Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman (1976–1977): Season 1, Episode 23 - Episode #1.23 - full transcript

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MARY HARTMAN! MARY HARTMAN!

ALL RIGHT,
SWEET LITTLE LADY,

LET'S YOU AND ME
JUST MOSEY OVER
INTO THEM WOODS YONDER.

I KNOW Y'ALL ARE ANXIOUS
TO GET ON WITH YOUR TRIP
AND ALL.

WE'LL JUST GET THIS
OVER AND DONE WITH.

YOU ARE MISSING
THE BEST PART OF THE DAY
FOR DRIVING.

TAKE YOU'RE HANDS
OFF HER.
CHARLIE!

OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.
SORRY, DADDY.

VASSAR IS MY BEST FRIEND.
CAN'T HAVE YOU MESS WITH HIM.

OH, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
MADE ME PRETTY, LORD.
IT ONLY LEADS TO WOE.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?
SAY IT AGAIN.



I SAID "YOU SHOULDN'T
HAVE MADE ME PRETTY, LORD.

IT ONLY LEADS TO WOE."

IT'S A COUNTRY
WESTERN SONG.

I KNEW THAT.

WELL, IT'S ONE OF
MY MOST FAVORITES!

HOW COME
YOU KNOW THAT SONG?

'CAUSE I'M A COUNTRY
WESTERN SINGER.

ON THE LEVEL?

YEAH, WE WAS ON OUR WAY
TO NASHVILLE WHERE I'M GOING
TO BE A SUPERSTAR.

HOW ABOUT THAT?

UH, YOU GOING TO GO UP THERE
A-A-AND TALK TO
ALL THESE BIG SHOTS AND ALL

UP IN NASHVILLE?

YEAH, IF I EVER GET UP THERE.

WHAT DO YOU SAY ABOUT THAT?



I WROTE A SONG ONE TIME.
IT COULD BE A BIG NUMBER
ONE HIT WITH A BULLET.

IF I COULD JUST GET
ONE OF THEM BIG SHOTS
TO HEAR IT.

YOU MEAN YOU'RE A...
YOU'RE A COUNTRY
WESTERN SONGWRITER?

WELL, YEAH!

MAYBE YOU COULD GET THEM
TO HEAR IT FOR ME.

WELL, MAYBE I...
MAYBE I COULD, YOU KNOW,

IF I... IF I COULD
GET UP THERE, BUT...

WELL, I DON'T... I DON'T KNOW,
IT'D HAVE TO BE REAL GOOD,

'CAUSE I'M REAL PARTICULAR
ABOUT MY MATERIAL.
OH!

IT'S GOOD.

YOU WANNA HEAR IT?
YEAH.

1, 2...

♪ OH, THE POOR LITTLE GIRL
WAS RANNED OVER ♪

♪ AND SHE LAY THERE
IN HER BLOOD ♪

♪ BLOOD ♪

♪♪ AND SHE SAID TO HER MOTHER
STANDING THERE ♪

♪ I WISH
THIS WOULD BE UNDERSTOOD ♪

♪ OH, MOTHER, DEAR MOTHER,
PLEASE PROMISE ME ♪

♪ WHEN YOU WALK DOWN
ACROSS THE STREET ♪

♪ YOU'LL LOOK UP AND DOWN
SO YOU'LL NEVER LAY ♪

♪ LIKE ME HERE
WITH THESE BROKEN FEET ♪

HEY, GIRL, I MEAN,
THAT'S GREAT, WASN'T IT? HUH?

OH.
I MEAN, IT'S SURE-FIRE.

GREAT. GREAT, I REALLY...
OH, THAT WAS GREAT.

WILL YOU SING IT
IN FRONT OF THEM BIG SHOTS
UP THERE IN NASHVILLE FOR ME?

UH, SURE, YEAH, IF WE COULD
JUST, YOU KNOW, GET THERE.

IF WE COULD GET THERE.

IT'S GOT 6 MORE VERSES.

GREAT.

I'LL SING THEM
FOR YOU LATER ON.

GREAT.

WELL, DON'T JUST
STAND THERE, MERLE.

WE GOTTA HELP
THESE FINE PEOPLE.

THEY NEVER GONNA
GET UP THERE
TO NASHVILLE,

IF WE DON'T GET
THAT FOULED-UP
RADIATOR FIXED.

HI, MARY.

HI, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HOME?

WELL, I CAME HOME
FOR LUNCH.

YOU CAME HOME FOR, UH...

I CAME...
YOU NEVER COME HOME FOR LUNCH.

WELL, IT'S REALLY...

IT'S A VERY NICE THING
OF YOU TO COME HOME
FOR LUNCH.

UH, I ALREADY ATE.

MARY, I DIDN'T
COME HOME FOR LUNCH,
I CAME HOME TO TALK.

WHAT? WHAT?

I CAME HOME TO TALK,
MARY, TALK.

YOU KNOW, TALK.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
SO... SO MUCH WAS GOING ON
THIS MORNING

WITH CHARLIE
AND LORETTA

AND YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER
BEING OVER HERE,

I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE
TO SAY MUCH.

OH.

MARY, I REALLY GOTTA
HAVE A TALK WITH YOU.
I GOTTA TALK.

WELL, OK, TALK!

WELL, IT'S HARD
TO TALK TO A PERSON
WHO DOESN'T TALK BACK.

WELL, YOU DIDN'T SAY
ANYTHING YET.

I MEAN, WHY DON'T
YOU SAY SOMETHING

AND THEN
I'LL SAY SOMETHING.

I MEAN, IF YOU WANNA HAVE
A TALK, THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT.

SO IF YOU'VE SOMETHING TO SAY,
SAY IT. AS YOU CAN SEE,
I'M VERY BUSY RIGHT NOW.

WELL, THE LEAST
YOU COULD DO IS TURN AROUND
AND LOOK AT ME, OK.

COULD YOU TURN AROUND
AND LOOK AT ME, PLEASE?

WHY DID YOU DO IT?

WHY DID YOU SLEEP WITH HER?

YOU RUINED IT.

YOU RUINED US.

CAN'T YOU SEE
THAT YOU RUINED US?

LOOK, WILL... WILL YOU PLEASE,
PLEASE, JUST SHUT UP?
OK, JUST SHUT UP.

JUST FOR A MINUTE
SO WE CAN TALK, OK?

YOU REALLY WANNA HAVE A TALK?

YEAH, I REALLY
WANNA HAVE A TALK.
I REALLY DO.

DID YOU JUST SAY
"SHUT UP" TO ME?

YEAH.

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

WELL, I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN IT.

SO YOU'RE REALLY WILLING

TO TALK TO GET TO THE BOTTOM
OF OUR PROBLEM?

YEAH, I AM. I REALLY AM.

AND YOU... AND YOU'RE
REALLY WILLING

TO, UM, DIG DOWN, YOU KNOW,
FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES

TO GET TO THE VERY,
VERY BOTTOM OF THIS?

YEAH, I AM, I REALLY,
REALLY, REALLY, REALLY AM.
I REALLY AM.

OH, GOOD.

THAT'S SO GOOD, TOM,
BECAUSE I'M REALLY...

OH, MY GOD, OH.
WAIT A MINUTE,
WAIT A MINUTE.

THERE IS ONLY ONE TROUBLE,
I GOT TO GET BACK TO WORK.

I THOUGHT YOU, UH, I...
I THOUGHT YOU WANT TO TALK.

WELL, I DO WANT
TO TALK, HONEY,
BUT I ONLY GOT 9 MINUTES.

I MEAN, CAN WE DO IT
IN 9 MINUTES?

IN 9 MINUTES?
YEAH.

OK, WE COULD BEGIN.
I MEAN...

NO, WAIT, I CAN'T,
I CAN'T, I CAN'T.

I CAN'T DO IT IN 9 MINUTES.
NO, I CAN'T.

I CAN'T. I JUST CAN'T.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING.

YOU CAME ALL THE WAY HOME
BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO TALK

AND NOW
YOU DON'T WANNA TALK?

IT ISN'T THAT. IT ISN'T
THAT I DON'T WANNA TALK.

IT'S JUST THAT
I CAN'T DO IT IN 9 MINUTES.

I MEAN, I CAN'T EVEN
BEGIN IN 9 MINUTES.

WELL, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?

I MEAN, YOU KNOW THAT
YOU HAVE 45 MINUTES
FOR LUNCH, RIGHT?

I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
IT TAKES YOU...

IT TAKES YOU 12 MINUTES
TO GO TO AND FROM, RIGHT?

SO WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING,

TO DO THE WHOLE THING
IN 33 MINUTES?

WELL, IF WE HAD 33 MINUTES.
BUT I'VE ONLY GOT 9 MINUTES

WHICH MEANS
WE'VE WASTED 24 MINUTES
ON SMALL TALK, MARY.

SMALL TALK.

NOW IT'S 25 MINUTES, TOM.

TOM, WHAT ARE WE DOING
TALKING LIKE THIS?

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THIS.
WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?
WE'RE WASTING OUR TIME.

LOOK, TOM, NOW WE HAVE
LESS THAN 7 AND A HALF
MINUTES LEFT.

YEAH.

SO WHAT SHOULD WE DO?

I THINK
IT'S GONNA BE AWFULLY HARD

TO DISCUSS OUR MARRIAGE FULLY
IN 7-AND-A HALF MINUTES.

YEAH, UH...

LOOK, UH,

LOOK, WE'RE GONNA
HAVE TO MAKE
AN APPOINTMENT, OK?

AN APPOINTMENT?
YEAH.

OK, WHEN?

WELL, LET'S SEE,
I GOT A UNION MEETING
AFTER WORK TONIGHT.

LET'S MAKE IT 7:00, OK?

7:00.
OK.

OK, 7:00.
OK, IT'S A DATE, 7:00.

OK, FINE, I'LL BE WAITING.
IT'S A DATE.

OK.
OK.

SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

WELL, I STILL GOT
5 MINUTES TO KILL, SEE.

YOU WANT SOME, UH, LUNCH?
NO, I DON'T WANT ANY LUNCH.

MARY, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW BETTER
THAN THAT.

IT TAKES ME BETWEEN
7-AND-A HALF AND 9 MINUTES
TO EAT LUNCH.

THEN IT TAKES ME 12 MINUTES
TO GET BACK TO THE PLANT
IF THE LIGHTS ARE WITH ME.

MARY, WE'VE DONE A LOT OF
TIME AND MOTION STUDIES
AT THE PLANT

ABOUT THIS VERY THING.

I MEAN, YOU OUGHT TO KNOW
BETTER THAN THAT.
IT'S RIDICULOUS, I MEAN...

NOW I GOT 4 MINUTES.

"D-I-R-T-Y, DIRTY."

DON'T INSTILL RANDY THOUGHTS
IN THE YOUNG.

BLANCHE, DO YOU
HAVE TO DO THAT HERE?

COULD YOU GIVE ME
A LITTLE ROOM? LOOK.

I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT
BASKETBALL GAME
COMING UP SATURDAY NIGHT.

I HAVE TO FINISH
DIAGRAMMING THESE PLAYS.

NOW THESE ARE SURE-FIRE.

HOW COME YOUR TEAM
HASN'T WON A GAME ALL SEASON

IF YOUR PLAYS
ARE SO SURE-FIRE?

YOU KNOW,
I HAVE MY SUSPICIONS.

WITH THE GAME PLANS
I WORKED OUT
SO FAR THIS SEASON,

WE SHOULD BE UNDEFEATED.

SOMETHING TELLS ME
SOME OF MY BOYS

ARE BREAKING MY RULES
AGAINST HAVING

INTERCOURSE DURING
BASKETBALL SEASON.

HELLO? HELLO?

JENNY! JENNY,
WHERE ARE YOU?

WHERE IS SHE?
JENNY, I AM YOUR MOTHER.

I DEMAND TO KNOW
WHERE YOU ARE.

AND I'M YOUR...
SHH, GIVE ME THIS PHONE.

IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT
YOU'RE A RUNAWAY HIPPIE

WITHOUT MY HAVING TO WORRY
ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

JUST FIND OUT WHERE SHE IS.

NOW, W-WHERE ARE YOU?

UH, I... W-WHAT ARE YOU
DOING THIS TO ME FOR, HUH?

WHAT ABOUT ME...
JUST... JUST GET AWAY
FROM THIS PHONE.

WHAT?

D-DON'T TALK TO ME
ABOUT LEADING YOUR OWN LIFE.

IF YOU... IF YOU KNEW
ANYTHING ABOUT
LEADING YOUR OWN LIFE,

YOU WOULDN'T HAVE RUN AWAY.

BLANCHE, TELL HER
TO COME HOME.
WOULD YOU STOP THIS?

WE LOVE YOU, JENNY.

YES, I... I LOVE YOU, TOO...

WE HAVE ALWAYS LOVED YOU.

WE'VE GIVEN YOU
EVERYTHING THAT WE COULD.

WE HAVE GIVEN YOU THE FINEST
AND STRONGEST MORAL SUPPORT
OF ANY GIRL.

STIFLING YOU? HE...
YOU STIFLED HER.

I DIDN'T STIFLE HER!
MAYBE YOU STIFLED HER!
HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?

HELLO?

WHAT'S THE MATTER?
JENNY?

HOW COULD THIS AWFUL THING
BE HAPPENING TO ME?

TO YOU? WHAT ABOUT ME?
DON'T YOU EVER THINK OF ME?

HOW DO YOU THINK
WHEN I... WHEN I...

WHEN I GO
TO THE ROTARY CLUB

AND I HAVE TO MAKE A SPEECH
ABOUT HANDLING TODAY'S KIDS.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS DOES
TO MY CREDIBILITY?

HOW I HAVE WORKED AND SLAVED
FOR THAT CHILD.

WELL,

CHILDREN MIGHT BE A LITTLE
MORE GRATEFUL IF THEY KNEW

WHAT A WOMAN HAS TO GO THROUGH
TO RAISE A CHILD.

NOT TO SAY ANYTHING
OF THE HORRORS

A WOMEN HAS TO GO THROUGH
JUST TO BECOME PREGNANT.

IT'S ALMOST TIME
FOR THE HEARING

AND GRANDPA'S
STILL NOT HERE.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO
WHEN THE JUDGE
CALLS HIS CASE?

WELL, YOU'RE JUST GONNA
HAVE TO TELL HIM
THAT HE'S MISSING.

UM, I CAN'T DO THAT.
THEY'LL SEND THE POLICE OUT
LOOKING FOR HIM.

ISN'T THAT
WHAT YOU WANT, MOM?

OH, I'M SO UPSET
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT.

BUT IF THEY FIND HIM,
THEY MIGHT PUT HIM JAIL,

AND IF THEY DON'T,
WHERE IS HE?

ALL RISE.

FERNWOOD MUNICIPAL COURT
IS IN SESSION.

JUDGE EARL CLIFFORD STANLEY
PRESIDING. BE SEATED.

IS, UH, RAYMOND LARKIN
IN COURT?

MR. RAYMOND LARKIN?

A-A-ABSENT.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

UH, GRANDPA,
UH, THAT'S MY FATHER,

UH, I MEAN RAYMOND LARKIN
ISN'T HERE, YOUR HONOR.

W-WOULD YOU APPROACH
THE BENCH, MADAM, PLEASE?

UH, THE BENCH? WHAT BENCH?

JUST COME FORWARD, MA'AM.

OH, CERTAINLY.

NOW THEN, DO YOU KNOW
ANY REASON WHY YOUR FATHER

IS NOT PRESENT
AT THIS HEARING TODAY?

OH, YES, YOUR HONOR.

WHAT IS THE REASON?

WELL, UM,
I'M NOT SURE OF THE REASON

BUT I AM SURE
THAT HE WOULD BE HERE

IF THERE WASN'T A GOOD REASON
WHY HE CAN'T BE HERE.

MR. LARKIN IS YOUR FATHER?

YES, YOUR HONOR.

DOES HE LIVE WITH YOU?

YES, HE DID
UNTIL LAST NIGHT ANYWAY.

OH, UH, OH,
THERE THEY ARE.

MR. LARKIN.

PRESENT IN THE COURT
AND ACCOUNTED FOR,
YOUR WORSHIP.

UH, GRANDPA, THERE IS A LOT
THAT ISN'T ACCOUNTED FOR.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT, MRS. UH...
JUST... JUST TAKE YOUR SEAT,
PLEASE.

OH, ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT,

BUT, JUDGE,
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK HERE
IF YOU NEED ME.

NOW THEN, UH,

YOU MUST BE MISS WOLASHAK,

THE SOCIAL WORKER
ASSIGNED TO THIS CASE.

YES, YOUR HONOR.
MMM-HMM.

MR. LARKIN, THIS HEARING
WAS CALLED FOR 10:00
THIS MORNING.

WHY ARE YOU LATE?

I HAD TO DO
SOMETHING IMPORTANT.

THERE IS NOTHING
MORE IMPORTANT
THAN THE HEARING.

UH, DO YOU WANNA BET?
RAYMOND.

WELL, HE OUGHT TO KNOW
PEOPLE HAVE CERTAIN HABITS.

OH, I THINK I'LL JUST CLOSE
MY EYES AND BREATHE DEEPLY

SHH.
UNTIL THIS IS ALL OVER.

UH, MISS WOLASHAK,
I'VE READ YOUR REPORT.

IT'S ONE OF THE MOST
ENTHUSIASTIC AND FAVORABLE...

WELL, I'D SAY ONE OF
THE MOST ENTHUSIASTIC,
FAVORABLE,

AND LENGTHIEST REPORTS I'VE,

I'VE EVER READ.

NOW THEN, UH, MR. LARKIN,

IT'S APPARENT
THAT YOU ARE COOPERATING
TO THE FULLEST EXTENT

WITH MISS WOLASHAK.

HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW FULL.

SINCE THERE HAVE BEEN
NO FURTHER INCIDENTS
OF ANTISOCIAL BEHAVIOR,

AND SINCE THE COURT
HAS TAKEN NOTE OF THE MOST

ENCOURAGING PROGRESS
YOU HAVE MADE IN THERAPY,

I WILL CONTINUE
YOUR PROBATION FOR A PERIOD
NOT TO EXCEED 6 MONTHS

WITH A STIPULATION

THAT YOU CONTINUE SEEING
MISS WOLASHAK REGULARLY.

I OBJECT!

YOU OBJECT?
MOTHER, SIT DOWN.

OH, I'M SORRY, YOUR HONOR.
YOU OBJECT, MADAM?

I'M SORRY, YOUR OFF... HONOR.

YES, UH, YOU MAY PROCEED.

THE COURT IS COUNTING
ON YOU, MISS WOLASHAK.

THIS IS YOUR CASE,

AND WELCOME TO IT.

THERE WILL BE
A 5 MINUTE RECESS

TILL THE HEARING
OF THE NEXT CASE.

ALL RISE.

WE DID IT.

OH, MA, YOU ALMOST
RUINED EVERYTHING.

WELL, I THINK IT'S WRONG

THAT THE JUDGE
SENTENCED GRANDPA
TO THAT WOMAN.

AFTER ALL, SHE HAD HIM OUT
ALL NIGHT LONG.

BUT THEY'RE IN LOVE.
LOOK, MA,
THEY'RE HOLDING HANDS.

YOU WANNA GO
GET SOME BREAKFAST?

BUT, CATHY,
WHAT DO YOU THINK THEY DO?

HI, DENNIS.

HELLO, MARY.

YOU LEFT YOUR SHOE
AT MY APARTMENT YESTERDAY.

YES.

I NOTICED, UM,
WHEN I GOT HOME.

WELL, I HOPE IT DIDN'T CAUSE
A PROBLEM WITH YOUR HUSBAND.

WELL, HE ASKED SOME
EMBARRASSING QUESTIONS.

LIKE WHAT?

WHERE'S YOUR SHOE?

I'M SORRY. I WOULD
HAVE BROUGHT THE SHOE
WITH ME TO WORK TODAY

IF I'D KNOWN
YOU WERE GONNA STOP BY.

OH, I... I DIDN'T, UH,

KNOW I WAS GONNA STOP BY...

U-UNTIL I GOT THIS.

WELL, THAT'S JUST A NOTICE
FOR YOU TO APPEAR,

UH, AT DAVEY JESSUP'S
PRELIMINARY HEARING.

HE'S BEEN CAPTURED,
YOU KNOW,

AND, UH, YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO TESTIFY.

AGAINST HIM?

YEAH.

OH, NO.

I SUPPOSE... I SUPPOSE THAT IS
MY DUTY AS A CITIZEN, HUH?

OH, POOR DAVEY.

MARY, HE'S A MASS MURDERER.

HE MURDERED
THE ENTIRE LOMBARDI FAMILY.

PLUS, THEIR 2 GOATS
AND 8 CHICKENS.

I KNOW,
BUT HE'S SORRY FOR THAT
AND HE'S SUCH A NICE BOY.

I MEAN, I WISH
THERE WAS SOMETHING
I COULD DO FOR HIM.

MARY, YOU'RE TOO GOODHEARTED.

DON'T YOU BELIEVE THAT
PEOPLE SHOULD DO THINGS

FOR OTHER PEOPLE
WHEN OTHER PEOPLE
ARE IN TROUBLE?

I MEAN,
THERE'S SO MUCH TRAGEDY
GOING ON IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD.

SO MANY PEOPLE
THAT I WOULD LIKE
TO DO THINGS FOR.

LIKE, I WOULD REALLY
LIKE TO DO SOMETHING
FOR THE LOMBARDIS.

ONLY THERE AREN'T
ANY LOMBARDIS AROUND ANYMORE
TO DO ANYTHING FOR.

MARY, LET'S TALK
ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.

LIKE WHAT?

UH...

SOMETHING HAPPIER.

HAPPIER?

THINK OF ONE.

WHEN ARE YOU FREE
TO COME BACK TO MY APARTMENT

TO PICK UP YOUR SHOE?

OH.

I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

IS THERE SOMEONE
IN THE ROOM WITH US NOW
THAT I'M NOT AWARE OF?

NO.

I MEAN ALONE, IN PRIVATE.

WELL,

I'M A LITTLE CONFUSED
ABOUT THAT.

WHY? WOULDN'T YOU
LIKE TO SEE ME?

UH...
UH, ALONE, IN PRIVATE?

YES, I WOULD. IT'S JUST THAT,

I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT'S
CONFUSING TO ME.

YOU SEE,

I'M HAVING

CERTAIN UPSETTING
MARITAL DIFFICULTIES.

ARE WE BEING BUGGED NOW
OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT?

NO.

OH, GOOD,
'CAUSE I JUST THOUGHT,

YOU KNOW,
IT'S A POLICE STATION.

I... I CAN'T SEE YOU
WHILE I'M HAVING

THESE MARITAL DIFFICULTIES
BECAUSE THE DIFFLIS...

EXCUSE ME, I'M SORRY.
THE DIFFICULTIES

ARE MAKING ME
VERY EMOTIONALLY UPSET,

AND, UH, I READ AN ARTICLE
IN THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER

THAT SAYS THAT, YOU KNOW,
WHEN YOUR,

UM, DIFFICULTIES ARE
MAKING YOU EMOTIONALLY UPSET,

THAT'S... THAT...
THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT TIME,

AND IT'S THE WRONG TIME,

TO START
A NEW PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP.

WHY?

WHY?

UM,

BECAUSE IT'S UNFAIR

TO, UH, ALL OF THE PARTIES
INVOLVED IN THE RELATIONSHIP.

I'M NOT SURE
I AGREE WITH THAT.

BUT THE ARTICLE IS WRITTEN
BY AN EXPERT.

HOW DO YOU KNOW
HE'S AN EXPERT?

OH, WELL, I'M SURE.

OTHERWISE THE MAGAZINE
WOULDN'T HAVE
PRINTED THE ARTICLE.

I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU THINK,

I'M GONNA READ AN ARTICLE
ON HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS
BY A BUTCHER?

LET'S, UH, LET'S GET BACK

TO WHAT YOU WERE SAYING
ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP.

OH. WHERE WAS I?

HAVING MARITAL DIFFICULTIES.

OH, YES.

AH, BUT,

YOU SEE, AS, UH,

AS... AS SOON AS,
UH, MY MARRIAGE
GETS STRAIGHTENED OUT,

THEN, UM,

I... I... I WON'T BE HAVING,

YOU KNOW, EMOTIONAL,
UH, TROUBLE ANYMORE.

AND THE ARTICLE

SAYS THAT, UH,

THEN IT WOULD BE ALL RIGHT

TO ENTER
A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP,

BECAUSE THEN I WON'T BE
IN ANY EMOTIONAL TROUBLE

AND THEN I'LL BE ABLE
TO HANDLE A RELATIONSHIP

AND, YOU KNOW,
MAKE A CONTRIBUTION TO IT.

AND OF COURSE,
YOU DO HAVE MY SHOE.

SO YOU CAN SEE ME

AFTER YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND
SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM?

YES,

EXCEPT FOR ONE THING.

WHAT?

I THINK IT WOULD BE A MISTAKE.

WHY?

BECAUSE THAT

WOULD LEAD
TO ANOTHER EMOTIONAL UPSET.

AND THEN,
IT WOULD BE WRONG AGAIN

FOR ME TO BE INVOLVED
IN A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP,

BECAUSE I'D BE
VERY EMOTIONALLY UPSET.

SO YOU

CAN'T SEE ME
WHEN YOU'RE EMOTIONALLY UPSET,

AND YOU CAN'T SEE ME WHEN
YOU'RE NOT EMOTIONALLY UPSET,

BECAUSE THAT MIGHT
MAKE YOU EMOTIONALLY UPSET,
IS THAT RIGHT?

RIGHT.
SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS

THAT YOU DON'T EVER
WANNA SEE ME AGAIN.

OH, NO.

NO. UM, NO, NO.

I DO WANNA SEE YOU AGAIN.

I DO.
IT'S... IT'S JUST THAT

RIGHT NOW,

I AM HAVING
CERTAIN DIFFICULTIES.

I... I WANNA LIVE PROPERLY.

I WANNA LEAD THE RIGHT LIFE.

AND

EMOTIONS AND RELATIONSHIPS

AND ALL THOSE THINGS
THAT EXPERTS WRITE ABOUT,

THEY'RE JUST REALLY
VERY CONFUSING TO ME.

LIFE WOULD REALLY BE
MUCH SIMPLER WITHOUT THEM.

WITHOUT EMOTIONS
AND RELATIONSHIPS?

NO, WITHOUT EXPERTS.

UH, LISTEN,
THANKS FOR, UH,

E-EXPLAINING THIS TO ME.

UH, SURE.

OH. THANKS.

I'M GLAD TO HELP ANYTIME.

THANKS.

BYE.

GOODBYE, MARY.
MARY?

WHAT?

WHEN ARE YOU
GOING TO STOP BY

TO PICK UP YOUR SHOE?

WHEN WILL IT BE READY?