Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman (1976–1977): Season 1, Episode 18 - Episode #1.18 - full transcript

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MARY HARTMAN! MARY HARTMAN!

LOOK AT THEM.
THEY'RE TALKING
TO THEMSELVES NOW.

MARY'LL NEVER
GET OUT OF THERE.

PA, DON'T TALK LIKE THAT.
IT'S BAD FOR THE CHILD.

IT'S THE TRUTH.
I NEVER SAW SUCH
A BOTCHED-UP MESS.

THEY OUGHT TO GO IN THERE
WITH A SHERMAN TANK.

ARE THEY EVER
GONNA GET MOMMY
OUT OF THERE, GRANDMA?

OH, OF COURSE
THEY WILL, DARLING.

PA, YOU ARE UPSETTING
THE CHILD.

I'M HUNGRY.

I'M UPSET.



NOW, HEATHER, WHY DON'T YOU
GO UP TO YOUR LITTLE BED,

AND CLOSE YOUR PRETTY EYES
AND GO TO SLEEP?

AND WHEN YOU WAKE UP
IN THE MORNING,
IT'LL ALL BE OVER.

YOU MEAN MOMMY'LL BE DEAD?

OH, HEATHER, NO!

NOW, BITE YOUR TONGUE.

MIGHT AS WELL,
THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO EAT.

SHE MIGHT GET KILLED.

HEATHER!

WELL, I'M NOT GOING TO BITE
MY TONGUE,
IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT.

OH, NO, THAT'S
JUST AN EXPRESSION.

MY GRANDMA USED TO SAY IT
TO ME WHEN I WAS LITTLE.

IT'S JUST THAT
I DON'T WANT YOU
SAYING THOSE THINGS.

WELL, IT COULD HAPPEN.
INNOCENT VICTIMS
GET KILLED ALL THE TIME.



NOW, HEATHER, THAT IS ENOUGH.

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
ONE MORE WORD ABOUT
PEOPLE GETTING KILLED.

IN THAT CASE,
YOU'LL HAVE TO BURN
ALL THE NEWSPAPERS AND T.V.s.

WOULD THAT MAKE ME
HALF AN ORPHAN?

WOULD WHAT?

IF MOMMY GOT, YOU KNOW...
WHO'D LOOK AFTER ME?

WOULD DADDY HAVE TO
HIRE A HOUSEKEEPER,

LIKE SUSIE TEBLET'S FATHER DID
WHEN HER MOTHER RAN AWAY

AND WAS NEVER
HEARD FROM AGAIN?

SUSIE TEBLET?
WHO IN THE WORLD IS THAT?

I... I DON'T KNOW ANYBODY
BY THE NAME OF TEBLET.

HEATHER,
YOU ARE GETTING SO LONG

THAT NEXT YEAR
I'M GONNA BE
SITTING ON YOUR LAP.

WELL, THIS HOUSEKEEPER
HATES HER

AND PUNISHES HER WHEN
NOBODY'S HOME.

NOW, THERE WAS A FAMILY OF...
BY THE NAME OF TIBBLE

OVER ON THE
OLD ROTHEMEYER PLACE,

BUT THEY MOVED AWAY
ABOUT 2 YEARS AGO.

WELL, THIS ONE
PRACTICES VOODOO
AND KILLED THE GOLDFISH.

IS THAT WHAT'S
GONNA HAPPEN TO ME?

OH, TEBLETS SCHMEBLETS.
NOBODY'S GONNA VOODOO ANYBODY.

AND BESIDES,
WE DON'T HAVE ANY GOLDFISH.

NOW, HEATHER,
I WANT YOU TO LOOK AT ME.

YOUR MOMMY IS
GONNA BE FINE. JUST FINE.

AND EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE
BACK TO NORMAL
JUST AS SOON AS...

AS SOON AS THAT MANIAC
SHOOTS HIS WAY OUT.

GRANDPA!

WELL, DON'T FORGET
THAT MANIAC ALREADY
KILLED 5 PEOPLE,

A WHOLE FLOCK OF CHICKENS,
AND... AND WHATNOT.

DAVEY'S NOT GONNA
KILL MOMMY, IS HE, GRANDMA?

OF COURSE, HE WON'T, DEAR.

MAYBE HE'LL MISS,

ONLY ANYBODY THAT CAN
NAIL A CHICKEN ON-ON A WING
WITH A REVOLVER...

PA, WHY DON'T YOU
HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT?

MAYBE HE'LL
RUN OUT OF BULLETS.

THERE'S SOME MEATLOAF
IN THE ICEBOX, PA.

MEATLOAF!
YOU KNOW MEATLOAF
ALWAYS GIVES ME HEARTBURN.

MAYBE HE'LL FORGET
AND SHOOT HIMSELF, FIRST.

OK. HI, GANG,
JESUS DOWN HERE.

AND, WE'RE STILL OUTSIDE
THE KILLER'S STRONGHOLD

WHERE THE CROWD
HAS BEGUN TO THIN,

BUT YOU CAN BET
THE DRAMA CONTINUES.

TENSION IS TAUT.
NERVES AND RUMORS
ARE RUNNING HIGH.

AND YOU'LL SEE ALL THE ACTION
RIGHT HERE, LIVE,
AS IT HAPPENS,

IF IT HAPPENS.

AND, IF IT DOESN'T HAPPEN,
WE'LL MAKE IT HAPPEN.
RIGHT, CLETE?

RIGHT, JESUS.
GOOD.

EXCUSE, ME.

EXCUSE ME, SIR.
IF WE COULD JUST HAVE
A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME?

WE'RE CONDUCTING
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEWS

WITH PEOPLE MOST
CLOSELY CONNECTED

WITH THIS ONGOING
TRAGEDY OF TERROR.

WE HAVE HERE A MR. YERBY.

FLOYD.
MR. FLOYD.

FLOYD YERBY.
FLOYD YERBY.

STREET MAINTENANCE ENGINEER,
WHO'S BEEN ON THE LINE
EVER SINCE THE STORY BROKE.

GOOD. MR. YERBY,
COULD YOU TELL US...

I'M JESUS JARERRA,
YOUR ACTION REPORTER.
OK.

HOW WOULD YOU SAY
THAT THIS CATASTROPHE

PITS UP, TRASH-WISE,
WITH RECENT
FERNWOOD DISASTERS?

DISASTERS?
DISASTERS.

WELL, I WOULD SAY THAT THERE'S
A DIFFERENT KINDA TRASH IN
THIS HERE, UH, UH, INCIDENT.

I SEE, SIR. IN WHAT WAY?
WHAT WAY?

WELL, YOU TAKE THE FLOOD
BACK IN '63,

THERE YOU HAD YOUR
BASIC MUD AND WATER,

PIECES OF FURNITURE,
HOUSES FLOATING DOWN
THE STREET,

SOMETHING YOU COULD
SINK YOUR BROOM INTO.

BUT IN A THING LIKE THIS,
WHERE A CROWD GATHERS
AND THERE'S NO RAIN,

WELL, SECTION PARAGRAPH...
26-9 PARAGRAPH.

AH, THE GARBAGE CODE.

OH, SANITATION CODE.
I BEG YOUR PARDON.

WELL, HERE YOU GET
A DIFFERENT KINDA TRASH.

CIGARETTE BUTTS, UH, YOU GET,
UH, TAKE OUT FOOD GARBAGE,
THINGS LIKE THAT.

GOOD. MR. YERBY,
COULD YOU TELL US,

UH, WHAT'S THE TREND
IN TRASH THESE DAYS?
AH!

YES?
HUH?

ANY PARTICULAR TYPE OF FOOD
OR WRAPPER?

SWITZER'S LICORICE.
SWITZER'S LICORICE?

LICORICE SEEMS TO DOMINATE
THE CANDY WRAPPER SITUATION.

AND I WOULD SAY,
AND YOU CAN QUOTE ME,

THERE'S A TOSS UP
IN THE GARBAGE,

EXCUSE THE PUN,
BETWEEN,

THE COLONEL
AND TACO BELL.

WELL, BACK TO THE LINE.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, MR. FLOYD YERBY.
AND NOW BACK TO YOU,
JESUS JARERRA!

UH, NO, THANK YOU,
BACK TO YOU CLETE MIZENHEIMER.

UH, THANK YOU, JESUS.
THIS IS CLETE MIZENHEIMER...

AND JESUS JARERRA.
BACK TO YOU, CHET,
IN THE STUDIO.

EXCUSE ME. PARDON ME.

WHAT'S HAPPENED, Y'ALL?
ANYTHING NEW?

OH, NOTHING NEW, HONEY.

DID YOU GET
A LITTLE SHUTEYE?

WELL, NOT A WHOLE BUNCH.

THAT BACK SEAT'S
SCRATCHIER THAN A
PORCUPINE IN HEAT.

ABOUT THE ONLY THING
YOU MISSED WAS
A POPCORN BELLYACHE.

LORETTA, I WISH YOU'D
LET ME TAKE YOU HOME,

HONEY, YOU GOTTA
THINK OF YOURSELF
AND THE BABY.

OH, HUSH, CHARLIE,
WE'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

OH, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS,
HERE COMES THE REVEREND.

OH, MY GOD, CHARLIE.

THANK THE LORD,
OUR PRAYERS HAVE
BEEN ANSWERED.

MARY'S GONNA BE SAVED!
AMEN.

AFTER HAVING FAILED
IN HIS FIRST ATTEMPT

TO COAX THE DERANGED KILLER
INTO GIVING HIMSELF UP,

THE REV. STANDFAST IS BACK
FOR YET ANOTHER ATTEMPT.

AND WE'RE GONNA TRY
AND BRING HIM TO YOU,
RIGHT NOW. REVEREND, SIR?

YES, YOUNG MAN,
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

EXCUSE ME, SIR.
I WAS WONDERING IF
YOU COULD TELL US

WHAT YOU PLANS IN THERE,
EXACTLY?

IN OTHER WORDS,
YOUR STRATEGY, AS IT WERE.

UH, STRATEGY?
WELL, MY STRATEGY IS
THE STRATEGY OF THE LORD,

HIS WILL BE DONE,
ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN.

YEA, THOUGH I WALK THROUGH
THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW...

YES, FINE, GOOD.
THANK YOU, SIR.

UH, BUT IS IT TRUE THAT
YOU'RE GOING TO SWEAR
ON A STACK OF BIBLES

THAT NO LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCY

WILL PURSUE THE KILLER
FOR AT LEAST 24 HOURS?

OF COURSE, I AM.

I... I'M GOING INTO
THE LIONS' DEN LIKE DANIEL,

WITH NOTHING BUT THE...
OH, MY GOD.

OH, REVEREND,
YOU ARE THE BRAVEST,
MOST COURAGEOUS THING

AND WE ARE SO GRATEFUL.
REALLY, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

WELL, ARE YOU ONE OF MY FLOCK?

UH, WELL,
ACTUALLY I'M A BAPTIST.

WELL, MAY THE LORD
CAUSE HIS COUNTENANCE

TO SHINE DOWN UPON YOU.

THANK YOU.

COME ON, COME ON.
HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO.

OH, MY.

AHOY, DAVEY.

DAVEY, THE REV. STANDFAST
IS HERE

AND READY TO GO IN.

UH, THE STACK OF BIBLES
WILL BE CARRIED IN
BY AN UNARMED OFFICER.

ALL RIGHT, REVEREND.

♪ MINE EYES HAVE SEEN
THE GLORY ♪

♪ OF THE COMING OF THE LORD ♪

♪ HE IS SMASHING UP
THE VINTAGE ♪

♪ WHERE THE GRAPES OF WRATH
ARE STORED ♪

♪ GLORY, GLORY... ♪

OK, THAT'S FAR ENOUGH.

ALL RIGHT OUT. OUT.
I DON'T WANT ANY COPS IN HERE.

CAN'T YOU STAY?
NO, HE CAN'T.

UH, BUT NOT EVEN FOR PRAYERS?

OUT!
OUT, I DON'T WANT ANY COPS.
AND CLOSE THE DOOR.

HOLD IT, REVEREND!
WHAT ARE YOU REACHING FOR?

OH, WELL, DAVEY, THIS IS JUST
A LITTLE SOMETHING
FOR MY HYPERTENSION,

I MEAN,
I... I WOULD OFFER YOU SOME,
IT'S THE DOCTOR'S ORDERS,

BUT I... I REALLY DON'T FEEL
THAT YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH.

GEE, REVEREND, I DON'T DRINK.

WELL THAT'S GOOD, DAVEY,
'CAUSE I DON'T EITHER.

AND WE ALL KNOW
THE EVILS OF DRINK.

REVEREND STANDFAST?
WHO IS IT?

UH, DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME?

I... I USED TO
GO TO YOUR CHURCH.

LITTLE MARY SHUMWAY.

MARY SHUMWAY.

MARY HARTMAN. MARY HARTMAN.

WHAT A NICE SURPRISE.
YOU'RE STILL ALIVE.

I'M SORRY, I KEEP MEANING
TO GET BACK TO YOUR CHURCH,

BUT SOMEHOW OR THE OTHER
I ALWAYS GET TIED UP
WITH ONE THING OR ANOTHER.

OK, LET'S
GET THIS OVER WITH.

REVEREND, SIR, UH,
PLEASE, IF YOU COULD JUST
GO AHEAD?

OH. YES, UH, WELL, ALL RIGHT.

UH, DEARLY BELOVED,

WE ARE GATHERED HERE
IN THE SIGHT OF GOD...

WAIT A MINUTE,
THAT'S NOT RIGHT!

OH, I SEE. OH, I'M SORRY.
I GOT S-SO CONFUSED, YOU SEE,

SEEING MARY HARTMAN, UH, UH,

AND THIS... THIS
OFFICER HERE SO UNITED AS ONE,
AS IT WAS.

SHALL WE PRAY?
NO PRAYERS.

NO PRAYERS.
JUST SWEAR.

YOU MEAN,
TAKE THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN?

ON THE BIBLES!

OH, I...
YOU MEAN THE... THE OATH.

TO SAY THE OATH ON THE BIBLE.

ALL RIGHT. ONE MOMENT.

I, REVEREND HAROLD
BELLINGTON STANDFAST,

DO HEREBY SWEAR AND AFFIRM

THAT NEITHER THE FERNWOOD
POLICE DEPARTMENT,

NOR THE HIGHWAY PATROL,

OR THE COUNTY
SHERIFF'S OFFICE,

OR THE NATIONAL GUARD,

OR THE
DESPUES COUNTY VIGILANTES,

OR ANY OFFICIAL OR
QUASI-OFFICIAL
LAW ENFORCEMENT GROUP

WILL STOP OR APPREHEND
DAVID JESSUP

FOR 24 HOURS AFTER
HE LEAVES HERE

IN THE CAR SO
PROVIDED FOR HIM.

AMEN.

AMEN.

AMEN.

HEY, JESSUP?
WE'RE ALL SET UP FOR YOU.

YOUR CAR'S READY AND WAITING.

WELL,

I... I GUESS THIS IS IT.

UH, REVEREND, I WANT YOU TO
WALK OUT THERE WITH ME,

OH, OH, LISTEN... OH,
ISN'T THAT NICE OF YOU, DAVEY,

BUT, YOU SEE, THE THING IS,

I DON'T THINK THAT I SHOULD
THE SPOTLIGHT AWAY FROM YOU.

DON'T MOVE.

GOODBYE, MRS. HARTMAN. UH,

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, DAVEY.

OK, REVEREND, LET'S GO.

ALL RIGHT, D-DAVEY.
IF YOU INSIST.

HOLD IT.

UH,

MRS. HARTMAN,

I'M SORRY IF
I'VE INCONVENIENCED YOU

OR THE LOMBARDIS.

BACK UP EVERYBODY!
EVERYBODY, LET THEM THROUGH!

NOW, FOR MY SAKE,
FOR HIS SAKE, FOR GOD'S SAKE,

DON'T SHOOT!

GET THAT MAN
OUT OF THERE.

ALL RIGHT, DAVEY,

THERE'S THE CAR.

JUST PUT AWAY YOUR GUN,
GET IN THE CAR,
AND DRIVE AWAY.

DAVEY JESSUP,
YOU'RE ON TARGET.

UH, MICROPHONE, DAVEY.

CLETE MIZENHEIMER,
CHANNEL 6 NEWS TEAM.

UH, DAVEY, I'D JUST LIKE TO
ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS

FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE
SHUT-INS IN OUR AUDIENCE,

WHO MAY NOT HAVE HAD
THE PRIVILEGE OF SEEING THIS
ONGOING TRAGEDY OF TERROR

IN PERSON.

SHOOT.
WHAT?

OH.

DAVEY, YOU'VE HAD
QUITE AN UNUSUAL EXPERIENCE.

LET'S SEE,
YOU'VE KILLED 5 PEOPLE,

YOU'VE KILLED 2 GOATS.
GOATS?

AND YOU'VE KILLED 8 CHICKENS.
GOATS AND CHICKENS?

UH-HUH. YOU'VE HELD
THE LOCAL HOUSEWIVES HERE
HOSTAGE,

ON T.V. AS WELL AS INSIDE.

AND YOU'VE HELD
A LOCAL POLICE OFFICER
HOSTAGE.

AS WELL AS
THE REVEREND STANDFAST.

DAVEY, TELL ME THIS,
AFTER ALL YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH,
HOW DO YOU FEEL?

HOW DO I FEEL? UH...

HUNGRY.

VERY INTERESTING.

UH, DAVEY,
HOW OLD ARE YOU?

I'M 18.

18. HOW ABOUT THAT?

DAVEY, WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS
FOR THE FUTURE?

WELL, FIRST I'M GONNA GET
SOMETHING TO EAT.

AFTER THAT I'VE BEEN
THINKING ABOUT
EITHER BECOMING A...

AN ELECTRICIAN'S ASSISTANT,
OR A MALE NURSE.

A MALE NURSE?

I KNOW YOU'RE IN A HURRY,
DAVEY.

SO I WON'T
KEEP YOU ANY LONGER.

WELL, UH,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
DAVEY JESSUP,

TEENAGED MASS MURDERER.

NICE INTERVIEW, DAVEY.
THANKS.

WELL, THERE IT IS,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

A LIVE INTERVIEW WITH
FERNWOOD'S ONLY
TEENAGED MASS MURDERER.

WELL,
THAT'S JUST ABOUT IT
FROM HERE, SO,

NOW BACK TO YOU JESUS JARRERA.

HELLO?

HELLO?

ALL RIGHT, DAVEY.

ALL RIGHT, DAVEY.
JUST START THE CAR
AND DRIVE AWAY.

BUT REMEMBER,
THE SPEED LIMIT IS
55 MILES PER HOUR.

WE'RE DEPENDING ON YOU
TO SET AN EXAMPLE

FOR THE TEENAGED DRIVERS
THROUGHOUT THE COUNTY.

HELLO?

POLICE!

WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHY DON'T THE POLICE GO IN
AND GET MARY OUT?

OH, YEAH.

IF IT WEREN'T FOR
YOUR HANG UP, SHE WOULDN'T
BE THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

SO, MARY AND ME ARE HAVING
A LITTLE TROUBLE, GEORGE.
SO WHAT?

TOM, I WANT YOU TO KNOW,

THAT I'M GONNA STAND BY YOU,
WHATEVER HAPPENS
IN YOUR MARRIAGE.

NOTHING'S GONNA HAPPEN,
CHARLIE, NOTHING.

WHY DON'T THEY GO IN THERE
AND GET MARY OUT? WHY?

MAYBE SHE AIN'T
ALL THAT ANXIOUS TO COME HOME.

WELL, YOU KNOW
LIKE THAT SONG SAYS.

ONLY HAPPY BIRDS
AND CANADIAN HONKERS
FLY BACK TO THE NEST.

CANADIAN HONKERS?

WHAT'S WRONG, DAVEY?

I, UH,
I DIDN'T BRING MY LICENSE.

I DON'T WANNA GET ARRESTED FOR
DRIVING WITHOUT A LICENSE.

WELL, I'M SURE WE CAN MAKE
AN EXCEPTION IN THIS CASE,

IF YOU PROMISE
TO DRIVE CAREFULLY.

OK, I PROMISE.
OK, THEN.

PROMISE I WON'T BE ARRESTED
FOR DRIVING WITHOUT A LICENSE?

I PROMISE.

BECAUSE, I MEAN,
I'M IN ENOUGH TROUBLE ALREADY,
THE WAY IT IS.

IT'LL BE OK. I PROMISE.

OH, OK, THEN.
WALK THIS WAY REVEREND.

ALL RIGHT,

STAND BACK, STAND BACK.
EVERYBODY STAND BACK.

THERE ARE 2 INNOCENT HOSTAGES
IN THAT BUILDING
THAT HAVE TO BE RELEASED.

YEAH, GET MY WIFE
OUT OF THERE.

BACK OUT OF THE WAY
WE HAVE A LOT... WE HAVE
A LOT OF WORK TO DO HERE.

EXCUSE ME, LIEUTENANT...

TRASK.
TRASK.

LIEUTENANT TRASK,
AS THE MASTERMIND
OF THE GOOD GUYS,

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY
A FEW WORDS TO OUR VIEWING
AUDIENCE RIGHT OUT THERE?

WHY, CERTAINLY.

I'M PROUD TO BE A MEMBER OF
A POLICE DEPARTMENT
WHICH HAS NOTHING TO CONCEAL.

I'VE BEEN A MEMBER
OF THE DEPARTMENT
FOR 15 YEARS.

AND ALTHOUGH I WAS
PASSED OVER FOR PROMOTION
AS CHIEF OF POLICE

BY A CITY ADMINISTRATION
THAT DOESN'T ALWAYS REALIZE

THAT A PUBLIC POST
IS A PUBLIC TRUST,

UM, ELECTIONS WILL BE
COMING UP SOON AND I'M SURE
THAT WILL ALL CHANGE.

OH, GOOD SPEECH, GOOD SPEECH.
THANK YOU.

OH, WELL, TELL ME, LIEUTENANT,
UH, HAVING, UH,

THIS, UH, EVENT,
SPECTACULAR EVENT COME TO

A... A HEROIC AND SUCCESSFUL
AND RIGHT ON CONCLUSION,

HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

WELL, I FEEL A LITTLE TIRED.

GOOD.

THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.
UM, UH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
LIEUTENANT.

I IMAGINE YOU WANNA
GO INSIDE NOW AND... AND
GET THE HOSTAGES FREE.

YES.

THANK YOU, LIEUTENANT TRASK.
THANK YOU.

WE'RE HERE TO SERVE
AND TO PROTECT.

GOOD.

OH, EXCUSE ME,
REVEREND. REVEREND.

DID YOU ESCAPE?

I...

WELL, IN A WAY, YES.

UM, HE, UH, KICKED ME
OUT THE CAR DOOR.

WELL, AS THIS TREMENDOUS DRAMA
IS COMING TO A CLOSE...

YES.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

UH, WELL, MY WILL BE DONE.

I MEAN, THY WILL BE DONE.

I DON'T MEAN, THY.
I MEAN, THY.

WELL, DO YOU FIND THAT
RELIGION IS A BIG UPPER
AT A TIME LIKE THIS?

WELL, TO ME RELIGION IS, UH...

I'M SORRY,
I DIDN'T GET YOUR NAME...

JESUS JARRERA.

J-J-JESUS?
THAT IS A VERY ORIGINAL NAME.

UM, WHAT IS
THE ENGLISH TRANSLATION?

JESUS.

WHAT DID YOU SAY
YOUR LAST NAME WAS?

MARY! MARY! MARY!

MARY! ARE YOU OK?

HONEY, I'VE BEEN SO WORRIED,
I'VE BEEN SHAKING LIKE A LINE
OF LAUNDRY IN A HIGH WIND.

AND I WROTE A SONG ABOUT IT
AND EVERYTHING.

AND YOU CAN'T BELIEVE ALL
THE PEOPLE IN TOWN THAT
WAS HERE. EVERYBODY WAS HERE.

OH, AND INCLUDING
YOU-KNOW-WHO
FROM THE PAYROLL DEPARTMENT,

BUT WE'LL TALK
ABOUT THAT LATER.

ANYWAY, DO YOU WANT ME TO
SING MY SONG FOR YOU?

MAE WAS HERE?

UH-HUH.
MAE OLINSKI?

OH! EXCUSE ME.
MARY? MARY?

EXCUSE ME, LADIES.

UH, EXCUSE ME, MRS. HARTMAN,
I'M SORRY,

BUT COULD YOU PLEASE
ANSWER A FEW QUESTIONS

FOR THE BENEFIT OF
OUR TELEVISION AUDIENCE
RIGHT OUT THERE?

I DO KNOW THAT OUR VIEWERS ARE
TERRIBLY INTERESTED

IN GETTING YOUR REACTION
TO THIS TREMENDOUSLY
EXCITING EVENT.

THAT DRESS SHE'S WEARING
DOESN'T LOOK GOOD
ON TELEVISION.

YOUR ORDEAL OF BEING
SEPARATED FROM
YOUR LOVING FAMILY.

THAT'S US, PA.

HOURS AND HOURS
OF AGONY FACING DEATH

AND, UH, OR MUTILATION,

AT THE HANDS OF
THE TEENAGED MASS MURDERER.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

WELL, MY LIPS ARE CHAPPED.

AND MY BACK ACHES.
BUT THAT HAPPENS TO ME A LOT.

ACTUALLY, I DON'T REALLY FEEL
AS BAD AS I THOUGHT I WOULD...

EXCUSE ME,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I'M SO GRATEFUL,
SHE'S THROUGH
THAT ORDEAL.

IT SURE WAS A NARROW ESCAPE.

IT SURE WAS.

THE WAS THAT T.V. FELLOW WAS
POKING THE MICROPHONE
IN HER FACE,

I THOUGHT HE'D
KNOCK HER TEETH OUT.

OH, I GET GOOSEPIMPLES
ALL OVER,

EVERY TIME I THINK OF MARY
BEING LOCKED IN THAT
CHINESE LAUNDRY

WITH THAT MASS MURDERER.

OH, I DON'T KNOW WHY
I'M SAYING ALL THIS.

IT'S ALL OVER NOW.

AND ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL.

BUT I'M JUST SO WROUGHT UP
WITH NERVOUSNESS,
I CAN'T SEEM TO SETTLE DOWN.

I THINK I'LL BAKE A CAKE.

WHO'S HAVING A PARTY?

NOBODY.

I-IT'S TO CELEBRATE, UH,
MARY'S BEING SNATCHED
FROM THE JAWS OF DEATH.

I WONDER... I WONDER
WHY THEY SAY "JAWS."

IT MAKES DYING SOUND LIKE
YOU'RE BEING EATEN UP
BY AN ALLIGATOR.

OH, NOW WHY DID I SAY THAT?

I DON'T KNOW,
I JUST CAN'T
KEEP FROM TALKING.

I GUESS I'LL START ON MY CAKE.
HEATHER, YOU WANNA HELP ME?

YOU'RE PROBABLY
A NERVOUS LITTLE WRECK
YOURSELF.

I DON'T KNOW WHY
THEY ALLOW ALL THIS TELEVISION
WITH THESE THINGS GOING ON.

IT JUST AGITATES CHILDREN

RIGHT OUT OF THEIR
LITTLE MINDS.

THIS IS ON TELEVISION?

OH, YOU BETCHA.
RIGHT THERE, RED LIGHT.

IS THIS THE FAMILY HOUR?

'CAUSE THIS IS
A LOT OF VIOLENCE
FOR THE FAMILY HOUR.

NOW, HERE ARE SOME SCENES
FROM THE NEXT EPISODES OF

MARY HARTMAN, MARY HARTMAN.

I SAID, "TOM,

"WHEN A PIG STRAYS
OUT OF THE WALLOW

SOMETIMES
IT DON'T GET BACK IN."

I SAID,
"OUR MARRIAGE IS OVER."

WELL, WHAT THE HELL
IS THE DIFFERENCE?

IF THEIR MARRIAGE BREAKS UP,
IT WILL BE A TERRIBLE TRAGEDY.

I TOLD YOU, I KNOW ABOUT MAE.

LOOK, THE THING ABOUT MAE
IS REALLY NOT ANYTHING...

I DON'T EVER WANT THAT NAME
MENTIONED IN MY HOUSE.