAD AND DO IT,

AS LONG AS IT
DOESN'T INVOLVE ME.

MARY, IS HE SLEEPING
ON HIS TYPEWRITER?

UH, MAYBE HE'S JUST RESTING.

OR MAYBE AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF POUNDING
A TYPEWRITER, HE FINALLY GOT CURIOUS...

AND IS LOOKING INSIDE IT
TO SEE WHAT MAKES IT GO.

MR. GRANT, HE'S
SLEEPING. [ Groans ]

MR. GRANT, LOOK, I DON'T USUALLY GO
PRYING INTO PEOPLE'S PERSONAL AFFAIRS,

BUT BEFORE YOU GET MAD AT MURRAY,
THERE'S SOMETHING YOU OUGHT TO KNOW.

MURRAY IS WORKING NIGHTS
DRIVING A CAB TO EARN EXTRA MONEY.

WHY DIDN'T HE JUST COME AND
TELL ME HE NEEDED MORE MONEY?

THEN I COULD'VE TOLD HIM
WHY I CAN'T GIVE IT TO HIM.

SEE, MR. GRANT, HE'S
TRYING TO EARN THE MONEY...

SO HE CAN AFFORD
TO GIVE HIS WIFE...

A REALLY SENSATIONAL TENTH
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY PRESENT.

I MEAN, ISN'T THAT
JUST THE DARLINGEST...

NICEST THING YOU EVER HEARD OF?

[ Groans ] MARY,

A MAN SHOULDN'T HAVE
TO GO THROUGH WHAT HE'S

GOING THROUGH TO
BUY HIS WIFE A PRESENT.

- RIGHT.
- A MAN SHOULDN'T HAVE
TO EXHAUST HIMSELF...

DRIVING A CAB AT NIGHT
SO THAT HIS WORK SUFFERS...

AND HE GETS CHEWED OUT
BY A HARD-NOSED GUY LIKE ME.

OH, MR. GRANT, I'M JUST SO
GLAD TO HEAR YOU FEEL THIS WAY.

OH, I DO, I DO.

SO YOU TELL MURRAY TO EITHER
QUIT THAT OTHER JOB OR HE'S HAD IT.

BUT MR. GRANT...

MARY, I HAVE A NEWSROOM
TO RUN HERE, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

MURRAY?

SEE? JUST ONE LITTLE CATNAP,
AND I'M FRESH AS A DAISY.

ONLY SIX MORE DAYS OF
THIS, MAR, AND I'M HOME FREE.

MURRAY? YES, MARY?

LISTEN, I... I KNOW YOU
WOULDN'T HAVE WANTED ME TO,

BUT I TOLD MR. GRANT
ABOUT YOUR OTHER JOB.

- YOU DID?
- YES.

SEE, I FIGURED IF HE KNEW WHY
YOU'D BEEN SO TIRED LATELY,

THEN YOU WOULDN'T BE
UNDER SO MUCH PRESSURE.

MARY, YOU'RE A
DOLL. YOU'RE TERRIFIC.

TO DO THAT FOR
ME. WHAT CAN I SAY?

UH, WELL, YOU COULD SAY,

"MARY, WHY DON'T YOU
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS?"

WHAT?

MR. GRANT SAID YOU'VE
GOTTA QUIT THAT OTHER JOB...

OR YOU'VE HAD IT.

YOU'RE KIDDING! NO.

WHY COULDN'T I JUST
LEAVE "BAD ENOUGH" ALONE?

MARY, IT'S NOT YOUR
FAULT. YOU MEANT WELL.

REALLY, IT'S OKAY.

- YEAH, WELL, NOW
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
- I DON'T KNOW.

EITHER WAY, I LOSE. IF I KEEP GOING
FOR THE CAR, I LOSE MY JOB HERE.

AND IF I DON'T GO FOR THE CAR, MARIE
WILL NEVER BELIEVE THAT YOU AND I...

AREN'T HAVING AN AFFAIR.

HEY, MURRAY, COULD YOU
ANSWER SOMETHING FOR ME? SURE.

- WHY DOES SHE THINK IT'S ME?
- I DON'T KNOW. WHO ELSE IS THERE?

BESIDES, SHE SAID I TALK
ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME.

YOU KNOW, IT MUST BE HARD
FOR A WIFE TO UNDERSTAND...

THAT HER HUSBAND AND A SINGLE
WOMAN CAN BE JUST FRIENDS.

YEAH. BUT WE ARE.

I KNOW.

[ Typing ]

NOW, HOW COULD SHE THINK THAT
YOU WOULD DO A THING LIKE THAT?

OH, BOY.

I CAN'T WAIT TILL NEXT WEEK
WHEN I GIVE HER THAT CAR...

AND SEE THAT LOOK ON HER FACE.

IS SHE GONNA FEEL ROTTEN!

[ Doorbell Rings ]

OH. JUST A MINUTE.

HI, MARIE. HELLO, MARY.

UH, COME ON IN.

I'VE BEEN KIND OF EXPECTING YOU.

MY. SUCH A NICE HOME.

YES. WASN'T IT?

OH, UH, PLEASE EXCUSE THE MESS.

I HAD THE KIDS IN
HERE AND EVERYTHING.

OH, WHAT A CUTE PUZZLE. COW
JUMPED OVER THE MOON, HUH?

- WHICH ONE OF THE KIDS
IS WORKING ON THIS?
- I AM.

I JUST FINISHED CORNWALLIS'
SURRENDER AT YORKTOWN.

AND THERE WEREN'T ANY
OTHER ONES IN THE HOUSE, SO I...

UH, MARIE...

TOMORROW I'M BUYING
THIS BIG ROUND ONE.

5,000 PIECES, ALL WHITE.

IT'S THE HARDEST ONE THEY MAKE.

MARIE, DON'T DO
THIS TO YOURSELF.

WELL, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO
DO? I DON'T KNOW HOW TO KNIT.

I MEAN, PLEASE DON'T
DRIVE YOURSELF CRAZY...

THINKING THAT MURRAY IS
HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH ANYONE,

ESPECIALLY ME, BECAUSE HE'S NOT.

LOOK, MARY,

YOU MIGHT THINK THAT I AM
JUST A LITTLE NAIVE HOUSEWIFE,

BUT I KNOW WHAT GOES
ON IN THOSE NEWSROOMS.

MARIE, LISTEN, COULDN'T
WE JUST SIT DOWN AND TALK?

MARY, I KNOW THAT YOU
ARE A VERY NICE GIRL,

AND YOU WOULDN'T PURPOSELY
FALL IN LOVE WITH MURRAY.

IT'S JUST THAT YOU
COULDN'T HELP IT.

HE'S A VERY SEXY MAN.

- ISN'T HE?
- UH... YEAH.

WELL, I HAVE KNOWN IT
SINCE OUR FIRST DATE.

WE WENT TO SEE THE KING
AND I WITH YUL BRYNNER,

AND YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN THE LOOKS
WE GOT COMING OUT OF THE MOVIE.

MARIE, THE THING IS, UH,

YOU KNOW, AS
IRRESISTIBLE AS MURRAY IS,

THERE ARE SOME DUMB
WOMEN IN THIS WORLD...

WHO DON'T LOVE YUL
BRYNNER, YOU KNOW,

OR EVEN PAUL NEWMAN.

AND I GUESS I'M JUST
ONE OF THOSE WOMEN.

- YOU DON'T LOVE PAUL NEWMAN?
- UH, NO.

OH. WELL... WELL, THEN, HOW
DO YOU FEEL ABOUT MURRAY?

SAME THING. DUMB, HUH?

WELL, IF IT ISN'T
YOU, THEN WHO IS IT?

- MARIE, IT ISN'T ANYBODY.
- OH, COME ON, MARY.

WHAT'S HE DOING OUT EVERY
NIGHT? AND WHY DID HE LIE TO ME...

AND TELL ME THAT HE WAS
TEACHING NIGHT SCHOOL?

WHO IS HE SEEING?

MARIE, CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET?

ABOUT WHO HE'S SEEING? NO!

I MEAN, MURRAY WOULD KILL
ME IF HE KNEW THAT I TOLD YOU.

SO YOU GOTTA PROMISE ME YES, YOU
WILL NEVER TELL HIM, OR I CAN'T TELL YOU.

AND THAT'S A SHAME, 'CAUSE IT'S A
GREAT SECRET. YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.

I WILL? YES.

WELL, OKAY. I-I PROMISE.

OKAY. MURRAY HAS BEEN
DRIVING A CAB AT NIGHTS...

SO THAT HE CAN BUY YOU A
NEW CAR FOR YOUR ANNIVERSARY.

THAT'S WHY HE COULDN'T TELL YOU.

A BRAND-NEW CAR? YES!

OH! OH!

OH, THAT DEAR, WONDERFUL MAN!

AND I THOUGHT THAT
YOU AND HIM... YES.

OH, HOW COULD I HAVE THOUGHT
THAT YOU... I DON'T KNOW.

OH, MARY. CAN YOU FORGIVE ME?

YES, I CAN. YOU JUST
GOTTA PROMISE...

YOU'LL NEVER TELL MURRAY I TOLD
YOU, OR IT'LL RUIN HIS WHOLE SURPRISE.

OH, RIGHT, RIGHT. I PROMISE.

MARIE, I'M H... MARY.

HI. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

OH, YOU DEAR, WONDERFUL MAN.

A NEW CAR!

SHE FOUND OUT...
BECAUSE I TOLD HER.

I'M SORRY, MURRAY. IT JUST
SEEMED LIKE THE ONLY THING TO DO.

NO, IT'S OKAY, MARY.
NOW, LOOK, HONEY.

I HAD TO QUIT THAT OTHER JOB
BEFORE I GOT ALL THE MONEY I NEEDED.

OH.

SO I'M NOT GONNA GET... A CAR?

NO, NO. YOU'RE GONNA GET A
CAR. YOU'RE JUST NOT GONNA GET...

WHAT I MEAN TO SAY IS, DO YOU REMEMBER
OUR SECOND ANNIVERSARY OF 1963?

AND I WANTED TO BUY YOU
THAT NEW CAR, BUT YOU SAID NO.

YOU DIDN'T THINK WE
COULD AFFORD IT. YES.

WELL, I FINALLY
GOT YOU THAT CAR.

THAT CAR? YEAH, A 1963 CAR.

OH, HONEY!

WELL, I GUESS I'LL,
UH, JUST BE GOING.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT, I CAN,
YOU KNOW, SEE MYSELF OUT.

SO, YOU KNOW, GOOD-BYE.

ON THE LOCAL SCENE, A HOTLY-DEBATED
TIPPERS TAX CAUSED CONSIDERABLE ARGUMENT...

AT CITY COUNCIL TODAY.

THE PROPOSED HEAVY TAX ON LIQUOR IS
CERTAIN TO BECOME A CONTROVERSIAL ISSUE...

DURING THE UPCOMING
ELECTION "CHAMPAGNE."

OH! HERE'S GORDY WITH
A RECAP OF THE WEATHER.

- MURRAY!
- NOT ME, LOU. I QUIT THAT OTHER JOB.

YEAH, HE DID,
MR. GRANT. HE REALLY DID.

LOOK, HERE'S A COPY
OF THE NEWS COPY.

- IT WAS TED'S FAULT?
- UH-HUH.

GOOD.

GOOD.

[ Mews ]