Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman (1976–1977): Season 1, Episode 5 - Episode #1.5 - full transcript

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MARY HARTMAN! MARY HARTMAN!

♪ WHENEVER YOU WALK BY ♪

♪ I FALL TO PIECES ♪

THANK YOU,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I SURE HOPE
I NEVER DISAPPOINT YOU.

YOU KNOW, I APPRECIATE
THAT BOTH FOR MYSELF,

AND FOR THE LATE GREAT
PATSY CLINE,

WHOSE SONG,
I FALL TO PIECES,

IS STILL ONE OF
THE COUNTRY'S BIG HITS.

AND WHOSE TRAGIC DEMISE
IN A PLANE CRASH

SOME 15 YEARS AGO DEPRIVED
EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US



OF ONE OF
THE TRULY GREAT TALENTS

IN COUNTRY MUSIC
IN THE COUNTRY.

THANK YOU.
I LOVE Y'ALL. I REALLY DO.

AND RIGHT NOW, I'D LIKE
TO END THIS LAST SHOW,

WHICH MARKS
THE END OF MY APPEARANCE

HERE AT THE CAPRI LOUNGE

AT THE GORGEOUS
ROSEMONT BOWLING LANES,

WITH AN ORIGINAL COMPOSITION
THAT I WROTE MYSELF.

IT'S... IT'S A SONG
THAT WAS INSPIRED

BY THE TERRIBLE TRAGEDY

THAT BEFELL
MR. BUCK LOMBARDI

AND HIS FAMILY AND ANIMALS.

IT'S CALLED,
"RIDIN' THE TRAIN TO HEAVEN"

AND I SURE HOPE
YOU ENJOY IT



AS MUCH AS I ENJOYED SINGIN'
AND WRITIN' IT FOR YOU.

♪

♪ THEY CALL ME AN ENGINEER ♪

♪ AND I'M A-RIDIN'
THE TRAIN TO HEAVEN ♪

♪ I GOT A MOTHER AND A FATHER
AND A CHICKEN AND A GOAT ♪

♪ AND I'M A-RIDIN'
THE TRAIN TO HEAVEN ♪

♪ NOW YOU MAY ASK
AND RIGHTLY SO ♪

♪ WHERE'D YOU GET
SUCH STRANGE CARGO? ♪

UH, BYE, Y'ALL. SEE YOU.

♪ AND I GOT LOTS
OF STORIES TO TELL ♪

♪ ABOUT RIDIN'
THE TRAIN TO HEAVEN ♪

♪ IT'S ALL ABOUT
LOVE AND PAIN ♪

♪ FEATHERS AND HOOVES,
SO LET ME EXPLAIN ♪

♪ WE ALL GOT TICKETS,
ONE AND ALL ♪

♪ FOR RIDIN'
THE TRAIN TO HEAVEN ♪

♪ SO WHEN YOU HEAR
THAT WHISTLE BLOW ♪

♪ PACK YOUR BAGS,
COME ON, LETS GO ♪

♪ THE TIME HAS COME,
LIKE IT MUST ♪

♪ FOR RIDIN'
THE TRAIN TO HEAVEN ♪

♪ FOR RIDIN'
THE TRAIN TO HEAVEN ♪

THANK YOU. THANK YOU
VERY MUCH. GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT, RICHIE.

OH, HONEY,
I'M JUST SO PROUD OF YOU.

OH, REALLY?
YOU'RE SOMETHING ELSE
UP THERE.

I MEAN IT.
YOU'RE SOMETHING ELSE.

YOU... YOU HAVE
THE BIGGEST DAMN TALENT

WITH THE BIGGEST DAMN
CAPITAL "T"

OF ANYBODY
IN THIS SHOW.

OH, CHARLIE.
YEAH, I MEAN IT.
I MEAN IT.

THEY LOVED YOU.
YOU HEARD THEM.

REALLY?

THERE WASN'T ANYBODY
THAT LOVED YOU

HALF AS MUCH AS
THIS OLD BOY RIGHT HERE.

OH, AIN'T IT TERRIBLE?
I JUST LOVE LOVE.

BUT... BUT REALLY, CHARLIE,
I COULD NOT HAVE DONE IT

WITHOUT YOUR LOVE
AND SUPPORT

AND YOUR CONSTANT ATTENTION

TO BILLBOARD'S COUNTRY
AND WESTERN HOT 100.

REALLY, I... I COULDN'T HAVE,
I MEAN IT.
AW, HONEY, YOU,

YOU DON'T HAVE TO
SHARE THE GLORY WITH ME,

I MEAN, EVEN IF YOU COULD.

A TALENT LIKE YOURS,

WELL, IT COMES ALONG
MAYBE ONCE EVERY 10 YEARS.

IF THAT.

AND IF I CAN NURTURE IT

IN JUST THE TEENSIEST
LITTLE WAY...

OH, CHARLIE,

YOU CAN NURTURE
MY TALENT ANY TIME.

ANY TIME.

THERE'S NOTHIN' I'D...

THERE'S NOTHIN'
I'D RATHER DO, HONEY.

I'M POOPED.

WHERE'S MARY AND TOM?

I DON'T KNOW.
WELL, DIDN'T THEY
LIKE MY SHOW?

THEY LOVED IT HONEY.
THEY DID.

WELL, WHY'D THEY LEAVE THEN?

WELL, THEY SAID
THEY WERE GONNA STAY.

OH, YOU KNOW,
I BET I KNOW WHAT IT WAS.

THEY... THEY COULDN'T TAKE
MY TRIBUTE TO PATSY CLINE.

PROBABLY TOO EMOTIONAL
FOR 'EM.

YOU KNOW MARY.

YEAH. I'M SURE THAT WAS IT.

I SURE HOPE
THAT WAS IT.

WELL, WHATEVER IT WAS,

IT HAD TO DO WITH THEM
BECAUSE YOU WERE MARVELOUS.

OH.

YOU KNOW,

THAT TOM HARTMAN,

HE'S BEEN ACTING
AWFUL FUNNY

DOWN AT THE PLANT
WHERE WE WORK.

HE'S BEEN ACTING...

HE'S BEEN ASKING
STRANGE QUESTIONS

ABOUT YOU AND ME.

WELL,
WHAT KIND OF QUESTIONS?

PERSONAL QUESTIONS.

YOU KNOW LIKE... LIKE...

TOM WAS TRYIN'
TO CHECK HIMSELF OUT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YEAH, YEAH, I THINK I DO.

YOU KNOW, MARY'S BEEN SEEMIN'
KIND OF PIQUED LATELY.

AND I THINK I JUST STUMBLED ON
THE TRUTH OF IT.

MARY HARTMAN AIN'T GETTING
ENOUGH VITAMIN "L"

FROM HER MAN, TOM.

"VITAMIN "L"?"

VITAMIN LOVE.

I THINK I OUGHT TO
WRITE A SONG ABOUT THAT.

YEAH, AND COME
TO THINK OF IT, GEORGE,

GEORGE SHUMWAY.

OH, YEAH,
YOU MEAN MARY'S FATHER.

TOM'S FATHER IN LAW.
RIGHT.

HE WAS ASKING TOM
AT LUNCH THE OTHER DAY

ABOUT MARY,

'CAUSE HE SAID MARTHA,
MARY'S MOTHER,

WAS WORRIED ABOUT
MARY'S BEHAVIOR.

AND THEN,
I WASN'T GONNA MENTION THIS,

BUT I SAW MARY
TALKING TO A STRANGE GUY

WHEN I CAME OUT OF
YOUR DRESSING ROOM.

LET ME THINK.

YOU DON'T THINK?
NO.

NO, NO, NO.

NO, IT COULDN'T BE BECAUSE
I HEARD HIM, THE GUY, SAY

SOMETHING ABOUT HEATHER.

MARY'S DAUGHTER, HEATHER,
AND THE LOMBARDI MURDERS.

WHAT GUY? WHO?

WELL, SOME GUY.
I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE HIM.

I DON'T THINK,

BUT I GOT THE FUNNIEST FEELIN'

THAT HE WAS

AN OUT OF UNIFORM COP.

NOW, MARTHA,
DON'T STICK ME.

I... I GOT A RARE BLOOD TYPE.

I WON'T, PA,
THERE'S LOTS OF ROOM.

LOOK, YOU MUST HAVE
LOST 30 POUNDS

SINCE YOU BOUGHT THESE PANTS.

WORKS OUT TO
A POUND A YEAR.

I BOUGHT THEM
WHEN HARRY TRUMAN
WAS IN THE WHITE HOUSE,

IN THE SPRING OF '46.

WELL, THEN NO WONDER
YOU KEEP LOSIN' 'EM.

THEY'RE JUST
TOO BIG FOR YOU.

I SHOULD TAKE IN
THE WAIST.

BEST PRESIDENT
WE EVER HAD.

NEVER TOOK NO GUFF
FROM NOBODY.

ALMOST FINISHED.

NOW, PA, I'M SEWING
THESE SUSPENDERS
INTO YOUR PANTS

SO YOU WON'T
FORGET THEM.

IT'S NOT THE SUSPENDERS
HE FORGETS.

IT COULD BE GEORGE.

IT COULD BE
THE CAUSE OF THE MISHAPS
HE'S BEEN HAVING LATELY.

THE ONLY MISHAPS I HAVE

IS LIVING PAST
ANY REASONABLE MAN'S

3 SCORE AND 10.

YOU WARNED ME, GRACE?

LONG LIFE IS A BLESSING,
YOU KNOW THAT, PA.

OH, YEAH, FOR WHO?

THE HEARING AID COMPANIES
AND THE DENTURE MANUFACTURERS,

THAT'S FOR WHO.

ANOTHER MAN THAT
WOULDN'T TAKE ANY GUFF

WAS HAROLD ICKIES.

HAROLD ICKIES.

IT'S HARD ON HIS PRIDE.

IT'S HARD ON MY PATIENCE.

HAVING SUSPENDERS
SEWN INTO HIS PANTS.

BETTER THE SUSPENDERS
THAN A 3 TIME FLASHER.

OH, STOP IT, GEORGE.

A ROSE IS A ROSE, MARTHA.

DADDY, I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU KNEW THAT POEM.

WELL,
THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS
YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME.

I DOUBT THAT.

I HOPE PA COOPERATES WITH

THE PSYCHIATRIC SOCIAL WORKER
THE COURT APPOINTED.

LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE,
MARTHA.

IT'LL KEEP HIM
OFF THE PLAYGROUNDS
AND OUT OF THE LUAUS.

GEORGE.

HI, EVERYBODY.

HELLO, CINDERELLA!

HELLO, PRINCE.

OH, CATHY, NOT AGAIN.

NOW WHAT'S THE MATTER,
MARTHA?

SHE'S H-HOME EARLY.
THAT CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING.

MARTHA, YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE.

YOU JIBBER WHEN SHE'S LATE,
YOU JABBER WHEN SHE'S EARLY.

THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG.

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG.

I'M FIRED.

YOU SEE, SHE'S FIRED.

I TOLD YOU.

HE SAID I WAS INCOMPETENT.

YOU'RE NOT INCOMPETENT.

JUST UNEMPLOYED.

I FEEL LIKE
MY LUCK IS GONNA CHANGE.

THAT SOMETHING...
SOMETHING TERRIFIC'S
GONNA HAPPEN TO ME.

♪ SOMETHING'S COMIN',
SOMETHING GOOD ♪

ANOTHER GOOD MAN WAS...

WHERE'S MY SHIRT?
I GOT A CHILL.

OH, RIGHT HERE, PA,
I JUST FINISHED PRESSING IT.

MAKE SURE
YOU BUTTON IT DOWN GOOD.

OK, TUCK IT IN.

TOM, DON'T NIBBLE IN MY EAR.

YOU CAN NIBBLE ON
THE OUTSIDE OF MY EAR,

OR ON MY EAR,

BUT WHEN YOU NIBBLE
IN MY EAR, I CAN'T HEAR.

MARY.

OH, TOM, I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY. I LOVE YOU.

I JUST CAN'T STOP THINKING
ABOUT SGT. FOLEY.

SGT. FOLEY?

AT THE CAPRI LOUNGE.

HUH, WHAT IS THIS?

WHAT, ARE YOU ATTRACTED
TO HIM? HUH?

HE TOUCHED MY CHEEK.

ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME
THAT SOMETHING'S GOING ON
BETWEEN YOU AND SGT. FOLEY?

I DON'T THINK SO.

I MEAN, I DIDN'T EVEN
RECOGNIZE HIM AT FIRST

WITHOUT HIS UNIFORM.

BUT THEN HE RECOGNIZED ME
AND THEN I RECOGNIZED HIM.

WELL, WHERE WAS I?

YOU'D GONE OUT FOR THE CAR.

I THINK HE JUST WANTED
TO TELL ME ABOUT HEATHER.

ABOUT HEATHER?

YEAH. HEATHER AND
THE LOMBARDI MURDERS.

THE POLICE WANT
TO TALK TO HER, TOM.

ABOUT THE LOMBARDI MURDERS?

I THINK WE BETTER
CHECK ON HER RIGHT NOW.

WHY?

I DON'T KNOW.
YOU THINK WE SHOULDN'T?

MARY...
MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T.

MARY, YOU'RE ACTING
REALLY WEIRD.

OK, THEN WE WON'T.

BUT IT'S TURNING ME ON
SOMEHOW.

I DON'T KNOW WHY.
MAYBE IT'S THE...

TOM. I'LL GET THE PHONE
AND YOU CHECK ON HEATHER, OK?

HELLO?

MRS. HARTMAN?

UH,

IS THIS GONNA BE
GOOD NEWS OR BAD NEWS?

YOU GOT A KID
NAMED HEATHER?

HEATHER WHO?

THE ONE WHO KNEW
THE LOMBARDIS.

IS THIS A DIAL-A-JOKE?
WHO IS THIS?

JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE
I DIDN'T HAVE THE WRONG ONE.

SO HEATHER'S FINE.

SO WHO WAS THAT
ON THE PHONE?

HEATHER.
HUH?

IT WAS ABOUT HEATHER.

WHAT ABOUT HEATHER?
WHO WAS IT?
WAS THAT SGT. FOLEY? HUH?

I... I DON'T THINK SO.
OR COULD... COULD IT BE...

WOULD HE DO THAT KIND
OF A DISGUISE LIKE THAT
TO SCARE ME?

IS THAT A...
IS THAT A COP TECHNIQUE?

ALL RIGHT, MARY,
WHO WAS ON THE PHONE?
WHO WAS IT?

ARE YOU GETTING
ANGRY WITH ME?

OF COURSE I'M GETTING ANGRY!
WHO WAS ON THE PHONE?

TOM, WE'RE NOT COMMUNICATING.

MARY, WILL YOU PLEASE TELL ME
WHO THE PERSON ON
THE PHONE WAS?

WHO WAS IT?

HE WANTED TO KNOW
IF I HAD A KID NAMED HEATHER

AND DID SHE KNOW
THE LOMBARDI KIDS

AND HE WANTED TO MAKE SURE
HE HAD THE RIGHT ONE.

OH, HONEY, COME ON.

HEY, HEY, HEY,
HEY, HEY.

HEY, HEY, HEY,
HEY, HEY, HEY, NOW,
STOP, STOP, STOP.

YOU KNOW WHO THAT WAS?
HUH? YOU KNOW WHO?

IT WAS SGT. FOLEY
WITH A COP TECHNIQUE?

NO.

IT WAS A KID.

IT WAS A KID JUST
PLAYIN' SOME KIND OF CRANK,
THAT'S WHO IT WAS.

DO YOU REALLY THINK SO?
YES.

NO.
YES.

NO, IT...

MMM-HMM, YES, IT WAS.

A KID PLAYING A PRANK?

YES!

OH, TOM.

OH, I'M SO RELIEVED.

OH, I'M SO RELIEVED.
YEAH.

NOW LOOK,
I JUST... I JUST WANT YOU
TO RELAX NOW, OK?

YEAH.
I JUST WANT YOU
TO UNWIND. ALL RIGHT?

HOW CAN I UNWIND WHEN
MY KID IS IN TROUBLE?

HONEY, WILL YOU DO ME
A FAVOR? NOW LOOK.

HEATHER IS FINE,
I JUST CHECKED ON HER, OK?

AND THAT VOICE ON THE PHONE
WAS JUST SOME KIND OF...

SOME KIND OF JOKER,
ALL RIGHT?

AND SGT. FOLEY WAS JUST
TALKIN' THROUGH HIS BADGE.

YOU KNOW WHAT? HE'D SAY
ANYTHING TO GET NEAR YOU,
YOU KNOW THAT?

AND I DON'T BLAME HIM.

I DON'T BLAME HIM AT ALL.

SO WILL YOU BELIEVE ME? HUH?

WILL YOU BELIEVE ME
AND JUST UNWIND?

MMM?

OK, I BELIEVE YOU.

MMM.

ARE YOU UNWOUND?

YEAH, I'M ALMOST UNWOUND.

LET'S JUST YOU AND I
UNWIND THE REST OF
THE WAY TOGETHER, OK?

OK.

UNLESS, UH...

WHAT?

WELL, I'M NOT SURE, BUT...

I THINK I'M LOSING
MY MOMENTUM.

OH, TOM, NO. NO.

COME ON, PLEASE DON'T
LOSE YOUR MOMENTUM.

HOW ABOUT A SHOWER?

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
A NICE, LONG, COLD SHOWER?

COLD SHOWER?
YOU THINK THAT'LL DO IT,
HUH?

YEAH.
COLD SHOWER?

OH, NO, A HOT SHOWER.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT?

WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS IT?

A COLD SHOWER
OR A HOT SHOWER?

A COLD SHOWER,
THAT COOLS YOU OFF,
DOESN'T IT?

I THINK SO.

WELL, IT'S A HOT SHOWER.

A HOT SHOWER? GOOD.

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
A NICE, LONG, HOT SHOWER?

YEAH, I THINK I WILL.
I THINK I'LL TAKE
A NICE, LONG, HOT SHOWER.

THE ONLY TROUBLE IS...
WHAT?

WELL, I'M JUST, I'M... I'M
NOT QUITE IN THE MOOD
FOR A LONG, HOT SHOWER.

WELL, WHY DON'T
I TAKE ONE WITH YOU?

I'M IN THE MOOD
FOR A BATH.

YOU'RE IN THE MOOD
FOR A BATH?

OH, HONEY,
COME ON, I'M SORRY.

IF YOU REALLY WANT TO,

WE'LL TAKE A NICE, LONG,
HOT SHOWER TOGETHER.

WE WILL?
YEAH, WE WILL.

REALLY?
YEAH.

OH, TOM, IT'D BE FUN!

WE HAVEN'T DONE IT
IN SUCH A LONG TIME.

WE HAVEN'T.
WE HAVEN'T?

DO YOU REMEMBER
THE LAST TIME WE DID IT?

IT WAS WHEN WE GAVE
HEATHER'S CRIB AWAY.

YOU REMEMBER THAT DAY?
'CAUSE I DO.

OH, YEAH?
WE GAVE HEATHER'S CRIB AWAY

AND WE DECIDED TO
TAKE A NICE LONG,

HOT SHOWER TOGETHER,

AND YOU SAID TO ME:

"HEY MARY, THIS IS FUN."

YEAH.

THAT WAS 11 YEARS AGO.

YEAH, AND YOU HAVEN'T
MISSED IT IN 11 YEARS?

I DIDN'T SAY
I HADN'T MISSED IT.

WELL, YOU HAVEN'T
MENTIONED IT.

WELL, NEITHER HAVE YOU!

I JUST DID.

YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU JUST DID, DIDN'T YOU?

YES.

HEY, YOU REMEMBER,
REMEMBER THIS SONG?

WHAT?

♪ PLAYMATE ♪

OH.

♪ COME OUT
AND PLAY WITH ME ♪

SHOWER SONG.

♪ AND CLIMB
MY CHERRY TREE ♪

TOM, I HATE THAT SONG.

♪ CLIMB DOWN
MY RAIN BARREL ♪

TOM, I REALLY
HATE THAT SONG.

♪ PLAYMATE, COME OUT
AND PLAY WITH ME ♪

TOM, PLEASE DON'T
SING THAT SONG,

I HATE THAT SONG.

♪ AND CLIMB
MY CHERRY TREE ♪

TOM, IT'S REALLY
EMBARRASSING.

♪ CLIMB DOWN
MY RAIN BARREL ♪

I HATE THAT SONG.
STOP!

♪ CLIMB DOWN MY CHERRY TREE ♪

♪ AND WE'LL BE PLAYMATES ♪

YOU DIDN'T TOUCH
YOUR EGGS.

I DIDN'T WANT EGGS.

TOM, THIS IS A SUBSTITUTE EGG.

IT'S CHOLESTEROL FREE.

I SHOULD'VE FIXED PANCAKES,
HUH? I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE.

I DIDN'T WANT PANCAKES, MARY.

HUNGRY JACK,
EXTRA LIGHT PANCAKES, TOM?

HMM?

DO YOU KNOW THAT
POP TARTS ARE NOT THAT GOOD
FOR OUR TEETH?

I DIDN'T WANT ANYTHING.
EVEN A POP TART?

I DON'T WANT ANYTHING.

YOU DON'T WANT ANYTHING?

YOU DON'T WANT ANYTHING
FOR BREAKFAST?

IT'S THE COFFEE, ISN'T IT?

BAD COFFEE JUST WILL
KILL ANYTHING, WON'T IT?

WHAT AM I GONNA DO
ABOUT MY COFFEE?

I HAVE TRIED
EVERY TYPE OF COFFEE.

I'VE TRIED DRIP,
I'VE TRIED GRIND,

I'VE TRIED...

I'M JUST NOT HUNGRY.

ARE YOU NOT HUNGRY?

TOM, YOU HAVE TO KEEP UP
YOUR STRENGTH.

WHY?

WORK.

THIS IS SATURDAY.
I DON'T WORK ON SATURDAYS.

OH. YEAH.

THAT'S RIGHT.

SO, WHAT ARE WE
GONNA DO TODAY, TOM?

I'M GOING TO
THE HARDWARE STORE.

I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD GO
TO THE HARDWARE STORE
ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.

ALL RIGHT, MARY,
WILL YOU STOP IT, PLEASE?
STOP IT?

JUST STOP IT, THIS IS WORSE
THAN IF YOU JUST SAID IT.
JUST WORSE!

SAID WHAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT!

NO, I DON'T.

TOM, I LOVE YOU.

VERY MUCH.

THAT IS
THE WORST POSSIBLE THING

YOU COULD'VE SAID AT
THIS MOMENT. THE WORST.

TOM, YOU DID TRY. YOU TRIED.

YOU JUST CAN'T SPEND
THAT MUCH TIME
IN A HOT SHOWER.

I NEED A DOLLAR
FOR TAP CLASS.

A DOLLAR?
ISN'T THAT A LOT?

JUST GIVE ME.
OK.

SHE'S NOT A HAPPY CHILD.

GOOD MORNING, MARY.

GRANDPA, HI.

I DIDN'T HAVE
NOTHIN' TO DO,

SO I THOUGHT I'D COME
OVER HERE AND DO IT.

YOU WANT SOME COFFEE?

NO, I'D LIKE SOME BREAKFAST.

THEY FORGOT TO GIVE ME
ANY OVER THERE.

OH, WELL,
HOW ABOUT SOME, UH,

DOWNY FLAKE
BLUEBERRY WAFFLES?

SOUND GOOD?

MY ONLY PROBLEM TODAY
IS TRYING TO DECIDE

WHETHER TO GO TO A PARK
AND PLAY CHECKERS

OR TO GO DOWN TO THE SAFEWAY
AND WATCH THEM UNLOAD MELON.

SOMETIMES THEY DROP ONE.

MARY! WELL, WHAT HAPPENED
LAST NIGHT?

YEAH, HOW'D IT GO?

OH, HI, GRANDPA!

I THINK I'LL GO DOWN
AND WATCH THE MELONS.

THAT'S GOT MORE SUSPENSE
THAN THE CHECKERS.

UH, WITHOUT YOUR BREAKFAST?

MARY, IT'S NOON.
WHO EATS BREAKFAST AT NOON?

BYE, GRANDPA.

WELL, WELL, TELL US.
WHAT HAPPENED?
WHAT HAPPENED?

OH, I LOVED YOUR SHOW.

OH, THANK YOU.
BUT YOU LEFT. I HOPE
THERE WASN'T NO PROBLEM.

NO, NO.

THEN EVERYTHING
TURNED OUT OK?

YEAH. UH, YOU WANT
SOME COFFEE?
I'M TRYING DRIP.

OK, MARY! HERE I AM!
TODAY'S THE BIG DAY!

OH, MORE RECRUITS. GOOD.

THAT'S FOR YOU.

WHAT IN HEAVEN'S NAME
IS ALL THIS STUFF?

PICKET SIGNS.

MARY'S THE PICKET CAPTAIN
FOR THIS BLOCK.

OK, NOW, WE RENDEZVOUS
OUTSIDE THE FEDERATED.

YOU DID REMEMBER?

WHICH ONE IS THIS FOR?

F.A.T.S.O.

FERNWOOD ASSOCIATION
TO STOP OVERPRICING.

WE ARE GONNA CLOSE
EVERY MARKET IN THIS CITY.

BUT BLANCHE,
THEN HOW ARE PEOPLE
SUPPOSED TO BUY FOOD?

THEY'RE NOT.
THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.

NOW, LOOK, LORETTA,
YOU'RE A HOMEMAKER.
I EXPECT YOU TO JOIN TOO.

WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M MORE
OF AN ENTERTAINER, BLANCHE.

YEAH? WELL, ANYBODY WHO EATS,
QUALIFIES.

I KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE
ARE GONNA STARVE,

BUT IF THAT'S WHAT
IT'S GONNA TAKE
TO MAKE OUR POINT...

31 CENTS? ARE YOU CRAZY?
OH, EXCUSE ME.

UH, HELLO?

MISS HARTMAN.
THIS IS THE LIBRARY.

YOU ARE?

WELL, I'M MRS. DELORIAN
AT THE LIBRARY.

WE HAVE THOSE BOOKS
YOU ORDERED.

MARY, WHO IS IT?
UH, I DON'T KNOW,
IT'S... IT'S SOMEONE.

UH, YES?

THOSE TITLES WOULD BE,

SEX AND THE FEMALE RESPONSE,

YOU AND YOUR CLIMAX,

343 WAYS TO IMPROVE
YOUR MARRIAGE,

AND

IT'S YOUR BODY, DO IT,
A GUIDE TO EROTIC PLEASURES.

MISS HARTMAN, THESE ARE
THE BOOKS YOU ORDERED?

OH, UH, YES,
AND, UM, I'LL TELL HER.

UH, YOU ARE MISS MARY HARTMAN
AT 343, BRATNER STREET?

UH, YES, THAT'S RIGHT,

AND THAT HAPPENS
TO BE HER FAVORITE COLOR.

MISS HARTMAN,
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU.

YOU KNOW, I TOOK
A VERY LONG SHOWER LAST NIGHT

AND I WOKE UP WITH A REAL
BAD HEADACHE THIS MORNING.

SO I TOOK
A COUPLE OF ASPIRIN...