Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman (1976–1977): Season 1, Episode 7 - Episode #1.7 - full transcript

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MARY HARTMAN! MARY HARTMAN!

THIS IS TERRIBLE.

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE
THAT HEATHER KNOWS ANYTHING
ABOUT THE MASS MURDER.

MURDERS.

DO YOU THINK
IT'S POSSIBLE?

WAIT A MINUTE, MARY.
LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
IT'S POSSIBLE?

I THINK IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

I ASKED YOU
IF YOU THINK IT'S POSSIBLE.

WELL, HOW SHOULD I KNOW?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW

WHY YOU THINK THAT I THINK
THAT IT'S POSSIBLE.



NO, I DIDN'T SAY YOU DID.
I ASKED YOU IF YOU DID.

MARY.
WHAT?

LET'S HAVE A CUP OF COFFEE.

YOU WANT A CUP OF COFFEE,
AT A TIME LIKE THIS?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?
REGULAR OR INSTANT?

INSTANT.

OK.

YOU WANT POWDER
OR FREEZE-DRIED CRYSTALS?

POWDER.

I'M ALL OUT OF POWDER.

THEN GIVE ME
THE FREEZE-DRIED CRYSTALS.

OK.

THE MAN THAT FOLLOWED HEATHER
HOME FROM SCHOOL

MUST BE THE SAME MAN
THAT CALLED UP HERE
LAST NIGHT.



I DON'T KNOW,
MAYBE SHE DOES KNOW SOMETHING
ABOUT THE MASS MURDER.

MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

YOU DIDN'T?

THEN YOU'RE WRONG.

HMM.

THANK YOU.

HOW DO THEY DO IT?

WHAT? COMMIT MASS MURDER?

NO, UH,
MAKE FREEZE-DRIED COFFEE.

ISN'T IT FUNNY
HOW THE HUMAN MIND WORKS?

I MEAN, HERE I HAVE
THIS TERRIBLE PROBLEM

ABOUT MY DAUGHTER
ON MY MIND, RIGHT?

AND THIS THOUGHT
ABOUT FREEZE-DRIED COFFEE
GETS INTO MY HEAD. HMM.

WELL, YOU KNOW I THINK
IT'S ALL THE SAME, YOU KNOW.
FREEZE-DRIED, PERK,

REGULAR, INSTANT...
CATHY, I AM TALKING
ABOUT MY DAUGHTER.

THE THING ABOUT THE COFFEE
WAS JUST A STRAY THOUGHT.

HOW DO YOU SUPPOSE IT HAPPENS
THAT WE HAVE STRAY THOUGHTS
LIKE THAT AT A TIME LIKE THIS?

WELL, I THINK IT STARTS...

NEVER MIND.
THE IMPORTANT THING IS

DOES HEATHER KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT THE MASS MURDER?

WELL, IF SHE...
IF YOU THINK SHE DOES,

THEN WHY DON'T YOU ASK HER?

SHE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I MEAN, YOU SAW WHAT HAPPENED.

HOW SHE RAN UPSTAIRS,
SHE LOCKED HERSELF IN HER ROOM

AND SHE SAID
SHE'S NOT COMING OUT
TILL SHE STARVES TO DEATH.

I'M HUNGRY.

WELL, NO WONDER.
YOU DIDN'T EAT LUNCH.

SIT DOWN,
I'LL GET YOU SOMETHING.

FIRST WE GOT TO LOCK
ALL THE DOORS.

AND ALL THE WINDOWS.

NOW, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

JUST SIT DOWN, HEATHER.
YOU'RE BEING VERY SILLY.

IF YOU KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT THE LOMBARDI MURDERS,
YOU MUST TELL US.

I DON'T WANNA
TALK ABOUT IT.

HEATHER,
YOU'VE GOT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

I'M GOING UPSTAIRS
TO MY ROOM.

NO, HEATHER, YOU ARE NOT
GOING TO YOUR ROOM!

NOT AT A TIME LIKE THIS.
NOW SIT DOWN HERE.

NOW, SIT DOWN.

NOW, LISTEN TO ME.

A MAN CALLED UP HERE
LAST NIGHT

TO ASK IF YOU KNEW
THE LOMBARDI CHILDREN.

THEN HE HUNG UP.

NOW YOU DID KNOW
ONE OF THE LOMBARDI GIRLS,
DIDN'T YOU?

I DON'T WANNA
TALK ABOUT IT.

MARY, MARY.
WHAT?

IF YOU THINK THAT
THERE'S, YOU KNOW,
SOME DANGER TO HER LIFE,

I THINK YOU SHOULD
CALL THE POLICE
AND TELL THEM ABOUT...

NO!

DON'T CALL THE POLICE,
PLEASE, DON'T CALL THE POLICE.

OK, I WON'T STARVE TO DEATH.

BUT, EVEN THOUGH
I HAVE NO REASON
TO GO ON LIVING.

YOU'VE A LOT OF REASONS
TO GO ON LIVING.

LIKE WHAT?

WELL, JUST WAIT,
YOU'LL SEE.

LOOK, HEATHER,
CAN'T YOU SEE

THAT IF YOU DON'T TELL ME
WHAT YOU KNOW
ABOUT THE MASS MURDER,

I'M GONNA HAVE TO GO
TO THE POLICE?

WHY?

TO, UH, TO PROTECT YOUR LIFE.
RIGHT.

SO, WHAT IT'S GONNA BE,
HEATHER?

ARE YOU GOING
TO TALK TO US?

OR ARE YOU GONNA GO
AND TALK TO THE POLICE?

NOW, BEFORE YOU ANSWER THAT,

JUST REMEMBER
YOU'RE NOT RELATED
TO THE POLICE.

WELL, I KNEW
SARAFINA LOMBARDI.

SHE WAS
IN MY SOCIAL STUDIES CLASS.

AND WHEN WE HAD
TO PICK PARTNERS

FOR THE SEMESTER PROJECT,
I PICKED HER.

BUT THE LOMBARDIS JUST MOVED
INTO THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

YOU HARDLY KNEW HER.

WHY DID YOU PICK HER?

WELL, FOR ONE THING,
NOBODY ELSE WANTED
TO BE MY PARTNER.

AND WHAT WAS
THE OTHER REASON?

WHAT WAS THE OTHER REASON,
HEATHER?

WELL,

PROMISE TO TELL...
NOT TELL ANYBODY?

I CROSS MY HEART.
GIRL SCOUTS' HONOR.

NO, I CAN'T TELL YOU.

HEATHER, COME ON.

COME ON.

WELL,

SARAFINA HAD A BROTHER,
ROCCO.

OH, I'M SO ASHAMED.

PLEASE DON'T PLAY OUT
ABOUT THIS, I'D JUST DIE.

OH, SWEETHEART, SWEETHEART,

NEVER BE ASHAMED

OF SOLVING THE MYSTERY
OF A MASS MURDER.

NOW...

WHAT ABOUT ROCCO?

WELL, HE TALKED TO ME
IN SCHOOL ONCE.

WHAT DID HE SAY?

HE SAID "EXCUSE ME."

DID YOU LIKE HIM?

WELL, HE DIDN'T KNOW
ANY OF THE OTHER GIRLS YET

AND I THOUGHT
MAYBE HE'D TAKE ME
TO ONE OF THOSE NEW DANCES.

OH, I'M SWEET, HONEY.

I'M SO GLAD TO SEE
THAT YOU ARE SOCIALIZING
MORE THAN YOU USED TO.

THAT'S SO GOOD FOR YOU,
YOU KNOW.

WHAT HAS THIS GOT TO DO
WITH THE MASS MURDERS?

OH, NOTHING. I'M SORRY.
UH, GO AHEAD, HEATHER.

OH, WELL,

I WENT OVER
TO THE LOMBARDIS' HOUSE
THAT DAY.

AND NOBODY ANSWERED THE DOOR.

AND THEN I SAW THIS MAN
WITH A GUN.

HE SAW ME
AND HE RAN THE OTHER WAY.

OH, MY GOD.

OH, MY GOD.

THAT MUST BE THE MAN
THAT CALLED UP ON THE PHONE
LAST NIGHT.

DO YOU REALIZE
WHAT THIS MEANS?

NO, WHAT?

I WAS ACTUALLY TALKING

ON MY OWN TELEPHONE

TO A MASS MURDERER.

WELL, MRS. HARTMAN.

HOW NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

I WISH THE FEELING
WERE MUTUAL.

WELL, I'VE BEEN LOOKING
FORWARD TO YOU COMING BY.

OH, I'M SORRY.

IT REALLY IS NICE
SEEING YOU AGAIN.

I, UM...

MARY HARTMAN.

I HAVE THE FEELING
YOU WANT TO TELL ME SOMETHING.

SOMETHING AWFUL.

WHAT?

THIS IS MY DAUGHTER, HEATHER.

HEATHER HARTMAN.

OH, I DON'T MEAN SHE'S AWFUL.
I MEAN, SHE'S HEAVEN.

I JUST MEAN THAT
SHE MAY KNOW SOMETHING
ABOUT THE MASS MURDER.

IS THAT RIGHT?

GO AHEAD, HEATHER,
GO AHEAD, SWEETHEART.
TELL HIM.

NO.

HEATHER, TELL HIM.

HEATHER, YOU PROMISED ME
THAT YOU WOULD TELL HIM.

I CHANGED MY MIND,
I DON'T WANT TO.

HEATHER,
A PROMISE IS A PROMISE.

DON'T DO THIS TO ME,
PLEASE, HEATHER,
I'LL PAY YOU.

HOW MUCH?
HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT?

UM, ABOUT 3...

CAN I HELP?

LOOK, UM,
HEATHER SAW THE MURDERER.

HE FOLLOWED HER HOME
FROM SCHOOL

AND HE CALLED ME

AND I AM SORRY, SWEETHEART,
I JUST HAVE TO DO THIS.

I MEAN, WE'LL TALK ABOUT
THE MONEY PART LATER, OK?

I WANNA GO.

YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
YOU'RE GONNA STAY RIGHT HERE.

BUT I WANNA GO.

IT'S DOWN THE HALL,
THE FIRST DOOR ON THE RIGHT.

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

I'VE WORKED IN THE BUILDING
FOR YEARS.

NO, THAT... I MEAN...

HOW DID YOU KNOW
ABOUT HER HAVING TO GO?

A POLICEMAN LEARNS
TO UNDERSTAND THE NEEDS
OF THE PUBLIC.

OH, I NEVER LOOKED AT IT
THAT WAY.

THAT'S...
ALL RIGHT, COME ON.

VERY INTERESTING.

THIS IS AGAINST
THE RIGHTS...
GET IN HERE.

I AM NOT GONNA...

MARY, LOOK,
WHAT HAPPENED TO US.

WHAT HAVE WE HERE?

THEY WERE PICKETING
WILSON'S SUPERMARKET AGAIN.

WILL YOU TELL
THIS HORRIBLE MAN
TO TAKE HIS HANDS OFF?

STOP TOUCHING ME.

IT'S A PLEASURE.

MARY,
WHAT ARE DOIN' HERE?

I THOUGHT YOU WAS AT
THE LIBRARY.

OH, NO, I WENT THERE...
OH, I LOVE THOSE BOOTS.

OH, THANKS.
OH, ARE THEY NEW?

OH, GLORY, NO.
KID, I'VE HAD THESE
SINCE I WAS A PUP.

BROKEN IN REAL GOOD.
GREAT FOR PICKETING,
YOU KNOW.

HMM, REALLY GREAT.
WHERE DID YOU GET 'EM?

DO YOU SUPPOSE
I COULD INTERRUPT

TO FIND OUT
WHAT THE CHARGES ARE?

OH, YEAH.
UH, DISTURBING THE PEACE,

FAILURE TO DISPERSE,

AND INCITING TO RIOT.

AND I WANNA CHARGE THIS MAN
WITH IMPROPERLY ACCOSTING ME,

IMPROPERLY.

OK, ONE THING AT A TIME.

UH, WHAT DON'T YOU, UH, UH,
BRING THE LADIES, UH, INSIDE

AND SEE IF THE LIEUTENANT
WANTS TO BOOK THEM

AND THEN WE WILL, UH,
SORT OUT THE REST
OF THE STUFF LATER.

ALL RIGHT, LADIES,
COME ON.

FATSO LIVES!

♪ WE SHALL OVERCOME ♪

♪ WE SHALL OVERCOME ♪

NOW, THEN.

YEAH.

YOU SAY YOUR DAUGHTER
SAW THE MURDERER.

WELL, SHE WAS OVER
AT THE LOMBARDIS' HOUSE,

AND SHE SAID THAT
SHE SAW A MAN
WENT OUT OF THE HOUSE

WITH A, UH,
GUN IN HIS HAND.

AND I GUESS
THAT HE WAS THE MURDERER.

IF HE WAS,

YOUR LITTLE GIRL
IS IN TROUBLE.

UNLESS IT WAS A TOY GUN.

THE... THE KIND
THEY MAKE OUT OF PLASTIC.

OR MAYBE IT WAS HIS FINGER.

SHE DOESN'T SEE THAT WELL,
YOU KNOW.

COULD IT HAVE BEEN A TOY MAN?

I MEAN, SHE SAID HE WAS SHORT.

MY LITTLE GIRL IS IN TROUBLE,
HUH?

MARY?

MARY!

MARY!

HELLO, ANYBODY HOME?

HEY.
IS LORETTA HERE?

NO, MARY'S NOT HERE EITHER.

OH, LOOK AT HEATHER.
SHE LEAVES HER BOOKS
ALL OVER THE PLACE.

I DON'T KNOW
WHERE THE HECK THEY ARE.
YOU WANT A BEER?

OH, NO, THANKS.
IF I DON'T FIND LORETTA
BY 5:00,

I GOTTA CANCEL
HER RECORDING SESSION.

UH-OH.

OH, JESUS,
IT'S AFTER 5:00 NOW.

OH, BROTHER,
YOU BETTER CALL THEM, HUH?

CAN I USE YOUR PHONE?
YEAH, SURE, GO AHEAD, CHARLIE.

OH, GOD.

SHE'LL
REALLY BE DISAPPOINTED.

YEAH, I KNOW SHE WILL BE.
BUT THAT'S A SHAME.
I'M REALLY SORRY, CHARLIE.

WELL, I'M GONNA HAVE TO WORK
SOMETHIN' OUT.

AFTER ALL,
IT IS OUR ANNIVERSARY.

I THOUGHT YOUR ANNIVERSARY
WAS LAST MONTH.

OH, THAT WAS THE ANNIVERSARY
OF OUR WEDDING.

THIS IS THE ANNIVERSARY
OF THE FIRST DAY
I EVER KISSED HER.

OH, DAMN, IT'S BUSY.

OH, BROTHER, YOU MEAN
YOU KEEP TRACK OF THINGS
LIKE THAT.

SURE.

4 WEEKS AND 2 DAYS AGO
WE HAD ANOTHER ANNIVERSARY.

FOR WHAT?

FIRST DAY I EVER
WANTED TO KISS HER.

HOW COME IT TOOK YOU 2 WEEKS
AND 4 DAYS TO KISS HER?

4 WEEKS AND 2 DAYS.
WELL, WHATEVER.
HOW COME IT TOOK YOU SO LONG?

UH, FEVER BLISTERS.

YOU MEAN YOU GOT SICK?

I'VE NEVER BEEN SICK
A DAY IN MY LIFE.

WELL, HOW COME
IT TOOK YOU SO LONG?

I MEAN, HOW COME
YOU HAD FEVER BLISTERS?

WELL,

THERE WAS THIS GUY
I USED TO KNOW.

LITTLE GUY.
HE WAS STOCKY. NICE GUY.
YEAH.

VERY GENTLE.
HAD A JOB AS A PIG STICKER
IN A SLAUGHTER HOUSE.

DIDN'T KNOW BEANS
ABOUT SUNTAN LOTION THOUGH.

HE RECOMMENDED
A SUNTAN LOTION TO ME

AND I USED IT
AND I GOT FEVER BLISTERS.

YOU KNOW,
I EVER MET A MAN BEFORE

WHO MADE AN ANNIVERSARY
OUT OF THE FIRST TIME
HE KISSED HIS WIFE.

YOU NEVER MET A MAN BEFORE
WHO KISSED LORETTA.

YEAH.

THAT WAS 5 YEARS AGO
WHEN I KISSED HER.

IF SOMEBODY STUCK A NEEDLE
IN MY ARM

WHEN I WAS KISSIN' HER,

AND FED ME
INTRA-INTRAVENOUSLY,
YOU KNOW,

LIKE THEY DO IN THE HOSPITAL,
I'D STILL BE KISSIN' HER NOW.

YEAH. HEY, COME ON,
HAVE A BEER.

COME ON, COME ON,
I'LL GET...

NO.
COME ON.

"YOU AND YOUR CLIMAX."

HUH, WHAT?

"ORGASM AND YOU."

I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WENT IN FOR SEX BOOKS.

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

THESE ARE YOUR BOOKS,
AREN'T THEY?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
MY BOOKS? NO WAY.

WHAT DO YOU THINK,
I'M SOME KINDA PERVERT?

OH, FROM THE LIBRARY.

THE WHAT? YOU MEAN,
THEY LET A 12-YEAR-OLD KID
TAKE OUT BOOKS LIKE THIS?

THAT'S AWFUL, CHARLIE.

MARY ISN'T 12 YEARS OLD
ANYMORE, IS SHE?

WHAT?

SHE TOOK THE BOOKS OUT,
THAT'S HER CARD.

UH, TOM,

YOU'VE BEEN ASKING ME
A LOT OF QUESTIONS ABOUT,

YOU KNOW, ME AND LORETTA,

AND

GEORGE KEEPS SAYIN' SOMETHING,

SOMETHING'S GOT MARY
UNHAPPY OR SOMETHIN'.

MARY'S GOT
THESE BOOKS OUT...

I'M JUST PUTTIN'
2 AND 2 TOGETHER.

NOW, YOU KNOW,
I NEVER ASK YOU
ANYTHING PERSONAL,

SO, LET ME ASK YOU THIS:

ARE YOU AND MARY
HAVIN' TROUBLE
WITH YOU AND YOUR CLIMAX?

I'M GONNA GET ME
ANOTHER BEER OR 2, GEORGE...
CHARLIE.

WHAT IS THIS?

YOU GOT A NOTE FROM MARY
ON THIS.

THERE'S A NOTE FROM MARY.
ISN'T IT? IT SAYS MARY.

WHAT? WHAT?

"IN CASE WE'RE NOT HOME
WHEN YOU GET HERE,

WE'RE AT THE POLICE STATION."

MARY AND LORETTA
HAVE BEEN BUSTED.

JESUS!

WHAT WOULD
THEY BE ARRESTED FOR?

I DON'T KNOW.

I THINK MAYBE FOR RUNNIN'
A PORNOGRAPHIC BOOKSTORE.

WAKE UP, 4-EYES.

ALL RIGHT, WE'RE GONNA
TRY IT AGAIN NOW.

IS THIS WHAT THE MAN
LOOKED LIKE?

NO, I TOLD YOU BEFORE.
HE LOOKED ORANGE.

ORANGE, HUH?
OK, WE'LL TRY IT AGAIN.

WE'LL START
WITH THE NOSE.

CAN YOU TELL ME
WHAT COLOR HIS NOSE
LOOKED LIKE?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
COME ON, COME ON.

WHO'S IN CHARGE HERE?
WHO'S THE QUARTERBACKING
THIS TEAM? WHO?

UH, HI.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME?

FOLEY.

FOLEY?

OH, YEAH, FOLEY.

YOU WERE ONE OF THOSE SOFTIES
I NEVER COULD GET TO COME OUT
FOR FOOTBALL.

HOW'D THE POLICE FORCE
EVER ACCEPT YOU?

OH, THERE'S, UH, LOT OF THINGS
THAT GO ON AROUND HERE

THAT WOULD SURPRISE YOU.

HUH?

LAST WEEK

THEY HIRED 2 GUYS
THAT PLAY TENNIS.

HMM...

YEAH, WELL, THIS TOWN
IS REALLY GOIN' TO THE DOGS,
ISN'T IT, FOLEY?

NOW, LISTEN, MY WIFE HAS BEEN
ARRESTED ILLEGALLY

AND I DEMAND THAT
SHE BE RELEASED IMMEDIATELY.

LIEUTENANT,
I GOT A PROBLEM HERE.

I'M SURE YOU DO, COACH.
HEY, HAVEN'T YOU FINISHED
THAT PORTRAIT YET?

YEAH, I FINISHED
10 OF 'EM.

THE KID KEEPS
CHANGING HER MIND.

I MEAN, TAKE YOUR CHOICE.
ELTON JOHN,

JOHNNY CARSON
AND ROBERT REDFORD.

OH, GREAT.

OH, OFFICER,
SHE'S VERY NERVOUS.

SHE DOESN'T LOOK NERVOUS.

I WANNA GO.

WE'LL GO HOME SOON,
SWEETHEART.

IT'S DOWN THE HALL,
REMEMBER?

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

LIEUTENANT, I DEMAND

THAT MY WIFE
BE RELEASED IMMEDIATELY.

LIEUTENANT,
I'M GOIN' ON SICK LEAVE.

I MEAN,
MY NERVES ARE SHOT.

MARY,
WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE?

WHAT... WHAT WERE YOU
ARRESTED FOR?

OH, I WASN'T ARRESTED.
LORETTA WAS.

LORETTA?
WHERE'S MY WIFE?

IF YOU WEREN'T ARRESTED,
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?
WHERE'S MY WIFE?

WHERE IS MY WIFE?

A MAN FOLLOWED HEATHER
HOME FROM SCHOOL.

WHAT MAN?
ROBERT REDFORD.

- CHARLIE!
- LORETTA!

BLANCHE! BLANCHE,
WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?

DON'T YOU KNOW
I HAVE A REPUTATION?

MY WIFE CANNOT GO AROUND TOWN
GETTING ARRESTED.

OH, GO DO A PUSHUP.

WHAT HAPPENED, HONEY?

OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT,
BABY BOY.

THEY'RE NOT GONNA
PRESS ANY CHARGES.

WELL, I INTEND
TO PURPORT CHARGES AGAINST
ONE OF YOUR OFFICERS HERE.

DO YOU REALIZE
MY WIFE...

OH, JUST SIT DOWN.

QUIET. QUIET!

NICE CUP OF COFFEE!

ALL RIGHT, MRS. HARTMAN,
WHAT WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO DO
IS ASSIGN A PLAINCLOTHESMAN

ON 24 HOUR DUTY
TO PROTECT YOUR DAUGHTER.

HE'LL STAY AT YOUR HOUSE,

HE'LL ESCORT HER BACK
AND FORTH FROM SCHOOL.

THAT WAY SHE'LL BE SAFE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

NO, ALL THE KIDS
WILL LAUGH AT ME.

I'LL BE HUMILIATED.

NO, NO, WAIT.
I'M THE CHILD'S FATHER

AND I THINK I HAVE TO SAY
SOMETHING ABOUT THIS.

I INSIST ON PROTECTING
MY FAMILY.

WHY?

HI, I'M FLEMENS
WITH THE CERNWOOD FOURIER.

CLEMENS
WITH THE FERNWOOD COURIER.

IS THIS THE GIRL
WHO SAW THE MASS MURDERER?

YES. AND THAT'S
THE ONLY THING
M SURE OF AROUND HERE.

OK, I'D LIKE
TO GET SOME PICTURES...

NO, WAIT, NOT NOW.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

I DON'T WANT ANY PICTURES
TAKEN OF HER.

WHY? THIS DOESN'T MATTER.

NO, LOOK, YOU SEE,
IT'S BECAUSE HER HAIR
ISN'T RIGHT, RIGHT NOW.

IT REALLY SHOULD BE
PULLED BACK
OFF OF HER FACE.

SHE HAS A VERY BEAUTIFUL
BONE STRUCTURE.

WHAT KIND OF SIDE ARM
DO YOU CARRY?

SMITH & WESSON .38.

IS THE COFFEE ALL RIGHT?

I THOUGHT MAYBE
IT MIGHT BE A .350 MAGNUM,
YOU KNOW?

CLINT EASTWOOD.

HOW'S THAT, MA'AM?

DIRTY HARRY, .350 MAGNUM.

HOPE YOU DON'T MIND
ARTIFICIAL CREAM IN IT.
NO, MA'AM.

I WAS ASKIN'
SINCE THERE WAS A MURDER.

I KNOW.

A HOMICIDE. ACTUALLY,
THAT'D BE SPECIAL ISSUE.

HMM.

I THINK THE COFFEE'S WEAK.

I USUALLY GET MOUNTAIN GROWN.

THIS MUST BE FROM THE SLOPES.

I HAVE A .38.

SERVICE REVOLVER?
YEAH, I KEEP IT
AROUND THE HOUSE.

I KEPT MINE, TOO.

THE WIFE HAS A .22
FOR HER PURSE,

AND THE BOY USES
A SMITH & WESSON .32
FOR TARGET PRACTICE.

IT'S AMAZING
THEY DON'T SHOOT THEMSELVES.

WHAT'S KEEPIN' HEATHER?

OH, PROBABLY NERVOUS
WITH STRANGERS IN THE HOUSE.

NO, NO, SHE SAID SHE WAS GLAD
THERE WAS SOMEONE HERE
TO PROTECT HER.

I COULD PROTECT HER.

NO, SOMEONE WHO KNEW
WHAT THEY WERE DOING.
I MEAN, WITH A GUN.

UH, ACTUALLY, MA'AM,
WE CALL IT A WEAPON.

I KNOW
WHAT I'M DOING WITH A GUN.
I MEAN, I HAVE A .38.

UH, WOULD YOU LIKE
SOME SAUSAGE,
BROWN AND SERVE?

I JUST DON'T USE IT
ALL THAT MUCH, YOU KNOW.

PLEASE.

ARE YOU SURE
OFFICER GUNDERSON
CAN'T COME IN?

NO, UH, ONE OF US
HAS TO MAINTAIN SURVEILLANCE

IN THE VEHICLE
OUT FRONT.

ROY, ROY VOLUNTEERED.

SORT OF SHY AROUND PEOPLE

WHICH IS ODD.

HIS, UH, SISTER USED TO BE
A HOSTESS AT THE
ARTHUR MURRAY PARTY.

YOU THINK
HE'D BE MORE OUTGOING.
HMM.

YOU EVER SHOOT A .44 MAGNUM?

ONLY ON A PRACTICE RANGE.

DAMN NEARLY
BLEW MY HAND OFF.

UH, HOW ABOUT SOME TOAST?

NO, THANKS.
YOU EVER KILL ANYONE?

TOM!
OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT, MA'AM.

NO, I DON'T MEAN YOU,
IT'S JUST FOR HEATHER,
I MEANT, FOR HEATHER...

THAT'S A NORMAL TOPIC
OF CONVERSATION.

OH, SORRY, MA'AM,
I GET A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY
WHEN I TALK SHOP.

I MEAN, A SPORTSMAN
GETTING ADVICE
FROM A PROFESSIONAL.

SPORTSMEN?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

SPORTSMEN AND PEOPLE
GOT KILLED, THAT'S NOT SPORT.

I MEAN, ANIMALS, GOATS,
AND CHICKENS GET KILLED,
THAT'S NOT SPORT.

IS THAT SPORT?

OH, MISS HARTMAN,

I... I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE
HAVE THE IMPRESSION

THAT POLICE WORK
IS A WHOLE LOT BLOODIER
THAN IT REALLY IS.

I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.
HOW'S YOUR SAUSAGE?

DELICIOUS.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME EGGS,
FARM FRESH?

UM, NO.

I HAVE TO WATCH
MY CHOLESTEROL.

WOULDN'T WANNA DIE
BEFORE MY TIME.

OH, GOOD MORNING.

HEATHER!

YOU LOOK SO PRETTY.

YOU'RE WEARING
YOUR DOUBLE KNIT. I THOUGHT
YOU WERE SAVING IT

FOR GRANDMA'S BIRTHDAY.

WELL, I AM, EXCEPT
I'M WEARIN' IT FIRST.

LOOKS REAL NICE.

YEAH. DID YOU HAVE
A GOOD NIGHT... NIGHT'S SLEEP,
SWEETHEART, HUH?

I DREAMT I WAS SHOT
AND MY DOUBLE KNIT UNRAVELED.
YOU DID?

OH, SWEETHEART, DON'T WORRY.
IT CAN'T DO THAT.

THE PHONE.

HELLO?

YES, IT IS.

WHO IS THIS?

I'M SORRY, I CAN'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

WHY ARE YOU MUMBLING?

COULD YOU JUST
SPEAK UP, PLEASE?

SPEAK UP.

WHAT?

WHAT?

HEATHER?

HERE ARE SOME SCENES
FROM THE NEXT EPISODE

OF MARY HARTMAN, MARY HARTMAN.

HEATHER?

UH, SHE'S JUST ON THE PHONE.

YEAH, HEATHER, HANG UP.
HANG UP AND COME BACK
TO THE TABLE.

I'M NOT ON THE PHONE.
HEATHER, COME ON.

SHE MUST BE UPSET.

OR MAYBE SHE CAUGHT ON
I WAS LETTING HER WIN
AT MONOPOLY.

YOU DID? THAT'S CHEATING
AND YOU'RE A POLICEMAN.

YES, MA'AM.
OK. EVERYBODY READY?

HELLO, OFFICER.

YEP, WE'RE ON OUR WAY
TO THE RECORDING STUDIO

TO CUT A MILLION-SELLER.

ARE THEY ALL RIGHT?
YEAH, THEY'RE OK, OFFICER.
PUT IT AWAY, COME ON.