Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman (1976–1977): Season 1, Episode 25 - Episode #1.25 - full transcript

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MARY HARTMAN! MARY HARTMAN!

DON'T LET THIS SCENE
CONFUSE YOU.

YOU SAW IT YESTERDAY,
YOU ARE SEEING IT AGAIN TODAY.

SOMETIMES WE REPEAT A SCENE

FOR THE PEOPLE
WHO MISSED SOMETHING
YESTERDAY.

IT'S OVER, TOM.

IT'S JUST TOO MUCH

HUMILIATION AND REJECTION.

AND I JUST CANNOT SEE

HOW MUCH MORE HUMILIATION
AND REJECTION

A PERSON CAN TAKE.



I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE.

GOD, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU,
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

OH, GOD,
YOU'RE MY WHOLE LIFE.

YOU KNOW,
IT'S THE FIRST TIME
YOU'VE TOUCHED ME

IN 8 WEEKS AND 3 DAYS.

LET'S MOVE
INTO OUR SLEEPING POSITIONS.

OK.

AREN'T YOU GONNA HAVE
A CIGARETTE, HUH?

NO, I DON'T FEEL
LIKE SMOKING.

NO? HOW COME?

I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST DON'T.

BUT, MARY,
WHEN YOU'VE ENJOYED YOURSELF,

YOU... YOU ALWAYS HAVE
A CIGARETTE.

YEAH, I KNOW.



I MEAN,
WE DID JUST ENJOY OURSELVES,
DIDN'T WE?

I MEAN, WE'VE REALLY
ENJOYED OURSELVES.

I MEAN, IT WAS DYNAMITE,
RIGHT?

HUH?
YEAH, YEAH.

LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT IT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT IT?

I MEAN,
WHY CAN'T WE TALK ABOUT IT?

I MEAN,
WASN'T IT JUST FANTASTIC
FOR YOU, HUH?

WASN'T IT?

WELL...

WELL, WHAT?

I JUST... SORRY,
I JUST COULDN'T GET MY MIND
OFF MAE.

I MEAN, WHAT, MARY,
IT WAS GOOD FOR YOU,
WASN'T IT?

THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID.
I MEAN, I'M JUST...

WELL, WHAT WAS IT THEN?
WHAT... WHAT DID YOU SAY?

DOES SHE HAVE A BETTER BODY
THAN I DO?

MARY, NEVER MIND MAE.

I CAN'T.

DOES SHE FEEL BETTER
THAN I DO, TOM?

I MEAN,
DOES SHE HAVE SOFTER SKIN?

'CAUSE YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME
LIKE I HAVE REAL SOFT SKIN.

LET... LET ME JUST ASK YOU
ONE SIMPLE QUESTION, OK?

I MEAN,
WAS IT... WAS IT OK FOR YOU?

I MEAN, I GOTTA KNOW,
THAT'S IMPORTANT.
WAS IT OK?

OH, TOM, IT WAS WONDERFUL.

I MEAN, IT WAS...

IT WAS JUST WONDERFUL,
IT'S JUST THAT...

IT WAS?

I JUST HAD MY MIND
ON OTHER THINGS

AT THE SAME TIME,
THAT'S ALL.

WELL, OK, THEN. OK.

IS MAE REALLY AS TALL
AS SHE LOOKS?

OH, MY GOD, WHO THE HELL
COULD BE CALLING
AT THIS TIME?

UH, LET ME GET IT,
LET ME GET IT.

HELLO?

HELLO, TOM, IT'S MAE.
ARE YOU BUSY?

DO YOU KNOW
WHAT TIME IT IS?

WHO IS IT?

YES, I KNOW, IT'S LATE,
I'M SORRY.

LOOK, I REALLY CAN'T TALK NOW.

WELL, IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.

UM, UH, UH, CA-CAN'T YOU
COME OVER NOW?

NO WAY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M BUSY.

WELL, UH,
WHEN CAN YOU COME OVER?

I DON'T KNOW.

UH, TOMORROW?

I DON'T KNOW.

TOM, IT... MAKE IT TOMORROW,
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.

OK, I GOTTA GO NOW.
UH, GOODBYE. BYE.

WHO WAS THAT?

MAE.

MY MAE?

YEAH.

MAE, CALLING HERE?

AT THIS HOUR OF THE NIGHT?

LOOK, MARY,
I'M BEING TOTALLY HONEST
WITH YOU.

I MEAN, I... I COULD HAVE SAID
IT WAS A WRONG NUMBER.

I COULD HAVE SAID ANYTHING,
RIGHT?

I'M JUST BEING REALLY HONEST
AND TOTALLY OUT-FRONT
WITH YOU, THAT'S ALL.

WHAT DID SHE WANT?

OH, SHE SAID,
SHE WANTS TO SEE ME,
SHE SAID IT'S REAL IMPORTANT.

SO YOU'RE GONNA SEE HER?

WELL, IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO,
I WON'T SEE HER.

NO, THAT'S OK.

WHAT DID SHE
WANNA SEE YOU FOR?

WELL, SHE SAID IT WAS...

SHE WANTED TO SEE ME
ABOUT SOMETHING SHE SAID
WAS REAL IMPORTANT.

SHE SAID IT WAS IMPORTANT?

THAT'S RIGHT.

I'M NOT GONNA ANSWER THAT.

I MEAN, I DON'T...
I DON'T WANNA TALK TO HER.

HEY.
HELLO?

UH, THIS IS MARY HARTMAN.

AND I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I AM VERY AWARE...

WHAT?

OH, NO.
WHAT?

CHARLIE? AN ACCIDENT.

WHAT?

GOD, CHARLIE, LISTEN
I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS, HUH.

HOW IS SHE?
OH, I DON'T KNOW YET,

SHE'S... SHE'S STILL
IN THE OPERATING ROOM.

HOW DID IT HAPPEN?

WE GOT HIT BY A CAR
FULL OF NUNS.

NUN, OH, MY GOD,
THAT'S AWFUL.

WHAT WERE NUNS DOING
DRIVING AROUND
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?

I DIDN'T EVEN THINK
NUNS WERE ALLOWED OUT
AT NIGHT.

I WISH SOMEBODY
WOULD COME OUT OF THERE

AND LET ME KNOW
WHAT'S HAPPENING.

OH, CHARLIE,
SHE'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

I'M SURE OF IT.
YEAH, I KNOW, I KNOW.

I KNOW,
SHE'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

OF COURSE,
SHE'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

I MEAN, I KNOW THAT.
I KNOW THAT
LIKE I KNOW MY OWN NAME

BUT THAT DOESN'T,

DOESN'T STOP ME FROM WORRYING,
DOES IT?

DOCTOR, DOCTOR,
IS SHE ALL RIGHT?

IS SHE ALL RIGHT? IS THE...
IS THE OPERATION OVER?

I NEED A CIGARETTE, PLEASE.
CIGARETTE.

UH, IF YOU GOT A CIGARETTE...
MARY'S GOT SOME, YEAH.

YOU WORK HARD,
DON'T...

UH, LISTEN, I-IT...
SHE... SHE...
I-I-IT ISN'T MENTHOL,

BUT IT DOES HAVE...
IT DOES HAVE A FILTER.

IT'S FINE.
SHE... SHE SAID THAT...

SHE SAID THAT
SHE FELT NUMB ALL OVER.

SHE SAID
SHE DIDN'T FEEL ANY PAIN,

BUT SHE DID SAY
SHE FELT NUMB ALL OVER.

IS THAT... IS THAT A...
IS THAT A BAD SIGN?

I THOUGHT THAT... THAT,
MAYBE THAT THAT MEANT...

THANK YOU.
IS SHE ALL RIGHT?

IS SHE...
DOC-DOCTOR,
CAN I SEE HER?

NOT YET,
SHE'S STILL IN RECOVERY.

DOCTOR, IS SHE ALL RIGHT?

WELL, UH, SHE HAS A CHANCE.

CHANCE? OH!

THAT'S NOT...
YOU DON'T...

SURE, SHE HAS A CHANCE.

I MEAN, YOU... YOU...
IF YOU DON'T KNOW
SHE HAS A CHANCE,

YOU DON'T KNOW
MY LORETTA.

HOW'S THE... HOW'S THE BABY?

OH, THE BABY.

SOMETHING HAPPEN TO THE BABY?

NOT EXACTLY.

W-W-WHAT EXACTLY
DOES NOT... NOT EXACTLY MEAN?

IS SHE STILL
GONNA HAVE THE BABY?

IS SHE GONNA HAVE THE BABY
OR NOT?

WELL, LOOK. ABOUT THE BABY,

I'M REALLY EMBARRASSED
ABOUT THIS.

OH, DOCTOR,
OH, PLEASE DON'T BE
EMBARRASSED ABOUT IT.

I MEAN, YOU... YOU ARE A DOCTOR.

AND WE ARE ADULTS.

I MEAN, WE KNOW
THAT LORETTA IS PREGNANT.

SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL US
ABOUT THE BABY.

SEE, I'M AFRAID
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT?

ABOUT MRS. FERGUSON.

HAGGERS, MY NAME IS HAGGERS!
HAGGERS!

WHO IS MRS. FERGUSON?
WHO IS SHE?

OH, I THOUGHT YOU KNEW HER.

UH, SHE'S A...
SHE'S A PATIENT OF MINE.

YOU SURE, YOU DON'T KNOW HER?
JOANNA FERGUSON?

I MEAN,
SHE LIVES ON ELM STREET.

OH, SHE'S BEEN
A PATIENT OF MINE FOR YEARS.

LOOK, I DON'T CARE
ABOUT ANY JOANNA FERGUSON.

OH, BUT I GOT...
BUT I GOTTA TELL YOU
ABOUT HER

UH, DOCTOR, EXCUSE ME,

BUT I REALIZE
THAT YOU ARE UNDER
A LOT OF TENSION

AND YOU KNOW THAT
IN TIMES LIKE THIS,

THERE'S A LOT OF COMMOTION
ABOUT MALPRACTICE

AND INSURANCE SUITS
AND ALL THAT.

BUT, COULD YOU PLEASE

JUST TELL CHARLIE
ABOUT HIS BABY?

WELL, THAT'S WHAT
I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU.

YOU SEE, IT'S NOT HIS BABY.

WHAT?

WELL,
ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME

THAT MY WIFE
HAS BEEN CHEATIN' ON ME?

YOU... YOU, YOU GOT...
NO, NO, NO, LOOK,

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

WELL, THEN TELL ME,
AND DON'T TELL ME

ABOUT ANY MRS. FERGUSON
'CAUSE I...

NOW, LOOK,
BUT I GOTTA TELL YOU
ABOUT MRS. FERGUSON.

WHY?

BECAUSE I SEEM TO HAVE GOTTEN
THE PREGNANCY TESTS MIXED-UP

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

IT'S MRS. FERGUSON
THAT'S HAVING THE BABY.

WHAT ABOUT MY WIFE?

YOUR WIFE JUST HAD
A FIBROID TUMOR.

HI, BABY BOY.
HI, HONEY.

WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE,

WHY DON'T YOU GET HOME
AND GET SOME SLEEP?

YOU JUST SO PLUM-TUCK-DEAD.

NO, NO, HONEY,
I'M... I'M... I'M ALL RIGHT,
I'M ALL RIGHT. I... I DON'T...

YOU'RE THE ONE
THAT NEEDS TO SLEEP.

OH, THAT'S ALL I'VE BEEN DOING
IS SLEEPING, I MEAN...

YOU KNOW,
THE STUFF THEY GAVE ME
AND EVERYTHING,

THAT CHLOROFORM
AND ALL THAT STUFF.

I JUST BEEN SLEEPING
MY GUTS OUT.

HONEY, THERE'S SOMETHING
I WANT TO TELL YOU.

OH, THERE'S SOMETHING
I WANNA TELL YOU, TOO.

I MEAN, I'VE BEEN DOING
A LOT OF THINKING AND STUFF,

YOU KNOW,
THIS BRUSH WITH DEATH
AND EVERYTHING.

OF COURSE, MOST OF IT
WAS UNDER THE ETHER,

BUT I'VE BEEN THINKING
THAT WHEN I BECOME
A SUPERSTAR,

YOU KNOW, AND THE MONEY
ALL STARTS TO ROLL IN
AND EVERYTHING,

THAT WE SHOULDN'T SPEND IT
ALL ON OURSELVES.

YOU KNOW? WE SHOULD GIVE IT
TO OTHER PEOPLE

AND SPEND IT ON CHARITY.

AND I GOT THIS REAL GOOD IDEA

THAT WE SHOULD OPEN A REFUGE

FOR UNWED, PREGNANT,
COUNTRY WESTERN SINGERS.

YOU'RE JUST TOO GOOD AND KIND.

OH, I CAN JUST SEE
THAT REFUGE NOW.

I MEAN,

I CAN JUST SEE

ALL THESE, YOU KNOW,
LITTLE TEENAGE PREGNANT GIRLS

WITH THEIR LITTLE STOMACHS
POOCHIN' OUT,

SINGIN' A 4-PART HARMONY.

"I DON'T KNOW
WHO YOUR DADDY IS

BUT ALL THE MEN I KNOW
ARE SWEET."

THAT'S AN INSPIRIN' PICTURE.

YEAH, AND

WE'LL... WE'LL NAME IT
AFTER THE BABY, YOU KNOW.

I MEAN, WE'LL HAVE
THIS BIG SIGN OUT-FRONT

AND LETTERS
THAT KINDA LOOK LIKE NOTES
AND IT'LL SAY,

"THE CHARLES HAGGERS
JUNIOR REFUGE."

I JUST KNOW
OUR BABY'S GONNA BE A BOY.

HONEY,

I GOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

WHAT?
SERIOUS.

ABOUT THE BABY.

WELL, THE BABY'S ALL RIGHT

AND I MEAN...
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

BABY'S FINE, HONEY.
BABY'S FINE.

ONLY THING IS,

MRS. FERGUSON IS HAVING IT.

MRS. FERGUSON?
WHO'S MRS. FERGUSON?

SHE'S THE WOMAN
THAT'S HAVING THE BABY.

WE CAN BOTH HAVE BABIES,
CAN'T WE?

YEAH, WELL, NOT...

NOT THIS TIME, HONEY.
NOT IN THIS CASE.

WHAT YOU HAD

IS SOMETHIN' ELSE.

WHAT?

YOU HAD A FIBROID TUMOR.

A FIBROID TUMOR?

BUT IT'S ALL RIGHT.

THE DOCTOR CALLED IT BENIGN.

BENIGN? I WANTED TO CALL IT
CHARLIE HAGGERS, JUNIOR.

OH, GREAT!

THIS IS ALL I NEEDED.

WHO IS IT?

IT'S ME, TOM.

OH, TOM.

OH, COME IN,
THE DOOR IS OPEN.

ALL RIGHT, MAE.
OK, WHAT'S THIS
ALL ABOUT, HUH?

YOU CALL ME UP
IN THE TELEPHONE,

YOU ACT LIKE
IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD.

WHAT'S THIS IMPORTANT THING
YOU HAD TO TELL ME?

YOU GOT MARY ALL UPSET
ABOUT THIS. WHAT IS IT?

WHAT IS...
WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT?

TOM...

COULD YOU HELP ME
UNJAM THIS ZIPPER?

IS THAT WHAT YOU
CALLED ME ABOUT?

MAE, I GOTTA GO TO WORK.

WELL, SO DO I. BUT I CAN'T
GET THIS ZIPPER UNJAMMED.

I CAN'T GET IT CLOSED,
I CAN'T GET THE SKIRT OFF.

HELP ME, PLEASE.
JUST HELP ME, HELP ME.

TAKE IT EASY, WILL YOU?
TAKE IT EASY. OK, OK.

OK, OK, OK, WAIT A MINUTE.
LET ME TAKE A LOOK AT IT.

ALL RIGHT, COME ON.
TELL ME WHAT IT'S
ALL ABOUT?

COME ON.
WHAT'S GOIN' ON
WITH YOU?

WELL, IT'S...

IT'S REALLY V-VERY DIFFICULT,
BUT I'LL TRY AND TELL YOU.

YEAH, OK. COME ON,
YOU CAN TELL ME.
COME ON.

WELL,

YOU REMEMBER THAT I TOLD YOU
THAT YOU WERE THE ONLY GUY

AT THE PLANT THAT I EVER,
YOU KNOW...

YEAH, I KNOW THAT
YOU EVER MADE IT WITH, RIGHT?
RIGHT.

I KNOW, YOU TOLD ME THAT.
WELL, THAT'S TRUE.

YEAH, I KNOW.
I MEAN, IT IS TRUE.

AS A MATTER OF FACT
YOU'RE THE ONLY GUY

I HAVE BEEN WITH
SINCE MY DIVORCE, PRACTICALLY.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN PRACTICALLY?

BOY, THIS IS
REALLY JAMMED.

WELL, YOU KNOW,

THE WEEK BEFORE
WE FIRST SLEPT TOGETHER,

IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY.

OH, IT WAS?
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.

OH, GEE, THANKS.

YOU KNOW WHEN A WOMAN
GETS TO BE

AS OLD AS I AM,
IT'S REALLY NICE

WHEN SOMEONE CONGRATULATES HER
ABOUT HER BIRTHDAY.

MMM-HMM.

AND I REALLY HATE
BEING ALONE ON MY BIRTHDAY.

I MEAN, I KNOW EVERYONE
THINKS THAT I AM

A CAREFREE,
HAPPY-GO-LUCKY KID.

WELL...

KID, SOME KID.

YEAH.

OH, AND IT'S DREARY
COMING HOME TO THIS DUMP.

I MEAN, SOMETHING IS ALWAYS
ON THE BLINK.

EITHER THE REFRIGERATOR
OR THE CAN OPENER
OR SOMETHING.

AND,

AND I REALLY DON'T FEEL
LIKE COOKING DINNER.

I MEAN,
I REALLY DON'T FEEL HUNGRY.

WHO WANTS TO EAT DINNER ALONE?
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

WELL, YOU GET
LOT OF INVITATIONS
FROM GUYS

AT THE PLANT, DON'T YOU?
OH, YEAH.

THOSE CREEPS,
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY WANT.

YEAH, WELL.

WELL, I KNOW IT SOUNDS LIKE
I'M CRYING ON YOUR SHOULDER

BUT I JUST WANT YOU
TO KNOW HOW IT IS.

YEAH, MAE, LISTEN,
COULD YOU HURRY IT UP
A LITTLE BIT?

I DON'T WANNA GET DOCKED.
I DON'T WANNA BE
LATE FOR WORK, OK?

YEAH, WELL, ANYWAY
SO THERE IT WAS,
MY LAST BIRTHDAY.

AND I CAME HOME
AND THERE WAS ONLY 2 PEOPLE

THAT I REALLY WANTED
TO BE WITH.

OR AT LEAST HALFWAY.
YOU KNOW I COULD...

LENORE, THE... THE GIRL
THAT WORKS DOWN AT THE DINER

ON ROUTE 4,
YEAH, I KNOW.

AND FLORENCE BAEDECKER,
THE CHOIR MISTRESS,

YOU REMEMBER HER?
MMM-HMM, MMM-HMM.

BUT THEY WERE BOTH BUSY.

SO THEN I

KINDA SAT DOWN HERE
AND LOOKED AT THE 4 WALLS

AND THOUGHT ABOUT
WHAT'S IT'S ALL ABOUT.

AND YOU KNOW I THOUGHT
MAYBE I SHOULD JUST
GO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE.

OH, COME ON.
IT COULDN'T HAVE BEEN
ALL THAT BAD.

OH, YEAH.

IT WAS.

ANYWAY,

I WAS SAVED BY THE BELL. TSK.

THE TELEPHONE BELL.

YOU REMEMBER FRANK GARTH,
THE UNION ORGANIZER?

OH, YEAH, YEAH.
HE WAS IN TOWN
A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO.

THAT WAS MY BIRTHDAY!

OH, IT WAS?
YEAH.

AND HE SAID
HE WAS IN TOWN OVERNIGHT

AND SO...

WE HAD DINNER.

SO?

WELL, HE'S THE ONLY

OTHER GUY
THAT I HAVE SLEPT WITH
BESIDES YOU.

WAIT, I THINK I GOT IT.
WAIT A MINUTE.

HOLD IT. STAY...
STAY STILL. STAY STILL.

OK. OH! YOU GOT IT.

OH, THANKS.
THERE YOU GO.

OH, YEAH.

WELL, SO YOU SLEPT WITH GARTH.
SO WHAT?

BUT I DIDN'T FEEL ABOUT HIM
THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT YOU.

YEAH, I KNOW. SO?

I MEAN, I JUST DIDN'T
WANT TO BE ALONE THAT NIGHT.

HEY, LOOK, MAE. YOU DON'T
HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO ME
OR MAKE EXCUSES TO ME.

YOU KNOW?
HONEST YOU DON'T.

LISTEN, I... I DIDN'T KNOW
THAT YOU... YOU KNOW,

THAT THINGS WERE
SO ROUGH WITH YOU.

YOU WERE HAVING
SUCH A ROUGH TIME

AND I THOUGHT YOU LED
A SWINGING BACHELORETTE
LIFE, YOU KNOW.

AND, UH...

HEY, I'M SORRY
IF I CAUSED YOU
ANY TROUBLE.

REALLY,
I MEAN ALL THAT.

YOU KNOW I LIKE YOU,
YOU KNOW?

I REALLY LIKE YOU A LOT.
YOU'RE A GOOD LADY,
REALLY GOOD LADY.

AND I JUST WISH THAT...

WELL, YOU KNOW THAT THINGS
COULD HAVE BEEN A LITTLE,

MAYBE DIFFERENT
FOR US BUT...

BUT, YOU KNOW
HOW THINGS ARE, YOU KNOW?

YEAH.

YEAH.

AND IF I COULD'VE
MADE IT DIFFERENT,

I WOULD'VE BUT I,

I COULDN'T.

WELL, SEE,
THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

UM,

THE POINT IS THAT
MR. GO... GARTH
CALLED ME LAST NIGHT

FROM CHICAGO
AND HE TOLD ME THAT

HE LEFT SOMETHING.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN
HE LEFT SOMETHING?

WELL,

HE, UH,

I MEAN,
THAT HE LEFT SOMETHING.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY
THAT HE LEFT...

I GUESS YOU GUYS CALL IT
A CASE.

YOU MEAN, V.D.?
HE LEFT V.D.?

YEAH.

OH, MY GOD.

WHAT A LOUSY ROTTEN THING
TO DO. THAT'S A SHAME.

HEY, I'M REALLY SORRY,
MAE, I'M REALLY SORRY.

AND ON YOUR BIRTHDAY,
AND ALL,

WHAT AN AWFUL THING
TO HAVE TO HAPPEN TO A PERSON.

I MEAN, THAT'S AWFUL.

WELL,

IT MAY NOT BE JUST ME.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
IT MAY NOT BE JUST YOU?

I MEAN, I THOUGHT
HE WAS THE ONLY ONE WITH
EXCEPT MAYBE...

OH, COME... NO.

I... I'M SORRY, TOM.

OH, NO.

WELL,

THERE IS ONE GOOD THING
AT LEAST.

OH, WHAT THE HELL
COULD THAT BE?

UM, SINCE YOU'VE BEEN...
HAVEN'T BEEN HAVING SEX
WITH YOUR WIFE,

AT LEAST SHE CAN'T GET IT.

OH, HONEY.

HI, SWEETHEART.

HONEY, PLEASE.

WEREN'T YOU GONNA
KISS ME HELLO?

WELL, I... I THINK
I'M COMING DOWN WITH A COLD.

WELL, I'LL RISK IT.
NO, NO, NO, HONEY.
NO, NO.

REMEMBER IT'S... IT'S
THE FLU SEASON.

OK?

YOU WERE WITH MAE.
SOMETHING HAPPENED.

NO, NOTHING HAPPENED.

TOM, SHE CALLED YOU UP
AT 2:00 A.M.,

SAID SHE HAD TO SEE YOU.
WHAT DID SHE WANT
TO SEE YOU ABOUT?

LISTEN, IS THERE ANY COFFEE?

WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

NOTHIN'.

YOU GOT FIRED?
SHE TOLD YOU YOU GOT FIRED?

NO, I DIDN'T GET FIRED.

I JUST WANT SOME COFFEE.

TOM, SOMETHING'S WRONG.

WERE YOU IN AN ACCIDENT?
THE CAR GOT HIT UP, RIGHT?

NO, HONEST.
JUST SOME COFFEE.

WHERE'S THE SACCHARINE?

SACCHARINE? WE DON'T USE
SACCHARINE EVER.

OH, IT'S REALLY
SOMETHING HORRIBLE,
ISN'T IT?

YOU KNOW, MARY,
YOU DON'T LOOK TOO GOOD,
YOU KNOW?

I DON'T?

I'VE BEEN USING
A NEW MOISTURIZING CREAM.

YOU LOOK UPSET.

I, UH, I KNOW.
I'VE BEEN WATCHING TELEVISION.

YOU MEAN THE SOAP OPERA,

WITH THE GIRL
WHO MURDERS HER LOVER

BECAUSE SHE HAS AMNESIA?

RIGHT AND NOW
SHE'S GOING BLIND.

AND I'M ALSO SO UPSET
BECAUSE LORETTA AND CHARLIE

CRASHED INTO A STATION WAGON
FULL OF NUNS WITH THEIR VEGA.

I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT ALL THOSE WOUNDED NUNS
OUT ON THE HIGHWAY.

WHY AREN'T YOU TELLING ME
ABOUT MAE?

WELL, IT'S, UH,
IT'S KIND OF PERSONAL.

OOH, LIKE, UH,
WHAT... WHAT DO YOU MEAN
PERSONAL?

WELL...
WAS I IN IT?

PERSONAL TO HER, MARY,

I MEAN, SHE HAD
A LOT OF THINGS
TO SAY TO ME THAT...

THAT WERE...

YEAH?

WELL, THEY WERE
VERY HARD FOR HER TO SAY.

YOU KNOW,
SHE'S NOT A HAPPY WOMAN.

SHE'S A FRIENDLY WOMAN
BUT NOT A HAPPY WOMAN.

YEAH, WELL,

LISTEN,
WHAT'S FOR DINNER, HUH?

UH, I DON'T KNOW.

I WAS THINKING
I COULD GIVE HEATHER FROZEN

BUT THE ONLY THING LEFT
IS AN OLD TACO.

TOM, I'M SORRY,
I SOUNDED GLIB ABOUT MAE.

BUT, I MEAN, I CAN UNDERSTAND
WHY SHE'S NOT A HAPPY WOMAN.

BECAUSE OUR MARRIAGE
IS STILL TOGETHER.

HEY, REMEMBER, MARY,
I... I... I MAY HAVE THE FLU.

IT IS BACK TOGETHER,
ISN'T IT, TOM?

ABSOLUTELY.

AND I LOVE YOU.

THEN WHAT'S WRONG?

I GOT A HEADACHE.
I GOT A REAL BAD HEADACHE.

A SINUS HEADACHE?
YOU MEAN LIKE

A THROBBING PAIN?

BECAUSE YOUR NASAL PASSAGES
ARE BLOCKED?

MARY, STOP. WILL YOU?
I MEAN, I GOT IT FROM WORK.

I'LL GET YOU A SINUTAB
AND A BIG GLASS OF MILK.
HOW'D THAT BE?

MARY, WILL YOU PLEASE STOP
SOUNDIN' LIKE A HOUSEWIFE
ON A COMMERCIAL?

I'M SORRY.

I COULD RUB YOUR BACK.

HONEY, PLEASE,
PLEASE, PLEASE.
MAYBE LATER, OK?

TOM, YOU'RE NOT
TELLING ME EVERYTHING.

YEAH, I AM.

YOU'RE STALLING.

I'M HUNGRY IS WHAT I AM.

TOM,

WHAT CAN'T YOU TELL ME?

THAT I LOVE YOU.

BUT YOU CAN TELL ME THAT.

IT MAY NOT BE EASY
AS IT USED TO BE.

UH-OH.

I HAVE A FEELING
THIS MEANS TROUBLE.