Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 2, Episode 16 - Feeb - full transcript

Mary feels so guilty for getting an incompetent waitress fired that she gets her a job in the newsroom.

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♪ WHO CAN TURN THE
WORLD ON WITH HER SMILE ♪

♪ WHO CAN TAKE A NOTHING DAY ♪

♪ AND SUDDENLY MAKE IT
ALL SEEM WORTHWHILE ♪

♪ WELL, IT'S YOU, GIRL
AND YOU SHOULD KNOW IT ♪

♪ WITH EACH GLANCE AND EVERY
LITTLE MOVEMENT YOU SHOW IT ♪

♪ LOVE IS ALL AROUND
NO NEED TO WASTE IT ♪

♪ YOU CAN HAVE THE TOWN
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE IT ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪♪

GOSH, GUYS, THIS IS JUST SWELL,

BUT, HONEST, I DIDN'T EVEN WANT
MY BIRTHDAY MENTIONED AT ALL.



SO HOW COME YOU CIRCULATED THAT
SHEET OF PAPER WITH ALL YOUR SIZES ON IT?

WELL, I LOST SOME
WEIGHT SINCE CHRISTMAS.

MISS? MISS?

I SEE PEOPLE EATING, SO THERE
MUST BE SOME WAY TO GET FOOD.

AH, WE COULD BANG OUR
SPOONS ON THE TABLE.

MISS, ARE YOU OUR
WAITRESS? UH-HUH.

WELL, I'D LIKE A MAR...
I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.

TINI.

IT'D BE NICE IF SHE
COULD'VE STAYED A MINUTE.

MISS. WE'D LIKE TO ORDER.

OH, SURE. WHAT ARE
YOU GONNA HAVE?

WELL, AS I SAID, I'LL START WITH A
MARTINI. WHAT GOES GOOD WITH MARTINI?

WHAT DO YOU HAVE
THAT'S GOOD TODAY?

- WE'VE HAD A LOT OF COMPLIMENTS
ON THE HUNGARIAN GOULASH.
- OH.



- THAT'S PROBABLY WHY
WE'RE OUT OF IT.
- UM, WHAT DO YOU STILL HAVE?

- SWISS STEAK.
- OKAY, I'LL HAVE
THE SWISS STEAK.

SWISS STEAK, CHECK.

- I GUESS I'LL HAVE
THE SWISS STEAK TOO.
- WE'RE OUT OF IT.

- I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
- WELL, WE ONLY HAD ONE ORDER
LEFT, AND SHE GOT IT.

OH, WELL, LISTEN, TED,
IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.

YOU HAVE THE SWISS STEAK, AND I WILL
HAVE, UH, SALAD. YES, THE VEGETABLE SALAD.

VEG-SAL, CHECK.

YOU? I CAN'T BE RUSHED.
I CAN'T BE RUSHED.

I DECIDED ON A
STEAK. A SIRLOIN STEAK.

WITH BAKED POTATO, SOUR CREAM
AND CHIVES, AND LOTS OF BUTTER.

YEAH, AND GARLIC
TOAST. AND A MARTINI.

UH, LIVERWURST SANDWICH ON RYE.

I DON'T EVEN LIKE LIVERWURST
SANDWICHES. I JUST PANICKED.

UH, EXCUSE ME JUST A MINUTE.

UH, MISS, LISTEN, WE'RE HAVING SORT
OF A BIRTHDAY LUNCH OVER AT OUR TABLE.

AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD
BRING US A PIECE OF CAKE FOR DESSERT?

OH, SURE. WHICH ONE IS IT?

THE GRAY-HAIRED GUY, THE
FAT GUY OR THE BALD GUY? UH...

THE GRAY-HAIRED GUY.

OH, COULD YOU PUT A LITTLE
CANDLE ON IT TOO? A CANDLE?

YEAH. THANK YOU.

HEY. YOU KNOW, WE DON'T EVEN
HAVE ANY WATER AT THIS TABLE?

WE DON'T EVEN HAVE
ANY MARTINI AT THIS TABLE.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TED.

HEY, I'LL... I'LL
BET IT'S A BOOK.

HEY, IT IS A BOOK.

"DICK AND JANE VISIT A FARM."

IF YOU TURN TO THE LAST PAGE,
THE WHOLE BARNYARD POPS UP.

YOU DON'T ALREADY
HAVE IT, DO YOU?

[ Laughs ]

HEY, THAT'S REALLY
FUNNY. [ Laughs ]

WE BETTER GET OUR
FOOD PRETTY SOON SO WE

CAN GET BACK FOR THOSE
SECRETARY INTERVIEWS.

UH, WE HAVE
UNTIL, AH, 2:00. WOW.

I'M GLAD WE'RE TALKING BUSINESS AND THE
SUBJECT OF MY BIRTHDAY HAS BEEN DROPPED.

WHEN WE GET THAT NEW
SECRETARY, IT'LL TAKE

SOME OF THE PRESSURE
OFF YOU, AND YOU CAN...

I GUESS BIRTHDAYS ARE
IMPORTANT TO SOME PEOPLE,

BUT I ALWAYS PREFER THAT
MINE NOT BE MENTIONED.

OKAY, YOURS WAS A VEGGIE SOUP... OH,
NO, I ORDERED THE SALAD. THE "VEG-SAL"?

OH, YOU DID? WELL,
JUST A MINUTE.

ALL RIGHT, AND THERE'S
YOURS. MISS, WHAT'S THIS?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT SURE
DOES SMELL GOOD, DOESN'T IT?

OKAY, THERE'S
YOURS. WHAT'S THAT?

THAT'S THE DIET SPECIAL YOU
ORDERED. MISS, THERE'S BEEN A MISTAKE.

WELL, ANYTHING I GET WILL BE
BETTER THAN LIVERWURST. LIVERWURST.

MY ORDER, SHE HAD TO GET RIGHT.

MISS! I WOULD NEVER ORDER...

A HAMBURGER PATTY
AND COTTAGE CHEESE.

I HATE COTTAGE CHEESE. I DON'T EVEN
LIKE TO GET THIS CLOSE TO COTTAGE CHEESE.

I DON'T EVEN LIKE TO
SAY COTTAGE CHEESE.

WELL, OKAY. IF YOU WANT
ME TO TAKE IT BACK, I WILL.

BUT I'M WARNING YOU. THE CHEF IS ALREADY
IN A SNIT, AND HE'S NOT GONNA LIKE IT.

WELL, I DON'T CARE
IF HE LIKES IT OR NOT...

MR. GRANT, WHY DON'T YOU JUST
EAT THE PEACH AND THE PATTY PART...

AND THEN I'LL GET YOU SOMETHING
ELSE LATER THIS AFTERNOON.

ALL RIGHT. OH, GOOD.

YOU CAN FORGET THE MARTINI. OH,
MARTINI, RIGHT. COMING RIGHT UP.

OH.

MISS? MISS?

[ Groans ] NOW WE CAN'T
EVEN GET THE CHECK.

MAYBE THEY'LL NEVER LET US OUT.

I'M SORRY I MADE THE RESERVATIONS IN THIS
PLACE, BUT SOMEBODY TOLD ME IT WAS GOOD.

I DID, BUT I DIDN'T
HAVE THIS WAITRESS.

WELL, WHO'S FOR COFFEE? YOU'RE
TOO LATE. WE'D LIKE THE CHECK.

OH, SURE. I'VE GOT IT
IN HERE SOMEWHERE.

UH, MISS. MISS. [
Whispering, Indistinct ]

WHAT CAKE? OH, OH, THE
CAKE FOR THE GRAY-HAIRED GUY.

OH, GEE, GUYS. YOU
SHOULDN'T HAVE.

WELL, I'M SORRY. I JUST
ATE THE LAST PIECE.

BUT HOW ABOUT A NICE BEAR CLAW?

UH, NO, NO. FORGET IT. PLEASE.

ALL RIGHT. SORRY, TED.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. IT'S
BEEN A PLEASURE SERVING YOU.

BOY, I WILL NEVER COME
BACK TO THIS PLACE.

THAT'S THE KIND OF WAITRESS
DOESN'T GET A TIP. AND SHE KNOWS IT.

DID YOU SEE HOW FRIENDLY SHE
ACTED WHEN SHE BROUGHT THE CHECK?

WELL, SHE SHOULD TIP US. THE
WORST WAITRESS I'VE EVER HAD.

WELL, HOW WAS
EVERYTHING? OH, JUST FINE.

OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

DO YOU MIND? WE
REALLY NEED THIS TABLE.

OH, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

MARY, YOU SHOULDN'T DO THAT.

I KNOW, MR. GRANT.
BUT I JUST COULDN'T.

IF YOU ENCOURAGE HER BY SAYING
"JUST FINE" AND LEAVING HER A TIP,

SHE'S GONNA DO THIS TO
EVERYONE. OH, HERE'S YOUR MARTINI.

FORGET IT. I'M NOT
PAYING FOR IT. FORGET IT.

YOU ALREADY DID.

I WONDER HOW SHE GOT IT HOT?

IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT, MISS?

WELL, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,

IT WAS THE WORST
SERVICE I HAVE EVER HAD.

AND THAT'S IT.

OH, YES. WE'VE HAD QUITE A
FEW COMPLAINTS ABOUT HER.

PLEASE, ALL OF YOU, COME BACK
AGAIN TOMORROW AS MY GUEST.

I ASSURE YOU THINGS
WILL BE DIFFERENT.

LISTEN, SHE-SHE WASN'T REALLY ALL THAT BAD,
YOU KNOW. I WOULDN'T WANT TO THINK I...

OH, NO, NO, NO. DON'T WORRY.
SHE'LL NEVER KNOW IT WAS YOU.

SO LONG. SEE YOU AGAIN SOMETIME.

YEAH. AGAIN. OKAY,
HERE'S YOUR VEG PLATTER.

MMM. DO YOU KNOW THE SECRET TO
MAKING A REALLY GREAT CESAR SALAD?

HMM? NO. WHAT?

WELL, IF I TOLD YOU, IT WOULDN'T
BE A SECRET ANYMORE, RIGHT?

BUT I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT, MAR. IT
HAS TO DO WITH THE ANCHOVIES.

OH. WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THEM?

I LEAVE THEM OUT.

BOY, YOU'RE A LOT
OF FUN TONIGHT, MAR.

OH, I'M SORRY, RHODA.

IT'S JUST THAT I HAD A
WAITRESS FIRED TODAY. YEAH?

WELL, I DIDN'T TRY TO
HAVE HER FIRED. I... SHE...

WELL, THE SERVICE WAS TERRIBLE AND I
COMPLAINED AND I KNOW THEY FIRED HER.

ONLY YOU COULD DO
THAT, MARY RICHARDS.

I COMPLAINED IN A RESTAURANT
ONCE, AND THEY THREW ME OUT.

I JUST FEEL SO RESPONSIBLE.

I MEAN, SOME POOR GIRL IS
OUT OF WORK BECAUSE OF ME.

- SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO,
TRY AND FIND HER ANOTHER JOB?
- YEAH. IF I COULD, I WOULD.

HEY, MARY, DON'T
WORRY ABOUT IT, KID.

IF THAT WAITRESS IS
BAD ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU

COMPLAIN, THEN IT'S NOTHING
TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT.

YEAH, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

- SURE. SHE'LL FIND HERSELF
ANOTHER JOB SOMEWHERE.
- OF COURSE SHE WILL.

SHE'LL WORK THERE, HAPPILY, UNTIL
SOME FINK LIKE YOU HAS HER FIRED AGAIN.

[ English Accent ] I'M AWFULLY SORRY
I CAN'T GIVE YOU ANY REFERENCES,

BUT, YOU SEE, MY LAST
JOB WAS IN ENGLAND.

OH, I JUST LOVE YOUR
ACCENT, DOREEN.

THANK YOU. I LOVE YOURS TOO.

WHAT... REALLY? I
DIDN'T KNOW I HAD ANY.

OH, YES. IT'S QUITE
HEAVY ACTUALLY.

THANK YOU, MRS. FULTON.
UH, WE'LL BE IN TOUCH.

[ Buzzer ] UH,
EXCUSE ME, DOREEN.

YES, SIR? MARY...

I GUESS I'M WHAT YOU'D
CALL A MALE CHAUVINIST PIG.

- SHE, UH, SHE WASN'T RIGHT.
- I'M GLAD WE'RE COMMUNICATING.

- WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HER?
- WELL, FOR ONE THING,

WHEN SHE WALKED OUT OF
HERE, I DIDN'T WATCH HER.

OH. YOU MEAN, UH,

- SHE-SHE DIDN'T HAVE ANY, UH...
- RIGHT. NO CABOOSE WHATSOEVER.

WELL, IF THAT IS
THE CASE, MR. GRANT,

WHY HAVE I BEEN WASTING MY TIME FOR THE
LAST TWO DAYS SCREENING THEM FOR SKILLS?

I MEAN, WHY DON'T I JUST MARCH
THEM IN HERE IN BATHING SUITS?

[ Chuckles ]

- HOW MANY MORE APPLICANTS
ARE THERE?
- UH, TWO.

UH, THE FIRST IS DOREEN
SKINNER. HER SKILLS ARE EXCELLENT,

AND SHE SEEMS TO
MEASURE UP, CABOOSE-WISE.

GOOD. BACK HER IN HERE.

YOU CAN GO IN, DOREEN.

WHAT KIND OF MAN IS HE, EXACTLY?

UH, THIS ISN'T THE TIME
TO GO INTO THAT, EXACTLY.

HELLO.

[ Door Closes ]

UH, IF YOU'D LIKE TO COME OVER HERE,
I'D BE HAPPY TO GO OVER THAT WITH YOU.

THANK YOU.

- RANDY WILNER.
- YES. HELLO.

HELLO. UH, IT SAYS
THERE I'M A WAITRESS.

BUT I, UH, I QUIT THE JOB
BECAUSE I DIDN'T LIKE IT.

I'M REALLY A SECRETARY.

AND, UH, I ONLY TOOK
THE WAITRESS JOB...

BECAUSE THERE WASN'T ANYTHING
ELSE AVAILABLE AT THE TIME.

HEY, YOU LOOK FAMILIAR.

DID YOU EVER EAT AT
THE WINE BARREL INN?

UH, I... MAYBE, UH,
ONCE. I-I DON'T KNOW.

WHERE DID YOU LAST
WORK AS A, UH, SECRETARY?

OH, GOLLY. I'VE HAD SO MANY JOBS.
I WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE TO START.

JUST HAVEN'T FOUND
YOUR NICHE YET.

I SEE YOU'RE DIVORCED. YES.

ANY DEPENDENTS? OH,
YES. YOU HAVE A CHILD.

YES. TINA. SHE WAS
THREE LAST MONTH.

OH.

AND I SEE YOU DON'T TAKE
SHORTHAND, BUT YOU DO SPEEDWRITING.

YES, THAT'S RIGHT. DID YOU SEE
HOW FAST I FILLED IN THAT FORM?

YEAH. AND YOU TYPE TOO.

YES, BUT NOT FLUIDLY.

WELL, YOU KNOW, SPEED
ISN'T ALL THAT IMPORTANT.

REALLY, IT'S MORE A
MATTER OF, UH, ACCURACY.

BYE-BYE, MR. GRANT. I
HOPE I SEE YOU AGAIN SOON.

UH, EXCUSE ME. SURE.

MARY, I LIKE THAT GIRL.

YOU KNOW, IT'D BE SORT OF BE FUN HAVING
THAT CUTE LITTLE ACCENT AROUND HERE.

WELL, MR. GRANT,
THERE IS ONE OTHER GIRL.

I REALLY THINK YOU OUGHT
TO SEE HER. BUT WHY?

WELL, SHE CAME ALL THIS WAY.
SHE HAS THE NECESSARY SKILLS.

OH?

YEAH, SHE LOOKS CAPABLE TOO.

LOOK, I'M REALLY
TIRED OF ALL THIS.

EITHER THIS ONE OR THAT ONE. IT DOESN'T
MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE TO ME. YOU DECIDE.

OH, BUT, MR. GRANT, NO, I SHOULDN'T
BE THE ONE TO HAVE TO DECIDE.

MARY, I JUST MADE A
DECISION. YOU DECIDE.

WELL, YES, SIR.

UH, DOREEN, WHO YOU DON'T KNOW,

OR RANDY, WHO I
TOLD YOU ALL ABOUT.

SEE, THERE. PICK DOREEN.

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW DOREEN. YEAH,
BUT YOU TOLD ME ALL ABOUT THAT RANDY.

SHE'S A LOSER. OH, I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, I KNOW. IT'S GLORIA
METZKER ALL OVER AGAIN. WHO?

GLORIA METZKER. THIS GIRL I WENT
ALL THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL WITH.

- WHAT A "FEEB."
- A WHAT?

- A LOSER. A FEEB.
- OH.

GLORIA METZKER. I INTRODUCED HER
TO EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY FRIENDS.

NONE OF THEM LIKED HER. THEN
AFTER HIGH SCHOOL, I GOT HER A JOB.

SHE WAS FIRED THE THIRD
DAY. SHE EVEN MARRIED A LOSER.

WAIT. MAYBE SHE'S
NOT SUCH A LOSER.

LISTEN, RHODA, YOU CAN'T
JUDGE THE WHOLE WORLD...

BY ONE FEEB FRIEND OF YOURS.

ANYWAY, RANDY IS NOT A
LOSER. SHE'S-SHE'S A NICE GIRL.

SHE'S... OKAY, YOU KNOW, A LITTLE, UH,
BEWILDERED. MAYBE NEEDS A LITTLE HELP.

- PICK DOREEN.
- LISTEN, RHODA, RANDY HAS
A THREE-YEAR-OLD LITTLE GIRL.

I AM THE REASON THAT CHILD'S
MOTHER IS OUT OF WORK.

DON'T YOU THINK I HAVE AN
OBLIGATION TO FIND HER A JOB?

- YOU ALREADY HIRED HER.
- YES.

FEEB! I KNOW.

OH, GEE. I'M SORRY I'M TAKING SO
LONG. BUT THESE FIGURES ARE MURDER.

OH, WELL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
EVERYBODY HAS TROUBLE WITH FIGURES.

LET'S SEE.

UH, RANDY, THIS... UH, WE'RE
NOT "WKM," WE'RE "WJM." AND...

- RANDY, WILL YOU
PLEASE TAKE A LETTER?
- OH, SURE THING. RIGHT AWAY.

YOU KNOW, SECRETARIAL SCHOOL
ALWAYS TAUGHT ME TO BRING TWO PENCILS...

JUST IN CASE ONE BROKE.

DO YOU HAPPEN TO
HAVE TWO PENCILS?

YEAH, SURE.

HERE YOU GO. OH,
GOOD. THEY'RE SHARP.

YOU KNOW, I'VE HEARD
THAT VOICE BEFORE.

THINK LIVERWURST SANDWICH. WHAT?

OH, I GONNA HAVE TO TYPE
THE WHOLE THING OVER.

YOU LOOKING FOR SOMEONE,
TED? OR SOMETHING?

NO. JUST HANGING
AROUND, THAT'S ALL.

ANYTHING THE MATTER
WITH HANGING AROUND?

NO, TED, I LOVE IT WHEN YOU HANG AROUND. I
JUST HATE IT WHEN YOU HANG AROUND HERE.

AND I'D LIKE IT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
OKAY? RIGHT AWAY, MR. GRAHM.

TED, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
JUST HANGING AROUND, THAT'S ALL.

ANYTHING THE MATTER
WITH HANGING AROUND?

NO, TED. I LOVE IT WHEN YOU HANG AROUND.
JUST HATE IT WHEN YOU DO IT AROUND HERE.

JUST LEAVING, LOU.

HI, THERE. HI.

OH, MARY. WHAT?

I CAN'T MAKE HEAD
OR TAILS OUT OF THIS.

NEITHER CAN I.

WELL, HE RATTLED ME.
MR. GRAHAM TALKS SO FAST.

UH, YOU MEAN MR. GRANT? RIGHT.

[ Sighs ] RANDY, DO YOU HAVE ANY
IDEA WHAT THIS WAS ALL ABOUT?

WELL, IT'S-IT'S, UH, HAS
SOMETHING TO DO ABOUT THE, UH,

"PHILADELPHIA CONVENTION
IN SAN FRANCISCO."

- PHIL... THE AFFILIATES
CONVENTION IN SAN FRANCISCO.
- YEAH, THAT'S IT.

UH, I TELL YOU WHAT. I
DON'T HAVE TO GO TO LUNCH.

WHY DON'T I DICTATE
THE LETTER TO YOU THEN?

OH, THANKS, MARY.

HEY, RANDY, HOW
ABOUT A LITTLE LUNCH?

OH, I'D LOVE TO. [ Giggles ]

WELL, MAYBE WE COULD WORK ON
THAT LETTER AFTER LUNCH, HUH, MARY?

UH, RANDY, NO. I REALLY THINK
THAT WE OUGHT TO GET ON IT...

- AFTER LUNCH, MARY.
- [ Randy ] BYE.

I'M THE ANCHORMAN HERE, YOU
KNOW. OH, THAT SOUNDS GOOD.

SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF FUN.

LUNCH. LIVERWURST. TED. NOW I
KNOW WHERE I KNOW RANDY FROM.

MARY, WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?

NOT MUCH.

I THINK THIS IS THE TAPE
YOU WERE LOOKING FOR,

BUT I'M NOT SURE. THAT'S FILM.

UH, RANDY, LISTEN, I HAVE BEEN LOOKING
FOR THE VALLEY SPRING PROJECT FOLDER.

I'VE LOOKED UNDER "V." I'VE LOOKED
UNDER "S," AND I'VE EVEN LOOKED UNDER "P."

- AND I DON'T SEEM
TO BE ABLE TO FIND IT.
- IT'S RIGHT WHERE IT BELONGS...

UNDER "T"... THE
VALLEY SPRING PROJECT.

UH, NO, RANDY. IT'S "VALLEY
SPRING PROJECT, THE."

I NEVER COULD UNDERSTAND
THAT. I MEAN, IT SEEMS SO SILLY.

UH, WELL, LISTEN,
ARE YOU TELLING ME...

THAT YOU FILED EVERYTHING BEGINNING
WITH THE WORD "THE" UNDER "T"?

WELL... YES.

OH, HERE'S THE LETTER I
TYPED FOR MR. GRAHAM.

"REGRETTING MY
LETTER OF THE 14..."

NO, UH, RANDY, HE MUST HAVE
SAID "REGARDING MY LETTER."

AND WHY ARE YOU STILL DOING
TYPE-OVERS AND CROSS-OUTS?

OH, YOU CAN TELL, HUH? I DIDN'T
THINK YOU'D BE ABLE TO SEE THEM.

UH, LISTEN, UM, RANDY, I THINK
WE'D BETTER HAVE A LITTLE TALK.

RANDY, I MEANT IN THERE. OH.

FEEB.

SIT DOWN, RANDY.

LISTEN, UH, I'M, UH, GONNA
BE HONEST WITH YOU.

YOUR WORK HAS BEEN JUST
TERRIBLE, AND YOU DON'T SEEM TO CARE.

YOU KNOW. I MEAN, UH,

I THINK, IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE FACT
THAT I HAVE BEEN COVERING FOR YOU,

YOU-YOU WOULD HAVE
BEEN FIRED THE FIRST DAY.

ARE YOU JEALOUS BECAUSE I
WENT OUT TO LUNCH WITH TED?

[ Groans ]

RANDY, LOOK, I DIDN'T THINK I
WOULD EVER HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS,

BUT I HIRED YOU BECAUSE I AM THE ONE
WHO GOT YOU FIRED FROM THE RESTAURANT.

AND I FELT JUST
TERRIBLE ABOUT IT.

- OH, SO YOU'RE THE ONE, HUH?
- AREN'T YOU UPSET?

HECK NO. THAT JOB WAS
BEGINNING TO BE A GRIND.

WELL, LISTEN, RANDY,
HERE-HERE'S THE POINT.

THE POINT IS, I DON'T WANT TO
GET YOU FIRED AGAIN, YOU KNOW?

I'LL DO ANYTHING I CAN TO HELP. I'LL
COME IN EARLY, I'LL STAY AT LUNCH HOURS.

I MEAN, I'LL EVEN
WORK LATE IF IT'LL HELP.

OH, GEE, THANKS, MARY. OKAY. SO WHAT
DO YOU SAY WE GET STARTED TONIGHT, HUH?

OH, YOU MEAN YOU WANT ME
TO STAY AND WORK LATE TOO?

OH. THIS EXPLAINS THE RATHER
DESERTED LOOK OUT THERE.

UH, WE WERE JUST
GETTING BACK TO WORK. OH.

RANDY, I NEED SOME MORE MEMO PADS
AND WOULD YOU GET ME A CUP OF COFFEE?

RIGHT. AND WILL THERE BE ANYTHING ELSE
AND WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR COFFEE NOW?

I HAVE THIS FEELING THAT I
KNOW YOU FROM SOMEPLACE.

WELL, THAT'S PROBABLY
BECAUSE I'VE BEEN WORKING HERE.

[ Both Chuckling ]

YEAH, THAT'S PROBABLY IT.

RANDY, I MEANT TO TELL YOU,
YOU'RE DOING JUST GREAT.

THANKS.

HEY, HE THINKS I'M
DOING JUST GREAT.

I MEAN, WHY SHOULD I STAY LATE AND
WORK WITH YOU AND KNOCK MYSELF OUT?

OKAY. OKAY, RANDY. I'M NOT
COVERING FOR YOU ANYMORE. OKAY?

- YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.
- WELL, I NEVER ASKED YOU TO DO
THAT ANYWAY, DID I, MARY?

MAIL, SIR. OH, THANKS. MARY?

I'VE BEEN THINKING. THE
KID'S DOING A GOOD JOB.

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GIVE HER
A LITTLE RAISE, SAY $5.00 A WEEK?

NO, NO, NO. MR. GRANT, LISTEN.

I MADE A TERRIBLE
MISTAKE IN HIRING RANDY.

I MEAN, SHE HAS BEEN
DOING HER JOB JUST ROTTEN.

AND I HAVE BEEN
COVERING FOR HER.

I'VE BEEN DOING
HER JOB AND MY JOB.

AND I THINK THAT A RAISE FOR
HER WOULD BE VERY UNFAIR TO ME.

WHO WOULD HAVE
THOUGHT IT? THOUGHT WHAT?

THAT YOU WOULD BE JEALOUS.

JEALOU... MR. GRANT,
I AM NOT JEALOUS.

I JUST DON'T THINK THAT
SHE DESERVES A RAISE.

OH, DON'T WORRY,
MARY. DON'T WORRY.

IT'S ONLY HUMAN.

AND BESIDES, EVEN AFTER
I DO GIVE HER A RAISE,

YOU'LL STILL BE MAKING A LOT
MORE MONEY THAN SHE DOES.

SO DOES THAT MAKE
YOU FEEL BETTER? NO.

COFFEE. OH, THANK YOU, RANDY.

OH, AND YOU REMEMBERED
I DRINK IT BLACK.

[ Giggling ]

WOULD YOU, UH, PROOFREAD
THIS LETTER I TYPED?

NO. NO, RANDY, I WILL NOT.

NO. HUH-UH.

WELL, IT LOOKS ALL RIGHT TO ME.

[ Typing ]

[ Buzzer ]

"DEAR SIRE"?

THAT'S THE FIRST LETTER
THAT I DIDN'T PROOFREAD.

WELL, MAYBE SHE WAS
HAVING AN OFF DAY.

"YOURS VERY TURLY."

MR. GRANT, THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.

YOU SEE, SINCE I GOT HER
FIRED FROM THE RESTAURANT, I...

THE RESTAURANT? THAT'S
WHERE I KNOW HER FROM.

- YOU DIDN'T TELL HER ABOUT
THE RAISE YET, DID YOU?
- NO.

OH, GOOD. IT'S EMBARRASSING
TO HAVE TO FIRE SOMEONE...

ON THE SAME DAY THAT
YOU GAVE HER A RAISE.

YOU WANT ME TO TELL HER?

YEAH. YOU TELL HER
TO COME IN HERE.

I'M A MUCH BETTER
FIRER THAN YOU ARE.

YOU KNOW, MR. GRANT, MAYBE IF I
WORKED WITH HER A LITTLE LONGER...

SEE? THOSE ARE THE
WORDS OF A BAD FIRER.

RIGHT.

MARY, GET ME FRANK
PETERSON OVER AT KRDA.

I GOTTA TALK TO HIM RIGHT
THIS SECOND. YES, SIR.

ISN'T IT NICE NOT HAVING ANY
HELP? MAKES MY JOB SO MUCH EASIER.

YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. IT'S
LIKE MY JOB WOULD BE IF I LOST TED.

MR. PETERSON'S OFFICE, PLEASE.

HELLO. IS MR. PETERSON
IN? LOU GRANT CALLING.

RANDY, IS THAT YOU?

WELL, I'M SO PLEASED THAT YOU GOT
ANOTHER JOB, AND IN SUCH A HURRY.

OH, YOU KNOW,
LISTEN, DON'T BE SILLY.

WHAT DID IT TAKE TO WRITE A
LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION?

UH, WELL, LISTEN, IS
HE IN FOR MR. GRANT?

OH, WELL, JUST PUT ME ON HOLD.

IT'S-IT'S THE LITTLE RED BUTTON
MARKED "HOLD," YOU KNOW?

JUST PRESS THAT IN. YEAH, BUT
DON'T PRESS THE ONE NEXT TO IT.

OTHERWISE, YOU'LL CUT
ME... [ Phone Disconnects ]

HELLO?

FEEB!

FEEB? WHAT'S THAT?

FEEB. FEEBLE.

A DUM-DUM. INEFFECTUAL.

IT'S A WORD TO FEEB...

THE VERB... "TO FEEB."
OR TO BE "FEEBED UPON."

THE ADJECTIVE FEEB,
OR FEEBISH. THERE'S, UH,

FEEB CITY, FEEB TIME,

HEAD FEEB. YOU
MEAN, LIKE TED BAXTER?

SUPER FEEB.

[ Mews ]