Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman (1976–1977): Season 1, Episode 3 - Episode #1.3 - full transcript

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it - foodval.com
---
MARY HARTMAN! MARY HARTMAN!

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND
MY GOING ON WITH DINNER

WHILE WE TALK,
MR. CLEMENS.

BUT I'M NOT
A REAL GOOD COOK,

SO IT TAKES ME
A LONG TIME.

NO, MRS. HARTMAN,
NOT AT ALL.

SEE, TOM LIKES TO HAVE DINNER
HOT ON THE TABLE

WHEN HE GETS HOME FROM WORK.

I MEAN, HE DOESN'T
EAT IT IMMEDIATELY.

HE GOES INTO THE NEXT ROOM,

CHANGE HIS SHOES,
HE KISSES ME HELLO,



AND THEN HE HAS A SCHLITZ.

AND BY THE TIME
HE FINISHES HIS SCHLITZ,

HIS DINNER IS COOL ENOUGH
FOR HIM TO EAT

WITHOUT BURNING HIS TONGUE.

THAT SOUNDS NICE.

YEAH, IT IS NICE.

I'D OFFER YOU A SCHLITZ,
BUT I DIDN'T GET THE TIME

TO GO TO THE MARKET TODAY,
YOU KNOW.

OH, ACTUALLY,
THERE IS A SCHLITZ IN HERE,

BUT YOU CAN'T HAVE IT.

UH, SORRY,
I HAVE TO SAVE IT FOR TOM.

IT'S, UH, IT'S ALL RIGHT,
MRS. HARTMAN.
I, UH, HATE BEER.

OH, WELL, I GUESS
THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
WRITING ARTICLES

AND WORKING
ON AN ASSEMBLY LINE. THIRST.



UH, YEAH.

UH, T-TELL ME,
MRS. HARTMAN, UM,

DO YOU KNOW THE LOMBARDIS?

UH, NO,
I DIDN'T KNOW THEM THAT WELL.

YOU KNOW, THEY ONLY
LIVED IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
A REAL SHORT TIME.

I SAW MRS. LOMBARDI
IN THE MARKET
A COUPLE OF TIMES

BUT WE NEVER SEEMED
TO BE SHOPPING
IN THE SAME SECTION.

I'M USUALLY IN FROZEN FOODS.

THAT CERTAINLY WAS
A TERRIBLE TRAGEDY,

THOSE MURDERS.

YEAH, THEY CERTAINLY WERE.
MMM. WERE WHAT?

A... A TERRIBLE TA... TRAGEDY.

OH, YEAH, TERRIBLE.
OH, AND SENSELESS, TOO.
I MEAN,

YOU KNOW, MURDER
WITH NO REASON OR NO MOTIVE.

I MEAN, REALLY SENSELESS
WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

DO YOU THINK
THIS IS TOO SPICY
OR NOT SPICY ENOUGH?

NOT SPICY ENOUGH.

OF COURSE, THERE COULD BE
ANY NUMBER OF
PSYCHOLOGICAL REASONS WHY.

MMM-HMM.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK IT NEEDS?

UH, WHAT DO YOU HAVE?

I HAVE, UH, SALT AND PEPPER.

OH, UH, PEPPER.
PEPPER?

SEE, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN
VERY INTERESTED
IN PSYCHOLOGY.

TOM HATES PEPPER

BLESS YOU.

SEE, I SENT AWAY
FOR A BOOK ON PSYCHOLOGY ONCE.

IT WAS GUARANTEED TO IMPROVE
YOUR EMOTIONAL HEALTH.

I THOUGHT
IT WAS A WONDERFUL BOOK.

MAYBE YOU READ IT.

UH, WHAT WAS THE NAME OF IT?

OH, I DON'T REMEMBER.

BUT IT WAS A WONDERFUL BOOK.

NO, I DIDN'T READ IT.
NO?

OH. WELL, IT WAS
GUARANTEED TO IMPROVE
MY EMOTIONAL HEALTH.

THANKS.

DID IT IMPROVE
YOUR EMOTIONAL HEALTH?

I THINK SO.
I DEFINITELY THINK SO.

YOU SEE, IT WAS WHILE
I WAS READING THAT BOOK

THAT I REALIZED THAT
I NEEDED GLASSES.

AND THAT MADE ME FEEL
MUCH BETTER.

HUH, WELL,
THAT'S... THAT'S MORE THAN
MOST PEOPLE CAN SAY.

MMM-HMM.

TELL ME, MRS. HARTMAN,
UH, HOW LONG HAVE
YOU BEEN MARRIED?

UM,

14 YEARS.

BUT I'VE KNOWN TOM
SINCE HIGH SCHOOL.

AH. DID YOU "GO STEADY",
AS THEY SAY?

WELL, UH, YOU KNOW,
NOT TILL SENIOR YEAR.

TOM WAS KIND OF, UH, SHY.

YOU WANNA HEAR
ABOUT THE FIRST TIME
HE EVER SPOKE TO ME?

IT'S A HILARIOUS STORY.

YEAH.
OK.

WELL, I'M GETTING A DRINK
FROM THE WATER FOUNTAIN

IN THE HALLWAY
AFTER STUDY HALL.

SO I'M BENDING OVER
GETTING MY DRINK, RIGHT?

UH-HUH.

ALL OF A SUDDEN,
THIS HAND COMES

FROM OUT OF NOWHERE

AND TURNS THE KNOB
WAY UP HIGH.

NOW, ISN'T THAT HILARIOUS?

NO, SEE, WHAT HAPPENED IS
THE WATER WENT UP

INTO MY NOSTRILS.

YOU KNOW, I MEAN,
IT WENT WAY UP

INTO MY NOSTRILS.

YOU KNOW, I STARTED
CHOKING AND COUGHING

AND TOM SAID,

"OH, SORRY."

ISN'T THAT HILARIOUS?

OH, GOD.
OH. BOY.

YOU KNOW, SEE, SO,
IT WAS RIGHT AFTER THAT

THAT I ALWAYS USED TO SEE HIM
LOOKING AT ME ALL THE TIME.

YEAH, I'M NOT
AT ALL SURPRISED.

I'M SURE YOU WERE
VERY ATTRACTIVE.

REALLY?

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK
HAPPENED TO ME?

UH, N-NOTHING. OH,
YOU'RE... YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE NOW.

WELL, WELL,
HELLO, THERE.

HEATHER!

HEATHER!

THIS IS MR. CLEMENS.

HOW DO YOU DO, HEATHER?

HI.

HUNGRY, HONEY?

NOPE. WE WENT TO THE DANCE
AND ATE M&M's.

OH, M&M's DON'T
FILL YOU UP, SILLY.

4 BOXES DO.

HEATHER'S ONE OF
THE REAL ACHIEVERS
IN HER CLASS.

WE THINK THAT
SHE'S SURE TO WIN

THE ROTARY CLUB AWARD
WHEN SHE GRADUATES.

THAT'S FOR GOOD CITIZENSHIP
AND POSTURE.

AH, MY, MY, HOW NICE.

YEAH. OH, WE'RE SURE OF IT.
JUST SURE OF IT.

MR. CLEMENS
IS WRITING AN ARTICLE, UM,

ABOUT THE LOMBARDI MURDERS,
HEATHER.

HEATHER?

ISN'T THAT INTERESTING, DEAR?

I DON'T KNOW.

COULD YOU SIT UP
A LITTLE STRAIGHTER

WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW, DEAR?

UH, HEATHER,
I... I UNDERSTAND THAT

YOU KNEW
THE YOUNGEST LOMBARDI GIRL
QUITE WELL.

HARDLY KNEW HER.

REALLY?

YEAH. SAW HER
IN SCHOOL SOMETIMES.

YOU NEVER WENT OVER
TO HER HOUSE?

I GOT CRAMPS.

WHAT?

WHICH KIND?

WELL, MAYBE...
MAYBE I SHOULD GO.

THE BEST THING
TO DO... NO.

IS GO TO YOUR ROOM

AND YOU SHOULD LIE DOWN.
OK? COME ON.

EVERYTHING'S GONNA
BE ALL RIGHT.

WELL...
WELL...

THEY SURE DO GROW UP FAST,
DON'T THEY?

I MEAN, WHY,
IT SEEMS LIKE JUST YESTERDAY

SHE NEVER COULD
HAVE HAD CRAMPS.

YOU KNOW, I-I'D REALLY
LIKE TO TALK TO HER

SOME MORE ABOUT THE LOMBARDIS.

OH, SURE.
OH, SHE'LL BE FINE IN, UH,

A NUMBER OF DAYS.

OH.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT.

I CAN'T TELL YOU
WHAT ALL THAT APPLAUSE DOES

FOR A LITTLE OLD COUNTRY GIRL
LIKE MYSELF.

AND, WELL, THAT'S
JUST WHAT I AM,
A LITTLE OLD COUNTRY GIRL.

AND I GET THE FEELING
THERE'S A LITTLE BIT COUNTRY

IN ALL YOU NICE FOLKS.
AM I RIGHT? HUH? AM I RIGHT?

YOU KNOW,
I'VE AN UNCLE BACK HOME...
HI, HONEY.

OH, HI, BABY BOY!
HOW ARE YOU?

I WAS JUST REHEARSIN'.

IT'S JUST
THE PICK-ME-UP I NEED.

YOU GO ON AHEAD NOW.

OH, CHARLIE, YOU'VE HEARD
THIS A HUNDRED TIMES.

THAT AIN'T ENOUGH.

YOUR SINGIN'
IS MY SOUL FOOD, LORETTA.

OH, I LOVE YOU MORE
THAN A HUNDRED BILLION
FROZEN MILKY WAYS.

OK, NOW, LET'S SEE
WHERE I WAS. OH, YEAH.

UM, I GOT AN UNCLE BACK HOME,
OLD UNCLE LUKE. GOOD OLD BOY.

DIDN'T HAVE MUCH SCHOOLIN'
BUT THERE ARE SOME THINGS

YOU DON'T HAVE
TO GO TO SCHOOL TO LEARN.
AM I RIGHT?

AND OLD UNCLE LUKE,
HE USED TO ALWAYS TELL ME,

HE'D SAY,
"LORETTA, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO BE FROM THE COUNTRY

TO HAVE
THE COUNTRY IN YOUR HEART."

I LOVE YOU ALL. I REALLY DO

AND RIGHT NOW,
I'D LIKE TO SING

FOR MY NEXT SONG,
A LITTLE OLD SONG
I WROTE MYSELF.

IT IS KIND OF A LOVE SONG.
I SURE HOPE YOU LIKE IT.

AND IT GOES
SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

♪ WELL, IT FEELS SO GOOD
WHEN YOU FEEL ME ♪

♪ IT MAKES ME WRIGGLE
AND SIGH ♪

♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ OH, WELL, IT FEELS SO GOOD
WHEN YOU FEEL ME, YEAH ♪

♪ THAT I'M JUST LIKE TO DIE ♪

♪ OH, YOU REALLY KNOW
HOW TO TOUCH ME ♪

♪ YOU KNOW HOW
TO MAKE ME FLIP ♪

♪

♪ AND WHEN YOU LET
THEM FINGERS TRAVEL,
OH, DADDY ♪

♪ I REALLY,
OH, I LIKE THE TRIP ♪

♪

THANK YOU,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I'M GLAD
YOU ALL ENJOYED THAT.

I GUESS,
EVERYBODY LOVES A LOVE SONG,
DON'T THEY?

'CAUSE AFTER ALL,

IT'S LOVE THAT MAKES
THE WORLD GO ROUND,
AM I RIGHT?

YOU ARE RIGHT.

OH, CHARLIE,
YOU MAKE ME FEEL BIGGER
THAN JANIS JOPLIN.

WHEN SHE WAS ALIVE THAT IS.

OH, HONEY.

I BETTER SIT DOWN AGAIN
BEFORE I KEEL
RIGHT OVER ON MY FACE.

OH, BABY BOY,
ARE YOU TIRED?

YOU KNOW, HONEY,
YOU DO LOOK A LITTLE POOPED.

MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T WORK
2 SHIFTS TONIGHT.

DON'T GO BACK
TO THE NIGHT SHIFT. OK?

HOW DID THINGS GO
THIS AFTERNOON?

YOU GET THE ACT ALL SET?

MMM-HMM. JUST ABOUT.

EXCEPT, I CAN'T
MAKE UP MY MIND
WHETHER TO FINISH WITH

BEHIND CLOSED DOORS OR
WHEN YOU'RE LOOKIN' AT ME
YOU'RE LOOKIN' AT COUNTRY.

NOW, I LIKE
WHEN YOU'RE LOOKIN' AT ME
YOU'RE LOOKIN' AT COUNTRY

EXCEPT THAT
IT IS LORETTA LYNN'S SONG,
YOU KNOW.

AND MAYBE,
I OUGHT TO HAVE MY OWN IMAGE.

YEAH, I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.

BETTER DO
BEHIND CLOSED DOORS.

YEAH.

ON THE OTHER HAND,
WHEN YOU'RE LOOKING AT ME
YOU'RE LOOKING' AT COUNTRY

IS GOOD AND LOUD
AND IT MIGHT BE BETTER
FOR THE CAPRI LOUNGE

'CAUSE IT COULD
DROWN OUT THE SOUND
OF THE BOWLING BALLS.

GEE, THAT'S A THOUGHT.

MAYBE, YOU BETTER DO
WHEN YOU'RE LOOKIN' AT ME
YOU ARE LOOKIN' AT COUNTRY.

WHATEVER YOU SAY,
BABY BOY.

GEE, YOU SURE LOOK
PRETTY TODAY.

OH, WELL, YOU WANT TO DO
SOMETHING ABOUT IT?

OH, HONEY, DON'T TEMPT ME

OR I'LL NEVER MAKE
THAT NIGHT SHIFT.

WELL, I'LL STAY AWAKE
TILL YOU GET HOME.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

BUT I WANT TO.

ANYWAY, IF I FALL ASLEEP
YOU WAKE ME, YOU HEAR?

I HEAR. I ONLY HOPE
I'M NOT TOO TIRED.

OH, GUESS WHO WAS HERE TODAY?
WHO?

THIS REPORTER
FROM THE FERNWOOD COURIER.

HE INTERVIEWED ME
ABOUT THEM MASS MURDERS.

WHY DID HE WANT
TO INTERVIEW YOU?

YOU HARDLY KNEW THE LOMBARDIS
EXCEPT TO SAY "HOWDY" TO.

WELL, SEE,
HE'S WRITIN' A STORY
FOR THE SUNDAY PAPER

YOU KNOW, ABOUT PEOPLE
IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
AND EVERYTHING.

IT'S GONNA BE
A SOCIAL STUDY, SEE.

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS SOCIAL
ABOUT MURDERIN'

5 PEOPLE, 8 CHICKENS
AND 2 GOATS?

HONEY, IT'S NOT
THAT KIND OF SOCIAL.

SEE, IT'S INTERESTIN'
TO PEOPLE WHO READ
THEM SUNDAY STORIES

ABOUT HOW WHEN A WHOLE FAMILY
GETS SLAUGHTERED

THE REST OF THE PEOPLE
IN THE TOWN, YOU KNOW,

HOW THEY ARE AFFECTED BY IT
AND EVERYTHING.

WHICH IS WHY HE SPENT
MORE THAN 40 MINUTES
INTERVIEWIN' ME.

SEE, WHEN THAT STORY
COMES OUT,

IT'S GONNA BE SOME PUBLICITY
FOR MY CAREER.

OH, HEY, YEAH,
I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT.

EXCEPT THERE WAS
ONE THING HE SAID
THAT KIND OF BOTHERED ME.

WHAT?

HE SAID THAT HEATHER
HAD BEEN SEEN OVER
AT THE LOMBARDI HOUSE

THE VERY SAME DAY
THEY WAS ALL MURDERED.

THEM AND THE GOATS
AND THE CHICKENS.

HEATHER HARTMAN?
TOM AND MARY'S DAUGHTER?

MMM-HMM.
LITTLE BIRDIE-LEGGED HEATHER.

WELL, YOU DON'T THINK
SHE HAD ANYTHING TO DO

WITH THAT AWFUL TRAGEDY,
DO YOU?

OH, SHOOT, NO! HEATHER?

I SPENT SOME TIME
WITH THAT YOUNG LADY.
SHE LOVES ANIMALS.

♪ IT WAS FASCINATION,
I KNOW ♪

♪

OH, HELLO.

YOU LOOK BETTER!

ARE YOU HAPPY WITH US?

OH, I HOPE SO.

HELLO, CATHY.
HELLO, MOTHER.

DID YOU GO TO YOUR
HAIRDRESSING CLASS TODAY?

YES. I WENT TO
MY HAIRDRESSING CLASS TODAY.

GOOD!
DID THEY RECOGNIZE YOU?

UH, PEEL THE POTATOES.

AFTER STAYIN' OUT ALL NIGHT

I DON'T KNOW
HOW YOU MANAGED TO STAY AWAKE
IN YOUR CLASS TODAY.

YOU MUST HAVE BEEN
DEAD TIRED.

I WASN'T OUT ALL NIGHT.

WELL, WHEN A PERSON
DOESN'T COME IN UNTIL
8:30 IN THE MORNING,

I CALL THAT
STAYIN' OUT ALL NIGHT.

YOU KNOW WHERE I WAS.

DO I?

I TOLD YOU I STAYED
OVER MARY'S HOUSE.

WHAT'S SO WRONG
ABOUT SLEEPIN' OVER
AT MY OWN SISTER'S HOUSE?

WELL, NOT IF
THAT'S WHERE YOU WERE.

WHY ARE YOU
SO SUSPICIOUS OF ME?

I MEAN,
JUST BECAUSE I GO OUT
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.

ONCE IN A WHILE?
CATHY, YOU COULDN'T SPEND

LESS TIME IN THIS HOUSE
IF IT WAS ON FIRE.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
STAY HOME AND CROCHET?

I'M A... I'M A NORMAL,
HEALTHY GIRL.

HEALTHY, YES.
NORMAL, I'M NOT SO SURE.

OH, HELLO, DADDY.

HELLO, SWEETHEART.

HI, KING.
HELLO, PRINCESS.

SIT DOWN.
I'LL GET YOU A ROOT BEER.

GOOD, GOOD.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO
ABOUT GRANDPA LARKIN?

CATHY, WHAT KIND OF A WAY
IS THAT TO PEEL POTATOES?

YOU CUT OFF
MORE THAN YOU LEFT.

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I PAY
A POUND FOR POTATOES?

MARTHA,
I ASKED YOU A QUESTION.

WELL, I ASKED YOU
A QUESTION.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I PAY
FOR A POUND OF POTATOES?

YOU DIDN'T ASK HIM THAT.
YOU ASKED ME THAT.

OH, NOW, I DON'T WANNA
HEAR FROM YOU.

THEN WHY DID YOU ASK ME
ABOUT THE POTATOES?

I DON'T WANNA HEAR
ABOUT POTATOES.

I WANNA TALK
ABOUT GRANDPA LARKIN.

GEORGE, THERE IS
NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT.

I AM NOT GONNA
PUT MY FATHER

IN AN OLD FOLKS' HOME.
NOW, THAT IS SETTLED!

HE MADE ONE LITTLE MISTAKE.
MAYBE.

MAYBE, MY FOOT!

HE COMMITTED
AN INDECENT EXPOSURE

IN A PUBLIC SCHOOL PLAYGROUND.

THAT'S NOT ONE LITTLE MISTAKE.

LISTEN, GEORGE!

EVERYBODY IS ENTITLED
TO A 2ND CHANCE.

NOW, IF THE JUDGE CAN PUT HIM
ON PROBATION TOMORROW,
WHY CAN'T WE?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

IF THE LAW DOESN'T
TAKE HIM IN,
I'LL GIVE HIM ONE MORE WEEK.

BUT AFTER THAT, IT'S... GONE.

WELL, THERE WON'T BE
ANY MORE TROUBLE. YOU'LL SEE.

YEAH, WE'LL SEE.

WHERE IS HE NOW?

HE'S UPSTAIRS.
TAKIN' HIS NAP.

I HOPE YOU LOCKED THE DOOR.

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

I AM JUST GETTIN' READY
FOR BED.

WELL, YOU LOOK AWFUL CUTE
DOIN' IT.

I DO?
YEAH.

THAT'S THE FIRST TIME
YOU'VE SAID ANYTHING
LIKE THAT IN SO LONG.

YOU REALLY MEAN THAT?
WELL, OF COURSE, I DO.

LOOK, JUST BECAUSE
IT'S THE FIRST TIME
I'VE SAID IT,

DOESN'T MEAN
IT'S THE FIRST TIME
I... I EVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

HEY! COME ON,
WILL YOU?
TOM, REALLY?

DON'T GET SO EXCITED
JUST BECAUSE I PAID YOU
A COMPLIMENT, COME ON.

OH, I'M SORRY.
I'M TOO EAGER, HUH?

WELL, YOU KNOW, IT DOES
KIND OF GET ME OFF GUARD,
YOU KNOW?

OK. I'M JUST SO HAPPY
THAT YOU NOTICED ME.

I'LL JUST
CHANGE THE SUBJECT, OK?

OK. OK.

HEATHER'S BEEN
GETTING CRAMPS.

WHAT?

AND I THINK THEY MAY BE
THOSE KIND OF CRAMPS.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
SHE'S MY BABY.

WELL, THEN AGAIN IT COULD BE
FROM 4 BOXES OF M&Ms, BUT,

ON THE OTHER HAND,
IF THEY ARE THOSE KIND OF
"CRAMP" CRAMPS,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I MEAN IF THEY ARE REALLY
"CRAMP" CRAMPS.

OH, TOM, OUR LITTLE GIRL
IS GROWIN' UP.

YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU MEASURED GROWIN' UP
BY CRAMPS?

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

WELL, IT'S ONE OF THE WAYS.

UH-HUH.

THERE'S ANOTHER WAY, TOO.

WHAT'S THAT?

I CAN'T SAY IT.

WELL, COME ON, TELL ME.
NO, I CAN'T.

COME ON, COME ON. SAY IT.
I CAN'T.

OK, THEN DON'T SAY IT.

I'LL GIVE YOU 2 HINTS.
LIKE WHAT? WHAT?

1,
UH-HUH.

SOMETHING THEY DON'T LIKE YOU
TO DO IN SUNDAY SCHOOL

AND YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO TAKE A COLD SHOWER INSTEAD.

AND 2,
IT'S SOMETHING THAT YOU DO

TO YOURSELF BY YOURSELF.

LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.
WHAT?

IS IT SOMETHING THAT
IF YOU DO IT TOO MUCH,
YOU CAN GO BLIND?

YEAH.
NO.

YOU KNOW,
MY OLD MAN, HE TOLD ME
THAT IF I INVESTIGATED

AND INSPECTED TOO MUCH,
I'D GO BLIND. HE TOLD ME THAT.

YEAH, YEAH?
YEAH.

MY MOTHER SAID
I'D LOSE MY HEARING.

WHAT? DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?

NO, NO.

HEY, LISTEN,
CAN YOU READ THAT FOR ME?
I CAN'T SEE IT.

HEY, TOM.
WHAT?

TOM, DID YOU EVER DO IT?

WELL, YEAH, SURE.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

ME?
YEAH.

NO.

YOU NEVER DID IT?

NO. WHY? DID YOU THINK I DID?

NO.

I WISH I COULD, I JUST CAN'T.

YOU KNOW,
UNTIL WE GOT MARRIED

I... I DIDN'T KNOW
GIRLS COULD DO IT.

MARY, COULD WE PLEASE
STOP TALKING ABOUT IT
FOR A WHILE, ALL RIGHT, HMM?

THAT'S FUNNY.

THAT'S FUNNY.

I CAN'T DO IT
AND YOU CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT.

I CAN TALK ABOUT IT.
NO, I CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT.

I'M SO GLAD I'M YOUR WIFE.

MARY?

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

I, UH...

I THINK, WE KIND OF
GOT OFF THE SUBJECT,
DIDN'T WE?

DID WE?
MMM-HMM

I THOUGHT WE WERE
GOING ALL AROUND THE SUBJECT.

NOT EXACTLY THE WAY
I HAD IN MIND, YOU KNOW?

I'M GONNA GO TO SLEEP.

GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.

TOM?
HMM?

DID YOU REALLY MEAN IT
WHEN YOU SAID
I LOOK CUTE TONIGHT?

SURE I DID.

THANK YOU, GOD,
FOR SMALL FAVORS.

HELLO?

HI, MARY. THIS IS CATHY.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?
UH, ARE YOU SITTING DOWN?

WHY? WHAT'S THE MATTER?

IT'S GRANDPA.
HE DID IT AGAIN.

HE DID IT AGAIN?

ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S IT.

LOCK HIM UP,
THROW AWAY THE KEY,

I'VE GOT ENOUGH TROUBLES
WITHOUT HAVING TO WORRY

ABOUT SOME
SNEAKY OLD PREVERT.

PERVERT.

GEORGE, YOU'RE SPEAKING
OF MY FATHER!

I KNOW, I'M SPEAKING
OF YOUR FATHER!

NOW, DAD,
FATHERS CAN BE PERVERTS
AS WELL AS ANYBODY ELSE!

THERE ARE NO FLASHERS
IN MY FAMILY, MARY.
ARE THERE?

PA, PLEASE, PLEASE.
LET'S NOT HAVE AN ARGUMENT.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.
IT'S A FAMILY CRISIS.

LET'S GET THIS THING SETTLED.
I'VE GOTTA GO TO WORK
IN THE MORNING.

WE BOTH DO, TOM.
AND I'VE GOT A DATE.

CAN YOU JUST TELL ME
WHAT HAPPENED?

I MEAN, AND
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN HERE?

I MEAN,
MY FAMILY'S REALLY UPSET.

MRS. HARTMAN, UH,
YOUR GRANDFATHER
YEAH.

HAS BEEN ARRESTED
FOR THE 2ND TIME.

HE'S BEEN BOOKED TWICE.
AND NOW HE'S GOING TO HAVE TO
APPEAR IN, UH, OPEN COURT.

WHEN?
NOW.

NOW!

TONIGHT. AS SOON AS
THEY CAN GET TO HIS CASE.

NIGHT COURT'S
STILL IN SESSION.

ISN'T THERE ANYTHING
THAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT?
I'M AFRAID NOT.

WELL, I GOTTA
CALL THE PLANT.

IS, UH...
IS THAT A NEW DRESS?

OH, YES IT IS.

I JUST NEVER KNOW
WHAT TO WEAR
TO A POLICE STATION.

LOOK, EVERYBODY!
EVERY... MA! PA!

PA! CATHY!
TOM! EVERYBODY!

NOW, LOOK. EVERYTHING'S
GONNA BE ALL RIGHT

AND AFTERWARD
WE'RE ALL GONNA GO

TO THE HOUSE OF PANCAKES.

WE'RE IN JAIL
AT THE MOMENT.

I'VE CAN'T,
I'VE GOT A DATE, MARY.

IS THE JUDGE A NICE MAN?

I'M SO EMBARRASSED
THAT THIS HAPPENED, AGAIN.

JUDGE STANLEY IS USUALLY
VERY UNDERSTANDING.

WOULD YOU FOLKS LIKE
TO SIT DOWN OVER THERE?

I'LL GET YOU
SOME COFFEE.

THANK YOU.
EVERYONE PLEASE...

EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY!

DAD! MOM!
CATHY! TOM!

OH, BY THE WAY, SGT. FOLEY.
HAVE YOU MET MY FAMILY?

I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET
MY MOTHER,
THIS IS MY FATHER,

THIS IS MY HUSBAND, TOM,
MY LITTLE SISTER, CATHY.

SHE JUST INTRODUCED US
TO THE SERGEANT.

ARE YOU SURE THERE
ISN'T SOME MISTAKE HERE?

THAT, YOU KNOW, I MEAN,
ARE YOU SURE,
IT WAS GRANDPA LARKIN?

UH, NO, NO MISTAKE.
NOT ACCORDING
TO THE ARRESTING OFFICER.

UH, BLACK WITH CREAM?
YEAH.

WHERE DID HE DO IT
THIS TIME?

I MEAN, WAS IT THE SAME
AS LAST TIME?

SAME AS LAST TIME.

BUT, HE DIDN'T DO IT
IN THE, UH, PLAYGROUND.

HE DID IT
AT THE FERNWOOD
RECEIVING HOSPITAL.

I WAS WONDERING,
BECAUSE I KNOW THAT,
YOU KNOW,

THE PLAYGROUND
IS LOCKED AT NIGHT

AND I WAS JUST WONDERING,
WHAT... I DON'T...

HE CRASHED THE LUAU
FOR THE GRADUATING NURSES.

I'D NEVER SEEN HIM SO...

DO YOU THINK
THEY RESENTED IT?

WELL, WE'RE TRYING
TO GET HIM OUT.

- SERGEANT?
- YEAH?

THE OLD MAN
YOU ASKED ME ABOUT?

HIS CASE IS COMING UP NOW.

UH, THANKS. IF YOU'LL JUST
FOLLOW THE OFFICER, UH...

MARTHA, CATHY,
COME ON NOW.
COME ON NOW. COME ON.

OH, GEORGE, STOP TRYING
TO RUN EVERYTHING.

MOTHER, DADDY.

COME ON, MARY.

OH, EXCUSE ME.

UM, COULD YOU TELL ME
WHERE THE, UH, NEAREST
HOUSE OF PANCAKES IS?