Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 2, Episode 13 - The Square-Shaped Room - full transcript

♪ WHO CAN TURN THE
WORLD ON WITH HER SMILE ♪

♪ WHO CAN TAKE A NOTHING DAY ♪

♪ AND SUDDENLY MAKE IT
ALL SEEM WORTHWHILE ♪

♪ WELL, IT'S YOU, GIRL
AND YOU SHOULD KNOW IT ♪

♪ WITH EACH GLANCE AND EVERY
LITTLE MOVEMENT YOU SHOW IT ♪

♪ LOVE IS ALL AROUND
NO NEED TO WASTE IT ♪

♪ YOU CAN HAVE THE TOWN
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE IT ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA MAKE IT ♪

♪ AFTER ALL ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪♪

[ Sighs ] HOW 'BOUT THAT SNOW?



YEAH, QUITE A STORM,
ISN'T IT? YOU KNOW IT.

WHEN DOES THAT FOOD TRUCK GET
HERE? I DIDN'T HAVE ANY BREAKFAST.

I THOUGHT YOU HAD EDIE BETTER
TRAINED THAN THAT. OH, I DO, I DO.

BUT WE HAD A FIGHT AND SHE
WENT OFF TO THE FAT FARM.

THE WHAT? ONE OF THOSE
PLACES YOU GO TO LOSE WEIGHT.

ONLY SHE GAINS.

SHE SAYS THE
EXERCISE INCREASES HER

APPETITE, BUT I THINK
SHE DOES IT ON PURPOSE.

WOULD IT BE TERRIBLY RUDE IF I
ASKED WHAT YOU'RE STARING AT?

UH, WELL, IT'S NOT
MELTING. WHAT ISN'T?

THE SNOWFLAKE ON THE
END OF YOUR NOSE. LOOK IT.

IT'S STILL THERE.

DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU TWO THAT IF A
SNOWFLAKE ISN'T MELTING IT MIGHT BE PAINT?

WHY WOULD YOU PAINT A SNOWFLAKE
ON THE END OF YOUR NOSE, LOU?



I WAS PAINTING THE BATHROOM
CEILING, AND I GOT IT ALL OVER ME.

MR. GRANT, COME ON
OVER HERE. I'LL GET IT OFF.

WHAT IS THAT STUFF?
NAIL POLISH REMOVER.

WHAT DID YOU AND EDIE FIGHT ABOUT?
DIDN'T YOU WANT TO PAINT THE BATHROOM?

PAINTING THE BATHROOM
WAS A COMPROMISE.

SHE WANTED TO REDECORATE
THE GIRLS' ROOMS.

YOU KNOW, NOW THAT
THEY'RE ALL MARRIED,

MAKE ONE INTO A STUDY,
ONE INTO A SEWING ROOM.

WELL, I CAN UNDERSTAND
WHY SHE'D WANNA DO THAT.

MARY, I LIKE THOSE ROOMS
JUST THE WAY THEY ARE.

AND I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT TOO.

WHAT ABOUT WHEN THE GIRLS COME
HOME TO VISIT? WHERE THEY GONNA SLEEP?

HOW OFTEN DO THEY COME? SO FAR?

SO FAR, THEY HAVEN'T.

BUT THEY MIGHT.
AW, ISN'T THAT SWEET?

MY FATHER'S SENTIMENTAL
LIKE THAT TOO.

WELL, IT'S ALL GONE. ALL CLEAN.

GOOD. I WAS ABOUT TO
PASS OUT FROM THE FUMES.

- GOOD MORNING, ALL.
- [ Murray ] GOOD MORNING, TED.

HEY, THIS PLACE
SMELLS OF SOMETHING.

YES, IT'S SOMETHING... NO, NO, DON'T
TELL ME. I'VE GOT A GREAT SENSE OF SMELL.

IT'S NOT PIZZA.

SO AS LONG AS EDIE MADE SUCH
A BIG DEAL ABOUT REDECORATING,

I FIGURED I'D START BY PAINTING
THE BATHROOM. WHAT ELSE?

- MMM. THAT'S IT SO FAR.
- OH.

IT'S NOT SUNTAN OIL.

SO, WHEN WILL EDIE BE BACK
FROM THIS REDUCING PLACE?

OH, SHE WAS PRETTY MAD. SHE
OUGHT TO BE GONE FOR ABOUT EIGHT,

UH, TEN POUNDS.

WELL, WHATEVER IT
WAS IT'S GONE NOW.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
STRAIGHTENING YOUR DESK.

YOU SORT OF LET IT GO.

IF YOU THINK THIS IS BAD, YOU SHOULD
SEE WHAT'S GOING ON IN MY HOUSE...

SINCE EDIE LEFT.

MAYBE YOU OUGHT TO GET SOMEBODY IN
TO CLEAN IT BEFORE MRS. GRANT GETS BACK.

I'M GONNA DO BETTER THAN THAT. I'M
GONNA REDECORATE THE LIVING ROOM.

YOURSELF?

NO. I GOT THIS FRIEND.

HE WAS A DECORATOR IN THE ARMY.

THE ARMY?

SURE. YOU DON'T THINK THOSE ARMY
BARRACKS JUST HAPPEN, DO YOU?

UH, WHAT IS THIS ARMY
FRIEND OF YOURS DECORATING...

NOW THAT HE'S NOT
IN THE ARMY ANYMORE?

BUS STATIONS.

MR. GRANT, DON'T YOU THINK YOU MIGHT
BE BETTER OFF IF YOU FIND A DECORATOR...

WHO SPECIALIZES IN, YOU
KNOW, HOUSES? [ Chuckles ]

- I COULD TRY TO
HELP YOU FIND ONE.
- WELL, OKAY.

FIND ME A DECORATOR,

BUT MAKE SURE HE'S
SOMEONE WHO'S ECONOMICAL,

INEXPENSIVE AND WHO
DOESN'T COST TOO MUCH.

WELL, I'LL CERTAINLY
TRY TO FIND SOMEONE...

WHO'LL MEET ALL
THOSE QUALIFICATIONS.

UH-HUH. AND WHOEVER IT IS, TELL HIM I
DON'T WANNA SPEND A LOT OF MONEY EITHER.

RIGHT.

WHAT AM I GONNA TELL
MY DECORATOR FRIEND?

HE WAS SO EXCITED.

IT WAS GONNA BE THE FIRST PLACE
HE EVER DID WITHOUT LOCKERS.

[ Knocking ]

MAR? HI.

HERE'S MY TELEPHONE
DIRECTORY. GREAT. THANK YOU.

WHERE'S YOURS? IT'S
UNDER MY REFRIGERATOR.

CAN'T YOU GET IT OUT? YEAH, BUT IF I
DO, THE REFRIGERATOR FALLS OVER.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
MR. GRANT WANTS ME TO HELP HIM FIND...

AN INTERIOR DECORATOR
AND I GOTTA START SOMEPLACE.

IN THE CLASSIFIEDS?

OH, MARY.

NO DECORATOR WHO'S ANY GOOD...

WOULD ADVERTISE
IN THE CLASSIFIEDS.

WELL... USE MY DECORATOR,
MARY... MR. ARNOLD.

"MR. ARNOLD." YEAH, HERE HE IS.

WHERE?

WHEN HE DID ME HE WAS UNLISTED.

IS HE EXPENSIVE? CERTAINLY. HE
WOULDN'T BE ANY GOOD IF HE WEREN'T.

I DON'T THINK HE'D BE
RIGHT FOR MR. GRANT. OH.

YOU KNOW WHAT
ELSE I DON'T THINK?

I DON'T REALLY THINK HE NEEDS
A PROFESSIONAL DECORATOR.

REALLY, ALL HE NEEDS IS A PLEASANT
PERSON WITH GOOD TASTE TO HELP HIM.

OH, I'D LIKE TO, MARY. I
JUST DON'T HAVE THE TIME.

WELL, ACTUALLY, I WAS
THINKING OF RHODA.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID "A PLEASANT
PERSON WITH GOOD TASTE."

COME ON, PHYLLIS. RHODA DOES A GREAT
JOB AT DECORATING THE WINDOWS AT HEMPEL'S.

HAVEN'T YOU SEEN HER CHRISTMAS
WINDOWS? THEY'RE TERRIFIC.

THEN RHODA'S YOUR GIRL... IF
MR. GRANT WANTS TO LIVE IN A MANGER.

HI. OH, HI. I WAS JUST
TALKING ABOUT YOU.

SOMEHOW THAT DOESN'T
COME AS A SHOCK.

MARY, YOU GOT A COUPLE OF
SPARE EGGS? SURE. HELP YOURSELF.

UH, LISTEN. RHODA,
MR. GRANT IS LOOKING...

FOR SOMEONE TO HELP HIM
DECORATE HIS LIVING ROOM,

AND, UH, WELL, WE JUST
THOUGHT OF SOMEBODY.

WHO DO YOU THINK? YEAH,
PHYLLIS WILL DO A GOOD JOB.

WHO, ME? YOU MEAN ME?

SURE. YOU GOT THE BEST
TASTE OF ANYONE I KNOW.

RHODA! DEAR.

I HARDLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

HOW VERY FLATTERING. I HAD NO
IDEA YOU THOUGHT SO HIGHLY OF ME.

I DON'T, PHYLLIS. IT'S
YOUR FURNITURE I LOVE.

WELL, ACTUALLY, RHODA, I WAS
THINKING OF YOU DOING MR. GRANT'S PLACE.

- ME?
- YEAH.

SINCE I DON'T HAVE THE TIME.
I THINK YOU COULD MANAGE IT.

AFTER ALL, YOU AND LOU
GRANT HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE BOTH EARTHY.

HERE, PHYLLIS.

THE TWO EGGS I
BORROWED. NOW WE'RE EVEN.

MARY, I'D RATHER
OWE YOU THAN HER.

LISTEN, ARE YOU SERIOUS
ABOUT THIS DECORATING?

YEAH, SURE, I AM. MIGHT BE FUN FOR
YOU TO KIND OF BRANCH OUT A LITTLE BIT.

AND PLUS, THERE'D BE SOME
EXTRA MONEY IN IT FOR YOU.

OH, BOY, I COULD USE THAT. AFTER
I PAID ALL MY BILLS THIS MONTH,

THERE WAS ONE ITEM I DIDN'T
ACCOUNT FOR... MY RENT.

INTERIOR DECORATOR,
HUH? YEAH, WHY NOT?

WITH MY DISCOUNT DOWN AT THE
STORE, I COULD SAVE HIM A LOT OF MONEY.

WELL, THAT'S GREAT. DO YOU HAVE
ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'D CHARGE HIM?

OH, GOLLY. I GUESS WHEN I'M FINISHED,
I'LL ASK HIM WHAT HE THINKS IT'S WORTH.

I WOULDN'T DO THAT, RHODA.

- YOU OUGHT TO GET A LITTLE
SOMETHING FOR YOUR EFFORT.
- OH!

[ Mary ] YOU'LL DO A GREAT JOB. YEAH?
WHEN WOULD HE WANT ME TO DO IT?

RIGHT AWAY. MRS. GRANT IS OUT OF
TOWN AND HE WANTS TO SURPRISE HER.

MEANS I'D HAVE TO WORK OVER
THE WEEKEND. THANK YOU, MARY.

OH, REALLY, THANKS! NO, DON'T
THANK ME. YOU'RE DOING ME A FAVOR.

I'M GONNA GO UPSTAIRS AND START
LOOKING THROUGH MY DECORATOR MAGAZINES.

FIRST TIME I'VE EVER
HEARD POPULAR MECHANICS

REFERRED TO AS A
DECORATOR MAGAZINE.

DO I OWE YOU SOME EGGS?

UH, YEAH, TWO EGGS.

THANK YOU.

BOY.

THAT'S THE LAST TIME I'LL BE A
GUEST ON THAT SHOW? WHAT SHOW?

MEET MY PET.

TED, YOU DON'T HAVE A PET.

I KNOW. I RENTED ONE.

CRUMMY CAT. SHED ALL OVER ME.

SHOULD HAVE GONE FOR A COUPLE OF
BUCKS MORE AND RENTED A DOG OR SOMETHING.

GOOD MORNING. NO.

ANY DAY THAT STARTS OFF WITH A LEFTOVER TV
DINNER FOR BREAKFAST ISN'T A GOOD MORNING.

- BLESS YOU.
- GREAT!

NOW I'M ALLERGIC TO HIM TOO.

OH, MR. GRANT, I ALMOST FORGOT.
I'VE GOT GOOD NEWS FOR YOU.

I THINK I FOUND A
DECORATOR FOR YOU.

YOU KNOW MY FRIEND
RHODA MORGENSTERN?

SHE A PROFESSIONAL DECORATOR?
UH, WELL, YEAH, SORT OF.

SHE'S IN CHARGE OF THE WHOLE WINDOW
DECORATING DEPARTMENT AT HEMPEL'S.

MARY, YOU MIGHT
NOT HAVE NOTICED,

BUT I DON'T LIVE IN A WINDOW.

MR. GRANT, SHE'S DONE
ROOMS TOO... MODEL ROOMS.

- YEAH?
- YEAH. SHE'S REALLY
VERY TALENTED.

- SHE'S GOT GREAT TASTE.
- OH.

SHE'S AWFULLY GOOD, MR. GRANT.
I THINK YOU'D REALLY BE PLEASED...

WITH HER... WORK,

BUT I'M NOT GONNA
STAND HERE AND...

TRY TO TALK YOU INTO IT.

SHE GETS A BIG DISCOUNT
ON FURNITURE AT THE STORE.

PROBABLY ONLY HAVE TO PAY HER
WHAT YOU THOUGHT THE JOB WAS WORTH.

- OKAY.
- GOOD.

- SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
- OH, IT'S, UH, A VERY
NICE ROOM. ISN'T IT, RHODA?

[ Clanging ] YES, VERY HOMEY.

IS THAT DECORATOR
TALK FOR "A MESS?"

YOU CAN'T BOMB TOO BAD
WHEN YOU START WITH THIS.

HUH? IT'S A TERRIFIC FLOOR PLAN.

OH. YEAH, IT'S VERY, UH, WARM...

AND LIVED-IN LOOKING.

THIS ROOM HAS BEEN LIVED IN. LOTS OF
LIVING HAS GONE ON IN THIS LIVING ROOM.

BUT NOW IT'S TIME FOR
A CHANGE, RIGHT? RIGHT.

SO, LOU, WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW. ISN'T THAT
WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TELL ME?

WELL, RHODA'S GOT LOTS
OF IDEAS, HAVEN'T YOU?

SURE, YEAH, LOTS OF IDEAS.

I'M JUST TRYING TO PICTURE
WHAT THE ROOM SHOULD BE...

EARLY AMERICAN,
CONTEMPORARY, SPANISH.

YEAH, THAT SOUNDS GOOD.

WHICH ONE? OH. IS
THAT MORE THAN ONE?

YEAH. I DON'T KNOW.
YOU'RE THE DECORATOR.

UH, WELL, MR. GRANT, AS LONG AS
YOU'RE DOING THIS FOR MRS. GRANT,

DOES SHE HAVE ANY PREFERENCES
THAT YOU CAN THINK OF?

WELL, SHE'S ALWAYS LOOKING THROUGH
MAGAZINES POINTING OUT THINGS.

LET'S SEE. OH, YEAH.

LIGHT AND AIRY. THAT'S WHAT THE
CAPTIONS ON THE PICTURES ALWAYS SAY.

"LIGHT AND AIRY." MM-HMM. AND
INEXPENSIVE. THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS SAY.

RIGHT. RIGHT. BUT NOT CHEAP.

WELL, UM, HOW DOES A, UH...

A MORE UNCLUTTERED LOOK SOUND?

- MM-HMM.
- MM-HMM.

YEAH. WHAT ABOUT COLORS?

YEAH, COLORS WOULD BE NICE.

I MEAN, WHAT COLORS
DO YOU LIKE? OH.

I DON'T KNOW. UH, GRAY.

MUTED COLORS.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ANTIQUES?
NO, NO, EDIE DOESN'T LIKE ANTIQUES.

THAT'S WHY WE'RE GETTING
RID OF ALL THESE THINGS, ISN'T IT?

- NO ANTIQUES.
- NO. I WANT ALL
NEW THINGS, EXCEPT...

- EXCEPT WHAT?
- THAT CHAIR.

EXCEPT THIS CHAIR? YEAH.

I USED TO SIT IN IT AND WAIT FOR MY
DAUGHTERS TO COME HOME FROM THEIR DATES.

THE HOURS I SPENT. OH, BOY.

HEY, SEE THESE MARKS
ON THE ARM HERE?

THE... THESE GOUGES? YEAH.

THOSE ARE FROM MY FINGERNAILS...

WHEN THE GIRLS STAYED
OUT AFTER MIDNIGHT.

I USED TO SIT IN
THIS CHAIR LIKE THIS...

STARING AT THAT DOORKNOB
WAITING FOR IT TO TURN.

[ Chuckles ] THE CHAIR STAYS.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE
THAT YOU WANNA KEEP?

HMM. MAYBE THE DOORKNOB.

OH.

ANYBODY WANT A
BEER? I DON'T THINK SO.

YEAH, I COULD USE ONE.

HEY, I THINK YOU'RE GONNA
BE A GOOD DECORATOR. GOOD.

DID YOU GET ANYTHING
OUT OF ALL THAT?

OH, SURE. I'LL REFER
TO THIS CONSTANTLY.

WHAT HE WANTS IS A ROOM THAT'S
EARLY AMERICAN CONTEMPORARY SPANISH,

LIGHT AND AIRY,
INEXPENSIVE BUT NOT CHEAP.

FOR COLORS, HE LIKES MUTED,
BUT MOST PREFERABLY GRAY.

NO ANTIQUES. ALL NEW,

EXCEPT FOR THIS TACKY OLD GREEN
CHAIR AND A BEAT-UP DOORKNOB.

WELL, YOU... YOU WANT
A CHALLENGE, DON'T YOU?

SURE, MARY, I WANT A CHALLENGE.

I JUST GET THE FEELING
THAT THIS ROOM MIGHT WIN.

[ Knocking ] WHO IS IT?

[ Muffled ] RHODA!

I'M SO SORRY TO BOTHER YOU AGAIN,
BUT I REALLY... I'M IN TROUBLE HERE.

I NEED SOME ADVICE.
WHAT IS ALL THIS STUFF?

THESE ARE A BUNCH OF SAMPLES.

AND THOSE ARE BACK ISSUES
OF HOUSE AND HOME MAGAZINE.

I FIGURED I'D USE SOME OF THOSE
ROOMS AS A GUIDE. OH, YEAH, GREAT.

MARY, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THE CORRECT

PSYCHOLOGICAL TERM IS
FOR WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH,

BUT I THINK IT WOULD
BE CALLED "SCARED."

I GOT RID OF ALL OF LOU'S FURNITURE,
AND BOY, IS THAT ROOM EMPTY.

- HEY, YOU SOLD IT ALL. GREAT.
- AND IT WASN'T EASY.

I CALLED EVERY SECONDHAND
FURNITURE STORE IN THAT BOOK.

FINALLY I GOT THIS GUY BARNEY
TO BUY IT. GAVE ME $175 FOR IT.

WELL, THAT'S...
THAT'S NOT TOO BAD.

THEN HE CHARGED ME
$100 TO TAKE IT AWAY.

LISTEN. WHAT DO
YOU THINK OF BLUE?

OH, WELL, BLUE IS, UH, YEAH?

CERTAINLY ONE OF
YOUR POPULAR COLORS.

I'LL ASK MR. GRANT TOMORROW AT
THE OFFICE WHAT HE THINKS. GOOD.

DO THAT, WILL YOU? AND WHILE YOU'RE
AT IT, ASK HIM WHAT HE THINKS OF BROWN.

AND BEIGE. WAIT.
EVERYBODY LIKES BEIGE.

WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE ABOUT BEIGE? I GUESS
THAT'S THE REASON WHY EVERYBODY LIKES...

IT'S TOO BLAH, HUH?

RHODA, WILL YOU STOP?
YOU'RE MAKING YOURSELF CRAZY.

I KNOW, I KNOW. BUT
THIS COULD BE BIG FOR ME.

IF I DO GOOD AT LOU'S, IT
COULD BE A WHOLE NEW CAREER.

NOT JUST A JOB, YOU KNOW.

WELL, RHODA, I WOULDN'T GET
TOO CARRIED AWAY IF I WERE YOU.

DON'T QUIT DOWN AT
HEMPEL'S OR ANYTHING.

SO NOW YOU THINK I
CAN'T DO IT, RIGHT? NO!

[ Knocking ] OF COURSE
I THINK YOU CAN DO IT.

I JUST THINK YOU OUGHT TO TAKE
THIS THING ONE STEP AT A TIME.

TAKE WHAT ONE STEP
AT A TIME? OH, HI, PHYLLIS.

WELL, RHODA, WAS JUST
SHOWING ME SOME IDEAS...

THAT SHE HAS FOR
MR. GRANT'S PLACE.

OH! OH, LET ME SEE!

OH, PLEASE? WELL, UH, UH...

IT'LL BE FUN. OKAY.

ISN'T THIS FUN?

WELL, I'VE, UH... I'VE
CHOSEN THIS LAMP.

OH. WHAT DO YOU
THINK OF IT, MAR?

- OH, WELL... - NO GOOD, HUH?

WELL, THEN THERE'S THIS ONE.

- HUH? WELL, THIS IS GOOD TOO.
- UH-HUH.

THEN I THOUGHT, "NO,
RHODA." THIS IS BETTER.

NOW THIS ONE I THINK
IS MAYBE THE BEST.

WHAT? WHAT? NOTHING! NOTHING!

IT'S JUST AN
INVOLUNTARY SHUDDER.

A SHUDDER, HUH?

OKAY, THAT'S IT.
RHODA, NO, COME ON.

LOOK, WE WANNA HELP. DON'T
WE, PHYLLIS? CERTAINLY, WE DO.

LOOK, GIRLS, I'M SORRY. IT'S
BEST THAT I DO THIS ON MY OWN.

IF THE TWO OF YOU HELP ME AND IT TURNS
OUT TERRIFIC, I WON'T KNOW WHO'S GOOD.

- YOU OR ME?
- OH, RHODA...

NO, MARY, IT'S TRUE. LISTEN.
IT'S BEST THAT I DO THIS MYSELF.

THEN IF I BOMB OUT...
WHICH I PROBABLY WILL...

AT LEAST I'LL HAVE THE
SATISFACTION OF KNOWING...

THAT I BOMBED OUT ON MY OWN.

YEAH.

WELL, I THINK WE
HELPED HER, DON'T YOU?

HMM. WHAT ARE YOU READING
THERE, TED? CLASSIC COMIC?

OF COURSE NOT. IT HAPPENS TO BE A BROCHURE
FROM THE FAMOUS ANNOUNCERS SCHOOL.

I'M THINKING OF LENDING MY
NAME TO THEIR TEACHING STAFF.

DON'T STOP THERE, TED. WHY DON'T
YOU DONATE YOUR WHOLE BODY?

OH, COME ON, RHODA.
THANKS FOR WHAT?

DON'T BE SILLY. BYE-BYE.

SHE IS SO EXCITED ABOUT
THIS DECORATING THING.

SHE CALLS TO THANK ME EVERY TIME
SHE PICKS A NEW PIECE OF FURNITURE.

DOING GREAT THINGS
FOR HER CONFIDENCE.

WHAT'S IT DOING FOR
LOU'S LIVING ROOM?

WE DON'T KNOW. SHE
ISN'T SHOWING ANYONE YET.

OH, LOU. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF
THE FAMOUS ANNOUNCERS SCHOOL?

TERRIFIC, TED.
WHEN DO YOU START?

OH, MR. GRANT, I ALMOST FORGOT.

RHODA CALLED TO SAY THAT YOUR
FURNITURE WILL BE IN BY 7:00 TONIGHT.

WONDERFUL. YOU WERE RIGHT
ABOUT RHODA. SHE'S GOOD.

- I'M SO GLAD.
- WHAT'S IT LOOK LIKE SO FAR?

WELL, ALL THERE IS SO FAR IS A PRIMER
COAT OF WHITE PAINT ON THE WALLS.

THEN HOW DO YOU KNOW SHE'S GOOD?
BY THE WAY SHE HOLLERS AT THE PAINTER.

SHE REALLY KNOWS WHAT SHE'S DOING.
SHE ORDERED THIS GREAT ASHTRAY.

THIS BIG, ROUND GLASS ASHTRAY.

CAME THIS MORNING. SHE'S GREAT.

WELL, CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT.

I GUESS SHE'LL BE GETTING HOME
PRETTY LATE FROM YOUR HOUSE TONIGHT.

I WONDER IF SHE WANTS ME TO
STOP OVER THERE AND PICK HER UP.

HUH? IS THAT A HINT THAT YOU
WANNA SEE WHAT SHE'S DONE?

YEAH.

HMM. THEN WHY DON'T YOU GIVE
ME A LIFT HOME AND YOU CAN SEE IT?

COULD I? GOOD. I FEEL IT'S ONLY RIGHT
SINCE YOU ARRANGED EVERYTHING...

THAT YOU BE THERE AT THE UNVEILING TO
SHARE MY HAPPINESS IF IT TURNS OUT GREAT.

OH. AND TAKE THE
BLAME IF IT STINKS.

[ Mary ] RHODA? [ Rhoda ]
DON'T TURN ON THE LIGHTS.

[ Lou ] WHY? I WANT YOU TO
SEE THE PLACE IN ONE BURST.

ONE BURST?

OH.

- I LOVE IT!
- WHAT? WHAT?

I LOVE IT.

I LOVE IT.

I REALLY LOVE THIS ROOM.

OH, MR. GRANT, I AM SO GLAD.

BE HONEST WITH ME.
DO YOU REALLY LOVE IT?

MARY, WOULD I SAY I
LOVE IT IF I DIDN'T LOVE IT?

- NO. HE MUST REALLY LOVE IT.
- I DO!

I REALLY DO. YOU REALLY DO?

REALLY?

I REALLY LOVE IT!

I LOVE IT.

I LOVE IT SO MUCH I WANT
YOU TO GO UPSTAIRS.

- HUH?
- TO THE MASTER BEDROOM TO SEE
WHAT YOU CAN COME UP WITH.

OH, WOW. REALLY? I'M GONNA GO.

GO. I'M GONNA RUN UP RIGHT NOW.

LOU... I LOVE IT!

I BELIEVE YOU!

I HATE IT.

WHAT?

ARE YOU... KIDDING ME?

I REALLY HATE IT.

WOULD I SAY I HATE
IT IF I DIDN'T HATE IT?

I REALLY HATE IT.

WELL, UH, WHY ARE YOU SMILING?

I'M NOT SMILING. I'M SQUINTING.

THE GLARE FROM ALL THIS
WHITE STUFF IS BLINDING ME.

WHAT IS ALL THIS?
PLEASE, TELL ME.

WELL, UH, MR. GRANT,
ALL WHITE IS,

UH, A VERY CLEAN LOOK.

I'LL SAY IT'S CLEAN. I FEEL I HAVE
TO SCRUB UP TO SIT ON THAT COUCH.

MARY, THIS IS SUPPOSED
TO BE A LIVING ROOM.

A LIVING ROOM.

I CAN'T LIVE HERE.

LOOK AT ME. I'M WALKING
AROUND THE RUGS!

WELL, MAYBE IT JUST TAKES
A LITTLE GETTING USED TO.

OH, I'M USED TO IT ALREADY.

IT'S NOT YOU, IS IT?
IT'S NOT ANYBODY!

LOOK AT THAT! LOOK AT THAT.

I'LL BET SHE WENT THROUGH FOUR OTHER
PAINTINGS BEFORE SHE CHOSE THAT ONE.

WHAT IS THAT, THE PRICE?

IF IT ISN'T, IT SHOULD BE.

MARY, WE HAVE A PROBLEM HERE.

I'M, UH, GONNA HAVE
TO TELL HER, HUH?

WELL, I DID GET YOU INTO THIS,

SO I GUESS IN A SMALL SENSE...

IN A LARGE SENSE IT IS MY FAULT.

[ Rhoda ] LOU? HEY, LOU?

LISTEN TO THIS. HUH?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF A FUR BEDSPREAD, THEN
ONE WHOLE WALL OF MIRRORS TO GIVE IT...

WHAT'S THE MATTER?
OH, UH, NOTHING.

HE DOESN'T LOVE IT
ANYMORE. WELL, UH, NO.

RHODA, IT'S JUST THAT AFTER HAVING
LIVED WITH IT FOR A WHILE NOW...

TWO MINUTES. WELL...

THE THING IS HE IS AFRAID...

THAT MAYBE MRS.
GRANT WON'T LOVE IT...

AS MUCH AS HE LOVES IT.

YEAH. I, UH,

JUST SPOKE TO MRS.
GRANT ON THE PHONE.

AND SHE DIDN'T CARE
FOR IT TOO MUCH.

I... I TRIED TO
TALK HER INTO IT,

BUT YOU KNOW HOW SHE IS.

A LOT LIKE YOU, HUH?

YEAH.

WELL, FORTUNATELY,
IT'S NOT PAID FOR YET. OH.

SO, UH, WHAT WOULD
YOU LIKE TO KEEP?

WELL, I LIKE, UH,
THE GREEN CHAIR.

AND I ALSO LIKE, UH...

I, UH... I LIKE, UM,
THAT ASHTRAY.

YEAH. I LOVE THIS
BIG GLASS ASHTRAY.

HE DOES. HE TOLD US ABOUT
THIS ASHTRAY AT THE OFFICE.

- IT'S NOT AN ASHTRAY.
- WHAT?

THE LEGS FOR IT DIDN'T COME
YET. IT'S A GLASS OCCASIONAL TABLE.

IT'S WHAT IT IS.

[ Moans ]

WELL, JUST THE GREEN CHAIR THEN.

RIGHT. RIGHT.

LISTEN, LOU, I'LL HAVE ALL THIS STUFF
PICKED UP FIRST THING TOMORROW.

RIGHT NOW I BETTER GET OVER TO BARNEY'S
AND TRY AND BUY BACK YOUR FURNITURE.

- I HOPE HE HASN'T SOLD IT ALL.
- SOLD IT? LET'S HOPE
HE HASN'T BURNED IT.

SHE'S... SHE'S JUST
KIDDING, MR. GRANT.

[ Sighs ] GREAT KIDDER.

HEY, IT REALLY IS
A BEAUTIFUL ROOM.

YEAH, I KNOW. I DO.

THERE'S ONLY ONE THING THAT DOESN'T
BELONG IN HERE. THE GREEN CHAIR.

NO, THE MAN IN THE GREEN CHAIR.

KIDDING AGAIN. ANOTHER KIDDING.

[ Muttering ]

BYE.

PSST, MURRAY.

- IS MR. GRANT IN YET?
- NO.

GOOD.

HEY, RHODA. HIYA, MURRAY.

MURRAY, WILL YOU PLEASE TELL HER HOW MUCH
I LOVED THE ROOM SHE DID FOR MR. GRANT?

MARY SAID IT WAS SOMETHING
OUT OF HOUSE AND HOME.

IT WAS, AUGUST
1969, PAGE 83. [ Moans ]

GOOD MORNING. OH,
UH, GOOD MORNING.

HEY, RHODA! I WANNA THANK YOU.

MY WIFE LOVES WHAT
YOU DID TO THE PLACE.

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. NO, NO.

IT'S THE WALLS... THE WHITE
WALLS. THAT MADE THE DIFFERENCE.

SHE SAYS IT MAKES THE WHOLE
PLACE LIGHTER AND BRIGHTER.

SHE LOVES IT. SHE
LOVES IT? REALLY?

MARY, TELL HER. WOULD I SAY
SHE LOVES IT IF SHE DIDN'T LOVE IT?

UH, NO, SHE MUST REALLY LOVE IT.

OH, THAT'S GOOD.
THAT'S REALLY GOOD.

OH, THEN THERE'S THE, UH...

THE LITTLE MATTER OF YOUR FEE.

OH, LOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THIS IS REALLY
GONNA... [ Coins Clanging ]

CHINKA, CHINKA, CHINKA?

WELL, SOME OF IT'S IN CHANGE.

OH, GOOD. I WAS AFRAID
MAYBE ALL OF IT WAS IN CHANGE.

OH.

[ Mews ]