Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 1, Episode 22 - A Friend in Deed - full transcript

Mary doesn't initially recognize her, but Twinks McFarland, WJM's new receptionist, is someone who Mary went to summer camp with twenty years ago. Twinks is a warm and friendly person, overly so. Twinks wants to be everyone's best friend, which begins to annoy everyone, especially friend phobic Lou, but she wants to be Mary's best friend more so than anyone. Mary, who was initially happy to get reacquainted with Twinks, now wants to shut her out of her life. But on what may be the most important day in her life, Twinks guilts not only Mary but all of Mary's friends into being her friends. When things change in Twinks' life, Mary has to decide if she will act out of character and truly express what she feels about being Twinks' friend.

♪ How will you make it
on your own ♪

♪ This world is awfully big ♪

♪ And, girl
this time you're all alone ♪

♪ But it's time
you started living ♪

♪ It's time you let someone else
do some giving ♪

♪ Love is all around ♪

♪ No need to waste it ♪

♪ You can have the town
Why don't you take it ♪

♪ You might just make it ♪

♪ After all ♪

♪ You might just make it
after all ♪♪

Say, did you meet the new receptionist?
She's such a warm girl.

I'll say she's warm.
I introduced myself, and she hugged me.

The entire time we talked,
she kept touching me,

as though she couldn't
believe I was real.

We all have that problem
with you, Ted.

I just got hugged out there!

- It's happening to a lot of people.
- Hi!

- Did she get you too, Mary?
- Did who get me?

They got a new receptionist downstairs.
Didn't you see her on the way up?

No. There was a crowd in the lobby area,
though, around the reception desk.

- What's she like?
- Mary Richards!

She's very friendly.

- Hi there.
- Hi!

Don't you know me?

Well, yes, of course I know you.
You're the new receptionist.

Think back, Mar.

Didn't you go to camp
when you were a little kid?

Yes. Yes, I did. I went
to Camp Sunshine for five years.

- And that's where I know you from!
- No.


Camp Owmwuk. Didn't you
go to Camp Owmwuk in 1950?

I did! I went to Camp Owmwuk one year.
That's where I know you...

- No, no.
- That's it! Yes!

Camp Owmwuk.
It's me... Twinks.


- Well, well!
- Well.

You haven't changed a bit.
How are you?

Oh, I'm just fine, Mar.

- Oh, well.
- How are you?

Just fine! Twinks and I
were friends in camp.

Not since we were 12.

That makes them 30, Ted.


After 18 years,
uh, what do you say?

What's new?

Well, they moved the camp to the other
side of the lake after it burned down.

- Oh.
- And my father retired.

And, um, I got a new car,
and I'm getting married.

Hey, that's terrific!
No kidding!

Well, yeah, the old car
needed four new tires, so...

I meant getting married.

Oh, yeah. Well, that's why
I moved to Minneapolis...

to be closer to my fiance.

Oh, Mar, isn't it somethin'?

- Us working at the same place.
- It really is!

Oh, Mar, tell me
what's new with you.

Well, I moved here, what...

- Mary, don't you have some work to do?
- Yes. Yes, sir. Sorry.

- I really have to get to work.
- Yeah, me too.

- How 'bout dinner tonight?
- Fine.

Oh, I have so much to tell you
about the kids at camp.

You, uh, still keep up
with some of'em, do you?

All of'em.

I still put out
the camp alumni bulletin.

Mary, haven't you
been getting yours?

Uh, well, no,
not for some time now.

Oh, well, I'll get you
all the back copies.

- Okay.
- I'll see you later, Mar.

- Right.
- Murray.


She was always such a warm,
friendly person.

She always used to make up
people's bunks for them at camp.

I don't trust warm
and friendly people.

Now, if you're through
with old home week,

- shall we get on with the mail?
- Yes.

Sorry about
all the hysteria out there,

but it is fun catching up
with old friends.

- Yeah, I did that a couple of weeks ago.
- Oh, who'd you see?

The Second Marine Division.
My old outfit.

- We had a reunion.
- It must have been fun.

Fun? They booked
this big room in a hotel.

The first thing they did
was pin this tag on my coat...

that said, " Sergeant Grant.
Remember me?"

- So, what's wrong with that?
- What's wrong with that?

There I was, surrounded by
300 drunken ex-privates,

and suddenly I didn't
have rank on them anymore.

It's amazing how they remembered
all the little slights...

that I committed in boot camp
20 years ago.

Hey, 'bout 20 years ago,
you and I were both in camp.

I'm sorry.

Of course, some of the reunions
I've been to haven't been so bad.

Right there in that same hotel,
I went to a Notre Dame reunion.

- It was terrific.
- I didn't know you went to Notre Dame.

I didn't, but those guys
really know how to throw a bash.

Word to the wise, Mary...

The best kind of reunion...

is one where you
don't know anybody.

- I'll, uh, keep that in mind.
- Yeah.

- Remember cute, little Archie, Mary?
- Uh-huh.

I'm so glad I brought
the camp scrapbook.

It's nice to point out the people
as I tell you about them.

Gee, Twinks, all we've talked
about all night long is camp.

I'd love to hear about your life now,
you know, or even college.

Anything as recent
as high school, even.

Okay, sure.
I understand, Mar.

Hey, look what you wrote here.

"2 good 2 be...


You wrote it with the numbers.

Wasn't that clever of me?

- Oh, you always were such a kick.
- [Knocking]

- Excuse me.
- Mary, you haven't changed a bit.

Your apartment is still as neat
as your tent used to be.

Thank you.

Hi, kid. I got the brochures
from the travel agency.

They have this trip
to Hawaii that looks...

- Hi.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't know you had company.

Oh, I'm not company.
I'm Twinks.


Rhoda Morgenstern,
Twinks McFarland.

- Twinks.
- We know each other from Owmwuk.


You know, Camp Owmwuk.

Twinks just got a job at the station.
She's the new receptionist.

Ah, at last a word I know.

You two must have a great deal to talk
over, so I'll come back tomorrow.

No, don't go!

I mean... stay.


Yes, stay. I'd love to
look at your brochures.

Rhoda and I are just trying to figure
out where we might spend our vacation.

Hawaii! Oh, how fun.

When? Maybe I can get
some time off and go too.

Well, actually, um, Twinks, we're not
sure that I can even get the time off.

You know how busy
things are at the station.

Yes. Well, then maybe
Rhoda and I can go alone.

Rhoda, would you believe...

that it's been, uh, oh, 18 years
since Twinks and I saw each other?


- You're not from here, are you, Rhoda?
- What do you mean?


I can just tell
by the way you talk.

You're right.
I'm from England.


Don't you just love Minneapolis?

I just love everyone
I've met here!

Listen, uh, I gotta go.

Nice meetin' you... Twinks.

- I'll see you tomorrow.
- Oh, I gotta run too.

I'm running late, as usual.
My fiance will kill me.

He says since I've been here, I've spent
so much time with all my new friends...

that I hardly see him at all.

- I'll get your coat.
- I'll help you.

Oh, Mary, it was
so much fun tonight.

How 'bout lunch tomorrow?

Uh, well, tomorrow I, uh,
I know that I'm doing something.

I just, uh,
can't think what it is.

- Has that ever happened to you, Rhoda?
- No, never.

Well, that's okay.
I'll pencil you in for Thursday then.

Then we can make plans
for the weekend later.

- Oh, Rhoda.
- l-I'm on a big diet.

I don't eat all week.
And I fast on weekends.

Oh, that's all right.

We can find something nonfattening
to do, like window shopping.

I know we'll have lots in common.

- Bye, Mar.
- Bye, Twinks.

- Bye, Rhoda.
- Bye.

- Twinks, huh?
- [Groans]

- Uh-huh!
- What?

I just figured out what Twinks
must be short for..."Tiddledywinks."

What a night.
You just can't imagine.

- I had to be there, huh?
- And unfortunately, I was.

Well, you met her, and you know
what old camp stories are like.

- How would I know about camp?
- You must have gone to camp.

No. Actually,
I did go one summer...

to a day camp in the Bronx.

Camp Adelman.

- Camp Adelman?
- Yeah.

I was 12 years old before I knew
Adelman wasn't an Indian name.

It was from 1:00 to 3:00
in the afternoon.

You got there and you made some
ceramic monstrosity in arts and crafts.

Then you drank warm orange drink
from a carton.

Then you went home.

You don't know what a deprived childhood
is until you've sung campfire songs...

on the subway.

"2 good 2 be 4..."

I was 12 years old.

I guess we talked about camp
enough for one night.

That's all right.

We didn't just talk about camp.
You think that's all we talked about?

- We talked about other things.
- Yeah?

- We talked about her fiance.
- Oh, what's he do?

- He's a counselor.
- Marriage?


I'd tell you to stop
reading over my shoulder,

but you need all the practice
you can get.

- Hi.
- You're late, Mar.

I know. I had to walk up
ten flights of stairs.

- Is the elevator out of order?
- No, but it stops...

at the reception area,
if you know what I mean.

Twinks is getting
to you too, huh?

There are some people who don't see each
other for years, and it doesn't matter.

They can just pick right up where
they left off and be great friends.

- Yeah.
- Twinks isn't one of them.

Last week we finally ran out
of camp talk. Yes, finally.

And we had nothing left
to say to each other.

Maybe she'll get tired of this place
and look for a new job.

Yeah, and I know the perfect one
for her... greeting planes in Hawaii.

That friend of yours... I'm gonna
give her about one more chance.

About what?

To stop hugging me.

Rudeness doesn't work.
Nastiness doesn't work.

She just keeps right on coming.
She refuses to take a hint.

- Tell her to leave you alone.
- That was my hint!

Mary, why do you keep
doing this to me?

Oh, this thing is just
getting bigger and bigger.

I'm gonna have to ease out of
the friendship thing with her.

How are you gonna do that?

I'll just go out there and tell her
that I'm gonna be very busy...

for the next few weeks,

that I will call her
when I'm free.

It's as simple as that.
Maybe I'll do it by phone.

Can't face her, huh, Mar?

Murr, I'd like to test this item on our
show tonight. See what you think of it.

Uh, Twinks? Hi. Mary.

Listen, uh, Twinks, I...

Oh, really? How wonderful.

Well, sure, I'd love to.

The, uh, the 12th.
Yes, I'll make a note of it.

The 12th. Right.

Bye, Twinks.

- Come on.
- Hmm?

You said the 12th.
What's the 12th?

The 12th is a date
in the calendar.

Well, even Ted knows that.

Come on.
What's happening on the 12th?

Twinks is getting married
on the 12th.

I don't understand.
What's wrong?

That's good news.

My wife says married girls don't like
to go around with single girls.

You should be thrilled!

There's still the matter
of the wedding.

But it's only a wedding.
That's not such a big deal.

Yes, it is a big deal when you're
going to be the maid of honor!

Anyway, her best friend
from California...

can't come out to be in the wedding,
so what could I say?

- I didn't have the heart to say no.
- You mean the nerve.

Don't you know what standing up
for a wedding means?

It's not just walking
down the aisle.

I know. I stood up for 11
weddings in college.

As maid of honor, you have to
go running here and there,

choosing things, arranging this...
well, you know.

Right. Well, when you're younger,
it doesn't matter.

You get all caught up
in the hysteria of the wedding.

But now it's different.
I just don't want to do it.

I don't blame you.

Listen, when you're single
in college, it doesn't matter.

You don't care
if another girl gets married.

Now I can't stand to see another girl
walk down the aisle in a movie theater.

You know the worst part?
I feel like a hypocrite.

I just don't feel close enough
to Twinks to be her maid of honor.

Hey, Mary, call her
and tell her something came up.

You're right.
Enough is enough.

I will call her and tell her that I'm
going out of town, and that's honest.

- How is that honest?
- I'll go.

You're the only person I know
who'd take a trip rather than lie.

Hello, uh, Twinks?

Uh, Mary. Listen, Twinks.

Rhoda and I are...


Well, no, Twinks, purple has never
really been one of my favorite colors.

I... Pink.

Yes, pink is... is fine.

Oh, never mind. It was...
It was nothing important.

- Rhoda? Yeah, she's here.
- What?

- Just a second. Twinks for you.
- Uh-uh.

- Wh- What do you mean, "uh-uh"?
- I'm not gonna talk to her.

Rhoda, she knows you're here.
You can't do this to me!

Okay. Okay, I'll talk
to her... for you.


Isn't that too bad?

Yeah, sure. Okay.
See you around.

- That was short.
- You bet it was short.

Okay, so I don't handle people
as well as you do.

Maybe I'm a hypocrite.
I don't know.

Before you say another word,

shake hands with the bridesmaid
who's wearing purple.

Hi, Tommy.

How's the social event
of the season coming along?

Well, the rehearsal dinner is tonight,
then it'll be all over tomorrow.

I'm just gonna make it. I'm overdrawn at
the bank for the first time in my life.

- I don't believe it.
- What?

A mimeographed
wedding invitation.

Aren't they usually engraved?

- Can someone tell me what this is about?
- What is this?

"Mr. and Mrs. Simon McFarland...

"request the honor of your presence
at the marriage...

of their daughter Rochelle Margaret
to Mr. Arnold... Tvedt."

There he goes again. Can't you read
anything without mispronouncing it?

- How would you pronounce that then?
- "Tvedt."

Oh, must be a typo.

What is a "tvedt"?

It's a name. Arnold Tvedt.


- And who is Rochelle Margaret McFarland?
- Twinks.

I should have known.

Poor Twinks.
I just realized.


Well, it's just something girls do
when they're going with a guy.

They doodle her name
and his together,

you know, to just see how
it's gonna look together.

What a shock it must have been the
first time she wrote it down and saw it.

Twinks Tvedt.

Hey, say, Murray, is it all right
if I ride with you to the wedding?

- I won't get as wrinkled that way.
- Oh, Ted, you're going?

- Sure.
- Ted'll go anywhere he can wear his tux.

- How 'bout you? Are you going, Murray?
- Well, I don't know.

I guess we all have to go. We see her
every day. She does lots of favors.

Well, Mr. Grant, are you,
uh, go... I... No.

Hi, all. Mary, here are
the dresses for you and Rhoda.

I was so worried they wouldn't get here
on time. I sent to Detroit for them.

Oh, I see you all got
your wedding invitations.

I'll put the R.S.V.P. list on the
bulletin board and pick it up later.

Oh, Mr. Grant, are you coming?

My father can't be here.
He's overseas.

You remind me so much of him.

I'm not gonna have to
give you away or anything, am I?

Oh, no, I just want you
to be there.

Yeah, all right. All right.

Oh, I'm gonna
miss you all... so much.

Yeah, same here.

Ohh! Oh, what
a beautiful thing to say.

I guess it's the way
I put things.

Oh, Mary, I still can't
get over that rehearsal.

Oh, Mary, I still can't
get over that rehearsal.

I can't hear you, Rhoda.

The stuff packed around the dress
is making too much noise.

I said, that rehearsal...

If that's any indication
of what the wedding's gonna be,

we're in for a lot of laughs.

What'd you think of Arnold?

You know, it's funny how
some people look like their names.

Like I once knew
this guy named Fox.

This guy named Fox had red,
bushy hair and little, beady eyes.

Now, Arnold, he looks
just like a tvedt.

Hey, what's taking you
so long, kid?

I want to see the dress.

Mary? Are you having
trouble in there?

- Mary!
- [Quietly] Yeah?

Oh, it's bad, huh?

Well, come out, kid.
How bad could it be?

That bad, huh?

I'd say, uh,

'bout the only thing
worse than this dress...

would be this dress...

in purple.

Are you all right?

Who would have thought that the stuff
I said was packed around the dress...

was the dress?

But wait, it gets better.

As maid of honor, I get
the special added attraction...

of this sash.

Well, now, no wonder.
That makes it.

Now all you need is a lamb.
You can go as Little Bo Peep.

I can't get over...

Rhoda, to think that we
are going to be seen...

- Are you all right?
- I'm fine.

To be seen in public!

Well, listen, if we get rid
of the hoops, it might help.

- Get rid of the hoops?
- Right.

And for a cute touch, we could get
sticks and roll them alongside of us.

If we got rid of the hoops
and, uh, and the bows...

We take off the bows,

those puffy sleeves,
the skirt...

We'll be walking down the aisle
in our underwear, Mary.

This is gonna be a challenge...
it really is...

to see if we can turn these dresses
into something halfway decent.

I'm beginning to look forward
to the wedding.

You've gotta be kidding.

No, I mean it. I know I didn't
want to do it at first, but...

now that I'm involved in it, all caught
up in the fun of the wedding and all...

- [Doorbell Buzzes]
- [Rhoda] Who's this?

- Hi! Twinks!
- Hi.

Oh, you've got it on.

I was hoping to get here
before you opened the box.

I wish you had.

- Twinks, what is it? Tell me.
- I... can't.

- Did you and Arnold have a fight?
- Oh, no.

- [Car Horn Honking]
- Oh, that Arnold, he's so impatient.

He can't stand it when I'm
away from him for one second.

Isn't that cute?

- Will you tell me what's wrong?
- Mary.

My best, best... best,

very best friend is flying out
after all, and I...

You want her to be
the maid of honor?

That's it! Oh, you're not mad?
I knew you'd understand.

- [Horn Honking]
- Oh, that's Arnold.

I better tell him to wait
while you take off the dress.

Take off th-the dress?

Yes, so Patsy can wear it.

Well, I ju... I just...
I just paid for it.

Oh, Mar, I couldn't get another dress
from Detroit by tomorrow.

I'm sure you and she can
work something out money wise.

Oh, isn't it lucky that
you're both the same size?

- [Horn Honking]
- Oh!

That must be the prerequisite
for being her best friend...

you gotta be a size eight.

Mary, that is why I stay away
from warm, friendly people.

- They get you every time.
- She did get me a little, didn't she?

A little?

Mary, you've been running yourself
ragged for her, planning her wedding,

giving her a shower,
buying gifts,

just because you shared
a bunk 18 years ago.

Then she comes in here
and does this? Ahh.

It's ridiculous. Frankly,
it's not my idea of a friendship.

- You're just gonna take it, aren't you?
- Maybe I won't.

Ah, yes, you will.
You always do.

Well, just maybe this time
I won't, that's all.

- Oh, thanks, Mar.
- [Horn Honking]

Oh, Arnold!

We were thinking it would
look better without the hoops.

- Listen... Twinks.
- Hmm?

You know, I've been...

sort of running myself ragged
for you the last couple of weeks,

giving showers and gifts
and everything...

because I thought you
were my friend,

and now you come in here
and tell me some other girl...

is just gonna walk
down the aisle in my dress.

You know,
that somehow bothers me.

Frankly, that's just not
my idea of friendship.

You're right, Mary.

It might look better
without the hoops.

I'll see you at the wedding.

You're right. I'm glad I got that
out of my system. I am.

Well, I was
pretty proud of you.

However, it might have been
more effective had she heard you!

Why? It wouldn't have
made any difference at all.

There is no getting through to
that girl. She doesn't listen.

- It's like talking to a wall.
- What are you getting so excited about?

It's all over, and frankly,
I don't really mind.

But I do!
I'm still a bridesmaid!

Well, I gotta admit,

I found one great moment of satisfaction
during that ceremony.

What was that?

When I saw that beautiful girl,
that friend from California,

walking down the aisle
in that dress,

looking absolutely hide...

Actually, she didn't,
you know, look that bad.

Good try, Mar.

How 'bout the viciousness
when Twinks threw the bouquet?

Boy, you had to be
a real fighter to get that one.

Those girls were more
desperate than I was,

but not as tricky.