Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 1, Episode 21 - The Boss Isn't Coming to Dinner - full transcript

Following the wedding of his third and last daughter, Lou basks in the aftermath and the fact that he and his wife, Edie, will be alone in the house for the first time in decades. Also now that the rush in his life is over, Mary decides to invite the Grants to her place for dinner for the first time. Mary soon realizes that after the second invitation and the second "we can't make it" that Lou is making excuses not to have dinner with her. Mary becomes more dejected when she learns that the Grants have had dinner before at the Slaughters and at Ted's place. Edie, who had a slightly different reaction to their last child leaving the house than Lou, tells Mary why they can't make it for dinner. This news ultimately leads to a guys' night out bonding session with Mary just one of the guys, but one who feels the need to provide the much underrepresented women's perspective.

# How will you make it
on your own #

# This world is awfully big #

# And, girl
this time you're all alone #

# But it's time
you started living #

# It's time you let someone else
do some giving #

# Love is all around #

# No need to waste it #

# You can have the town
Why don't you take it #

# You might just make it #

# After all #

# You might just make it
after all ##

I just never saw
Mr. Grant so happy.

When he walked down the aisle
with his daughter on his arm,

he was positively glowing.

Because he and I spent a few hours
before the wedding working on that glow.

Oh. Gee, I don't know
what it is about weddings,

but everybody is so happy
and filled with love.

- Even the weather was lovely.
- It had to be.

I predicted rain.

- Hey, Lou!
- Hey.

- Congratulations.
- What a terrific wedding.

It was.
We were just talking about it.

- Coffee?
- Oh, I'd love it. Thank you.

It was a terrific wedding, wasn't it?
Even the kids had a really good time.

- Too bad they had to leave so early.
- I didn't see them leave.

Yeah, remember after the ceremony
when they walked back up the aisle?

They just kept right on going,
right in their car.

We got outside just in time
to throw rice at their skid marks.

Who needs a bride and groom
for a great wedding, huh?

And it was a great wedding.

Yeah. You know,
that woman, my wife,

raised three daughters
from scratch.

Three daughters, three weddings.

Now they're all out on their own.

Their lives are ahead of them,
and ours...

Suddenly our house is so quiet.

- Must be an awful feeling.
- No, it's a great feeling!

For the first time in our lives,
we can be alone together.

Come on. You must have been alone
together when you were first married.

No. We moved in with her folks.

We didn't move out until
our first daughter was born.

Then our second daughter was born.
Then our third daughter was born.

It seems like most of
our marriage we spent...

with a kid in wet pajamas
in bed between us.

I don't know how we ever
had the third kid.

Hey, wait till you see
what I got here.

Guess what this is.

It looks like one
of those artificial logs.

- It's one of those artificial logs.
- That was my next guess.

Tonight I'm gonna go home early,
I'm gonna put the chain on the lock,

- soft music on the FM,
- [Gordy] Hmm.

- and light my log.
- All right.

The wife and I will have
a few drinks, you know,

kind of relax, and then...

Well, i-if you guys want to,
uh, talk, I've got some work.

No, no, no, no. That's all
I was planning to tell anyway.

Don't you guys have
some work to do?

- Oh, uh, Mr. Grant.
- Huh?

Listen, now that the,
uh, wedding is over,

- and you and Mrs. Grant are free...
- What is it, Mary?

I was just wondering if you and Mrs.
Grant would like to come to my house...

for dinner one night this week.

- This week, huh?
- Well, yeah.

Just a nice, quiet evening
with the boss for dinner and all.

- This week, huh?
- Yeah, is this week bad for you?

Well, yeah,
as a matter of fact, it is.

I plan to be burning
a lot of logs this week.

Oh. Oh, well, then, uh, next week.

Better. Much better.

The fire oughta be
dying down by then.

- Hey, everybody!
- Hiya, Gordy.

- Hey, everybody!
- Hiya, Gordy.

Great day, isn't it?

If you call a driving rainstorm
with occasional hail a great day.

You don't understand.

When a weatherman predicts showers
and gets a rainstorm like this,

it's like...
[Imitating Bat Hitting Ball]

hittin' a home run
with the bases loaded.

[Typewriter Keys Clacking]

- Hi, Lou.
- Hi, Lou.

Good morning, Mr. Grant.

Five mornings in a row.

Maybe he's having trouble
lighting his log.

[Phone Buzzing]

- Yes, Mr. Grant.
- Mary, come in here!

Yes, I'll be right there, sir.

Good luck.

- Yes, sir?
- Who messed up my desk?

Well, I straightened it
up for you.

I don't like it straightened up.
I like it unstraightened up.

I sorted all your papers
and put them in your drawer.

They're at your fingertips.

No, the top of my empty desk...

is at my fingertips.

What I'm trying to say is,
my desk is my castle.

For years, when people saw my messy
desk, they knew I was working.

Now they come in, they see a clean desk,
they know you're working.

I want 'em to know
I'm working.

- Do I make myself clear?
- Uh, you'd like your mess back?

Very much.

I think this pile was here.
This was here.

There. There.


- Anything else?
- No, that's about it for now.

Oh, Mr. Grant, uh,

about a week ago, I asked
if you and Mrs. Grant...

would like to come
to my house for dinner.

Well, it's, uh, been about a week.

I was wondering if you'd like
to come over, uh, tomorrow night.

No, I don't think so.

- Oh.
- Well, you see, uh,

tomorrow night's not too good.

I'm, uh... I mean, uh...

Oh, listen, no, I understand.
That's... No...

Uh, you and Mrs. Grant
have made plans to go out...

or maybe you're just staying home.

In any case, you've made
some sort of plans...

to maybe do nothing at all, right?

Yeah, it's in there somewhere.

Well, uh, some-some
other time then.


Rhoda called. She wants you
to pick her up after work.

Sure, everybody always wants you
to pick 'em up after work.

- Huh?
- I'm sorry, Murray. I'm a little upset.

Yeah, coming out of that door
seems to do that to people.

Murray, when you and your wife
came to my house for dinner,

you had a good time, didn't you?

We had a great time.
You're a terrific cook.

Oh, I'm a terrific cook!

Now, look, Mary, the reason Marie and I
haven't invited you for dinner...

- Oh, Murray, no, I wasn't...
- No, Mary, we want to.

Murray, no. I don't want to
come to your house for dinner!

- Oh.
- What I'm trying to say is...

Murr, if you're having trouble
getting people...

to come to your house for dinner,
I'd love to.

- When is it?
- Murray, look.

I don't know how the subject
got around to your house for dinner,

but what I was talking about
was the Grants...

refusing to come
to my house for dinner.

- Then it's at your place?
- Ted, there is no dinner.

It's been canceled.

That's too bad.
I was looking forward to it.

Maybe Mr. Grant just doesn't
believe in socializing...

with the people he works with.

I don't think that's it. When Marie
and I had the Grants for dinner...

You had them, uh, for dinner?

- Well, only three or four times.
- Th-Three...

But you're right, Mary.
They didn't enjoy it.

Well, they certainly
enjoyed it at my place.

- Y-You had them too?
- Oh, yes.

And I really put out
a great gourmet spread.

Boy, did they eat it up.

You know, there wasn't one piece
of chicken left in that bucket.

It seems that everybody here has had
the Grants for dinner, except me.

Now, look, Mary.

Lou is the kind of guy that goes
to a lot of banquets and dinners.

He was probably busy for
the night you asked him for.

- Think so?
- Sure.

Why don't you pick
another night when he's free?

- [Snaps Fingers]
- I will.

- Uh, Mr. Grant?
- Mm-hmm?

Are you busy Thursday night?

Thursday night?
No, I don't think so.

- Oh, good.
- Why?

Because I want to have you and
Mrs. Grant to my house for dinner.


Ohh, uh...

Oh, uh, I just remembered, Mary.

I'm sorry, but we are
kind of busy on Thursday night.

Well, that's... No, that's okay,

'cause I just, uh, remembered
that I'm, um, kind of busy...

on Thursday night too.

[Door Closes]

[Door Closes]

I just wish I knew why
Mr. Grant keeps turning me down.

I know what you mean.

It's been years,
and I still don't know why...

they turned me down
for that stewardess job.

Oh, come on, Rhoda. Lots of girls
don't make it as stewardesses.

For a bus company?

Maybe your boss
just doesn't like you.

Oh, thanks.
I really needed that.

Could be his wife, Mar.
Maybe she can't stand you.

I've gotta find out.

- I'm gonna call her.
- Good.

Hey, if they accept, tell them
to bring their own pizza.

Hello, uh, Mrs. Grant.
[Clears Throat]

It's, uh, Mary Richards.
Oh, I'm fine, thank you.

Mrs. Grant, I'm just
calling to find out...

if you and Mr. Grant would like to
come over and have dinner with me...

one night this week...
or next week.

Whenever. You say.

You're kidding.

Well, Mrs. Grant, l-I'm, uh,

awfully sorry
that I... bothered you.


Oh, Mary, kid.
Listen, when I said she hated you...

She doesn't hate me, Rhoda.
It's worse.

She and Mr. Grant have separated.

So this old Italian fisherman
was walking down the road.

This-This is really a great story.
It's just funny.

And this car goes by, and this little
boy sticks his head out the window...

and he says,
"Hey, old fisherman!"

The old fisherman says, " Hey, that's-a
no way to talk-a to a fisherman, huh?"

And then the boy says... the boy says...

Oh, wait.
The father of the boy says...

Hey, what did he say?

- Ted!
- Don't tell me. Don't tell me.

This is gonna be one of
those big jokes. I can tell.

- [Murray] Hi, Mary.
- Wait a minute!

I know the punch line. I just
have to get all that stuff up front.

- Mr. Grant in?
- Not yet.

I guess I'll just ask
Chuckles the Clown.

Gee, he got such a big laugh this
morning when he told it on his show.

Chuckles gets laughs
no matter what joke he tells.

When he gets to the punch line, his nose
lights up and his pants fall down.

- Mary, what's wrong?
- Oh, nothing.

I'm just a little depressed,
that's all. It's nothing.

- Hi, Lou.
- Good morning, Murray.

Mary, would you please get
Mrs. Grant on the phone for me?

Oh, yes, sir!

I'd be delighted to get Mrs. Grant
on the phone for you.

I'll have to remember that
the next time I get depressed.

Just get Mrs. Grant
on the phone.

Hello, Mrs. Grant. Good morning.
Hi. Mr. Grant's calling.

One moment, please.

Mr. Grant, good morning.
Hi. Mrs. Grant on two.

Gonna keep it to yourself
or tell your fellow worker?

Well, I just feel great.

And I feel great just seeing you
feel great. What's so great?

Well, Mr. Grant is calling Mrs. Grant,
and... His light just went out.

Come in.

- Mr. Grant?
- Mm-hmm?

- I need your signature on these.
- What are you so happy about?

Mr. Grant, look, I know
I'm not supposed to know,

but now that you and Mrs. Grant
are back together again,

I know,
and I am very, very happy.

- You're also very, very wrong.
- Wrong?

Very, very.

I just assumed that
when you called Mrs. Grant...

Mary, the reason
I called Mrs. Grant...

was because I had
all these dirty shirts.

I asked her if she'd
still do them for me.

She said she'd just as soon not.

Mr. Grant, I'm very sorry
that you're separated.

I'm not. I'm not.

I look at a separation
like I look at two boxers...

going to their corners
between rounds.

That doesn't mean
the fight is over, Mary.

Just means they're resting.

I know, but last week when you
went home to your wife...

with your log,
you just seemed so...

- Look, this is none of my business.
- No, no, no, please sit.

I'm glad you brought this up.

You see, you're about the only person
whose opinion I value around here.

Thank you, Mr. Grant.
I do try to...

Because I know you won't do anything
stupid like try to give me advice...

or comment in any way whatsoever.


When I went home early last week,

I was really looking forward
to being alone with my wife.

When I got there,
I was alone, all right.

- No wife.
- Where was she?

Enrolling at
the University of Minnesota.

My wife's a coed.

Well, Mr. Grant, she was probably
looking for a way to fill her days.

Mary, what I think
you just said is a comment.

Right. Sorry.

It's just that it's very hard
not to comment... when you care.

Do you know what it's like
to come home...

and find a 43-year-old woman
doing homework?

She doesn't study all the time.

No, the rest of the time
she sleeps.

You get very tired when you're
doing homework, you know?

Finally it got so bad,
I had to lay down the law.

I said, " Edie, if you don't
quit school right now,

I am walking."

Just to give it more emphasis,
I started walking toward the door.

I figured she'd call my name,
and that would be it.

But I didn't hear my name.

So I started walking slower...

and slower.

The next thing I knew,
I was in St. Paul.

Uh, where are you staying?

A hotel.

How's Mrs. Grant doing?

Oh, B's and C's.

I meant how is she doing
living alone?

She doesn't seem to mind it.

Her schoolwork, uh,
takes up most of her time.

I'd heard about
this change-of-life thing,

but I never thought
it would be mine.

Well, Mr. Grant, I know
you've heard this too, but,

well, if there's anything
I can do...

Oh. Thanks, Mary. Ah!

Listen, don't worry.

She'll be calling me
pretty soon. I'll win.

[Ted] That's-a no way
to talk to a fisherman, huh?

Then the father of the boy says...
I wrote it down so I'd get it right.

The father of the boy says, " Yeah,
but that's a great way to talk to a..."

Can you make that last word out?

- Looks like, um, "muflaff."
- "Muflaff."


I see nothing happened
while I was gone.

It still isn't happening.

Ted's been trying to tell
the same joke for the past 20 minutes.

- Good. I could use a laugh right now.
- You better not listen to him.

What did Lou
get you for this time?

Oh, Murray,
I wish I could tell you,

but it's kind of a personal matter
and I can't tell you.

About Lou and his wife
breaking up?

- When did you find out?
- Lou called me the night it happened.

Talking about the Grants? Too bad.
Say, can you make this word out, Murray?

- Ted, you knew too?
- Well, sure.

- We all know.
- I guess you're the last to find out.

But don't feel bad, Mary.
It's something guys tell guys.

It's not the kind of thing
a woman can help you with.

Uh... Mary.

Yes, Mr. Grant.

It just occurred to me that I
could use a little female advice.

You're a woman. I'd really like to hear
what you have to say about all this.

Well, I'd be glad to, Mr. Grant.

- Yes, glad to.
- Well, what about tonight?

We could go downstairs
and have a cocktail.

That would be great.

Yes, I'd like that very much.

Hey, if any of you other guys wanna
join us for a few blasts tonight,

you're all welcome.

[People Chattering]

Bourbon and Seven.

- Scotch rocks.
- Mm-hmm.

Scotch water.

Cr?me de menthe frapp?
for the lady.

Oh, no, that's for him.

So that's why your tongue
is always green.

Here, I got it.

Happy hour is over
in four minutes.

- Shall I order your next round now?
- Yeah. I'll care of it.

- No, I got it.
- Look, Gordy, I'll take care of it.

- I got it.
- I have some extra money.

Hold it, hold it, hold it!
I have a simple solution to the problem.

Murray said it first, so he pays.

- Gordy gets the third round.
- Who's got the round after Gordy?

- I guess that's you, Mar.
- [Lou] Ted!

I'm just kidding.
Can't you tell I'm kidding?

Well, here we are.

- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.

Sure is good to be out
drinking with the boys.

It's healthy to get away
from our wives once in a while.

- I'll drink to that.
- [Lou] Amen.

Say, Gordy, what did
the Twins do last night?

Oh, it was too much. They were
falling all over themselves.

Gordy, I didn't know
you had twins!

No, Mary.

He's talking about
the Minnesota Twins.

- You know, baseball? Round, white ball?
- Yes, I know, Mr. Grant.

- I just thought...
- No, don't apologize.

You're just being a typical woman.

You give a woman a big, thick newspaper,
she always picks out the sports page...

to put under the dog food dish.

My old lady does
the same kind of thing.

Soon as she hears
the kickoff on television,

that's when she turns on
the vacuum cleaner.

- That's another one.
- My old lady used to do the same thing.

That's why I moved out.

What are you talking about?
You've never been married.

Well, it's just as hard living
with a mother as it is with a wife.

Oh, a real old lady.

Imagine my wife wanting
to improve herself...

by going back to school.

And at her age.

She doesn't want to be
a housewife anymore,

so what's she taking in college?

Home economics.

She's going for
her master's, then a PhD.

Mr. Grant, that's terrific.
What's the matter with that?

For one thing, I don't want us to
be introduced as Mr. and Dr. Grant.

- Oh!
- Women, they don't know what they want.

Are you sure you know
what you want, Mr. Grant?

I know exactly what I want.

Here's the second round.

- Thanks, Murr.
- Oh, it's, uh, my pleasure, Ted.

Why don't you try it sometimes,
see what it's like?

I'd like to propose a toast.

To men's lib.

- Let's hang on to what little we've got.
- I'll drink to that.

Hold it!

I, uh, can't drink to that.

Mr. Grant, you invited me so that you
could hear a woman's point of view.

And I've appreciated it.

But I haven't said anything.

I have been sitting here
like some kind of idiot,

acting like I agree with
everything you've said.

We respect you for that, Mar.

That's right.
You're some kind of woman.

But I don't agree with
everything you've said.

- Uh-oh.
- As a matter of fact,

I don't agree with
anything you've said.

That's because you're a woman
and you're on their side.

Sides? Oh, Mr. Grant,
that is just dumb.

And that was an unfortunate
choice of words.

I mean, you're sitting here,
your wife is sitting at home,

and you're both miserable.

You're not winning
anything, Mr. Grant.

You're both losing.

- What's she getting so excited about?
- Well, he asked me.

- No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did,

earlier back at the office.

Oh, yeah.

Look, I'm sorry if I
put a damper on things,

but you'd rather have me
be honest, wouldn't you?

No, I don't think so.

Listen, uh, I've got a date.
I really have to be going.

- Please, don't anybody get up.
- How are you gonna get out?

You're right.
Everybody up, please.

Thank you very much, and I'll
see you all at the office tomorrow.

- Can I have your drink, Mar?
- Yeah, sure, Ted.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Stick to your guns, Lou. Once you let
a woman push you around, you're sunk.

- What time you got, Gordy?
- Quarter to 8:00.

Ooh, I better get going. I told Marie
I had a news conference until 7:30.

Now I have to think of
some new kind of excuse.

Wait a minute.
I'll walk out with you.

I want to say good night
to my kids.

- See you tomorrow.
- See you in the morning!

I suppose you have to
get somewhere too?

Oh, no, Lou. We can stay out
as late as you want.

Hey, Lou, I got a great idea.

There's this new club
we could go to across town.

I understand it's
a pretty "risky" show.

No, l...
I don't think so, Ted.

Hey, Ted? Have you got a dime?

Why? Is it my turn
to leave a tip?

- No, I gotta make a phone call.
- Oh, sure, Lou.




How you doin'?



Me... Me too.


listen, Edie, uh,

if you're... if you're
not doing anything tonight,

I'm comin' home.

Yeah. Yeah, l... I know
what you mean, baby.

Me too.

Yeah, all right. What?

Oh. Okay.

Quart of milk.

Pound of butter.


American cheese.

And an artificial log.

All right, bye-bye.

- [Rings]
- Newsroom.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Grant.
Yes, he is. Just a moment, please.

Uh, Mr. Grant,
Mrs. Grant on two.

I know why she's calling. Remember
inviting Mrs. Grant and me for dinner?

Of course I do. When would you like to
come? Tuesday, Wednesday, you name it.

- We can't make it.
- Oh.

But she would like you to come
to our place for dinner tonight.

Tonight? Well, thank you.
Yes, I'd like to do that.

We're having
chilled vichyssoise,

veal scallopini,
noodles almondine and baked Alaska.

Sounds terrific!

Leftovers from
her home economics test.

Well, that's okay.
Listen, I love leftovers.

She got a C-minus.