Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman (1976–1977): Season 1, Episode 22 - Episode #1.22 - full transcript
Mary returns home with one shoe and no groceries. Tom wants to know where she's been. Loretta and Charlie are off to Nashville.
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MARY HARTMAN! MARY HARTMAN!
DO ALL POLICEMEN DO THIS?
OH, MY.
I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING.
UH, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT TIME IT IS?
UM, I JUST...
DO YOU HAPPEN
TO KNOW THE TIME?
YOU COULD, UH,
COULD YOU CALL
THE TIME FOR ME
IF YOU DON'T HAVE A WATCH
OR ANYTHING?
I COULD CALL IF YOU JUST
TELL ME WHERE THE PHONE IS.
I MEAN,
I COULD CALL AND FIND OUT...
6:30.
OH, IT'S 6:30?
OH, OH, MY.
THAT'S VERY LATE.
IT'S JUST SO VERY LATE.
I JUST,
UH, DIDN'T REALIZE
THAT IT WAS THAT LATE.
I, UH... UH,
I BETTER BE GOING NOW.
UM, I'LL... I'LL SEE MYSELF OUT,
THAT'S OK.
UH, DO YOU REALLY
HAVE TO GO?
UH, YES, I, UH,
ABSOLUTELY, YES.
THAT'S SUCH A NICE SWEATER.
YOU ARE
THE SWEETEST WOMAN.
I'M SORRY, I'M... I'M...
YOU MUST HATE ME.
I MEAN, I'M... I'M REALLY SORRY
FOR COMING HERE LIKE THIS
AND LIKE, UH, AND NOT, UM,
COMING THROUGH OR ANYTHING.
THAT'S, UH,
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I MEAN,
I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU.
I... I DON'T KNOW HOW.
BUT I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.
I'LL DO SOMETHING...
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
REALLY?
YOU'RE NOT MAD?
THIS IS
THE LOVELIEST AFTERNOON
I'VE EVER SPENT.
REALLY?
LIKE, HOW WOULD YOU RATE IT
ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10?
12.
12?
14.
HAVE YOU EVER HIT 15?
WHEN YOU'RE READY,
I'M HERE.
IS THAT A COME ON?
NO. I MEAN IT.
OH, GOOD,
I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS.
I'M... I'M SORRY
FOR TOUCHING YOU LIKE THIS.
I JUST, UH...
I JUST NEVER REALIZED
POLICEMEN WERE ALLOWED
TO HAVE CHESTS.
OH, DENNIS.
YOU CAN KEEP THE GROCERIES.
AND DON'T FORGET
TO DEFROST THE BUTTER.
OH, DINNER.
I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED IT.
MARY, IS THAT YOU?
MARY... MA...
WHERE THE HELL
HAVE YOU BEEN ALL AFTERNOON?
WHERE HAVE I BEEN?
I'VE BEEN OUT.
I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN OUT.
YEAH, I WAS OUT.
YOU'VE BEEN OUT ALL AFTERNOON.
YEAH, I WAS OUT ALL AFTERNOON.
YEAH,
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND YOU.
I'VE BEEN LOOKING
ALL OVER FOR YOU.
WHERE... WHERE WERE YOU?
WHERE WAS I?
WHERE WAS I?
I DON'T KNOW.
OH, I WAS OUT.
MARY, THAT DOES NOT
ANSWER MY QUESTION.
I MEAN, IT'S AFTER 6:00
AND DINNER ISN'T READY.
AND YOU'RE STANDING THERE
LIKE SOME WHOOPING CRANE.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR LEG?
PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN.
YOU'RE STANDING THERE
WITH ONE SHOE ON
AND ONE SHOE OFF.
"DIDDLE, DIDDLE, DUMPLING,
MY SON JOHN..."
MARY!
WHAT?
WHERE IS THE OTHER ONE?
WHAT OTHER WHAT? WHO?
THE OTHER SHOE.
OH?
OH, UH...
UH,
I... I... I MUST HAVE LOST IT.
WHERE DID YOU LOSE IT?
WHERE?
UM, I DON'T KNOW, UH,
UM, IT'S POSSIBLE
THAT I STEPPED IN,
UH, SOME, YOU KNOW,
SO I LEFT IT.
I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT I DO
WHEN I STEP IN SOMETHING.
YOU KNOW,
I JUST GET OUT OF MY SHOE
AND I JUST KEEP
RIGHT ON GOING.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S SOMETHING
FUNNY GOIN' ON HERE.
I MEAN, LORETTA TOLD ME
THAT YOU WENT TO THE MARKET
HOURS AGO
AND I DON'T SEE
ANY GROCERIES, MARY.
NO, I DON'T EITHER.
WHERE ARE THEY?
I LOST THEM?
ARE YOU ASKIN' ME?
WELL, I JUST DON'T SEE THEM.
NEITHER DO I.
MAYBE YOU LOST THEM
IN THE SAME PLACE
YOU LOST YOUR SHOE, HUH?
I DOUBT THAT.
MAYBE I ATE THEM.
MARY, LOOK,
YOU'VE GOT A LOT
OF EXPLAININ' TO DO.
OH, NO, I DON'T HAVE
ANY EXPLAINING TO DO
BECAUSE I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
WELL, WHERE THE HELL
WERE YOU ALL AFTERNOON
IF YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING,
THEN?
WELL, TOM,
THAT'S JUST GONNA
HAVE TO BE MY BUSINESS.
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKIN' ABOUT?
WELL, I'M JUST TALKING
ABOUT THAT, UH,
YOU KNOW,
SOME STUFF IS YOUR BUSINESS.
SOME STUFF IS MY BUSINESS.
AND THIS HAPPENS
TO BE MY BUSINESS.
I'M GETTIN' DAMN MAD, MARY!
LOOK, I HAVE A RIGHT
TO ASK YOU WHERE THE HELL
YOU WERE THIS AFTERNOON.
I HAPPEN TO BE
YOUR DAMN HUSBAND.
WELL, I HAVE EVERY RIGHT
NOT TO ANSWER
WHERE I WAS THIS AFTERNOON
BECAUSE I HAPPEN
TO BE YOUR WIFE
AND NOT YOUR, UM, WHATEVER!
YOU WERE WITH SOMEBODY,
WEREN'T YOU?
YOU WERE WITH SOME GUY,
WEREN'T YOU?
IS THAT WHAT
YOU'RE TRYING TO DO?
YOU'RE TRYING
TO GET EVEN WITH ME?
IS THAT WHAT
YOU'RE TRYING TO DO?
GET EVEN WITH ME
BECAUSE OF MAE?
IS THAT... IS THAT RIGHT?
IS THAT WHAT
YOU'RE TRYING TO DO?
HOW DOES IT FEEL, TOM,
NOT KNOWING WHERE I WAS
OR WHAT I DID?
I'M SUFFERING.
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
YOU WANT ME TO SUFFER?
OK, I AM SUFFERING.
OH, TOM.
I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
THAT WAS AWFUL.
I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
OF COURSE,
I DON'T WANT YOU TO SUFFER.
HOW DOES IT FEEL?
I'LL TELL YOU HOW IT FEELS.
IT FEELS ROTTEN.
I MEAN, I FEEL TERRIBLE.
DO YOU FEEL TERRIBLE,
TOM?
YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL?
I'M GLAD.
I'M GLAD
YOU FEEL TERRIBLE.
I'M REALLY GLAD...
OH, TOM, I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
I'M NOT GLAD, I'M NOT GLAD.
I'M THE OPPOSITE OF GLAD.
I'M SAD.
I REALLY DO. I MEAN,
IS SAD THE OPPOSITE OF GLAD?
IS IT? BECAUSE I REALLY...
I... I FEEL SAD.
I MEAN, TOM,
I DON'T... I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S HAPPENING.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING
WITH US AND...
TOM,
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?
IT'S, UH...
WHAT HAPPENED THERE?
IT'S ALL RED AND SPLOTCHY.
IT IS?
YES.
REALLY?
YES.
WHAT... WHAT
ARE YOU DOIN'?
I'M MAKING DINNER.
YOU'RE NOT MAKING DINNER,
MARY, YOU'RE LAUGHIN' AT ME.
WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHIN' AT?
NO, NO, YOU'RE WRONG.
I... I AM MAKING DINNER
AND I'M LAUGHING AT YOU.
WELL, STOP IT, WILL YOU?
STOP IT! I DON'T LIKE IT!
STOP IT!
OK, I'LL STOP IT.
DON'T... DON'T YOU SEE
WHY I WAS LAUGHING, TOM?
DON'T YOU SEE
WHY I'M LAUGHING?
I'M LAUGHING
BECAUSE IT'S SO, UH,
IT'S SO SAD.
I MEAN, IT'S JUST SO SAD.
IT'S FUNNY
BECAUSE IT'S SO HUMILIATING.
I MEAN, IT'S JUST
SO HILARIOUSLY HUMILIATING.
YOU DID GET EVEN, DIDN'T YOU?
DIDN'T YOU?
I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY IT,
MARY.
IT'S WRITTEN
ALL OVER YOUR FACE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, MARY.
I REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
HOW CAN YOU DO SUCH A THING?
IT'S ONE THING FOR ME THAT...
I MEAN,
HOW DID YOU DO IT?
HOW... HOW DID IT HAPPEN?
HOW DID IT?
UH, WHAT DO YOU MEAN
HOW DID IT HAPPEN?
YOU DID IT, DIDN'T YOU?
WHAT DID YOU DO?
I DOED IT.
I MEAN, I DID IT.
YOU DID DID IT.
I DON'T THINK
THAT'S VERY FUNNY,
I REALLY DON'T.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S FUNNY,
I DON'T THINK IT'S HILARIOUS,
I DON'T THINK ANYTHING.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
IT'S ONE THING
FOR A GUY TO DO IT.
YOU UNDERSTAND?
AND IT'S ANOTHER THING
FOR A WOMAN TO DO IT.
I MEAN, YOU'RE, MARY,
YOU'RE A MOTHER,
FOR GOD'S SAKES.
THAT'S CHEATIN'.
TOM, I THINK YOU'RE TWISTING
THINGS AROUND AGAIN
AND TRYING TO JUST
MAKE ME FEEL
BAD ABOUT IT.
OK, YOU'RE RIGHT,
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I MEAN,
YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO...
I DO FEEL GUILTY, TOM, I DO.
I FEEL... I FEEL SO GUILTY.
I FEEL SO...
IF EVER A PERSON
SHOULD FEEL GUILTY,
I SHOULD FEEL GUILTY.
AND I DO, TOM.
I FEEL GUILTY.
I FEEL GUILTY, GUILTY.
I FEEL GUILTY, GUILTY,
GUILTY, TOM.
I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME.
I FEEL SO GUILTY, I MEAN,
I CAN'T EVEN STAND UP.
COULD YOU OPEN
THE CAN OF SPAGHETTIOS?
WHERE WERE YOU THIS AFTERNOON?
TOM, ALL I WANT
IS FOR YOU AND HEATHER
TO HAVE A REGULAR DINNER.
NO MATTER WHAT HAS HAPPENED.
OK, MARY.
OK, ALL I WANT YOU TO DO
IS JUST, PLEASE,
TELL ME WHAT YOU DID.
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
WELL,
IF YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING,
THEN WHY DO YOU FEEL
SO GUILTY?
I TOLD YOU,
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
I MEAN,
EXPLAIN ONE THING TO ME.
WHO HAS YOUR SHOE?
TOM, IT'S IRRELEVANT.
I PROMISE YOU,
MY SHOE IS SAFE.
IT'S WITH MY GROCERIES.
MARY.
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
MARY, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?
I... I'M NOT FINISHED YET.
MARY, MARY, COME ON.
I TOLD YOU,
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
WELL, YOU DON'T...
YOU DON'T HAVE TO TALK.
HERE, LET ME POUR THAT.
I HAVE TO TALK. WHY...
I KNOW YOU DON'T, BUT...
LISTEN, I'VE BEEN DOING
A LOT OF THINKIN', YOU KNOW?
I DON'T WANNA THINK ABOUT IT.
WELL, DON'T THINK.
JUST LISTEN, OK?
I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO IT.
I DON'T FEEL LIKE LISTENING.
THE REASON I'VE BEEN DOIN'
A LOT OF THINKING IS BECAUSE,
WELL, I CAN'T DO
MUCH OF ANYTHING ELSE
ON THAT DAMN COUCH.
I CERTAINLY CAN'T SLEEP ON IT.
LOOK, I KNOW I WAS KIND
OF ROUGH ON YOU YESTERDAY
WHEN YOU CAME HOME
AFTER BEIN' OUT
GOD KNOWS WHERE
ALL AFTERNOON.
YOU KNOW,
I REALLY DON'T WANT TO HEAR!
WELL, I DON'T CARE
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR.
WILL YOU JUST...
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT
YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR, OK?
NOW,
THE REASON I GOT SO DAMN MAD
WAS BECAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU
TO START SOMETHIN'
YOU'RE GONNA BE SORRY FOR,
OK?
I DON'T WANT
TO TALK ABOUT THIS.
WELL, MARY, YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT
BECAUSE WE CAN'T GO ON
LIKE THIS.
WE SIMPLY CANNOT GO ON
LIKE THIS.
YOU KNOW,
YESTERDAY HEATHER STARTED
ASKIN' A LOT OF QUESTIONS
ABOUT YOU AND ME,
HER PARENTS.
NOW, SHE'S VERY UPSET, MARY.
VERY UPSET.
WELL, WE'RE OFF.
WE'RE ON OUR WAY.
NASHVILLE, HERE WE COME.
I GOT THE VEGA
PACKED UP TO THE GILLS.
WE'RE ALL GASSED UP.
WE'RE RARIN' TO GO.
OH, I FORGOT.
YOU'RE LEAVING THIS MORNING.
OH, LORETTA, CHARLIE,
I'M GONNA MISS YOU.
NO MORE THAN WE'RE
GOING TO MISS YOU, HONEY.
MARY, JUST REMEMBER,
NO MATTER HOW FAR I GO
OR HOW HIGH I CLIMB,
WE'RE GONNA REMEMBER YOU.
CHARLIE, LISTEN,
ALL THE BEST, HUH?
I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT,
THOMAS.
YOU BEEN A GOOD FRIEND.
AND, MARY,
YOU'RE ACES WITH ME.
OH, THANKS, CHARLIE.
WELL,
IT'S JUST SO NICE TO JUST,
TO SEE THE 2 OF YOU
JUST STANDING THERE
IN YOUR OWN KITCHEN.
EVERYTHING OK?
YEAH, EVERYTHING'S OK.
RIGHT, MARY?
TERRIFIC.
OH, THANK GOSH.
OH.
OH, WE WAS
SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
YOU KNOW,
ESPECIALLY AFTER YESTERDAY.
HONEY.
BUT I TOLD CHARLIE,
I SAID, "LISTEN, HONEY,
HONEY.
"DON'T YOU WORRY NONE
ABOUT TOM AND MARY
BECAUSE EVEN A BLIND HOG
CAN FIND AN ACORN SOMEWHERE."
WHAT?
WELL, I'M JUST
SO GLAD THAT YOU 2
FOUND IT IN YOUR HEART
TO FORGIVE EACH OTHER.
EACH OTHER?
OH, I THINK THAT'S JUST
A... A SOUTHERN EXPRESSION.
HONEY, COME ON,
I THINK WE BETTER
HIT THE ROAD.
MARY, MARY.
HAVE YOU SEEN...
OH, HI.
HI, HI.
HI.
IT'S LIKE A CONVENTION.
YEAH, LORETTA AND ME
ARE HITTIN' THE ROAD
FOR NASHVILLE.
YOU'RE REALLY
GONNA DO IT, HUH?
YOU BET I AM,
GEORGE, OLD BUDDY.
OH, LORETTA,
I WISH YOU ALL
THE SUCCESS IN THE WORLD.
THANK YOU, MARTHA.
AND... AND WE CERTAINLY
ARE GONNA MISS YOU FOLKS
HERE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
OH, WE'RE GONNA
MISS YOU ALL, TOO.
AND WE'RE ALWAYS
GONNA REMEMBER YOU
NO MATTER HOW BIG
OR FAMOUS WE GET.
RIGHT, CHARLIE?
THAT'S RIGHT.
AND... AND WE'RE GONNA COME BACK
AND... AND SELL THE HOUSE
AND WE'RE GONNA THROW
A BIG PARTY
AS SOON AS WE GET
SET UP IN NASHVILLE
THAT'S RIGHT.
AND... AND LORETTA STARTS
CLIMBIN' THOSE CHARTS
TO... TO SUPERSTARDOM.
OH, WELL, UM,
LISTEN, TOM.
I KNOW THAT I'VE BEEN ACTING
KIND OF PESKY TO YOU LATELY,
YOU KNOW, AND EVERYTHING,
BUT, WELL, I'M SORRY.
BUT NOW THAT YOU AND MARY
HAVE KISSED AND HUGGED
AND EVERYTHING,
WELL, I'D LIKE TO DO LIKEWISE.
YEAH.
OH, BYE.
COME ON, HONEY.
COME ON. IT'S...
IT'S... IT'S OBVIOUS
YOU GUYS GOT SOME... SOME
BREAKFAST HERE.
AND YOU... YOU'RE
OBVIOUSLY HERE
FOR SOME REASON.
SO, WE'LL JUST...
DON'T EVEN SEE US
OUT TO THE CAR.
WE'LL JUST GET MOVING.
COME ON, HONEY.
LET'S GO, LET'S GO.
COME ON, COME ON.
WE'LL... WE'LL SEND YOU
A PECAN LOG FROM STUCKEY'S.
YEAH, BYE-BYE.
OH, THIS CERTAINLY
IS AN EXCITING MOMENT.
I HOPE THEY KNOW
WHAT THEY'RE DOIN'.
NOW, UM, I FORGET
WHAT I CAME OVER
SO EARLY TO TELL YOU.
UH, NOW, WHAT WAS IT? UH...
THINK, MA.
OH. YES, UH,
GRANDPA IS MISSING.
OH, NO.
OH, YES.
HE DIDN'T COME HOME
ALL LAST NIGHT.
DOESN'T THAT
BEAT EVERYTHING?
GOD ONLY KNOWS
WHERE THE OLD GEEZER IS
OR WHAT HE'S UP TO.
OH,
HE'S PROBABLY WITH ROBERTA.
WHAT?
WHO?
WHERE?
WITH ROBERTA.
ROBERTA WOLASHAK,
THE SOCIAL WORKER.
I MEAN,
HE HAD A DATE WITH HER HERE.
A WHAT?
A DATE?
HERE?
YEAH.
IN THE KITCHEN?
WELL,
I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
WELL, NEITHER WOULD I.
I'D SEND HIM TO A HOME
AND I'D SEND THAT GIRL
OF HIS TO A HOUSE.
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
GRANDPA HAD A DATE
IN THE KITCHEN?
OH, GEORGE.
WELL, I WOULD.
AND I'D HAVE
THAT WOKASHAKY DAME ARRESTED
FOR THE CONTRIBUTING
TO THE DELINQUENCY
OF A MAJOR.
OH, MARY, GRANDPA HAS
TO BE IN COURT THIS MORNING,
UH, FOR HIS
PROBATION HEARING.
AND IF HE DOESN'T SHOW UP,
THEY'LL PUT HIM IN JAIL.
NOW, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT,
MAMA, I MEAN,
IF GRANDPA WAS WITH
THAT SOCIAL WORKER,
UH, LAST NIGHT,
SHE'LL GET HIM TO COURT.
WHAT COULD THEY DO
IN THE KITCHEN?
IT'S THE DAMNEDEST THING.
WHAT'S A YOUNG GIRL LIKE THAT
FOOLING AROUND WITH AN OLD,
80-YEAR-OLD COOTIE FOR?
COOT.
UH, DON'T CALL
MY FATHER NAMES.
WELL, I'M GONNA GO TO WORK.
COME ON, TOM.
YEAH, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE,
GEORGE.
BYE, MARY.
GOODBYE, TOM.
GOODBYE, DEAR.
YEAH.
WELL, MARY,
AT LEAST ONE CLOUD
HAS A SILVER LINING.
I SEE YOU'VE PATCHED
THINGS UP WITH TOM.
MAYBE YOU OUGHT TO TAKE
YOUR MOTHER'S ADVICE
MORE OFTEN.
WELL, I HAVE TO GO NOW
TO SEE IF GRANDPA
MIGHT HAVE COME BACK HOME.
WELL, NOW DON'T OFFER ME
ANY COFFEE
OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT
BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE
TIME TO CHAT.
SO, GOODBYE, DEAR.
HI, MARY.
HI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOME?
WELL,
I CAME HOME FOR LUNCH.
YOU CAME HOME FOR, UH...
YOU NEVER COME HOME FOR LUNCH.
WELL, I...
IT'S A VERY NICE THING
FOR YOU TO COME HOME
FOR LUNCH.
UH, I ALREADY ATE.
WELL, I REALLY DIDN'T
COME HOME FOR LUNCH.
I CAME HOME TO TALK.
WHAT? WHAT?
I CAME HOME TO TALK, MARY.
TALK.
YOU KNOW, TALK?
I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
SO... SO MUCH WAS GOIN' ON
THIS MORNING
WITH CHARLIE AND LORETTA
AND YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER
BEIN' OVER HERE,
I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE
TO SAY MUCH.
OH.
MARY, I REALLY GOTTA
HAVE A TALK WITH YOU.
I GOT TO TALK.
WELL, OK, TALK.
WELL, IT'S HARD
TO TALK TO A PERSON
WHO DOESN'T TALK BACK.
WELL,
YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING YET.
I MEAN,
WHY DON'T YOU SAY SOMETHING
AND THEN I'LL SAY SOMETHING.
I MEAN,
IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A TALK
THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT.
SO IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING
TO SAY, SAY IT.
AS YOU CAN SEE,
I'M VERY BUSY RIGHT NOW.
WELL, THE LEAST YOU COULD DO
IS TURN AROUND AND LOOK AT ME,
OK?
COULD YOU TURN AROUND
AND LOOK AT ME, PLEASE?
WHY DID YOU DO IT?
WHY DID YOU SLEEP WITH HER?
YOU RUINED IT.
YOU RUINED US.
CAN'T YOU SEE
THAT YOU RUINED US?
LOOK, WILL... WILL YOU PLEASE,
PLEASE, JUST SHUT UP?
OK, JUST SHUT UP.
JUST FOR A MINUTE
SO WE CAN TALK, OK?
YOU REALLY WANT
TO HAVE A TALK?
YEAH,
I REALLY WANT TO HAVE A TALK.
I REALLY DO.
DID YOU JUST SAY
SHUT UP TO ME?
YEAH.
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
WELL, I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN IT.
SO YOU'RE REALLY WILLING
TO TALK TO GET TO THE BOTTOM
OF OUR PROBLEM?
YEAH, I AM.
I REALLY AM.
AND YOU'RE... AND YOU'RE
REALLY WILLING
TO, UH, DIG DOWN,
YOU KNOW,
FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES,
TO GET TO THE VERY,
VERY, BOTTOM OF THIS?
YEAH, I AM.
I REALLY, REALLY,
REALLY, REALLY AM.
I REALLY AM.
OH, GOOD.
THAT'S SO GOOD, TOM...
OH, MY GOD, OH,
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE,
THERE IS ONLY ONE TROUBLE.
WHAT?
I GOT TO GET BACK TO WORK.
I THOUGHT YOU, UH,
I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO TALK.
WELL,
I DO WANT TO TALK, HONEY,
BUT I ONLY GOT 9 MINUTES.
I MEAN,
CAN WE DO IT IN 9 MINUTES?
9 MINUTES?
YEAH.
OK, WE COULD BEGIN, I MEAN...
NO, WAIT.
I CAN'T, I CAN'T, I CAN'T.
I CAN'T DO IT
IN 9 MINUTES.
NO, I CAN'T,
I CAN'T, I JUST CAN'T.
WELL,
I DON'T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING.
YOU CAME ALL THE WAY HOME
BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO TALK
AND NOW
YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK?
WELL, IT ISN'T THAT.
IT ISN'T THAT I DON'T
WANT TO TALK.
IT'S JUST THAT
I CAN'T DO IT IN 9 MINUTES.
I MEAN, I CAN'T EVEN
BEGIN IN 9 MINUTES.
WELL, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
I MEAN, YOU KNOW THAT YOU HAVE
45 MINUTES FOR LUNCH.
RIGHT? I MEAN, YOU KNOW
IT TAKES YOU... IT TAKES YOU
12 MINUTES TO GO TO AND FROM.
RIGHT?
SO WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING?
TO DO THE WHOLE THING
IN 33 MINUTES?
WELL, IF WE HAD 33 MINUTES.
BUT I'VE ONLY GOT 9 MINUTES
WHICH MEANS WE'VE WASTED
24 MINUTES ON SMALL TALK,
MARY.
SMALL TALK.
NOW IT'S 25 MINUTES, TOM.
TOM, WHAT ARE WE DOING
TALKING LIKE THIS?
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THIS.
WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?
WE'RE WASTING OUR TIME.
LOOK, TOM, NOW WE HAVE
LESS THAN 7 AND A HALF
MINUTES LEFT.
YEAH.
SO WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
I THINK IT'S GONNA BE AWFULLY
HARD TO DISCUSS OUR MARRIAGE
FULLY IN 7 AND A HALF
MINUTES.
YEAH, UH,
LOOK, UH,
LOOK, WE'RE GONNA HAVE
TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT, OK?
AN APPOINTMENT?
YEAH.
OK, WHEN?
WELL, LET'S SEE,
I GOT A UNION MEETING
AFTER WORK TONIGHT.
UH,
LET'S MAKE IT 7:00, OK?
7:00.
OK.
OK, 7:00.
OK, IT'S A DATE, 7:00.
OK, FINE, I'LL BE WAITING.
IT'S A DATE.
OK.
OK.
SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
WELL, I STILL GOT
5 MINUTES TO KILL, SEE?
YOU WANT SOME LUNCH?
NO, I DON'T WANT ANY LUNCH.
MARY, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
I MEAN,
YOU OUGHT TO KNOW
BETTER THAN THAT.
IT TAKES ME BETWEEN
7 AND A HALF AND 9 MINUTES
TO EAT LUNCH.
NOW IT TAKES ME 12 MINUTES
TO GET BACK TO THE PLANT,
IF THE LIGHTS ARE WITH ME.
MARY, WE HAVE DONE A LOT
OF TIME AND MOTION STUDIES
AT THE PLANT
ABOUT THIS VERY THING.
I MEAN, YOU OUGHT TO KNOW
BETTER THAN THAT.
IT'S RIDICULOUS.
I MEAN, ANOTHER 4 MINUTES.
---
MARY HARTMAN! MARY HARTMAN!
DO ALL POLICEMEN DO THIS?
OH, MY.
I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING.
UH, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT TIME IT IS?
UM, I JUST...
DO YOU HAPPEN
TO KNOW THE TIME?
YOU COULD, UH,
COULD YOU CALL
THE TIME FOR ME
IF YOU DON'T HAVE A WATCH
OR ANYTHING?
I COULD CALL IF YOU JUST
TELL ME WHERE THE PHONE IS.
I MEAN,
I COULD CALL AND FIND OUT...
6:30.
OH, IT'S 6:30?
OH, OH, MY.
THAT'S VERY LATE.
IT'S JUST SO VERY LATE.
I JUST,
UH, DIDN'T REALIZE
THAT IT WAS THAT LATE.
I, UH... UH,
I BETTER BE GOING NOW.
UM, I'LL... I'LL SEE MYSELF OUT,
THAT'S OK.
UH, DO YOU REALLY
HAVE TO GO?
UH, YES, I, UH,
ABSOLUTELY, YES.
THAT'S SUCH A NICE SWEATER.
YOU ARE
THE SWEETEST WOMAN.
I'M SORRY, I'M... I'M...
YOU MUST HATE ME.
I MEAN, I'M... I'M REALLY SORRY
FOR COMING HERE LIKE THIS
AND LIKE, UH, AND NOT, UM,
COMING THROUGH OR ANYTHING.
THAT'S, UH,
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I MEAN,
I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU.
I... I DON'T KNOW HOW.
BUT I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.
I'LL DO SOMETHING...
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
REALLY?
YOU'RE NOT MAD?
THIS IS
THE LOVELIEST AFTERNOON
I'VE EVER SPENT.
REALLY?
LIKE, HOW WOULD YOU RATE IT
ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10?
12.
12?
14.
HAVE YOU EVER HIT 15?
WHEN YOU'RE READY,
I'M HERE.
IS THAT A COME ON?
NO. I MEAN IT.
OH, GOOD,
I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS.
I'M... I'M SORRY
FOR TOUCHING YOU LIKE THIS.
I JUST, UH...
I JUST NEVER REALIZED
POLICEMEN WERE ALLOWED
TO HAVE CHESTS.
OH, DENNIS.
YOU CAN KEEP THE GROCERIES.
AND DON'T FORGET
TO DEFROST THE BUTTER.
OH, DINNER.
I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED IT.
MARY, IS THAT YOU?
MARY... MA...
WHERE THE HELL
HAVE YOU BEEN ALL AFTERNOON?
WHERE HAVE I BEEN?
I'VE BEEN OUT.
I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN OUT.
YEAH, I WAS OUT.
YOU'VE BEEN OUT ALL AFTERNOON.
YEAH, I WAS OUT ALL AFTERNOON.
YEAH,
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND YOU.
I'VE BEEN LOOKING
ALL OVER FOR YOU.
WHERE... WHERE WERE YOU?
WHERE WAS I?
WHERE WAS I?
I DON'T KNOW.
OH, I WAS OUT.
MARY, THAT DOES NOT
ANSWER MY QUESTION.
I MEAN, IT'S AFTER 6:00
AND DINNER ISN'T READY.
AND YOU'RE STANDING THERE
LIKE SOME WHOOPING CRANE.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR LEG?
PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN.
YOU'RE STANDING THERE
WITH ONE SHOE ON
AND ONE SHOE OFF.
"DIDDLE, DIDDLE, DUMPLING,
MY SON JOHN..."
MARY!
WHAT?
WHERE IS THE OTHER ONE?
WHAT OTHER WHAT? WHO?
THE OTHER SHOE.
OH?
OH, UH...
UH,
I... I... I MUST HAVE LOST IT.
WHERE DID YOU LOSE IT?
WHERE?
UM, I DON'T KNOW, UH,
UM, IT'S POSSIBLE
THAT I STEPPED IN,
UH, SOME, YOU KNOW,
SO I LEFT IT.
I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT I DO
WHEN I STEP IN SOMETHING.
YOU KNOW,
I JUST GET OUT OF MY SHOE
AND I JUST KEEP
RIGHT ON GOING.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S SOMETHING
FUNNY GOIN' ON HERE.
I MEAN, LORETTA TOLD ME
THAT YOU WENT TO THE MARKET
HOURS AGO
AND I DON'T SEE
ANY GROCERIES, MARY.
NO, I DON'T EITHER.
WHERE ARE THEY?
I LOST THEM?
ARE YOU ASKIN' ME?
WELL, I JUST DON'T SEE THEM.
NEITHER DO I.
MAYBE YOU LOST THEM
IN THE SAME PLACE
YOU LOST YOUR SHOE, HUH?
I DOUBT THAT.
MAYBE I ATE THEM.
MARY, LOOK,
YOU'VE GOT A LOT
OF EXPLAININ' TO DO.
OH, NO, I DON'T HAVE
ANY EXPLAINING TO DO
BECAUSE I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
WELL, WHERE THE HELL
WERE YOU ALL AFTERNOON
IF YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING,
THEN?
WELL, TOM,
THAT'S JUST GONNA
HAVE TO BE MY BUSINESS.
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKIN' ABOUT?
WELL, I'M JUST TALKING
ABOUT THAT, UH,
YOU KNOW,
SOME STUFF IS YOUR BUSINESS.
SOME STUFF IS MY BUSINESS.
AND THIS HAPPENS
TO BE MY BUSINESS.
I'M GETTIN' DAMN MAD, MARY!
LOOK, I HAVE A RIGHT
TO ASK YOU WHERE THE HELL
YOU WERE THIS AFTERNOON.
I HAPPEN TO BE
YOUR DAMN HUSBAND.
WELL, I HAVE EVERY RIGHT
NOT TO ANSWER
WHERE I WAS THIS AFTERNOON
BECAUSE I HAPPEN
TO BE YOUR WIFE
AND NOT YOUR, UM, WHATEVER!
YOU WERE WITH SOMEBODY,
WEREN'T YOU?
YOU WERE WITH SOME GUY,
WEREN'T YOU?
IS THAT WHAT
YOU'RE TRYING TO DO?
YOU'RE TRYING
TO GET EVEN WITH ME?
IS THAT WHAT
YOU'RE TRYING TO DO?
GET EVEN WITH ME
BECAUSE OF MAE?
IS THAT... IS THAT RIGHT?
IS THAT WHAT
YOU'RE TRYING TO DO?
HOW DOES IT FEEL, TOM,
NOT KNOWING WHERE I WAS
OR WHAT I DID?
I'M SUFFERING.
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
YOU WANT ME TO SUFFER?
OK, I AM SUFFERING.
OH, TOM.
I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
THAT WAS AWFUL.
I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
OF COURSE,
I DON'T WANT YOU TO SUFFER.
HOW DOES IT FEEL?
I'LL TELL YOU HOW IT FEELS.
IT FEELS ROTTEN.
I MEAN, I FEEL TERRIBLE.
DO YOU FEEL TERRIBLE,
TOM?
YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL?
I'M GLAD.
I'M GLAD
YOU FEEL TERRIBLE.
I'M REALLY GLAD...
OH, TOM, I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
I'M NOT GLAD, I'M NOT GLAD.
I'M THE OPPOSITE OF GLAD.
I'M SAD.
I REALLY DO. I MEAN,
IS SAD THE OPPOSITE OF GLAD?
IS IT? BECAUSE I REALLY...
I... I FEEL SAD.
I MEAN, TOM,
I DON'T... I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S HAPPENING.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING
WITH US AND...
TOM,
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?
IT'S, UH...
WHAT HAPPENED THERE?
IT'S ALL RED AND SPLOTCHY.
IT IS?
YES.
REALLY?
YES.
WHAT... WHAT
ARE YOU DOIN'?
I'M MAKING DINNER.
YOU'RE NOT MAKING DINNER,
MARY, YOU'RE LAUGHIN' AT ME.
WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHIN' AT?
NO, NO, YOU'RE WRONG.
I... I AM MAKING DINNER
AND I'M LAUGHING AT YOU.
WELL, STOP IT, WILL YOU?
STOP IT! I DON'T LIKE IT!
STOP IT!
OK, I'LL STOP IT.
DON'T... DON'T YOU SEE
WHY I WAS LAUGHING, TOM?
DON'T YOU SEE
WHY I'M LAUGHING?
I'M LAUGHING
BECAUSE IT'S SO, UH,
IT'S SO SAD.
I MEAN, IT'S JUST SO SAD.
IT'S FUNNY
BECAUSE IT'S SO HUMILIATING.
I MEAN, IT'S JUST
SO HILARIOUSLY HUMILIATING.
YOU DID GET EVEN, DIDN'T YOU?
DIDN'T YOU?
I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY IT,
MARY.
IT'S WRITTEN
ALL OVER YOUR FACE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, MARY.
I REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
HOW CAN YOU DO SUCH A THING?
IT'S ONE THING FOR ME THAT...
I MEAN,
HOW DID YOU DO IT?
HOW... HOW DID IT HAPPEN?
HOW DID IT?
UH, WHAT DO YOU MEAN
HOW DID IT HAPPEN?
YOU DID IT, DIDN'T YOU?
WHAT DID YOU DO?
I DOED IT.
I MEAN, I DID IT.
YOU DID DID IT.
I DON'T THINK
THAT'S VERY FUNNY,
I REALLY DON'T.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S FUNNY,
I DON'T THINK IT'S HILARIOUS,
I DON'T THINK ANYTHING.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
IT'S ONE THING
FOR A GUY TO DO IT.
YOU UNDERSTAND?
AND IT'S ANOTHER THING
FOR A WOMAN TO DO IT.
I MEAN, YOU'RE, MARY,
YOU'RE A MOTHER,
FOR GOD'S SAKES.
THAT'S CHEATIN'.
TOM, I THINK YOU'RE TWISTING
THINGS AROUND AGAIN
AND TRYING TO JUST
MAKE ME FEEL
BAD ABOUT IT.
OK, YOU'RE RIGHT,
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I MEAN,
YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO...
I DO FEEL GUILTY, TOM, I DO.
I FEEL... I FEEL SO GUILTY.
I FEEL SO...
IF EVER A PERSON
SHOULD FEEL GUILTY,
I SHOULD FEEL GUILTY.
AND I DO, TOM.
I FEEL GUILTY.
I FEEL GUILTY, GUILTY.
I FEEL GUILTY, GUILTY,
GUILTY, TOM.
I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME.
I FEEL SO GUILTY, I MEAN,
I CAN'T EVEN STAND UP.
COULD YOU OPEN
THE CAN OF SPAGHETTIOS?
WHERE WERE YOU THIS AFTERNOON?
TOM, ALL I WANT
IS FOR YOU AND HEATHER
TO HAVE A REGULAR DINNER.
NO MATTER WHAT HAS HAPPENED.
OK, MARY.
OK, ALL I WANT YOU TO DO
IS JUST, PLEASE,
TELL ME WHAT YOU DID.
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
WELL,
IF YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING,
THEN WHY DO YOU FEEL
SO GUILTY?
I TOLD YOU,
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
I MEAN,
EXPLAIN ONE THING TO ME.
WHO HAS YOUR SHOE?
TOM, IT'S IRRELEVANT.
I PROMISE YOU,
MY SHOE IS SAFE.
IT'S WITH MY GROCERIES.
MARY.
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
MARY, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?
I... I'M NOT FINISHED YET.
MARY, MARY, COME ON.
I TOLD YOU,
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
WELL, YOU DON'T...
YOU DON'T HAVE TO TALK.
HERE, LET ME POUR THAT.
I HAVE TO TALK. WHY...
I KNOW YOU DON'T, BUT...
LISTEN, I'VE BEEN DOING
A LOT OF THINKIN', YOU KNOW?
I DON'T WANNA THINK ABOUT IT.
WELL, DON'T THINK.
JUST LISTEN, OK?
I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO IT.
I DON'T FEEL LIKE LISTENING.
THE REASON I'VE BEEN DOIN'
A LOT OF THINKING IS BECAUSE,
WELL, I CAN'T DO
MUCH OF ANYTHING ELSE
ON THAT DAMN COUCH.
I CERTAINLY CAN'T SLEEP ON IT.
LOOK, I KNOW I WAS KIND
OF ROUGH ON YOU YESTERDAY
WHEN YOU CAME HOME
AFTER BEIN' OUT
GOD KNOWS WHERE
ALL AFTERNOON.
YOU KNOW,
I REALLY DON'T WANT TO HEAR!
WELL, I DON'T CARE
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR.
WILL YOU JUST...
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT
YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR, OK?
NOW,
THE REASON I GOT SO DAMN MAD
WAS BECAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU
TO START SOMETHIN'
YOU'RE GONNA BE SORRY FOR,
OK?
I DON'T WANT
TO TALK ABOUT THIS.
WELL, MARY, YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT
BECAUSE WE CAN'T GO ON
LIKE THIS.
WE SIMPLY CANNOT GO ON
LIKE THIS.
YOU KNOW,
YESTERDAY HEATHER STARTED
ASKIN' A LOT OF QUESTIONS
ABOUT YOU AND ME,
HER PARENTS.
NOW, SHE'S VERY UPSET, MARY.
VERY UPSET.
WELL, WE'RE OFF.
WE'RE ON OUR WAY.
NASHVILLE, HERE WE COME.
I GOT THE VEGA
PACKED UP TO THE GILLS.
WE'RE ALL GASSED UP.
WE'RE RARIN' TO GO.
OH, I FORGOT.
YOU'RE LEAVING THIS MORNING.
OH, LORETTA, CHARLIE,
I'M GONNA MISS YOU.
NO MORE THAN WE'RE
GOING TO MISS YOU, HONEY.
MARY, JUST REMEMBER,
NO MATTER HOW FAR I GO
OR HOW HIGH I CLIMB,
WE'RE GONNA REMEMBER YOU.
CHARLIE, LISTEN,
ALL THE BEST, HUH?
I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT,
THOMAS.
YOU BEEN A GOOD FRIEND.
AND, MARY,
YOU'RE ACES WITH ME.
OH, THANKS, CHARLIE.
WELL,
IT'S JUST SO NICE TO JUST,
TO SEE THE 2 OF YOU
JUST STANDING THERE
IN YOUR OWN KITCHEN.
EVERYTHING OK?
YEAH, EVERYTHING'S OK.
RIGHT, MARY?
TERRIFIC.
OH, THANK GOSH.
OH.
OH, WE WAS
SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
YOU KNOW,
ESPECIALLY AFTER YESTERDAY.
HONEY.
BUT I TOLD CHARLIE,
I SAID, "LISTEN, HONEY,
HONEY.
"DON'T YOU WORRY NONE
ABOUT TOM AND MARY
BECAUSE EVEN A BLIND HOG
CAN FIND AN ACORN SOMEWHERE."
WHAT?
WELL, I'M JUST
SO GLAD THAT YOU 2
FOUND IT IN YOUR HEART
TO FORGIVE EACH OTHER.
EACH OTHER?
OH, I THINK THAT'S JUST
A... A SOUTHERN EXPRESSION.
HONEY, COME ON,
I THINK WE BETTER
HIT THE ROAD.
MARY, MARY.
HAVE YOU SEEN...
OH, HI.
HI, HI.
HI.
IT'S LIKE A CONVENTION.
YEAH, LORETTA AND ME
ARE HITTIN' THE ROAD
FOR NASHVILLE.
YOU'RE REALLY
GONNA DO IT, HUH?
YOU BET I AM,
GEORGE, OLD BUDDY.
OH, LORETTA,
I WISH YOU ALL
THE SUCCESS IN THE WORLD.
THANK YOU, MARTHA.
AND... AND WE CERTAINLY
ARE GONNA MISS YOU FOLKS
HERE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
OH, WE'RE GONNA
MISS YOU ALL, TOO.
AND WE'RE ALWAYS
GONNA REMEMBER YOU
NO MATTER HOW BIG
OR FAMOUS WE GET.
RIGHT, CHARLIE?
THAT'S RIGHT.
AND... AND WE'RE GONNA COME BACK
AND... AND SELL THE HOUSE
AND WE'RE GONNA THROW
A BIG PARTY
AS SOON AS WE GET
SET UP IN NASHVILLE
THAT'S RIGHT.
AND... AND LORETTA STARTS
CLIMBIN' THOSE CHARTS
TO... TO SUPERSTARDOM.
OH, WELL, UM,
LISTEN, TOM.
I KNOW THAT I'VE BEEN ACTING
KIND OF PESKY TO YOU LATELY,
YOU KNOW, AND EVERYTHING,
BUT, WELL, I'M SORRY.
BUT NOW THAT YOU AND MARY
HAVE KISSED AND HUGGED
AND EVERYTHING,
WELL, I'D LIKE TO DO LIKEWISE.
YEAH.
OH, BYE.
COME ON, HONEY.
COME ON. IT'S...
IT'S... IT'S OBVIOUS
YOU GUYS GOT SOME... SOME
BREAKFAST HERE.
AND YOU... YOU'RE
OBVIOUSLY HERE
FOR SOME REASON.
SO, WE'LL JUST...
DON'T EVEN SEE US
OUT TO THE CAR.
WE'LL JUST GET MOVING.
COME ON, HONEY.
LET'S GO, LET'S GO.
COME ON, COME ON.
WE'LL... WE'LL SEND YOU
A PECAN LOG FROM STUCKEY'S.
YEAH, BYE-BYE.
OH, THIS CERTAINLY
IS AN EXCITING MOMENT.
I HOPE THEY KNOW
WHAT THEY'RE DOIN'.
NOW, UM, I FORGET
WHAT I CAME OVER
SO EARLY TO TELL YOU.
UH, NOW, WHAT WAS IT? UH...
THINK, MA.
OH. YES, UH,
GRANDPA IS MISSING.
OH, NO.
OH, YES.
HE DIDN'T COME HOME
ALL LAST NIGHT.
DOESN'T THAT
BEAT EVERYTHING?
GOD ONLY KNOWS
WHERE THE OLD GEEZER IS
OR WHAT HE'S UP TO.
OH,
HE'S PROBABLY WITH ROBERTA.
WHAT?
WHO?
WHERE?
WITH ROBERTA.
ROBERTA WOLASHAK,
THE SOCIAL WORKER.
I MEAN,
HE HAD A DATE WITH HER HERE.
A WHAT?
A DATE?
HERE?
YEAH.
IN THE KITCHEN?
WELL,
I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
WELL, NEITHER WOULD I.
I'D SEND HIM TO A HOME
AND I'D SEND THAT GIRL
OF HIS TO A HOUSE.
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
GRANDPA HAD A DATE
IN THE KITCHEN?
OH, GEORGE.
WELL, I WOULD.
AND I'D HAVE
THAT WOKASHAKY DAME ARRESTED
FOR THE CONTRIBUTING
TO THE DELINQUENCY
OF A MAJOR.
OH, MARY, GRANDPA HAS
TO BE IN COURT THIS MORNING,
UH, FOR HIS
PROBATION HEARING.
AND IF HE DOESN'T SHOW UP,
THEY'LL PUT HIM IN JAIL.
NOW, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT,
MAMA, I MEAN,
IF GRANDPA WAS WITH
THAT SOCIAL WORKER,
UH, LAST NIGHT,
SHE'LL GET HIM TO COURT.
WHAT COULD THEY DO
IN THE KITCHEN?
IT'S THE DAMNEDEST THING.
WHAT'S A YOUNG GIRL LIKE THAT
FOOLING AROUND WITH AN OLD,
80-YEAR-OLD COOTIE FOR?
COOT.
UH, DON'T CALL
MY FATHER NAMES.
WELL, I'M GONNA GO TO WORK.
COME ON, TOM.
YEAH, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE,
GEORGE.
BYE, MARY.
GOODBYE, TOM.
GOODBYE, DEAR.
YEAH.
WELL, MARY,
AT LEAST ONE CLOUD
HAS A SILVER LINING.
I SEE YOU'VE PATCHED
THINGS UP WITH TOM.
MAYBE YOU OUGHT TO TAKE
YOUR MOTHER'S ADVICE
MORE OFTEN.
WELL, I HAVE TO GO NOW
TO SEE IF GRANDPA
MIGHT HAVE COME BACK HOME.
WELL, NOW DON'T OFFER ME
ANY COFFEE
OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT
BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE
TIME TO CHAT.
SO, GOODBYE, DEAR.
HI, MARY.
HI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOME?
WELL,
I CAME HOME FOR LUNCH.
YOU CAME HOME FOR, UH...
YOU NEVER COME HOME FOR LUNCH.
WELL, I...
IT'S A VERY NICE THING
FOR YOU TO COME HOME
FOR LUNCH.
UH, I ALREADY ATE.
WELL, I REALLY DIDN'T
COME HOME FOR LUNCH.
I CAME HOME TO TALK.
WHAT? WHAT?
I CAME HOME TO TALK, MARY.
TALK.
YOU KNOW, TALK?
I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
SO... SO MUCH WAS GOIN' ON
THIS MORNING
WITH CHARLIE AND LORETTA
AND YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER
BEIN' OVER HERE,
I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE
TO SAY MUCH.
OH.
MARY, I REALLY GOTTA
HAVE A TALK WITH YOU.
I GOT TO TALK.
WELL, OK, TALK.
WELL, IT'S HARD
TO TALK TO A PERSON
WHO DOESN'T TALK BACK.
WELL,
YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING YET.
I MEAN,
WHY DON'T YOU SAY SOMETHING
AND THEN I'LL SAY SOMETHING.
I MEAN,
IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A TALK
THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT.
SO IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING
TO SAY, SAY IT.
AS YOU CAN SEE,
I'M VERY BUSY RIGHT NOW.
WELL, THE LEAST YOU COULD DO
IS TURN AROUND AND LOOK AT ME,
OK?
COULD YOU TURN AROUND
AND LOOK AT ME, PLEASE?
WHY DID YOU DO IT?
WHY DID YOU SLEEP WITH HER?
YOU RUINED IT.
YOU RUINED US.
CAN'T YOU SEE
THAT YOU RUINED US?
LOOK, WILL... WILL YOU PLEASE,
PLEASE, JUST SHUT UP?
OK, JUST SHUT UP.
JUST FOR A MINUTE
SO WE CAN TALK, OK?
YOU REALLY WANT
TO HAVE A TALK?
YEAH,
I REALLY WANT TO HAVE A TALK.
I REALLY DO.
DID YOU JUST SAY
SHUT UP TO ME?
YEAH.
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
WELL, I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN IT.
SO YOU'RE REALLY WILLING
TO TALK TO GET TO THE BOTTOM
OF OUR PROBLEM?
YEAH, I AM.
I REALLY AM.
AND YOU'RE... AND YOU'RE
REALLY WILLING
TO, UH, DIG DOWN,
YOU KNOW,
FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES,
TO GET TO THE VERY,
VERY, BOTTOM OF THIS?
YEAH, I AM.
I REALLY, REALLY,
REALLY, REALLY AM.
I REALLY AM.
OH, GOOD.
THAT'S SO GOOD, TOM...
OH, MY GOD, OH,
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE,
THERE IS ONLY ONE TROUBLE.
WHAT?
I GOT TO GET BACK TO WORK.
I THOUGHT YOU, UH,
I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO TALK.
WELL,
I DO WANT TO TALK, HONEY,
BUT I ONLY GOT 9 MINUTES.
I MEAN,
CAN WE DO IT IN 9 MINUTES?
9 MINUTES?
YEAH.
OK, WE COULD BEGIN, I MEAN...
NO, WAIT.
I CAN'T, I CAN'T, I CAN'T.
I CAN'T DO IT
IN 9 MINUTES.
NO, I CAN'T,
I CAN'T, I JUST CAN'T.
WELL,
I DON'T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING.
YOU CAME ALL THE WAY HOME
BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO TALK
AND NOW
YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK?
WELL, IT ISN'T THAT.
IT ISN'T THAT I DON'T
WANT TO TALK.
IT'S JUST THAT
I CAN'T DO IT IN 9 MINUTES.
I MEAN, I CAN'T EVEN
BEGIN IN 9 MINUTES.
WELL, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
I MEAN, YOU KNOW THAT YOU HAVE
45 MINUTES FOR LUNCH.
RIGHT? I MEAN, YOU KNOW
IT TAKES YOU... IT TAKES YOU
12 MINUTES TO GO TO AND FROM.
RIGHT?
SO WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING?
TO DO THE WHOLE THING
IN 33 MINUTES?
WELL, IF WE HAD 33 MINUTES.
BUT I'VE ONLY GOT 9 MINUTES
WHICH MEANS WE'VE WASTED
24 MINUTES ON SMALL TALK,
MARY.
SMALL TALK.
NOW IT'S 25 MINUTES, TOM.
TOM, WHAT ARE WE DOING
TALKING LIKE THIS?
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THIS.
WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?
WE'RE WASTING OUR TIME.
LOOK, TOM, NOW WE HAVE
LESS THAN 7 AND A HALF
MINUTES LEFT.
YEAH.
SO WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
I THINK IT'S GONNA BE AWFULLY
HARD TO DISCUSS OUR MARRIAGE
FULLY IN 7 AND A HALF
MINUTES.
YEAH, UH,
LOOK, UH,
LOOK, WE'RE GONNA HAVE
TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT, OK?
AN APPOINTMENT?
YEAH.
OK, WHEN?
WELL, LET'S SEE,
I GOT A UNION MEETING
AFTER WORK TONIGHT.
UH,
LET'S MAKE IT 7:00, OK?
7:00.
OK.
OK, 7:00.
OK, IT'S A DATE, 7:00.
OK, FINE, I'LL BE WAITING.
IT'S A DATE.
OK.
OK.
SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
WELL, I STILL GOT
5 MINUTES TO KILL, SEE?
YOU WANT SOME LUNCH?
NO, I DON'T WANT ANY LUNCH.
MARY, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
I MEAN,
YOU OUGHT TO KNOW
BETTER THAN THAT.
IT TAKES ME BETWEEN
7 AND A HALF AND 9 MINUTES
TO EAT LUNCH.
NOW IT TAKES ME 12 MINUTES
TO GET BACK TO THE PLANT,
IF THE LIGHTS ARE WITH ME.
MARY, WE HAVE DONE A LOT
OF TIME AND MOTION STUDIES
AT THE PLANT
ABOUT THIS VERY THING.
I MEAN, YOU OUGHT TO KNOW
BETTER THAN THAT.
IT'S RIDICULOUS.
I MEAN, ANOTHER 4 MINUTES.